To Reach Out, or To Not Reach Out~ Which do you do?

[echo]

This has been a topic I have been curious about for sometime. As an individual who is prone to panic attacks for anything posted/shared, or ideas/thoughts to reach out about, I am curious how others go about approaching others for roleplays.

How many times is too many to reach out? Do you even bother to?

Like, I have reached out to several, more than once, and sometimes it just feels as though I am doing more pestering than trying to state, "Hey, I wanna write with you." Sure, I want to write with that person, but I do not enjoy being brushed off or pinned as a pest.

So, here's the question:

When do you stop reaching out? Have you reached out? What is it about it that is enjoyable, or is it more a pain in the ass than what it's worth?

I crave good stories with writer's who put forth the effort, but sometimes... I just dunno if it is worth the cost of the anxiety released, ya feel?

Remove if not allowed. Genuinenly curious, hence the posting of it.

 

[Cassandraks]

This has been a topic I have been curious about for sometime. As an individual who is prone to panic attacks for anything posted/shared, or ideas/thoughts to reach out about, I am curious how others go about approaching others for roleplays.

How many times is too many to reach out? Do you even bother to?

Like, I have reached out to several, more than once, and sometimes it just feels as though I am doing more pestering than trying to state, "Hey, I wanna write with you." Sure, I want to write with that person, but I do not enjoy being brushed off or pinned as a pest.

So, here's the question:

When do you stop reaching out? Have you reached out? What is it about it that is enjoyable, or is it more a pain in the ass than what it's worth?

I crave good stories with writer's who put forth the effort, but sometimes... I just dunno if it is worth the cost of the anxiety released, ya feel?

Remove if not allowed. Genuinenly curious, hence the posting of it.

Now I am going to say this is just based on how I respond or decline people PMing me for an RP. I don't know how others might do it, so there is that.

For me I keep things very simple, but specific. So I would say, is what they are declining with saying something specific to you?

Like for me, if I am just not interested in the idea right now, it is a simple sorry not interested, or I am going to decline right now.

If it has more something that we are just not going to work well together, I tell them that. Sorry, I don't think we will work well together.

And adjust slightly for any other kind of situation. If I don't specifically mention I don't want to write together, then things are always open to perhaps try something in the future.

And if you don't get a specific I don't want to write with you. Reaching out, and how many times it depends on timing I think. Like if it has been a while, and a new idea pops up that you have interest. That should be fine, but if spam me with a bunch in a week or two. Then you are going to probably get a don't contact me again message. Figure if you are feeling like a pain in the ass to someone, you probably are being one.

For the other side of it, if you don't respond back to me I probably won't try again unless something else really interesting comes back up in your ideas. I might try again, but that will be my last time especially if I don't hear anything from you. Other then that, it just really depends on what kind of decline I get from someone. Usually in my experience, they will be pretty clear on if they have interest in writing with me or not ever.

It is unfortunately like with so many things with RP, is how people communicate. Some are clear, and some are not so clear. But I always stick to the how would I like to be treated philosophy, and that tends to work for me.

 

[Damocles]

After over 20 years of RP (some of that being off and on, with a few breaks here and there), I've never once in my life created my own Request Thread. I have only reached out to others, and this is mostly because I do sometimes have a hard time telling someone "no". I don't like to let people down, make people feel uncomfortable, etc. Even with my current writing partners, I can get a little carried away with excitement over the story and have to apologize and rein myself back in.

For a long while… I thought reaching out was easy as pie. I'm sure some people reading this are thinking "well that just ain't true at all". It took me a while – and a long-time writing partner I still have – to figure out why I always thought it was so easy for me.

First, she told me about some of the "horror stories" of people that would reach out to her. Like, some of the PM's she got were just kind of unhinged. It made me think back to all the times I reached out to people.

I would say that I have at least a ~95% success rate for creating an RP whenever I reach out to someone (this is why I thought reaching out was easy). However, I am… extremely selective with who I reach out to. On one or two rare occasions, I've had someone PM me just because she saw my writing (not BMR). On a couple of occasions, I've had someone recommended to me by a current writing partner. But, for the most part, all of my writing partners are those I initiated contact with.

Maybe this will help people that have struggled with success when reaching out, maybe not, but this is my personal process (in no particular order):

