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- Thread starter Vespers
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So, okay, I'll be trying that: A journal, or something. I'm not saying I'll be consistent. I can't be something like that lately. I've tried a blog for like 2 entries, because I was told to make one, haha - really not my kind.
Where to start? I don't know. I'm a living duality. All my life, as a child and teenager, I was someone very stable and consistent. Then I.. discovered the "gray" part of black and white, by going from white to black, and back to white. I can't say anymore. Sometimes it makes me feel wonderfully free to say things such as "I can't be defined". I act according to what happens, my mood, and so many factors influence, that I can't be judged according to the outcome or even my reactions. It's okay, people still judge and I need to get used to it without feeling confined by the fact that they make an opinion quickly.
I've kinda discovered my 'dark' side, and it's been very scary. Never before was I aware of all the things I could do, and how some of them could be very mean. It doesn't mean I did them, but it shocked me that I could. And because I could do more than the usual range of things I usually did, I became unpredictable. I could do more. It changed my routine, really. Talk to strangers, make friends, dare do something although I'm still a very shy person. It came very gradually though. But slowly I stopped being able to do the perfect and calculated actions I used to do. I started losing my composure, my logic in a way.
I discovered trust and what it was to be hurt. Deeply. When you want to die, not because you feel like you don't matter to anyone, but on the opposite, because those who should care don't seem to really do. Because they too, have a dark and sometimes violent side. For many years I've felt disillusioned. Like everything was a lie, and I didn't know why. All the time, what was there all along, filled with a deep meaning and a lot of time passed together, would be destroyed by just one sentenced said with resolve. Like everything could be like that, and could turn from one truth to its complete opposite. It was so scary. I felt like people would make me part of a theater play, without me knowing it. Then I saw The Truman Show, and it kinda felt the same to me. Of course, there are many things that bugged me. Like why would people waste their time to do that? Why would I be so important that people would do that to me? I was no one, it didn't make sense.
At first, having people to talk to was very nice. It started with seldom talks at school, then online friends, and years later, real friends. I liked that people had interest in me, I never thought that was possible in such a genuine way. I was like that, but I always felt so different from the rest of the world that for a long while, I did not try to connect with others. I find it very hard to deal with people because they can be so different and similar at once. You never know when something will be a universe away from the other's view of that thing. But at first, I did not expect anything and was rather glad that I could get along. That I meant something to others, that I could be kind to them and they would thank me and be happy they know me and are my friend. The drama came without me. I swear I did not bring it, but there's one thing I've always been blamed for: I never turned down someone properly enough for them. And for them, it meant that I had to ignore them and be mean or something. Staying friends and telling them I'm not interested was not enough. Somehow, no matter how... special I was, I was also very attractive for some reason. And somehow, 90% or more of my friends were also interested in me in a loving way. Even girls. I will let you imagine the drama, the pressure, the "hating me for no reason other than to try to forget about me" stuff...
When I got sick of it, I left that group of friends. It was all I knew of friendship from high school to college, unfortunately I did live in a small city where it was easy to know everyone. I knew everyone at some point, but I didn't know anyone else. Only a few came to me to stay friends afterwards, and from those, only one or two were truthful. I was ready for a social life but the young adults I met were not. Most of my friends live away.. 2 in Japan, a few in the US, I have a dear cousin 6 hours of driving away, which I see 2 or 3 times a year when I'm lucky. From that time I've made friends, it took most of them 2 years to become not so friendly. So of all the friends I made, not a lot of them lasted more than that.
From then, the meaning of "friend" has changed a lot, but I think I know what it would be now for me. And it would not be a word I could use easily in a day to day conversation. I've known what it was to have real friends, but not anymore. I moved and made "friends" in Montreal, the big nearby city. Meh. I realized everyone have 1- already too many friends 2- not the refinement I have towards wanting to have "true" friends 3- childhood best friends that are more valuable than the other people they know. I miss caring for someone that cares for me too. I miss having someone to tell my troubles, my ranting, someone who would go out and watch a movie with me. But most of all, I HATE to have been the black sheep that everybody rejected.
Why did they have to make me feel so important and part of it if it wasn't true? They shouldn't have made the effort to convince me that I deserved having friends and that they cared. Then, I could've gone my way easily, without thinking about how odd it is that this pattern has happened too many times, without me even noticing before a long while.
I've often tried to know what people thought deeply, and I found it funny how many persons used various words to say they, also, felt different and misunderstood. Somehow it seems I'm just going past the usual definition of being weird, crazy and special.
