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A Fifty Shades Review - Just in time for the BS movie

RE: A Fifty Shades Review



Haha!

I've never actually read the books but I have been told they were more or less as bad as this blogger said. And truthfully, after reading some of the sample quotes, I now realize and know I don't wanna read them.

This week has definitely been a hectic one for me so ... thanks, Hahvoc. This was certainly needed for me.

-Esyel
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RE: A Fifty Shades Review

I've read those reviews before, and I really enjoy them! They're honest, and while they may be a bit exaggerated, they hold quite a bit of truth to them. I was laughing along, even the second time reading it now. The gifs are probably the best part... They complete her reviews, and they're the absolute perfect pictures to match what she's saying xD.

I've read the Fifty Shades trilogy, and while I wasn't impressed with the writing or the sex scenes or the predictability of the book, I thought it had its 'okay' moments.

What I agreed with was that these books do make young women (adolescents mostly) think that this kind of relationship is perfectly normal. It's a very unrealistic view of love, one that definitely doesn't happen anywhere in real life. That being said, I did like how both characters found love through their faults and overcame their inner demons. It's nice to think that even if you think so much is wrong with you, you can still find someone who will genuinely love you for simply being you. Is that an optimistic outlook of the book and its characters? Probably, but I'm also just an optimistic person.

All the Twilight references are made because E.L James started it as Twilight fanfic, and when it garnered lots of online attention, her fans convinced her to write it as a novel with completely new characters... Although "new" isn't really the right word to use. Christian Grey looks exactly like Edward Cullen except for the eyes, and Ana Steele looks exactly like Bella. There are way too many similarities. That being said, if it started out as a Twilight fanfic, then of course Ana was going to end up bland-as-fuck and pretty much a cookie-cutter 'innocent/timid' type woman. And then, Christian was going to end up as the dangerous bad boy who the woman really shouldn't fall in love with, but she does anyway because he makes her feel some type of way. Honestly, I thought Grey had a more appealing and deeper personality than Steele because we rarely see strong men being portrayed as actually very insecure and unsure about himself.

As for the writing... First-person perspective allowed the writer to repeat such things as "oh my" and shit like that. They're italicized text that one can tell are Ana's thoughts coming through her actual narrative of what's happening, but it was almost cringe-worthy how repetitive it was. The writing was just... juvenile. It sounded like a 18 year-old's life story about her first whirlwind romance rather than a 22 year-old woman's story of how she found herself through love. But for how innocent Ana was... she may as well have been a teenager in the books.

All in all, it's not an award-winning series or anything. Just a fun little something to read if you like books that have a lot of description of a character's emotions and inner monologues. If you're into romance novels for the sex, don't even bother. It's just a lot of "unf Christian, pound the shit out of me," and "I climaxed, shattering into a million pieces as I felt him still beneath me." I mean, you can tell it was this author's fantasy sex scenes translating onto the page. And, if you like just excellent writing... don't bother, haha. You'll be sorely disappointed. To me, it sounded like this author was writing a young-adult fiction novel. Which it might have been, if you omitted all the sex stuff.

But that's just my $0.02! :) Those reviews really are wonderful though. Thanks for sharing, Hahvoc!
 
RE: A Fifty Shades Review

The reviews for these were just fantastic. I enjoyed the shit out of them. The best parts were the quotes to the book and her reaction to those quotes. Because they were so fucking shitty. I really don't understand how books like 50 shades of grey and Twilight could have such a large following.

They're both beyond stupid. There really are no redeeming qualities about the books. At all. I'd prefer reading a math book, Encyclopedia, Shakespeare, Stephen King and Anne Rice before I EVER touched those fucking books.

And I haven't read the books but from what I could tell from the pieces they provided and all I don't think they actually found love. They are dependent on each other in a terrible way and it's a destructive relationship where they don't trust each other, seems like they really don't listen either. They are beyond obsessive about each other bordering or having crossed over THAT line.

And while being able to know what the characters thoughts and feelings are on a topic is awesome it's worthless if the characters are boring as shit with no REAL emotions except a few bouts of anger it seems. It's also wasted if the character has nothing useful or important to say but is constantly droning on about the SAME FUCKING SHIT OVER AND OVER AGAIN. And instead of doing ya know, the smart thing and leaving that abusive kind of relationship the stupid bitch STAYS. Why the fuck...would you date someone like that? REALLY!? I have nothing against dom/sub relationships but that was NOT Dom/Sub. That was some guy who very nearly raped and beat [and wanted to] her through all the book. REALLY!?

Anywas, thanks for linking that. It was hilarious and I enjoyed it immensely.
 
RE: A Fifty Shades Review

I love books, especially when, even from third person, you get a good grasp on the emotions of the characters.

This is not one of those books that even knows what character depth actually is.

There is no depth, therefore, the "emotions" are about as deep as an alcoholic's shot glass: usually empty and repetitive.
 
I just can't wait until the movie is released! Hopefully the delay of its opening in Australia will stretch out for a decade or two.

What I've never been able to understand is the hype; there were novels with similar themes, much better written, released way before Shades. The Story of O, The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by Anne Rice, writing as A. N. Roquelaure, and the 'Carrie' novels by Molly Weatherfield, to name a few.

Anyway, back on topic, the reviews are hilarious, thanks for sharing.
 
I liked Story of O, I've not read or even heard of those others except Sleeping Beauty and I hear it suffers from being dominated by spanking scenes.

