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The Dating Hypothesis (Vicodin and Tortoise)

ABagOVicodin

ABagOVicodin

Star
Joined
Mar 29, 2010
Another problem, come about by the supposed untrustworthy shipping abilities of the movie theater. "I refuse to go to a movie theater that of course decides that Red Vines are better then Twizzlers." Sheldon replied to Leonard, who was offering to go to a movie. Sheldon however knew that the main ingredient within Red Vines was the kind of red coloring dye that has caused cancer within some individuals. Twizzlers are made correctly, and he refused to get a licorice that would kill him. Leonard sighed and took his car keys from the bowl near the door, before opening the door and leaving. Sheldon blinked, "Well that was a little unresponsive." He said, as he sat back down on his side of the couch. He turned on Battlestar Galactica and unpaused it from it's previous spot on the dvd player, and then looked around. He was alone. How perfect.

The annoyance of humans would not occupy him. He was alone. But there was a whirring noise that was starting to annoy him. Where was it coming from? Sheldon moved up and walked over to the DVD player, followed by pressing the eject button so that his disc would not scratch. It did something worse. The DVD player sparked, and then stopped working. Sheldon twitched. "My... Battlestar." He said, falling to his knees in an epic way. "N-no!"

He unplugged the dvd player and then put it into the trash can, followed by sighing. "Do I have to make my own DVD player in order for it to not break down?" But when the trash can closed, he noticed that he was bored. "Maybe Penny is home." He said to himself, and he got his key from the bowl near his door, opened the door, walked outside, and closed it behind him, followed by locking it.

Knock knock knock. "Penny?" Knock knock knock. "Penny?" Knock knock knock. "Penny?" Sheldon asked, and he waited for the door to open. He had the Boggle board game, and was ready to play some Klingon Boggle with her if she was interested.
 
Penny stood in the bathroom, contemplating her reflection with a pensive air. Truth was, however, her preoccupations didn’t quite require the serious expression the pretty girl bore. Of course the again, next to her neighbors’ problems that seemed to revolve around the purchase of limited edition objects from the comic book store and experiments gone awry anything was interesting.

Kurt kicked her out of their place when they split, and the guys that followed were an incessant stream of hot yet irresponsible and self-absorbed jackasses whose main topic of conversation was their own persona most of the time. Her job wasn’t getting her anywhere; the scent of cheesecake was almost more powerful than that of her vanilla oil. She shook her head softly, a pout gracing the delicate face. She deserved better than that. If even Leonard managed to find someone, why couldn’t she?

Penny almost smacked herself for the thought. Leonard was a nice guy – odd, but comparing to Sheldon, Howard and Koothrapali he was fairly normal. Anyone was normal comparing to Sheldon, she chuckled to herself. It didn’t take a Ph.D. in psychology to figure out that he was nuts. Not in a bad way though, as far as she knew he was a lot less offensive than even her siblings.

Sighing, she tugged on the string holding the short black robe made of silk together, letting the robe part to uncover her nearly flawless body. Grinning at her reflection she nodded slowly, “who wouldn’t want a piece of that?” She questioned the mirror in her low, playfully seductive voice when the familiar knocking disrupted her as it always would when she least expected it.

Rolling her eyes, she pulled her robe back together, leaving the water running as she walked over to her door through her messy apartment. Oh, how she hoped Sheldon wasn’t there because he needed her to drive him somewhere – or even worse, because he locked himself out of his apartment. Pulling the door open, she stared at him with an exasperated, almost condescending expression in complete silence for a few second. “Sheldon,” she replied in a fatigued voice. “What’s wrong, sweetie?” She wondered, studying him almost the way a mother would watch an annoying child.
 
Sheldon was surprised when the door had opened to reveal Penny in her robe. He thought that maybe she was preoccupied with something, "Penny, if you are having sexual intercourse with someone, I can always come back." Sheldon replied, looking into the room to see if anyone was there. However he wasn't invited into the room yet, which had made him a little irked. The room, was a disaster zone. "Although judging by the state of this room, I don't know how you would be able to have intercourse in here without falling every few steps." Sheldon invited himself into the room, being that he was tired of waiting, and he set the board game down onto the table. "Penny I wanted to know if you wanted to play Klingon Boggle with me." He said. "Leonard refuses to accept that the coloring in Red Vines can cause a cancer related death."

Sheldon was still annoyed with the room. He didn't have a routine spot that he sat in, in this room. And with everything settled about amongst the room, he couldn't pick one until this was more clean. "If you were going to remove the smell of cheesecake from you with a shower, I can clean up this room a little bit more. It might be able to help you get a partner. And we would have room for our board game."
 