My father often told me that he felt like Spock (yes my father is a geek
), like he was functioning differently than other humans. He also has tested the other's opinions to see if he could share some things, or keep them for himself. The most hurtful thing is that I was stupid enough to share so much of myself and believe that I was accepted, that refraining myself from doing so is painful. I should start brainwashing myself again like I used to, to stop hoping for crazy things like I could share stuff or mean something special to others, other than love. That some would do anything to keep their friendship with me, because I'm worth it. I've done it for others and I've been patient, I gave time, I gave all my heart, but they went away. I've been loyal to my friends, I've told them they could call me anytime, that they could count on me. How silly was it that none did? That my 'friend' did not even tell me she was not with her boyfriend anymore? That she cried all by herself instead of calling me and asking to go out, or talk, or just hug her? At least 3 very good girl friends I've known have done that to me, even one I've stayed friends with for more than 7 years, and we would talk almost every day! I'm not saying that being by themselves was not the good thing to do, maybe it was, but at some point I would've thought.. that they would want to share and talk to someone. For most of them, I think they did, but not with me because I wasn't close enough, somehow >.>
I too have tested to see how different I was. I too have felt like an alien. I too have thought about leaving the world to itself. I'm feeling sick of trying to connect with people, because most don't give me what I want: something genuine and honest. If you're a good person, fine. If you've got too many friends to talk to me, fine. But just.. don't ask me to be friends with you on Facebook because you want 1000 friends on your account although you'll never reply to my status. Don't ask me if I'm going at that thing too, because you would never do something with me otherwise. It seems like people are so used to using each other that they don't even realize when they're doing it anymore.
I'm not saying everyone's like that, but gosh! Quality people, anyone? Can they exist anywhere else than on fucking internet? It makes me feel even lonelier to see that they exist but live too far and are not lonely anyway.
I'm being desperate because I know when I go back to my own world, people won't be able to reach me. I can make so many interesting stuff by myself. But I'm afraid when I do that, I'll cross the border. I won't have interest in the outer world anymore. It lacks so many things, and I doubt people will ever again try to get me out of my mind. I can make it ideal in here. I won't need anything. I'm not the kind of fool who tries the same thing twice. When my experience has been concluded, I'll go on with what I've been given.
Where to start? I don't know. I'm a living duality. All my life, as a child and teenager, I was someone very stable and consistent. Then I.. discovered the "gray" part of black and white, by going from white to black, and back to white. I can't say anymore. Sometimes it makes me feel wonderfully free to say things such as "I can't be defined". I act according to what happens, my mood, and so many factors influence, that I can't be judged according to the outcome or even my reactions. It's okay, people still judge and I need to get used to it without feeling confined by the fact that they make an opinion quickly.
I've kinda discovered my 'dark' side, and it's been very scary. Never before was I aware of all the things I could do, and how some of them could be very mean. It doesn't mean I did them, but it shocked me that I could. And because I could do more than the usual range of things I usually did, I became unpredictable. I could do more. It changed my routine, really. Talk to strangers, make friends, dare do something although I'm still a very shy person. It came very gradually though. But slowly I stopped being able to do the perfect and calculated actions I used to do. I started losing my composure, my logic in a way.
I discovered trust and what it was to be hurt. Deeply. When you want to die, not because you feel like you don't matter to anyone, but on the opposite, because those who should care don't seem to really do. Because they too, have a dark and sometimes violent side. For many years I've felt disillusioned. Like everything was a lie, and I didn't know why. All the time, what was there all along, filled with a deep meaning and a lot of time passed together, would be destroyed by just one sentenced said with resolve. Like everything could be like that, and could turn from one truth to its complete opposite. It was so scary. I felt like people would make me part of a theater play, without me knowing it. Then I saw The Truman Show, and it kinda felt the same to me. Of course, there are many things that bugged me. Like why would people waste their time to do that? Why would I be so important that people would do that to me? I was no one, it didn't make sense.
At first, having people to talk to was very nice. It started with seldom talks at school, then online friends, and years later, real friends. I liked that people had interest in me, I never thought that was possible in such a genuine way. I was like that, but I always felt so different from the rest of the world that for a long while, I did not try to connect with others. I find it very hard to deal with people because they can be so different and similar at once. You never know when something will be a universe away from the other's view of that thing. But at first, I did not expect anything and was rather glad that I could get along. That I meant something to others, that I could be kind to them and they would thank me and be happy they know me and are my friend. The drama came without me. I swear I did not bring it, but there's one thing I've always been blamed for: I never turned down someone properly enough for them. And for them, it meant that I had to ignore them and be mean or something. Staying friends and telling them I'm not interested was not enough. Somehow, no matter how... special I was, I was also very attractive for some reason. And somehow, 90% or more of my friends were also interested in me in a loving way. Even girls. I will let you imagine the drama, the pressure, the "hating me for no reason other than to try to forget about me" stuff...
