Advice on saying no

[Lexi]

Hi all,

I got a (relevant) message for the first time today where I just read it and thought "This is not a person want to RP with." because of their spelling and grammar.

Before now when I got a message that I lied and said I was male (because there is no faster way than to get rid of most male hetero RPers than dropping the 'gay bomb') but that was because they were people sending me random ideas that were just not interesting to me, cold calls - I think there is a thread on it somewhere, and that was the end of it. I felt no guilt for that because it wasn't a message that I'd prompted or asked for in any way and it stops them from sending more.

But now that I have my request threads up I got a message from someone who was actually interested in my idea so I can't just claim to not be interested, but their writing was just awful with missing or misplaced punctuation, misspelled words and no capital letters where there should be. Needless to say it was why I decided my answer was no straight away.

How do you reject someone like that? I can't just say "No thanks, your writing is terrible." (though part of me was tempted, because they're not going to try to improve unless they're told something is wrong) but obviously that is rude so I didn't, yet it doesn't seem any better to not give any reason at all, as if you're saying no just to spite them.

How does anyone else deal with this?

 

[Star Pupil]

Well just tell them that you don't think they are compatible with you. Apoligize if you want, but be honest. You don't have to be that blunt with them unless they try to go further and demand to know what the reason is for the incompatibility.

It sucks because you do feel mean...but I had a problem with this before and this was the advice given to me. I used to ignore them altogether but sometimes that's even meaner than just telling them the truth.

 

[Lexi]

Yeah that's kinda what I did I just said "Sorry but I don't think we're very well suited as partners, so no thank you." which just kinda sounds like you're brushing them off for no reason... didn't really leave me feeling great. Is there not a tactful way of saying you may need to work on your literacy?

 

[SithLordOfSnark]

I would be blunt, but that's just me. lol

 

[LingeringDesire]

I have found that most people are relaxed in PM and more controlled and have better writing in game. That doesn't mean all... I for example am on my phone for all but posting and auto correct hates me.

Just be honest. Say no I am afraid we wouldn't make a good team. If that is how you feel. I look at everyone that sends me a pm. I scope them out a bit see how they write and go from there.

Just remember if you da no and they come back at you feel free to ignore them, but if you feel you are being harassed hit the report button.

 

[Princeoflight]

Hi Lexi,

Happy New Year to you.

I have a sneaking suspicion that whoever it is has seen this thread and gotten the hint. xD

But, jokes apart ... If you find it difficult to tell them that they are not good enough writers, you could just tell them you're busy and don't have enough time to add on another roleplay. Also, in my experience, I've found that people who aren't very good with spelling or grammar lose interest in your rp eventually, since there's a discord. So, either way you don't have to worry.

If you don't want to hurt them, you can start off by thanking them for approaching you.

 

[Lexi]

Prince, If you're implying that it was one of the people above who sent me the message you're wrong, it wasn't.

 

[Mr Quixotic]

I don't think that's what Prince was implying, Lexi. Just that whoever it was would be likely to have seen this thread.

As for saying no, it all depends on the initial approach. I don't have a problem being blunt if I think it's needed, particularly if they've obviously ignored, or not comprehended, something I've written in my request threads. Blunt does not necessarily mean rude or insulting. I just received a request this morning; no greeting, no OoC chatter, just a scene/starting post given, and a "I prefer to play on PM's" in parantheses at the end. That was it. My response: "I guess you haven't heard of the word hello, or any of it's synonyms?" Blunt, yes, because that's what I thought it deserved.

I tend to rely on 'gut feel', and a lot of the time don't have a logical, explainable reason for why I'm not interested in writing with someone. If the approach is courteous, and displays an interest and understanding of my requests, but for some reason I intuit it won't work (generally based on a sense of how well I believe our personalities will mesh OoC, gained from a reading of their own threads and board chatter), I thank them for the approach, then say 'But, unfortunately, I don't think we're compatible'. If it's because of their writing/grammar, etc, as in your case, I'll say the same thing. If they persist, I'll be more blunt about it.

This is a hobby for me, and done for relaxation and enjoyment, and I assume it's the same for others. No-one should feel obligated to give up their time and put their creative energy into anyone except for those they want to. If it offends the other person, that's their issue, we're all adults here.

Edit (in response to SilverKnight's comments): I would never use the words 'not good enough for me'. That, in my mind, is insulting, not to mention arrogant and narcissistic. Silver, I haven't seen enough of your writing to be able to comment, and I'm not qualified to do so anyway, but I've found many people on here much more capable than they think themselves to be. Self criticism seems to be the bane of anyone who writes.

 

[Silverknight]

I will give you my small opinion then from the other side that is used to being told no. Granted, I am a bad winter so I hope that I can write asentence that is readable and comprehendable at the same time. First I agree, that just ignoring is the most mean thing that you can do as you end up leaving said person hanging not even knowing they were not good enough for you to rp with. Trust me being ignored stinks in general. So I would say, that being honest explaining that you and said person don't work right is better. If you explain with honesty and respect that they aren't good enough and wish them will and such would work better. Trust me it is much nicer when people do this and when they just ignore me for my horrible writing.

I also agree that you shouldn't base you opinion on pms but if you have high standards then you should look at a few of their past post. That said it is up to you what you use to determine if someone is good enough for you to, write with or not. I just know that as it has been said people tend to be more lax in their occ pm writer especially horrible writers like myself. So in passing here is how I would like people to tell me no when they figure out I am a horrible writer.

'Thank you for your interest in my ideas. It is a honor to have such interest. Yet, I must tell you that you are not the type of rper I would like to rp with. I am sorry if this bugs you, but I am not going to rp with you. That said, I wish you luck in finding others who would want to rp with you. Again thank you for the interst but we aren't going to work, and I don't want to waste either of our time on figuring this out, have a good day ^_^'

 

[Princeoflight]

Yeah, Lexi. That wasn't what I was implying. Thanks Mr. Quixotic !

Like I said, if you did not want to tell him he's not a good enough writer, you could always make something up .... like you don't have enough time, all your roleplay spots are taken, or that you're leaving this site soon and can't post regularly or that you're really not in the mood for a rp.

 

[SilkIntoFantasy]

I think everyone gave good advice on this matter since we've all come across it in one fashion or another at one point in time. I personally like Ariamella's suggestion in scoping out to see if they have any writing samples available. Or simply request one if they don't.
I will also warn a potential partner that I am extremely picky about punctuation and spelling. Everyone makes mistakes but when I have to get a translator to get the gist of what you're saying..yeah, it's a role play boner killer for me.
And I have a tendency to look at introductions/role play proposals like a potential employer might a resume; always make a great first impression.
Some would disagree and say you can't judge solely on a person's approach, in that their grammar might be more lax in a pm setting, but more formal in role play. But that's up for you to ultimately decide.
Whoever sent you the request has surely seen this thread by now and probably realizes you're not interested. When I'm personally faced with a request from someone I don't think I'll mesh with, I try to be gentle but firm. "Thanks but I don't feel we will mix well. Thank you for your interest and I wish you the best of luck." Unless the situation calls for something more. But then, I suppose that is what the mods are for.

 

[Karameida]

This question has been more than adequately answered. I'm going to go ahead and close it so that it does not keep getting responses and pushing down newer questions and suggestions.