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Rudolph Quin

Rudolph Quin

Mistaken for some sort of scoundrel
Withdrawn
Joined
Aug 2, 2009
Location
here
Hey... I didn't know we could delete posts in the middle of a thread like that. Heh, now it looks weird.

Anyway, not that anyone will check back and this won't be bumped again, but just as a bit of explanation for why everyone is talking to themselves in this thread... they're super crazy. And they're my friends, originally commenting on stuff I posted here but which I took out and transported elsewhere. For a couple reasons.

1. I feel like not a lot of people get me. Might seem conceited to say but a lot of folks either get irritated about my over dramatization about things or they take me way too seriously about it. Sometimes people just want to help and it feels like I'm not getting it because on a near monthly basis I have another crisis. It's called a period. Just kidding. No, actually, although I'm no longer stuck in a toxic cycle that threatens to obliterate me in despair and self-loathing, I'm still dealing with that history. I probably will never get rid of some unhealthy habits completely simply because I am emotional and I do have a lot of pride. This is deep, childhood programming. So, honestly, I don't see my constant state of flux as being detrimental but actually a sign of health, especially when I'm offered time and again opportunities to self-analyze and get myself out of mental knots by myself. Advice is appreciated but oftentimes, I feel like people are groaning to themselves about me just "not getting it" as if my state of mind is supposed to stay balanced and unwavering at all times.

2. My journey into the occult has brought me to some information about thought forms and the basis of reality being formed through perspective and intent. I've also learned how other people's intent can affect reality, namely, my own. So, to not shoot myself in the foot for those who would like to see me fail or who think they know what is best for me, I feel it is no longer wise to allow my personal story and journey to be made public.

For all the ups and downs, this thread has served its purpose well and I still appreciate everyone who thought to offer their perspective and their support.
 
RE: Material Girl In A...

It's so nice, to become adult and get to know your parents on that level. Have you considered getting her an e-cig? I'm something of an expert, and would be happy to consult.

As far as intimacy goes, I have some initial worry, but only because I am a hedonist and want people to feel good all the time, and sex is a great way to do that. If you ever feel like you can trust someone enough to include them in your private time, I encourage you to pursue it. Otherwise, do you and have a good time.
 
RE: The Boys Are Back in Town!

Was it the right call, to put her boyfriend over the kids? Perhaps not.

Will it improve any aspect of the situation even the tiniest bit to even bring it up again? Eh... Not in my experience. Everyone has failings. If they bother you, do what you can to fill in for her when she can't for herself and call it good.
 
RE: Gonna Drive Me to Drink!

Actually sounds like you're feeling too little - when I was overmedicated, anger became more visible because it was -all- I felt
 
RE: Gonna Drive Me to Drink!

More effective by far to donate it and send them a picture of the receipt. Possibly captioned 'Maybe someone else actually wanted that. Better luck next year.'
 
RE: Would you like carry out?

They WILL fire you for not complying. I've lost several jobs to making a stand on ludicrous scripting like this. Do not make the mistake of thinking anyone's gonna realize how stupid this is - It was a computer that looked at your numbers and ordered a reprimand, and it'll be a computer that generates an order to fire you if it keeps happening.
 
RE: Losing My Religion

This post kind of got away from me. Take from it what you please.

Faith, Church, and Religion are three separate things.

Faith is your ability to trust, essentially. In your parents, in your partner, in your government, or in your God - How much do you trust their judgement and the ability to do the right thing? It's not all or nothing. You can have a lot of faith in one and none in another. But the Faith invoked in each is identical.

Religion (or 'spirituality', as some prefer), is personal philosophy. If someone believes in God, then those beliefs naturally reside here, but nonbelievers can have the same feeling of adulation, worship, and wonder, simply from whatever greases their gears. Math, science, astronomy, or porn.

Church is a group of humans (lol, just men) telling you to give them Faith in exchange for Religion. Some are innocent enough. They offer likeminded believers a base to work out of in service of their religion. Ideally, soup kitchens, charities, guidance and counseling to needy members... But often instead a sweeping, shadowy organization started by a convicted conman that taxes your mortal wealth in return for promises of not just Heaven, but Godhood, while meanwhile they assert the power of wealth whenever possible to force 'Goodliness' upon those that don't want it, often through legislation, intimidation, or worse.

The problem is obvious - You don't need church. It's optional. Hell, it might be forbidden. For all the times I recited the Lord's Prayer in church, it was my parents that showed me what comes directly before it.

'Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.
So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.
But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,
so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.
But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words.
Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.'

I have always read that as a dismissal of most everything a Church represents.
 
RE: Losing My Religion

Well, your church in particular is a 0.8 on the Scientology Scale, so I'm not surprised you're getting disillusioned. As it says everywhere in the book, God is in all of us, so just listen to that, not another human who claims their connection is better then yours.
 