When I got sick of it, I left that group of friends. It was all I knew of friendship from high school to college, unfortunately I did live in a small city where it was easy to know everyone. I knew everyone at some point, but I didn't know anyone else. Only a few came to me to stay friends afterwards, and from those, only one or two were truthful. I was ready for a social life but the young adults I met were not. Most of my friends live away.. 2 in Japan, a few in the US, I have a dear cousin 6 hours of driving away, which I see 2 or 3 times a year when I'm lucky. From that time I've made friends, it took most of them 2 years to become not so friendly. So of all the friends I made, not a lot of them lasted more than that.
From then, the meaning of "friend" has changed a lot, but I think I know what it would be now for me. And it would not be a word I could use easily in a day to day conversation. I've known what it was to have real friends, but not anymore. I moved and made "friends" in Montreal, the big nearby city. Meh. I realized everyone have 1- already too many friends 2- not the refinement I have towards wanting to have "true" friends 3- childhood best friends that are more valuable than the other people they know. I miss caring for someone that cares for me too. I miss having someone to tell my troubles, my ranting, someone who would go out and watch a movie with me. But most of all, I HATE to have been the black sheep that everybody rejected.
Why did they have to make me feel so important and part of it if it wasn't true? They shouldn't have made the effort to convince me that I deserved having friends and that they cared. Then, I could've gone my way easily, without thinking about how odd it is that this pattern has happened too many times, without me even noticing before a long while.
I've often tried to know what people thought deeply, and I found it funny how many persons used various words to say they, also, felt different and misunderstood. Somehow it seems I'm just going past the usual definition of being weird, crazy and special.
My father often told me that he felt like Spock (yes my father is a geek
), like he was functioning differently than other humans. He also has tested the other's opinions to see if he could share some things, or keep them for himself. The most hurtful thing is that I was stupid enough to share so much of myself and believe that I was accepted, that refraining myself from doing so is painful. I should start brainwashing myself again like I used to, to stop hoping for crazy things like I could share stuff or mean something special to others, other than love. That some would do anything to keep their friendship with me, because I'm worth it. I've done it for others and I've been patient, I gave time, I gave all my heart, but they went away. I've been loyal to my friends, I've told them they could call me anytime, that they could count on me. How silly was it that none did? That my 'friend' did not even tell me she was not with her boyfriend anymore? That she cried all by herself instead of calling me and asking to go out, or talk, or just hug her? At least 3 very good girl friends I've known have done that to me, even one I've stayed friends with for more than 7 years, and we would talk almost every day! I'm not saying that being by themselves was not the good thing to do, maybe it was, but at some point I would've thought.. that they would want to share and talk to someone. For most of them, I think they did, but not with me because I wasn't close enough, somehow >.>I too have tested to see how different I was. I too have felt like an alien. I too have thought about leaving the world to itself. I'm feeling sick of trying to connect with people, because most don't give me what I want: something genuine and honest. If you're a good person, fine. If you've got too many friends to talk to me, fine. But just.. don't ask me to be friends with you on Facebook because you want 1000 friends on your account although you'll never reply to my status. Don't ask me if I'm going at that thing too, because you would never do something with me otherwise. It seems like people are so used to using each other that they don't even realize when they're doing it anymore.
I'm not saying everyone's like that, but gosh! Quality people, anyone? Can they exist anywhere else than on fucking internet? It makes me feel even lonelier to see that they exist but live too far and are not lonely anyway.
I'm being desperate because I know when I go back to my own world, people won't be able to reach me. I can make so many interesting stuff by myself. But I'm afraid when I do that, I'll cross the border. I won't have interest in the outer world anymore. It lacks so many things, and I doubt people will ever again try to get me out of my mind. I can make it ideal in here. I won't need anything. I'm not the kind of fool who tries the same thing twice. When my experience has been concluded, I'll go on with what I've been given.
Ok, if anyone tells me something like I'm too difficult, consider this good example:
I've never had one lasting RP. (RP could be like friendships) I've always had just the teasing part of a possible RP that never occurred. Or a RP that didn't last because people were too busy with anything else. Or someone that wasn't there often enough to post.
I know I'm being difficult, but most people that are too busy are also busy with other more important people. Like best friends or something. If I can't make it to a point that I'm important enough that they want to spend time with me, then what the heck? I can tell myself all my life that I have friends but never spend time with them. However that means that they've chosen to spend time with others. Think about it, all you have is time. All you have is what you chose to do with that time. If I'm not worthy of this, then what am I? I'm not even part of their life. It's not like their Facebook or MSN status would not tell me where they are at, partying and spending time with.
