I Hate That I Love You (MadilynShay & Dysy)

[MadilynShay]

Jayde took a deep breath as she heard her boyfriend Dmitri walk in the door. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she tried to compose herself before she went out to face him. She had spent the last hour preparing herself for what she was going to do, playing out scenarios in her head to try and figure out what exactly she should say. Not that it mattered. She knew that as soon as gave her that look, she would be at loss for words. He had that kind of affect on her. With just a glance, he could shut her up. He just always knew what to do and what to say to get in her head. It was almost like he controlled her, and she was finally starting to realize how unhealthy it was.

Throughout their relationship, her main goal had been to please him, and he always did all the right things to make her conform to his needs, making her bend over backwards to ensure he was happy. She knew that at any point she could stop it, but she cared to much. She hated that she loved him. It made her unable to stand up to him, but now, he had gone too far. It was bad enough that he took advantage of her love for him, but even then, he still doubted her. He was constantly 'putting her to the test' but this time, she just couldn't handle it.

It wasn't the first time it had happened. She'd seen him with other girls before. Her friends had too. It was so unsettling to always hear how so and so had seen Dmitri with a girl doing this and that. What bothered her even more was the fact that he didn't try to hide it. He would go places where he knew she would be, or places where there were people that she knew. That morning, an hour or so after he had left to go 'hang out with the guys' she received a picture message from one of her friends that had an image of her boyfriend walking with another girl, his arm around her, both of them smiling. Though he had done it before, it still hurt her. Seeing him looking so happy with someone else tore her apart. She did so much for him and this was what she got in return. Anyone else would have left him a long time before, but it wasn't until now that she had finally gained the strength to do something about it.

She didn't want to face him, but what else could she do? Before when she had considered leaving him, she told herself that he would change over time, but the more time that went by, the worse things seemed to get. Coming to this realization, she stood up from her bed, walking out of the bedroom and into the kitchen where she saw Dmitri pouring himself a drink. She didn't say a word to him, but instead pulled out her phone and opened the picture message, setting it on the counter in front of him.

 

[Dysy]

He wasn’t a drinker.

He wasn’t a smoker.

He didn’t abuse any sort of substance, but he abused his relationships.

Dmitri was notorious for always being the ‘fuck-up’, at least in his own mind he was. But in all the relationships he got into, he managed to be the one to make the other person the so called ‘fuck up’. He had a way with words, the way he did things, so methodically, and carefully planned, the often the girl had no choice but to give in, and make him happy . But was he happy?

No, of course not – that would be asking for too much.

He had gotten a call from Jayde earlier in the morning than he expected, sure he quipped at her, but it wasn’t his normal spark. He days he ‘cheated’ on her, he was a lot nicer, as if his kind attitude should be a reason as to why he should be ‘forgiven’. As he if needed forgiveness, Dmitri had his reasons for doing the things he did, and seeking forgiveness for them was not part of his reasoning.

Brushing his dark, tousled brown hair back the man showed up promptly to his girlfriend apartment, only to find that she had simply left the door open for his arrival. Entering calmly the tall male did what he normally did. He removed his jacket, tossing it to the floor (expecting Jayde to pick it up later), and shoved his boots into a corner – an all-around self-entitled pile of mess. He helped her pay for the rent for the first few months, at least till she got a stable paycheck, so this apartment was part his. At least, that’s how he saw it. His clothes were often littered on the couch – a way of almost, marking his territory in someone else’s space. Movies, he told her were good, but really – were just crap, decorated her television set, as well as several pairs of his shoes. He hadn’t moved in any toiletries yet – for some reason, toiletries meant you stayed the night, and it was just a more intimate item to leave at someone’s apartment. Dmitri – was not an intimate man.

Shrugging his shoulders, Dmitri helped himself to several things from her kitchen – a couple of bites of food, and then soon, Dmitri found himself parched – so he grabbed himself a cup, and a bit of juice. It was only when the small silent clatter of her phone caught his attention did Dmitri finally turn his attention away. “Hmm?” he piqued quietly his lips still caught on the rim of the cup. “What, one of your girlfriend’s send this too you? Y’know she’s just a friend babe.” Dmitri dismissed the idea entirely, pushing the phone back towards Jayde. “Jeez, you gotta work on these trust issues that you have.” The male held the glass carefully between his fingertips as he crossed his arms carefully. “Now, what the hell did you call me over for Jayde? Just to show me this picture? So I ran into her, you’re gonna punish me for being a little nice?”

