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Words of Nothing

Joined
Oct 11, 2009
Well, figured I would kick things off with my own little dose of angst. Just know I don't plan on making this a habit.

Ok, well up until June '08, I had never been in a relationship. I had always been really quiet and introverted and knew nothing about dating. Well that previous winter I had met a nice girl who I had become friends with and by the time summer had started, we had decided to start dating. So we were in a relationship for a good 8 months before she broke it off. Needless to say I was devastated. This had been my first love, and I had put a lot into this relationship. She said the reason she wanted to break up was cause our relationship was hampering our spiritual lives. So it ended, but I made the mistake of not quite being willing to let it go. I tried to cling onto a chance she might come around, but that just hurt me more. It didn't help that she started dating again a month after we broke up, which felt too soon for me. (It had been my first break-up)

So I stopped talking to her and went down to Florida to try and focus on other things in life. So the summer comes and goes, and I became apprehensive. I was starting my sophmore year of college, and she was going to be going to the same school as me. It was ok for a while, I would see her sometimes, and we were able to have normal conversations. It still kinda stung when she talked about her boyfriend, but I tried to ignore it. So a few months into the school year, I find out she broke up with her new bf cause he was being an ass. I didn't really believe that meant a second chance for me, but at least I knew she wouldn't be talking about her bf.

Sadly, it actually got more unpleasant. She started dating a guy that goes to our school after about month from breaking up with her previous guy. This would be less of an issue if we didn't have a lot of the same friends and if she didn't always end up snuggling up with him whenever they are together. Now I am extremely uncomfortable whenever I am around them.

What makes it worse is that I was talking to a friend that we share and she said she had lied about why she broke up with me, and really did it because she didn't have the same feelings for me anymore. Apparently she thought it would be easier on me if she didn't tell me that. The thing is, it would have been better. Since she gave a half-assed reason to break up, I thought there was still a chance for us, which led her to think she should act like a bitch to try and completely cut it off, which only hurt me more in the end. So I am just so tired of caring about this girl, but I still miss her and our relationship. Its all very frustrating.

So there is my angsty rant. I doubt its all that interesting, but I just felt like writing out this annoyance I have been feeling lately.
 
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