A Shadow's Journal

[Solvaris]

I've been on this website for a little more than 2 weeks now, and I've already met a variety of different people. I've run into a person for each problem that's always mentioned in other people's threads. One who has poor grammar and literacy. One who does 1 or 2 sentence posts. And a couple that just don't post very often. But here's the interesting part: For the most part, they didn't find me. I found them. I made a thread in Introductions and a thread in Requests made by Males, and I've had almost no one interested. I've made a list of my kinks in my Rabbit Hole and put that in my signature, but it hasn't helped. The people I've been doing role-plays with are people who got a pm from me or a post on their thread by me. Putting in so much effort is draining.

Maybe its because my kinks aren't the most common. Incest has its own huge section. Furry has its own huge section. But for me and my breast expansion, its hard to find any takers. I think most girls aren't interested because its weird, or they just think that realistically it would hurt a lot. Its definitely more of a guy thing, and I'm NOT interested in role-playing with other guys. That grosses me out.

So, all-in-all, this website is just like any other. Its only interesting if you make it interesting and put in the effort.

 

[Solvaris]

I'm trying to role-play with 20 different people. I only have about 5 or 6 of them responding at least once a day to every other day. The others just randomly stop messaging me when we haven't even started our role-play, or some right in the middle of the action. Its getting really annoying. I wait maybe...5 or 6 days for their replies and then I send a pm asking if they've forgotten about me. Of course, I always look at when they've last logged on and checking if they've read my messages before I send them a reminder. So I feel I'm being patient enough. I think if it takes too long for them to respond to my reminders I'll just forget about role-playing with them. Its rude, and I don't care to role-play with idiots.

 

[Solvaris]

I'm starting to get a little heart-sick. I live on an island in Alaska with no friends and no girlfriend. Its summer time, so I'm starting to see more girls with low-cut shirts and such, and it just makes me...depressed afterwards. I'm pretty introverted, but I'm still trying to make friends...they're just too busy or too involved in their own lives to include one more person. I don't get it. Luckily, I'm one of the few people with a functional family. My siblings have always been my closest friends. Our family actually likes to hang out with one another. But...how long can that really sustain me? I need friendship and love that goes beyond the kind offered by my family. I need a woman...

 

[Solvaris]

I'm slacking on my responses lately. This is due to two reasons. 1. I have found an addicting game on facebook called Berserk the Cataclysm. Its a strategic card game much like the game called Warstorm that was taken off of facebook because it wasn't popular enough or had too many glitches or whatever. I was addicted to Warstorm, so its refreshing to have a game similar to it again. 2. I'm starting to talk to a girl over the phone every night. She's a good friend, and she wants to be more than friends. I love her personality and we have a lot in common, but I don't find her attractive. I've told her as much because honesty is one of my highest values. She's about to be homeless, and I have the money to help her, but its not an easy choice to make. Its not really a good time to bring her up here because I'm living with my family and they're planning on moving back to Utah soon. I have some hope that I'll find a cheap apartment and bring her up to live with me, but I might just have to move back to Utah with my family and let her find her own feet.

So I'm sorry to all of those who have been waiting for me to reply to them. I've been finding other things to do with my spare time. As addicted as I am to these role-plays, I have a life, and that comes first.

 

[Solvaris]

I think its kinda funny that this journal I've created has been viewed so many times. Maybe the title sounds interesting... Anyway, today's another day I'm feeling depressed and lonely. But...after thinking about it, I don't really have a right to feel this way. I've got a nice, caring family, I've got a couple friends here and there. I've got a job. I've got almost a thousand dollars in my account right now. ($600 is going to rent at the start of next month, but that still leaves a good deal of spending money) My life could be a LOT worse...but I just can't seem to be grateful for what I have. I've always had a caring family. I've always had one or two friends. I just have this feeling I'm supposed to have more. About 5 years ago, I decided I would actively look for a steady girlfriend and I never found one. It was my only real future goal. I was ready to change myself according to what she wanted. Not in any major way, but little things like a new haircut or going to the gym regularly. I know how to treat a woman because I grew up with 4 older sisters. I was ready for my life to include a significant other. 5 years...I've been waiting for this big change for 5 years....I've finally accepted its not just going to happen because I feel ready for it. I haven't given up hope that I'll find that special someone, but I've given up on trying to find her...its just starting to hurt too much. There's going to be more days where I feel the same as I have today...a lot more.

 

[Solvaris]

I haven't been getting online much lately because I've been depressed and I needed some instant gratification rather than negotiating terms and playing out a story. I've been getting on Facebook to play games and chat with friends, and when I'm not doing that I'm either working, hanging out with friends or family, or watching episodes of House. There have been some people that I've been excited to get on Bluemoon and role-play with though.