Penny’s lassitude grew at Sheldon’s comment. “If I was having intercourse, I wouldn’t have opened the door,” she stated, stepping aside to let him in which she instantly regretted when he commented on the state of her apartment. It always annoyed her how Sheldon unceremoniously acted as though he was at home and insulted her place. “Sheldon, sweetie, I don’t think men usually look at the state of my apartment when they’re about to have intercourse,” she pointed out with an offended air, studying the game of Boggle. “Because I am fluent in Klingon,” she rolled her eyes, unable to prevent herself from laughing at his following statement. “I don’t know how he could do that to himself,” she stated, sighing.

“Fine,” she shrugged absently. “Just…don’t break anything,” she added quickly and walked off to the shower. Finally getting rid of the robe, she slid into the shower, enjoying the scent of shampoo and soap on her skin, replacing the permanent smell of cheesecake. Singing softly despite the fact that she knew Sheldon hated her singing, she took her time since the guy was offering to clean her apartment. Finally, she turned off the water and slipped, the landing into the bathtub with the shower curtain covering her lower body. “Ow,” she cried out, a sharp pain in her ankle preventing her from standing up. “Sheldon, help me,” she called out, shifting slightly to cover her breasts with the curtain.
 
"Oh you are fluent in Klingon? That is wonderful, we can actually play this game and I might have an actual challenge." Sheldon replied, not noticing the sarcasm that was in her voice. However everything that she replied with had always stumped him. What if the man that was going to have intercourse, wanted a bottle of water or something afterwards? Wouldn't he find it extremely unpleasant to have to go through this whole apartment of dropped things and sharp objects on the ground in order to get something to hydrate himself? Sheldon shrugged and when Penny went into the shower, he began to clean, finding the shelves that she was using to be very useful. Every piece of clothing had been arranged in Penny's drawers so that everything was extremely neat.

However when Sheldon heard Penny's cry for help, he moved through the pathway that he created for getting from one room to the next, into Penny's bathroom. "Penny, you fell in the bathtub." He said, pointing it out just in case she didn't realize it. However she wanted help, and he moved down to pick her up by her stomach and her waist. The troubles that he was having with lifting her up was due to him not working out. Geniuses didn't need to work out. He managed to sit her down on the closed toilet, and he then let out a sigh of relief. Lifting her was hard. "Penny, do you need me to get you some clothes?"
 
Penny studied Sheldon as though he was completely out of his mind. “Thank you for pointing it out, Sheldon. I haven’t noticed,” she stated, surprised by how hard it was for him to lift her. She was hardly a hundred pounds, and with Sheldon’s height she would have expected it to be a piece of cake. Her boyfriends generally had no problem picking her up; heck some of them enjoyed carrying her around – the only instance in which the mess in her apartment was an actual problem. “Thanks,” she murmured, her gaze trailing over her friend when he did lift her, sitting her down on the toilet. She was surprised that he didn’t even look at her, despite the fact that she was completely naked.

His comment made her realize it, blushing and instantly covering as much of her slender body as she possibly could. A part of her had a hard time grasping the fact that Sheldon didn’t feel anything from the sight. “No, I enjoy being naked in front of my neighbors,” she stated sarcastically, before realizing that Sheldon had no idea that she was sarcastic most of the time. “Can you hand me my robe?” She wondered, wincing slightly as she moved her leg, the sharp pain causing her to gasp when she put some pressure on the twisted ankle.
 
Sheldon was noticing that the tone of Penny's voice was causing him to feel a little more awkward when she had stated that she knew what he was saying. How did a non college graduate know what he was going to say? That was like a kid from the special ed portion of school saying that they knew what he was saying. Nevertheless, he walked into Penny's room and grabbed her robe, followed by walking back into her room and giving her the robe. "Penny I can lift you into your bed if you are having trouble walking over to it." He said, looking down at her and her naked body before she put it on. "I must say, you are very attractive. I know why Leonard had just a big a crush on you as Walowitz does on any woman in existence."

Sheldon moved her over to her bed, and then started to clean up around her bed so that she would be able to reach any part of her room without stepping on something. He listened to her if she would talk, but he ended up stopping what he was doing in order to listen, and reply when she was done talking. "You know Penny, you should probably lie down for tonight so that you can rest that ankle. I don't think that I will be able to fall asleep in the same bed as you, or on your couch, because your couch has as much lumbar support as a hammock, made by someone with cerebral palsy." Sheldon replied. "But you have my cell phone number, if you need it." He waited for some kind of response from her, so that he could get the cue to leave, or stay.
 