• If I reach out to you, chances are I have read over your RT at least three times. Sometimes, I'll read over it multiple times over the course of multiple days. This is partly because I don't want to fall into the trap of reaching out to someone for something specifically that I am in the mood for in the moment. Like a quick itch to scratch. It's also because I'm just thinking about the RT; the plots listed, the kinks, etc. There are some RT's that I read over and over for a week before reaching out
• Every now and then, I do reach out to someone for something that's just a little fun, but not often. These PM's are typically lower effort, admittedly.
• I write my initial PM's like I write my posts: I have the RT on one side of my screen and the PM/Word on the other half. I do my absolute best to touch on the important requirements that the RT author has for reaching out.
• I put effort into the majority of my initial PM's. These PM's can sometimes be longer than my average RP posts, but not always. I think my PM's will average 450-600 words, and none of it is fluff to reach a word count. It's just how I do things. I've even reached out with a PM that was ~1k words. I often spent upwards of an hour just crafting my initial PM.
• It's important to note that the word count itself isn't what's important for this explanation, but what makes up that word count. There are two main things I focus on (or try to, anyway):
• Requirements and "about me" – these are the requirements set out in the RT. These are often those "you must meet this minimum" type of requirements, and I try to give a brief explanation of how I meet those requirements. This is often post length, post frequency, etc. But it's important for both of us to be on the same page.
• Plots – It doesn't feel right for me to reach out to someone due to their RT and not even mention any of the plots they have listed. I always pick at least 1-2 of their plots that I really like. I offer my thoughts on it, and I almost always include my own little variations for it. I will also sometimes offer up plots I've had rattling around in my head that are similar, even if it's just to bounce the idea back and forth, add a little something, etc. I want my (potential) writing partner to see that I'm excited and invested in their ideas while also showing that my brain is already coming up with other things for the story.
• My last point I want to really nail home: In my initial PM, I really try to touch on all of the really important things in someone's RT. If an RT says "PLEASE do this", chances are I am going to mention something about that in my PM.

I genuinely have no intention to seem all high and mighty, or like I am some amazing writing partner (I'm definitely not perfect, but I think I'm at least decent, though!). But I have been told on a few occasions that my PM's are not the norm that people receive.

This doesn't mean an RP doesn't fizzle out. Sometimes, that still happens, and I think people have to be okay with that. It happens. I'm far from a perfect writing partner – I make mistakes, but I try to apologize for them when they happen.

Anyway, I rambled a lot more about this than I thought I would. But, if it helps one or two people, then that's a win.

 

[Morri]

I have had this message in my draft for several weeks, because I feel very ashamed admitting how much I fear reaching out to potential RP partners. I've kind of become solely someone who waits for people to reach out to me. But I guess it kind of reflects how I'm in RL, where I usually end up hiding in a corner, because it feels safer being the one doing the watching than hunting.

I also have to admit it didn't used to be like this. I used to be the one who solely did the reaching out. But I often feel, even though people that I feel I would write some amazing stories with, that they are too busy, they must feel I'm the biggest dork ever or that my writing will never be good enough.

So, yeah. I know a lot of these are my own insecurities and doesn't match reality or my writing ability (or how I am as a person) but I guess I often struggle feeling like I'm in general a pretty shite writer / person, though only in the situation when I have to be the one impressing someone enough that they will feel intrigued to want to write with me.

 

[Cassandraks]

I have had this message in my draft for several weeks, because I feel very ashamed admitting how much I fear reaching out to potential RP partners. I've kind of become solely someone who waits for people to reach out to me. But I guess it kind of reflects how I'm in RL, where I usually end up hiding in a corner, because it feels safer being the one doing the watching than hunting.

I also have to admit it didn't used to be like this. I used to be the one who solely did the reaching out. But I often feel, even though people that I feel I would write some amazing stories with, that they are too busy, they must feel I'm the biggest dork ever or that my writing will never be good enough.

So, yeah. I know a lot of these are my own insecurities and doesn't match reality or my writing ability (or how I am as a person) but I guess I often struggle feeling like I'm in general a pretty shite writer / person, though only in the situation when I have to be the one impressing someone enough that they will feel intrigued to want to write with me.

This is very much something I fell into especially when I started on these ERP type Sites. Everyone felt bigger, and more important and better at this stuff than me. Like reaching out to these great writers, would be just scary because why would they want to write with little old me.

I eventually got over that, and now that I have gotten older I have had more of a realization with things. Everyone on here is the same as us, and they pretty much become us or we pretty much become them in the end. The big scaries, are just people at the end of the day. They have their own problems, and insecurities. And they just want to write something with a little or a lot of sex in it. How much you want a bet, that someone new on here or even old has looked at your RT, and are feeling the same thing you are about others. That, I don't know. I don't think I can reach out to this person, they would never want to write with me. I am sure we have all had plenty, who are like that, that we don't know about because they never reach out. And that is incredibly sad to me, because how many great writers did I miss because no one just say hey, this sounds interesting.

And I get it, in RL I am not a very forward person. I am very shy, if I am around others I am usually in the middle quietly listening. But for me at least, when I am online I can be more outgoing. I can say more of the stuff, that I just think. And I let myself have more fun.

And don't get me wrong. I still have insecurities, I have partners now and even in the past who write with me that I think. Why are they writing with me? They are so much better than me, their brain works better in stuff mine doesn't. And I think for sure, they will eventually get tired of my crap. But it never happens, the majority of those who I write with who are incredibly writers, and I feel like I can't compete. A good amount of them, I have written or are writing multiple stories with them. And it is them reaching out to me wanting to do more. I think all of them are crazy, but I'll take it because they are some of my favorite RP's.

I guess what I am trying to say is, have your insecurities that is fine I am sure pretty much everyone and even the best writers have them. But try not to let them rule you. Because every time you say no to reaching out to an interesting idea, that is another story not getting written which could have been fun and enjoyable for you and your partner. I know for myself, I much rather reach out and get a no, then to miss out on an interesting RP if I get a yes.