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Does dominant = more attractive?

Shovel

Shovel

Supernova
Joined
Apr 23, 2009
Hey there Bluemoon. Hows it going?

So I am a switch...I like to control and be controlled depending on my mood. However, I do notice that whenever I am in the mood to be dominant, I attract more people to me. Like when I am requesting roleplays on here where I am the dominant role, I get more replies. And in real life the same sort of thing happens...If I am being the leader, more people want to be around me and want to get to know me. But I don't ALWAYS want to be dominant on roleplays or in real life. So I guess this leaves me a little frustrated. >_<

So does being a more dominant person make you a more attractive person? Are human beings attracted to those who are leading?
 
I wouldn't say that they're attracted more to leaders, as opposed to people just don't want to take control. I've noticed quite a bit, actually, that most female role players on the site aren't that dominant, and bend over backwards to find someone who'll completely control their character in a sexual situation.

Personally, I think it's just being lazy.
 
Oh yes I knoooow. XD I noticed that most females on this site are submissive. Its rare to find a dominant one. Its kind of frustrating when I'm in the mood to be a sexy submissive and no one to oblige me. D: And it is rather annoying to control every single aspect of a roleplay... it does seem rather lazy. =/
 
H a r r i e t said:
I wouldn't say that they're attracted more to leaders, as opposed to people just don't want to take control. I've noticed quite a bit, actually, that most female role players on the site aren't that dominant, and bend over backwards to find someone who'll completely control their character in a sexual situation.
Click to expand...

I certainly hope I don't fit into this category mine Harriet~

I, too, am a switch, however I like the fight for power before the caving of one or the other party. >.>; That being said I guess I'm the odd one of the bunch? I'm picky when it comes to my submissives/switches though >.o;
 
To me, it doesn't matter who is dominant or who is submissive, it matters more about confidence. Some people will blindly follow leaders simply because they exude confidence- even if all they spew is lies. It's not necessarily about the dominant or submissive aspect.

It would also call to mind Alphas- people follow Alphas- TRUE ALPHAS- because there is just something about them that says, "Follow me, I can help and keep you safe-" amongst other things. It's about the bearing they have or their posture, or their voice, or their overall attitude. Usually it's a combination of all of those things that draw people to that.

With dominant people, they don't take the choice away exactly, it's that they have the confidence to make the choice in the first place.
 
I think Mad Hatter nailed it. Confidence is attractive.

But this doesn't only apply to dom characters/players!

If I play a predatory man ravishing a submissive girl, it helps to know that the person playing the submissive has a strong set of boundaries and an ironclad sense of the IC/OOC line. I do not want to dominate someone who is vacillating and hesitant outside of RP, in day-to-day situations, or has a need to be bullied. That's creepy. If someone shows confidence and a willingness to express themselves, that reassures me that what we're dealing with is healthy play-acting and a kind of personal release.

As opposed to, say, reinforcing someone's genuine sense of victimhood.

So, if somebody puts up an ad saying something along the lines of, "um... could a guy please do my schoolgirl/bully fantasy, I don't care how you do it and any kink is okay," I'm going to pass. Either they're a submissive who doesn't want to exert any influence on the story, or they're a guy cross-playing badly in order to act out their vacuous love-doll fantasies. (Guys who cross-play WELL are awesome, but hard to find.) Either way, I'd rather read dirty hentai than play with them.

And it goes both ways. If I play a submissive man - rare, due to the lack of dom female partners - I make a point of establishing what I am and am not interested in doing early on.

Other advantage of confidence: If you're confident, there's a good chance you take pride in your writing. This pride may or may not be warranted, but it sure beats apathy.
 
Yeah, Confidence is attractive. I've known that for awhile. XD But is there a correlation between confidence and dominance? Isn't a dominant person more likely confident and therefore more likely to be an attractive person?
 
I know a few guys that are very confident in themselves, but are submissive. They love a woman who will take what she wants without hesitation. They think that's hot. But I know very confident women who are also submissive. It seems to me that confidence can correlate between both equally. There was a book I read where a woman was very confident and self-possessed but very submissive in the bedroom. It was a way to let go of all that control and have someone else take the reins.

Some people however, just have submissive personalities.

So there's the key difference: Submissive doesn't always equal just the bedroom or vice versa. Some men have dominant personalities but are just plain assholes and some submissives are just plain weak. It really depends on the context of what exactly you are asking.

I find people to be more attractive if they are nice, honest, and caring. The more they show of their sincerity, the more beautiful they become. Sometimes being shy makes it more apparent just how much they are attractive.
 
