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Ramblings of a Super Sadist; Lacey's Experiences

xWickedBlackLace

xWickedBlackLace

Star
Joined
Mar 23, 2010
The Doctor released me.
A case of underjoyed.

May 5th, 2010
Music: Tomorrow- Sixx A.M
Mood: Pensive

Well, it appears that I worked hard to get where I am now. I wouldn’t trade the fact that I have to make it through school by my own means. My father won’t help me pay for college but because he makes so much money I can’t get a loan. I wouldn’t trade that for the world. It defines me as a person to work 40+ hours a week for what I have. It gives me a sense of independence and a sense of self that I never dreamed I would achieve.

Spring should be the time of awakening. It should welcome life and bring a refurbished sense of self and a newfound appreciation for nature. April, May, and June are always three very emotional months for me. I don’t expect to extract sympathy from them, but I can’t deny the fact that my body psyches me out on a daily basis. I hear babies crying and tears push at my own eyes. I see them running about and think of what I should have had but it was lost to me. No wonder why it’s been so hard to get out of bed. It’s a shame that I had to destroy something so beautiful, so natural, because of modern society. The fact of the matter is; we do what we do for a reason. I did what I had to based off of circumstance. How am I supposed to bring a child into a world knowing it’s father would be an Addict? An abusive one at that. I know this in my heart. My literal body does not. I do not regret the choice I made.

I have been described recently as very ‘attention grabby’. I can understand how people receive me as such because I love the spotlight. I have talent and I love throwing myself out there. I love making the people I care about feel like gold. I love making my enemies feel low. I love supporting our troops. I love supporting our firefighters. I love empowering women by way of dance and self expression. My entire life has led me towards these things and I’ll do my best to fill Spring and Summer with all of this and more. Unfortunately I don’t see myself changing anytime soon.

List of things to do:
Prepare my yearly dance for the Relay for Life this month. May just snuck up on us, didn’t it?
Pick out what to wear to the Fireman’s dance on the 22nd. Could it be that I get to buy a new outfit? :3
 
Your life is only bad if you let it be. You have the reins. It's fucking hard making it on your own, but it gets easier with time. Nobody controls you, but you. If somebody tries to fuck you? Fuck them harder. It's okay to be a little selfish from time to time.
 
Marketing people like to say perception is reality. Which is patently false, in the way they mean it, and we all know that. Shitty stuff is shitty stuff, no matter how people talk it up.

But the phrase does have a point when it comes to reactions and attitude. Awful things happen to people all the time, people are faced with choices where neither outcome is going to be good, fairness is not a concept that the greater universe invented and thus it doesn't pay attention to it when things occur. And through it all, it's our attitude toward the things that happen to us, our reactions to it, that allow us to view events as positive or negative. You get shafted with a raw deal, you draw strength out of the overcoming, a sense of self and capability that you might not have had if you'd actually gotten the easy benefit. And that's because you view it the way you do. Your perception turns what happens into your life into the reality you want it to.

It happens the other way around for a lot of people, too. And the thing is, it's all true. If you get worn down by troubles or lifted up by challenges, it's all true, for each given individual with each given reaction. It's all honest, for who you are. But if varies, you see. Honesty and truth isn't necessarily the same for two different people. Truth varies, which is a weird concept but... given what you've gone through, given how you've reacted to it, I think you can see what I'm getting at here.

Good journal. Well-written, telling without over-explaining. You are an honest soul, in your manner, Lacey (and really, all anyone can be is "in their manner," so I meant that positively as a reference to natural subjectivity, not as a knock). I hope you keep spinning your perception for the greater; we could all stand to do more of that.
 
Your words are always encouraging, MM.

I've seen too much in my lifetime to revert back to the way I used to be, or let my experiences knock me down. They are there so I can learn something, so that I could be a better person. I wouldn't have traded them for the easy way out because I probably wouldn't be the leader I am today. I don't see my life's outlook changing any time soon!
 
Things You See In A Graveyard

May 4th, 2010
Listening To: Flesh is the Law: Genitorturers
Mood: Content

I had a few kinda funny things said to me last night over the phone. Actually, I lol'd pretty hard.

"I love you!? How can you be so fucking cold to me? I have feelings too."