I've noticed something odd about two of them, and it could just be an amazing coincidence. A user by the name of Anaeria role-played with me, and our role-play went on for quite some time. She would get on just about everyday, and then she stopped coming online. We didn't even get to finish our role-play. Then, after a while, another user by the name of Yoshie comments on my thread saying we should talk. She tells me in pm that she's interested in me based on what I said in my request thread. "I just plain old like you." We talk about a role-play, we agree on one, she starts it, and then she disappears too. She had also been coming online just about everyday. But here's the coincidence: Anaeria joined Bluemoon on 3-14-2012 and stopped coming online on 8-14-2012 and Yoshie joined on 1-13-2010 and stopped coming online on 9-13-2012. Anaeria stopped exactly 5 months after joining, and Yoshie stopped exactly 2 years and 8 months after joining.

So they stop the same calender day as they started; Anaeria on the 14th. and Yoshie on the 13th. Here's another coincidence: Both of them have their location set as "In your closet." They have subtle differences. Anaeria's says "In your closet, scaring your boogeyman xD" and Yoshie's just says "...In your closet." Yoshie has a bio and Anaeria doesn't. Here's coincidence number 3. Yoshie's picture is a sexy woman, while Anaeria's is a baby tiger, BUT, in Yoshie's bio she says she loves cute and cuddly things.

So here's a theory. These users are the same woman. Yoshie is her main account. Every 13th, she stops role-playing on her main account and gets on a different one on the 14th. Anaeria is one of her accounts. And right now, she's on another account I don't know about.

Second theory. These are two separate women, they have similar user CP's, and Yoshie will actually be coming back online soon.

 

[Solvaris]

My second theory was correct. Yoshie came back, and after reading my journal as I asked, she told me that she only has this one account. But if she really had multiple accounts, would she really tell me about them so easily? I'm not saying I think she's lying, I'm just pointing out that one can always be keeping secrets. I usually take people for their word. Its better to be trusting than paranoid. If its important, then you can keep one foot out the door until you have proof, but for small things like this, just believe what people say.

 

[Solvaris]

I'm back on blue moon for...I don't know how long. Probably until I get another job. This place is the same as always. No one responds to my request thread. You'd think there'd be some women out there who like to do roleplays with breast expansion, but I can't seem to find any. Either they're lazy and just want people to look at their request threads, or they just don't come to this site. I guess another reason is that they're so busy doing roleplays with other guys that like breast expansion that they don't go looking for more partners. I don't know... Anyway, I'm still viewing women's request threads to find suitable roleplay partners. I find the occasional thread saying that they're "into pretty much everything." And I send a pm asking if they'd do breast expansion. About 25% of the people I ask say they'll try it. So I guess that's good enough. But it'll be all too easy to quit this site again.

 

[Solvaris]

I put down in my original request thread that I don't want guys playing as women. I just think it would be nasty to find out that I was playing with another guy over the internet. So when I create another thread with a craving I'm having, and someone tells me they are definitely interested in doing my roleplay, but their profile on blue moon and on their kink list says that their gender is undisclosed...I get suspicious. This person has a request thread in both the female section and the male section. Maybe I'm making too big a fuss out of it. It could be a woman who is just trying to get males and females to roleplay with her. But its still too creepy to think its a guy who will roleplay with anyone who can turn him on. I've sent him/her a pm with my thoughts and asking if he's a he or she's a she. We'll find out soon enough. : /

 

[Solvaris]

In my last entry, I mentioned a person who had their gender undisclosed. That person turned out to be a guy. When he admitted this to me, I was disgusted enough to tell him that I didn't want to roleplay with him. A few days later I thought to myself that there's no way I could be sure all of my partners were women, even if they say they are on their profiles and threads. I decided that I'd give this guy a shot and roleplay with him anyway. But when we started, it was obvious that he wasn't a very good writer, so I ended up not roleplaying with him anyway. I'm still kind of grossed out for giving him a chance. I wonder how the rest of blue moon would feel in this instance. Should I value good writing from males and females? Or am I right in thinking that since I'm straight its disgusting to roleplay with another guy even if he plays a female character?

 

[Solvaris]

As I said before in other posts, I've had a hard time finding partners on this site. I made 4 different request threads in Requests made by Males. Apparently I'm only allowed to have 2. Oops. But now I'm getting more people interested in my remaining 2 threads, and I'm even trying to work out a roleplay with the admin that told me I had too many threads open. I usually play a submissive character in my roleplays, so it wouldn't surprise you to know that trying to do a roleplay with an admin kinda fascinates me. I don't know how much power she has, but she could have the power to kick me off the website if she wanted. A woman having that kind of control...I had to ask her if she wanted to roleplay. lol