Chapter One: Confusion
On May 22, 1991, I was born Christian Alexander Wood. Growing up, I seemed like a normal toddler, a little on the quiet side, but still very energetic and bubbly. When I gained the ability to walk and talk, my memories were still going through the period where very little if anything gets recorded. At age 7, I seemed to have a strange attraction to wearing my 8-year-old sister's sleeping beauty Halloween costume and wearing the blonde wig that came with it. At first, it was dismissed as just kid silliness.
The infatuation with wearing my sister's clothing continued to age 11, when the awkward gaze came 'round. By then, it was "getting weird," and I was told that I probably shouldn't be wearing girl's clothing. Needless to say, I didn't listen, and kept crossdressing. Fortunately for me, I never really was all that heavy or tall for that matter, and I fit in my older sister's clothing pretty well until I was about 13. Hair was starting to grow in more places than I could handle, and I felt weird about it. I ended up using scissors to cut off as much of it as I could, hurting myself in more than one place.
My parents started taking notice in my strange mannerisms, how my voice didn't get all that deeper, how I never really made friends with other boys, and the obvious continuations of crossdressing. I never could wear girl's clothing outside of my house at that age. And it wasn't even the fact that it was a guilty pleasure, it simply was a fear of judgment.
Well, my parents sat me down and gave me the birds and the bees talk (MySpace was already popular, so there wasn't much I didn't have at least an idea about). But then they talked about how some people are attracted to the same gender and how it was okay if I was gay.
It certainly was a wake up call. I questioned my sexuality, who I was, the like. I came to the conclusion that I was only interested in women, but I was also not comfortable with my appearance. At first it was that worry of whether or not you're masculine enough. But at 15 years of age, I realized my happy place was pretending to be a girl.
So I did something daring. I swiped a few pairs of my sister's panties and her waxing kit. Idiotically, I ripped off as much hair as I could until I was as smooth as a baby. Then the following school day, I wore panties under my clothes at school. In public. The insurmountable fear of getting caught was a huge concern, and a source of major anxiety for me. But at the same time, it was liberating and I had never felt more
real in my life.
But I couldn't stop there. No, I had to step up my game. I started wearing tighter pants, tucking my penis so I didn't bulge out of my panties, letting my hair grow to my shoulders. Once again my parents noticed, sat me down, and asked if I was gay. I told them, "No. I'm very much into girls. But I want to be one too." I noticed they distanced themselves from me. Like I was some sort of abomination. Like a sick dog that needed to be put down.
I didn't let that stop me. I started to wear my sister's makeup, brushing my hair, styling it... and then I did something wonderful. I took an old bra from my sister and I wore it. In public. It felt so good, I did it again. And again. And again. Finally, I started stuffing my shirt. I took two tennis balls and put them in the cups of the bra. And once again, I went out in public. By now, I was 16, going on 17.
For the last time, my parents pulled me aside, and gave me another talk. But this time it was different. They talked about how I should be comfortable with who I was and my self image. And they told me that they were behind me 100%. The validation from my parents that I was no longer their son but their daughter, I asked what they would've called me if I had been born female.
Katherine Delaney Wood
And thus, I was no longer Christian, I was Katie. And I was happy. Friendless and alone, but happy.
Finally, my 17th birthday came around, and my parents took me aside one last time. They told me they were going to put me on hormones. Unless I objected of course but... I couldn't pass up the opportunity. I could finally fill the mold I wanted to fill ever since I started crossdressing.