Spam & Cold Calls 101

[darkangel76]

Because I think people need a little insight on the subject (also, this is going to be going into the site rules, expect updates shortly). : )

SPAM

Spam. What is it? The purest definition is:

Stupid Pointless Annoying Mail.

All of us receive this in our PM box at one point or another. It can be in the form of, "Hey." or "Wanna RP?" or a slew of other one liners that most of us find rather annoying. When we find such PMs in our inbox, rather than getting testy about it--because, again, EVERYONE gets these--just click the delete button and the PM will magically disappear from your inbox. Such messages do not warrant a report. Why? Because the person hasn't harassed you, hasn't stepped over the line. Was it pointless? Sure. But they hardly did anything to warrant a report.

COLD CALLS

Now, occasionally these so-called 'spam' PMs can take on the form of what some people term 'cold calls'. Some cold calls actually make sense in that the person doing the sending took the time to look over your request thread, to do their research on YOU--the receiver of their PM. However, not everyone does this. Unfortunately, there are some VERY socially awkward people out there who do not get any kind of etiquette and thus do not bother doing the research and are too wrapped up in meeting their own RP needs. Annoying? Yes. However, if the person sends you something well thought out/scripted, this doesn't warrant a report unless the request itself is not site compliant. In these cases, you have three options if the cold call bothers you in any way and you wish to not 'deal' with it ~ ignore the PM, politely respond to the sender telling them not to bother you and perhaps why (key word POLITELY) or place the sender on block/ignore. Any of these options will give you amazing results since 9x out of 10 the person won't bother you again if you either don't respond or tell them nicely to leave you alone.

For the extenuating circumstances where those who repeatedly pester you with cold calls (or any other type of PM) AFTER you've told them to leave you alone (again, you must have told them to leave you alone because you cannot assume they 'get it' unless you've specifically spoken up at least once)? Those warrant a report since that starts to get into harassment territory.

 

[Gio Mia]

Could we have a thread compiled of known cold-callers, and at their own discretion users could add these people to their ignore list before it happens? Just asking since I received my third one this morning and it's only 11am.

 

[Goose Quill]

Singling people out like that is generally a very bad idea. There are no rules against cold calls, provided that they are done in a respectful manner, and you would be surprised at how often these cold callers are actually worth the time to respond to. Compiling a list for mass-ignoring hurts you and the site as a whole just as much as it hurts these 'cold callers'. If you do not like cold calls then the best thing that you can do is put "No Cold Calls" somewhere in your profile.

Most cold callers, or at least the ones worth responding to, will check your profile to see what you are into before sending a cold call. Most of these people will then give you the respect of not sending a PM. Those who do are either so self-centered that they did not bother to check your profile before messaging you or are disrespectful enough not to comply to your wishes. In either case, both of these might warrant an ignore.

That is the best suggestion that I can offer you, Gio. Compiling a list of cold callers would not only take a fair bit of time, manpower, and communication, but would also be a detriment to the site as a whole. That's just my two cents.

 

[darkangel76]

Exactly. Goose Quill said it pretty eloquently.

Making a list of 'shame' is a not a good idea. It shows that we support singling people out and pointing fingers and that is never good to do. Any time you idealize negativity you are asking for trouble and just bringing down the atmosphere in general. It tends to put people on edge and add a sense of fear that if you send a PM to someone who has a RT that is more than a month old that you might be considered cold calling and that can be a matter of interpretation!

Also, some cold callers truly do not believe they are doing so and, though a shame, this is just a fact. And then you have cold callers who do try to be respectful--even those who don't necessarily look at your RT. Meaning, they might not look at your RT, but they took the time to send you a well thought out PM and, if you are polite enough to respond and tell them you aren't interested, they will graciously bow out and leave you alone. So why punish them? They are not harassing you, they are being site compliant in content. At most, they've caused you to take one minute of your time to send them a PM saying, "Thank you for PMing, but I am not interested and here is why:......"

 

[Gio Mia]

It isn't the time investment that bothers me, it's the fact that they're generally pretty insulting. For example, here's an example of one I got this morning:

See more

Hello my name is <Removed for the sake of privacy>. I really liked your post and wanted to know if you would like to see my ideas.
<link removed for same reason> here is a link to all my ideas
If you like any of them please pm the numbers or number you like back to me. oh and though not all of these are needed Almost no matter what my big kinks are.

1.A girl who enjoys a fine cigar.

2.Expensive lingerie with bra, panties, garters, garter belts, stocking and the whole shebang

3.Knocking a girl up and she wants to be knocked up that’s fun

4.Dirty talk (if I’m putting a baby in side of you beg for it, if you’re a good girl beg to be fucked like a 10 dollar whore)

5. Flexibility can you put your legs behind your head? maybe you used to be a gymnast I find it really hot when I can fuck a girl who can wrap her leg around me 3 times lol. But really a little flexibility can be fun.

Seems fairly polite and legitimate right? Well, no, considering that he's flat out lying to me about having taken the time to read my thread. Since my only thread has the title of "Closed" and the body of the text explains why in a grand total of seven words. It's insulting and irritating to have people blatantly lie to you and assume that you're too dumb to notice.

 

[Goose Quill]

This is an instance where you should just ignore that one person and move along, then. This is one of those times where ignoring that person is the best answer, seeing as they blatantly lied about reading your thread. Not all cold callers are like that, however. Making a list of shame simply isn't a viable option for a site that seems to be so open and inclusive. It's a slippery slope that would likely cause many people to leave, myself included. I've never seen an adult forum as open as this one and I've never seen one so active. This is surely no coincidence. I've seen many forums, sites, guilds, etc. fizzle and die from openly shaming their members for any particular reason.

There's nothing wrong with ignoring someone that offends you in some way, but ignoring someone before they even message you is just... well, it's downright ignorant, for a lack of better words. Not all cold callers are as bad as this guy/gal.

 

[darkangel76]

Indeed. And this is exactly why we have an 'ignore' feature. To ignore the few weeds that unfortunately are there. But to punish everyone? No. And I certainly do not condone publicly shaming anyone. That just isn't happening so long as I am head admin.