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Phantom Bones
Resident bi metalhead
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2024
If this post is still up, that means I'm either still searching or I'm too lazy to delete this post out of shame (I'll let you be the one to figure out what it means), so feel free to DM me if you've read it all (or don't. I don't give a shit. I'm not your dad... yet).
Greetings and mischievous intentions, demons, degenerates, goblins, gremlins, ghosts, and ghouls of all kind, it's me, ya boy, Bones (or Phantom, or Bat, if you'd like to call me that. I'm a man... bat... phantom... skeleton... creature... thing of many names and a jackass of all trades). What can I do for ya, pal, chum, buddy, bud, friendo, amigo, brother, pal, other word for person I slightly (probably, probably not) tolerate more than the average person? I've been roleplaying for about six or seven (give or take) years. Now, enough foreplay. Let's do some repenting, shall we?
• My timezone is Eastern Daylight Time. I'm usually pretty fairly active (I'm free on weekends), so I respond quickly, but if I don't, it's because I'm asleep or busy (or I intentionally ignored you because your response was creepy, confusing, lame as fuck, or you only DMed me to say that you're not interested in the plot, but thought I was funny (why are you even DMing me, then? I don't understand why people have been doing that a lot, lately. I know this is 90% crappy, edgy jokes, self-pity, and feels more like a glorified therapy session where I talk to the void while having a schizophrenic meltdown rather than an introduction to who I am as a roleplayer, but if you're not interested in my plot, then don't even bother DMing me. I'm flattered that you think I'm funny, but don't waste your time and my time by DMing me just to say you're not interested in my plot. All you're doing by doing that is wasting both of our times, so if you're not interested, scroll past. If you are genuinely interested in roleplaying with me, then DM me! Don't be shy). I have a habit of apologizing for late responses. I'm usually at my most active at night (no, I'm not a vampire. I just hate the morning. What the FUCK is a healthy sleep schedule?).
• My kinks are oral (I love sloppy and messy blowjobs), dirty talk/teasing, shower sex, height/size difference, dominant/confident women (I love the kind of woman who can kick my ass), long tongues (I love the kind of woman who can lick my ass), lipstick (I love the kind of woman who can kiss my ass), light harm (biting and scratching, but not on a harmful level), slow-burn romance/affection, and cuddling after sex/affection (wholesome kinks are underrated as fuck). Yeah, sue me for being a metalhead that isn't into the most disgusting, repulsive shit known to mankind. I know I shouldn't kinkshame, but there are some kinks and people out there that prove that kinkshaming exists for a reason. Just because I'm a metalhead who drinks goat blood and human blood from a skull full of maggots, sacrifices virgins, and worships Satan doesn't mean I don't know where to draw the line (I only sacrifice goats and burn down churches on Sundays. I bake cookies and watch horror movies and debate witches and folklore with the boys on Fridays and Saturdays. Every other day of the week is reserved for headbanging until my neck falls off like a crazy motherfucker, starting a one-man moshpit in my bedroom like the absolute feral, nocturnal goblin I am, practicing death metal growls until my fucking throat hurts, singing/talking to myself like I have friends/an audience, and wondering if my neighbors think I'm clinically insane or that they live next to a crackhead).
• My biggest kinks are humor, people whose grammar and spelling doesn't make me spontaneously combust when I'm trying to understand what they're saying, slow-burn romance, supernatural shit, and literate, detailed roleplaying partners. Yes, I'm a degenerate who dabbles in the dark arts and the occult (AKA ERP), which has a reputation for being... less than favorable for literate roleplayers who want more than just virtual sex, but my horniness is overshadowed by my love for a good story mixed with the smut. Listen, I love smut as much as the next degenerate loser, but smut without a story is boring as fuck. The build-up, tension, and teasing leading to the cathartic release of our characters finally smashing their naked bodies against each other like a kid playing with two Barbie dolls is what interests me, not just "my cousin got a nice ass, and we live in sweet home Alabama, so, according to the Lynyrd Skynyrd Act of 1869, it is my civic duty, as a red-white-and-blue-blooded, beer-drinkin', Bible-readin', McDonald's-eatin', God-fearin', Ford-drivin', eagle-ridin', freedom-lovin', gun-shootin' American, to fuck them, 'cause this is the U-S-motherfuckin'-A, brother *eagle screeches* YEEHAW *plays the Free Bird solo* WHAT THE FUCK IS A KILOMETEEEEEEEEEEER?!"
