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DO THE GUYS REALLY CARE ABOUT OUR FLAWS?

Do the men of BM agree?

  • Total voters
    21
Camille

Camille

Star
Joined
Jul 3, 2012
This one if for the guys: Would you agree with this sentiment?

Women think men care too much about:

Stretchmarks
If one titty is slightly bigger than the other
Birthmarks
Fat areas
Bumps or discoloration
Cellulite
Sweat
Morning breath
Human flaws

The gentleman who posted this in his blog went on to say:

"If I have you naked in front of me, and I am naked too, the only thing on my mind is Where am I putting my mouth first."
 
RE: Do guys really care about our flaws?

I would say that it depends on the guy and what he finds attractive so guys do care but too much is a hard question. I personally like birthmarks and flaws on a person.
 
RE: Do guys really care about our flaws?

As my husband always makes it a point to remind me..... the stretchmarks are a result of me bearing HIS children. My flaws make me endearing to HIM. Morning breath is something that only HE gets to wake up to. And all my other 'nonsense' that makes me apprehensive are what make me unique and thus what makes HIM love me even more. HE chose me just as I chose HIM. So.... 'nough said. And I'm damn lucky to have HIM. :)
 
While some males do, most men don't. That fiction is what is in a lot of women's magazines, in articles written by other women to make the target audience of the articles feel insecure about themselves.
 
Single guys expect, yea, demand perfection. Married guys know better. There is a point where this disparity must be addressed, and when this is not satisfactorily done, it is referred to as a "mid-life crisis". But note: a perfectly-restored, supercharged 1936 Cord Five-window Coupe is no substitute for a healthy sex life; nothing is.
 
The thing I find freakin' hilarious is that no one is addressing the flip side of the coin....... what about the apprehensive male? Or the dummy woman who is just as hyper-critical as the opening statement claims some asshole men can be (and I use that term for VERY specific men since not all men are created equal... some are stellar while other are just plain shit, same goes for women). Anyway, there are women out there who do and act in the same manner and demand the same nonsense causing men to feel just the same way that a lot of women tend to feel. It's just that women tend to be a bit more vocal and it's more acceptable for women to be more vocal. Plus, not for nothing, men do have similar flaws as women. We're human. So it's just natural that we do--child-rearing battle scars aside. However, men can still have just as many stretchmarks from other things.

Also, my husband loved me for me and the woman I am when he was single. It didn't take him marrying me to suddenly change his mind nor did it take him an abundance of years to suddenly have that light bulb light up over his head either making him realize what he has. He's never demanded nor expected perfection, not in anything. He takes me as I am just as I take him for who he is. If I didn't, he wouldn't be a smoker as one example. But anyway.... I think it just depends on the person. And anyone who falls into the trap of not being able to see past all the visual flaws (within reason, of course), then they just aren't worth anyone's time and deserve to be cast aside and set on the curb with the rest of the garbage as the truck pulls up to take it away to the dump.
 
Great thread!

I think most people have insecurities about themselves so it's really a matter of both self-esteem and perspective rather than caring about any particular flaw. For example if a woman was embarrassed about having large feet and didn't want them uncovered in public, that very 'flaw' might be a major turn on for someone elses ideal of beauty!

Maybe it's romanticizing things a little but I think there really is someone for everyone out there in the big ol' world. Not just a life partner, but friends, people you flirt with or online acquaintances right here on Blue Moon.

The most important thing is what you think of your -quirks- rather than obsessing on the label of flaws. I have a quarter sized mole on my left hip which for some would be a flaw, others a fetish, and most others wouldn't give a second thought. If you love all of yourself, instead of living for your lover's approval, then you will be a happy person-quirks and all.
 
I do like the idea of this thread. I agree with what DA mentioned, and I do worry about my flaws sometimes. I've grown up being told that it's what's inside that counts and that all women want is someone that'll care for them. I still do believe that, but it feels like those ideas are complete bullshit where I live. There are good people here, but there's a lot of people that'll go out just based on appearances. I've been rejected and heartbroken countless times because I wasn't an athlete. I'm told that I'm sweet and that I'll make a good boyfriend, but when I decide to make a move, all I'm told is "Oh, but I don't want to ruin our friendship." or "I'm sorry, but I just want to have some time alone." And they grab a much better looking boyfriend the second I turn my back. It'll gotten so bad that I've become bitter towards the idea of finding someone special, and dating in general.

