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She Caught Fire [Amethyst]

The_PG

The_PG

Star
Joined
Feb 22, 2010
Location
EST
Boom-boom-bum-boom. The bass melody pulsed through Jermaine's forehead over and over again throughout the night, up until about two am when he popped four of the Advil he'd been saving for a situation like this. Somehow, he just knew it was coming, or maybe it was just that he was prepared for everything? Yes, that could easily be it. He rubbed his forehead slowly, massaging his temple, and sipped the sweating glass of water. This track needed to be finished now, and it was in the final post-productions stages, which meant the artist should be here breathing down his neck trying to get it out the door. The only problem was that she was nowhere to be seen. He'd been her manager for their entire lives, steering her through grade school, punishing the bullies in middle school, letting her cheat off him in high school, and once her rock music career took off he managed her music and the sharks that tried to drain her dry of every scent in her body. Yet, the worse possible thing was happening to Jermaine. Something was getting to her, something was burning her alive, it was destroying her from the inside. Herself.

The drugs, the alcohol, the sex, but mostly the drugs he knew she was having. Unprotected sex, drinking binges, whatever, cigarettes, sure so long as it's not a recording day, even a little weed he didn't mind. But it was something stronger now, he was almost sure, and there was nothing he could do. That, well, that he knew of or could think of.

That was why getting this track done was so important. Something deep inside of him told him that if he could complete this track for her, without her help, then maybe, just maybe she'd listen to him. Of course, Jermaine knew that was a fools hope. Impossible, but he had to try; he had to do something. He couldn't just sit there and watch her destroy herself, he couldn't eat, sleep, or do anything if it wasn't helping her.

"Fuck..." He breathed softly, she didn't even know how much he cared. Oh, she knew he took an interest in her, and wanted to help her. Like a brother, uncle, father, something, she knew that... But she didn't understand that he had dreams, and now nightmares, about her. An angel, a devil, a ghost. All these things she was to him and she didn't even know it. He had to tell her, he had to show her, he had to help her, he had to save her! He had to do something. Jermaine knew he had to do something before it was too late. He knew it. The phone rang, and his heart skipped a beat.

"Hello?"
 
Jay watched the show like a child who peers at candy at the store. Some guy was burning some concoction in a spoon, something that was a little of everything. What was his name? Johnny, Jimmy, Jack? It was something along those lines, either way he smiled showing his imperfect, yellowed teeth from years of cigarettes and a number of other poisonous candy throughout the years. Her pale green eyes skirted over the room, hardly registering the scenery. Drugged up bodies, trash, broken glass and drugs littered the floor, painting a picture of true rock bottom. Although it wasn't rock bottom for her entirely, she still had her career which took off even higher regardless of her consistent narcotic use. The other guy, which she decided to call Johnny, carefully inserted the needle in the dangerous liquid and vacuumed each drop into the syringe. Her heart skipped a beat as she reached for the rubber band that she expertly wrapped around her elbow, putting the other end into her mouth and pulling so that the wonderful blue, abused vein popped out once more. Johnny tapped the container, relieving it of any bubbles and placed the needle to her vein.

"You're about to feel the best you've ever dreamed of.." He said, voice hoarse as he injected the creation into her willing flesh. The sensation almost made her gasp, like icy fire flowing throughout her. Her eyes danced with stars and for a minute, the world felt incredible and nothing could touch her. Jay was flying. Then, she began crashing. Her heart started pounding too fast, her skin felt like the fire was overpowering the cool and her brain screamed for relief. Maybe she was dying, maybe that would be okay. She was supposed to be in recording anyways, maybe it was karma. Poor Jermaine, he's gonna be so upset that she couldn't show up.. Her world started turning black and her body was becoming numb. Maybe it was the drugs, but damn she felt so calm about dying. It wasn't as bad as people said.

"Yes, is there a Jermaine there?" she heard some lady saying, near her bed. Bed? Where was she? Trying to move, she felt tubes hooked up to her arm. Her eyelids were too damn heavy to open yet, but her mind was slowly clearing the fog. Drugs, room, Johnny. She actually was mildly surprised she ended up in the hospital. Usually people left OD'd victims where they were, to avoid being pressed by the cops. "Yes, she actually is recovering quite nicely. Lucky they came when they did.. Would have died if it had been a few minutes later.." Jay drifted in and out of the conversation. Did she say Jermaine? Oh no, he is gonna be furious with her.. Jermaine, her friend. Her best friend and protector. Who had something for her also.. That last part tightened her chest. Jay really wanted him to find someone else, or just leave the music business and settle down altogether. This shit was no good for him, her friend deserved more than that. More than her or what she could offer.
 