• My limits are the usual offenders (like diapers, scat, piss, bimbofication, unrealistic proportions (unnaturally large dicks and tits that would realistically cause MAJOR back problems), transformation, vore, gore, pegging (I DON'T love the kind of woman who can dick my ass), pregnancy (sex designed to procreate? UGH! Fucking gross!), feet, children (don't like 'em in real life, don't like 'em in my roleplays. I roleplay to ESCAPE reality), snuff, cucking/blacked/bleached/cheating/whatever the fuck you wanna call it, zoophilia, pedophiles, kidnapping, people that don't have a sense of humor, forced social interaction, people who don't like heavy metal (if you're not into metal... YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND!), people in general, and ESPECIALLY people who didn't read the ad). It's not that I can't handle dark plots/dark subject matter. It's just that dark plots, in the context of ERP, don't interest me. They're like jumpscares in modern horror movies to me. They're boring, predictable, and just make me roll my eyes.
• I DESPISE AI. No matter what shape or form it comes in, whether it's art (if you can even call the absolute slop that it pumps out "art") or being used to generate roleplay responses (yeah, apparently, people use AI for roleplaying. That takes away the creativity and humanity from this hobby that I have a love/hate situationship with), I will always loathe AI. I firmly believe that Idiocracy, They Live, and I, Robot were documentaries that were way ahead of their time that we didn't listen to. I prefer drawn refs when it comes to reference pictures (I usually get mine from Rule 34 or by typing "hot shirtless anime men with black hair" and "sexy demon hentai" in Google and forever cursing my Google search history with hentai and edgy men with no shirts on because I have the artistic talent of a demented kindergartener with a violent and evil imaginary best friend, but it would be a bonus if you're an artist and a roleplayer. It's not required, but it is a bonus). Anyway, AI bad, me no like AI. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. You came here to roleplay with me (or not), not listen to an edgy twenty-year-old dumbass who has no idea what he's talking about have an "old man yells at the sky" moment.
• I write in third-person and past tense only. First-person just freaks me out. It doesn't feel like we're roleplaying as characters that we created. It feels more like we're roleplaying as our *real* selves instead of silly characters we made up in our heads, and that makes me uncomfortable, especially after reading some of the creepy encounters that some people have when it comes to people who roleplay in first person.
• My literacy is flexible. It can vary depending on how much you give me to work with and if I'm feeling a sudden creative rush. As long as you put in effort, I'll put in effort. I do fall under the literate and advanced-literate side of the spectrum, though. However, don't feel like you're pressured to write a billion words just because I can pull an entire Bible verse out of my ass whenever I please. It's okay to write a paragraph or two when it's just our characters are talking or doing everyday things. Just write more than a sentence or some wimpy shit like "*shakes my ass and blows up the White House cutely until you notice me senpai UwU.*" (I'm not gonna lie, the embarrassment I got from writing that is unreal. Excuse me while I purify my eyes with bleach and give my brain a stern talking-to about why it should never make my poor, poor hands write such blasphemy ever again). Give me something to work with, damn it! I want details!
• I LOVE to talk OOC! Don't be afraid to talk to me to plan future plot-points, or even just joke around about our characters, geek out over their dynamic, send me memes, art, make playlists for our characters, anything. I'd love to get all excited and talk with another roleplayer about the roleplay, our characters, etc. Also, communicate with me about decisions that I've made that you don't like. I'll be more than happy to delete my original reply and fix it for you.
• So, I know my... colorful vocabulary, rants that border on a therapy session with my phone, and general cynical and pessimistic tone of this post already gives you a rough idea of how old I am, but for the sake of clarity, I'm 20 years old, soon to be 21 later this year (spooky birthday boy over here!). That's the only bit of personal info I'll give besides my interests (heavy metal, certain shows (Hellsing and Metalocalypse), certain games (DOOM and Devil May Cry), certain comic book characters (Ghost Rider, Wolverine, Deadpool), LEGO, doomscrolling, looking at pictures and videos of cats being cute and silly) and maybe how my day is going.
Now, enough about me. I'd ask about you, but let's save that for when you DM me *(if* you DM me, that is). Let's set some ground rules and make some things clear. We're getting to the not-so-fun stuff that'll make you grab your pitchforks and torches and raid my house like I'm Victor Frankenstein and just created a monster.
• Listen, I'm all for writing some spicy scenes and dirty talk (at least, later on in the roleplay. The spicy scenes, I mean), but I'm not trying to get my character or your character out of their clothes as soon as we start roleplaying. I want character development and an actual relationship between our characters to blossom (with some sexual elements/themes involved, of course), not just mindless, back-to-back sex scenes. There's a difference between ERP and just wanting to beat your meat or slappin' your salmon to some words on a screen (hey, that rhymed! I'm a poet and I didn't even know it).