Where's the difficult and illogical thing in this? I want to have a friend that will spend time with me. Or is everyone having 200 friends and counting and cannot afford to spend quality time with either of them?
I've never had one lasting RP. (RP could be like friendships) I've always had just the teasing part of a possible RP that never occurred. Or a RP that didn't last because people were too busy with anything else. Or someone that wasn't there often enough to post.
I know I'm being difficult, but most people that are too busy are also busy with other more important people. Like best friends or something. If I can't make it to a point that I'm important enough that they want to spend time with me, then what the heck? I can tell myself all my life that I have friends but never spend time with them. However that means that they've chosen to spend time with others. Think about it, all you have is time. All you have is what you chose to do with that time. If I'm not worthy of this, then what am I? I'm not even part of their life. It's not like their Facebook or MSN status would not tell me where they are at, partying and spending time with.
Where's the difficult and illogical thing in this? I want to have a friend that will spend time with me. Or is everyone having 200 friends and counting and cannot afford to spend quality time with either of them?
I need a place to whine, so I thought that was the place.
My gums hurt. My head, my ear, my tonsil, my mouth hurt. I can't sleep properly. I can't swallow without hurting. I can't mouthwash but I need to, but damn alcohol, salt, acid, everything hurts. Been having new ulcers in my mouth just because the of the inflammation, my saliva is getting acid, my teeth are cutting the inside of my mouth because it's swollen. Sometimes my legs are weird, they're kinda numb and I need to move them a lot, although I'm just standing. If I bend down, I get dizzy and my neck hurts. The pain manages to go away sometimes when I'm asleep, but it gets even more vivid by contrast when I wake up. It's so sharp that I can't stand it lasting for so long without pause.
There are so many other kinds of pain or locations I would less mind having in pain than in my fucking mouth >.<
The worse in that, is that I probably caught germs/microbe/virus/whatever because I got to sleep with my mouth open. I've never done that in my entire life. I've only learned to do so in the past weeks cause another tenant smokes tobacco although he's not supposed to do so in his apartment, and it travels through the vents to my place. The thing is that I have asthma and I'm very sensitive to that kind of smoke. Even my bf has a hard time standing it and we have to buy a lot of facial tissues, we blow our noses all the time, I almost always have cuts inside my nose from blowing it too often and cuts on the outside too. It feels like I've become even more sensitive ever since. Any night that it's too cold to open the window (and hear me, too cold is like 32F/0C) I have a hard time breathing, not sneezing, sleeping well... All because of that old jerk who's not supposed to smoke and kills our health because of that. In August, he'll be gone, but until then... He doesn't listen to our landlord whom we asked to do something about it. Last apartment I lived in, there was mildew in it. Ever since I'm not living in my parent's house, I've been utterly sick. I'm usually sick within 2 weeks and it lasts for a week at least. It's almost getting part of my routine. I'm so tired of living that way, my health is getting weaker because I'm someone who needs a good sleep (I know some people don't) and to breathe well, which I usually have a hard time doing even in normal conditions. In the past 2 years I've seen myself change a lot, physically speaking and health-wise, and I really don't like what I'm seeing and what I've witnessed.
My gums hurt. My head, my ear, my tonsil, my mouth hurt. I can't sleep properly. I can't swallow without hurting. I can't mouthwash but I need to, but damn alcohol, salt, acid, everything hurts. Been having new ulcers in my mouth just because the of the inflammation, my saliva is getting acid, my teeth are cutting the inside of my mouth because it's swollen. Sometimes my legs are weird, they're kinda numb and I need to move them a lot, although I'm just standing. If I bend down, I get dizzy and my neck hurts. The pain manages to go away sometimes when I'm asleep, but it gets even more vivid by contrast when I wake up. It's so sharp that I can't stand it lasting for so long without pause.
There are so many other kinds of pain or locations I would less mind having in pain than in my fucking mouth >.<
The worse in that, is that I probably caught germs/microbe/virus/whatever because I got to sleep with my mouth open. I've never done that in my entire life. I've only learned to do so in the past weeks cause another tenant smokes tobacco although he's not supposed to do so in his apartment, and it travels through the vents to my place. The thing is that I have asthma and I'm very sensitive to that kind of smoke. Even my bf has a hard time standing it and we have to buy a lot of facial tissues, we blow our noses all the time, I almost always have cuts inside my nose from blowing it too often and cuts on the outside too. It feels like I've become even more sensitive ever since. Any night that it's too cold to open the window (and hear me, too cold is like 32F/0C) I have a hard time breathing, not sneezing, sleeping well... All because of that old jerk who's not supposed to smoke and kills our health because of that. In August, he'll be gone, but until then... He doesn't listen to our landlord whom we asked to do something about it. Last apartment I lived in, there was mildew in it. Ever since I'm not living in my parent's house, I've been utterly sick. I'm usually sick within 2 weeks and it lasts for a week at least. It's almost getting part of my routine. I'm so tired of living that way, my health is getting weaker because I'm someone who needs a good sleep (I know some people don't) and to breathe well, which I usually have a hard time doing even in normal conditions. In the past 2 years I've seen myself change a lot, physically speaking and health-wise, and I really don't like what I'm seeing and what I've witnessed.