The phone call was worst than what Jermaine had come to expect. Typically it was a bar owner, or gas station manager calling him to come pick Jay up. She'd be covered in vomit, her eyes empty, and she would stink. He would always take her home, clean her up, force some food into her skinny body, load her up with advil or whatever over the counter pain killers were laying around the house, and tuck her into bed. The next morning she'd be sorry, and for the next week she'd behave herself until things started all over again. This was worse. Infinitely worse. Tears clouded his vision as he tried to drive to the hospital, that stupid beat banging in his head, he used the windshield wipers until he realized the tears were coming from his eyes and not from the heavens. Upon arriving, he hurried into the nurse, and when she tried to tell him that only family was allowed. He snapped a little.

"I'm the only fucking family she's got." He said, and he met the nurses gaze with a fierceness of his own.

Completely ignoring the fact that his skin was creamy chocolate, while Jay's was much lighter. Finally, the nurse let him through.

He hurried into Jay's room, and to the side of her bed. She was awake, and turned away from him when he entered. That hurt more than anything else; she knew he only wanted to help, but the problem was she didn't want any help. None whatsoever. He didn't understand; that too hurt. Why he couldn't comprehend her reasoning, she was always mentioning that he should get married, get a life, get a girlfriend. But how could he go devote himself to something, or anything else, when she needed so much help and he was the only one who knew how to help her?

"Hey..." He said softly, not needing to say anything else, it had all been said. "This was a close one Jay," His voice was firm, but gentle. "Why do you do this to yourself?" He gripped her hand, covering her small hand in his much larger one and gently massaging her fingers in between them. The physical closeness was something they'd always shared, but it was never sexual even though it had grown quite intimate. Their relationship was strange, and strained, Jermaine wasn't sure how much longer he could continue to watch Jay destroy herself... He really couldn't stand it, without him even knowing it she was destroying him too.
 
Her body began to slowly gain consciousnesses, as if it woke more slowly then her mind did. Jay felt the bruises that littered her body, the pain that ran along her arms and the hunger that burned her stomach. It was something that fucked with her for days, that endless hunger. Once she would salvage it, her stomach turned on her and threw up the contents it so craved for. The nurse came in, old and frigid as she read over the charts clasped in her hands. The old woman gave her a one over, eyes cold but piteous as they observed the frail woman that laid in the bed. Jay hated those looks most of all. Those eyes that radiated with sympathy, as if to say 'You poor child, what are you doing to yourself.' She raised a hand, and slowly gave her a one-fingered salute to which the nurse huffed at and walked away mumbling. Jay wasn't about to get those looks now, least of all from a person she barely met.

About ten minutes later, a commotion started outside, and a nurse was trying to argue with someone about the visiting rights, when that person retaliated in anger. That guy.. Sounding just like Jermaine. Her breath caught in her throat and she tried to stop the nervous twitch she gets when she knows that she did something wrong.. And that he found out.. He must have won the nurse out because there he stood, sad and caring as ever. Jay turned her head, casting her eyes to the wall in shame because she knew he would beat himself up over it. His hand was so reassuring, a safety net in the fall she makes herself endure. It was solid and soft, real. The young woman sighed, closing her eyes briefly before looking at her best friends face, that same handsome face that went through all her shit with her.

"It's who I am Jermaine.. I will always fuck up, and always do stupid shit. You need to learn to stop.... Stop beating yourself up over it. You can't save me, and it hurts to see you try. Please, this is no good for you." She said, her voice hoarse from the lack of water and coma-like sleeping. Jay brought his hand up to her lips, and chastely lay a kiss on the knuckles. It was her way of apologizing, since she was never really good with words unless they ended up a song. But now was not really a time to sing. Her pale green hues looked into the mans face, enforcing her statement she just said.
 
It took Jermaine a full minutes before he could find his voice after Jay's depressingly sad comment, and that lovely apology-by-kiss that she always pulled with him. Even once he did there was nothing he could think of to say, so he just sat their silently for another five minutes watching the machines beep and glow. He thought that maybe Jay fell asleep, but when he shifted to look at her face he found her staring back at him with eyes that seemed like they were trying to be void of emotion. But he could see it, just that little spark, that little piece of the fun, creative, positive Jay that he needed to believe was still alive within her. Of course, he very well could have been imagining it. The thought had crossed his mind before, but he always pushed it away; telling himself he was just being as stupid as her. He always laughed at that thought, even now.

When she looked at him curiously, Jermaine finally thought of something to say, "Are those the lines in your next song?"

It was the same sort of ignorance-is-bliss act that he'd been pulling for sometime. "Hey, look what I did..." He said softly, as he pulled his ipod out of his pants pocket. Plugging in the ear buds, he pushed one into her pierced ear, and the other into his own. He'd always thought her ears were cute, even though she tried to hide them with her long, dark hair. Pressing play on the iPod, he glanced at Jay as her latest song came blaring out over the small ear buds.

Just because...
You think I'm clueless,
Doesn't mean...
You can be heartless...

But Jermaine wasn't listening to the lyrics, he focused on the bass playing beneath the words. Mouthing out the beats with his deep, rangy voice that he rarely used; only when Jay forced him to sing some little part in her songs. It wasn't his thing, it was hers, and he helped her. That was just how things went. "I switched up the first verse, and the last bit... Do you like it?"
 