HAH! You bullshitted your way through our friendship, lied on multiple accounts to try and get me to commit to you and I'M the one that hurt YOU? Why don't you just stop lying? You may actually succeed in life to a point where you don't have to lie over the internet to feel good about yourself. I'm still speaking to you. We're still friends. Take that and feel honored.

"You didn't cry over me or anything. You are showing no emotion."

...uhm...that's because I didn't honestly expect any more from you. That, and I don't cry over boys. Boys aren't worth it. Especially untrustworthy boys.

Where are my manners? I should say todays thank you's:

I came home to a letter today. "Help Secure a brighter tomorrow for your child", from the Gerber company. Oi, Thank you to the month of May for, without fail, reminding me of last year.

Thank you to my mother. I look up to you, truly. You remind me of everything I never want to be. You remind me of what it looks like to let yourself be emotionally traumatized and abused by a man. You remind me of how I don't want to be a sociatal leech by trying to claim their self-imposed bipolar disorder as an actual disability. Sure, I'm fighting Bipolar disorder myself right now because of you...but I'm too good at keeping my spirits up to let it take over because of a few lowsy genes. I love you, tremendously. But you remind me of what I never want to be.

Thank you meditation and Yoga for helping me lift my moods during my lows.

And thank you to those who take the time to listen. :) It's always good to come home to this sort of stuff after a hard night of work.
 

I think my friend said "stick it in the back of her head"
I think my friend said "two of them are sisters"
"I am a murder tramp, birthday boy", I think I said
"I'm gonna bash them in, bash them in", I think he said

Mood: Apprehensive
Music: Happy Birthday: The Birthday Massacre


I know I have Body Dysmorphia. But is it still a disease if you are aware of it enough to push it back and deem it ridiculous? Think about that.



You.

I hope you aren't legitimately upset with me. When are you going to wake the fuck up and realize that I mean no harm (...maybe to others. Never you). That I'm not like any other and I'll be true to you regardless of any circumstance? I respect you on too deep of a level to hurt you, and most certainly hope you didn't mean it when you said the words; "I hate you." You've honed a special place with me by sticking to your guns and withstanding the shake of drama. I shun those who try to deter me by telling me you are relentless and merciless. I respect you for your morale, and for everything that you are. But god-to-the-fucking-damn are you being unreasonable. We are going to talk today. Things will be back to normal. It'd be a damn shame otherwise.

Love Lace~ <3
 
I didn't mean to hurt you.
I didn't mean to break you.
But this is how it's done.

Mood: Exhausted
Music: House of Tasteful Men- The Vincent Black Shadow.


+ . L a c e y .+. said (8:30 PM): You sound like somebodies abusive fucking boyfriend. Shut the fuck up and get over yourself. Don't be a piece of shit. The persona may suit you, but it's definitely not attractive.

This is something every girl should have the gall to say. Perhaps there would statistically be less battered women. Then again some women like the battered roll. Wouldn't want to ruin their show, now. And you people wanted rights!? Psh. Don't wonder why we had such a fucking hard time obtaining them.


Exhausted now. Good day with Mindful ahead of me. :)
 
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save.
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save.


Mood: Exhausted
Music: Your Ex Lover Is Dead - Stars
May 21st, 2010

Oh god, do I have some amazing people in my life or what? Holy fuck has it shown in the past couple of days. <3 Alot of the dead weight dropped off too. Which I am also grateful for.

I'm going to be really damned busy this weekend with the Fireman's Dance and whatnot~ I'm also joining the ladies auxiliary so I'll be cutting way down on my net time! Much more so than I already have. I'll go onto my En-v to greet people and reply to PMs though. That little thing can't do much else. So deep apologies to my RP partners that have been waiting! It'll happen sooner than later~ Today is going to be chaotic, but I get Greek food 8) Ho shit.

All I got for now. Not much to say as I'm in a pretty good mood. I got a raise at my job. :3 So smitten. <3

TTFN!

Lacey

Vespers: A special shoutout to you, lady. I haven't heard from you in quite some time and I hope that you are feeling so much better. <3 Contact me PLEASE.
 
RP Status Updates:
If our RP is not on the list, if you want to discuss or rekindle one, or if you want to start one with me, please drop me a pm and I'd be happy to talk about it! <3 But this is for all you folk awaiting my posts. You deserve an apology and a reason why. My life is insane right now.