Raziel99
Pulsar
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2009
I'm pretty sure that the Landlord can evict them for not following their rules.
But Get better soon. I'm allergic to Cigarette smoke, and I know how bad that can get. It knocked me on my ass for a week being around it for a hour. So I hope the Doctor can help you out.
But Get better soon. I'm allergic to Cigarette smoke, and I know how bad that can get. It knocked me on my ass for a week being around it for a hour. So I hope the Doctor can help you out.
xWickedBlackLace
Star
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2010
Cigarette smoke? Psh. Try grass. When you're allergic to grass, and it's everywhere, it pretty much sucks.
Take it easy Vespers. Vitamin C and Echinachea.
Take it easy Vespers. Vitamin C and Echinachea.
Yeah I've heard of being allergic to grass, that sucks. *hugs*
I'll try to have a paper from the doctor saying that I can't live with tobacco smoke. I'll give that to my landlords and hopefully... it'll change something.
Thank you for reminding me :3 (twice!) I'll go buy echinacea after going to the clinic. (I have vitamin C here ^^ and an orange, but its too acid for my wounds) I've loss all I've ate yesterday and today :/ Not that it's much, but that I couldn't get that energy and that I'm still nauseous sucks :/
Been enjoying the Sun and doing qi gong breathing exercises, it might help too.
Thanks for your support <3 It's very appreciated ^^
I'll try to have a paper from the doctor saying that I can't live with tobacco smoke. I'll give that to my landlords and hopefully... it'll change something.
Thank you for reminding me :3 (twice!
) I'll go buy echinacea after going to the clinic. (I have vitamin C here ^^ and an orange, but its too acid for my wounds) I've loss all I've ate yesterday and today :/ Not that it's much, but that I couldn't get that energy and that I'm still nauseous sucks :/Been enjoying the Sun and doing qi gong breathing exercises, it might help too.
Thanks for your support <3 It's very appreciated ^^
xWickedBlackLace
Star
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2010
lol@ Raz. You're pretty funny like that. :3
Vespy; Let me know how it works out, alright? Keep up the breathing exercises and keep us updated on your status.
Vespy; Let me know how it works out, alright? Keep up the breathing exercises and keep us updated on your status.
It's getting worse, but I'll know if it works in 24 hours. I was told to wait 48 hours to see any amelioration. I'm taking something like penicillin, but without secondary effects. Not even being high, which I a way I wish I was, because the pills against pain don't work. I've been in serious mouth pain for 3-4 days now. I try to eat against my will cause it hurts so much meanwhile and after. I made jello today and ate a bit of yogurt. Otherwise, I sleep or read in the bed. I didn't go to the computer since last time, I'm not really interested in it anymore, I just want to lay down. Seems like my mind thinks slowly and not a lot, I feel a bit dumb. Sometimes the pain is so sharp and lasts for so long that it almost feels like it wasn't that bad, as if I finally got used to it. But it comes back always too quickly ^^''
Don't know what else to say. I just want the pain to end. I'll have to ask the drugstore's pharmacist if he knows anything I can buy that works better than what the doctor gave me.
Don't know what else to say. I just want the pain to end. I'll have to ask the drugstore's pharmacist if he knows anything I can buy that works better than what the doctor gave me.
DareToDream
Pulsar
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2009
- Location
- East Coast of U.S.
If you're on antibiotics, it will definitely take about 48 hours to kick in, possibly even 72 to see noticeable difference if you're that bad off. Hang in there. The meds will catch up and get ahead of whatever it is that's causing the sores.
Thanks It'll be 48 hours at 6 PM today when I take the meds. Hoping it'll change something soon.
On the bright side, my brothers visited me and installed a monitor so I can play Mass Effect 2 in my bedroom Kinda helps to distract. This also means I can watch movies if I want with the DVD player.
Also, I went to the drugstore to ask for more powerful meds against the pain. The pharmacist was sooo nice! She must've seen I was in pain, cause she gave them to me for free. It's a derived product of morphine, but it's still not strong enough to kill most of the pain. But it soothes a bit and it's doing enough. I blame my resistant system for this, once I take something I get quickly immuned to it.
