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Confessions of a Sexual Deviant

Dawnbreaker

Dawnbreaker

Star
Joined
Apr 18, 2011
Today is Sunday, January 13th of the year 2013 AD, and my quest for better health begins today. I have decided to start a journal here on Blue Moon to record my efforts, share delicious and healthy recipes, vent, and perhaps gather advise from the community. Anything pertaining to the site will also be posted here as well; from prolonged absences to any potential plot ideas that I am working on and would like some community input on. Normally, I would not bother with an online journal, but the Blue Moon Role Playing community has thus far proven to be one of the best online communities to which I have belonged and from what I can tell, many of you will be able to give me some advice in my healthy living venture. Beyond the details of my personal life, I think it would be fun to bounce some ideas around this site some time. Many of you are rather imaginative.

With all of that said, I am not ushering in the new year with some big, expensive diet program. I have tried dieting before and I hated every minute of it, which is a sure sign for failure in any lifestyle choice. It is very hard to maintain something which you do not enjoy and I simply do not have that kind of willpower. Instead, I have spent the past two weeks researching dietary nutrition and constructing a list of day-to-day meal plans that will ensure that my body is getting what it needs without gorging myself on unnecessary filler/junk foods that only serve to load unwanted amounts of sugar and saturated fat into the body.

These meal plans are all composed of foods that I enjoy and are constructed around the idea of consuming four or five servings of whole grain per day, two or three servings of dairy, two or three servings of healthy proteins, two to four servings of fruit, and four or five servings of vegetables. While snacking, which is important for maintaining metabolism, I will be choosing items such as a Clif Bar in place of potato chips or an orange in place of a candy bar. This may seem like a lot of food, but I have an active job and when the weather permits, I enjoy outdoor activities such as swimming and hiking.

In addition to eating better, I have enlisted at a local gym where I will spend at least an hour on days which I do not have to work and am unable to pursue an outdoor activity on account of the weather. I've never really been an avid supporter of gyms before, but I have never actively gone to one. Hopefully, I will be pleasantly surprised. If not, I am not afraid to jog or bike in the rain or snow.

This change in my lifestyle was not made with the intent to loose weight, though I am sure that weight loss will be a positive side effect. I am seeking only to be healthier and have more energy to do the things that I used to enjoy before my last relationship fell apart. After that, I fell into a fit of depression and put on more weight than I'd like to admit, but I have been doing better lately. Now that I have lost most of the weight that I put on, I am through sitting on the sidelines and letting myself be miserable. I'm taking life by the horns and getting ready to jump back into the dating circuit come Spring.
 
So I have just finished my F-List and all I have to say is "What the fuck, dude!?"

I knew that F-List was site dedicated to an in-depth presentation of one's sexual interests, but I had only seen it through links to other individual's profiles. This was the first time that I have ever made my own and I had no idea that their list was that goddamn expansive. it's really just kind of insane! On top of that, some of the kinks really made me have to do a double take and read them again. I am not usually one to judge, and I won't call out any kinks in particular because it is not my goal to offend, but I mean, really; what the fuck is wrong with this world? Since when is some of this shit sexual? Who the hell had the idea to try some of this shit for the first time? Why would they try some of that shit at all? Again, I don't mean to offend, but DAMN!

So, yeah... In short, I am glad that I never have to go through that process again. It made my brain, my soul, and every sexual organ on and in my body hurt just reading some of those kinks.
 
Well I just caved on my diet for the first time since starting it. I just woke up after a restless night's sleep and didn't feel like being bothered to actually cook anything, so I am having condensed soup for breakfast. I guess this wouldn't be much of a big deal, but I woke up in such a funk. I have no recollection of dreaming, but whatever I had dreamed about in the few hours that I could actually get myself to shut down must have been horrible. I can't remember the last time that I woke up this depressed. The icing on the proverbial cake? I have to work tonight. I can't even just take the night to myself to collect my thoughts.

Part of me is telling me that I could fix these random fits of depression if I found a compatible long-term partner for a Warcraft-based RP that I have in mind, but there are so few Warcraft role players here. Azeroth is the home of my OTC (one true character), you see. You know what I am talking about - that one character that you can truly loose yourself in; that one character that stands out among all of the other characters that you have ever created or played as. For me, it is the sin'dorei Blood Knight, Mallkior Dawnbreaker, with his half-human daughter coming in at a close second.