RE: Too Young....

Young things die, often without reason. Even humans. If you did everything right, then it was something else. Any one of a million billion possible things that could afflict a small, half-developed thing in this world.
 
RE: Too Young....

I once let a stray pregnant cat give birth to kittens in my closet...thought they would be safer...tried my best to keep the area warm by not having the AC on. She had six, only two survived....I hated myself for not being able to save most of the litter, but I could only do so much...they would have died whether or not they were inside or out.

I know how you feel. But it's not your fault, you did what you could.
 
RE: Too Young....

I'm sorry. Trust me when I say I know how you feel. I just wanted you to know that you weren't alone.

*hugs*
 
RE: Addicted to Distraction

Would especially be a shame if your addiction was what was causing you to continue getting small animals.

Don't see how you can deny that you're slipping when you've already slipped four times in quick succession. Best lose that attitude of disrespect towards your disease - You should always be paralyzed at the prospect of it rearing. If someone says they're worried, you're first conclusion needs to be 'It's gotten so bad someone else has seen it and I had no clue.', not 'What the hell do they know anyway.'

Generally, a perfect stranger can tell a drunk better then a drunk can tell themselves. It is not a subtle condition.
 
RE: Why so serious?

Vikings is pretty good if you let yourself get past the pilot and really into the whole thing. Some of it is romanticized a bit for public viewing, however, I was actually quite astonished as to how accurate a lot of it was because, yeah, I'm that nerd who actually went and looked a lot of that shit up. Here, I thought most of that was going to be a slew of fiction, but holy wow was I shocked as fuck to learn that all those characters actually existed in history and pretty much did everything they portrayed in the show! @_@ I'm sure not all of the portrayals are 100% accurate and seeing as I'm not an expert on the era, I can't rightly say. However, as I said, the people existed and their actions, well, happened. lol. Pretty much the only discrepancy I found--and this might be in part due to the fact that there are a few discrepancies here and there with some of the historical recordings--was that they have the show taking place in time at a year that is kind of 'off'. Like, it SHOULD probably best be taking place about 100 years earlier given what I've read....yes, I'm that nerdy. >//////////< But shit, I couldn't help myself. THEM BOATS, MAN! THEM BOATS! lol! XD (I was highly intrigued by their boats, how they made them, why they chose their design...god, I'm a fucking dork!). >///< Anyway... <.< *coughs* Yeah. Show should probably take place 100 years earlier, which would probably affect clothing, architecture and language and such. But, I can overlook such things for the sake of 'whatever'. Honestly, it's a pretty good show. And the battle scenes are really interesting as are some of the ritual scenes for the gods. >.>
 
RE: Smooth Planes

Sharing.....

Rising Sign is in 02 Degrees Sagittarius
You are known for being open, frank, outgoing and honest. At times, though, you are also blunt and quite indiscreet. Others have to learn not to take everything you say personally, because you usually do not mean any harm. You appreciate living your life in a straightforward and simple manner -- you dislike social niceties and consider them to be hindrances to real communication. You have lots and lots of energy and tend to become quite restless if you feel confined. You demand the freedom to do as you choose -- you must be self- directed or you feel trapped and anxious. With your abundant energy, you enjoy being outdoors, and you should be attracted to physical exercise or to those forms of sport which can help you burn off some of that excess energy. Very gregarious, you love to socialize -- your innate enthusiasm livens up any gathering.

Sun is in 14 Degrees Aries.
By nature, you are very energetic and high-spirited. You are fiercely independent -- you must be first in everything you do, and you enjoy taking risks. You are the one who will rush in where angels fear to tread. Quite brilliant at initiating new projects, you are terrible at following them through to completion. You are an enthusiastic leader but you tend to be a reluctant follower. Often you are quick to anger, but you usually recover just as fast, regretting later things you said when you were upset. One of your best traits is that you are simple and direct, blunt and honest -- just be careful you do not hurt others' feelings. Your need to be competitive at all costs may provoke resistance from others, but, as long as you maintain your usual Sunny good humor, this should not prove to be a major problem for you.

Moon is in 02 Degrees Gemini.
Restless in the extreme, you are easily bored because of your short attention span. Your emotions change rapidly and you love to talk about your feelings. Generally, you have good judgment -- your intellect controls your emotions and you do not overreact emotionally to things. A good jack-of-all-trades, you have many- sided interests and enjoy reasoning things through. With your mental agility and need for physical mobility, you are attracted to traveling and learning about other peoples and cultures. You have vivid powers of emotional self-expression - - you can be a nonstop talker. You love to share your ideas with anyone who will listen.