My parents are coming today. They both did medecine classes but did not end their studies. I'm expecting them to tell me in in bad shape and observe me like I'm a weird specimen. I'm very happy to have company and see them, but I just don't look forward to that part. I hope they won't tell me something like it's getting too bad and to go to the hospital. Clearly, if I can heal at home it'll be WAAAAYYY more comfy in every way.
Cheers
<3
It'll be 48 hours at 6 PM today when I take the meds. Hoping it'll change something soon.On the bright side, my brothers visited me and installed a monitor so I can play Mass Effect 2 in my bedroom
Kinda helps to distract. This also means I can watch movies if I want with the DVD player.Also, I went to the drugstore to ask for more powerful meds against the pain. The pharmacist was sooo nice! She must've seen I was in pain, cause she gave them to me for free. It's a derived product of morphine, but it's still not strong enough to kill most of the pain. But it soothes a bit and it's doing enough. I blame my resistant system for this, once I take something I get quickly immuned to it.
My parents are coming today. They both did medecine classes but did not end their studies. I'm expecting them to tell me in in bad shape and observe me like I'm a weird specimen. I'm very happy to have company and see them, but I just don't look forward to that part. I hope they won't tell me something like it's getting too bad and to go to the hospital. Clearly, if I can heal at home it'll be WAAAAYYY more comfy in every way.
Cheers
<3
I've got ulcers all along the thin line on my lips that seperates the 'inside' texture from the outside one. Someone that looks inside my mouth wouldn't like it, it's developed very quickly too, most things appeared from thursday to friday (yesterday). It evolves quickly once it already looks bad, but it takes a damn while before it actually starts to look bad. Even on wednesday and most part of thursday, I didn't have much of a clue besides that my gums started hurting and my tonsil was swollen.
My tonsil started getting swollen on sunday, and I mouth washed like I was told.
Monday was almost the same.
On tuesday, it's during dinner that it seemed to start hurting really. I tried to contact my parents but it didn't seem to be all that bad judging from what I read about it. I was a bit tired and thought I was fighting the worst of it (my swollen tonsil only). At that time I only had one ulcer on my lip.
I was alerted on wednesday because that's when my gums hurt even when I was not eating. Having swollen gums with a swollen tonsil seemed a bit logical since they're near and I've read it occurred. I tried contacting my family after I woke up really late and realized it wasn't worth buying bus tickets and waiting on hospital chairs in the emergency room all night. I felt a few ulcers in my cheek but it wasn't that bad.
Thursday, I took an appointment at the clinic, didn't wait too long (1:30-2 hours) and got home, took my first pills at 6 PM. It hurt really bad when I was there waiting. Sleeping began to be tricky because I had to take care of my tonsil not to squeeze it too much and my now swollen cheek that would push on my teeth, the ulcers had started to spread on my bottom lip and one bastard between my two rows of teeth, getting squeezed when I close my mouth. I also started not being able to open my mouth that much during the evening. Everything progressed into a matter of a couple of hours. During that day I started to resign myself not to eat that much because anything consistent was impossible to eat, I even tried gum and I couldn't chew. I bought some yogurt and jello on that day. Oh and got sick 3 times too, I think it was because of the amount of salt I used to wash my mouth and the baking soda I used on my ulcers. Seemed afterwards that I felt sick anytime I would taste salt, so I decided to mouthwash a little less until I could not get sick and eat at least a little.
Friday, I was exhausted of my night because I couldn't sleep and the painkillers didn't work. I did my best and took care of myself, felt the pain like I described on the other posts, like it was so mentally tiring after maybe 3 full days of hurting and it was at its peek. Had my share of fevers too but I don't remember when they started exactly. I was cold sensitive during the day, which I normally am. But at night I would sweat a lot and that's the more abnormal part.. although I can't tell if it started on tuesday or wednesday.. There's always a part when it feels better, like I'm doing better and try to drink a lot and such, but eventually it gets worse, I have a hard time opening my mouth and it hurts a lot. My tongue started hurting a lot too, I have like.. pimples or whatever on it. The shape is not straight like usual and it's becoming grayish in color. I even called a service here that allows me to talk to a nurse and although I told her about all those alarming sings that even some of them developed after I've seen the doctor, she told me to take the meds and wait. Gave me a few advices in to eating. Especially when I sleep, I can't drink as much and I feel the infection starting to spread back again. I think my first tactic of sleeping 1-2 hours, being awake 1-2 hours and so on was better, but I'm starting to feel more awake now and don't sleep as much during the day. There's a lot of up and downs in one day, I hope to see a real progress in the next days. I got the not-so-bad painkillers and the first pill I took had the best effect, I almost felt good from being freed from the heavy pain. It came back and I have to wait 6 hours between each time I take them. When I did at night, I took 2 and still had a hard time sleeping, but eventually did. (Oh and I didn't mention the pills are supposed to make me drowsy)
Saturday, today, I took the painkillers again 1 hour ago and I'm doing fine, I hope it'll last a good while. Usually it's the last 2 hours before I can take more that are the hardest. I can feel the infection in the taste of my mouth and I hope it'll go. The ulcers on my lips seem to be close to being done soon, so I hope they'll be gone because they are giving me a hard time to drink.