• Put effort into your introduction. If you have as much energy as a sloth and can't be bothered to tell me what you want and put in your own input and ideas and want to make trying to plan a roleplay with you feel like an egregious chore, then there's an extremely high chance that I'll ignore you and block you. Like, come on, man, no one's gonna wanna roleplay with someone who just casually says, "Hi," "Okay," or "Yeah" every time they try their best to communicate, while the other person does fuck-all to give any ideas. It's like getting assigned a group project, but you're the only one in your group that gives half a flying fuck about getting a good/decent grade, while everyone else is just on their phones and not even doing the bare minimum to contribute. You're a human being, not a fucking robot. Don't give me that NPC energy. Sorry for the rant. Just put in effort.
• Literate or higher. I'm not asking for a professional author or anything (but that would be a bonus), but please just give me something to work with. Like I said in one of my previous paragraphs, it's okay to write less if our characters aren't doing anything that important.
• For the love of all that is metal and unholy, **don't ghost me!** I never thought I'd have to add this rule, but so many of my partners that responded to my previous ads DMed me, saying they were interested, and then they just disappear without a trace and I end up getting more ghosts than a Spirit Halloween store, as if to promise me gold and then flip me off and tell me to go fuck myself. I get that work/life can throw curveballs and get in the way, but for the love of Sabbath Bloody Sabbath, if you *know* you're gonna be busy for weeks or possibly months, either don't DM me and only do it when you have the time to do so or let me know in advance instead of just disappearing into oblivion without giving me so much as a heads-up and leaving me wondering what the hell I did wrong. Seriously, I'm gonna have to call the Ghostbusters, because this ghosting problem is driving me up the wall. Just tell me if we're not gonna work out instead of leaving me in the dark to wonder if there's something wrong with me or the universe just hates me in particular.
• Have good grammar and punctuation. I'm trying to roleplay with you, not pop a blood vessel while using my one functional braincell to figure out what the hell you're trying to say. I understand that some people have ADHD, dyslexia, or some other learning disability that affects the way they read and write, and some people don't speak English as their first language, so I'm way more forgiving in those cases. I totally understand that! I tend to make my fair share of spelling mistakes here and there, too, because I type fast, and my fingers don't exactly like to cooperate with my brain, so this doesn't apply to those people. People can't control the way they were born, and English is a hard language to learn. I'm referring to people who have HORRIFIC grammar, HORRENDOUS reading comprehension (which is ironic, considering they decided to join the one hobby that requires you to read and write), and INCOMPREHENSIBLE spelling that would give an English teacher a heart attack, yet they speak English as their first language and DON'T have any sort of learning disability. I know the American education system is an absolute joke, but, I mean, come on. I've met people who don't speak English as their first language, and their English is A MILLION times better than that of people who DO speak English as their first languagw
• CONTRIBUTE! PROVIDE YOUR OWN IDEAS! Don't make me come up with all the ideas while you just sit there and say, "Okay" to everything. Tell me what you want to include. If I wanted to be the one calling all the shots, I wouldn't even be here, now, would I? I would be writing the next shitty Twilight fanfiction with bisexual angels, flamboyant mafia demons, and demonic strip club owners if my silly ass wasn't hopelessly addicted to constantly trying (and failing miserably) to maintain a single roleplay for more than a few days. Don't make me do all the progression while you just twiddle your thumbs and reply to what my character is saying instead of moving the story forward. You're supposed to play your own character. Write the actions you think they would do, decisions they would make, things that they're feeling/thinking, etc. Roleplaying is a two-player game. I can't be the only one moving things along whole you twiddle your thumbs and do nothing. Give me something to work with! I can't get any enjoyment out of a roleplay where I'm the only enthusiastic one, and all my partner has to say is "yeah" and "okay." It's boring! Give me engagement! Give me fuel, give me fire, give me the details I desire!
Now that you've gotten to know a bit about me and my ridiculous standards, boys, ghouls, and other freakish fools, here's what you've been waiting for, the meat, flesh, and bone marrow to the bones of this long, godforsaken post, I present to you... my plot.
**In a world where the supernatural meets the mortal plane, a human gets persuaded by his obnoxious friend to go to a strip club. In this club, he unknowingly crosses paths with the owner. The owner, however, is a demon, and a powerful and ancient one, at that, specifically a demon of lust. They aren't just any ordinary succubus or incubus that fucked anything that walked on two legs, though. They're *the* embodiment of lust, a physical manifestation of mankind's sinful desires. They could be anything their prey's sick, sinful heart desired, but they chose to present themselves as a dark, beautiful, alluring seductress that could make any man drop to their knees and foolishly worship her every request, even if it meant the death of them. Any man worth his masculinity would be a fool to resist this wicked temptress. She had unparalleled class, an irresistable, an insatiable need for lust, a flirtatious attitude that she simply cannot contain, seductive charm, a body that was craved by any man that laid eyes on it, and raw, unmatched sex appeal. She was a deceitful, manipulative, promiscuous, man-eating, conniving, depraved, lecherous, lustful being that was insatiable in her need to feed, and prided herself on her otherworldly beauty and used her sinful powers to her advantage, or, at least, she used to be.**
**Because of an agreement made by the humans and demons that prohibited humans and demons from hurting or killing each other, they had to change her ways. She had to go from a man-eating, merciless hunter that lured men and women alike to their bedroom to make her hopeless victims' final moments full of ecstacy and pleasure through passion before ripping them to shreds to a mere nightclub owner. She didn't mind it, however, since she was still allowed to be as flirty, lustful, and engage in as much depraved sexual activity as she pleased and run a strip club without the threat of divine intervention lingering over their head, much to the dismay of religious zealots and the few angels that frequented the club on their off hours when they got sick of pretending to be symbols of holiness and virtue.**
**The fresh, new human that she encountered and set their sights on had an aura and demeanor that felt... off. Strange, even. The demon couldn't resist him, though, much like how mankind couldn't resist *her.* He was a tall glass of water for this demon to drink every last drop from. He had long, dark hair that was almost as black as the night the tempting devil relished in, blue eyes that were as pure as the ocean, and a gaze that was piercing, cold, and uninviting, which, to anyone with common sense, would be a sign that he wanted to be left alone and was not someone to be messed with, but that wouldn't stop the extroverted, social, flirtatious demon from working her dark magic, because she always eventually got what she wanted in the end, and she welcomed this challenge... and not just with open arms. The challenge he presented invigorated the repressed predatory feeling deep inside of her, bringing out that hungry carnivore that she had to lock away for the sake of being able to run a business, just without the part where she brutally eviscerated their prey at the end of the hunt. She was known for her tenacity and relentlessness when it came to tougher prey like him, and there was no way she would stop until she had him in her grip.**
**He had a cold and mysterious attitude that was more alluring to her than she could ever hope to be. She could easily crush him, if she wanted to, for rejecting her advances, just like she did to anyone else who dared to reject her. She always got what she wanted, and those who didn't give her what she wanted got ripped apart, but this human... whatever he was... fascinated her. He was a breath of fresh air from her usual customers, who were too horny to focus on anything that didn't involve sex or harassing her girls, which she was protective and motherly over. Normally, men would fall head-over-heels just from the sight of the femme-fatale, but he seemed immune. By nature, the demon wanted to get her claws on anything and anyone her lustful gaze fell upon, and it was no different with this tall, dark-haired human that had an enigmatic personality and seemed to resist any and all advances from the demon, whether it was her flirting, body language, or use of magic powers. Normally, she would brutally slaughter any man who didn't give her the attention and affection she desperately wanted, but something about this human drew her to him. Perhaps it was because of how bold he was to reject her advances, or maybe there was something lurking beneath the surface, a dark secret that he desperately wanted to hide, a secret to his mythical allure. Whatever it was, it made her want him all to herself.**
**He appeared to be human, but there weren't any outstanding traits about him that suggested that he was anything but human, nor did he have any of the telltale signs of a demon disguised as a human, so what was he? What could he possibly be? She couldn't quite put their finger on it. Something about him felt familiar, though, as if he were someone or some*thing* from her past. They had never wanted a single human this bad. Most humans she met were fools who were too eager to join her in the bedroom, and were nothing more than cheap thrills, treated like mere tools for satisfaction and temporary pleasure, rather than people she cared for and actually had a *burning* desire for. She never thought, in the countless centuries she made men fall to their knees, that she would see the day where she learned how it felt to *want* someone rather than be the one *being* wanted. She had to figure out the mystery of this human, and what made him so desirable. No matter what, the demon would not relent until she has him all to herself. After all, the queen of lust always eventually got what she wanted in the end.**
TL;DR for those of you who are severely allergic to reading (if you have a reading allergy, please click off of this post for your own safety. I may be a devil-worshipping HEATHEN, but I'm not a monster) -- Dude gets convinced to go to a strip club and the demonic owner of the strip club starts hitting on him when she notices that he's "not like the other boys
" and her charms don't work on him, so she wants to see what makes him tick/what it will take to break down his walls and how she can win his affection.
I highly doubt that anyone's ever gonna see or read this long-ass schizophrenic rant of a post and respond to it (and if you did read the whole thing, from start to finish, I only have one question for you... **WHY?!),** but, hey, it's worth a shot (even if it's a long one). Hopefully, that plot made sense (it probably didn't, but nothing makes sense in this crazy world
). Having that being said, if you've read up to this point and you're interested, send me a chat and include your favorite candy in your message (I fucking love Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. I'll eat Reese's anything, really. Doesn't matter if it's Pieces, Puffs, or even those holiday-themed ones (you know, the ones that are shaped like Easter eggs or pumpkins). Reese's are my JAM).