[Sorry, not my best intro. Hope it still suffices.]

 

[MadilynShay]

She shook her head in disbelief, hating how calmly he acted about it. Almost as if it was nothing. In his eyes, nothing he did was wrong. "Just a friend.." she repeated. "Kind of like the girl at the bar was just a friend? And the one hanging all over you at Rick's party was just a friend? How many 'friends' do you have Dmitri?" she asked, making no attempt to hide her irritation. Usually, she just went along with what he told her and forgot about it. It was usually the easiest thing to do, but now, she'd had enough. She was sick of being walked on. She did everything for him, yet he still treated her like she was nothing.

She laughed shortly, staring at him coldly. "A little nice?" Her voice grew louder each time she spoke. "It'd be one thing if you were actually 'nice' to me every once in awhile. You can treat me like shit but its ok to be nice to them?" She practically shouted. She never raised her voice at him, but she couldn't help it. She wasn't just angry, she was hurt. She loved him so much, but she couldn't help but feel like he didn't feel like same about her. If he loved her, he wouldn't act like this. "I wouldn't have trust issues if you weren't hanging all over other girls all the time." She continued, not willing to let it go this time. "If you ever saw me like that with another guy, you'd never let it go."

He wasn't going to change. As much as she wished he would, she knew it wouldn't happen. She'd held on for too long, and now she realized the only thing she'd done by staying with him was cause herself more pain. All she wanted was for him to show her that he cared. She just wanted to know that he wanted her, but even after everything they had been through, he still couldn't do that for her. "I just.." she paused, tears streaming down her face. "I can't do this anymore." she finally admitted. As the words left her mouth, it was almost as though a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. "You need to leave."

 

[Dysy]

“It’s to build up your trust!”

He was different than Jayde, he raised his voice all the time – but he never roughed the girl up, he told himself he was better than roughing girls up. But that didn’t’ mean he was against it – it just meant it was a last resort for him. Dmitri could act like a child when he wanted to, a giant temper tantrum was all it took for Jayde to admit she was wrong – even when she wasn’t, and yet in the ending he was forgiving her, and she was emptying her sorries, and her patience on him.

“Jeez Jayde, I wouldn’t be so stressed out if you didn’t freak the fuck out every single time I went out, or happened upon a gir-“ The last sentence was what struck Dmitri. It didn’t struck him as those words would strike a girl, with shock, and fear that the guy was leaving, but rather with disbelief. No one left Dmitri – no one, he always made sure to leave them first. He never got attached, it wasn’t because he was insecure or worried about getting hurt – he just found relationships to be a waste of time.

People were waste of time.

“I need to leave? I’M not the problem in this relationship here Jayde.” He was sure, no, he knew the neighbors could hear them. Jayde had gotten noise complaints before because of Dmitri’s attitude and constant nagging on his girlfriend. Hell, he wasn’t afraid to make it known to others that he had a problem with his girlfriend. “I know I’d never cheat on you Jade, I don’t know about you! If you were with a guy it’d be different. It’s much different for a girl to come onto a guy, girls don’t DO that sort of thing. Guys do that all the time – but I come home to you, only YOU. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME.”

Dmitri’s voice was impossibly loud now, resonating upon the walls of the girl’s apartment and his arms were waving endlessly at the female as he spoke. It wasn’t when Dmitri’s voice got loud that people got nervous, it was when Dmitri was quiet that people got anxious –antsy – it meant he was brooding, planning, plotting. And now, Dmitri was dangerously quiet as he glared steely daggers at Jayde.

How dare she?

 

[MadilynShay]

"Build it?" she asked incredulously. "All you're doing is ruining my trust for you Dmitri. Every time I blink you're with another girl. How the fuck I am supposed to be ok with that?" The frustration was obvious in her voice. This was the first time she had ever really spoken her opinion on the matter to him. It felt.. different. Not normal. She was so used to just going with what he wanted, and it felt odd to stand up for herself.