I've gone on a few dates in the past, but it's never really been anything serious, mostly going out as friends calling it a date and occasionally a kiss at the end. I kind of just gave up for now, not really wanting to deal with the heartbreak again, at least while I'm working on improving my life. And there are still girls I'm interested in, but I've kind of gotten a fear of rejection now, that and I seem to keep falling for girls that are already dating someone. And I do work out and eat healthier, but I think it's dumb that I should have to change myself to please people.

Personally, I believe it's personality. Sure, I'll be attracted to a hot girl, but it means a lot more to be attracted to someone that you can get along with, even if their looks change. My best friend, also someone I've had strong feelings for, has been worrying about her appearance for years. I'll admit, I was originally attracted to her because of her looks. Slim body, nice curves, long hair, cute smile. But I got to know her, and she was a lot of fun to be around. She even got me out of a huge depression I was in at the time. And over the years, due to stress, she kind of let herself go with eating, as well as started getting a lot of piercings and tattoos. In spite of that, I still have strong feelings for her, she's still very beautiful to me.
 
As Jenna Marbles has kind of put it... a guy who goes for looks is simply looking to get laid. He can claim he wants a genuine connection but he is not going to get it as long as he is focusing on her physical being.

You should be able to take them at their best and their worst. There was a guy who liked me, or well... he liked he idea of me? He liked my personality and how much I had in common with him, but when it came to my looks, he'd always say stuff like "Oh well you're going to lose all of that weight one day anyway, right?" Like he was anticipating the hotter thinner me.
 
For myself, I don't either like or dislike a woman's flaws, because I don't see them that way. I see them as part of a united whole, a matrix of physical, mental, emotional and sexual traits that makes her who she is. Now either who she is appeals to me, or it doesn't. If she DOES appeal to me, than she appeals to me... all of her, flaws and all. True love is seeing that the person sitting across from you at the breakfast table isn't perfect. They could stand to lose a couple pounds, they fart in their sleep, they do stupid stuff that drives you crazy. They don't have a stellar career, they aren't the most sparkling of wits, and they probably feel the exact same way about you. And yet, despite all that, when you think about them, your soul sings, your body tingles, and you know that there's nobody you'd rather be with.
 
Guys do have insecurities, and they are just as valid or invalid, depending on the insecurity in question. Having said that, I also would like to add that just with what I said about where many female insecurities about their flaws or perceived "flaws" really come from, that goes for us males as well. It is bad enough trying to find someone, spend time, form a relationship and such as it is, and the last thing anyone really needs are people with "axes to grind". I am not referring to anyone at all here on BMR unless you are foolish enough to subscribe to so called "relationship experts", but the truth is some of the most beautiful women here on BMR, like in the rest of the world, are those who take what we say at face value when we say you are beautiful.

The other problem is baggage, and I have to say that that plays a lot in how both men and women perceive themselves and how others see them. No offense at all, but one really needs to start by dumping the unneeded baggage from other relationships. It is hard, yes.. but the longer it takes really depends on you. If you have, that is great... but really... for every five years that perception continues.. the less it is because of how the other gender sees you and more about how you see yourself.
 
Men who care about women's flaws are usually men who have too many flaws themselves and a big ol' dick of an ego to go with it. I have a friend who bemoans on a constant basis about his romance life, and he has had some legitimately crappy experiences and I'll give him that. But other times? He doesn't understand what's wrong, he's saddened that the stage of a gentleman is gone, that his flowers and holding doors for women aren't getting him anywhere but paranoia. Because I swear women can SMELL that kind of intention, but he assured them no...yet comes to me to tell me how he wishes it worked out. This is a problem in many ways.

He wants a goal at the end, and when his tricks don't work he wonders why...you look at a relationship like a goal and suddenly the flaws will be glaring for both sides and not for the better.
 
A lot of people are mentioning married couples, and how single guys are nit-picking perfectionists, but every guy was single once.
And that's really not the case. It's just a psychological phenomenon that causes you to draw their attention to it. Let me explain:

Some things strike out. Most things don't, unless you draw attention to them yourself.
You know how in every movie the player tells the shy guy that women can smell nervousness a mile away? So can men.
Forget about the problem, and so will he. Focus on your strengths, and he will pay attention to them. And he will compliment them.

In fact, this actually works both ways.

I'm a relatively short guy. And the fact that I skipped two years in school means that through school and college I've been surrounded
by older women. Older women who, like almost every woman under 30, prefer older, taller men. So what do I do? I don't mention it once.
And it's really apparent, too. Does it cross her mind? Of course it does, but then it fades because I guide the conversation away from it,
or position my body a certain way, or touch her a certain way, preferably before she even brings it up at all, until she doesn't care either.

