The Obligation of Saying "No"

[Rudolph Quin]

Do you feel you are owed a response when someone doesn't want to role-play with you? Why? Does it bother you when someone doesn't reply or just vanishes without a word? Why? I see this a lot when people complain about role-playing and I find the sense of entitlement in the complaint to be a bit amusing. Looking over different profiles and request threads, I would say a good 70% of the people here have a note somewhere(in their bio, in their sig, in their request thread, etc.) about how you MUST tell them when you're not interested in role-playing with them. With that many people who are upset about being treated that way(and no doubt, they treat others the way they wish to be treated and never just silently ignore notes they'd rather not respond to) you have to wonder where the perpetrators are.

I've been doing this for 4 years and have literally lost my ability to be phased by sudden disappearances which happen so frequently, it is an expected outcome at some point during the process. How many of you have completed a role-play? As in, you guys didn't just decide to quickly tie a knot on it and call it done, but actual beginning, middle and end, finished.

Do you always respond when you get a message, even to tell someone you don't wish to role-play with them? Do you always let your partner know when you're done with a role-play or you aren't going to be around to reply? Personally, I get a boner from telling people "no", so I'll usually respond to unwanted solicitation but I am interested in Blue Moon's odd sense of decorum and the motivation behind it.

 

[darkangel76]

Re: Should I RP with you:
No. I never feel like I HAVE to RP with anyone. Firstly, if I get a PM from someone who has clearly not read my request thread (or profile, for that matter) or I get a one-liner or something along the lines of cyber, I just ignore it and will not respond to it at all. My reasoning behind that is simple. If they didn't bother to take the time to give a damn, then neither shall I. Now, if they did read my request thread and their ideas are just not something that thrills me, I will politely tell them I'm not interested. Depending on things, I might ask them to make another suggestion or just tell them a simple 'thanks for asking' and then be on my way.

Re: Posting and the 'disappearance phenomenon':
I'm more of a stickler about people letting me know when it comes to groups MUCH more so over 1x1s and even more so when I run the group (and for obvious reasons). Most of this is because in groups, you just don't know how many people are going to want to actually continue RPing vs not and man... I swear usually that one person who decides to vanish is that person that has that crucial role or is a role that at least someone who wants to RP on a more active basis is dependent upon. My thing is this with groups.... don't care if you have shit to do, a life, whatever, just give a heads up if you're going to be out of the picture for a bit and kind of give people a heads up and then at least have the decency to not pick such a crucial role and/or make it such that your character is in a position where others aren't so dependent on you and can move on. You know.... just some basic courtesy.

My own personal rules are a bit more lax. I'm cool if people want to take longer to post when it comes to 1x1s. So I'm not the sort to go OMFG WHY AREN'T YOU POSTING RIGHT NOW YOU'RE ONLINE WAHHH! when it comes to them. However, I do expect a level of courtesy. So, if you're going to take longer than a week, just a quick PM letting me know you'll be taking a while for one reason or another is nice, just so that I know. I won't care that you're taking a while. I know I try my best to do the same to those I RP with if I can help it. I'm sure I've failed a time or two, but on the whole, I've been pretty good about letting my RP partners know that I'm either having issues with my muse, no longer interested in the RP, having schedule conflicts or just... something. I think it's just best to be up front with your RP partner and let them know the deal. Though even then it's funny how some of them don't always get the picture. But that's another story in and of itself.

Overall, when it comes to disappearance, it is indeed something I've experienced several times and have come to expect. Do I like it? No. Do I practice it on people? I most certainly try not to just out of respect and courtesy for those I RP with. I try to treat those as I want to be treated in return. Do I deal with it? Of course, so naturally I'm not going to get all 'bent' over it either. But that doesn't mean I like it because I mean, let's face it... who likes to be abandoned when they're in the middle of writing a story with someone when they're enjoying it? I know I don't. But it's the way of RP it seems and thus probably isn't going to be going away any time soon. Personally, I think it's just easier for people to hide behind their screens sometimes and that is just why it happens. Were it the land of the 'real', it wouldn't be such a common occurrence.

Re: Finished RPs:
The closest I've come to a finished RP is probably my 'To Train A Dragon Rider' RP which I did here actually. We started it, discussed it, developed it, everything. And as it slowed, we did sort of agree on an eventual ending. But unfortunately, we never actually got quite around to writing it out. But boy did we get close, lol. We probably only needed to do a handful of posts more to actually finish it up. So why we never did so is beyond me. Who knows, maybe one day we will... though the guy I RP'd with doesn't come on site here much any longer. However, we do still keep in touch.

 

[Annika]

I'm pretty equanimitous about things. I accept that shit happens, tech breaks and broadband bills don't always get paid on time. I take virtually nothing personally when it comes to online forums. Generally I'll drop a polite PM after a week or so, just checking in with the person and asking if they're still interested in the RP. I'll look at when they were online but really only to determine whether they're still active on BM. Depending on how much I was enjoying the RP, I may drop another pm in another week or so, again polite in tone and reiterating that I'm not in any rush so long as I know the other player's still on board. After a month of zero contact I write the other player off and consider myself free to recast and/or restart the RP if I choose.

If a player pops up after a few months with a courteous pm and an explanation of what's going on with them, then I'll pick up a thread - if I'm interested, if it's still doormant and if I feel able to take on the extra commitment.