"No!" She screamed, mostly to herself. She couldn't let him get in her head. She wasn't going to allow him to put this on her. It wasn't her fault. She hadn't done anything wrong. "No.. this isn't my fault. This is all on you." she told him, tears streaming down her face as she turned away from him. She hadn't expected this to go well, but she also hadn't been prepared for how hard this would be. Part of her wanted to do what she always did. Apologize and beg for his forgiveness, craving his attention. No, she was better than that. She had to stay strong.

"Yeah, you come home to me, but that doesn't mean anything at this point." she said, feeling defeated. "Honestly.. whats the point Dmitri? You go out and do this and that with all these girls but you can't even do anything with me.. You don't take me out, you don't compliment me, you don't make me feel loved. You come home and bitch at me. Its always ME thats fucking up because apparently you're just so damn perfect!" She was appalled at the way she had acted. This had never happened before, but she just kept telling herself he had no one to blame but himself. This was his fault.

She tried as hard as she could to push the part of her that wanted to give in to him away, trying to stand her ground. Sitting down at the table, she buried her head in her hands, crying. His silence scared her. Though he hadn't said anything, she knew something was going on in his head. He had a plan of some sort, and she didn't want him to stick around to put it in action. "Just go." she said quietly. She just needed him to leave. If he stayed, he would end up breaking her down.

 

[Dysy]

Something WAS going on in Dmitri’s head, he was deadly silent, with his arms crossed and his eyes glaring at Jayde. He was pissed – peeved, irked, no word in the English dictionary could cover how mad he was at this girl in front of him. He was perfect, this was all for her benefit, and he knew it, it was better she learned with him – she’d grow thick skin, she’d be better off when he up and left her – but here she was, beating him to the punch line.

And Dmitri didn’t find it in the least bit funny.

“See here Jayde.” He was calm again, it was unusual on how Dmitri could turn on and off like a switch – as if his moods were a simple light switch, he could turn at will. A Jekyll and Hyde game if one would put it in such a way. “You can leave me,” he approached her, while most male hearts would break or at least wither at the sound of her crying, Dmitri reached out tugging at her wrist, pulling it away from her face. “Look at me when I talk to you. You’re already trying to get rid of me, now you want to be rude?” He growled in a demanding manner – he demanded her attention, her respect – her. “But you’re nothing, without me. You’re lucky I wasted my time dating you. You know why I went out with those girls? Because they were worth my time.” His words were cruel, but they were honest.

It was as if irony itself had become a tangible form as Dmitri. He was a cruel man, a ruthless, cold hearted lover –but one thing he never was, was a liar. The act of cheating, could easily be considered a lie, but its lie only exists because it is hidden – Dmitri hid none of his acts from Jayde, but rather did them openly in front of her – and allowed her to experience every moment of his devious acts. He never lied about where he was, or who he was with – he just twisted it upon her to take the blame.

“Fine, I’ll leave.” Dmitri muttered, “But I’ll be back later to get my stuff.” The man looked down at Jayde, he wasn’t the one to beg or ask for forgiveness – he wanted none of that, at this point, he didn’t even want Jayde back – what he wanted was his own revenge. Dmitri acted like a child in that sense, because Jayde broke up with him, there was a matter to set straight with that woman. But, Dmitri would take his time, he’d come back the next day for his stuff – amongst other things.

And by stuff, he meant Jayde.

Because really he knew it – Jayde belonged to him.

And he was going to prove it to her.

 

[MadilynShay]

This was already hard enough for her. It was such a terrible feeling having to let him go when he meant so much to her, but the worst part was, it didn't hurt him in any way. Obviously, he was upset. But he was just angry more than anything. It made her realization that he didn't care about her even stronger. She flinched a his touch, looking up at him, her face stained with tears. "I'm sorry." she said quietly, knowing how much he hated it when she did that. No.. she couldn't be sorry, so then why was she? Maybe he was right.. Maybe she was nothing without him. She had no one but herself to blame for that. She had devoted so much of her life to him, and now it was almost like she was dependent.

Her cries soon turned into sobs as she listened to him speak. She pulled her hand away from him, standing up abruptly. How could he be so cruel? "If I wasn't worth your time then why did even bother?!" she screamed, her entire body shaking. She stormed off into her room, slamming the door behind her as she crawled into bed, crying just as hard as before. Was all of it just a lie? Why would he waste so much time in a relationship with her if it was nothing?

