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Why is breaking up with an RPer hard?

A

Alexandar

Star
Joined
Mar 8, 2014
I don't know, maybe I'm just too sensitive but why does it bother me so much why I have to tell a fellow RPer I no longer want to RP with them? I mean interest change, the story changes or reaches a natural conclusion and you have nothing you want to write together any more or that person just doesn't inspire you the way to write any more? It just feels like I'm breaking up with someone in real life sometimes, the way they sound hurt in their PMs back and I know I've hurt their feelings and I feel like a jackass. I dislike myself for hurting their feelings, and I dislike that I cared that I hurt their feelings, and I dislike the way I turned this around to make it about me. And damn it all but I feel like it would have been easier if I had just done what everyone else does, stop PMing back. Just ignore the other person and they'll eventually take the hint.

I mean everyone writes in their thread they hate when people do that, but when you're the one having to do it, having to write that PM telling the person you no longer want to RP with them; after having gotten to know them a little, after knowing how much THEY like the RP. IT FUCKING HURTS and I just want it to stop hurting, I don't want to hurt them and I don't want to hurt! And I can't help but feel right now that ignoring that person would have been better then telling them directly that I don't want to RP with them...... :(

I feel like a horrible person.
 
I have the hardest time with it too. Not going to lie, I may only send a reason for dropping a rp half the time. Sometimes I just keep telling myself that I am not abandoning, but putting it off for a awhile. Then it's three weeks later and I am too embarrassed to say anything. And While It feels shitty when someone does the same to me, I try not to let it bother me so much. Honestly I think i have had maybe two people extend me that courtesy, where as I have extended it to far more. I am trying to get better about it, but confrontation is hard.
 
I've been on the receiving end of that pm and I'd just like to say that I appreciated it greatly. If you don't want to rp with me any more, I want to know. I don't want you to just drop it and ignore me so that I'm left wondering what's happened. I may come back asking why they don't, but that's because I want to know if there was anything I can do to improve for future rps. I also hate when I send a pm to someone asking to rp with them and they ignore that. I realize real life gets in the way, but it doesn't take any time to send back a pm saying, 'no thanks.' That way I'm not wondering if you're going to answer or not.
 
It's not something to get really broken up about or for people to get upset over. Especially if the rp is only a couple posts, or not even started yet. Things come up for one thing, as this is a free site, free membership, free engagement in a collaborative story writing medium and absolutely no fucking obligation to stay whatsoever. For all intents and purposes, it is a hobby. Until there is an agreement made, a communication between partners to turn it into something more, there is no guarantee and there is literally nothing you can use as leverage(i.e. "You won't get paid if you leave now").

I just personally feel it is a waste of time to take it so seriously, and to involve yourself so deeply in something that can literally disappear and not be a thing anymore within a moment. Like, "You fucking owe me an explanation/a chance to get better!" How about no? Writing and reading will do that for you. If I'm not getting paid, I don't want to be your editor, sorry. Besides, sometimes it has nothing to do with something you can improve on or fix. Sometimes the chemistry is simply not there, sometimes the moment isn't right, sometimes personalities clash. People vanish all of the time. There is no fairness or politeness involved. It is just way easier to move on, to admit to yourself what you can and are willing to do and what you're capable of and be true to that. Because you won't get a lot of reasoned responses or people willing to let go.

"Why'd you even contact me if you didn't have time?"

Because I did. Now I don't.

"What did I do wrong?"

*groans*

"Yeah, well fuck you, asshole! I didn't want to write with you anyway! I've got plenty more where you came from!"

That's a relief. I thought you might get upset or something.

Just on and on, time wasting emotion poured into this weird container where people cling to this as their escape from reality and flip their shit when you don't play along. So, don't feel bad for not informing people when you want to quit a role-play. There is a defense mechanism built in with a lot of supposed adults trying to live through something without ever having to leave their desk chair. And that includes the drama of hating you for abandoning them. Which a lot of them will, no matter what you say.

My policy is to just keep it all relaxed, fun and rapid fire. If something happens, then awesome. Let's ride that bitch till it either comes to an end or one of us throws up.
 
There is no one single reason that makes it difficult, It depends on the personality of the person involved.

My theories:

7 times out of 10 the dropper does not want to deal with the guilty feelings of dropping the droppee, and will fabricate something to justify dropping the other for whatever true reason...
Usually "oh, I just didn't want to hurt you" when they actually just didn't want to hurt them selves. 95% of the time no notification is given. I have no respect for these types and they automatically go on my blacklist.

2 times out of 10 the dropper is legitimately concerned for the other's feelings, and will tell the person they need to drop the RP

Then you have the direct types, that actually have the testicular and/or ovarian fortitude to tell someone "Hey, I have lost interest in this RP, I want to terminate it, I don't want to draw it out, and here is why..."

You are sometimes gonna hurt feelings and bruise egos with this action. The best thing to do is just be direct. It hurts the least because it gives closure and does not leave the droppee to wonder "what the hell did I do?" The best thing to do on the receiving end is to just develop a good attitude about rejection. Its inevitable and will happen. There are innumerable other potential RP partners out there. Shrug it off and go find a few =D

Resist the urge to bad mouth the ones who drop you, all that does is make you look unprofessional, hurt everyone's perceptions of your character, and generally hurt your chances.

(Yes, I know I am one to talk, but I strive for this)
 
It IS a difficult thing to do. There have been RPers I have declined to RP with and just didn't give them a chance because I suspected that the RP wouldn't work and I didn't want to go through the agony of dropping the RP.

Sometimes it goes off without a hitch, the person usually agrees the RP is finished one way or the other. But other times it is just excruciating. I try to explain that it's not their RP - their RP isn't BAD. It's just either different from my style, or my muse refuses to work on it anymore, or...whatever. But I am exceedingly careful to explain it is NOT their RP...even if it really is lol.

Lord I hope no one I lied to about that reads this....

I have been dropped a few times, but it never really bothers me. Except this one time....but then the guy was just....rude.
 
I'm going to go simple, because we're human. We care, we get emotionally invested in something (well many of us), and its hard to let go. Sometimes it has to be done for the reasons you state, but honesty is the best policy really. You can always take a break, leave it open to come back to, unless you just know it is not going to work, then you are often better coming clean. Sure its hard, especially once you start to know people, but think of treating them how you would like to be treated.

I've been dropped a few times, no reason for most, I asked just to see if I could improve and I got no response. No big deal, you move on, that's how it is.
 
It's always difficult when you know that what you're about to say is likely to hurt someone's feelings, or dent their ego, and it often seems less trouble to avoid conflict. I truly despise doing it, especially when there's a good OoC connection outside of the roleplay. I wouldn't equate it to a relationship breakup, but it's still not easy.

However, I don't think that anyone should feel obligated to continue a story that they're not invested in, and by the same token, I don't think their partner has a right to expect them to continue on with a story that they, for whatever reason, no longer find enjoyable, or have the muse for.

As difficult as it's been sometimes to write the PM, I've never not advised my partner that I wish to drop the story, and tell them why, and never will. I just think it's the 'right' thing to do, which is a personal, subjective opinion. I've been fortunate enough to, so far, not have been on the receiving end of that message, but I'm sure it will come, and when it does, it will probably hit hard.
 
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