Fetish Relationship Advice

[Batvan Vaiych]

Hello everyone! so as i know you arent aware, im a 20yr old male in a happy committed heterosexual relationship.. Now the nitty gritty:

both my girlfriend and i are S&M novices, however interested and willing to learn. The tricky part is that i see myself as more of a submissive, and although i dont mind taking control and reversing the role- she has a hard time being the dominant, and really only likes being the submissive (i dont mind, as long as im good at it- ill get over it lol) the heart of my debacle is: i enjoy pleasing my woman -as any man should- and she has a rape fantasy... this isnt something im used to and considering im not 100% comfortable being the dominant, i have trouble taking control like that.

So do our kink experts here have any input for a young fetish in the making? we practice the usuals like biting, scratching, choking, and light bondage (handcuffs mostly) but thats it. Do my friends here have any advise to help me get out of this uncomfortable rut and become ok 'abusing' her?

 

[Hahvoc The Decepticon]

I suggest you work up to a level you are comfortable with. I have the feeling you are completely monogamous, yes? If you can work up to a level you are comfortable with but know you can't give her exactly what she wants fantasy-wise, I can only suggest that you explore the potential of having a friend you trust and give rules/boundaries to to help completely fulfill the fantasy. However, that is something you and your girl will have to discuss and figure out where you both are comfortable. Comfort and security are the key things in this kind of thing. You also have to be VERY careful.

 

[Batvan Vaiych]

I suggest you work up to a level you are comfortable with. I have the feeling you are completely monogamous, yes? If you can work up to a level you are comfortable with but know you can't give her exactly what she wants fantasy-wise, I can only suggest that you explore the potential of having a friend you trust and give rules/boundaries to to help completely fulfill the fantasy. However, that is something you and your girl will have to discuss and figure out where you both are comfortable. Comfort and security are the key things in this kind of thing. You also have to be VERY careful.

i understand, i guess its just hard for me because, i know even though she is 'satisfied' with our sex life (as am i) i know she is still looking for more ya know? and yes we are both completely monogamous and plan to keep it that way. i'm starting to approach the fetish stuff as a roleplay exercise and coming out of my shell that way. i suppose its hard for us since she still lives with her family and the only intimacy we get is in her room usually at night- and with a 2 year old little brother asleep on the other side of the wall it makes it hard to go all out. i suppose patience and subtle boundary pushing is whats best huh?

Does anyone have any tips on new things we can try? particularly that dont involve toys or equipment? seeing as we're both broke college students.

 

[Hahvoc The Decepticon]

I'd suggest wax play [candles are cheap] and ice play along with sensory deprivation. -Knows a lot-


And yes, subtle boundary pushing and definitely patience. And even if someone is satisfied with their partner and sex life, the brain has a wonderful way of making up new ideas to add more spice.

 

[Ms_Muffintops]

It might just not be your thing, and dominating may not be hers. I'd say since you are the more comfortable one with the S&M thing and she is the one having issues, keep up what you're doing and just over time, work more and more at it. Maybe she'll learn new things and become more accustomed. It may not be an over night or done within a month kind of thing, just have patience with her. And if its something she or you simply can't do, you may have to find something else that works for both of you. I'm the type where in my relationship, the person is more important than the fantasy/fetish, and if its something they don't want to do or can't do, no big deal, as long as we can have sex and do other things, its all good. There's so many things you can do with sex, there's probably always something else you can cook up. I wouldn't turn to fuck buddies for one fantasy, especially if you are monogamous and she is otherwise happy with you, and you her.

Just keep your communication and mind open. Don't push and remember, put the person first, not the act.