You Lied to Me, so Right Your Wrong (Raivh & Loveme)

[Raivh]

It was a chilly night, great for a bonfire. Sitting beside the dying flames, he was barely listening to his friend chattering away. His green eyes were on her, watching as she went about her party. There was more wood that could have been added to the fire, but people had been drifting home for the past half hour, so he didn’t bother with it. A punch to the shoulder brought him back to reality, and he tore his eyes away from her. He and his friend exchanged a few words, and then his friend got to his feet, shouting a goodbye to the birthday girl. Casting a glance in his girlfriend’s direction, Kayden flashed her one of his lopsided grins. There were only five cars at the top of the hill. One was had its headlights on and was backing out, and another would soon be leaving. He would give her guests another fifteen minutes, but then he was stealing her away. She’d seemed excited enough all night long, eyes bright. More than once, he’d nearly walked over and interrupted a conversation so that he could kiss her, but he’d refrained. There were a few times when it would have been easy to steal her lips, and he would have loved to see her blush.

Ten minutes later, he was encroaching on her space, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind, and teasing the smooth skin on her neck with feather light kisses. “It looks like Kayden wants his wife back,” one of their friends said in jest.

Something of a possessive growl rumbled against her back, and Kayden grinned, drinking in her scent with his nose buried in the hair atop her head. She smelled of outdoors, fire and smoke, pine and oak, and the most tempting of all was her fragrance. He wasn’t sure what perfume she wore, if any at all, but he’d thought many a time about hoarding her to himself for a day just so he could get high off of her scent. His hold on her tightened another notch, pulling her back against him. Green irises flecked with gold stared into the eyes of their onlookers, just a few of their friends, and he arched his brows and nodded, exhaling. Dipping low, one arm caught her below the knees, the other behind her back, and he lifted her off the ground.

“Yeah,” he replied at last, pausing to kiss her on the forehead. “I do.” Chuckling to himself, he set her back on her feet and took her hand to lead her up the hill. “Thanks.”

The three guests laughed and followed them to the drive. Splitting from the group, Kayden gave her hand a squeeze and led her to the front porch. Light from the television flickered in the window, curtains drawn, but her parents were probably asleep. It was half past midnight. Sitting her down, he placed one hand on the banister for balance, the other under her chin, and leaned down. He pressed a tender kiss to her cheek, then the corner of her mouth. The steps creaked as he climbed up them and settled to a seat behind her, legs on either side of her, knees bent, and his arms twined around her waist.

“Happy birthday,” he murmured against her ear. Finally, he claimed her lips. The kiss was gentle, and he eased back with a grin. A low laugh rolled through his chest, and he grazed his lips over hers once more, punctuating his affection for her with a kiss on the side of her head. “You never told me what you wanted for your birthday, but I have something for you in the car. I’ll get it in a bit.” His hold on her slackened. One palm to the wooden surface of the porch, he leaned back, keeping one arm securely around her.

His breathing was steady, controlled—comfortable. “Are you ready for college?” Studying what he could see of her profile, he sat up once more, curled his fingers against her stomach, and brought his free hand up to pull her hair back behind her ear. He settled back again. “Did you have to pick a school out of state?” The smirk on his face was completely relaxed, only joking with her. He’d known her decision for some time.

Growing silent, he lifted his brows high on his forehead. “I think you’ll be further from home than I’ll be, starting out anyway. I talked with that recruiter some more.” His chest expanded as he filled his lungs with a large breath of air. “You’ve been dating a Marine for the past few weeks.” Lifting her hair from the back of her neck, he shifted it away and kissed the nape of her neck. “I leave for basic in September. Your classes start in August, right? Did you want to go to the lake before then?”

 

[Loveme]

It was nearly midnight and her party was just now dying down. It had been one of the best ones... But what she truly wanted, was to be with her boyfriend. If it hadn't been for almost all of her best friends
being there and it having to be one of the last times she would see them before they all left for college, she would of been by his side. The whole night without a doubt. Bella was barely even listening to her friends conversation. Her mind and gaze was focused on him. Her eyes flickered with excitement, joy, love. Ever since her friend had
told her something about a ring,
all their chats and memories came flooding back. 

Kayden and Bella had been best friends for a very long time, recently they had started dating and she wouldn't change it for the world. She had always loved him, more then anything. She could see that most of her friends were gone and some were leaving. She said good-bye to a few and turned her attention back to the arms that were wrapping around her waist. 

Bella lit up even more as she felt his arms reaching around her and wrapping themselves around her waist. She could feel her heart escaping her chest, the way she always felt when he touched her. His lips brushing against her neck, she laughed gently at their friends. A few moments passed as he held her like that, but before she knew it he was scooping her up in his arms. Grinning widely, she nodded towards the guests. "I do believe I would like some time with him as well.
I will see you later." She had just finished her sentence as he set her down and grabbed her hand. As he led her up the hill and to the porch, her head rested against his arm. He smelt like the fire. Because he had mainly stayed there most if the night.

As Bella set down, she smiled and looked up towards him. She could feel his kisses, one on her cheek... The next at the corner of her mouth and finally on her lips. Letting out a soft groan, she blushed and bit her bottom lip. Once he was settled, she leaned against him. "Hmm.. Happy Birthday to me indeed. I have to admit... It's been one of the best." Shaking her head at his next response, she giggled. "I never told you because I didn't know what I wanted. But we shall see what you got me, won't we?"

Her hair, that damn hair was always getting in her way. But it was like he had known, because within moments his fingers were pulling it back behind her ear. Sighing, she shook her head. "College... Has been a pain in my butt already and I'm not even there. But yes, I believe so... I have to go out and buy some dorm things... But overall, I think so." The only bad part, the college she was accepted into was out of state. But it was the best, the one she had wanted. "Kayden... You know I would of chosen some where closer. But Angle University has the best photography classes in the world and you know how much I love it." She knew, that he was only joking around but she still felt bad for it.

But little did she know, it wouldn't matter much. Bella could sense something was wrong whenever he became quite. Within a few moments, he was spilling what she had been afraid of. "Kayden... What are you talking about?" She could feel her heart beat quicken. The way he lifted her hair from the back of her neck, kissing it softly. Normally, that was enough to calm her. But not this time. She was loss for words, shaking her head she reamined quite for some time. "Recruiter... Marines... Kayden... I thought you had decided not to..." It hadn't been what she was expecting, she had been expecting to actually be his fiancé... Not that he may not make it back... Nodding her head, she spoke gently. "I leave in August... You in September... we won't be able to say goodbye..." She could feel a few tears starting to come but wiped them away. "The lake...
I don't know... Kayden... You can't..."

 

[Raivh]

The silence between them was surmounting for a long moment as he sat there with his brow furrowed. “Baby,” he murmured, sliding his arms back around her waist to hold her close. There wasn’t any other choice; he’d already made the commitment. He kissed the side of her face and tasted salt—tears—and he could see them glistening in her eyes. Sighing, he slid back on the porch and rose to his feet. His footsteps were heavy as he paced back and forth once behind her. Brushing past her, he jumped the last step and landed on the ground with a muffled thud. The wind picked up.

Sights on her, he smiled. “I have to go, Bells. When and where I’m told to go, I have to go. I’d say you could come with me, but you’re going to Angle because that’s where you want to be.” Taking a deep breath, he strode back toward her and squatted down. He took her hands and held them in his. They were small compared to his, dainty even. Running his thumb over the back of her knuckles, he looked up into her eyes. Talk of his leaving after she’d gone and before she came back for any sort of break was obviously painful. Craning his neck forward, he kissed her slender brow and furrowed his own. “You know, there’s this new invention. It’s called the phone, and I think they even have video-call on the computer.” Sarcasm laced his words, and he wore a devious grin, green eyes glowing devilishly as shadows danced over his face.

“I’ll have my cell phone up until I leave, unless I lose it again. And what do you mean you don’t know if you want to go to the lake? Everybody’s going, sweetheart, you have to go,” he said. Shifting his weight, he got to his feet and pulled her up with him. Forehead to forehead with her, eyes shining down at her, his voice took on a deep, commanding tone. “That’s an order, Bells. You can’t go against an order.” Moistening his lips, they whispered over hers with the lightest of contact. “I’ll go get your present.”

He took a large step back from her and pulled his car keys from his pocket. Venturing away, he hit the unlock button and opened the doors. When he returned, he was holding an old jacket of his. “Here,” he said, passing it to her. “So I can keep you warm while you’re at AU.”

 

[Loveme]

Shaking her head, she wiped the tears away, though it had done no good. Ever since she was small, she would cry whenever she was mad or upset. It was how anyone could tell she was pissed off and in this situation; it was tears of sadness and anger. "AU is where I want to go... But I always thought you would be here, just a few hours’ drive away..." When Bella felt him get up, she leaned forward and away from him. The longer she thought about it, the angrier she had become. “Don’t baby me….” She hissed more so to herself then him.

What they had planned, their future, a wedding and they have even talked about children. All that was starting to slip away. Bella could feel his gaze on her, before he squatted down and took her hands in his. His rough and big, while hers were small and soft. Bella shook her head, pulling her hands away from him. “I don’t care if they invented that stuff. I don’t want to say good-bye to you over that! Don’t you see that Kayden! I love you… and you’re leaving! All of what we talked about… Don’t you see that stuff may not happen now! You go over there, get killed and then I will be here, all alone.”
When he pulled her up, she shook her head and started to pull away from him. “Your cell phone won’t do any good… I wanted it in person… we both did…” She shook her head, more tears falling now. She wasn’t hiding them anymore; she had figured he would notice it by now. “The lake…. You can go. I will stay here, because you’re just going to leave right after that anyways. I chose AU, Kayden because it was close to home… it was close to you. But now, it won’t be because you’re not going to be here.”

When he left to get her gift, she backed against the stairs. Her hand on the front doors handle as she turned around to see him coming back up. A jacket in tow, she shook her head. Taking his jacket, she whimpered. “Kayden, I think you should go…. I don’t want to make things to where they are un-fixable….” The jacket was still in her hand as she opened the door. How bad she wanted him… to just come inside and tell her it was all a joke. But she knew that it wouldn’t happen. “Come see me before you leave…” With that, she shut the door and slid in front of it.

 

[Raivh]

He’d known she wouldn’t like the way they would have to part, had known it before he’d even told her about it. So her reaction should have been anticipated. Maybe he had been expecting it, but hearing her irritated response wasn’t what he’d wanted to hear. So he hadn’t reacted to it, had just acted as if everything was perfectly normal. She loved him, he knew that too, and she knew that he loved her. But telling him that she would be all alone because he would “go over there” and “get killed” didn’t exactly sit well with him. His jaw was taut as she shook her head and took his jacket, a favorite of his, but also a favorite of hers. He ground his teeth together when she suggested he leave.

“But it’s your birthday, and your parents don’t have a problem with me staying the night,” he muttered, watching as she pulled open the door. The happy mood he’d been in moments before—doting on her and kissing her—had all but disappeared, leaving him with a rather sour look on his face. The door closed. “So I guess I’m going to the lake by myself, then? Huh? Awesome. You know how I get when I drink? Alicia’s going to be there.” Alicia, her best friend, had been hitting on him since day one he’d began dating Bella. Whether Bella noticed or not, he wasn’t sure. Immediately, he regretted saying what he did. But she’d been speaking of plans, and their senior trip to the lake would probably be the last time they could spend time together. He couldn’t sleep in her bed under her father’s roof, and their trips to the lake had been the only time Kayden had been able to hold her. Sex had been something he’d considered suggesting before, but the thought of impregnating his girlfriend while they were in high school had never appealed. It still didn’t; he wasn’t ready for a child, or the duty of playing dad.

“You know how easy it is to get Alicia to spread her legs, Bella? I didn’t have to ask the last time we were at the lake,” he shouted, and in the next moment his car door slammed shut. The night he’d spoken of hadn’t been an offer he’d accepted, but it had sure been tempting. If Bella hadn’t been there, a constant reminder that he loved her, not Alicia, he probably would have taken her up on her offer the moment she’d grabbed the front of his jeans. Alicia was a slut. Bella was sweet, and she was his girlfriend. He left his cell phone setting down by the fire, having forgotten about it in his rush to whisk Bella away from her departing guests. Revving his engine, the tires spun, casting gravel in every direction, and he whipped out onto the road.

When he pulled into the driveway at his house, he was cursing, determined not to be the one to see her first. She wanted to go to college. He’d thought he wanted to go to college, but joining the Marines had always been a dream of his. A couple months later, after a trip to the lake, he was kissing Alicia goodbye.

--six years later—

“Yeah, I’m back home.” Walking around the house, a smile on his strong face, he worked with one hand to zip up his jeans. His grandmother had passed away while he’d been overseas, but had left her house to him. It was a nice, two-story home with a wrap-around porch and a pool in the back that she’d never used. He could remember many summers when his grandmother had sat on the porch, drinking lemonade and flipping through her magazines, just watching him and his cousins and friends swim around, dunk each other, and dive in on the deeper end.

He hadn’t been expecting a call from her parents, and he hadn’t heard from her since her nineteenth birthday the year he’d left. It was snowing outside, and the wind whistled, rattling the fake shutters outside the house. A fire burned bright in the living room, permeating the air with the fresh, pleasant scent of oak and the tangy smell of sap. His footsteps were heavy against the wooden floorboards, and he sank down onto the couch with a grunt. Running a hand over his short hair, he laughed. They were inviting him over for Christmas dinner. Her mother said she’d heard about what happened to his grandmother, and knew that he’d never really been interested in a relationship with his father after his mother’s death.

“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he replied, pausing as Bella’s mother prattled on about how it was a great idea. They hadn’t seen him in years, and Bella would be in town for a while. The smile on his face faded a bit. Bella’s image from years ago outside of her family home flooded into the forefront of his mind. His gaze fell to a picture of him and Alicia hanging on the wall. He needed to take it down. They’d separated two years ago, when she’d cheated on him. Women were fickle.

Sighing, he closed his eyes. “I still haven’t figured out why you kids never tied the knot. Bella’s father and I thought for sure you would be the one she’d marry, Kayden.” He knew what they thought, but what they thought had been inaccurate. Bella was a pretty girl, and he was sure she was a gorgeous woman now, but they hadn’t worked out. “I thought I’d have grandbabies by now!” Pinching the bridge of his nose, Kayden shook his head. Kids, in his mind, had never been in the picture. Children were something Bella wanted, and because she’d wanted children, he’d considered it. One time when he’d come back from leave, Alicia had informed him she’d thought she was pregnant; he’d had a fit, asking why she wasn’t on birth control. She’d said she was. It wasn’t her fault they’d fucked and he hadn’t worn a condom, she’d shouted. Then she’d miscarried, and shortly after started an affair with another man. It was after that he’d firmed his decision: he never wanted to have kids. Just the idea of fathering a kid was horrifying. It would be the end of him.

About a week later, he was seated in her living room. The worst part was that the furniture hadn’t changed. Every now and then his eyes flitted to his old spot, and then to where she used to sit crammed in the corner. Her father sat there now, and Kayden wondered if the man knew how many times he’d made out with Bella right there. How many times had he struggled to pull away and ignored his numerous erections? He’d taken her shirt and bra off right in that living room when they’d known her parents were sound asleep. He’d caressed her, touched her, and explored every inch of her body without ever entering her.

“Kayden?” The sound of Brenda’s voice snapped Kayden back to reality, and he realized that he’d missed something. The front door was open, and Bella’s father, Jim, was no longer in the room. “I think Bella just pulled up. Jim went out to help her with her things. Do you want anything else to drink?” Licking his lips, Kayden shook his head and glanced toward the door.

Reconsidering, he nodded. “Yeah, if you’ve got any scotch.” He watched as she rose to her feet to go retrieve his request and check on dinner. “Think they’ll need any help?”

“No, I think they’ll be okay. You just sit tight!” Brenda said cheerfully from the kitchen. Christmas music drifted through the house. The television flashed. But Kayden didn’t register any of it; his eyes were focused on the door, though his head was facing the television.

