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Unreasonable Expectations

L

Lukage

Super-Earth
Joined
Aug 9, 2009
So I go from the "usual" methods of meeting women to online and vice versa. I mix it up. I've always felt that I have better connections meeting someone online and making a relationship out of it. Someone here in fact seemed to have that with me, but I managed to screw it up with her and I still feel bad about it as we don't even talk any more. But when I meet several people and want to know who they are and I want to see what they look like and where they're from, all noting that I'm looking for a relationship, why the hell must I get berated for asking her for proof. Looks aren't everything, but if I were to meet you somewhere, I'd sure as hell know who to look for. When I see a photo that is stunning and the image tag reads "0123_hottie_blonde_in_bikini_924.jpg" I'm going to be suspicious. People lie about that crap all the time and it shouldn't hurt to have some proof. Asking for another photo of proof shouldn't be the end of the world. To say "I have no camera and no way to ever get a photo" just proves that you're full of crap. I'd rather someone be honest with me, much less say "Yes, let's have a first date on webcam and we can talk as if we did just meet in person." This sort of response always comes from the people who say "hell no I won't want to meet for a long time because that's how someone gets raped!" How is it any better to fake who you are and stereotype the anonymous online profile. I'm the one being up front and trying to be realistic.

Am I just nuts to think that people can meet online for a potential relationship and actually have the guts to prove that they are who and what they say they are?
 
Indeed. Web cam is probably the best way. I've met a couple people online, and you'd be surprised what a good lighting and angled picture can do- changes everything.
 
Its not about the looks as much as just having someone be honest about themselves. Its really annoying to have someone storm away saying "fine, then you don't believe me" because they have a Nikki Next Door photo on their profile claiming its them. The most laughable thing is when someone claims they have no way to get any proof of who they are. A disposable camera and a trip to Walgreens can resolve that. Is it that there are so many fakers out there?
 
Most likely, yes. depends on how you approach it too. Accusing a possible date prospect of lying and going "PROVE YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE BECAUSE I BELIEVE NONE OF IT" probably isn't a diplomatic approach.
 
Its not that I approach them like that. Its just that at the point there is an interest and I want to exchange information, they tend to get defensive.
 
Could be possible you're doing it too early and they think you are a creep. Or rather they dont want the same thing you do.
 
Its mix and match. But shouldn't there be a difference between "no thanks, I don't know you very well" and "sure, this is me. I'm actually an internet celebrity." I think what I'm getting at isn't so much the online dating or meeting people online for actual conversation, but just being honest. What's the point when meeting them will expose them. If you tell me you're Megan Fox and she doesn't show up, what is the point of everything up to that point other than a waste of time? I know online provides the joy of anonymity, but fuck, when it matters to tell the truth, at least have the guts to say you're nervous or ashamed or something. Worst case the online acquaintance doesn't talk to you again and you move on. Nothing lost if you didn't have a lot going in the relationship.

*sigh* And now I get to sit here at home tonight in the rain, dateless. :(
 
Again.

This one I really liked. She lived 6 hours away. Not unreasonable. We hit it off well, talked on Skype for hours a day, and even fell asleep together on Skype so we "were together." I confronted her about a relationship and she didn't want to commit yet. We agreed on an exclusive relationship without a dating status just to be sure. She said she never ever will commit so soon. The next week comes around and she's on less (invisible or "sleeping" etc.). I ask her if there's someone else or if I upset her, she says no. Finally I ask again and she says that when I opened up (financial issues and my brother possibly being diagnosed with cancer this week), she didn't like the real me and that I'm too dramatic. Now her points are another issue, but I try to let it go and just suffer alone for a few nights. Today she finally says "oh I did tell you I found someone, right?" as if I knew. She knew I wasn't told yet. I tell her that its making sense and that I see why she pushed away. Playing stupid, she questions it. I go into details on how I figured it was the case and she goes on to say she really likes him and wants to date him. Turns out the guy is from her area and is currently living elsewhere (a place she ironically is going to visit this summer). She admits she's going to leave her boyfriend for him and wants a serious relationship. They met on a webcam chat three days ago. She flips out when I call her out on a double standard and that I've been hurt by her and I wanted a good friend. Suddenly we can't be friends and that its rude to call her out, especially in that I said it boiled down to having someone in person.

Is meeting someone online and having a relationship truly impossible if they don't live in the same city as you? :( I'm starting to believe it.
 
Its hard to say. She and I seemed very compatible. She wanted to date me. It all boiled down to her wanting her boyfriend there in person every night.

I can't find a woman who is okay with not having sex on a very regular basis. Well, I've only found one and I screwed up that one.
 
Here's an idea - Wait for the right one to come along, and don't commit until you can be there or she can come to you. If it doesn't pan out (New boyfriend, lack of funds, general disinterest), it wasn't meant to be.

There are worse things then being single.
 
Its not about seeing one another. I'm talking about being there all the time. Its rather foolish to say that I shouldn't be serious about a relationship until I'm willing to move to another state for them...
 
Lukage said:
Its not about seeing one another. I'm talking about being there all the time. Its rather foolish to say that I shouldn't be serious about a relationship until I'm willing to move to another state for them...
Click to expand...
Did I say move? Nothing so permanent. But a relationship isn't real until you've at least met. Take it from someone who tried this game for years.
 
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