~Homonus~Nocturna~
Planetoid
- Joined
- May 25, 2013
The pain was nearing unbearable as she won the inner battle to step away from the door and continue down the hall. She quickened her pace, racing away from the light escaping through the cracks. She hadn't meant to spy; she had seen her Master from the corner of her eye and became excited, her desire to be in his presence for even the shortest of seconds strongly reluctant to be ignored. Now she regretted weakening to such an impulse.
He had saved her by turning her into one of those…creatures. A purer vampire than most by comparison to the freaks that she had encountered…and ultimately destroyed. It had taken her some time to adapt to this new lifestyle, still struggled with the adjustment at times, but she felt she had survived the transition partly because of his cold reasoning. The words whispered in her brain when she was reluctant to act, twisting phrases like the most intimate of caresses, spurred her on; comforted her on some level. In return she had done all she could to show her loyalty and unwavering faith in her Master, and continued to do so.
Yet, despite the fact that she was the walking undead, she was still feeling some human emotions. He had assured her that such lingering effects would fade with time and experience. Well, so far they hadn't. She adored him on a much higher level than any servant to her master. That was how she felt, at any rate. Her devotion, one-sided as it may be, was stronger than any bond she had ever known, living or otherwise. She suspected that she loved him as a woman does a man; not as a servant will love her master. Such a thing was dangerous though. It must be.
She collapsed in a chair when she reached her chamber and massaged her temples, thinking back to the scene in the hallway. Her Master had only been standing beside his master. That was all she had seen. Nothing more. But she understood how important one could feel in the presence of such a person. Theirs was a sacred relationship that she did not fully comprehend. His master was ultimately hers as well, but she was jealous of their connection nonetheless. Petty yes, but seemingly unavoidable, at least in her current state of mind.
"Pathetic," she muttered. "I'm probably such a disappointment. Why did I ever agree to such a thing?" That was a question that had plagued her since the beginning, and seemed likely of continuing to do so. Had she made a mistake in allowing herself to be turned? She had hoped not, but doubts were present. Once, when she had first joined the Hellsing Organization, Sir Integra had referred to her as her Master's "toy," and had told her that there was no place for a vampire half-starved and unable to protect her commander. Never before had she felt such humiliation. Since then she had strived to please them both. There was no indication as to whether or not her efforts were bearing fruit though.
Oh well. At least she knew Lt. Fargason was proud of her. Even Walter seemed to have developed a soft spot for her, and showed it in his own peculiar way. There was some comfort to be found there.
She shook her head and stretched. No use lingering on such thoughts. There were more pressing matters at hand. "I can't help but wonder though." And who was there to talk to about such a matter? Perhaps Helena, but she hadn't the strength to make a visit now. Besides, there was no guarantee that the elegant vampire would admit her. She once again attempted to clear her head. Maybe a quick game of solitaire would keep annoying thoughts at bay. She hummed a little song as she shuffled and dealt the cards, a hopeful catalyst to the process.
Halfway through the game three sharp raps sounded against the door. "Who is it?" she called out, but had her suspicions as to the visitor. She stood, crossed the room, and paused with her hand on the doorknob. There was only silence on the other side. She twisted the handle and heard the latch recede nearly imperceptibly. Her eyes widened in surprise. It was not whom she had originally guessed standing before her. It was her Master.
"Master! Wh – what are you doing here?" she asked.