And you wouldn't believe the perks of having your girlfriend's cleavage constantly at eye-level.
 
In my experience as a male, the men who care the most about what a woman looks like or what her body is like, are usually slobs, overweight, boring and crass. They read simple magazines which force feed them images of airbrushed women with fake breasts and over puffed lips.

For me, I like natural, I find a variety of attributes, body types and face types attractive.

In the end for me it will come down to how much a woman intrigues me and how we respond to each other in conversation and how she makes me feel. Not saying I am a Saint or anything, some people just aren't that attractive, but generally speaking the women with the fake breasts and fake lips etc are the ones that turn me off, not a woman who is real.

A good example if Nikki Cox, beautiful before plastic surgery, wrecked after it.

Another example - Christina Ricci hot curvy, a little on the "eh" side skinny.

Different looks suit different women.
 
Camille said:
This one if for the guys: Would you agree with this sentiment?

Women think men care too much about:

Stretchmarks
If one titty is slightly bigger than the other
Birthmarks
Fat areas
Bumps or discoloration
Cellulite
Sweat
Morning breath
Human flaws

The gentleman who posted this in his blog went on to say:

"If I have you naked in front of me, and I am naked too, the only thing on my mind is Where am I putting my mouth first."
Click to expand...

Hi,

Wow... first post and I get to have some fun... Okay first things first do men care, yes.. is it important .. maybe.. will we be honest it depends.

So let me explain, when I was younger my eyes saw tits and ass then the rest of the girl.. as I got older I found things like eyes and glassess turned me on .. certain type of hair..

First time I had sex she was a red head, green eyes and I am certain had things she hated .... but to me .. she was beautiful and I did not see a dam thing....

I got older and my tastes broadened age did not matter as much.. old or young... I did however develop certain tastes and things that turned me off.. we all have them and we have to be honest.. for me number one is smokers.. and thus I refuse to write posts that have smoking as it turns me off and makes me sick...

So what does this have to do with those little things that everyone has .... not a dam thing... but if a man sees a woman and it triggers something.... when they find that imperfection it may not be physical.. could be mental.. and you either learn to love it or live with it...

I am married and happy... and to me I think my wife is perfect and I have all the imperfections... and she agrees (winks) but loves me and lives with them... and would not change me save to help make me more healthy and happy...

Bottom Line - Nope imperfections do not matter because they are what make life intresting and enjoyable.

Rog the Rake
 
Too many men - and women, as darkangel76 pointed out - care about looks. And honestly, that's a real shame. I've found in life thus far the most beautiful thing about a person isn't their physical appearance but their soul and personality. And especially with me being one of the ... well very opposites of what a lot of men ask for [big breasts but a skinny figure], it was definitely difficult growing up. I endured a lot of punishment for not being what people wanted me to be; and quite a bit of it was more hereditary than my own actual fault.

But yet in the end, I still wound up finding someone and getting wed to them. And not just to get laid ... because he loved me [and still does] for who I am. To say I'm grateful for having finding Veinexes is an understatement.

But yes as most have said here, looks shouldn't matter.

Does it to a lot of people? Yes, sadly.

Does it to me? Fuck no and it never will.

Hope this helps.

-LadyYunaFFX2
 
What LadyYuna wrote and then some.

Women are beautiful (men on the other hand seem to have been built more for hard-wearing and rough use... function over form) and I do appreciate the many many aspects of feminine pulchritude.

But real beauty's anything but skin deep. As much as I appreciate good looks, it's the mind that has always really attracted me. Personality, thoughts, intelligence, wit, soul... those are what make a woman (or a man for that matter) truly attractive. Pretty's nice to look at and all... but it's nothing compared to a fascinating mind and a good conversation.

Wish I remember where I read the line first, but... "You don't love a woman because she's beautiful, she is beautiful because you love her."

-Ursus Peregrinus

~If Power Corrupts... does Corruption Empower?~
 
I agree with the statement, but you know, a lot depends on emotional maturity. Most guys in their mid-twenties, beyond or perhaps a little earlier won't care about those oh-so-human flaws, if their head is screwed on right. Younger guys? They're a mess of crude social conformity and hormones without a clue (sorry).