Officially, in the timeline of World of Warcraft, Mallkior is dead. I did not want to play WoW anymore and his old partner of two years and myself had a bit of a rough falling out - my fault entirely, I am afraid. Because of this, I ended his tale in a climactic battle between himself and his only child; the half-blood daughter that held him so dearly. It's a long, complicated story, but I assure you that it was a heart-wrencher.

Anyway, I have an idea for a role play, focusing on Mallkior as my main character, that would stretch from the time of Warcraft 3 up to the present day of WoW and onward - a VERY long-term RP, I know, but Mallkior is my OTC, as I have said. He had brought me a lot of great role play moments and I would love nothing more than to be able to share this character with someone else, and the entirety of Blue Moon.

Sadly, I do not see that happening. I am aware that I am asking for an extreme commitment to the RP and that Warcraft is an uncommon subject here. Still, a man has the right to dream, does he not?

Anyway, I actually feel a little better now. Even if you are just typing things out in an online journal that no one will probably read, it helps to put feelings like these into a 'physical' form. Have a good night, Blue Moon. I will certainly try to do the same, though I can make no promises of success on the matter.
 
I've found my inspiration for pretty much anything to be at an all-time low lately. For the fast few days, I haven't even been able to work up the motivation or the creative flow to put out decent posts in my threads, so I haven't been posting. I finally found some inspiration today and made a couple of posts, but now it is gone again and I can't help but feel like I am letting my partners down.

I dunno what it is, frankly. I am having no problems coming up with new ideas (though I am having trouble committing them to my search thread) but my old threads are putting me in a bit of a funk. I believe that one of them is now effectively dead due to my partner becoming busy in reality, which is understandable. I certainly can't fault someone for putting their life above an online story, but that doesn't make it any less of a bummer. Another one gets posted in quite infrequently and, as a result, I just have a hard time keeping myself in the mindset of the character that I am writing for in it.

The last one, though active, is just... I dunno. It wasn't really my idea and I guess that I feel like I don't really know which way it was intended to go. I feel like I rushed things far too quickly with it and I am not even sure what I am doing with my characters at this point. The entire concept is a jumbled mess in my head and every time that I go to sort it out, I find inconsistencies between the characters that I am playing and the ideas upon which those characters were made. It's a mess and I feel like any attempts that I could make to fix it will only make it worse.

I don't know if this is depression talking or what, but I need to take a step back and evaluate what I want out of Blue Moon. I don't want to find myself 'stuck' in stories that I don't enjoy, but keep writing in to make my partners happy. I also don't want to by put in a position where I have to just stop playing with someone whom I enjoy writing with, which has happened once already.
 
When this sort of shit happens, I find it best to be honest. If you like writing with the person...... don't sweat it. Just tell them that you are having issues with the story and want to do something different. It might mean a new story, a break from the current story (you can always revisit it later) or hashing out things further to make things better. Communication is key. All too often people forget that. They think that once they set up the story that communication ceases and that shit ends there. It doesn't and usually when it does shit goes sour. Not saying you have to be buddy-buddy, but discussing minor points as they come up is always a plus. Just like when ideas come up or if questions arise, it's best to bring them up with the person you're writing with. If you don't.... shit only gets more sour and then things fester and become worse and before you know it you find yourself in a mess you wish you weren't. Sometimes the fixes and tweaks are simple enough, sometimes it means moving on. But best to figure that out sooner than later. You wait on it, you suffer as does your writing partner. Also, I find that when you pick up a RP, it's best to NEVER take on something you feel lukewarm about. If you feel excited about it, it has a higher chance at success. Sure, this doesn't always happen, but you do increase the likelihood. But I digress some.

Anyway, another things.... any time you start to feel like the writing is becoming work or a chore, that means it is time for a break. Maybe you need to change things up. Try a new genre or character type. Maybe you need to only do one RP as opposed to three or perhaps try a group style versus a 1x1 or vice versa. Sometimes doing something a bit different or just taking a mini break can be helpful. The boards are chock full of other things to browse and contribute toward where you can get to know and interact with many of the amazing members here at BMR.

Have heart. You are not alone. This happens to most of us at one point and, honestly, at several points. So don't feel badly or depressed about it. It happens. A lot. You'll get out of the slump and find yourself back into the groove once again. You'll see.
 
I appreciate the words of encouragement. Once I am done playing PM tag, I will have to make my way out into town to grab a bite to eat while I mull things over. There's nothing that a heaping helping of fried eggs, homefires, texas toast, and corned beef hash can't fix. Hooray for small-town diners!
 