Generally (as you can see) I'll use my signature to keep people informed about my availability. If I'm going on hiatus for any length of time, then I'll send out PMs but otherwise I expect people to be as patient with me as I am with others. Life's really too damn short to stress about posting frequency and I always value quality writing over quantity and frequency. There's no point badgering people to post because all you get for your trouble is a half-assed reply tossed together out of a sense of obligation (well it's all they get out of me if I'm successfully pressured into a response). Sometimes people are just uninspired. Not as if threads are going to go anywhere in the meantime.

I actually tend NOT to approach people who are angsty and embittered about posting length/frequency/etc in their request threads. Like any new partner, I have no desire to be treated like a disappointment waiting to happen. It also smacks of immaturity to me and I'm not going to spend what should be my recreational time appeasing some snot-nosed teeny-bopper with the patience and attention span of a 3 year old on skittles.

So there ya have it. Equanimity in all things padawan.

ETA: If I'm getting impatient PMs off of a co-writer, I'll tell them what my schedule is and remind them that I aim for 2 or 3 quality posts per week, not per day. If they're reassured by me replying to the PM promptly and patient enough to accept my timescale for things, great. If they get their knickers in a knot or become irksome, I'll drop the RP even if I was really enjoying it. BM is just supposed to be a bit of fun. If I feel like I'm constantly justifying having a life to someone then it sucks the fun out of the RP, along with my interest.

 

[darkangel76]

That is exactly my approach when it comes to my 1x1s. I'm much more lax about it and am fine with getting and giving posts every other day if that's how my schedule and/or muse goes. I'm in my 30s as well. I have 2 kids and they come first. Plus being admin, my duties on site come before my RPs as well. So that is just the way of it. Groups are the only time I care to have a schedule in mind, but that is more because you are dealing with several as opposed to just one person. But the rules are mentioned up front and aren't outlandish and, in my opinion, if people cannot hold to them, then they shouldn't join said group. Plus, it's also made pretty clear that delays are fine so long as people have an idea that you need to have them. So, if people have a heavy work or class schedule, so long as they let people know ahead of time, that can be worked around by everyone. I think that is just being considerate to the group since you're dealing with many, not just one. But yes, if it's just me... I'm totally on board there.

 

[Ms_Muffintops]

When it comes to asking or proposing a roleplay, no, I do not expect a response. If I get no response, obviously they were not interested or they simply can't do it for whatever reason. I move on with life. I sometimes do the same. I'll try to give a reply and let them know why, but I also have a rule in my thread that if they don't read it thoroughly, and I'll know if they did or did not, then I won't reply to them at all.

However, with current going roleplays... yes, I'd like SOME heads up if they're not going to be roleplaying, or if they're having trouble getting replies out and may be thinking of dropping it. My reasons being is that I only take on so many roleplays at once, and if I could be filling that spot with someone who could reply more consistently, then I'd like to. So I don't want to be spending weeks waiting for a reply that likely won't come for another month while receiving roleplay offers that interest me. If I am thinking of dropping a roleplay, I will let them know. If I can't reply, I'll let them know.

When active in roleplaying, I like consistent replies, mostly because I like roleplays with plot, and if they don't reply much, the story moves slowly, and if it moves too slow, it gets boring.

 

[PredatoryFantasia]

Personally, I don't always reply to PMs that I get for requests or answers to my ads. I don't really do it on purpose, I just forget sometimes if I have found a partner for the plot in question and have already read the PM with the intention of replying later. I'll admit that I usually feel bad about it, but things happen.

On the matter of partners that I am currently engaged in a RP with, however, I do always make sure to let my partner know if I am no longer feeling the RP or if I am unable to play with them because of a lack of what I feel is proper effort in return to what I am giving them. I don't feel 'entitled' to the same, but I would hope that I would receive that same respect that I give everyone else.

 

[MasterOfWhispers]

Thing is (And I've mentioned this other time on other threads) I'm having a problem keeping a partner around after two posts. It gets kind of jarring when your exploring other boards and seeing other role plays And you find that your partner frequently responds to one but never to yours. Reading this thread, I decided to take the one week and more approach and PM them and asking them what happened.

Will actually PM them asking them about any kinks or errors in my rp style. I have feeling there is but nobody is telling me anything. I genuinely would like to improve and be able to keep my partner engaged enough to post frequently.

 

[Firm Master]

Sometimes I need a few days before I'm up to get into RPing. Sometimes I'm ready to have a reply back all day long. And sometimes I hate an RP and don't want to explain why.

I've told a person one time that it wouldn't work on another site. That was only because it was so incredibly painful to see their replies that I knew it would never happen, but they were nice before we started and I wanted to give some pointers about what bothered me.

I don't see much point in telling someone it's done. I doubt many have just one RP going and unless I have some personal bond outside of the RP with you, I don't see why I'd owe you a notice. Especially when I might want to continue tomorrow.

 

[Ms_Muffintops]

I don't see much point in telling someone it's done. I doubt many have just one RP going and unless I have some personal bond outside of the RP with you, I don't see why I'd owe you a notice. Especially when I might want to continue tomorrow.

The reason I stated above might be a reason. Some people get plenty of roleplay offers, quite a few they'd be willing to take on, but they often limit themselves. I myself limit myself depending on whats going on. Let's say I take on 5 max and I have exactly 5 roleplays going. That means I have met my personal max and will not take on anymore. But if one of my partners is losing interest or decides they're just going to reply whenever they hell they please, be it a week from now, or a month from now, with no reasonable reason why, I'd like to know so I can mentally dump that roleplay and take on another.

It's always nice to discuss your pace, schedule and availability to reply. Many people like to be a little more structured with how often they reply. The longer it takes someone to get to replying, the more the enthusiasm and creative juices for the specific roleplay may dwindle, especially for plot driven roleplayers.