Mercury is in 17 Degrees Aries.
Very quick-witted, you are known for being an independent thinker. You love to debate and argue, and are excellent at repartee and battles of wits. At times, however, you act too fast on hastily formed opinions and thus waste a lot of energy defending your rash and sometimes incorrect conclusions. It is perfectly acceptable for you to defend your beliefs with your usual vigor, but try not to take the opinions of others as personal insults.

Venus is in 24 Degrees Pisces.
You have a dreamy, fanciful, romantic nature and a very creative imagination. Indeed, at times, your private fantasies are more appealing than the reality around you and it is difficult for you to leave them. You tend to be unselfish and giving in relationships and are extremely sensitive of the needs of others. Be very sure that those you help are worthy of your devotion and are not merely taking advantage of your innocence and naivete.

Mars is in 07 Degrees Cancer.
Your moods are very important to your overall well-being. You are confident and self-assertive when you are feeling upbeat, and you are retiring, irritable and grumpy when you get depressed about anything. Very sensitive, you wear your heart on your sleeve. You are easily angered whenever you think someone has slighted you. It is best for you to show your anger immediately and let it all out, rather than to try to hold it in or to hold grudges for a long time. You're extremely loyal and defensive of your family, neighborhood, community and culture.

Jupiter is in 02 Degrees Taurus.
Growth only occurs for you after you have found a stable lifestyle and a dependable, protective and secure environment. You are at your best when those around you provide you with a great deal of affection and support. When you feel insecure or threatened, you tend to become possessive and grasping and self- indulgent. You are an inveterate collector with an expensive preference for all the good things that life has to offer.

Saturn is in 26 Degrees Cancer.
The most important issue for you is emotional security. You have a deep and gnawing fear that those on whom you depend for emotional support will prove to be unreliable in the long run. When you are unloved and insecure, you distrust others and tend to feel isolated and lonely. Very cool, detached and objective, you can be counted on -- in situations that are inherently stressful or full of tension -- not to lose your self- control. That is a great and welcome gift at such times.

Uranus is in 05 Degrees Scorpio.
You, and your peer group, demand to confront life at its deepest and most meaningful levels. Very compulsive and obsessive in your approach to everything, you will avoid anything that is casual or superficial, especially when it comes to relationships. You will seek out and explore new methods of healing as well as different ways to deal with deep-seated emotional problems.

Neptune is in 13 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and your entire generation, are heavily involved in investigating and idealizing foreign and exotic intellectual systems and religious philosophies. The most extreme ideals will be pursued with gusto. You will be at the forefront of humanitarian attempts to improve the lot of those who are in need of assistance. You will be comfortable with the concept of the "global village."

Pluto is in 10 Degrees Libra.
For your entire generation, this is a time of radical changes in society's attitude toward marriage and interpersonal relationships. There is a general fear and awe at the power inherent in making emotional or contractual commitments -- they will not be entered into lightly.

N. Node is in 12 Degrees Scorpio.
You have a special aptitude for working by yourself, or with a like-minded group of dedicated individuals. Once you've committed yourself to a person or group or project, your loyalty and devotion are total until the group's goals have been realized. Not at all gregarious by nature, you're uncomfortable around strangers, greatly preferring to be in known and familiar situations. Others may regard you as shy or eccentric, but those who know you well are aware of the intense loyalty that you have to your friends.
 
RE: Smooth Planes

Weirdly, most of it sounded fairly accurate. Sure, there were some discrepancies. But such is, right? I think the biggest thing is that I know I'm not outgoing. In fact, I'm the opposite of that and thus quite introverted. I'm also rather shy. However, once I get to know people and get what, for me, feels like a sense of comfort and familiarity, I will be fine. Will I want to come out all the time and hang with the crowds? No. More often than not, I'll still want to stay squirreled away, but again, I'm more likely to deviate and change things up here and there with the familiar than to do so with those I am not. I will also say that in reading the horoscope this one particular site gave me, some of the things that I'd say were definite 'NOs' or borderlines were made up for in some way. Meaning, one paragraph might state one thing that's quite specific while another might contradict it while also being quite specific. So, if you either meet both in the middle or take the secondary over the primary (or vice versa, depending), I can more or less accept some of the things stated.