Penny’s face grew bright red when Sheldon returned, commenting on her appeal. For a moment, it threw her off, bringing utter confusion to the pretty face. She didn’t know that Sheldon actually realized that women were attractive. Heck, she had no idea Sheldon wasn’t completely asexual. Shaking it off as an objective statement, she pulled off a meek smile and slid on her robe. “Thank you,” she murmured softly before shaking her head. “No sweetie, I think I should walk,” she nodded with a decided expression. She didn’t want him to twist a hip or anything. For a few moments she studied him in silence before making her way along the clear path. How in the world did a girl like her end up becoming friends with people like him? They were challenging everything somehow, and making things so much harder in a way.

Plopping down onto her bed she stretched out lazily, only bothering to understand Sheldon’s statement halfway. “Um…Huh?” She arched her eyebrows, shrugging. Truth to be told, she preferred Sheldon’s company to a night of solitude with a hurt ankle. “You don’t have to go. I have cheesecake in my fridge?” She offered meekly, doubtful that Sheldon would catch the fairly straightforward cue yet not ready to tell him she didn’t want him to leave.
 
The offering of cheesecake was something that was willing to keep Sheldon in the house. He had recently read a paper on how humans loved when you took joy in what they give to you. So Sheldon's hypothesis would be to take the cheesecake, eat it (whether it was good or bad), and then finally do the dishes himself, because she probably wasn't going to do them. With this dirty of a room, he doubted if Penny actually did her own laundry without reading the labels on the detergent. Nevertheless, she was a very nice neighbor, and it would be wrong of him to think otherwise, or say otherwise within her own home. Sheldon nodded his head. "Very well Penny, I shall go fetch the cheesecake and get us both equal shares." He said, and he walked out of the room.

Halfway to the fridge, Sheldon noticed that Penny's naked figure was sticking inside of his head. He stopped, thinking. "Odd." He thought to himself. "Usually when you are thinking of another woman naked, you are wanting sexual gratification." Sheldon opened the refrigerator and divided the cheesecake into equal shares while he thought. "But I don't really need it, do I? And Penny is probably still attached to Leonard or that tower of an ex boyfriend." Sheldon sighed. "Human behavior is so confusing." He finally concluded, as he walked into Penny's room with cheesecake on equal color plates, and same size forks, along with the cheesecake being divided equally. "Here you go." He said, placing the plate on her chest and then eating some cheesecake of his own. He stood, since he couldn't find his own personal "spot" yet.
 
Penny beamed when Sheldon left to get the cheesecake, clapping her hands together once. Ah, sugar. While Sheldon was gone, she attempted to figure out what was happening. Was she really desperate enough to go after the craziest thing around? Certainly, she didn’t find Sheldon unattractive. But she likely had fewer chances with him than she did with George Clooney. On the other hand, he was smart – and after Leonard, that was a big thing. She still remembered her dumb date who thought the guys were going to explode the moon. She chuckled at the thought only to realize that Sheldon returned.

Yes, she wanted to give it a try. How to go about it? She sat up, scooting over slightly. Taking her plate, she took a bite, expecting Sheldon to sit down beside her yet nothing came. Letting out a frustrated sigh, she smiled at him. “Sheldon, sweetie, sit down,” she motioned, taking another bite. The cheesecake was great – she brought it from the Cheesecake Factory earlier that day. Oh thank god she was off the next day, her ankle was hurting and she wouldn’t trust Sheldon to drive her to the hospital. “You should stay for a while. When is everyone coming back?” She wondered, her bright gaze trailing over him slowly.
 
Sheldon had sat down on the bed when Penny had asked, and the comfortable feeling of it had surprised him. Although maybe it shouldn't have, since intercourse is best on top of a comfortable bed, or at least, that is what he was told, through the many papers that he read. So keeping in mind that Penny's bed was comfortable, Sheldon laid back on it, making sure not to touch Penny's hurt ankle. He took another bite of his cheesecake, and then set it on the end table near her bed. "Very delicious cheesecake." He said.

When he was asked when the boys were going to get home, Sheldon shrugged. "I do not know how long it would take from them to see the latest Transformers movie, and be utterly disappointed by it, but I would assume that they would be gone at a minimum of three hours." Sheldon said. "Koothralpalli likes to eat his food slowly, so it usually takes them an hour to eat, at least. And then the movie is two hours long. So at least 3 hours." Sheldon turned his gaze to Penny, staring into her eyes. "Was there something that you had in mind? Something more fun then Clingon Boggle?"
 