 

[Loveme]

Bella hadn’t left; she was still leaning against the front door. Her knees pulled close to her chest, her arms wrapped tightly around them. Her pants legs were soaked with tears, shaking her head as she heard Kayden speaking through the door. She did know how he was whenever he was drunk and it scared her whenever he spoke of it. Alicia, the moment he had spoken of Alicia she became angrier and even more upset. Shaking her head, she whimpered. “No…” Bella had known that her best friend had been hitting on him ever since they began dating. But she had tried to ignore it. Kayden was hers, well… Was hers now it seemed like.

The last time they were at the lake… he and Alicia… “No… That’s not true…” She whispered softly. Hearing the car door slam, the engine rev, and the tires spinning out…. At that moment she knew that he was gone. For good? She didn’t know, didn’t want to think about it at that moment. His jacket was laid across her lap, but she slowly stood and took it into her room. Throwing it across a chair. When it came time to go to the lake, she had opted out. If his words of Alicia were true, he would be there with her. Not Bella.

~Six Years Later~

Christmas was here, the time she had always loved. Bella was on her way home; she had finished her first degree of photography and was currently studying graphic design along with getting a higher degree in photography. She had done so well the previous years and her professors had seen that. She only had a half of term to go, which is why she was going to be in town for a while. At AU, the Christmas break was always long. Bella was excited to see her parents; she hadn’t seen them since spring break. But over the last few weeks, she had been thinking of Kayden for some strange reason. She had moved on, when he hadn’t called or come to see her before she left.

She had heard of his grandmother passing and wished that she could have been there. Shaking her head as she thought about everything, she spoke to herself. “No, don’t think of him. That’s over.” With her last words, she pulled into the drive way. Immediately, she saw her dad rushing out to help her. Before he did, she gave him a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek. Just like always. “I missed you dad.” As she made her way into the living room, she glanced to the right and saw someone sitting on the couch. She wasn’t really worried about them; all she wanted to see was her mom. Which is what she done. “Mom… I missed you too.” Grinning deeply, she hugged her. But soon, she was stopping in mid sentence. “Kayden….” It had all hit her at once. That person, in the living room was Kayden.

Bella growled and stormed back into the living room. “You! What are you doing here!! After all that time! You’re here now!” She screamed, crossing her arms as she stared at him. “This has to be a horrible joke or something… Mom!! Why is he here!!” She saw him just sitting there, a drink in his hand. The sounds of Christmas music faded away into the background as all her emotions throughout the last sixe years came flooding back. “Why… why are you here! Oh, I heard about your little escapade with Alicia. You know, at the lake? How you had sex with her and almost had her kid, but you never gave me a straight up answer? Yeah, I head about all that. Did you even think about how much that would hurt me? Of course not! Because you didn’t even bother to call me before you left!!”

 

[Raivh]

Relaxing wasn’t exactly what he would call the feeling that washed over him when she passed by him the first time without even realizing he was sitting there in the living room. It was more like irritation. He had a pressing urge to stand up and make his presence known, to say her nickname the same way he always had when they’d been dating. He accepted the drink her mother had made up for him, curious when Bella would notice he was sitting there. A huff of a laugh escaped out his nose, and he shook his head. Shortly after that, he heard his name in her voice, and that was enough to drag his attention from the television. Leaning on his forearms, a faux appearance of comfort when he was, in fact, very uncomfortable, he sat back, spine straight, as she approached. He lifted the glass of scotch to his mouth. It sat on his tongue longer than intended, and he immediately swallowed against the burning sensation.

Remaining quiet as she screamed, her voice shrill enough at that moment to split hairs, accosting him about why he was sitting in her parents’ living room, he set his glass down on a coaster on the coffee table. “Well, I thought you might like to see him. It’s been a long time, Bella. Kayden just got back about a week ago,” her mother said, eyebrows furrowed, confused about her daughter’s outburst. Anything that had happened between the two of them surely had been resolved by time, but her assumption had clearly been incorrect.

“Yeah, and I’m thinking about going back,” Kayden said, speaking in a loud voice just to be heard. Rising to his feet, shoulders back, he towered over her, taller than he had been in high school even, and stared down at her. “It was after we broke up, so it doesn’t really matter.” Keeping his reply short and to the point, he glanced at Brenda and stepped around Bella. His arm brushed against hers, and he caught way of her scent. It was a different fragrance than he remembered, and he liked it on her, but he wasn’t about to tell her so. “I’m sorry, I think I should go. She clearly doesn’t want to see me.”

Despite his comment, he turned back, reaching for her wrist as nonchalantly as he would have if they’d been dating. His fingers curled around the slender joint gently, and then firmed. “Here’s your answer: I didn’t want kids then, and I don’t want kids now. And even if you had gone with me to the lake that summer, we would have wound up separating. You were never my kind of girl.” Lie. She had been his kind of girl back then, and by the looks of her, she still was. Just looking at her was enough to boost his testosterone levels. “Well, you were, but you went and got upset about my joining the Marines, and look at me now. I’m living on my own, make good money, and I’ve been taking classes. Almost finished with my bachelors in business administration.”

Pausing, he smirked in a most condescending manner. “The only element I’m missing in my life is marriage up to this point, but like the kid, I’m not looking to wed anyone anytime soon. It seems women are either floozy or don’t think about what a guy wants. It’s always got to be about you.” He released her wrist, but didn’t step back, holding his ground.

 

[Loveme]

When she heard her mother's voice, she shook her head. "No, things were never the same after my nineteenth birthday party. He left, didn't even bother to call me and tell me good-bye. Even if we were broken up, you still should of called..." The last sentence had been directed at Kayden, the first towards her mother. "I would of loved to see him, if it had turned out differently. Now... I dont even want to look at him."

When Kayden began to speak, Bella could feel her heart dropping even more. Don't show it, don't show him how much his words are hurting..." "Your thinking about going back? Good. Because clearly it doesn't matter to you that your leaving friends behind, memories behind that we had!" When she saw him rising, she began to notice how much he had changed. How much taller her was, how much more muscular he was. He was always taller then her six years ago, but now he towered over her. Bella could feel the anger surrounding both of them, the heat and attraction that had never left. "But it does matter! Kayden! She was my best friend and both of you betrayed me! I lost both of you! Not one, both!" She could feel her face starting to become wet, the tears had started and she hadn't wanted them too. Especially after she felt his arm brush against hers. Shaking her head, she crossed her arms. Her hand right where his arm brushed over hers. "You should go, I don't want to see you."

When he turned around and grabbed her wrist, all the love she had felt for him came rushing back. His words cut through her, the hurt, the sadness that she felt. "Why do you think I never went to the lake? I knew that you would be there, I knew what you would do just to get back at me and look what happened." She tried to yank her wrist away from his, but his strength wouldn't let it go. "I was never your kind of girl, but your here. Sitting in my parents home, my home. I NEVER doubted that you wouldn't be a amazing marine Kayden, nor an successful person! All of our plans, EVERYTHING! It just went out the damn window!" Bella was shaking, all the different emotions running through her mind. Anger, sadness, hurt, love, passion. All of it.

When she finally glanced back up at him, she could see the grin on his face. Turning away from him, she shook her head. "Then leave. Leave me alone. You no it was never about me! I always thought of you and how you felt, and what you wanted!" When he finally released her wrist, she wanted to run. Wanted to hide away, but he wasn't moving and neither was she. There it was once again, the passion and the heat that could be felt between the two of them. "Leave, because you clearly don't want anything to do with me and neither do I."

 

[Raivh]

What she thought she knew was false; if she’d have gone with him to the lake, he would have stayed ten yards or more away from Alicia, and instead lavished Bella with every second of affection until she forced him away. It didn’t matter now, though. She hadn’t gone, and he’d ended up on top of Alicia, listening to her moans and groans. He would have rather slept beside Bella, clothed from head to toe, with his arms around her and listened to her steady breathing than the sounds Alicia uttered. However, it hadn’t exactly been easy to deny Alicia when they’d both had more than a few beers, and she’d come into his room with every inch of her body exposed. He’d ignored rant about the plans, continuing to deny that she’d ever been the girl for him.

