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Too blunt?

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Demie

Demie

Planetoid
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Location
London
Someone just sent me a PM asking me to RP which contained the phrase "I'm not a grammar freak" which I found a little barbed since I do tend to be quite discerning about spelling etc. (A side effect of working at a university, most people who email me or talk to me on a daily basis have a PhD - hence high standards) So I just responded with "Sorry, but I am a grammar freak" to point out that we probably were not going to be compatible.

He then sent me a second message insinuating I'd been rude, so am I supposed to wrap my words in cotton wool around here and just give generic 'no thank you' type messages if someone makes an unappealing offer? To me that would just seem dismissive and acting without explaining myself, which would be the rude option.

This is a genuine question as I haven't roleplayed before and I don't really know the etiquette of how to decline without upsetting people, or am I not supposed to respond at all if the answer is no?
 
First and foremost, welcome to BMR!

Second, no matter what you do and what you say... you will not please everyone. There is no sense in trying. The best thing you can do is be genuine and be yourself. Of course, there's no need to ever strive to be purposefully nasty to anyone. But that's not to say you shouldn't sugar coat things either. Me, personally? I prefer those who are candid and blunt and I'm sure there are others out there much like myself. There are others, however, who are not of this vein and prefer another type of personality. That said, this is a large site. You will come across many different types of personalities. You will be compatible with some and not with others. Clearly the very fact that this person wasn't able to handle your replay just further solidifies the fact that your intuition was correct that there was incompatibility. And, quite frankly, this is ok. So long as you are both mature enough to see this and let it go and not fuel flames so that it becomes something pointless.

Anyway, I do hope that tidbit of insight helps you in some form or fashion. : )
 
Thanks Darkangel, it does help. It's no so much that I'm trying to please everyone, but when it's one of the very first people you have any contact with pretty much treats you as if you've been an ass, I think you have to consider the possibility that you're the one who didn't meet the 'local' standards.
 
Fuck'em, not worth your time.

This is a fairly laid back place with enough of a membership that you don't need to walk on eggshells less you insult the only group of rpers.

Be sure to wander through chat sometime, friendly folks that appreciate grammar.
 
I find you very easy to chat with, and I am looking forward to our roleplay! There are hundreds, if not thousands of regular visitors to Bluemoon. I'm not saying the person that messaged you is, but there are tons of assholes as well. Just the nature of the internet! Im sure you will find a few 'favorite' partners.
 
Demie said:
Thanks Darkangel, it does help. It's no so much that I'm trying to please everyone, but when it's one of the very first people you have any contact with pretty much treats you as if you've been an ass, I think you have to consider the possibility that you're the one who didn't meet the 'local' standards.
Click to expand...

If it makes you feel better, when I came back after nearly a year hiatus the first person I was brave enough to contact not only denied me but accused me of not reading his thread correctly. It sucks and is off putting, but I remembered that there are many people on this site who are more than willing to roleplay with me and give me a chance. So I just brushed it off.

Don't worry, it happens to the best of us. :p
 
As to whether I'd personally consider your response 'too blunt', would depend on the content and tone of the original post. If yours was just a single line reply to someone who, apart from one phrase, was courteous and respectful, then maybe I'd think it uncalled for, or that it could have been expressed in a different manner.

Having said that, I'm not exactly known for my own subtlety, and tend to work on the adage that, 'offence can never be given, only taken'. You can't be responsible for how someone else may perceive your reply, and there's nothing wrong with saying what you think. We're all adults here. How I respond to someone generally depends on their initial approach, and if they've obviously ignored, or displayed no understanding of, something that I've written in my threads.
 
It was pretty much a one-line message that he sent in the first place, the first word just being 'LOL' at his own choice of a subject line which was "what a gorgeous heart shaped ass" ... he offered no greeting, and pointed out in his very first line that he didn't much care for grammar. I don't think it was me who lowered the tone there.
 
Me personally, I would appreciate it if someone was blunt other than sugar coating something that doesn't need to be. Life isn't about making things sweet, life is about reality, and reality can get pretty gruesome.

I say keep to your ways, not everyone you talk to will be pleased with what you'll have to offer or say.

Don't let one bad apple ruin so many good ones! :)​
 
the never-ending curse of the unspoken language. We are made for picking up pitches, tones the manner words are spoken. when it is purely digital all we're left with is guessing, and putting meaning of our own to the words we recieve... the same word can be coated in both poison and honey, depending on how I feel like determining it.
It doesn't matter wether it WAS too blunt or not, as long as the recieving end is sensitive to that kind, and is forced to try and enterprete the coating himself...

Just like there's a difference between calling someone an idiot..... and an Idiot ;)
 
Demie,

Your answer was just fine. It sounds like he had some hang ups. Don't let it bother you and don't be afraid to say 'No thank you' to any request that comes through that you don't want to do. You are not obligated to role play with anyone or with any plot that you do not think will be enjoyable.

That being said, make sure to check out people's past posts to see if they have a writing style and content that you'd enjoy. I've agreed to role play with people before who assure me that they enjoy detail and character development only to get half-assed responses that add nothing to the story. When I PM'd them to tell them (politely) that I am no longer interested in the RP it's led to some pretty ugly (and sometimes public) blow outs on their behalf.

You gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find that prince. :cool: Hope you find a group of writers on BMR that you enjoy writing with.
 
He was upset about being rejected more than anything else and also he thought the "Grammar Freak" line was probably something people are supposed to say to be more inclusive or something along those lines so was probably baffled as to why it didn't work for him!

And welcome.
 
Completely incredibly too blunt. This lady showed nothing but rudeness towards other role players and projects her own unhealthy emotions into things written towards her. Wrote her letting her know I hope she'd had a good day. This literally equals ignore, her closing the roleplay thread, and reprimanding me for my politeness that she felt was my prompting her.

Incredibly overly emotional and reacts poorly to anything said. Avoid scenes with her.
 
To be honest, I would have probably given the same answer as you did, Demie. And I don't have a heart-shaped ass for him to respond to. lol

The simple truth is, if the other person starts out by saying "I'm not a grammar freak", that's a warning sign that their grammar may be atrocious. Or at the very least, that they don't make the effort to use good grammar because they don't think it matters in role play. Don't get me wrong. My grammar's not perfect. But that doesn't mean I don't try to improve upon it. That's because the only thing that drives me crazier than bad grammar is bad spelling.

Of course, punctuation is my biggest weakness. :s
 
This thread has been dead for a month and should not have been necroed, so to keep it from getting out of hand I'll be locking this thread.
 
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