She watched with wary eyes, feeling that if she kept herself emotionless and said her words bluntly, that they would eventually run him off. They always did, and it was her way of showing she cared. By relieving them of her deadly habits and ways. Jay breathed, her chest heaving in and out as she fought to overcome the soreness her lungs inhabited by some unknown cause. In some ways, ending up in a hospital was fucking worse than hoping you miraculously recovered from an OD. There were numerous cops, numerous nurses with their mightier-than-thee attitude and plenty of paparazzi trying to get their fifteen seconds of fame on her. It was hell to be tossed into the public, but in the end, this sort of story is what the public goes crazy for. It was expected of a rockstar, wasn't it?

Her gloomy train of thought was interrupted by Jermaine's voice, prompting her to shake off those dark thoughts. He often avoided her questions, or ignored her requests to move on because he was just as stubborn as she. Sighing softly, Jay thought the words she spoke over in her head, and decided they would most likely pop up in one of her songs. It was true, after all. She relaxed as the earbud was placed in position and smiled, small and hardly noticeable but it was nice to hear her music brought to life. Glancing at the other man, her eyes sparkled momentarily as she saw him sing and tap along to the beat. He was in love with music along with her, and had an amazing voice even though her convincing fell upon deaf ears. At one particular verse, she gripped his hand once more, singing ever so softly the part dedicated to him,

I never meant to take you down with me,
we dance in the flames together.
Though I wish my love, it couldn't be,
I will walk the road alone forever.

Once the ending was near, she looked away once more for fear that he would see the shame in her eyes. Jay was a proud woman, and it killed her to show any weakness. Stating that he messed with the ending and beginning, she nodded softly.
"It's beautiful, Jermaine. You always know what I want.." She said, turning to look back into those deep eyes that were a mix of color and etched with so much... Care..
 
Brown and warm, Jermaine's eyes stared back into Jay's wild green eyes. Wild, because they never failed to capture his attention, his whole attention, every time he fell into staring at them. He was glad she liked what he'd done, but at the same time he didn't since that meant his job was finished. There really was nothing he could do to fix Jay, so he fixed her music instead. He was unsure of what to do next, should he get mad at her, it was nearly impossible he would have to force himself become angry and he hated himself when he did. Not to mention that he had tried that before, he'd tried everything. Tricking her, pleading with her, playing the hard-nosed parent. Nothing worked. The only thing he had not tried was leaving, but that was far too frightening to even consider. She would die if he left her. That much Jermaine was sure of.

Sighing, he relaxed back into his chair, leaving the iPod with Jay and placing his forehead into the palm of his hand.

His mind wandered, thinking about tomorrow and what this meant for her career, the reporters would be over this like hawks. Hard as he tried, it was impossible to hide anything from them, they wanted to know everything about Jay. What she ate, who she kissed, when she sneezed, and she wasn't even that big yet. Although it was coming, and the paparazzi knew it just as well as Jermaine. This last album had been a hit, and major record labels were coming at them with offers from all sides. He'd started working out contracts with a few of them, and it was only a matter of time before he found one that he liked well enough for Jay, it was funny, but event he companies knew that he made all of Jay's decisions. The important, music-related ones at least. If it was hard for Jermaine to understand Jay's decisions of life, it was ten times harder for the corporate big wigs and white collared works that worked for the producing companies. They didn't understand Jay's brilliant mind, how she made her music by simply composing her life, her tragedy of a life. It was Shakespearean, almost.

When he looked up again she was asleep. He left after placing a kiss on her lips, something he was pretty sure that she was aware of, but like their hands was generally accepted between them. First, he dealt with the police, and since there were no drugs on her, or around her, she wasn't being charged. But, she'd have to pay all of the medical, transport, and civil service bills out of her pocket. Insurance didn't cover this sort of thing. Unfortunately that wasn't an issue. Besides the drugs and drinking, Jay hardly spent any money, especially on things like cars, houses, or the really expensive stuff. Next was the news, and yes, there were two reporters waiting for him when he stepped outside.

"Mr. Spencer! Do you have any comments about the offer?"

Jermaine frowned, "What offer?"

"Oh, you haven't heard? Eminem wants to do a compilation record with Jay. Is she feeling well, why are you at the hospital?"

"I haven't heard, I've been busy," Jermaine checked his cell that he'd silence. Sure enough, ten missed calls, "She's sick. Just the flu, but it hit her kind of strong... We're playing it safe." Thank God for Eminem, ha, the press wanted to hear more about that then Jay for once. Finally, he'd caught a break. "I'll have to talk it over with Jay, but I'm pretty sure she's been wanting to do a compilation record for awhile. That's all for now guys, I've gotta get back to the studio, and get working on this."

The compilation deal was not the only thing waiting for Jermaine when he returned. There was also a stunning, surprising, and thought provoking email that he'd received from the insanely popular Disturbed group. They wanted him to come produce for them, and they needed him now, having just fired their longtime producer and director. Strangely, they made no mention of Jay, they wanted him. That was uncanny strange for Jermaine, and he fired an email back asking about her and how things would work out. Then he placed a call to Eminem's studio, and set up a meeting for later in the week. Giving the hospital a call before going to sleep, he mentioned neither offer to Jay before asking the hospital manger to make sure no press got wind of what was going on. A private room, if at all possible. Then, he went to sleep.

The very next day he went to visit Jay early in the morning, bringing Wawa Coffee and breakfast sandwiches. The only thing Jay was known to eat, "Knock knock." He said, but didn't wait as he pushed into her room.
 
Jay managed to keep her sigh silent as she watched the frustration pass through his face. She knew time and time again, he tried his best to discipline her in some sort of way. And she truly appreciated everything, but it never worked. It wasn't his fault, it was her own stubbornness. The pain in her body seemed to pulse, and her head began pounding with a newly found headache. She closed her eyes, only anticipating a few minutes of rest but realized she couldn't open them anymore. Jay felt his soft lips touch hers, wishing she could respond but it felt like her body was shutting down. Sleep, that's all she needed at the moment..

The girl woke up, sweat beading her forehead and a slight panic until she realized where she was. That seemed to happen often, forgetting where she was unless it was in the large, comfortable bed Jermaine laid her in at his place. She sat up, rubbing her eyes and sighing at the tubes in her arm. It was fucking irritating being cooped up in the room, especially when she was coming off of her recent drug binge. Maybe she could just leave. Being a rockstar should have some sort of privileges, right? She hissed as she slowly slid the needles out of her arm, and turned the machines that monitored her heart and status off so they didn't beep when she removed them. Slipping off the bed, she almost collapsed as her weak legs learned to walk once more. Walking to the little closet, she found a bag of clothes and shoes, thanking Jermaine he remembered to bring them. The small mirror hanging in the bathroom showed the face of a sickly girl, thin and pale but strangely pretty. Jay washed her face and pulled her waist length black hair into a ponytail. She slipped the jogging pants on and muscle tee, smiling as he put her favorite clothes in there. Comfortable before style. Grabbing a baseball cap tossed in the bag, she settled it over her head and fixed the ponytail so that that the cap covered her face enough to not be noticed. Quietly opening the door, she sighed with relief as she noted the nurses center was down the hallway, and no one was occupying it. She glanced back, and closed the door quickly escaping to the doors that led to the stairs. Once on the last level, she opened the door and managed to slip into the area that had vending machines. Fishing for a dollar out of her pockets, she grabbed a bottle of water and took a long sip before hearing a voice that made her freeze.

"What are you doing miss, visiting hours are over." The security officer spoke, sounding more tired than anything. Jay managed a small sorry before coming up with some story about how she was just leaving after visiting her sick grandma. Yeah, how cliche did that story sound? All the while, she managed to lean against the machine to avoid full contact with the man, and it was either by luck or by the fact that he seemed too tired to care that she was shown out, and once outside she smiled. Jermaine might be mad at her but she fucking hated hospitals and she seemed well enough. Sticking her hands in her pocket, she began a walk towards no general direction but ended up in some park. It seemed pretty enough to not be shady, so she decided this would be her place to be for the night. Her little cellphone was in her pocket, and she played with the device until it warned her to charge it. She finally laid on the grass, hidden in the shadows and free to look up into the sky. Damn, it had been awhile since she really chilled like this. Finally, the drugs the hospital inserted in her body kicked in one last time and she drifted off into a peaceful sleep. Not knowing that in the morning, Jermaine would be there to an empty room in which the nurses never checked because they figured she'd be in a medically induced coma sort of sleep. Plus, they didn't like her anyways.
 
Finding the room did not worry Jermaine at first, but it did surprise him. Wow, he thought, the hospital worked fast in getting Jay that private room. So he hurried back to the nurses station, and immediately all hell broke loose. It took nearly two hours to find the security guard on duty last night, and watch the tapes of the security camera's before they concluded definitely that Jay had gone and wandered off. That stupid girl! Jermaine cussed and tossed the food he'd brought for her into the wall before darting out of the hospital. Standing in front of the big building, in the even bigger city, he looked hopelessly left and then right. Where the fuck did she go? Was his first thought, and the second and third came back to back quickly.

I hope she's fucking dead, would serve her right.

Please be okay you fucking idiot!

Jermaine hurried towards his car, but upon passing a sign with one of those big red dot's labeled: You are here. He stopped, and glanced over the map. Seeing the park, he knew exactly where Jay was, but instead of calling an ambulance or the police he simply sprinted across the two or three blocks that separated him from her. Not noticing how far he'd run; his powerful, long strides carrying him quick as a bullet to the park. It didn't take long for him to find her, sleeping peacefully, curled up into a little ball. Thankfully her chest was rising and falling slowly; she looked so peaceful he didn't even want to wake her at first, but his anger took over quickly.

"What the fuck Jay!" He gave her skinny ass a shove with his foot, rolling her over and waking her up all at the same time.

"Jermaine?" She said, looking up at him.

"Who else would it be, fucking finding you in the middle of a goddamn park, you aren't high are you?" His eyes narrowed, "Good." She wasn't, bending over he scooped her up off the grass easily, his powerful muscles hardly straining as he carried her back towards his car. Jermaine held her like a baby, rocking her back and forth in his arms without really meaning too. When she cooed, and said something silly, he grunted and threw her onto her belly over his shoulder and smacked her butt to the surprise of a nearby mother who gave him a disapproving look. He growled, and continued walking until he reached his Escalade and was able to toss Jay in the back seat. Strapping her into all three of the seat belts as she sprawled across the entire benchseat, and then shutting the door.

The trip home was quiet, she fell asleep again, and when they got to his house he woke her up by placing her into the tub. He'd taken off her clothes, but left her underwear on, he'd been mean about the bath though. The water was icy cold, but in the end he had turned on the shower with hot water. Letting the cold stuff slowly drain away as he held the thrashing rockstar in the icy cold water.

He chuckled, "Well... That makes me feel better," He said as he wiped hair off her blue, chattering lips. "I bet you're feeling better too. Can I leave you to get cleaned up by yourself? Or do I need to strip you naked and clean you like the little toddler you are?"
 
Her dreams were a mix of color and nightmares. Flashes of her childhood and other odd things that somehow included itself in them. Jay didn't like bringing up her childhood, or the shit that happened unless it was in a song. She felt that she was being a pain in the ass victim by always complaining how rough she had it. At least in song, maybe someone else could relate to her. Her colorful, scary world was interrupted with a rough push, leaving her on her back and disoriented. It was Jermaine, wasn't it? Him with that same angry look and attitude he adapted once he had it up to a certain point. She grunted as he pulled her into his arms, sighing as she was pulled away from her comfortable position. She retaliated, slapping at his chest and trying to coax him out of carrying her. It just gained her an even more tight grip and a smack. To which she laughed only quickly at his actions. Once inside the large car, Jay scowled as she was practically locked in, but once the rumble in the vehicle started and passed through her spine, it sort of rocked her back to sleep.

The jerk out the car did it, it pushed her anger out and she screamed back. 'Let me go! Bitch! Stop your shit!' were her normal phrases even as he stripped her down. The water was too fucking cold but it actually felt nice to shower off the grimy dirt that clung to her skin. But his roughness only provoked her anger and she fought back, with no prevail, but swinging her fists against his stronger chest. Once thrown in the shower, she looked with eyes dark with anger. It wasn't so much a hate, just a temper she gets when woken up and fucked with. Getting the closest thing to her, which was a bottle of body wash, she threw it at him.

"Get the fuck out!" she yelled, before crossing her arms and turning around like the child she was at times. Removing the only piece of cloth she had, Jay grabbed the shampoo and continued her shower because anger or not, she really wanted to be clean and comfortable. From that angle, her back tattoos were in full display as they stretched across her pale skin and wrapped around her shoulders and lower back. Some of them attempting to hide scars that criss-crossed her skin from her past. Completely ignoring Jermaine, Jay continued scrubbing her scalp and fuming in the hot water, banging the soap and bottles around.
 
Jermaine was not simply a well trained dog. He stood there and watched Jay for at least a half-minute, admiring her form, before turning and stalking out of the room. He hated getting her angry, and normally avoided it like the plague, but right now he wasn't putting up with any of her shit, he decided. She was the one who had just OD'd on God knew what, and he had tons of shit on his plate. Combo record with Eminem, and the job with Disturbed? He had some hard fucking choices, and dealing with Jay was going to be the easy part of his life he decided. Picking up his iPad he checked his email and began reading through the emails. The one he'd been waiting for, from Disturbs lead singer, finally had showed up. They didn't want Jay anywhere near their group. She was destructive, bad-press, and going to be dead before she could legally drink all the shit that was killing her. Nothing to disagree with, but she was talented. Only, Disturbed wasn't in love with her, like he was. A sigh, as he closed the screen and glanced toward the bathroom.

"Hey," He'd entered the room without knocking and walked straight up to Jay. She was toweling off, but he ignored that and kissed her.

Firmly, and right on the lips. Dead center, both of his large hands cupped her tiny head and didn't let her escape.

Finally, Jermaine finished and let go. He placed his forehead against hers, and looked into those crazy green eyes of hers.

"I'm leaving..." He'd never threatened to leave before, so she knew he was telling the truth. Jermaine would never stoop this low just to get her to act right. He met Jays eyes, and smiled, albeit rather hopelessly. He kissed her again on the lips, and ran his fingers through her hair, before squeezing her ears like she absolutely hated him doing. "I'm going to get this collab deal done with Eminem, for you, and then I'm leaving... Disturbed, they want me to produce for them, and... I just can't... Do you anymore, can't, I just... I'm sorry Jay... I'll, i've always... I just can't." He couldn't say either.

He was such a pussy. The angry thought followed him all the way to the office after he left her at his house.

Dumb move, he thought, as he realized he'd eventually have to go back.
 
Jay managed to let her anger drain away, as she further progressed into the shower. Once out, she felt better and more ready to take on the problems that formed before her. As she ran the soft towel across her, Jermaine burst in and laid a lovely, firm kiss on her lips. It was confusing because he normally didn't just burst into the room and he didn't so boldly kiss her deeply. It meant.. Something was wrong. And her heart sank when he told her what exactly was wrong. A thousand statements came and went as well as a hundred emotions. Anger, sadness, why, how long, will you come back, please don't go. She stood there confused as ever even after he left. Tears formed out of sorrow and she cried, even when her mind tried telling her he was doing what she told him to do. It just hurt, fucking bad that her best friend wasn't going to be there anymore when she fucked up. It was just going to be her, and that meant that eventually, her bad habit would catch up with her and tear her down. Well, maybe that was for the best. Jay knew it would happen, sooner or later.

She didn't want Jermaine to leave with a bitter thought about her though, so she decided to throw him.. A sort of farewell party. Maybe that would relieve him of her but with thoughts of their better friendship moments. Walking to the room, she went to the section of his closet that was mostly her stuff. Jay practically lived in his house, as most her stuff was here from nights she needed to be picked up and cared for. She found what she was looking for, a cocktail dress that was white satin, lined with black lace at the top and bottom and cinched at the waist with a black belt. Her undergarments were in a drawer and so was her lingerie, which were black and lacy like the dress. Slipping on the clothes, she walked to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, grabbing a brush and removing the knots from her drying hair. She grabbed pins and took half of her hair and pinned it back allowing her face to be seen but her long hair to flow freely. Her makeup bag was under the sink, to which she lined her eyes with black and light eye shadow to make her big eyes stand out even more. A little blush and red lip stain made color appear on her pale face and a pair of small diamond studs in her ears along with the other ones that were already there finished the look.

Next, she called a restaurant that held Jermaine's favorite food and ordered plenty. She remembered him mentioning it at one point. All she had to do was slip on these expensive, red heels that were a gift from a store. Jay looked at herself in the mirror, running hands over her figure and nervously fidgeting. She wasn't really good at dressing up or knowing what people wanted in her. That's what the makeup people and professional "dressers" that were hired for events were there for. If it was up to her, she would show up to the awards in her jeans, shirt and converse. The bell rang and she quickly grabbed her card, and opened the door to a boy holding the bags of food. He stared, mouth agape and eyes wide. She smiled, removing the bags from his hand and throwing the card in his other, to which he awkwardly moved to his little machine. Jay retrieved her card back, and signed a paper the boy had and gave him a small peck on the cheek. Anything for the fans, she thought as they were the ones who also supported her through her crazy antics. She placed everything in their respective places, even going as far as lighting candles and even replacing the alcohol with cups of this juice she very much enjoyed. Hearing Jermaine's car, she glanced one more time and stood next to the table awkwardly, fidgeting over her dress as she waited for him to walk in. Either he would be mad still and walk away or laugh at Jays attempt at saying sorry. Or she was paranoid and think this whole idea was stupid and would leave her looking foolish.
 
Jermaine half-expected to find Jay strung to the ceiling fan by an electric chord, and the other half expected her to be gone. So it went without saying that she completely surprised him by being in his house, and still alive. Not to mention that, she had cleaned up, put makeup on, got dressed up, ordered food, and put candles on. The candles put her over the top, he cracked a smile, and glanced about nervously. "What did you fucking break?" He asked, as he remembered the last time she'd done anything nice for him was when she had sent a two-hundred dollar bottle of wine through the drivers window of his old Escalade. Now, he looked for his TV to have a knife in it, or part of the house to be on fire at least. When he found nothing wrong, and Jay assured him it was just her trying to be nice he finally looked at her.

"Thank you," His long arms reached out and wrapped her in a firm hug.

When he let go, he noticed a slight wobble in her steps, and glanced at the red shoes.

"Really? Do you wanna break your ankle now, or something?" Reaching down, he gently and delicately lifted her thin leg and removed one shoe, then the other. Stepping up, and back, he stated, "I'm hungry as a wolf... This new deal with Eminem is gonna be a bitch, I can just feel it, I hope you wanna make some bitchin-assfucking music with him. He's crazier than you."

Try as he might to play it off, Jermaine was floored by Jay's effort, but it still wasn't enough to keep him from going. If that indeed what she was trying to do, but for some reason he got the sense that this was a going away present, rather then a party to try and keep him to stay. As they sat down to eat, and he sipped his drink he winced. Juice? "Look Jay, I appreciate the gesture, but if there was ever a time I would let you drink... It's now, because I'm not drinking whatever that healthy shit was." This, of course was coming from a man who drank concoctions of protein and energy shakes that would make a pig turn it's nose up. He stood up, grabbed a bottle of wine, and popped it open. Pouring them both a glass before sitting down to the table once again. After a seconds silence, he realized he did not want to have an elephant sitting in the room; regardless of what the dinner was for.

"Jay... I'm still going... I've, made up my mind."

His eyes were soft, caring, but it was obvious that his decision was final as he looked across through the candlelight into Jay's eyes.
 
She sighed in relief as he removed those heels, which already sent her feet on fire. Honestly, how women constantly wear those bitches always surprised her. Jay leaned into his hug, and only smiled at his comment. She was actually very excited about the collaboration, especially since she herself was a fan of his music. It was like hers; crazy, funny and always with a meaning. It was going to be extremely interesting to see what sort of creation they would make. When they sat, she sort of pushed the food around with her fork, taking only small bites as her stomach played that fucked game of wanting and rejecting. When she took a swig of the juice, she coughed at the foul taste and scrunched her noise up. Jermaine always had some weird tasting shit that was supposed to be healthy but never tasted the least bit good. So she was relieved when he grabbed the wine and poured them both a glass.

"I know.. I just.. I know." She would reply to his comment, looking anywhere but his eyes. Her own would be wide, sad, angry, dull, tired, all of which she didn't want him to see. So once she settled with empty, she looked into those eyes that stared back at her for so many years, in many ways with many different emotions. Jay sipped the chill drink and appreciated the exceptional taste and refreshing affect. Her smile was small, but it beat nothing at all and she laid her small hand in his and ran a thumb across his knuckles. Their touches were often, just a reminder of each others presence and to let each other know they were there. Their touches have gone farther, and things have gotten hot and heavy, but they never really.. Had full on sex. Maybe it was her casualness or his uneasiness, but it has never gotten that far. She wondered.. Maybe that would be his present. She had nothing else to offer, and money wasn't really an option since they both had plenty. Bringing his hand to her lips, she once more laid a kiss on his knuckles like in the hospital, and bit his skin as a little extra. She flashed her green eyes towards him, wide and empty and uneasy as she wanted to let him go, but wanted him to never leave altogether. And just maybe, being with him intimately would leave them with a peace that would stay as they went their separate ways.
 
The wine tasted good, and for once Jay was being good company. Well, until she kissed him and bit him like that. Jermaine knew what that meant, even though it had never went that far he was still uncomfortable with it. Now, of all times, was not the place. He pulled his hand back and gave her a finger wag, his index finger jumping from side to side, "Nono Jay-jay. We're not gonna fool around just cause I'm leaving, in the hopes that something might happen, we're not that desperate. You're not that desperate, I'm not that desperate, and we both had our chances... to..." He couldn't form the words to the rest of what he wanted to say. To tell each other that we were in love. That wasn't going to happen tonight, and tonight he was also more unsure than he'd ever been if he loved Jay. Could he really leave the person he loved more than anyone else he'd ever met? Yes. Why? Because he obviously did not love her that much, no, that couldn't be it. It was because, he did love her that much. That's why he was leaving her. To let her grow up on her own, and stop cleaning up her mistakes, to give her cold dose of reality and deny himself something that he'd wanted... Since he had met Jay in the first grade.

Her black hair waving back and forth, he bright smile outshining all of the other kids, and her bouncing up to him to welcome him!

The first black kid in the whole big suburban school, and there was Jay right at his side. Pulling him into her game of hide and seek.

God, memories sucked, especially with alcohol in your blood. "God you're such a dork... Remember our first dance? In junior high. You wouldn't wear a dress, shoes, or even a skirt. Capri's and a beater... I had my first tuxedo, and... I didn't give a damn. I made your tiny little ass get dressed up to the nines. I shoulda made you wear a ball dress, but I think... Yea... Yes, it was just like what you're wearing now." Jermaine finished his glass of wine, and poured another. "I still don't give a damn Jay-jay. Not about anyone, but you... That's why I'm doing this, you're gonna be the next big thing and someone else is gonna be there with you... Well, or you'll be dead." He chuckled, and sipped, "I did let you wear sneakers though."
 
Jay blinked her eyes, slowly trying to regain all those emotion that threatened to burst at the surface. She wanted to yell at him for being a bastard, she wanted to hug him and tell him how sorry she was and she wanted to break everything in the damn house. Instead, she leaned back in the chair and tilted her head, indicating she was listening to his story. He always said that it was cute when she did that, that she looked like a little puppy. That's when Jay realized what she was doing and straightened up, hating being called adorable like that. Her laughter came out light, sort of hoarse as its been awhile since she really used her voice at all. Standing up and leaving her food there, she walked to the large stereo system he had and looked through his collection until she found what she wanted.

