Patreon LogoYour support makes Blue Moon possible (Patreon)

Getting too attached?

Admiral Squish

Admiral Squish

Super-Earth
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
So, I've got a bit of a problem. It keeps happening, so I'm gonna make a thread about it to see if I can get some real advice on the matter.

I have a problem with girls getting too attached. I RP with them, and we have fun, but then things get wierd. It starts with off-handed comments like 'I missed you at work today', or 'Love you!'. Then they start wanting to know if I'm single. They start dropping hints about their own relationship status. They wanna know where I live. I mean, I'm not technically taken, but I'm not here to date. I just want RP. And there's no way to say I don't want a relationship without sounding like a dick.

Am I the only one this happens to? Is this a common problem? How do you deal with girls (or boys) that get too attached? Is there any way to lose the awkwardness without spoiling the RP?
 
Yeah, that happens to me a lot. I have yet to figure out a solution because even side stepping the issue hurts their goddamn feelings and makes things not fun anymore. Like, instead of saying, "I'm not looking for a relationship" or "Quit being fuckin' weird you psycho and just post already" I'll say "Things are moving too fast. Maybe I'll give you my cell phone number once I'm more comfortable." I don't put a direct time on "becoming comfortable" so I can continue to sidestep in the future without there being insult. But sidestepping itself has proven to be damaging because things get awkward and I can't seem to have a normal conversation with them again(probably because we've only been talking for a week or two and already she's asking for digits; kinda feels creeperish, bro, if you know what I'm talking about). Sometimes they even seem hurt or pissed off at me and occasionally the role-plays die after that.

If you find a solution to this, I would like to know as well. Because it is still a problem for me, women getting overly attached outside of the role-play. Handling role-play rejection is easy but if I like the role-play and don't want to leave and want to continue to be friends, then it gets a bit harder. I don't think I'm giving the wrong signals and half the time I'm a dick in conversation anyway, so I don't get it. I neither know how to prevent it or ease it back to normal once it happens.
 
I think I've only had this problem once and that was quite a bit ago when an RP partner told me that if our characters were going to date that we should "date." I've made some great friends through RP but I know where my lines are and they do as well. It's an RP site, not a dating site and people forget that sometimes I think.
 
This is why I don't like to get too personal with my roleplay partners. If I end up making friends with a roleplay partner, I find the roleplaying dies down as we find it more enjoyable to talk. But more often than I'd like, some of them cannot separate our characters and the real us.

Also gotta be careful because I have for a long time been a firm believer that roleplaying serves as a filler for that empty void in them, which could be a lack of romance, or lack of intimacy, or a lack of what they desire... and they can sometimes get too emotionally invested in this quick fix.

Then there's those who simply like to make stories with people, which I feel is what a healthy roleplayer should be doing.
 
Well, I can safely I never had this happen to me *feels unwanted* ----> lol, jk

But seriously, this is definitely something I would consider an awkward situation. Me personally, I'd probably tell them "I'm not here looking for a RL partner or date, I'm just here to write". And if they went so far as to ask for my phone number, I'd just say, "Sorry, not gonna happen". Then again, I'm kind of a blunt person to begin with, so......yeah. There's a lot of ways to handle it; it's mostly about doing what you're most comfortable with doing. If you can "shoot them down" (so to speak), then do that. If not, then like Quin said, it might be best to just sidestep for a little while until you find a solution you can handle.

But I do agree with you, Hahvoc; trust me when I say I'm no saint. I spend a LOT of time on here, but mostly it's because I have fun writing and I like reading what others have written. But sometimes, like you said, the line between this and reality can get blurred for some people. I think it's because this is an adult RP site, and the fact that it has both a text and voice chat client, that make people think they can find that "special someone" they've been missing. But, that's just my two cents.
 
While I have never had this problem from anyone on this site, it was a huge issue back on my previous RP forum. I can say from experience that the only way to stomp this problem out is to be direct. Tell this person plainly and clearly that you enjoy roleplaying with them but are not now and won't ever be interested in them that way. It is harsh but in situations like this you cannot leave your words open to interpretation.

Some people will understand, thank you for being honest, and continue the RP. Others will throw a tantrum. At that point, get on with your life and ignore them and their internet baby's daddy drama.
 
I've unfortunately had this happen to me and.... I'M MARRIED WITH TWO KIDS!!!!!! Not to mention I state it quite clearly in both my profile and request thread to BACK OFF. But still, shit happens. Thankfully, it's not overly common to get quite to that level. But mainly, I just try to keep things light in conversation and to chit chat. Sure, I don't mind discussing some personal things, but I'm not going to discuss everything. And when people start pushing, I'll either just flat out ignore you and/or drop the RPs all together (because I normally am very polite about dropping them if I feel the need to do so, but have no qualms about pulling the 'silent treatment' if you push me far enough). The way I see it, is if people cannot respect what I have put up so boldly and blatantly in BOTH my profile and request thread, then they don't necessarily deserve the same respect back. Might sound a bit cold. But by that point, I feel violated and creeped out. So my inclination to care about how that person then feels is more or less nil by that point, if that makes any sense. It becomes more of a preservation of self more than anything.
 
Fetlife is a different story. It's supposed to be a kinky social network. Some people find people on there for more than just chatter and if people are stalking you, you're supposed to report them to the staff rather than just leave. Fetlife also has some crazy people, and I've had my fair share, but ignoring them/blocking them/reporting them is the best way to deal with that situation.

Don't get me wrong, some people have found boyfriends/girlfriends/and even gotten married to people they have met on here but it's pretty rare and usually those kind of connections may start on this site but the deeper stuff occurs offsite.

Still, if people are metaphorically chasing you, best to let them down quickly.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom