Something I wonder... (about roleplaying)

[Ms_Muffintops]

Now before I start, don't jump to conclusions and think I'm bunching all of us together, or assume that I'm talking to someone in particular.

But I wonder about the ratio of people who roleplay for creativity, and those who roleplay to perhaps in a sense replace something they lack in the current state of their life. Maybe they're unhappy and they feel like they can't control certain aspects of their life, so they make up for it by escaping into a world where they can control someones life and lead it to success. I may be hard headed, but it puzzles me when people get so attached to their stories, their characters, and their partners. Can it become an unhealthy hobby, and if so, when does it become unhealthy?

I've been roleplaying since I was 14. So that's 8 years. And I've ran into a lot of different people, but I do run into a lot of people I could swear get too emotionally involved.

Examples:

Long ago I had a roleplay going on with someone from this site and I ended up adding them to Yahoo messenger so we could talk outside of our roleplay. They are no longer active and I won't give out names, but wow... I still don't know words to describe how he was in the end. At some point, I reached a wall of writers block on all of my roleplays and I was taking awhile to reply to everyone. He would get so upset and IM me and in a sense... bitch me out. Eventually it got to the point he actually thought that when I wasn't signed onto Yahoo, that I was actually signed on and set as invisible to hide from him. One day when I signed on, he just flipped out on me telling me he knew what I was doing and he didn't deserve this shit and I was just wasting his time. He then blocked me.

Then there's the people who seem to think of their characters as themselves, and your characters as you, so what your character(s) do to their character(s) translates to what you're doing to them. I've actually met a few people who get offended when I present them with a plot idea (as in suggest) and something tragic happens to their character. It's like you're taking their child and dangling it over a cliff. At the end of the day, these are just fictional characters in a story.

I think I have myself well sorted out on how I like my relationship and terms with my roleplay partners. My longest lasting roleplay partner has been going on 3 years. Over those 3 years we've only done 2 stories, and we just started the second one just last week. Funny thing is... I don't really know him. I just recently found out what his name is. Before that I knew where he was from, his favorite music artist, and his college major. We never talk personally about ourselves but we will have actual conversations time to time about various topics, mostly whats going on in the news or something relevant to our story. I think we've been able to last as partners because we communicate but we don't get too personal.

So yeah:
1. Have any experiences like this? Are YOU guilty of any of this?
2. What is roleplaying to you?
3. Whats your preference in relation to the people you are making up these stories with?

 

[Raivh]

Interesting topic to discuss. I recently did a report on Internet relationships and how good/bad they can be in an individual's life.

Just like those you communicate with in physical surroundings or "real life," you can become attached to a person over the Internet. You can talk, share stories from your personal life, get to know one another. This form of interpersonal communication, called computer-mediated communication (CMC), is actually good for social well-being, but not for emotional well-being. What I mean by social and emotional well-being is in accordance with platonic and romantic relationships, respectively.

You can talk with an individual, even speak "face-to-face" with he/she over applications such as the commonly used Skype. Doing so provides the possibility to develop a bond with that person, despite distance. (Check the term "global village," coined by Marshall McLuhan if I recall correctly.) However, romantic ties over the Internet are more difficult. Most people crave an intimate bond with "someone special," that significant other, whoever he/she may be. They want to be touched, embraced, kissed--all in an affectionate manner, and on a deeper level than just friendship.

In other words, and to sum up, it's not "taboo" to develop a relationship with someone--in this case, your role-play partner--over the Internet. What you described sounded like said individual was obsessed with you/your role-play. But people have a tendency to obsess over others in their "reality" as well. Is it absurd to harass someone for simply not replying, and to believe that you're not getting online because you're supposedly "avoiding" him/her? Yes.

Role-playing, to me, is the collaborative literary work of fiction of two individuals, with posts being given at each person's leisure. Characters are just that, characters. Because these characters come from our minds, they may very well be a "part of you," but should not be you. Also, we all have lives, some busier than others, and should therefore understand absences, regardless of the reason behind it. If the absentee feels the need to explain why he/she was gone or hasn't posted, then it should be left up to him/her.

My preference to relationship development with my partners depends. If he/she enjoys conversation, I don't mind talking. The more you talk, the better you get to know someone. If you feel keen toward someone, there's no harm in friendship; the Internet is one form of social expansion. Should you begin to feel you're revealing too much personal information, or the other person is, speak up. A relationship only can go as far as you allow it to. If you want no part in one online, then state this upfront, rather than banter and regret later.

 

[Ms_Muffintops]

I'm not entirely against getting to know someone online. I have a lot of friends here on BMR. Granted most of them are not people I've roleplayed with, but some of them are. I guess for me I see roleplaying as sort of a professional relationship, or perhaps friends at work... when at work, you work, you're just coworkers, but outside of work, you're friends, and the two shouldn't clash too much. My point being is that I feel that those who are at a weakened emotional state can fall victim to escaping reality by creating these fantasy worlds for themselves. That is when I consider roleplaying to be unhealthy because examples like the above can happen. I guess it could be much like people claiming gaming or MMO addictions since those people also escape into a fantasy world and control a character.

That person who got angry at me probably had some under-lying issues in his life. Perhaps he wasn't very social, or insecure, or perhaps he didn't have any romantic relationships going on and since his character had one with my character, he got this emotional attachment that leaked out onto me. It was like what he saw as me avoiding him was me and my character avoiding him, his character, and the romantic relationship within the story. I feel maybe he used roleplaying to fill a void in his life. He couldn't get something in his life straight so maybe he reached out for the closest thing he could get and clung to it. I've seen a few people who I think are victims of this trend.

I see roleplaying as simply writing a story with someone or some people from multiple perspectives. After awhile I started making it clear that if someones character had a relationship with mine, it didn't reflect our personal relationship.

 

[Perlin]

If I don't hear from a RP partner after 2 weeks, I just assume its over and don't GO ALL BALISTIC like he did. Sometimes one just can't get online or have more important stuff. I lost internet access for 9 days once, and had to wait at least another day just to get through all the backlog of e-mails I got. So if I am dropped, I really don't care and assume my partner has more important concerns.

Now my characters do tend to share a lot of my traits. But they are not me. And in some cases if I play a female its what I personally will like a partner to play as. That is, the plot, setting, or idea is more important, and if I can't find a female partner to play that role, I swap genders and RP the same plot/setting/idea that way.

As for personal favorites, I had some RPs and RP partners I do like. But I often not bother asking again unless a lot of time has passed. Not out of spite but rather a sense of not wanting to stir. If I am ignored, I ignore. If one I RP with returns, I accept. That said, I do have a penpal I never meet for nearly 10 years now. So in that case I can relate, though I know her more than you do to your RP friend.