♥━━ ᴛᴀɪʟs ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀʟʟᴇʏ ━━♥ 🅽🆂🅵🆆

[Kitten]

K I T T E N S J O U R N A L ━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━ Here I will post any and everything. Please do not post in here. PM me instead if something piqued your interest.

♥ M E O W ! A little about me. I'm a female in my late twenties and happily married to my high school sweetheart of 15 years. I have 5 cats, but have 1 angel dog and 3 angel cats waiting for me at the rainbow bridge. I listen to any and everything, but my favorite music genre is dubset/edm. I can't really remember what dragged me into the world of writing, especially since I wasn't too fond of reading in my early years. Thought I'd be a Veterinarian by now, but life happened, and I'm content with letting that dream rest peacefully. I love to draw, but wish I was more motivated to do it more. I have 9 tattoos and counting.

favorite food - ramen favorite dessert - fruit tarts favorite drink - chai tea w/ honey favorite anime - attack on titan favorite music artist - ava max favorite color - purple favorite animal - cats favorite season - spring favorite holiday - halloween favorite disney movie - frozen favorite smell - lilacs favorite hero - starfire ...

 

[Kitten]

━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━ And the more I think about death the more I feel the same But it's here in the dark With every beat of my heart That I can hear the darkness sing ━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━ SET TO STUN - STARIA III: THE ACOLYTES OF AMADEUS ▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃ 0:55xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 9:05 ​

D E A T H ━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━​ Everyone thinks of it, at least some point in their life. It could've been brought up by a death in the family, hearing about it on the news, on social media, but the inevitable always finds a way to creep into ones mind. Some can simply shrug their shoulders, accept their mortality, but for people like myself? It festers in your mind, cripples you with hopelessness, knowing there is absolutely nothing you can do to alter your fate. I'm tired of waking up in the dead of night, gasping, chanting "I don't want to die" and waking up my husband in the process because I'm clinging to him for comfort. He cradles me, pets my hair, and tells me that everything will be alright. But it won't be alright. Because one day, I will cease to exist, and he will too, and everyone else I know and love, and the thought of that is horrific. How can the elemental balance of life, all of us being born live and born to die, be so scary? It's natural, no matter how much society deems it as taboo. I just want to accept death, to not fear it, but so much is unknown about the most innate part of life. It's comical, because living is honestly more terrifying than dying, yet, the mysteriousness of it is what roots it all for me. I truly feel if there was a definitive "this is what happens when you die, this is what you feel, and this is what happens afterwards" would perhaps make it less traumatizing. But the thought of there being nothing is scary, and the same goes for eternal life. Ugh. Regardless, I just hope that when my time comes, I will accept it and embrace it. All I ask is to plant catnip on my grave. I want to be visited by lots and lots of cats. ​

 

[Kitten]

━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━ Press Start ━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━ MDK - Press Start ▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃ 0:15xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 3:30 ​

M O T I V A T I O N ━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━​ For some odd reason, I've been having bursts of motivation. Like, doing things after work consecutively when before I came home and went to bed. It feels so incredibly good to actually want to make use of my already restricted time. But at the same time, I'm terrified, 'cause I know it's a phase and that I'll inevitably get burnt out. UGH, why is motivation so fickle all of the time? Also, there simply isn't enough hours in the day to do everything you want. So, what do you then? You prioritize. I want to draw. I want to write. I want to read. I want to play new games. All of that takes time, and I have to prioritize everything and miss out on actives in the process, and think of a way to get to them either another day or week/month. I know I'm not the only one wishing this, but damn, I wish I could just stay home and do everything and not work while getting paid. Either way, I'm soaking up all of this motivation and using it to the best of my abilities! ​

 

[Kitten]

━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━ Thoughts are pacing they go 'round and 'round and 'round It's so draining let's move onto something else ━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━ NF - Leave Me Alone ▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃ 1:08xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 5:12 ​

M E N T A L I T Y ━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━​ The brain is a blessing and a curse. I have free will (I think..?) but at the same time, I feel trapped, as if I'm in my own self-made prison. I know I have undiagnosed ADHD, and it eats me up inside, and the last thing I want to do is take medication for it. I hear too many horrible things about Adderall and I come from a family that gets easily addicted to things. But I'm so exhausted mentally due to my brain constantly working 24/7. I think about any and everything in a matter of seconds. And when my body goes into fight or flight mode from any small or big altercation? Phew. Good fucking luck. I obsessive over it, I lose my appetite, I can't even function. And the kicker? I'm self aware of all this! I turn into someone I don't even know, and sometimes all it takes is a good cry/venting session to get back to normal. I had a really rough week, involving a quarrel with a crackhead neighbor and my job with my new coworkers (luckily a misunderstanding and we all had a heart-to-heart). But there is no reasoning why I gotta behave the way I do as soon as I am triggered. Any who, all is well now, and I'm back to normal, but I know it'll inevitably happen yet again. Braiiiiin, why can't you be fuckin' normal, ya goof? ​

 

[Kitten]

━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━ I'm the master of construction Because I'm building walls Like it's my occupation ━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━ Set It Off - I'd Rather Drown ▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃ 1:00xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 3:23 ​

FA M I L Y ━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━​ Ever since my parents passed away, no family members have attempted to reach out. I was left to figure the world out on my own at the age of 20. Of course, my husband's (boyfriend at the time) family has always been there, treating me like family from the very beginning and including me in any and everything. I thank them all of the time. I love them so much. I have one sibling, a sister. I won't get into it, but lets just say drugs altered her brain (thankfully has been clean since 2013) but the damage is already done, and she behaves like a teenager in terms of emotions, handling things, etc. I try so so so hard to build a relationship with her, 'cause she's my only family left, but she leaves me on read. Doesn't keep me in the loop. She's practically a stranger to me despite my attempts to stay in touch. For fucks sake, she lives several minutes away from me. And when I try and open up and talk to her about these issues? I'm the bad guy. I am slowly starting to learn that it's okay to remove toxic family from your life, blood or not. Ask yourself this: If my friend behaved like this, would I still consider them my friend? If the answer is no, cut them bitches out. Pronto. It hurts. It's not easy. It stings. You get reminded of them on the daily. But you know what? My peace of mind and mental health is more important. Idgaf if I'm painted as the villain in their story. I know the truth. I know I tried, and I did everything before getting to this point. I hope she comes to regret everything she's ever done to me. 'Cause she ain't getting nothin' from me anymore. She won't know if I move. If I become pregnant. Nothing. I also want to add that I think it's comical that my online friends came to my wedding in 2023, some having to travel 5+ hours, when family that lives 20 minutes away from the wedding venue couldn't even show up. (My sister did show up 'cause she walked me down the isle) Bahaha. Fuckers. Sorry, just feeling a bit bitter tonight I suppose. ​