In my horoscope listed above, they definitely got the blunt and honest bit correct along with my preferring the direct approach. I think it's true that if you try to be too subtle and beat around the bush, communication is lost and you might as well not bother. At least with most things anyway since obviously such things have their times and places. But as a general rule? Keep it simple. lol. I also have a short attention span, can sometimes have issues finishing things I start and when I dive into projects....yeah, it's with an almost obsessive enthusiasm. lol. I know I have a temper and often times lack a filter. I've been told that if you ever want an honest answer to come to me because I won't mince words. Thing is, what you hear from me might not always be what you want to hear. So, it's something to always keep in mind. Andddd...I'm not always tactful about it either. It will depend on the impression I have of you. Simple enough. I'm moody, anxious, hyper-sensitive (but not necessarily for the reasons people think, however, it can make it seem that way), I prefer the familiar and I like being alone. I think most of that horoscope touched on things correctly or mostly correctly. Have to say, I'm rather impressed. XD
 
RE: Smooth Planes

Aww...thanks. XD And great minds, man! hehe! But yeah, I did find it interesting reading through something this detailed because whenever I just read through the standard typical Aries stuff I usually don't fit it. Not entirely. Hell, not mostly. LOL! So, who knows. Maybe there's a little something to all of it. Reading through all the other stuff and seeing how much better it fit...as I said, I was impressed. Now I wonder if anyone else will give this a try. XD
 
RE: Smooth Planes

This is an interesting topic actually. Being in an interracial marriage, it's been both interesting and enlightening. What's interesting is that my MIL calls anyone who is white...American. And anyone else by either their color or something else. For instance, she tends to call those from India...Hindus. But what if they are Buddhists? You get the idea. What's more, all but her oldest son are actually American since--hurr fucking durr--they were born here. As such, I have to correct my kids ALL the time that their father is just as American as me and them. They get confused and then don't know how to identify. I just tell them that they're as mixed as me (because I'm a mutt, like 8 or so different ethnicities, they just happen to be freakin' European), it's just that they have some Asian thrown into their mix.

It's also been interesting being in such a relationship because people act in a way that makes me head tilt. While the majority have been ok with it, I've experienced both racism/prejudice as well as plain ignorance. The racism I encountered was in Texas. I was pregnant and we were passing through when we were moving. My husband was getting gas, my MIL (because she went with us...don't ask why) and I went to get food. I was treated like royalty and they called me little lady and tried to wait on me. Then my MIL walked out of the bathroom and over to me. Suddenly, it got really cold and I could feel the tension. The people who'd been so nice to me then said something like how I needed to watch my back if I was getting my food to go because they didn't take kindly to people eating food in their cars while driving. I felt a chill run down my spine because it felt like a fucking threat. Then my husband came in and got the food to help carry it out. He and my MIL walked out and I followed and just before I did I heard them say I really better watch myself for cops. It was...weird. =/ I've also dealt with ignorance where people just have no concept of interracial relationships at all. They'll see me with my kids and either assume I'm their nanny, I adopted or that something is just plain off. When I tell them they are mine, they look confused and state how they look Asian, but don't get why. When I headdesk and then say that their father is Asian...it's sad how sometimes it can take a bit for even that to sink in.

Anyway, I ramble and stray a bit. Sorry about that. But this is a great topic.
 
RE: Smooth Planes

Awww... Honestly, when I see someone with a kid, I try not to make any assumptions because in this day and age you have all kinds of situations--nannies, adoptions, guardians, step parents, whatever not to mention regular parents. And kids can look neat whether from an interracial relationship or not. So if a kid looks neat, I just say "beautiful child!" More often than not the person will divulge if they are theirs or not. And if they don't make it clear, I live by the way of it's not my business and who cares. The kid is cute, who gives a damn! XD

Anyway, I think we live a world that is a bit too worried about PCness and in the same breath also isn't as open minded as it thinks it is. Until we all get over ourselves, there will be tensions and limitations. I mean really no one will be happy with any label even if it helps identify under certain circumstances. But at the same time, I think we also rely too heavily upon it. Not saying tonabandon culture, but to ease up when some says something and it's clear they're just not in the know and might want to learn or whatever. I don't know. But again, I ramble. I'm good at that. XD
 
RE: Crying

Oh, Dean Koontz. I'm looking forward to chapter where the entire story is brought to a screeching halt to bang the 'DRUGS ARE CARTOONISHLY EVIL' drum~

It's great that you're making a serious go at this. Let us know when an ebook version is out and I'll pick it up. I'll even pay!
 
RE: Crying

I think it was one of the Odd Thomas books, the main character and his token female are suddenly in a warehouse rave in a sleepy coastal town, and spend an entire chapter wandering around commenting on how sad all these drug-addled kids are. End of the chapter, out of the rave, back on the plot. Like, what the hell? It's always there, too - One book, an absent character is absent due to THE DEMON DRUGS, and so forth. He never talk about what they use, just nonspecific 'EVIL DRUGS'.

'course, I only read his books in rehab, so I was perhaps a bit sensitive to it. He's pretty turrible, though. I suppose it's a good thing, at the end of the day. If every author was Gaiman tier, you'd be feeling a lot less confident about breaking into the scene, eh? So, thanks be to Koontz, to Brooks, to Goodkind and all the rest. If you can get published, so can we~
 
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