Greetings and mischievous intentions, demons, degenerates, goblins, gremlins, ghosts, and ghouls of all kind, it's me, ya boy, Bones (or Phantom, or Bat, if you'd like to call me that. I'm a man... bat... phantom... skeleton... creature... thing of many names and a jackass of all trades). What can I do for ya, pal, chum, buddy, bud, friendo, amigo, brother, pal, other word for person I slightly (probably, probably not) tolerate more than the average person? I've been roleplaying for about six or seven (give or take) years. Now, enough foreplay. Let's do some repenting, shall we?
• My timezone is Eastern Daylight Time. I'm usually pretty fairly active (I'm free on weekends), so I respond quickly, but if I don't, it's because I'm asleep or busy (or I intentionally ignored you because your response was creepy, confusing, lame as fuck, or you only DMed me to say that you're not interested in the plot, but thought I was funny (why are you even DMing me, then? I don't understand why people have been doing that a lot, lately. I know this is 90% crappy, edgy jokes, self-pity, and feels more like a glorified therapy session where I talk to the void while having a schizophrenic meltdown rather than an introduction to who I am as a roleplayer, but if you're not interested in my plot, then don't even bother DMing me. I'm flattered that you think I'm funny, but don't waste your time and my time by DMing me just to say you're not interested in my plot. All you're doing by doing that is wasting both of our times, so if you're not interested, scroll past. If you are genuinely interested in roleplaying with me, then DM me! Don't be shy). I have a habit of apologizing for late responses. I'm usually at my most active at night (no, I'm not a vampire. I just hate the morning. What the FUCK is a healthy sleep schedule?).
• My kinks are oral (I love sloppy and messy blowjobs), dirty talk/teasing, shower sex, height/size difference, dominant/confident women (I love the kind of woman who can kick my ass), long tongues (I love the kind of woman who can lick my ass), lipstick (I love the kind of woman who can kiss my ass), light harm (biting and scratching, but not on a harmful level), slow-burn romance/affection, and cuddling after sex/affection (wholesome kinks are underrated as fuck). Yeah, sue me for being a metalhead that isn't into the most disgusting, repulsive shit known to mankind. I know I shouldn't kinkshame, but there are some kinks and people out there that prove that kinkshaming exists for a reason. Just because I'm a metalhead who drinks goat blood and human blood from a skull full of maggots, sacrifices virgins, and worships Satan doesn't mean I don't know where to draw the line (I only sacrifice goats and burn down churches on Sundays. I bake cookies and watch horror movies and debate witches and folklore with the boys on Fridays and Saturdays. Every other day of the week is reserved for headbanging until my neck falls off like a crazy motherfucker, starting a one-man moshpit in my bedroom like the absolute feral, nocturnal goblin I am, practicing death metal growls until my fucking throat hurts, singing/talking to myself like I have friends/an audience, and wondering if my neighbors think I'm clinically insane or that they live next to a crackhead).
• My biggest kinks are humor, people whose grammar and spelling doesn't make me spontaneously combust when I'm trying to understand what they're saying, slow-burn romance, supernatural shit, and literate, detailed roleplaying partners. Yes, I'm a degenerate who dabbles in the dark arts and the occult (AKA ERP), which has a reputation for being... less than favorable for literate roleplayers who want more than just virtual sex, but my horniness is overshadowed by my love for a good story mixed with the smut. Listen, I love smut as much as the next degenerate loser, but smut without a story is boring as fuck. The build-up, tension, and teasing leading to the cathartic release of our characters finally smashing their naked bodies against each other like a kid playing with two Barbie dolls is what interests me, not just "my cousin got a nice ass, and we live in sweet home Alabama, so, according to the Lynyrd Skynyrd Act of 1869, it is my civic duty, as a red-white-and-blue-blooded, beer-drinkin', Bible-readin', McDonald's-eatin', God-fearin', Ford-drivin', eagle-ridin', freedom-lovin', gun-shootin' American, to fuck them, 'cause this is the U-S-motherfuckin'-A, brother *eagle screeches* YEEHAW *plays the Free Bird solo* WHAT THE FUCK IS A KILOMETEEEEEEEEEEER?!"