Popping the CD in, she pushed the play and grinned devilishly as the song that they awkwardly danced to in junior high. She danced to where he sat, grabbing his glass and taking a sip before pulling at his hands so he could stand up. There wasn't going to be talk of leaving or death or anything, she just wanted to show him the great memories they did have together.

"I believe it was something like this," Jay said, throwing her arms around his neck as he would instinctively put his around her tiny waist. This was the cliche way they danced all those years back, friends that everyone assumed were more than that because of their obvious chemistry. "Remember when the kid, Adrian, tried to get me to have sex our freshman year, and told everyone we did anyways? Oh my god, then you heard it and got so mad.. You fucked him up for spreading those rumors.." Jay laughed, remembering how Jermaine walked to the kids house and called him out. The best part being Adrian was a Senior. That really spread the other rumor of her and Jermaines "relationship". But really, it only made them closer as friends, and let everyone know that. He was her protector, and she his best friend. Those titles remained through the remainder of school.
 
Dancing Jermaine could handle. Especially when it came with such happy reminiscence, for that was very much against Jay's character to bring up happy memories. He was glad to hear those bubbly words, and that incredibly cute laugh coming from her cute little face. He did realize belatedly how dangerous her hips were though, as he placed his large hands on the waving, rolling, sliding hips that became her ass and thighs whenever she liked. With a chuckle, he nodded in response to her question. "I got suspended for three days, for his three buddies that I gave black eyes the next time... You white people can't fight for shit, well, you dudes can't. You crazy bitches and your cat fights, shiiiit."

His eyes flashed with memory, as he easily gave Jay a little spin, and they continued to twirl around the room.

"I remember you with Lauren Baker. She'd kissed me, after a football game, boy... You tore half her hair out!" With a tilting of his head he added, "Not to mention the bruised shins you gave me afterward, when I pulled you off of her." Shaking his head now, he leaned over and planted a gentle kiss on Jay's neck. Not meaning to mean anything, but just getting carried with how pretty she looked in that dress and how close they were. Plus all of the good feelings from the wine, and the happy memories floating behind his eyes. It was just a quick kiss, but immediately he wanted more and his mouth was dry.

His cock twitched, and hardened. Ever so slightly, but he was sure Jay would find it sooner or later; she loved teasing him.

"How about your first concert? That was crazy." He said, somehow thinking he could divert her sharp attention.
 
Jay laughed, at his comment and at the twirl. It was fun dancing, and she remembered just how much fun. It was also amazing to just be in his arms, just to be and not because she was falling over drunk or too high to navigate herself. Snuggling her face against his chest, she inhaled his scent which consisted of that cologne she always loved. Jay felt okay again and everything else wasn't so bad anymore. Even when he brought up that particularly not so fond memory.

"I only fucked her up, because she cheated on YOU and expected to still hit you up? Ugh, that bitch was shady." Jay said, wrinkling her nose in disgust. She didn't stop hitting the girl until she was pulled off by Jermaine, and that was because the cops were coming. Her train of memories were interrupted by his light kiss, nothing major like in the past but it still managed to send chills down her spine. Jermaine also had a moment of pause, a hesitation that made her smile mischievously. Playing with him always made her laugh, especially after another song came on that was faster and switched up their style. She turned in his arms and had her back against his chest, shaking her ass and holding his large arms around her body.

"Yeah, that was always a great memory.. At least what I could remember." Jay said, completely switching subjects with him. The concert was their first, it was their wildest and most unprepared show. Jay was drunk out of nervousness, her band was high off something and Jermaine was running around trying to find the fucking tech people. But in the end, their pure energy and rawness came out when the music started and the audience saw that. That's what helped catapult them into a higher level of fame. It was a disaster but a damn perfect one at that.
 
"The perfect disaster," Jermaine whispered softly, enjoying this new position in their dance together. "That's what you called it. I called it a fucking suicide note, mine... Ha, I swore to God that I'd never do that again, I think I almost pulled your hair out on that one... It was truly amazing how you pulled that one together Jay, that one, was all you."

Her ass was... Tempting, it made the already growing inside of his pants. The smooth skin on her neck too, making his mouth dry, and the only way to make it water was to taste Jay, or so it seemed. He held her tightly, trying to avoid all of the temptations and simply remember the music. The times they'd had together. All the close calls, funny embarrassing moments, awkward conversations, incredible make out sessions and heart-to-hearts. It was a wonder they hadn't slept together, and it had mostly been his doing he was sure. Not because he could think of any good reasons (he knew they existed), it was just that he couldn't fathom Jay having any sort of reason whatsoever for her to not do it. She would not have thought twice, if she ever had.

He heard her humming something, and leaned over to whisper into her ear. Not realizing how much closer that placed them together, or that his hands were now on her stomach now. One slipping up toward her tiny breasts and the other sliding down toward her crotch. "What are you thinking about?"
 
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