Dominance and confidence are expected to go together, whether or not either are earned or warranted. But submissives can be confident, too. A lot depends on where the submission comes from, and that's different for everyone. Are they seeking a release from their usual in-control personality? Are they offering their fealty as a gift to a special someone who they love or admire? Do they know their value, as a person AND/OR a skilled servant? Bam: confident submissive.
 
I have a naturally submissive personality in real life. I'm submissive in the bedroom, for sure. But, I consider myself a fairly confident person. At least now, at this point in my life. My submission isn't because I'm weak or lazy or craving to be bullied. It runs much deeper than that. And I can also say that when it comes to my submissive relationship (which is hardly hardcore, I want to make sure that's understood before I go on, lol), there's a mutual benefit involved. I control many things in my life. From my kids to how the house is run to what bills we have, etc etc. So, when it comes to things I do directly with hubs (be it bedroom related or otherwise), he's my dom. End of story. BUT... another point. I LIKE submitting to him. I LIKE pleasing him in all ways. I get something out of that. And I know this is not something I could get from just anyone. A lot of trust is involved and I wouldn't be where I am in that regard if I didn't have that trust with him. The same goes for him too. He knows I'm not weak and he's definitely far from. He has confidence and is definitely NOT an asshole. Not even remotely close. In fact, he has this strange charisma that draws people to him, like bees to honey. It's crazy. Everyone who meets him, wants to know him better. YET... at the same time, he's extremely shy and would rather not have to deal with a lot of people at any given time.

So, bottom line. I think whether your dom or sub or even a switch, it's your underlying character that makes you attractive or not. Not whether you're dom vs sub vs switch. And I think that not everyone has the same opinion as to what a dom or a sub truly is. It could be that there are differing definitions. But, the one I have is what I more or less stated above. It can range from simple to hardcore to anywhere in between. But the mentality stays. hehe.
 
LOL! I've tried it and I am MAJOR FAIL! XD
I end up feeling 'off' and 'awkward'. It just feels... wrong... for me.
But, at least I've tried (and more than once). lolol.
<33333
 
Mr Master said:
Anybody who says there's only one "right" way of doing ... ANYTHING! Really hasn't though tit out.

Good on all of you.
Click to expand...


'Though tit'? I read that as Tough tit xD

But yes Switch is best <3...
 
As a submissive, it does seem to be a statement that makes sense. However despite that, I don't think that it is ultimately a determining factor that matters to me personally. Yet it does seem like as a general trait that more dominant people get more attention, although mind you a lot of this stems from personal experience that is rather limited.
 
I don't feel like being dominate makes you more attractive in the least. I'm very much a switch and I have characters that are on both sides (and middle) of the D/s line, and for me personally, it just comes down to three things in either case.


A) Is this person really enjoying what is going on, or is this their way of re-living abuse patterns?
I'm not a psychologist but in volunteering in women's centers has shown me a lot of ugly when it comes to that (Not saying abuse is limited to females, or that men are the only cause of abuse). I think the idea of the "Iron clad IC/OOC" line Mirror was talking about is the truth. I'm not going to do *horrible things to a person because they simply say they enjoy it. Life has taught me that people lie to themselves way to much.

B) For a less feminist-y rant portion, is this submissive actually going to contribute AT ALL for the roleplay beyond *gurgles and screams*? Just because someone is sexually submissive does not mean they have no freaking back bone, can't fight back, have opinion, etc etc. It just means there is something sexually satisfying about submitting to another persons sexual whims. Thats it. I CANNOT STAND partners that do not seem to get the concept that "Submissive" isn't a be all and end all term.

and C) This goes with B a lot. A submissive holds all the power. There is a lot of pressure I feel for a submissive character, because if all they can do is *gurgle and scream* Then the roleplay is not going to be much fun, or session (if in RL). A submissive knows that their response both mentally, physically, and verbally, is what spurs the dominate. Now as to what that response is, that varies person to person, fetish to fetish.

Dominates too have the more or less the same three things just in reverse, my only real changes are B) and says; "I HAVE AN OPINION AND A SAY AS TO THE PLOT AND SUCH OF THIS ROLEPLAY YOU CAN'T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME" (A lot of dominates I've found seem to be so practiced with subs doing nothing, that when a sub actually has a backbone and such they get really weirded out).
and
C) Which states; "I USED THE SAFE WORD NOW GTFO!"

All in all though, perhaps calling yourself a dominate will get you more attention, especially here on BM as I've noticed, but realizing that is not a be all and end all to a character/person will make you a better, more attractive, person and roleplayer in my opinion. ^^
 
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