You're welcome. Hope it was helpful if even only in some small way. Biggest thing is communication. People will appreciate it and you'll feel better about things. And with those you love writing with..... you can always write a different story with them if the one you're doing just isn't working. That's the beauty of things. *nod nod* And with the others, sometimes it just doesn't work out. But don't beat yourself up about that. It's not your fault nor theirs. But pushing things when it's just not working doesn't help either of you. It's about having fun and allowing yourself creative outlet. The moment that stops........ you have to step back and find a new path for story, character, whatever. You'll find it. :)

And YES! Diners rock! *nods*
 
So on a much lighter note from yesterday, I wanted to take a chance to spread the word about a fantastic show on Netflix that I have been watching; The Adventures of Merlin. Yes, I know that it sounds like it might be the name of a bad cartoon, but it is a British live-action television series based strongly, though not exactly, on Arthurian Legend. Anyone with a taste for knights, nobility, magic, and wonder is encouraged to take a look at it. I'm at the end of season three and I can honestly say that it has been a long time since I was this impressed by a television show; great acting, a strong plot, and characters that you can't help but fall in love with.

Actually, the last time that I was impressed by a show, it was Primeval, another British series... Damn you England and your quality television! I've noticed, as I have gotten older, that most American live-action shows and movies are garbage. Sure, I love a good comedy movie and there are plenty of American actors whom I love to see in films, but as a general rule of thumb, I hate American television and cinema. No one with half a brain cares who Snooki is banging. No one with half a brain cares that Miley Cyrus has run her career into the dirt. These things do not directly affect your life; leave these people alone to live their own.

Then there are the gory flicks, which I am just not a fan of. I understand that they are popular and I understand the appeal that they offer some people, but there is just nothing there for me. I'm also puzzled as to how much nudity is in these kinds of movies. Since when are perfect, perky tits associated with murder and entrails? Sadly, these flicks make up the majority of the movies being made now-a-days.

It saddens me, but my taste in my own country's media has dwindled over the years and has left me with nothing more to watch than comedy-based media and B-Rated Sci-Fi movies. You know the ones that I am talking about; those Scy-Fy channel originals that make you just bury your face in your hand and think 'I can't believe that I just wasted an hour of my life on this shit.' Yeah; those are a guilty pleasure of mine.

*clears throat* Getting back on track here, I advise anyone with Netflix to check out the British television series, The Adventures of Merlin. If you like Arthurian Legend, I do not believe that you will be disappointed.
 
UPDATES!! OHMY!!!

Anyway, two of my three roommates, both of whom are somewhere between 450 and 500 lbs, have noticed me eating better, going to the gym, taking walks, and all of that jazz. They asked me what was up so I told them that I wanted to live healthier and offered to help them get their lives on track because, well, 500 pounds. While I am not one to judge, that is simply unhealthily large and they're nice enough guys.

They both went to the Monday morning Weightwatcher's meeting this past week and have both been taking special care with each meal since to try and make sure that they are eating the correct number of points and that they are getting a variety of nutrition from different kinds of food sources. In an effort to support them in their decision, I have decided to join them in Weightwatchers. Hooray for support networks!

To top it off, I LOVE to cook and would happily go to culinary school if I could afford the tuition. Sadly, I cannot, but that hasn't stopped me from proving to the both of them that they can eat healthy without sacrificing the foods that they love. Last night, I cooked them a 6 oz porkchop dinner with red and yellow bell peppers and onions to flavor the pork, a side of green beans, a whole-wheat dinner roll, and a baked potato. Their whole meal was only about 20 points and both of them have a daily point value of 70 and 72 points to fill. They were both so amazed that they could eat meals like that and not ruin the rest of their day's meals.

Both of them are psyched about their decision to do WWers and I am very happy for the both of them.
 
Alright, so I am typing this from my cell phone so please excuse my briefness. Long story short, I live in the United States; Maine to be exact. My state just got hammered by a huge Blizzard and I am currently without power. Needless to say, no power, no computer and no computer means no posts from me. Power should be back tomorrow, but no guarantees. My apologies to all of my writing partners; I will be back in the next few days as state utility workers allow.
 
So, yeah... If it hasn't been obvious, I have been extremely busy since my power has come back and I do not think that I have the time to commit to online role playing at this time. My deepest apologies to all of my partners, but I must part from Blue Moon. I wish you all the best and want to say that I have enjoyed my short time here with you all.
 
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