Still sneering at her as she shook, his heart pounding for whatever damned reason, he listened to her tell him off. It was the same as she’d done six years ago, telling him to leave, to go. The unfixable had apparently arrived between them, exactly what she’d wanted to avoid by sending him home that night. From where he stood, he could see the tears glistening on her cheeks. Averting his eyes, he clenched his jaw. His gaze flitted about the room erratically. The front door closed, and when he turned around to look at who had entered, he discovered that her parents had exited. They were alone, left to suffer the tense atmosphere between them. The Christmas music continued. He scoffed at the Bing Crosby song coming through the speakers.

“Alright, I’m going. Hope you have a Merry Christmas and fucking Happy New Year,” he ground out, turning to leave. He reached the door and dug into the pocket of his jeans for the keys to his car. When he didn’t find them, he released something of a growl. Stalking back toward her, he brushed past her again, jerking his arm away when it made contact with hers. Keys on the coffee table, he snagged them. The metal clinked together as he closed the keys in a fist. Turning back around, he was face to face with her, and those tears in her eyes were ever more apparent. His eyes scanned over her face, landing once on her lips. For a split second, he wondered how many other men she’d kissed over the past six years. A twisted anger and jealousy boiled inside of him as he shoved past her, long stride carrying him quickly to the door.

When he opened it, her mother was standing in the way, and her father was looking out, off the porch. She pointed up, directing his attention to a cluster of mistletoe. “You both walked under it,” she said calmly, looking up at him, “Kayden, stay,” and then poking her head inside. “Bella, sweetheart, help me finish dinner.” Turning her head over her shoulder, she motioned for her husband to follow her inside, “Jim,” as she stepped past Kayden, giving his shoulder a pat.

Jim took a deep breath and turned to face Kayden. He stared at the younger man for a long moment, before approaching. “Well, you heard her.” The man didn’t like the way Kayden had spoken to his daughter, but he also knew how many days and nights Bella had spent in misery after her birthday.

Stiffening, the tendon lining the side of Kayden’s throat flexed, but as Jim passed by him to head inside, he turned and followed. The front door closed with a quiet thud, and Kayden fixed his eyes on Bella.

 

[Loveme]

When she heard the front door closing, she tore her gaze away from his to see who had left. Seeing that they were now alone, that it had been her parents who had left. A knife, wouldn't cut the tension that was in the room at that moment. It was tense and was becoming hotter and hotter as she stood there. When his words started tearing through her again, she only crossed her arms tighter. He had never talked to her the way that he had the last few minutes, but neither had she.

Seeing him turn to leave, she wanted desperately to reach out and grab his arm. To just pull him closer to her and kiss him. Maybe that would ease the tension that weighed so heavy on them. "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Kayden." It was all she could say, it wasn't rude like his had been. Her voice had been soft, about to break down. But she didn't hear the door open right away and when she looked up to see why, he was stalking back towards her. Turning away from him until she heard his keys clinking together, she turned to face him. Their faces inches away from each other. She could feel his gaze looking at the tears, then her lips. Just kiss me.... But he hadn't. He was moving back toward the front door.

What he had wondered, how many guys she had kissed over the years. Her answer would be none. Bella had not tried to find someone else, she was always to busy studying and taking her classes. Working after them to live in her apartment close to the school. Bella was frozen in one spot. How she could of made it all better by forgiving him, but it wasn't that easy. Not now. Hearing her mother speak, she turned her eyes to see her and Kayden at the door way. They had both walked under the mistletoe, but she didnt care. All she wanted was to forget about what had happened and enjoy their Christmas.

Bella had waited to see if he came inside and when he had, she turned to move into the kitchen. Stopping at the door frame, she whispered softly. "I missed you Kayden..." If he could hear her, she really didn't care. But she was lying to herself, she had wanted him to hear it. But her words were the truth. Taking a few steps, she was back in the kitchen with a paper towel. Wiping her face, she spoke gently. "What do you need help with mom?"

 

[Raivh]

Grinding his teeth together when she turned from him, Kayden crossed back over to the couch once she’d left the room. Jim was seated back in that same damned corner, and with Bella in the house, the images of their heated sessions returned more vividly than before. He could hear her desperate breaths in the back of his subconscious; could practically feel the heat of her skin against his and taste the sweet, succulent flavor of her mouth under his. His mind was spinning. He didn’t hear her when she’d said she missed him, but he did glance over the couch, thinking she would already have her back turned. The look on her face was enough to cause him to furrow his brows with a rather perplexed expression painted over his strong features. Watching her lips move, he was only able to make out the last word she spoke. His name forced him to turn back around, eyes glued to the television.

“Why don’t you stir what’s in that pot on the stove, Bella,” her mother chimed in response. Dishes she’d dirtied clattered against the silver walls of the sink as she set about washing them. She didn’t need to ask to know that it would take a while for the two to start talking. It was going to be a very silent dinner. “When you’re finished there, bring some of those cookies out to the men. I’m sure they’re both starved by now.” Smiling, she cast a glance at her daughter, and with a nod of her head gestured to a large platter of assorted Christmas cookies.

Back on the couch, Kayden was trying to avoid Jim’s stare. He’d always respected the man, and for Jim to have heard how Kayden had stopped seeing his daughter without any explanation and went to the lake without her. How he’d fucked Alicia and nearly had a kid with her. It was embarrassing. “Son,” Jim’s stern voice reached out. Kayden tensed, and peeled his eyes away from the television to look over at the man.

Grunting, he turned away again. “Sorry, I ruined your evening, sir. I shouldn’t have come.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. You two kids used to be inseparable, and now look at you. You can’t talk to her. She can’t talk to you. And you’re both as tense as a turkey the day before Thanksgiving,” Jim replied with a slight laugh. “No, you should have come, and you did. Now, you two just need to talk, clear the air. Relationships don’t always work out, but you were good friends before you started dating.”

“Jim,” Brenda drawled from the kitchen. “Bo’s out back scratching on the door. Why don’t you let her in and go feed the horses before dinner? Bella and Kayden can set the table, can’t you?”

Jim got to his feet to do as his wife suggested, knowing that it was a subtle order. Kayden remained seated for a moment longer before replying with a “Yes ma’am,” and rising to his feet as well. Both men tromped into the kitchen, Kayden following behind Jim. Avoiding eye contact with Bella, he listened to Brenda’s instructions about how she wanted the table set up. He nodded, turned, and did as directed. She’d gone easy on him, giving him four plates and glasses to set out.

Her next task wasn’t quite as simple. “And could you two take these plates up the road to Hank and Greta? Make sure you dress warm. The snow’s supposed to pick up soon.” The last glass he set on the table landed with a louder clank as his eyes homed in on Bella. Moving slowly back around the table, he went to pull his coat from the back of the couch and put it on, before taking the plates Brenda had set on the edge of the counter.

Not bother to wait for Bella, he walked out the front door, taking his time traipsing through the growing snow drifts. He glanced to his car. At this rate, he would be stuck staying the night at her parents’ home.

 

[Loveme]

"Alright, It smells wonderful Mom." She smiled softly as she set about stirring the stuff that was in the pot. By now, her face was dry of any tears. But anyone could tell she had been crying. After she stirred for a few moments, she nodded towards her mother. She was trying to get the pair to talk again, she knew exactly what she was doing. Laughing softly, Bella grabbed the plate of cookies and started to munch on one herself. Bella had managed to catch the end of the conversation between her dad and Kayden and was rightfully glad that she had. "Christmas cookies... Mom told me to bring them out." Setting them down on the coffee table that was in the middle of the room, she glanced towards Kayden.

"Mom..." Bella whined gently but nodded as she noticed Kayden getting up and following Jim into the kitchen. Kayden was avoiding any contact with her that he could and Bella tried to ignore it. But it still hurt her. She was determined to make things right, tonight or tomorrow. One of the two. Bella was setting out the silverware and napkins as her mom spoke of her next task. Feeling her heart dropping, she turned to see Kayden's reaction as he set the glass down rather loudly. Grimacing, she moved to kitchen to grab some of the plates. Setting them down on the table, she pulled her jacket over her head and picked the plates back up.

Kayden hadn't waited for her, he was already moving up the sidewalk as she stepped out of the door. "So much for us doing it together..." Her voice was loud enough for him to hear. Now was her time, to tell him that she had missed him. for him to hear her. "Kayden.... I missed you while you were gone..." She was trying to catch up to him, but felt her shoe get stuck in a pile of snow. Pulling her down with it. Letting out a soft scream, the surprise of it scaring her the most. Lifting her head up, she had a pile of snow in her face and hair. Cursing under her breath, she shook her head.