That night, Jayde cried herself to sleep. When she woke up the next morning, her head was throbbing, her eyes red and swollen. They filled with tears again as she recalled the events from the previous night, but she quickly wiped them away, trying to compose herself. She couldn't let this consume her. Hoping it would help her relax, she got out of bed and made her way into the bathroom, turning the water on as hot as it could get before stepping it. The water running over her body helped calm her, but it certainly didn't rid her of her problems. After showering, she slipped into her bathrobe and went out to make herself a cup of coffee.

She felt a twinge of pain every time she saw Dmitri's things, scattered throughout the apartment. With a sigh, she grabbed a couple of garbage bags and began to throw his stuff inside of them. She wouldn't be able to face him when he came back. Not yet.
After gathering all of his things and shedding a few tears over them, she took opened her door and set the two garbage bags in the hall way outside of her apartment, locking the door after shutting it. When he came by, he could simply take the bags and leave. That way she wouldn't have to deal with him. It would be much better that way, for her sake.

 

[Dysy]

Dmitri wasn’t an alcoholic.

That didn’t mean he didn’t drink – that meant he didn’t drink to an excess. Well, that wasn’t true Dmitri couldn’t even blame his asshole-ish attitude on alcohol – he always said men with problems drank, and for once – Dmitri drank. Whiskey, B&B, whatever was in his closet that he normally saved for the women he invited or for any company he invited over, was soon consumed by the disgruntled, angry man. Angry and drunk, the normally very clean Dmitri had made a huge mess out of his apartment, bottles and cups were strewn across the floor as if he had had a party the night before. Dmitri didn’t sleep well either, he had managed to fall onto his bed in a heavy heap and curled into a fetal position for the night.

--

In the morning Dmitri woke up with the mother of all hangovers. Gripping his head, the male had literally rolled himself out of bed, and onto the floor, the hard floor being the hardest reality he had faced since last night. Rubbing his temples Dmitri let out a heavy sigh. It wasn’t as if the night before was particularly painful, it was just – extremely out of the ordinary for the male. Stepping out of his comfort zone as the dumpee, Dmitri only frowned heavily as he slid his way towards the bathroom, and slumped over the sink. Bloodshot eyes stared back at Dmitri as he looked at his reflection, tugging at the dark circles the lined the area under his eyes.

“That bitch.”

Dmitri finally spoke, his voice was gruff and raspy as he straightened his posture and smoothed his hair back. “That, fucking bitch!” Dmitri’s fist slammed down upon the sink, and while Dmitri’s hand throbbed, the sink remained untouched as the male hurriedly finished getting ready.

It only took Dmitri a good twenty minutes to get back over to Jayde’s apartment, and soon the male was in front the door, his knuckles rapping angrily against the wood. “Jayde! Open the fucking door! I came to get my stuff!” Today was no except for Dmitri. When they fought, the neighbors always got a free show, and they were going to get one hell of a show this morning.

 

[MadilynShay]

After gathering all of his things and setting them outside her door, Jayde went back inside, and called in sick for work. She couldn't deal with anyone. Not today. Settling down on the couch, she pulled the blanket around her and turned the tv onto the movie channel. That was where she had planned to remain for the rest of the day. She knew that throwing herself a little pity party wasn't going to help. She needed to go out and do something, but she just couldn't find the energy. Sighing, she laid back and tried to focus on the movie.

Two and a half movies later, she had almost forgotten about Dmitri. Almost. As soon as she got up and started moving about, thoughts of him would flood her mind, but for now, her attention was focused on the cheesy comedies she was watching. After some time, a loud and angry knock followed by Dmitri's voice brought her back to reality. The way his voice sounded scared her, as it often did. She didn't even have to see him to know he was far from happy.

She took a deep breath, sitting up in her spot but not actually standing. She wasn't going to open the door. She couldn't. At least thats what she told herself. "Its all in the bags outside the door." she called out to him, her voice sounding so weak in comparison to his. If things went as she had planned, he would just take the bags that were lined up in the hall and leave, but for some reason, she felt as though he was going to make it more difficult than that.