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~@~@~ Why... Why Do They Do It? ~@~@~
- Thread starter Ladydark
- Start date
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2009
- Location
- here
For the love of god, YES! This is the shared experience of all who rp for fun. You're not alone. It is unfair but it is how it happens. A LOT, man. A lot. Rp is fishing. Sometimes you think you have a bite only to reel it in and have an empty hook. If you want to eat you keep baiting and throwing the line back out. Look in any number of the journal threads and you will see dozens of rants and complaints about this. This isn't a discussion that hasn't happened a hundred times before.
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2009
- Location
- here
As for "why", people are flakes and the anonymity of the internet makes it that much easier to avoid responsibility or facing uncomfortable situations. If someone says they cannot rp with you or they change their minds or do not feel like or whatever, they send you that note and the first damn fucking thing you'll ask is "Why? What did I do wrong? I can change the post! We can do something different!" And that is uncomfortable to face. And that is the most "positive" reaction most people get; others get mad when you tell them you've lost interest and they call you a lesbian or tell you not to waste their time next time. THAT is uncomfortable to face. Some people don't wanna deal with your whiny ass pathetic questions and insecurities, mate. Sometimes it's not you, it just doesn't feel right, not the right time or they lose the spark suddenly. Sometimes it is you. And THAT is uncomfortable to face. And guess what the best part is? They don't owe you dick. People do not have to engage in uncomfortable situations on the internet when they can hide or move on; after all, they don't answer you and it's clear enough what the message is, isn't it? You have signed no contract and a lot of times people find it ruder to be told they're a shitty writer or have stupid ideas or they're a downer to talk to. And some people feel it is ruder to TELL someone that.
Get over it.
Get over it.
wow... But tats the thing with some people, like me, it's not that easy to get over... Some people need to know what went wrong, to try and fix it for next time... It's how their minds work... It's not always so easy to 'get over'
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2009
- Location
- here
It's like you can't frickin' read! It doesn't matter! Get it? Everything, anything, you did it all wrong and now you're partner-less! We're not here to play your editor. You want to get better, you gotta practice and read A LOT, emulate your favorite writers. Don't listen to some bitchass punk on the internet who doesn't have a spine enough to message you anyway! Guess what? No! You DON'T want to hear what they have to say about what you did wrong. Because I guarantee it ain't gonna do dick for you to have that "closure". Giving you a reason is like giving you the glimmering hope that if you ust change that one thing, you will look better to that person as a partner. And it's not the case. It wILL NOT stop basic bitches from dumping your ass without a word. Even me, who has to beat people off with a stick when I bump my request thread, so asked for and so pined for, I still get dumped out on my ass without a word. And I've hounded people; I've done that creepy stalker thing, bunches of times and gotten answers. Doesn't help. Ever. It makes me feel like calling them a lesbian and telling them not to waste my fucking time next time!
Petlover552
Moon
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2014
Ladydark said:
Im like u girl... I can't get over it no matta what...
DJBayview
Supernova
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2009
- Location
- Emerald City, WA
Yep. I'm guilty of it. Usually what happens are terrible cases of writer's block. Feeling ashamed for said writer's block. Then super cereal lack of communication. Then progresses into other partner's frustration, ENTIRELY due to shy-ness and lack of communication.
That's all it is. At least in my experience.
That's all it is. At least in my experience.
Classic procrastination. Writers block. Avoidance of something you feel obligated to do but can't because of XYZ. Awkwardness. Suddenly turned off. Suddenly realising you don't like the way someone writes. I've done it, not proud of it but I've done it
Karameida
Sometimes a Dream, Sometimes a Nightmare
- Joined
- Jun 15, 2011
I've never done it to people. I always tell people [nicely or not] if I'm interested or not. I've dropped RP's because I didn't like how someone wrote or didn't like their attitudes. But I always tell them.
However, I've had a lot of people do this to me. Now, I'm a patient person. I can wait for as long as need be so long as I know whats all going on. But I've had people drop me and not say a word. Then ignore any messages I send while being active everywhere else. It's annoying as shit and for a long time I thought I was just a shitty writer.
I don't know why people do it. There are hundreds and hundreds of possible reasons and everyone has a different one. Some people thought I was an elitist writer [which isn't true] but thats one reason for why some did it to me. Is it the same reason as the others? I have no idea. But, the only thing to do is to just get over it and keep trying. If you don't then you could possibly miss out on meeting an amazing partner and making an incredibly awesome story that you just adore.
It sucks. It really does. And sometimes it hurts but people are assholes. The only thing to do is ignore it as best you can and move on. Then maybe one day flaunting it in their faces like "HAHAHAHAH FUCKING ASSHOLE LOOK WHAT YOU MISSED OUT ON YOU FUCKING PRICK!"