Generally speaking very young men are utterly unreal perfectionists in what they expect of themselves and others in terms of looks. I think its the same for girls too (but harsher). Simple outward appearance of prettiness counts for almost everything, because that's all they can go on with their limited experience. Pure. Glamor. The slightest flaw is like, yuck, how gross!

What happens with that is it fades in importance. No matter how outwardly pretty someone is they soon look 'average' once they've been around for a while. Familiarity equalizes prettiness. It doesn't matter if you're amazingly attractive or ugly, once you've been dating a guy for a while you kinda look...kinda like an average girl to them, flaws and all. Glamor loses its power. It happens. Ok, so give or take a little in one direction or the other, but it happens. Believe.

The more relationships they're in the more (I hope most) men wise up to this. They realize, even if its just behavioral, that there is a distinction to be made between short term surface beauty and longer term depth beauty. The former is outward, the latter is inward, to put it simplistically. No matter how mind blowing it is to get with some stunningly elegant looking babe that high doesn't last. What you're left with is what happens after the glow has faded, and that can be somewhere along the spectrum between wonderful and terrible.

More and more meeting new girls and how attractive they appear becomes a back and forth between how pretty they look and more complicated cognitive processes aimed at deducing whether getting with them will lead to more satisfying long term feelings than just, "Woohoo! I scored a hotty!" This eventually results in good looks counting for almost nothing except a kind of pathetic nostalgia for a simpler time when shallow reactions were all that mattered.

So no, men don't care about those frivolous so-called flaws, unless they're not very mature. In that case they're probably real worried about their own frivolous so-called flaws too. Easy to spot.

[EDIT: And oh boy, so much of that was foaming at the mouth BS. I know this is all way more complicated. I'm just a little drunk.]
 
I've found that looks really don't bother me much at all.

Smell, however, can knock me out. And I'm not referring to morning breath, or anything originating from the upper body, even.

Keep it clean back there, please >_>
 
It's a sad reality that most people do care about physical appearance. It's a complete shame. I myself do not qualify myself as a beautiful person (or will ever be), just average. But that may be because of my self-trust problems. Thing is, what really cares about a person is:
-Personal Hygiene: I cannot stand the stench of a person coming from it's private parts (or the smell of sweat after 4 days without taking a shower)
-And their attitude. Those are the two factors. Sadly, most people in the male community are really picky when it comes to looks...and i was absolutely teased in high school for being really slim and a late bloomer.
 
I'll be honest here, and I'm sure people will find me shallow or superficial but as a female, I'm just as concerned about the little details on a guy. Hygeine and keeping in good physical shape as well as looking after hair and skin is important to me in a guy. Obviously if I was totally in love then it wouldn't matter so much, but I doubt I'd be totally in love with a guy who is going to let himself go. I'm attracted to good looking, well built, sporty guys. Personality of course plays the major part, but the initial physical attraction is what decides whether the personality gets a shot or not.

As for do guys care too much about these things. I've never met a guy who seemed to care any more than I do. Most find my little breast size imbalance cute as far as I can tell.
 
Stretchmarks
If one titty is slightly bigger than the other
Birthmarks
Fat areas
Bumps or discoloration
Cellulite
Sweat
Morning breath
Human flaws

Stretchmarks - if they're those really big pronounced ones, then we will notice, we won't stop loving you over them, but it wouldn't kill you just to tone up just a little bit to help them fade.
If one titty is slightly bigger than the other - we call that one "our favorite"
Birthmarks - a lot of guys think they're cute, the rest of us are indifferent.
Fat areas - we all have 'em.
Bumps or discoloration - no offense love, but you might wanna have them checked out, if you already have and they're nothing bad, then we don't care overall.
Cellulite - meh, don't really care.
Sweat - if you sweat just from getting up, then you need to hit a treadmill, but if you've been working hard all day or it's a hot day, then we don't care, in fact it could lead to some kinky stuff.
Morning Breath - we both get it, let's stink together!.... for 5 seconds before we both throw up from eachother's stink and brush our teeth.
Human Flaws - oh so you can't get DD size boobs?... well i can't get a 7 inch cock, you're not Molly Cavalli and I'm not Chris Hemsworth, we're normal humans, with flaws...

Honestly the only real deal breaker in terms of appearance is if you look like this http://p.twimg.com/A1lTaNfCQAA54e3.jpg:large
other than that, the only possible deal breaker is your personality, if you act like a spoiled, ungrateful, lazy bitch, then i'll dump you, just like you'd dump me if i was a no-good abusive drug-taking lazy drunk asshole.
 
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