See how the evolution got quickly? I can't believe it myself. Anyway, I go back to taking care of myself.
My tonsil started getting swollen on sunday, and I mouth washed like I was told.
Monday was almost the same.
On tuesday, it's during dinner that it seemed to start hurting really. I tried to contact my parents but it didn't seem to be all that bad judging from what I read about it. I was a bit tired and thought I was fighting the worst of it (my swollen tonsil only). At that time I only had one ulcer on my lip.
I was alerted on wednesday because that's when my gums hurt even when I was not eating. Having swollen gums with a swollen tonsil seemed a bit logical since they're near and I've read it occurred. I tried contacting my family after I woke up really late and realized it wasn't worth buying bus tickets and waiting on hospital chairs in the emergency room all night. I felt a few ulcers in my cheek but it wasn't that bad.
Thursday, I took an appointment at the clinic, didn't wait too long (1:30-2 hours) and got home, took my first pills at 6 PM. It hurt really bad when I was there waiting. Sleeping began to be tricky because I had to take care of my tonsil not to squeeze it too much and my now swollen cheek that would push on my teeth, the ulcers had started to spread on my bottom lip and one bastard between my two rows of teeth, getting squeezed when I close my mouth. I also started not being able to open my mouth that much during the evening. Everything progressed into a matter of a couple of hours. During that day I started to resign myself not to eat that much because anything consistent was impossible to eat, I even tried gum and I couldn't chew. I bought some yogurt and jello on that day. Oh and got sick 3 times too, I think it was because of the amount of salt I used to wash my mouth and the baking soda I used on my ulcers. Seemed afterwards that I felt sick anytime I would taste salt, so I decided to mouthwash a little less until I could not get sick and eat at least a little.
Friday, I was exhausted of my night because I couldn't sleep and the painkillers didn't work. I did my best and took care of myself, felt the pain like I described on the other posts, like it was so mentally tiring after maybe 3 full days of hurting and it was at its peek. Had my share of fevers too but I don't remember when they started exactly. I was cold sensitive during the day, which I normally am. But at night I would sweat a lot and that's the more abnormal part.. although I can't tell if it started on tuesday or wednesday.. There's always a part when it feels better, like I'm doing better and try to drink a lot and such, but eventually it gets worse, I have a hard time opening my mouth and it hurts a lot. My tongue started hurting a lot too, I have like.. pimples or whatever on it. The shape is not straight like usual and it's becoming grayish in color. I even called a service here that allows me to talk to a nurse and although I told her about all those alarming sings that even some of them developed after I've seen the doctor, she told me to take the meds and wait. Gave me a few advices in to eating. Especially when I sleep, I can't drink as much and I feel the infection starting to spread back again. I think my first tactic of sleeping 1-2 hours, being awake 1-2 hours and so on was better, but I'm starting to feel more awake now and don't sleep as much during the day. There's a lot of up and downs in one day, I hope to see a real progress in the next days. I got the not-so-bad painkillers and the first pill I took had the best effect, I almost felt good from being freed from the heavy pain. It came back and I have to wait 6 hours between each time I take them. When I did at night, I took 2 and still had a hard time sleeping, but eventually did. (Oh and I didn't mention the pills are supposed to make me drowsy)
Saturday, today, I took the painkillers again 1 hour ago and I'm doing fine, I hope it'll last a good while. Usually it's the last 2 hours before I can take more that are the hardest. I can feel the infection in the taste of my mouth and I hope it'll go. The ulcers on my lips seem to be close to being done soon, so I hope they'll be gone because they are giving me a hard time to drink.
See how the evolution got quickly? I can't believe it myself. Anyway, I go back to taking care of myself.
I'm over the swollen tonsil thing, although my tonsil still is swollen, the rest is okay now.
Been rambling about that "friends wtf?" thing enough, I think I'm finally over it, phew!
Been practicing on the keyboard a lot lately, tried to play on a real piano once and I sucked!! Wow it's so different and hard, can't believe it. Although I would like to try playing on a piano more often.
