The importance of gender in roleplay

[Dogged]

Is a specific gender important for you in regards to roleplay? Why or why not? I've found a horrible stereotype when I've played women charries and I go to extensive lengths to avoid it. I know how my -female- charrie should look exactly the same in principal (petite and always pretty) and behave exactly the same in principal (rebellious but only until a big strong man ravishes her) and I hate it.

I love playing male charries because it gives me the freedom to be all that I'm not. When I'm RPing males, the majority of women charries expect me to be strong, controlling and above all, an asshole or control freak to -do things to them.- It's scarily consistent that men (or women playing men) must be the stereotype of take action, be aggressive and take charge of the situation, even in just planning PM's!

On the other foot, men who play women are labelled harshly and immediately, and at the very least, avoided unfairly!

When we go the next route and one must feel and learn ones own gender, then the problems are even more harsh. The person can be attacked or accepted by any gender on all sides!

The gender that I play is important to me in roleplay because I've seen the accepted, unwritten 'rules' of how a certain gender is expected to behave. That in turn, gives me security. Ladies, the line forms to the right, j/k

I have no preference for the gender of my rp PARTNERS behind the screen. The poll is kind of hard to get all that in but I thought discussion of these issues might get some brains (and keyboards) clicking.

Maybe this topic will cause some harsh comments, but it seemed like a good idea in light of a couple other recent threads that keep veering toward gender identity issues.

Is it more important what the rp gender is? Would you rather only males to play male roles? Why is it important? Why isn't it important to you? Is it necessary to display a distinction between the charrie and the RPer? I'd love to hear other players' input on this!

 

[Your Eternal Reward]

As a dominant male who plays dominant males, I find myself both agreeing and disagreeing with you. The stereotypes exist online because of stereotypes in the real world, and most folks, especially those new to RPing, go with what they know will find an audience. It's what works.

Of course, the buff, stacked asshole X rebellious shellfish only goes so far before anyone with any love for story can't take it anymore. This isn't even a matter of probability: it is bound to happen. Sometimes, you don't even need to endure it, you need only witness. Especially if you're not a romantic to begin with, like me.

And that's when people start to get juicy. We experiment, not just with plot ideas, but with character ideas, from personality traits and fetishes to sexuality and identity as a whole. We find our niche(s), but almost always only after the trial by fire that is the stereotypical coupling.

Back on Gaia, I used to rummage through the DSM looking at different mental disorders to inspire my characters (almost exclusively group RPs, all the hopeless romantics in the 1x1 sections spooked me), and was so popular I developed something of a small fan following. I even experimented with things like religious fanatacism and twisted, pseudo-romantic, murderous obsession. All of this before I even got into the sexualization, after which I discovered that I am one horrible, kinky bastard.

Which brings me to my final point: Do what you want to do, be what you want to be. Male or female, you should in no way feel restricted by the preconceptions of others. You aren't your character, but you are still capable of empathizing with him/her on a level nobody else can, so it's entirely in your power to enjoy yourself, or even learn about yourself, through vicarious experience.

 

[LadyLarunai]

It's good to see that people are using proper distinctions, I got quite tired when gender became an umbrella term that absorbed sex definitions.

In my personal opinion I hate gender, I see it no more than an invisible dragon people seem to fear or worship, on this same note I have the same feeling for the gender warrior and "strong female character" crowds, I understand stereotype for safety or base character builds, ie mechanic girl and such but I despise the "male with breasts" subset that has been dubbed as of late.

The "male with breasts" trope is pretty simple take a male gendered character and switch sex, simple enough but it goes on the concept that gender traits are restricted to the one sex which I find ignorant at best as I honestly believe there is nothing bar pregnancy (and even then sci-fi) that is sex restrictive, so I find the whole "well written female" sexist in its own right.

That being said I have no issues with people sticking to stereotypes if it works for them, does it matter to me? Not really as I don't really do the romance hook up stuff where it comes into play in a closer to home sense and it does not bother me otherwise in group rp as diversity is good.

I still have sexual characteristic preferences depending on character or class behind the gender scope and most people do there is no real wrong in that when creating characters as long as it does not harm anyone.

As for the gender I play? Who knows I just pick what traits seem to suit the build, in a medieval sence it would not seem fitting to have a female knight act like a sex in the city girl, not that some traits from that show can't be used, she may have a thing for sparly items, I just make it up as I go.

As for the sex and gender of other in regards to the character, as long as they can play the roll well I am happy , the problem is when people play the opposite they often stick to the normal appealing traits.

 

[littlerooster]

I play Dominant and Submissive Males and Females*, when playing any one of them I like to try and create a personality that matches the story and role.

One thing I really hate is if a female character is a mother and in her 40's and yet the picture posted is obviously a woman in her late 20's etc. I like some realism despite the story being far fetched. Also as Lady L above says to do a historical setting and have people walking about as if it is 2014, what's the point in the setting if they are just going to be modern characters?!

So the point I am trying to make is, I am story driven, I look at the story, think about the role I am playing and then build a personality around that, sometimes I try and find a picture of someone who matches the type of person I want to portray and that helps other times I just describe them in my mind and try and think about how they would do things.

I like real types of characters with flaws and contradictions more than anything else. I also try and stay true to their gender, men and women think differently, have different priorities and insecurities and turn ons and motivations. So if I am playing a Female dominant she will be very different to how I play a male dominant and it will differ again depending on their relationship to their submissive.

Same with playing a submissive, different reactions and thoughts depending on gender, age, life experience etc.

So to answer the question more specifically, no, gender doesn't matter to me, I tend to develop my characters with the same process. Another thing I do is look at a defining personality trait and then think about how they came to be that way etc. And whether they are male or female might factor in but still the same process of character building.

(* For the sake of this discussion Dominant and Submissive aren't just BDSM terms but can also refer to which character has more power etc in a RP)

 

[Mr Quixotic]

I can play dominant, submissive or anywhere in-between. The gender of the person behind the keyboard can be important to me, depending on the role or theme.

Warning: Generalisations below

When I roleplay, it's not only for the story. I also like to try and 'hit a nerve' and tap into particular emotions or experiences - and there are some fears, anxieties, desires, etc which are particular to one 'gender' or the other . In those cases I'd prefer to play with whichever gender was best to able to identify with it, rather than with someone who was 'pretending' to know how it would feel.

What I don't understand is why people feel the need to play as the opposite gender in order for them to be able to utilise the characteristics of that gender. For me, playing as a submissive female character against a dominant male character wouldn't be that much different from playing as a dominant male against a submissive female.

What is much more interesting in my mind, is switching the gender stereotypes themselves around in the role, rather than people feeling they need to switch their gender around to meet the stereotypes.

I love playing male charries because it gives me the freedom to be all that I'm not. When I'm RPing males, the majority of women charries expect me to be strong, controlling and above all, an asshole or control freak to -do things to them.- It's scarily consistent that men (or women playing men) must be the stereotype of take action, be aggressive and take charge of the situation, even in just planning PM's!

In an essence, that's what I'm really talking about, Dogged. It does seem to be the expectation and, in an ideal world, I'd prefer not to have to change my 'gender' in order to experience a different perspective once in a while.

 

[Ms_Muffintops]

I don't really have anything against those who have a preference. I sometimes do but at the end of the day I really don't care. My only issue is that I only like to roleplay as females, and often when I roleplay with other females who's playing a male role, they almost always ask me if I'd play a male role for them in another RP, which I really don't like doing. I'm not comfortable enough to effectively play as a guy. And I always feel bad for that.

 

[Razgriz]

Meh....

People play as they do; it shouldn't really matter what the IRL gender is. The whole purpose of a roleplay is to assume the identity of something you are not, isn't it? It's a means of escape, a way to relieve the stress and have fun with the imagination.

And Muffin, I would say you shouldn't feel bad about not being able to play a guy; it's like I said, everyone has their own capabilities. You're free to expand them however you see fit; afterall, the character is not you and you are not the character.

But, that's just my opinion.

 

[Dogged]

Well neither would I andy but sadly, I've learned over 4 decades that it's an unavoidable conflict, at least for me and the other females I've joined in groups.

I have tried for decades to change up what's expected of me when assuming a female role. The consistent problem I encounter is most males' treatment of myself and my character are united and confused so far as to lose individuality. By RPing a male, they are less likely to pass off OOC and IC comments as one and the same snide dismissal of 'ooh she's got pms,' or dumb shit like that. I found an interesting picture that explains the female's verbal dance to avoid the label of drama queen, pms and bitch. So if women (IC or OOC) ask a question, feel offended or 'dare to argue' with a man in the group, we are only drama queens. I'm exhausted with the label just because I'm female. If a man opines something, it's an opinion. If a woman voices the exact same thing, a moment before him, it must be pms. That is why the gender role that I play is significant to me. Then there's no blurring of IC and OOC because of the differing genders.

I love playing male charries because it gives me the freedom to be all that I'm not. When I'm RPing males, the majority of women charries expect me to be strong, controlling and above all, an asshole or control freak to -do things to them.- It's scarily consistent that men (or women playing men) must be the stereotype of take action, be aggressive and take charge of the situation, even in just planning PM's!

In an essence, that's what I'm really talking about, Dogged. It does seem to be the expectation and, in an ideal world, I'd prefer not to have to change my 'gender' in order to experience a different perspective once in a while.

