Trapped in the "COSMIC GENDER BENDER" Machine

[siSSyfit-Boi]

My favorite place to shop is Newberry Comics. They have an ample supply of cd's and dvd's as well as American "spandex" super hero comics like Batman and Superman, and the latest manga titles. On the shelves there are Tamiya model kits and sci-fi GKs from the Dr. Who T.A.R.D.I.S. right up to Battlestar Galactica. There's action figures like the Misa-Misa doll that can satisfy any gratuious fanservice fetish and cool and crazy swag from overseas that can complete any cosplayers outfit.

i enter as "sissyfit-boi" blonde hair with the peroxided dyed highlights and my eyes pools of liquid blue rounded globes. i'm wearing a pair of Calvin Kleins tight enuff to accentuate my curvacious bubble boy butt and "peachie keen" colored halter top that barely covers my Harry Potter Thunder Bolt navel piercing.

i spy the shop girl paging thru a fan magazine in gothic grab with glossy black nail polish and protruding metal nose ring which only adds to her charm. She looks up at me and sneers sarcastically. "CAN I HELP YOU... puh-leeeze!?!"

"Ahem.... yesss..." i stanner pausing only a moment to apply another coat of cherry favored, Clapstick lip gloss. "i'm looking for the latest new Anime Roleplay game called REX Nebular And The Cosmic Gender Bender!"

"Rex Nebular..." as i continue. "... is an intersellar adventurer much like the character Hans Solo from Star Wars in his space ship called the "Slippery Pig" is offered an amazing 25,000 galactars (which i think is a lot of money) to recover a valuable artifact from a mysterious, forbidden, Planet known as Terra Androgena. Much like the war ravaged world Olympus in Appleseed... Androgena is the results of a Battle of the Sexes... where the Superior Female race has been finally eradicated from existance the wretched sub-species known as man. For breeding purposes They have created an ingenious clever device named "The Gender Bending Machine"! Mysterious science thing, say like... the "Internet Penis Magnifier" where one merely has to log on his computer and his manhood increase in size to one or two inches...!"

The shop girl hisses. "YEAH... YOU WISH!!! If Women re-ee-ally ruled the world everytime a man broken up with a girl his penis would shrink by at least one inch!"

The shop girl just glows at me. "ARE YOU GONNA BUY SUMTHIN' OR WHAT?"

OOC: ALL are welcome to post! The Gender Bending Machine has all sorts of roleplaying possibilities, a central theme cuz to visit other areas of this world like the city Macho-troplis or the Undergound Haven you need to be of the proper gender... Be warned constant switching back and fore may cause a machine malfunction and you might end up a creature with both sexual reproduction organs.

 

[siSSyfit-Boi]

{{{VOICE-ACTIVATED AUTO-TRANSCRIBING AUDIO LOG}}}​

REX: LOG ON. Ah, there we go! This is Rex Nebular, making his first offical log entry, aboard the fastest, stealthiest ship in the galaxy, The Slippery Pig. Yes siree, this log is a GREAT idea! I'm gonna make an entry every single day! This will become the definitive record of my life! Yes siree, I'm not gonna miss a day! Anyway, not much happening today. Oh, spilled some coffee onto the ThermaWave's 47-prong bedistor board... must remember to order a replacement. LOG OFF. Okay, where's my dram bedistor board mail order data?

REX: LOG ON. Oh, nut's, the battery must be - Aha! It still works! Wow! Guess what I just found in the back of my sock drawer! That self-transcribing log I bought last year! What a gas! I'll have to start keeping my log again! Let me clip it right here on my belt so I won't forget about it.

(((SNAPPING NOISE)))​

REX: There LOG ON, Now let's ee... is it a boxer day or a jockey...

 

[siSSyfit-Boi]

COMPUTER: Hyperjump was 12:67:85, Approximarely 80 seconds ago.

REX: We already jumped! Where are we?

COMPUTER: Now orbiting Terra Androgena. Planet cloaked, but otherwise all signs are normal.

REX: Hmmm. That was easy. I wonder why no one else reported finding it. Maybe none of them made it back... Well, anyway. I should be able to see the cloaking field from this close... Then I can send a probe down to take a look...

COMPUTER: Proxinity alert - large mass approaching.

REX: Not now computer! Holy optical illusion! I was right! There it is... Okay. probe, do your stuff....

((( SMALL ROCKET MOTOR IGNITION)))​

REX: Now let's get a litte closer...

(((( LARGE EXPLOSION))))​

COMPUTER: {{{WARNING KLAXON}}}

REX: What the heck was that!?!

((( * * Panic Trap EMP causing Autolog shutdown * * )))​

The Slippery Pig mortally wounded by the Big Obnoxious Alien ship hurdles downward into the atmosphere of Terra Androgena only to crash land off the shore...

A small groups gathers around me... A cute lil' punk chick takes out a lipstick, removes the cover and slowly twists the knob... and coats her cupid bow lips till they glisten in a glossy shine. "Cherry favored lip gloss!!" She coos."Want some?" As she offers to apply some to my lips.

Another girl giggles her nipples stretching the gossamer latticework of her lacy black push-up bra, barely covered by a Betty Boop halter top. "Did "Rex" survive the crash?... and did those nasty ladies get their hands on him?"

 

[siSSyfit-Boi]

RUN REX!!.. RUN!!!!

"Well..." i clear my throat. "Rex swims to the shore... where there're a circle of grass huts abound, He suspects they must be those "breeder stock" girls cuz there're bras and panties hanging on the cloth line! Suddenly, he happens on a semi- naked Female body!"

REX: LOG ON, Hooo boy! Wadda dish! i especially like how nicely she's gift-wrapped... Homina, homina! Gotta be cool... cool... Hi! I'm REX!

"STOP RIGHT THERE!!!" The girl growls. "How do we know you are not just another transmorph? Your Gender Bender is a curse. YOU keepers should be getting us some REAL men not playing with some silly machines!!!"

"But...but... i am a REAL man!" Rex stammers... "I'm not from around here I was shipwrecked, shot down. My sunken ship the "Slippery Pig" wallowing on the bottom, in the mud. (maybe, she likes it this way?)

"THAT!!! YOU GONNA HAVE TO PROVE!!!" She hisses and with that She opens the latest issue of Cosmopolitan magazine and goes right to the questionaire section titled "Official Test for MANhood". "You must answer each question correctly, understand!?!"

SO, What's a torque wrench?
a. An old pirate's term for a stubborn Woman.
b. A device for meaning the angular force applied to a bolt.
c. A wrench for tightening baby-deliving birds.
d. A tool for opening wine bottles.

Next... When setting a table, where do the forks go?
a. On the left.
b. On the right.
c. Wherever they land when i throw them from the kitchen.
d. Oh the heck.... i dunno