Teufelstanz (Vega) - Replying to
A Dragonic Guardian (Shyone) - Replied
Guarded Passion (MarxistPanda) - Replied!
Reflections (Kitten) - Replied!
Eternal Child's Play (Hahvoc) - Replied!
In Love With Teacher (Milenko) - Replied
U n b o u n d (Choku) - Replying to...
Bright Lights and Dark Deeds (Erato) Done!
Serving Revenge (3ngag3) - Awaiting Reply
Marek & Eratos Group - Replied!
Marxi, Vega Group - Replied.

Cut from 18-12. If your rp was cut, please...pm me if you want to discuss further plot.

Few more cuts, some I'm pretty sad about, but all for different reasons.
 
darkangel76 said:
WBL.... you're like me.... sooo many RPs that you're involved in. love it! <3
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Absolutely! They're like potatoe chips. xD It's hard not to get inspired by some people, just because everybody is different and there's always a new way to carry out a plot! So addicting, Da!
 
Teufelstanz mean's "Devil Dance" in german fyi. <3

I wish my rps didn't get land locked to one page. :< I wonder if I chase them off sometimes. x.x
 
Hehe, that's so fitting for them Tako!

I'm going to run through this horror flick of a dream I had.

First thing that happened is, I killed my dad. God, it's fuzzy exactly why I killed him. I think he was going fucking crazy or something, trying to kill me, so I put him out of his misery.

The next thing I knew I was running, on the look out for this substance that could eat away at my skin. It was caught between the doors and the windows. So my father, in ghost form, decided he needed to come after me. He couldn't corporalize until the substance hit me and turned my inside out so that he could take over my body and reshape its form.

It was fucking creepy. And graphic.

When I got hit with the substance I was definitely trapped in a car. There was a mysterious but helpful and unknown very large and looming male figure in the background who jumped outta nowehere and saved me...

More on this later. I wanted to psycho-analyze it...but it's much harder than I expected!
 
Another RP update from Lace~!


1x1

Sanctity vs. Carnage (Sanguis) - Replied!

Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been? (Novi Snow :3)- Replied!

Teufelstanz (Vega)- Replied!

A Dragonic Guardian (Shyone)- Replying to...

Guarded Passion (MarxistPanda)- Replying to

Reflections (Kitten)- Replied!

Eternal Child's Play (Hahvoc)- Replied!

In Love With Teacher (Milenko)- Replied!

U n b o u n d (Choku)- Replied!

As If That Wasn't Enough (Raz)- Replying to

Bright Lights and Dark Deeds (Erato)- Done!

Serving Revenge (3ngag3)- Replied!

Secrets Worth Killing For (Elehina)- Replied!

Groups

Falling From Grace (Marek + Erato)- Replied

Under the Glass Moon (Marxi + Vega)- Replied

Princely Iron (Nihil + Arc's Group)- Pending

Cut from 18-12. God it had to happen. I was getting loaded. If your rp was cut, please...pm me if you want to discuss further plot.​
 
R o l e p l a y F r e e z e​


Don't get me wrong, I'm not taking a hiatus or anything. Life has been fucking insane between staying up 48+ hours repairing my brakes and other things. BMR doesn't happen as much as it could. It happens to the best of us! But... ; - ; Why muse? Why?

Feel free to pm me some inspiration XD Light a fire under my ass so to speak.

<3 to pieces.

-- L a c e
 
Whoo to new editions! I should be dishing out the roleplays one by one after I wake up from my nap! Finally off today! Hehe.

<3 Lace
 
Template for "Sanctity vs. Carnage"

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The ∂ є м σ и in me must be є χ є я ¢ ι ѕ є ∂ not є χ σ я ¢ ι ѕ є ∂.​

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xWickedBlackLace said:
Template for "Sanctity vs. Carnage" # dos.
Yours are the fires of ∂єℓινєяєи¢є which shall bring me вℓιѕѕ
Yours is the cruel ѕωσя∂ that shall set my ѕριяιтѕ free​

คєℓιтн тαgнєιℓ​

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R o l e p l a y F r e e z e​


I know I haven't been as actively roleplaying as I'd like to be. My life is chaotic. I've discussed this with a number of my RP partners. If our RolePlay is dear to you and you'd like to press a sense of urgency on me, please let me know. I'd be happy to accomodate those who are exceptionally enjoying the RPs we have going. It'll help me make decisions in my next cut.
 
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