Or something like that. I dunno. =x
However, I've had a lot of people do this to me. Now, I'm a patient person. I can wait for as long as need be so long as I know whats all going on. But I've had people drop me and not say a word. Then ignore any messages I send while being active everywhere else. It's annoying as shit and for a long time I thought I was just a shitty writer.
I don't know why people do it. There are hundreds and hundreds of possible reasons and everyone has a different one. Some people thought I was an elitist writer [which isn't true] but thats one reason for why some did it to me. Is it the same reason as the others? I have no idea. But, the only thing to do is to just get over it and keep trying. If you don't then you could possibly miss out on meeting an amazing partner and making an incredibly awesome story that you just adore.
It sucks. It really does. And sometimes it hurts but people are assholes. The only thing to do is ignore it as best you can and move on. Then maybe one day flaunting it in their faces like "HAHAHAHAH FUCKING ASSHOLE LOOK WHAT YOU MISSED OUT ON YOU FUCKING PRICK!"
Or something like that. I dunno. =x
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2012
- Location
- Australia
I've never done it, and only had it happen to me once, which I didn't appreciate at the time, but found out later was due to personal issues that my partner was experiencing. I think a lot of the reason people do is the anonymity factor that's been mentioned, as well as telling someone that you don't want to write with them any longer, or have lost interest in the story, can be uncomfortable, and many people tend to put off something that's uncomfortable for as long as they can, which then leads to them not doing it at all.
I've felt almost nauseous a couple of times when ending a roleplay with partners, but I think personally, it's just common courtesy, and the right thing to do. Also, I'm one who prefers closure, and to get uncomfortable situations over with as soon as possible, rather than constantly dealing with a niggling sense of (bad) anticipation that I'm going to sign on to see a PM waiting for me which spells out how rude and disrespectful I've been - because I wouldn't be able to disagree, I do find it rude and disrespectful. The good thing about doing it, particularly with those stories which just run out of steam rather than being due to issues with your partner, or how your writing meshes, is that you don't burn any bridges, and leave open the possibility of writing together again.
One of the reasons I think I've been reasonably lucky is that good OoC rapport and communication is just as important to me as the story itself, and I won't even begin a roleplay with someone I don't feel that vibe with. Once you have 'camaraderie' and mutual respect, I think you're more likely to bring issues up rather than just dump without notice or communication.
I've felt almost nauseous a couple of times when ending a roleplay with partners, but I think personally, it's just common courtesy, and the right thing to do. Also, I'm one who prefers closure, and to get uncomfortable situations over with as soon as possible, rather than constantly dealing with a niggling sense of (bad) anticipation that I'm going to sign on to see a PM waiting for me which spells out how rude and disrespectful I've been - because I wouldn't be able to disagree, I do find it rude and disrespectful. The good thing about doing it, particularly with those stories which just run out of steam rather than being due to issues with your partner, or how your writing meshes, is that you don't burn any bridges, and leave open the possibility of writing together again.
One of the reasons I think I've been reasonably lucky is that good OoC rapport and communication is just as important to me as the story itself, and I won't even begin a roleplay with someone I don't feel that vibe with. Once you have 'camaraderie' and mutual respect, I think you're more likely to bring issues up rather than just dump without notice or communication.
Le Petit Kinkster
Super-Earth
- Joined
- Jun 20, 2012
I've done this more than I want to admit and people have pretty much covered my reasons, honestly. Often times, I just... Really lose interest, and I can lose interest suddenly and without warning. Sometimes it's the plot, sometimes it's getting a paragraph of intro post in response to an intro I sent that was 800 words and took me a long time to write, other times it's just that my partner doesn't write that well and it's irritating but I don't think it's my place to say 'Yo dude you confused 'your' and 'you're' and you Capitalize random Words for some reason' and give them a damned grammar lesson because I don't know about anyone else but that seems like it would be really insulting.
And then other times RL shit comes up, I disappear for two weeks, and then I get back and it's like 'well they never messaged me to ask what's up so I guess that's that'.
I'm getting better at it, at trying to mention to people when I'm not interested or that something has happened, except then they might get like the person above who got all hypothetically hysterical over why a partner left, and... Will it really make anyone feel better if I say I don't think their writing is good, or that I don't like their character or something? Or will that add insult to injury? :/
And then other times RL shit comes up, I disappear for two weeks, and then I get back and it's like 'well they never messaged me to ask what's up so I guess that's that'.
I'm getting better at it, at trying to mention to people when I'm not interested or that something has happened, except then they might get like the person above who got all hypothetically hysterical over why a partner left, and... Will it really make anyone feel better if I say I don't think their writing is good, or that I don't like their character or something? Or will that add insult to injury? :/
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2014
I have never once left or bailed on my partner without letting them know that I am no longer interested.