 

[Raivh]

He laughed out his nose as she called out after him. When he heard the door close behind her, he glanced over his shoulder just in time to catch her dart outside. Then his eyes were forward once more, ignoring her, or at least trying to. “I’ll bet you did. That why you keep telling me to leave?” he called back, laughing and shaking his head. Plodding on, even after she’d let out a startled scream and fallen in the snow, it was a minute or two before he looked back at her. He stopped where he stood and turned to face her, an arrogant smirk spread across his countenance. Dropping his head, he shook it once, lifted it, and trekked back through the snow to pull her up.

“Why don’t you just go back inside,” he advised, jerking his head in the direction of the glass door. Warm light poured onto the porch, and he could see snowflakes flurrying about, sticking to whatever surface they landed on first. Bending down, he reached for her. His large hand slid under the upper portion of her arm, and he lifted her out of the snow. “Just tell them you sprained your ankle walking down the steps. I don’t want you walking with me, anyway. People might think an early Christmas miracle brought us back together, and that’s a load of bullshit I don’t want to deal with. Do you?”

Shaking his head, he tossed her arm back at her, giving her a little shove, before turning to walk toward the road. When he reached it, finding that the snow wasn’t as deep, but the ice beneath it was quite slick, he picked up his pace. It was easier to move over ice than it was through that icy powder. “And take that damned mistletoe down!” he shouted, not sure if she’d listened to him and had gone back, or if she still followed. “You’re the last person I want to kiss right now or any other time!”

What he said was only a partial lie. He’d already thought about kissing her once that night, and knew that if he did he’d be pissed about it later. Why did she have to have such an inviting mouth? And why did she have to go and fucking cry. He hated it when she cried, couldn’t stand it. Seeing her tears gave him a sour taste on his tongue and a burning sensation in the pit of his stomach. Along with both came the ridiculous urge to comfort her, and he didn’t want to be the one doing that either.

 

[Loveme]

"I did, Kayden. Believe me or not. But I did. My parents will vouch for me. I only told you to leave, because I didn't want to hurt you or make the situation worse like it is right now." She was speaking of this whenever he trekked his way back towards the snow to help her up. Feeling his arm slide under hers as he lifted her up, she looked up towards him as he spoke. "No, we wouldn't want people thinking that, now would we?" She hissed towards him, angry that he was still being the way he was. Even after she had told him that she had indeed missed him.

She ignored the last part of his response, trying to regain her balance after he had given her the little shove. "Fine, I'll go back inside." Bella had wanted to follow him, but decided not to. She would listen, maybe it would smooth him over some. Watching him for a few moments, she turned and walked back up the stairs to the porch. Leaning up on her tip-toes, she pulled the mistletoe down and set it on the banister so he could see that she had taken it down.

But before going inside, Bella set down in one of the rocking chairs. "I might be the last person you want to kiss, but that isn't the same for me." She was speaking to herself, trying to calm down before she went back inside. It wouldn't be that night that he was leaving, his car was already snowed in. As was here's. Sighing at the winter weather, she apps and moved back inside. "Mom! I fell in the snow... Kaydan tool them over."

"Are you okay sweetheart?" Her mother spoke, concern in her voice. "I'm fine, what else
Can be done for dinner?" Her mother began to explain that she could set the turkey and things on the table, and that's what she done. "I'll be back in a few, before dinner starts." She hadn't waited for an answer, instead she was going to her room. The same as it was six years ago. Her bags were already up there, Kaydens jacket among them. Pulling it out, she laid it on the bed along with a letter that she had written him a few days after her nineteenth birthday. She planned on giving it to him, but he had never given her adress as to where to send it to.

But now, she was about to. After dinner, she was going to ask him to come upstairs. Even if he said no, she was going to make him. Folding hid jacket up, she placed the letter in the front of it and a few moments later she was backdownstairs. Sitting in the same spot that she always had whenever he was over.

 

[Raivh]

Even after she left he remained tense. It was something of a long walk to Hank’s and Greta’s home, but it was a cold one. His breath fogged before him in steady, even bursts. The snow crunched beneath his feet. Cursing under his breath, he glanced back over his shoulder. He could no longer see her house, but he knew it was behind him somewhere, and he could tell that he was going to be stuck for at least one night.

After dropping off the plate of food, Kayden began the trek back to Bella’s family home. When he arrived on the front porch, the first place he glanced at was the top of the doorframe. Grunting when he didn’t see the mistletoe hanging there any longer, he opened the door and entered the house. The smell of food wafted straight to his nostrils, triggering his stomach that growled in response. It had been a long time since he’d had a good, home cooked meal. Stomping the snow off on the mat in front of the front door, his gaze drifted into the living room. He stopped grinding his shoes into the mat when his eyes fell to her.

“Were Hank and Greta home?” Brenda called from the table, where she was busy setting out the prepared meal. Without speaking, Kayden nodded, green eyes still locked on Bella. His hair was wet from the snow, and flopped just above his brow. Tearing his stare from her, he focused on kicking off his shoes, and then padded into the kitchen, deliberately avoiding the couch.

Hands on the back of a chair, he asked, “Is dinner ready, Brenda?”

“Yes,” she said with a smile, glancing up at him. Jim was already seated at the table. “Bella, come eat? Kayden, you sit down right here.” Pulling out a chair for him, she patted the wooden surface, and he glanced at the empty chair beside him. “Bella, you’ve got this chair, and I’ll sit by your father.” Kayden cleared his throat and set his jaw, but otherwise sat down quietly.

There was chatter throughout dinner, but most of the questioning was done by Brenda. Jim sensed the tension in Kayden and acknowledged it; his wife did not. “Kayden, you said you were thinking about going back into the Marines?”

“Yes,” he said, shifting in his seat, scooting it further away from Bella’s, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. “I’m going to take a little time off, spend some time in my own country. Enjoy my time alone.” His eyes darted toward Bella, and then down to his plate. He took another bite of mashed potatoes and swallowed.

By the time dinner was over, Brenda had ceased inquiring so much about Kayden’s plans, and had instead focused on the coming holidays. Holidays he intended to spend alone, and as far away from mistletoe as he could manage. Sitting on the couch long after Brenda and Jim had vanished to their room, Kayden stared at the television, determined to keep himself occupied. Brenda had placed a pillow and a couple of folded blankets on the couch for him to sleep. His car was snowed in, and they couldn’t even pry the front door open.

 

[Loveme]

Bella watched as he came through the door, beating his shoes off at the mat. But when his gaze fell unto her, she averted her eyes to the tv that was still on. Bella had finished helping when she had told her mother she spranged her ankle. She could still feel his gaze on her, until he avoided her and the couch completely.

When her mother called for her, she turned the tv off and noticed the empty chair. Of course, right next to Kayden. Let the akward dinner begin, because they all knew it would be. "I've always liked this chair, I've always sat here." She spoke cooly, avoiding contact with Kayden. She was going to remain cool, it was Christmas. Sitting down, she began to place the food on her plate. Bella remained silent most of the dinner, setting her glass down rather loudly as he spoke if leaving again. Noticing what she had done, she had tried to hide it. "I hope you enjoy your alone time."
It was the only thing she said during the entire dinner and when it finally came to a close, she quitely helped her mother put away the dishes.

A few hours had passed since her parents had retired to their room. Kayden set on one side, Bella the other as they watched tv in silence. Every so often, she would glance towards him. Taking a deep breath, Bella moved from the couch and trailed up the stairs. Coming to a stop in her room, she grabbed his jacket and the letters. Taking one last sniff and hug of the jacket, she moved back downstairs and stood in front of him. "I'm sure you would like this back, since our relationship is beyond fixing at this point it seems." Taking a moment, she shook her head. "I also have these for you, you can read them or not. But I would ask if you would. One last thing for me." Her voice had trailed off, handing him the jacket and the letters. "If you read it, at least let me know how you feel." With that, she moved into the kitchen. Maybe he would read them, maybe not.

Setting down, she replayed in her mind what the letter was she wrote to him the few days after her birthday.