• My limits are the usual offenders (like diapers, scat, piss, bimbofication, unrealistic proportions (unnaturally large dicks and tits that would realistically cause MAJOR back problems), transformation, vore, gore, pegging (I DON'T love the kind of woman who can dick my ass), pregnancy (sex designed to procreate? UGH! Fucking gross!), feet, children (don't like 'em in real life, don't like 'em in my roleplays. I roleplay to ESCAPE reality), snuff, cucking/blacked/bleached/cheating/whatever the fuck you wanna call it, zoophilia, pedophiles, kidnapping, people that don't have a sense of humor, forced social interaction, people who don't like heavy metal (if you're not into metal... YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND!), people in general, and ESPECIALLY people who didn't read the ad). It's not that I can't handle dark plots/dark subject matter. It's just that dark plots, in the context of ERP, don't interest me. They're like jumpscares in modern horror movies to me. They're boring, predictable, and just make me roll my eyes.
• I DESPISE AI. No matter what shape or form it comes in, whether it's art (if you can even call the absolute slop that it pumps out "art") or being used to generate roleplay responses (yeah, apparently, people use AI for roleplaying. That takes away the creativity and humanity from this hobby that I have a love/hate situationship with), I will always loathe AI. I firmly believe that Idiocracy, They Live, and I, Robot were documentaries that were way ahead of their time that we didn't listen to. I prefer drawn refs when it comes to reference pictures (I usually get mine from Rule 34 or by typing "hot shirtless anime men with black hair" and "sexy demon hentai" in Google and forever cursing my Google search history with hentai and edgy men with no shirts on because I have the artistic talent of a demented kindergartener with a violent and evil imaginary best friend, but it would be a bonus if you're an artist and a roleplayer. It's not required, but it is a bonus). Anyway, AI bad, me no like AI. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. You came here to roleplay with me (or not), not listen to an edgy twenty-year-old dumbass who has no idea what he's talking about have an "old man yells at the sky" moment.
• I write in third-person and past tense only. First-person just freaks me out. It doesn't feel like we're roleplaying as characters that we created. It feels more like we're roleplaying as our *real* selves instead of silly characters we made up in our heads, and that makes me uncomfortable, especially after reading some of the creepy encounters that some people have when it comes to people who roleplay in first person.
• My literacy is flexible. It can vary depending on how much you give me to work with and if I'm feeling a sudden creative rush. As long as you put in effort, I'll put in effort. I do fall under the literate and advanced-literate side of the spectrum, though. However, don't feel like you're pressured to write a billion words just because I can pull an entire Bible verse out of my ass whenever I please. It's okay to write a paragraph or two when it's just our characters are talking or doing everyday things. Just write more than a sentence or some wimpy shit like "*shakes my ass and blows up the White House cutely until you notice me senpai UwU.*" (I'm not gonna lie, the embarrassment I got from writing that is unreal. Excuse me while I purify my eyes with bleach and give my brain a stern talking-to about why it should never make my poor, poor hands write such blasphemy ever again). Give me something to work with, damn it! I want details!
• I LOVE to talk OOC! Don't be afraid to talk to me to plan future plot-points, or even just joke around about our characters, geek out over their dynamic, send me memes, art, make playlists for our characters, anything. I'd love to get all excited and talk with another roleplayer about the roleplay, our characters, etc. Also, communicate with me about decisions that I've made that you don't like. I'll be more than happy to delete my original reply and fix it for you.
• So, I know my... colorful vocabulary, rants that border on a therapy session with my phone, and general cynical and pessimistic tone of this post already gives you a rough idea of how old I am, but for the sake of clarity, I'm 20 years old, soon to be 21 later this year (spooky birthday boy over here!). That's the only bit of personal info I'll give besides my interests (heavy metal, certain shows (Hellsing and Metalocalypse), certain games (DOOM and Devil May Cry), certain comic book characters (Ghost Rider, Wolverine, Deadpool), LEGO, doomscrolling, looking at pictures and videos of cats being cute and silly) and maybe how my day is going.
Now, enough about me. I'd ask about you, but let's save that for when you DM me *(if* you DM me, that is). Let's set some ground rules and make some things clear. We're getting to the not-so-fun stuff that'll make you grab your pitchforks and torches and raid my house like I'm Victor Frankenstein and just created a monster.
• Listen, I'm all for writing some spicy scenes and dirty talk (at least, later on in the roleplay. The spicy scenes, I mean), but I'm not trying to get my character or your character out of their clothes as soon as we start roleplaying. I want character development and an actual relationship between our characters to blossom (with some sexual elements/themes involved, of course), not just mindless, back-to-back sex scenes. There's a difference between ERP and just wanting to beat your meat or slappin' your salmon to some words on a screen (hey, that rhymed! I'm a poet and I didn't even know it).