I'm still taking care of the apartment, can't wait till it's done. Not only finishing the boxes but also having curtains on every window and shelves and all. And soon it'll be the A/C... I've no idea what I should do about it, how I'm supposed to block the rest of the window from flies and stuff. So much work to do, so many things to buy, arrgh. It keeps me from focusing on my work.
It's a very hot and early summer here. It's already nearing the 40 Celsius (104 F) and we're in May! It can be rare, too, in Quebec the temperature doesn't usually go over 35 C (95 F) during the hottest days. Oh well, at least I'll have all reasons to go out in light dresses and short clothes. I don't really like wearing coats and stuff all year long, but here.. let's say that winter IS long, usually. People here say we have 4 seasons : Winter, winter, winter and summer Not that it's always true, especially with the global warming shit but yeah.
I'm not sure what I'll do in September once I stop receiving the employment insurance benefits, I hope I can find a decent job. I'm still wondering how the business I want to start is going to work. If I'm lucky in a year I can take the employment insurance again and have some spare time to work more on the project. If I find a job that pays well, I'll be able to work part-time and have some time for my business, it would rock. Sometimes I feel like it's going nowhere, sometimes I don't know what I should be doing and if I'm wasting time. I think it must be the hardest part. You start a business because you want to do something, but all the time you spend searching, looking, not doing what you actually wanted to do, you feel lost. Procedures are long, resources are hidden, there here but hard to find, no one responds to your demands when you call or get there in person to be answered.
Anyway, I'm not even sure people actually pay attention to this journal. Never really written one before, not sure I do enjoy it either. I haven't been reading myself over either. But I said I'd try and see what it does to me, if it helps somehow.
Been rambling about that "friends wtf?" thing enough, I think I'm finally over it, phew!
Been practicing on the keyboard a lot lately, tried to play on a real piano once and I sucked!! Wow it's so different and hard, can't believe it. Although I would like to try playing on a piano more often.
I'm still taking care of the apartment, can't wait till it's done. Not only finishing the boxes but also having curtains on every window and shelves and all. And soon it'll be the A/C... I've no idea what I should do about it, how I'm supposed to block the rest of the window from flies and stuff. So much work to do, so many things to buy, arrgh. It keeps me from focusing on my work.
It's a very hot and early summer here. It's already nearing the 40 Celsius (104 F) and we're in May! It can be rare, too, in Quebec the temperature doesn't usually go over 35 C (95 F) during the hottest days. Oh well, at least I'll have all reasons to go out in light dresses and short clothes. I don't really like wearing coats and stuff all year long, but here.. let's say that winter IS long, usually. People here say we have 4 seasons : Winter, winter, winter and summer
Not that it's always true, especially with the global warming shit but yeah.I'm not sure what I'll do in September once I stop receiving the employment insurance benefits, I hope I can find a decent job. I'm still wondering how the business I want to start is going to work. If I'm lucky in a year I can take the employment insurance again and have some spare time to work more on the project. If I find a job that pays well, I'll be able to work part-time and have some time for my business, it would rock. Sometimes I feel like it's going nowhere, sometimes I don't know what I should be doing and if I'm wasting time. I think it must be the hardest part. You start a business because you want to do something, but all the time you spend searching, looking, not doing what you actually wanted to do, you feel lost. Procedures are long, resources are hidden, there here but hard to find, no one responds to your demands when you call or get there in person to be answered.
Anyway, I'm not even sure people actually pay attention to this journal. Never really written one before, not sure I do enjoy it either. I haven't been reading myself over either. But I said I'd try and see what it does to me, if it helps somehow.
Mr Master
Pulsar
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2009
The hardware store ought to sell these lengths of foam strips, they're like long rectangles of squishy foam. What you do is, you put the AC in the window, and you cut the foam strips into appropriate lenghts to plug the holes, whether it's around the edges of the AC unit (try and minimize those as much as possible with solid things, and use the foam on the gaps) or the opening at the top of the raised portion of the window.
You take the length of foam and you squish it into the gap, and it will expand to block the opening. You don't need it air-tight, you just need it so the air doesn't exchange quickly, to keep the heat (and most bugs) out and the cool in. This will do that for you.
They also sell foamy tape to seal up doors and other windows, etc, but that's mostly useful when things are solidly shut. For this kind of gap, you'll need the rectangle stuff.
That's the one part of your problems I can offer advice on.
You take the length of foam and you squish it into the gap, and it will expand to block the opening. You don't need it air-tight, you just need it so the air doesn't exchange quickly, to keep the heat (and most bugs) out and the cool in. This will do that for you.
They also sell foamy tape to seal up doors and other windows, etc, but that's mostly useful when things are solidly shut. For this kind of gap, you'll need the rectangle stuff.
That's the one part of your problems I can offer advice on.