Penny watched Sheldon settle down, surprised that he hadn’t commented on the wind’s direction or anything silly the way he usually would. Setting her cheesecake aside as well, she flashed Sheldon a content smile with a pride making it seem like she prepared it. “Thank you Sheldon,” she replied politely, trying to hide the nervousness. Oh God, it’s been an eternity since she has last been with a man. It’s all Leonard’s fault, she told herself once again in frustration, momentarily crossing her arms under her chest.

“I see,” she nodded to Sheldon, only listening to about half of the things he said. Three hours. Blinking, she realized that her neighbour was staring right into her eyes. She looked back at him for a few moments, completely silent, a light blush appearing on her cheeks. How in the world did sex even brush her mind at that question? “Um…,” she let out pensively, not quite sure whether risking it was appropriate or not. She worried he would tell his friends if she made a move on him, and having Wolowitz torturing her with his advances would awful. He had an attractive face though, up close. Finally, she shifted and placed her head on Sheldon’s shoulder, her lips lightly grazing his neck. “Not really, I just don’t want to stay alone, nor play Clignon Boggle,” she offered, one of her arms snaking around his waist.
 
The feeling of Penny's lips against his neck had made Sheldon feel a little uneasy. His neighbor was trying to made an advance on him. The lips grazing his neck had made a tickle sensation go down them, and he looked to the door, and then to the tie that he was wearing around his neck. Did social protocol work in situations like this? Was Sheldon supposed to tie his tie around the doorknob, like Penny had explained to him a year ago? Or would he just have to go with it, and do whatever it was that Penny had in mind: sex.

Sheldon was also wondering why it was that Penny was automatically subjecting herself to sex. Surely she didn't have any friends with benefits, as far as she knew, and Penny was making a move on him so quickly. It was unnerving, but Sheldon was not going to pass up this attractive woman, as long as he was in this room. He tilted his head back a small amount, so that Penny had easy access for whatever it is she wanted to do. "Penny I must give you a warning that I did not bring any protection with me, and that I read many papers on intercourse, so I do know a lot... About this kind of thing." He wasn't blushing, but he was pausing. "If this is what you are wanting."
 
Penny’s jaw almost dropped when Sheldon spoke. She almost jumped up, studying him seating. Her cheeks burned red, a soft nervous giggle escaping her lips. “I was just making myself comfortable sweetie,” she replied meekly, stunned that Sheldon would even think of intercourse with her. She couldn’t help but replay his movement as he tilted his head back. It was a complicated situation and truth was she had no idea what to do. When Leonard and she had been together, she could feel how much he wanted her. Sheldon, meanwhile, was talking about sex as though it was some kind of a scientific experiment for him.

“Is it what you are wanting?” She wondered reluctantly, twisting a lock of hair between her fingers. She relaxed slightly and leaned back against the bed, her head mere inches from his. Read? She studied Sheldon, wondering if he really has never had sex. She shivered from the thought. She could hardly go on a couple of weeks without getting cranky.
 
Sheldon was surprised at her reaction. He thought that Penny was going to be going along with his suggestion. Many times in the past, when Penny had been without a sexual release, it was hard for her to act nice towards her neighbors. That is what got her into online gaming. He remembered that week, the week of constant gaming that seemed to be what would happen if Charles Manson was told that he could only play Age of Conan. She was in that game, and it was creepy the way she turned out. Although as Sheldon came back to the here and now, he shook his head. "Penny, as your friend, I would assume that friends would get each other out of problems. Your problem at the moment is your sexual frustration."

Sheldon then continued. "My problem is that I have a sexually frustrated woman in the same room as me. A woman who previously was dating my roommate and best friend. But our problems can be taken care of with one thing, sex." Sheldon then looked to his clothes. If she wanted to, he would. He didn't want a complaining person in the same room with him anyway. And he could finally do the experiment and see if the papers that he wrote gave him good information.
 
Penny swallowed slowly, trying to figure out whether Sheldon was joking or not. As he finished speaking, she sat still for a few moments, simply waiting for the familiar ‘Bazinga’ that would make things the way they had been. However, nothing came and she was quite certain that Sheldon was the only person on Earth who could rationalize sex to the point of making it unappealing. Slightly confused, she bit on her thumb. “Um, Sheldon, sex is not about solving a problem,” she stated, tilting her head.

“I mean, it has to be something you want. Is it what you want?” She wondered, sitting up slightly. “Because…I mean, if it is, I’m not against it,” she mumbled, feeling a light blush come to her cheeks. She could not believe she was having that conversation with Sheldon. She certainly didn’t want to end up the way she had that dreadful week she decided to never bring up again. Since she refused to game, she dreaded to think of what kind of a nerdy, odd activity she could get herself into this time.
 
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