• Put effort into your introduction. If you have as much energy as a sloth and can't be bothered to tell me what you want and put in your own input and ideas and want to make trying to plan a roleplay with you feel like an egregious chore, then there's an extremely high chance that I'll ignore you and block you. Like, come on, man, no one's gonna wanna roleplay with someone who just casually says, "Hi," "Okay," or "Yeah" every time they try their best to communicate, while the other person does fuck-all to give any ideas. It's like getting assigned a group project, but you're the only one in your group that gives half a flying fuck about getting a good/decent grade, while everyone else is just on their phones and not even doing the bare minimum to contribute. You're a human being, not a fucking robot. Don't give me that NPC energy. Sorry for the rant. Just put in effort.
• Literate or higher. I'm not asking for a professional author or anything (but that would be a bonus), but please just give me something to work with. Like I said in one of my previous paragraphs, it's okay to write less if our characters aren't doing anything that important.
• For the love of all that is metal and unholy, **don't ghost me!** I never thought I'd have to add this rule, but so many of my partners that responded to my previous ads DMed me, saying they were interested, and then they just disappear without a trace and I end up getting more ghosts than a Spirit Halloween store, as if to promise me gold and then flip me off and tell me to go fuck myself. I get that work/life can throw curveballs and get in the way, but for the love of Sabbath Bloody Sabbath, if you *know* you're gonna be busy for weeks or possibly months, either don't DM me and only do it when you have the time to do so or let me know in advance instead of just disappearing into oblivion without giving me so much as a heads-up and leaving me wondering what the hell I did wrong. Seriously, I'm gonna have to call the Ghostbusters, because this ghosting problem is driving me up the wall. Just tell me if we're not gonna work out instead of leaving me in the dark to wonder if there's something wrong with me or the universe just hates me in particular.
• Have good grammar and punctuation. I'm trying to roleplay with you, not pop a blood vessel while using my one functional braincell to figure out what the hell you're trying to say. I understand that some people have ADHD, dyslexia, or some other learning disability that affects the way they read and write, and some people don't speak English as their first language, so I'm way more forgiving in those cases. I totally understand that! I tend to make my fair share of spelling mistakes here and there, too, because I type fast, and my fingers don't exactly like to cooperate with my brain, so this doesn't apply to those people. People can't control the way they were born, and English is a hard language to learn. I'm referring to people who have HORRIFIC grammar, HORRENDOUS reading comprehension (which is ironic, considering they decided to join the one hobby that requires you to read and write), and INCOMPREHENSIBLE spelling that would give an English teacher a heart attack, yet they speak English as their first language and DON'T have any sort of learning disability. I know the American education system is an absolute joke, but, I mean, come on. I've met people who don't speak English as their first language, and their English is A MILLION times better than that of people who DO speak English as their first languagw
• CONTRIBUTE! PROVIDE YOUR OWN IDEAS! Don't make me come up with all the ideas while you just sit there and say, "Okay" to everything. Tell me what you want to include. If I wanted to be the one calling all the shots, I wouldn't even be here, now, would I? I would be writing the next shitty Twilight fanfiction with bisexual angels, flamboyant mafia demons, and demonic strip club owners if my silly ass wasn't hopelessly addicted to constantly trying (and failing miserably) to maintain a single roleplay for more than a few days. Don't make me do all the progression while you just twiddle your thumbs and reply to what my character is saying instead of moving the story forward. You're supposed to play your own character. Write the actions you think they would do, decisions they would make, things that they're feeling/thinking, etc. Roleplaying is a two-player game. I can't be the only one moving things along whole you twiddle your thumbs and do nothing. Give me something to work with! I can't get any enjoyment out of a roleplay where I'm the only enthusiastic one, and all my partner has to say is "yeah" and "okay." It's boring! Give me engagement! Give me fuel, give me fire, give me the details I desire!
Now that you've gotten to know a bit about me and my ridiculous standards, boys, ghouls, and other freakish fools, here's what you've been waiting for, the meat, flesh, and bone marrow to the bones of this long, godforsaken post, I present to you... my plot.
