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My first shot at non-erotic writing <3

Openots

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Joined
Oct 19, 2009
It was quiet, too quiet. The frozen woods were usually buzzing with wildlife but tonight there was no sound at all. City folk didn’t venture deeply into the woods often, but it seemed the young woman running for her life was an exception. She wouldn’t get far, it had been a foolish idea; not discarding the extravagant finery that was common among the nobles.

Her hair was whipping about in the frozen air as she ran. Not far behind, a cloaked figure was gliding easily through the snow, small feet landing in the deep impressions the woman’s feet left. She knew who her pursuer was, she knew why he was after her, and she knew, there was nothing she could do to stop it.

Tonight, she was going to die.

It only took a mere moment to happen. The cloaked figure’s arm snapped up as a resounding “Boom” shattered the silence. It was almost as though an invisible missile had been fired at the woman, as the snow parted quickly in a trail heading straight for her. Her body went rigid before it was sent flying, only stopping after she smashed into one of the large white trees. Blood was running from her ears and out of the corners of her lips, but she would not die, not yet.

“Sophie Teryn, you have been charged with the crime of treason. How do you plead?” A hollow, almost mechanical voice asked the crumpled heap of a woman. She couldn’t hear it, and even if she could, the blast had destroyed her vocal cords and eardrums. “Failure to respond, subject is guilty by default. I hereby sentence you, to death by public execution.” And with that, the figure grabbed her by the wrist with a thin, black, almost skeletal looking hand and flung her over his shoulder as though she were a sack. Then as soon as it had begun, it was over.

It wasn’t until the next morning when they found her. She had been strung up from the fingers of large statue of the king, thin cord wrapped around her arms, legs, and head like a marionette. Her throat had been slashed open so the blood would flow freely down her body into the clean white snow. Though, the blood spelled something. “Traitor.” The King’s puppetmen, legal assassins acting in the name of the King, had struck again.
 
It's a nice read, though, I would have preferred to know more about why the woman was being chased/killed. But that's just me.

If you included a little more detail about the whole thing, I think it would flesh it out nicely. Thanks for sharing.
 
Well, it's simply an opening to the story.

I have oodles of extra pages I've been working on though I have to proof-read them and all that jazz.
 
It didn't really draw me in. I mean I git what you're trying to do, but maybe sinse you're trying sumething new I suggest you not get too adventurous yet. Not to offend you or anything, but it felt pretty emature to me. My suggestion for you is to reed more books to see wut kind of stuff peepol actually like too read. I'd say 'cool story bro' as a nice summery, but that's kind of trollish.
 
aboriginal101 said:
It didn't really draw me in. I mean I git what you're trying to do, but maybe sinse you're trying sumething new I suggest you not get too adventurous yet. Not to offend you or anything, but it felt pretty emature to me. My suggestion for you is to reed more books to see wut kind of stuff peepol actually like too read. I'd say 'cool story bro' as a nice summery, but that's kind of trollish.

I don't think you have a whole lot of clout with the rampant spelling errors you're reply was rife with, but I respect your opinion.

And I don't think it would be trollish to tell him it was a cool story, unless you didn't mean it. It isn't fantastically riveting, but s/he's working on something and criticism is good, if offered in a *helpful* way. Personally, I enjoyed it as I enjoy strange settings and political fantasies.
 
Well, I liked it. The action of fleeing from something drew me in. I'd like to know why she was trying to run. Post up some more if you've got the chance.
 
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