The one that aggravates me is I told the person I did not want to role play with them, but they begged me to, so feeling guilty I told them yes. Now they haven't even responded to me at all. It's like... Why waste my time?
People like that just make me get writers block and to not want to write at all.
The one that aggravates me is I told the person I did not want to role play with them, but they begged me to, so feeling guilty I told them yes. Now they haven't even responded to me at all. It's like... Why waste my time?
People like that just make me get writers block and to not want to write at all.
Ironic said:
I mean I can see people like....getting anxious over someones writing quality. I used to get that when I was younger lmao
INTIMIDATING and then you get scared of saying anything so you just avoid it and the more you avoid it the more of a jackass you feel, its awful lmao
C
Chai
Guest
It happens, and while I could convince myself that I really care about someone who drops me without even telling me that they were dropping me, I just don't bother with the bullshit. My general attitude toward people who do that is literally this, and in my eyes, they are just a waste of my time if I continue trying to ask myself what I fucked up on.
Roleplaying is a collaborative effort, almost like a relationship, and sometimes it takes months to find the right partners for you. And maybe if you were actually doing something wrong, you should re-evaluate yourself and ask why people are leaving you, but if you aren't? Then obviously those people aren't grown enough to tell you something as simple as, "hey for reasons 'xyz' im dropping ur ass.'
I don't even require people to give me a reason, and I think that's honestly for the better. I don't want to be hung up on a partner, just as I wouldn't want to be hung up on an ex-boyfriend because I asked him to tell me what my flaws were. Quinn is right, you'd end up feeling like if you fix those things, then maybe they'd roleplay with you, and that's not a good feeling to have, especially if you still get ignored even after having 'fixed' whatever was 'wrong' with you in the first place.
As for why people drop without a word... I think people have already stated that. I'm not going to get into it, because the last time I did that was when I was 14 or something, and it was because I had just started high school and a lot of extra activities, and well, it was a big change. Not that it should be an excuse for dropping without a word, but I've matured since then and haven't randomly dropped a partner.
The best advice I can give you is to stop messing with those irrelevants and casuals - you don't need a response from them to validate your ability as a roleplayer/writer. If I could easily get constructive criticism from one of my BMR friends, why would I want to get it from someone who literally means nothing in my life except being a 2-second RP partner? Just be like, "effing bye felicia" and move on. Like Jay Z, on to the next one.
Now, I understand being shy or whatever, and that's why I tell people from the beginning that if they have a problem with me or my writing, then no matter how awkward they may feel, then to just tell me. I don't ask questions. I don't get upset. I say, "Well, for what it's worth, I really hoped it would work out. If you ever feel like you wanna roleplay with me again, just let me know." Done. No big. Like Quix, I find it rude and disrespectful to completely ignore somebody because it makes you feel uncomfortable. It makes me feel uncomfortable to tell a dude that I'm not interested in them, but I do it because leaving a person hanging is rude.
BUT, I think there are ways to combat lack of communication and I definitely think there are ways to break the barrier of shyness. Like Quix said, OoC chat is a great way to maintain great communication. A huge thing for me about roleplay partners is how well we get along just as people. It makes things a whole lot easier if you need to remove something, edit something, or just tell them that something's not working for you. And finding those partners takes time. Sometimes it took me a couple days, and even in one case I thought this person totally hated me, and then it turned out after I contacted him again like 4 months later, we actually got along great. And, as an added bonus, if one of those close partners disappears without a word, you'll feel better about the fact that they're your friend, and you won't even mind it half as much.
So with all that being said, I hope everything works out for your roleplay endeavors. Just keep on doing you, let the irrelevants keep being irrelevant, and know that there are partners who actually care about being courteous.
Roleplaying is a collaborative effort, almost like a relationship, and sometimes it takes months to find the right partners for you. And maybe if you were actually doing something wrong, you should re-evaluate yourself and ask why people are leaving you, but if you aren't? Then obviously those people aren't grown enough to tell you something as simple as, "hey for reasons 'xyz' im dropping ur ass.'
I don't even require people to give me a reason, and I think that's honestly for the better. I don't want to be hung up on a partner, just as I wouldn't want to be hung up on an ex-boyfriend because I asked him to tell me what my flaws were. Quinn is right, you'd end up feeling like if you fix those things, then maybe they'd roleplay with you, and that's not a good feeling to have, especially if you still get ignored even after having 'fixed' whatever was 'wrong' with you in the first place.
As for why people drop without a word... I think people have already stated that. I'm not going to get into it, because the last time I did that was when I was 14 or something, and it was because I had just started high school and a lot of extra activities, and well, it was a big change. Not that it should be an excuse for dropping without a word, but I've matured since then and haven't randomly dropped a partner.