**In a world where the supernatural meets the mortal plane, a human gets persuaded by his obnoxious friend to go to a strip club. In this club, he unknowingly crosses paths with the owner. The owner, however, is a demon, and a powerful and ancient one, at that, specifically a demon of lust. They aren't just any ordinary succubus or incubus that fucked anything that walked on two legs, though. They're *the* embodiment of lust, a physical manifestation of mankind's sinful desires. They could be anything their prey's sick, sinful heart desired, but they chose to present themselves as a dark, beautiful, alluring seductress that could make any man drop to their knees and foolishly worship her every request, even if it meant the death of them. Any man worth his masculinity would be a fool to resist this wicked temptress. She had unparalleled class, an irresistable, an insatiable need for lust, a flirtatious attitude that she simply cannot contain, seductive charm, a body that was craved by any man that laid eyes on it, and raw, unmatched sex appeal. She was a deceitful, manipulative, promiscuous, man-eating, conniving, depraved, lecherous, lustful being that was insatiable in her need to feed, and prided herself on her otherworldly beauty and used her sinful powers to her advantage, or, at least, she used to be.**
**Because of an agreement made by the humans and demons that prohibited humans and demons from hurting or killing each other, they had to change her ways. She had to go from a man-eating, merciless hunter that lured men and women alike to their bedroom to make her hopeless victims' final moments full of ecstacy and pleasure through passion before ripping them to shreds to a mere nightclub owner. She didn't mind it, however, since she was still allowed to be as flirty, lustful, and engage in as much depraved sexual activity as she pleased and run a strip club without the threat of divine intervention lingering over their head, much to the dismay of religious zealots and the few angels that frequented the club on their off hours when they got sick of pretending to be symbols of holiness and virtue.**
**The fresh, new human that she encountered and set their sights on had an aura and demeanor that felt... off. Strange, even. The demon couldn't resist him, though, much like how mankind couldn't resist *her.* He was a tall glass of water for this demon to drink every last drop from. He had long, dark hair that was almost as black as the night the tempting devil relished in, blue eyes that were as pure as the ocean, and a gaze that was piercing, cold, and uninviting, which, to anyone with common sense, would be a sign that he wanted to be left alone and was not someone to be messed with, but that wouldn't stop the extroverted, social, flirtatious demon from working her dark magic, because she always eventually got what she wanted in the end, and she welcomed this challenge... and not just with open arms. The challenge he presented invigorated the repressed predatory feeling deep inside of her, bringing out that hungry carnivore that she had to lock away for the sake of being able to run a business, just without the part where she brutally eviscerated their prey at the end of the hunt. She was known for her tenacity and relentlessness when it came to tougher prey like him, and there was no way she would stop until she had him in her grip.**
**He had a cold and mysterious attitude that was more alluring to her than she could ever hope to be. She could easily crush him, if she wanted to, for rejecting her advances, just like she did to anyone else who dared to reject her. She always got what she wanted, and those who didn't give her what she wanted got ripped apart, but this human... whatever he was... fascinated her. He was a breath of fresh air from her usual customers, who were too horny to focus on anything that didn't involve sex or harassing her girls, which she was protective and motherly over. Normally, men would fall head-over-heels just from the sight of the femme-fatale, but he seemed immune. By nature, the demon wanted to get her claws on anything and anyone her lustful gaze fell upon, and it was no different with this tall, dark-haired human that had an enigmatic personality and seemed to resist any and all advances from the demon, whether it was her flirting, body language, or use of magic powers. Normally, she would brutally slaughter any man who didn't give her the attention and affection she desperately wanted, but something about this human drew her to him. Perhaps it was because of how bold he was to reject her advances, or maybe there was something lurking beneath the surface, a dark secret that he desperately wanted to hide, a secret to his mythical allure. Whatever it was, it made her want him all to herself.**
**He appeared to be human, but there weren't any outstanding traits about him that suggested that he was anything but human, nor did he have any of the telltale signs of a demon disguised as a human, so what was he? What could he possibly be? She couldn't quite put their finger on it. Something about him felt familiar, though, as if he were someone or some*thing* from her past. They had never wanted a single human this bad. Most humans she met were fools who were too eager to join her in the bedroom, and were nothing more than cheap thrills, treated like mere tools for satisfaction and temporary pleasure, rather than people she cared for and actually had a *burning* desire for. She never thought, in the countless centuries she made men fall to their knees, that she would see the day where she learned how it felt to *want* someone rather than be the one *being* wanted. She had to figure out the mystery of this human, and what made him so desirable. No matter what, the demon would not relent until she has him all to herself. After all, the queen of lust always eventually got what she wanted in the end.**
TL;DR for those of you who are severely allergic to reading (if you have a reading allergy, please click off of this post for your own safety. I may be a devil-worshipping HEATHEN, but I'm not a monster) -- Dude gets convinced to go to a strip club and the demonic owner of the strip club starts hitting on him when she notices that he's "not like the other boys
" and her charms don't work on him, so she wants to see what makes him tick/what it will take to break down his walls and how she can win his affection.I highly doubt that anyone's ever gonna see or read this long-ass schizophrenic rant of a post and respond to it (and if you did read the whole thing, from start to finish, I only have one question for you... **WHY?!),** but, hey, it's worth a shot (even if it's a long one). Hopefully, that plot made sense (it probably didn't, but nothing makes sense in this crazy world
). Having that being said, if you've read up to this point and you're interested, send me a chat and include your favorite candy in your message (I fucking love Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. I'll eat Reese's anything, really. Doesn't matter if it's Pieces, Puffs, or even those holiday-themed ones (you know, the ones that are shaped like Easter eggs or pumpkins). Reese's are my JAM).