July 31st

Dear Kayden,
It's been a few days since my birthday and I feel horrible about it. I tried to call you, but you wouldn't answer. So, I'll just explain what I felt in here. Maybe before you leave, I'll get an address that I can send it too.
I shouldn't have become so upset with you, every emotion there is, ran through my head that night. Our plans of spending our lives together, marriage and maybe even kids. To know that all of that stuff may never happen... It hurts.
I love you Kayden, I always have. That doesn't change, probably never real no matter what happens. You can choose to forgive me or not...
Then you also brought up how easy Alicia was... After how you always treated me and loved me. That's what hurt the most. I've cried non-stop since you left. I've kept your jacket with me everywhere. I'm even wearing it right now. I will give it back to you whenever I see you, if I don't, I'll keep it safe until you want it back.
Until next time,
Bella.

 

[Raivh]

The couch creaked when Bella got up to leave, but Kayden paid her no heed. His eyes only drifted after her when she passed in front of the television, blocking his view and distracting him from a not-so-interesting early Christmas program that would probably be running straight up until the actual holiday itself, a holiday he would either spend alone or with some of his buddies. Not anywhere near this house. His focus returned to the flickering television the moment Bella reached the stairs, and didn’t return to her until she reappeared in the living room, holding the jacket he’d given her years ago and a handful of envelope enclosed letters.

Staring at the items in her hands, not caring to hear whatever it was she had to say, he was growing irritated that she blocked the television, and was about to tell her to shove off when she placed the jacket and letters in his lap. An airy laugh burst from his chest, and he cracked a nasty grin, primed and ready with a reaction to her request. He watched as she walked around the couch and into the kitchen, and then he rose from his feet, following after her. The chair he chose to sit in was the one opposite her. Setting the jacket on the table, green eyes burning into hers, his expression stiff, he just sat there. Seconds ticked by, then minutes; the chime of an old grandfather clock sounded.

“I feel like you were a waste of my time,” he said, tapping the unopened letters on the wooden surface once, before he rose to his feet. “And I think being stuck here is a hellish trick of fate. I told myself I’d be a damned man if I ever saw you again, and knew if I did I’d want to go straight back to war.” Snatching his old jacket from the table, he stared her down as he stepped back, and tore his eyes from her when he turned around, giving her his back.

“And this shit belongs in one of two places: the trash or the fire.” A few long, slow strides carried him to the other side of the bar-style counter and to the trashcan. His foot hit the pedal, and the lid sprang up. Food littered the bottom of the bag. He shifted his weight and cast a malevolent glance her way, before dropping the jacket in first, and the letters on top of it. “Why would I waste more time reading shit you wrote, when I don’t want to listen to what’s been coming out of your mouth for the past several hours?”

Shaking his head, jaw taut, he licked his lips and looked away from her, to the ceiling. He swallowed, and then settled his stare on her once more. “I’m not here because I want to be. Your mother pressured me into coming, and I wasn’t about to decline her offer; she didn’t do anything to piss me off. You, on the other hand, just go up to your room,” he said, speaking in a low, even tone of voice, aiming to hurt. “Or fucking stay down here and watch TV. I don’t care. But I’m going to bed, and I’m not going to talk to you anymore. That clear? Understand, Bella?”

He removed his sight from her, and headed past the table, into the living room, where he flopped down onto the couch and peeled his shirt off over his head. Tossing it on the back of the couch, he muttered just loud enough for her to hear, “I don’t care about you anymore,” and got to his feet to reach for the string dangling down from the light. Every muscle in his torso was toned and had definite lines. Jerking the chord, the light went off, and he sank back down onto the couch to get comfortable.

 

[Loveme]

Bella had glanced up whenever she heard the floorboards squeaking as someone entered the kitchen. Some what to a surprise, it was Kayden. Watching as he set down, the room quite except for the chiming and clicking of the grandfather clock; and then the letters that were in his hand. Tapping against the wood. His eyes were on her, not moving until he spoke. When he spoke, she turned away. Whimpering at the words, she beard his chair scooting back as he stood.

Bella turned back to face him as she heard the trashcan lid opening. In went the jacket, next the unopened letters. It was taking all that she had to not cry, his words cut through her easily. Her jaw was tight, hurting from trying to hold the tears back. Bella had never taken well to being talked to like he was right now, but it hurt her worse knowing that he was the one saying all of the stuff. If she could only find the right come backs, she would be telling him off. He was making her angry yet again, the emotions filling her mind like they had earlier that evening. "Then you should of left earlier, when you had the chance. I expect you out, as soon as the snow clears." Her voice was harsh as she crossed her arms.

"I don't want to stay down here with you, never again." It was all she could manage, because just as he moved out of the kitchen, she couldn't hold the tears back anymore. They were flooding, right along with all the good memories she had of him. She had dreamt of the day she could see him again and this wasn't it. Pushing her chair back, she stood up and crossed her arms tightly. The only way to the stairs, was the living room. When she came to the entrance, she heard his words.

Bella had no idea that the man she loved, had loved, was shirtless on the couch. "Sorry i just turned out to be a waist of your time..." She murmured loud enough for him to hear now that the tv was off. Bella turned and made her way up to her room. She shut her door and a few moments later was changing into pajamas. after she was done, she climbed in bed and let her self break down. What she had wanted to do ever since she had saw him. A few hours later, she was asleep. The covers pulled over her head.

~The Next Morning~

Bella had started to wake up around 9:00 A.M., and had forgotten about what had happened the previous night until it all come back to her. Whimpering at the thought, she made her way to the bathroom to freshen up and fifteen minutes later she was downstairs. Noticing that her parents were up and Kayden's car was still snowed in. "Morning.." Bella spoke gently, grabbing a cup of milk and pushing it in the microwave. She was making hot chocolate. Something she had always done whenever it was cold weather. Just like it was today. When the timer went off, she poured the mix and started to stir it. All the while sitting down at the table. Wondering where he was, she tried to shake it away. Ignore any thoughts of him, it's done.

 

[Raivh]

Lying stretched out on the couch, his arms folded behind his head, having ignored her statement that he should have flown the coop when he could have, and that she didn’t want to be around him, he heard her feet shuffle over the carpet in the living room. He made no move to open his eyes, or to grab the blanket and pillow he’d left untouched at his feet. Despite being bare chested, he felt warm, hot even, and he could when she spoke that she wasn’t looking his way. His jaw went taut hearing the tears in her voice, and his stomach tightened into a harsh knot. Further clenching his jaw, he opened his eyes when he heard her heading for the stairs. Each slow step she took to climb up to her room throbbed in his head.

When he heard the door shut, he turned onto his side, propped up on his elbow, and stared at the staircase that led upstairs to her bedroom. In the quiet of the house at night, he could hear her clattering around, gathering her clothes to change. It was a long several hours he kept his eyes locked on those steps, his brows knitted together in a crease. By the time he finally moved to lay back down on his back and get comfortable, his muscles and joints were so stiff that he groaned in mild pain.

Another several hours passed in silence. Outside, he swore he could hear the snow falling from the sky, knew he heard it sliding from the roof. Turning his head to the side, he glanced at the green digital numbers on the entertainment center clock. It was just a few minutes before five in the morning. His eyelids were heavy with sleep. Sitting up, he dropped his feet to the floor and placed his elbows on his knees. He slid his hands through his short-cropped hair, the brown locks slipping easily through his fingers as he let out a sigh and stared at the carpet between his knees. After a long moment, he lifted his head and rose to his feet. Without moving, he spun slowly to look into the kitchen.

The grandfather clock rang out when the hands struck five, and Kayden was padding quietly into the kitchen, rubbing at the tension in the back of his neck. He came to a halt in front of the trashcan. Moistening his lips, he turned the lid up, stepping down carefully on the pedal. After a glance toward the living room, he reached in and retrieved the bunch of letters Bella had carried down to him and asked him to read over. He left the jacket where it was, it was old, and now ruined, and wandered silently back into the living room. Pulling the string on the light, it flickered on, and he crossed over to the switch to dim it, and then walked back to sit on the couch.

Sighing, he set the letters down on his right side. For several minutes, he just stared at them, his brow furrowed in uncertain debate. The crinkle of paper was loud when he finally moved to pick up and open the first one.