The best advice I can give you is to stop messing with those irrelevants and casuals - you don't need a response from them to validate your ability as a roleplayer/writer. If I could easily get constructive criticism from one of my BMR friends, why would I want to get it from someone who literally means nothing in my life except being a 2-second RP partner? Just be like, "effing bye felicia" and move on. Like Jay Z, on to the next one.
Now, I understand being shy or whatever, and that's why I tell people from the beginning that if they have a problem with me or my writing, then no matter how awkward they may feel, then to just tell me. I don't ask questions. I don't get upset. I say, "Well, for what it's worth, I really hoped it would work out. If you ever feel like you wanna roleplay with me again, just let me know." Done. No big. Like Quix, I find it rude and disrespectful to completely ignore somebody because it makes you feel uncomfortable. It makes me feel uncomfortable to tell a dude that I'm not interested in them, but I do it because leaving a person hanging is rude.
BUT, I think there are ways to combat lack of communication and I definitely think there are ways to break the barrier of shyness. Like Quix said, OoC chat is a great way to maintain great communication. A huge thing for me about roleplay partners is how well we get along just as people. It makes things a whole lot easier if you need to remove something, edit something, or just tell them that something's not working for you. And finding those partners takes time. Sometimes it took me a couple days, and even in one case I thought this person totally hated me, and then it turned out after I contacted him again like 4 months later, we actually got along great. And, as an added bonus, if one of those close partners disappears without a word, you'll feel better about the fact that they're your friend, and you won't even mind it half as much.
So with all that being said, I hope everything works out for your roleplay endeavors. Just keep on doing you, let the irrelevants keep being irrelevant, and know that there are partners who actually care about being courteous.
Yeah, especially with new partners in roleplaying there is always this threshold of awkwardness that I'm really bored of having to power through, to build up a familiarity with them and have the confidence to say; this doesn't work, it's boring me, I'm losing interest, maybe could we try this idea, etc
If I can't joke around and relax around someone, it feels more like a chore and a duty rather than a shared interest.
I've had my BFF as my main RP partner for like 5 years now, and we go in and out of RP throughout the day, fuck around and goof off and sometimes just drop it for later. I think like any group activity, there is this pressure to perform and that can put people off even at the first, second or nth hurdle.
And as writers, and creative people, our egos are intrinsically going to be hooked to our writing and its reputation. Just like any large group with little subgroups of people, there's gonna be the desire to be 10/10 with every creative endeavour, especially if pickings are scarce
If I can't joke around and relax around someone, it feels more like a chore and a duty rather than a shared interest.
I've had my BFF as my main RP partner for like 5 years now, and we go in and out of RP throughout the day, fuck around and goof off and sometimes just drop it for later. I think like any group activity, there is this pressure to perform and that can put people off even at the first, second or nth hurdle.
And as writers, and creative people, our egos are intrinsically going to be hooked to our writing and its reputation. Just like any large group with little subgroups of people, there's gonna be the desire to be 10/10 with every creative endeavour, especially if pickings are scarce
Silvered Sutures
Broken Muse Under Repair
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2023
I loathe this kind of stuff. You lost interest? You saw my first post, and somehow it turned you off from the RP completely? A long time RP friend just came back from hiatus and now you don't have the free time? A ton of things could have happened, sure...
If not; just tell me. It's no hard feelings, I can delete our OoC DM, make room in my inbox for actual important stuff, and find another RP partner now that I know for certain that the slot in question is empty. I try to have active RPs going so I don't think about the dread of my existence. If I'm not RPing because I left a slot open on the off-chance you'll come back or just got busy, it actively negatively impacts my mental health.
Normalize just telling people you're no longer interested in the RP and letting them know if its something they did so they can process it and move on. Afraid of what they'll say back? Block them! It's not like you're gonna RP with them anyway, right?
If not; just tell me. It's no hard feelings, I can delete our OoC DM, make room in my inbox for actual important stuff, and find another RP partner now that I know for certain that the slot in question is empty. I try to have active RPs going so I don't think about the dread of my existence. If I'm not RPing because I left a slot open on the off-chance you'll come back or just got busy, it actively negatively impacts my mental health.
Normalize just telling people you're no longer interested in the RP and letting them know if its something they did so they can process it and move on. Afraid of what they'll say back? Block them! It's not like you're gonna RP with them anyway, right?
I'll admit I have ghosted before to a few people, but only because me trying to tell them what was wrong was falling on deaf ears and I gave up trying to fix it 
But to just *Poof* while still being active and looking for the same plot I was very willing to do… just sucks >___< and when I ask if you still want to, and your response is to leave the conversion...
But to just *Poof* while still being active and looking for the same plot I was very willing to do… just sucks >___< and when I ask if you still want to, and your response is to leave the conversion...