 

[darkangel76]

For me, I write what I know and identify with. Thus, I write submissive females. I have no issue throwing in a supplemental male character here and there, but they're typically not anything main as far as the story goes, usually just a character in passing. That isn't to say, I haven't tried my hand at writing other sorts because I have in group RPs and I've found them to be rather difficult, however, when I do make the attempt, I always go for what I'm attracted to--the male Dom. Call it writing what you 'like' vs writing what you 'know'. Given that, I do prefer to write what I know, but that's exactly that. Preference.

As far as who I write with? I don't really care either way. For me, if the story is great and the character is great and the character conjured up by my writing partner can engage with the sort of characters I like to conjure up, then I'm quite happy. I could care less about anything else because by that point I'll be all giddy over the story and thus what's needed to be accomplished just is. It doesn't really matter who accomplished it because I've been sucked into blissful happiness where I can identify with and emotionally engage with characters and be intrigued by a setting and story.

That's about it really.

 

[Mr Quixotic]

Well neither would I andy but sadly, I've learned over 4 decades that it's an unavoidable conflict, at least for me and the other females I've joined in groups.

I get that experiencing something constantly can lead to frustration and a feeling of needing to change your approach. I'm not sure if you're referring to this site as well. There does appears to be a variety of people/attitudes on here, so may not be as bad as you've experienced elsewhere.

So if women (IC or OOC) ask a question, feel offended or 'dare to argue' with a man in the group, we are only drama queens. I'm exhausted with the label just because I'm female. If a man opines something, it's an opinion. If a woman voices the exact same thing, a moment before him, it must be pms. That is why the gender role that I play is significant to me. Then there's no blurring of IC and OOC because of the differing genders. .

I find it difficult to comment on this, or how the males respond to you, because I can't really understand it. Personally, I've never been attracted to, or had any interest in the 'submissive female' ideal, in a general rather than sexual sense - the two are distinctly different to me. The problem is when a male says that, a lot of people mistakenly assume that means he himself is not, or can not be 'dominant' (but that's a discussion probably best left for another time).

I'd much prefer someone to (most importantly) actually have an opinion, voice that opinion and disagree with mine if that's how they feel. They just need to be prepared for me to not necessarily agree with them. I'm a hell of a lot more likely to become annoyed with, or to deliberately provoke someone, when they don't have an opinion or won't express what theirs is.

As far as the character types I use in roleplay, these bear no relationship to my 'real-life' personality. This is fantasy. I like variety and the challenge of writing different characters and sometimes experiencing 'the other side'. To me, constantly playing as, or against, the same character type becomes tedious.

 

[littlerooster]

Dogged Wrote- I love playing male charries because it gives me the freedom to be all that I'm not. When I'm RPing males, the majority of women charries expect me to be strong, controlling and above all, an asshole or control freak to -do things to them.- It's scarily consistent that men (or women playing men) must be the stereotype of take action, be aggressive and take charge of the situation, even in just planning PM's!

I find that as well, as mentioned I like well rounded characters, just because a male character may well be a bastard to 99% of the people he comes into contact with it doesn't mean he can't adore his girlfriend even if he isn't always nice to her either.

It is common to see those types of stereotypes, Male = Hard, Tough, Take Action & Female = Weak and Submissive and allows bad things to happen to her.

People in real life can be a mix of

 

[Lily2988]

Is a specific gender important for you in regards to roleplay? Why or why not? I've found a horrible stereotype when I've played women charries and I go to extensive lengths to avoid it. I know how my -female- charrie should look exactly the same in principal (petite and always pretty) and behave exactly the same in principal (rebellious but only until a big strong man ravishes her) and I hate it.

I love playing male charries because it gives me the freedom to be all that I'm not. When I'm RPing males, the majority of women charries expect me to be strong, controlling and above all, an asshole or control freak to -do things to them.- It's scarily consistent that men (or women playing men) must be the stereotype of take action, be aggressive and take charge of the situation, even in just planning PM's!

I agree that it sucks to be pigeonholed into a role you don't want. Is there reason why this often happens, that the majority of men and women that rp are craving dom male/sub fem? For me, as a sub female, it's not about stereotype, it's about craving. I have to be strong all day, when I come here I'm looking for my partners to take the lead and fulfill my desire to follow. I'd guess a lot of the people who you are encountering who behave along those lines have the same kinds of cravings. Maybe it's even the frustration of that side of ourselves that makes us want it in rp.

On the other foot, men who play women are labelled harshly and immediately, and at the very least, avoided unfairly!