Dear Kayden…it hurts. I love you, Kayden…how you always treated me and loved me…I’ve kept your jacket…even wearing it right now…Bella.

“Fuck,” he breathed, swallowing and folding the first letter back up. Kayden read a few more before standing up. He lifted the couch up and stuck her letters—still enclosed in their envelopes, a few of them loose—beneath it. The one he kept out was her first, which he folded carefully, envelope and message, and tucked it into the front left pocket of his jeans.

His lips parted, and he cursed once more under his breath, “Shit.” Slamming his fist against the back of the couch, the impact muffled by the fabric and padding, he let his arm fall to his side, his other folded behind his head, and fell asleep.

--

It was vaguely that he remembered opening his eyes when he heard her descending the stairs. Her folded letter was stiff in his pocket. He swallowed, and it was about another four hours that he slept on. By the time he woke and sat up, the clock above the entertainment center read 1:13 pm. With a deep breath in, he glanced around. Jim was seated on the couch, watching a game on the television. From the smell emanating from the kitchen, lunch had already been made.

“Do you usually sleep this late?” Jim inquired in a monotone, focused on the screen in front of him. He was seated in Bella’s spot again.

Exhaling, Kayden shook his head. There were a couple of cowlicks sticking up randomly on his head. “No.” His voice was gruff from sleep. Scratching his stomach, he glanced over his shoulder at the staircase and furrowed his brow. “Is Bella up yet?”

“Mm,” Jim grunted. “Been up since nine this morning.” He turned away from the TV briefly to look at Kayden, and when he had returned his stare to the flickering screen, asked, “You wearing your clothes from yesterday evening?”

“Well, I don’t have anything else to put on,” Kayden replied in a matter-of-fact manner. “So I guess so.”

“No you’re not,” Jim retorted, shaking his head. “Get off my couch and go shower. Clothes are in the closet. Should fit you. Wear a belt.”

Coughing once, Kayden nodded, and blinked slowly, trying to clear his blurry vision. “Alright.” With a shake of his head, he got up from the couch. Arms above his head, he stretched, the muscles in his arms, shoulders, and stomach flexing in response, contracting and relaxing. Groaning, eyes closed, he dropped his arms and turned to pad down the hall to Jim and Brenda’s room. He could hear Brenda around the corner doing laundry, so he entered Bella’s parent’s room without knocking, got a plain grey T-shirt and a pair of jeans out of Jim’s closet. Then he went to take a shower. When he emerged, his face and neck was red from the heat, and his skin was still steaming.

Setting his jeans on top of his shirt, still draped over the back of the couch, he sank down into the cushions. Silence filled the air between the two men, before Kayden spoke up. “Do you know where Bella is?”

Jim grunted and shook his head.

 

[Loveme]

As Bella had finished her breakfast and hot chocolate, she glanced towards the trashcan but wuickly looked away. Moving away from the chair, she crossed her arms and moved to stand in front of the sliding glass doors that led to their back yard. To the right you could see there horses, five of them huddled in the barn together. Trying to stay warm, to the left you could see where they had always had their parties. Down by the lake and fire pit. Yawning a tad, she turned around and moved back into the living room.

She could see Kayden still sound asleep on the couch, it reminded her of their days at the lake house. Smiling faintly, she crossed back to the stairs. Over the next few hours; she had taken a shower, unpacked the rest of her clothes she hadn't gotten to the previous day and threw the dirty ones in the laundry hamper. Her room was ready to be stayed in for a while, which is why she loved coming home. Being use to the snowy weather, Bella had brought along her snow pants and jacket. Laying them out on the bed, then her camera. She was planning on taking pictures of the snow, the frozen lake, the horses.

All that would come, but she wanted to help her mom. Her mom had been gathering all the dirty clothes up, putting them by the utility room's door. The woman as trying to keep her mind off of the previous nights talk. When they had finally gathered up all the clothes, she glanced towards the clock on the hallway wall. 11:45. Time for lunch to be cooked. "Mom... Let's go cook lunch. My breakfast is gone already." Grinning, she joked around as they both headed to the kitchen. A typical saturday lunch. Baked chicken, mashed potatoes and rolls. Over the next thirty minutes. That's what they done, cooked lunch for all four of them. Kayden included. Bella had ocassionaly glanced in to see if he was still sleeping, which he was.

After they had had lunch, she was pulling her snow clothes on and wrapping the cameras strap around her neck. "Mom, I'm going to take pictures!" She screamed from upstairs. Knowing her mother was downstairs doing laundry. Pushing the sliding doors open a few minutes later, she made her way to the lake. Her eyes darting to the same exact place that Kaysen had set during her party.
By now, the time had passed and it was around 1pm.

All she wanted, was peace and quite to ease her mind. Which is what she got whenever she took pictures. Snapping a few shots, she made her way to the horses, then to the snow banks. She was finished for now, as she headed back to the lake. Clearing some snow off one of the chairs, she set down and looked across the lake.

Back inside, her mother had heard Kayden ask where Bella was. "Kayden, she's out back. Taking pictures, you ought to go and find her." She spoke as she came into the living room. Sitting down next to her husband.

 

[Raivh]

When he heard Brenda speak up, chiming in with information as to where Bella was and giving him advice on what he should do, Kayden looked over at her. The two older adults seemed content to sit beside each other and watch television together. Rising to his feet, Kayden made his way around the house in search of his coat. A few minutes later, he opened the door leading onto the back porch overlooking the lake and the woods behind the frozen water.

The snow crunched under his feet as he walked, hands stuffed into the pockets of his jacket, eyes on the blinding light that reflected off the snow, despite the cloud cover overhead. Snow still drifted down from the grey-blue sky. Lifting his head, his eyes settled on Bella, and he stopped where he stood in the snow, still fifty feet or so back from where she sat. His breath seeped out from between his lips and nostrils in steady opaque streams, formed random figures, and then floated away with the cold wind blowing in from the north.

Approaching from behind, he came to stand beside the chair she sat in, his face forward toward the lake. “It’s below freezing, and you’re out here taking pictures?” he inquired in an almost mocking tone. His heart was hammering against his ribs. There was stubble darkening his cheeks from his lack of a morning shave, and he reached up to scratch it. Growing silent again, feeling tension from the comments he’d made last night, he kept his gaze strictly on the iced and snowed over lake.

He glanced down at her after a long period of silence. “Your dad hasn’t been out to feed the horses yet, has he?” Kayden asked, already aware of the answer. There were no footprints leading from the house to the barn. Clearing his throat, he pulled one hand from his pocket and swiped it under his cold nose. “I guess I can do him a favor, since I’m stuck here.” His green eyes returned to the lake, and then to the barn as he began trekking through the snow.

Talking to her had never been so difficult before. Every time he opened his mouth to speak, images of her face covered in tears flashed in his mind. Again, he cleared his throat, feeling as if he had a cold coming on. The more he thought about it, the more he began to realize he probably was.

“You should go back inside,” he hollered over his shoulder. “Your face is looking a little pink and wind-burnt!” Turning around in the snow to face her, he took a step backward and collapsed, disappearing beneath a snow drift and sitting flat on his ass for a minute or two before he pushed himself up and straightened back up. His expression was more pissed off than embarrassed, and he muttered curses at the snow.

 

[Loveme]

Bella could hear him walking up behind her, the snow crunching beneath his feet. When he spoke, she merely nodded her head. Not turning to look at him. "I'm doing taking them, it's just peaceful out here, tranquil. It's why I like taking pictures out here. It's beautiful."

Shaking her head at his next question, she spoke softly. "No, he hasn't." Turning to look at him finally, she could see his un-shaved face and he was in different clothes. "He said he would after the game ended. He would appreciate it if you did feed them. I was, but the seed pack was to heavy." The package was new, heavy. Shaking her head, she turned back to the lake.

"Im not cold, I'll go in when I'm ready." Bells as dressed for the snow. But she would admit her lips and cheeks were wind chapped. She had turned back just in time to see him fall on his ass. Laughing to herself, she shook her head. Calling after him as he stood and moved away. "What happened to not talking to me, or caring for me anymore?!" She stood, moving towards him and the horses. "Because that sure sounded like you cared, telling me to inside? I looked pale?" Pausing, she felt her jaw tighten. "That doesn't matter though does it? Since I was a waist of your time?"
Bella crossed her arms, staring straight at him.