What we need is a new 120 Days of Sodom, the old modernised retelling as Salo didn't go far enough.
 
You're right about Sleeping Beauty being dominated by spanking scenes, and they do become tiresome. As for Carrie's Story, and its sequel, Safe Word, I just came across them randomly on Amazon. The premise is fairly similar to Shades of Grey, but written well before. I enjoyed the Story of O as well.

Now, I know of 120 days of Sodom, but not much about it.
 
I only bring up 120 Days because the writer, Marquis de Sade, and the fact that it is full of so much shit and graphic torture. So it would amuse me for it to be faithfully filmed.
 
Your posts are bringing back what I do know of it, and I agree, it would be rather amusing to see. I think the problem would be finding someone to provide the financing! It'd probably be banned here, anyway, as Caligula apparently was.
 
You missed nothing with Caligula, I remember when it came out and all the hype, it was graphic and unusual for the time, but nowdays its probably a meh. At the time I lost a lot of respect for the actors in it, I have since forgiven Helen Mirren and Malcolm McDowell (my little droogie!). When I went through 120 Days I often thought that only Bob Guccione could make it into a movie, but the amount of feces required for the movie would be astronomical.

Those French dudes back then - cray-ZEE.
 
I liked Caligula, and there was an Italian film based on 120 Days of Sodom called Salo. They moved it up and had it set towards the end of WWII, most of the torture was done off screen.
 
HOLY SWEET HERA! YES!

This is bad but it made me laugh a whole bunch. I've never actually read the books but just from the review of it in the first post I could tell it was hella abusive and bad. So to see these 50 moments pointed out like that just made me laugh a lot. I can't believe people are trying to argue that there arn't any moments like these at all.

It's so perfectly obvious that there is such moments [even in the little snippets that are provided in the review] that it is hilarious. And, I know, abuse is never funny. But the fact that such OBVIOUS abuse needs to be pointed out to these morons IS very funny. I loved that list.
 
Hahvoc The Decepticon said:
So, I found this blogger who did a review on the Fifty Shades trilogy....and found fucking gold.

This shit is hilarious, and if you've been having a rough time like I have, it will seriously cheer you the fuck up.


Enjoy.

Fifty Shades of WTF: An Awesome and Hilarious Review.
Click to expand...

I disagree completely with the reviewer saying that this isn't a plausible or good fantasy to have. Fuck that bitch. What? Is she some Jesus loving, repressive Victorian? People have fantasies about Hannibal Lector. People have fantasies about Jax Teller. People have fantasies about being Harley Quinn in a relationship with the fucking Joker, for God's sakes. Fantasies aren't about shit you actually want to fucking happen. That's why you think about it from the safety of your fucking head. Having fantasies about abusive relationships, serial killers, drug addicts, cannibals doesn't make you a bad or stupid person and anybody who says it does needs to go suck on Jesus Christ's cock some more. Deep throat that shit, fucking retard.

Yes. The writing is bad. Agree. This is probably the first book of it's kind getting not only national but worldwide attention. I'm kind of surprised by all the bad and negative reactions it's getting. Like, the way I see it because of how this shit usually goes:

1.This is poorly written, poorly researched and yes, an example of poor character and story development. Its' the very basic, porn-with-plot, romance fanfiction, so, no, we can't expect a lot from it. It will inspire people to talk about it. Talk about BDSM, how it's supposed to be, get the nation and the world to recognize this on a large scale. The Secretary was great but it's not a household name, thus failed to really revolutionize this and bring it to the masses.

2. It will inspire budding writers. People who like the book, thinking they maybe want to write their sexual fantasies down for the first time and aspire to become just as big. Or the opposite, people who hated the book, think they can do better, so they write a better book and aspire to become just as big. It gets people talking about better erotic fiction out there. We read those books, now, what else is there? It's what we all want, those of us who come here and take the writing seriously. To have it be recognized, to not have to hide our little drabbles from family and friends in shame but to be proud. To talk about it in pulbic: YES. I write porn! And it's good!

Karameida said:
HOLY SWEET HERA! YES!

This is bad but it made me laugh a whole bunch. I've never actually read the books but just from the review of it in the first post I could tell it was hella abusive and bad. So to see these 50 moments pointed out like that just made me laugh a lot. I can't believe people are trying to argue that there arn't any moments like these at all.

It's so perfectly obvious that there is such moments [even in the little snippets that are provided in the review] that it is hilarious. And, I know, abuse is never funny. But the fact that such OBVIOUS abuse needs to be pointed out to these morons IS very funny. I loved that list.
Click to expand...

Yes. There is what is considered abuse and manipulation in the book.

Stayin said:
I'm just gonna leave this here...
Click to expand...

This actually makes me really hot for Steve Buscemi. I'd watch that shit.
 
One of my friends tried to do a comparison with Frozen.

She was like 'omg, if Fifty Shades is supposedly about abuse then Frozen is really about locking your kid up because they are different.'

I wanted to shoot her.
 
Rudolph Quin said:
Stayin said:
I'm just gonna leave this here...
Click to expand...

This actually makes me really hot for Steve Buscemi. I'd watch that shit.
Click to expand...

If they ever do a parody that the Wayans haven't considered... Buscemi needs to be in it... I would watch that in a heartbeat.

... With a gimp mask.
 


' He beat my ass like an african drum. '

Just going to leave that here and state:
50 Shades Of Grey is Trash,
Glorification of abuse,
and should be removed.

It started out as a Twilight fanfiction.
How bad can you get.

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