I've heard people say this happens, but haven't encountered it myself. People should get to play out whatever fantasy they want, and it's good to stretch your imagination and try out something new. It might even help you to understand the other side a little better. Being judgy about people playing against their gender is just ignorant.

Having said that, I like to play against a man playing a male character, most of the time. That may be mainly because I tend to develop some degree of personal relationship with my partners, and how I feel about them has an effect on how I feel about the RP.

Is it just something that needs to be spelled out when forming an RP relationship (ie I'm playing a male. I don't want to dominate your character or lead the rp, I share those roles equally...) or whatever you would like to see happen.

 

[Dogged]

I had a friend in hs who always rp'd females and he kept his gender a secret because he got picked on for it once before. The people on another site were downright rude, for it. He was creative and a damn good roleplayer. If he hadn't told me in messenger that he was truly male, I'd have had no clue!

*double nods to the cravings* There are times when we have a day when people lean on us too heavily and then here on the lovely BMR, we can have someone else take the reins.

I think it comes down to how far and much someone wants to communicate and/or commit to the role. I know I'm heavily emotionally into my charrie Talon and he rules me totally when I write as him.

 

[Lily2988]

I had a friend in hs who always rp'd females and he kept his gender a secret because he got picked on for it once before. The people on another site were downright rude, for it. He was creative and a damn good roleplayer. If he hadn't told me in messenger that he was truly male, I'd have had no clue!

I'm sorry that happened to your friend. I'm hoping that kind of behaviour is the exception.

I think it comes down to how far and much someone wants to communicate and/or commit to the role. I know I'm heavily emotionally into my charrie Talon and he rules me totally when I write as him.

Do you mean you feel like your character is in control of the action and you are just along for the ride sometimes? I feel that way. Sometimes I apologize to my partners, as in "Sorry, I had no idea she was going to do that." lol

 

[Dogged]

Yes exactly that! More than once I've sent a pm after posting, going 'I had no idea he was going to do/say that!' and just be totally surprised at what I wrote. It reminds of the Dark Half by Stephen King.

 

[kinkyponygirl]

In my mind it should not matter if the person behind computer is male or female and it should not matter the role they play. I don't deny that I am a male, but I write for fun and it just so happens that most of my characters are female. So therefore when I roleplay I tend to come up with ideas with my female characters in mind. That doesn't mean I don't roleplay as a male persona it just that it is a rare occurrence. People judge to quickly

 

[Ivory11]

personally I much prefer roleplaying with a female partner since in RL I'm a straight male I like the idea of an actual woman on the other end sharing in my dirty little desires.

however, as most women only play submissive characters, I've found them to also be really really boring to roleplay with, the women I've roleplayed with have all told me they'll help move the plot along, they'll actually do stuff in sex, they'll be dom 50% of the time etc... and what i get every single time is a female character who doesn't do anything, a partner who PMs me often saying "should we change positions in sex?" as if they don't even have the brainpower to use a bit of their imagination.

of course i'm not saying all female role-players are like this, but whenever I find one who's up for NOT just being a helpless little flower to just lie there and be fucked, they end up doing exactly that.
Although I'd prefer not to, it's often other male roleplayers who take on a female persona who actually give me interesting and engaging roleplays.

so all in all, I do prefer a female partner, but the majority of female roleplayers I've played with are just dull and boring as shit and the female requests thread most of the time has no original plots. "oh i want you to play as a monster and rape me" "dominate me" "make me your slave" "corrupt this innocent good girl" the same shit over and over again... while on the other hand, Male roleplayers I've found when they take on female personas never ask me what to do next, and can actually take some initiative.

---

personally I much prefer roleplaying with a female partner since in RL I'm a straight male I like the idea of an actual woman on the other end sharing in my dirty little desires.

however, as most women only play submissive characters, I've found them to also be really really boring to roleplay with, the women I've roleplayed with have all told me they'll help move the plot along, they'll actually do stuff in sex, they'll be dom 50% of the time etc... and what i get every single time is a female character who doesn't do anything, a partner who PMs me often saying "should we change positions in sex?" as if they don't even have the brainpower to use a bit of their imagination.

of course i'm not saying all female role-players are like this, but whenever I find one who's up for NOT just being a helpless little flower to just lie there and be fucked, they end up doing exactly that.
Although I'd prefer not to, it's often other male roleplayers who take on a female persona who actually give me interesting and engaging roleplays.

so all in all, I do prefer a female partner, but the majority of female roleplayers I've played with are just dull and boring as shit and the female requests thread most of the time has no original plots. "oh i want you to play as a monster and rape me" "dominate me" "make me your slave" "corrupt this innocent good girl" the same shit over and over again... while on the other hand, Male roleplayers I've found when they take on female personas never ask me what to do next, and can actually take some initiative.