 

[Raivh]

Kayden halted almost immediately after taking a few steps through the snow drift that he had fallen into moments before. Standing there, he made no attempt to reply as she approached. He watched the horses and his breath as it moved away from him in puffs. The closer she got, the louder her voice became, less and less muffled by the shortening expanse of snow between them, and the louder the snow crunched under her feet. When she was near enough, he turned around to face her, staring down at her as she stared up at him, her arms crossed.

Silence surmounted between them. The wind and the distant popping of tree branches were the loudest sounds, and seemed to echo in his ears along with her interrogative barrage of questions. Looking away from her, he moistened his lips and sighed, the stream of warm air filtered into the air and disappeared.

“If you’re not going inside just yet,” he replied, dodging her questions for the moment. His green eyes were locked with hers. He swallowed hard, remembering the tears that had flowed from those eyes of hers the night before. “Then you can come with me to the barn and show me where the horses’ grain is. It’s been so long I don’t remember where your father keeps it.” It was small lie. “Alright?”

Reaching out, his knuckles and the back of his hand grazed over the front of her jacket, and he slipped his hand between her crossed arms and chest to gently pry her wrist away. His hand slid from her wrist to hers, and he could feel the chill of her small fingers against his. On impulse, he tightened his grip and smoothed his thumb over the back of hers. He stared at her for a moment longer, before turning to cover the rest of the distance from where they stood to the barn.

As they neared the rusted red gate, he released her hand to open it. The contraption groaned, its hinges protesting as it swung open. Outside, the horses stamped their feet and snorted, gradually making their way back into the shelter of the barn as Kayden entered. Opening a door to his left where Jim had always kept the feed, he found the large bag and lifted it with little difficulty.

When he turned, spinning so that he could step down from the small room, he caught her eyes. “I said your cheeks looked pink, not pale. But your face will be pale if you get sick.” Setting the heavy bag of feed down, he shucked his coat off and stepped toward her. He swung it behind her and draped it over her shoulders. Pulling the bottom edges together, he zipped it up without waiting for her to either slip her arms into the sleeves or protest wearing it at all. The bitter chill of the wind nipped at his bare arms, causing them to flex and tense.

That itch at the back of his throat was rising again, and he coughed into his shoulder as he turned from her. “He’s got a couple new fillies it looks like. Mares almost. Got to be at least a couple years old,” he called over his shoulder, lifting the feed up off the straw covered ground. He grabbed a nearby scoop. Grain clattered against the wooden base of a long trough behind the wall. Standing on a stool a foot or two off the ground, he set the bag down when he figured there was enough for all five horses. Then he jumped back, landing sturdy on his feet, shoulders back and chest out, and turned to face her.

He stood there for a minute or two and studied her face, admiring her wind-flushed cheeks and nose. Dropping his gaze to the bag of feed, he grunted as he picked it up. “I read a few of your letters,” he breathed, speaking just loud enough for his words to reach her ears, as he crossed in front of her and into the small room again. Setting the bag down, his footsteps were heavy as he exited, stepping down to the barn floor again.

His eyes caught hers. “Read them at about five this morning, long after you’d gone upstairs to bed.” Exhaling, his gaze drifted away as he turned to close the door, and then back to her. A frigid gust whipped into the barn; rattling the grey fabric of the shirt he wore. Furrowing his brows, he brought his arm up and coughed into his elbow.

After clearing his throat, he crossed over to her. His hands came up to the zipper of his coat just below her chin. “Your lips are turning blue,” he murmured, looking down into her face as he slid the bronze zipper down a few inches. “You’re sure you’re not cold?”

 

[Loveme]

Whenever he spoke about where the seed was, she nodded gently. When his hand grazed the front of her jacket, Bella closed her eyes. Breathing deeply, she could feel his hand pushing its way through her crossed hers. It wasn’t long and he had her wrist out, he tightened the grip around it. Letting out her breath, she allowed him to take her hand and lead them to the barn.

Hearing the old rusted gate squeaking, she shook her head. “That thing is older then we are. The cold doesn’t help it out either.” She hadn’t been looking at the gate, her eyes were fixated on the horses trying to make their way back into their stables. Earlier, she had let them out to exercise a little. Bella followed him in, shutting the barn door behind him to try and keep the place warm. Pointing towards the room where the seed stayed, she crossed her arms and watched him closely.

Watching as he jumped down from the room, she shook her head and turned her gaze away from him. When she heard his jacket unzipping, she turned to face him. “Kayden, no don’t.” She shook her head but it hadn’t done any good. His jacket was already zipped up to her neck. “It doest matter if I get sick, I can take care of my self.” But the truth was, Bella had always gotten sick rather quick. He was right about becoming sick. Smiling softly for the first time, she nodded in thanks.

“You, on the other hand are the one that has been coughing today. Maybe you should go inside.” She had made her way to the newest horse, one of the baby’s that had been born a few years ago. Leanin against the stall, Bella rubbed her fingers through the horses’ mane. “You are correct; they were born two years ago. This one here, his name is Marine…” she let her voice trail off as Marine made his way to the trough grabbing the food up instantly. Her gaze adverted straight back to him as he spoke of the letters. When his eyes caught hers, she couldn’t tear her gaze away.

“So you throw them away, tell me that I was a waist of your time, that you don’t care for me anymore and then you go and read some?” She wasn’t being harsh in anyway, but her heart was still hurting from the previous night. When he coughed once more, she frowned. “You need to go inside Kayden, now.” Shaking her head at his next question, she shrugged. “I am. But I was only staying out here to get under your skin.” Finally, she tore her gaze away. Her hand moving down to his, she hesitated for a moment and took it in her hand. Without another word, she lead both of them back to the house. Stomping her shoes off, she set them on the back porch and trotted into the kitchen.

She hadn’t looked to see if he had come in with her or not, busy moving around the kitchen and grabbing two mugs and two hot chocolate mixes. Warming some milk up, she mixed the packets in and set them on the table. “Here” sitting down, she unzipped his jacket and laid it across the chair that was beside her. After a few moments of silence, she spoke softly. “What changed your mind, to read the letters?”

 

[Raivh]

He hated hearing her say that; she wasn’t a waste of his time, and he should have never said she was. Watching the frown tug the corners of her lips down and hearing her tell him to go inside, he shook his head. Both were in denial that they were cold. A lopsided, amused smile spread over his features, warming his eyes, when she explained that she’d only stayed out in the frigid temperature just to aggravate him. It hadn’t worked, but he didn’t want her getting sick. His eyes remained on hers, even as she looked away from him.

Following her back to the house, he waited until she had gotten out of her shoes before kicking his own off and pursuing her inside. The warmth of the house enveloped him, heating his chilled skin, and he moved slowly after Bella. He stood leaning on the counter, watching her set about grabbing mugs and cocoa packets, warming the milk and mix in the powdered chocolate. When she passed by him to set the mugs down on the table, he turned to take the seat she’d draped his coat over.

The only sound before she broke the silence between them was the television playing in the living room. Lifting his mug, green eyes on her, he took a swig of the hot chocolate before setting it back on the table. “I got over being an asshole,” he replied with a slight smile and a chuckle, gaze bright as it found hers. His expression sobered after a minute, and he brought his cocoa up to take another drink, averting his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he set the mug down again and slouched in his seat, leaning against the back of it. He looked everywhere but to her for a long moment.

“And seeing you cry because of something I said and did made me sick,” he murmured, glancing her way again. The chair creaked as he sat forward, and slid his mug away. There was a different tension between them now, not angry or melancholic like before. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, could feel it throb at his temples. Sliding his chair back, he got to his feet and reached for his mug. In the kitchen, he set it down in the bottom of the sink, and then returned to the table to pick up his jacket.

Vanishing, he returned it to the closet where it had been before he’d gone out to seek her out, and then he went to sit down on the living room couch. Her parents were still there, their eyes glued to the screen, though Brenda looked away from it to smile at Kayden. He settled into the cushions, trying to think of how to repair six years of separation between him and Bella.