NSFW Ramblings and Sketchings From A Mad Man

[FurryDaddyBear]

Entry 1

Hello
I am FurryDaddyBear
I am a trans man who met the love of his life on a rp website
I want to write, I want to share, I want to tell stories

I live with two other people, I wish for my bf to move up here with me

i
i struggle but this shall be entries for myself and random updates throughout life and whatnot
it;ll be interesting to see what all happens

im currently applying to jobs as a graphic designer, i want to draw more in my free time, ill share some of my art here probably, but im currently playing elden ring but with only parrying, and not leveling my heath

i have a hard time focusing, i take medication for it

i want to make more friends but i dont know how hehe

I finally started using my macbook again, it was all, fucked up
but yeah
thats all on my mind for now
have some art

a r t nsfw fetish

Nebula furry

She is my fursona, if you have anything to say about her, mean or nice, lemme know <3

Simon furry

uh im kinda young i guess, im only 24, but i wanna share so much with people, idk, call it whatever you want
i guess i just dont wanna feel alone
send me a pm if you ever wanna just talk? i love knowing people's stories

i think i bother people more then i ever make people happy

sinner

part of me wants to be poly but my partner doesnt want that
i have a therapy appointment tomorrow, and im gonna tell him all about this, even if i know its baddddd heheehe
i feel bad for ghosting people but i dont know how to tell people that im just not vibing with somethin?????
i wanna try sucking a cock /)/////(\
i want to be fucking remembered for something

uhh, goodnight chat, sleep good, its 3 am right now for me

 

[FurryDaddyBear]

Entry 2

Went to therapy, he had me sit with parts and we all talked

Our parts

Creep

Wants us to find intimacy
Doesn't feel like our needs are met
feels like we are focusing too much on them and not ourselves
Struggling to feel adequate
Missing the praise as it seems he has more to worry about then love on you
Greedy for feeling this way (?)
Feeling like my stuff isn't as important
Missing physical touches and craving just tender affection
Am I a horrible person?

Ramshaw

Everyone has a limit
You're not getting your fill
I think you're just sad because you lack the physical side of it
We miss it
I think we miss when he was more... affectionate to us?
Maybe we miss how much he used to say to us about how he liked us
Its confusing
Part of us misses him, part of us feels... empty

Brutus gatekeeper

He's loved us since the beginning
Weve loved him since weve met him
We hold him close to our heart
You're going to back stab him by wanting more love
Youre greedy
You ruin everything you touch and that includes this relationship
Guilty guilty guilty
He will hate you and he'll blame you and then he'll kill himself and it'll be all your fault

I sit and rot at my computer, I have applied to jobs like a good slut lmfao fuck
I am alone : )))))))))

why im a bad bf

i didnt tell him i wanted to or im thinking i want to be poly, but i told him im tired of wiating and he wants to hurt himself, oops

things i enjoy

chainsaw man
cheesey rps
creampies
cuntboys
drawing
erotic slow burns
furry/yurren
gender bending of all kinds
monsters and men
pokemon
yaoi
yugioh

im gonna gnaw my teeth outta my head

 

[FurryDaddyBear]

Entry 3

I have applied to soooOOOo many jobs rn
im doing my best but my portfolio is weak, but thats why im hoping to hear back from someone
entry level we... we doing our best

ramble 1

took my meds
i have work later
perhaps ill upload some art you cant find elsewhere
but maybe not idk yet
we shall seee hehehee

i will never be happy and thats okay
i dont think i have the right
hehe

You don't have the right O you don't have the right

im going to rip my teeth outta my head for funsies

I have muse so bear (hehe) with me

An Angel's Gaze ~ 1st Person ~ Abraxas

I was breathing hard, panting as my teeth felt as if they were too big for my mouth. I could feel them protruding, they glinted with saliva and felt heavy like silver. My eyes, I could feel every single one of them. They glared into nothing and saw everything. I could see myself from a third view, but I could also see what was in front, behind, and besides me. I felt out with my hands, feeling the ground beneath me. I have felt everything, I have been in the vast void of space, was left to explore the nothingness of this universe. I deserve to feel it all again. But where... where am I? I take in everything around me, and notice the one who gave me their blood. I gaze at him with my eyes, taking in everything he has to offer. Beautiful skin, the color of the lovely fertile dessert. Eyes that were the [color} of [descriptor}. Rolls of black silk formed from his chin.

I stood, my hooves hitting the ground. My wings, light, tattered, burdened my shoulders and back.

I'm a bad bf part 2

I have work soon
I know I am not the greatest
i hurt him i think
hehe
rip my heart out
he doesnt even make me cum
i cant tell him that, its not okay
i love him so so much
im obsessed with him
but im so greedy and want even more and more and more, i miss it all, and
ive always wanted to know what its like to be a slut tbh, i wanna whore myself out for attention sometimes hehee whooops
i won't, id never betray his trust, that just wouldnt be right

gods i wanna feel it over me though

i almost became a sugar baby bc i was desperate
i
i kinda wanna be one still
but i wanna treat someone like that myself

gods

im not very good
i wish i could be a sugar baby for someone, just for a little bit
i tell him i want to be treated like a puppy and he ignores me it feels like sometimes, which hurts tbh

i dont think he's as happy as he can be

i love his eyes
theyre beautiful
pools of fertile land
i love watching him be blissful
why do i want more then that?
is it because i am such a greedy creature?

I have taken my meds and I have evened out some, I am not as... frazzled as I was

 

[FurryDaddyBear]

Entry 4

Am i doing these daily? yes, yes i am heheehe

"there is a wolf screaming in my throat"

I have work soon
Mayhaps it'll soon be my last

worries

i make my family worried i guess
my mom has been spearheading me about things
i
i dont think im getting better in her eyes
but whatever i guess
thats why i have issues ah

off work
i think i get better then i get worse idk

2 am thoughts

when I was a kid, I used to to sit outside and draw, I liked to sit and watch the road, and I'd draw
My mom would get mad at me all the time for drawing outside
i dont know why
it feels like shes been breathing down my neck, i dont have the guts to tekl her to back off since she helps me financially
I have a sucky job trying to pay both rent and college bills, im bad with money, and im trying to get better
She shames me for being in love with my partner
I even told my sister and she laughed it off but
idk
she seems to hate him
i dont like it
she doesnt like that hes poor probably
she said hes sucking the life out of me but she honestly does somedays

 

[FurryDaddyBear]

Entry 5

sick of these yet??
hehee
i am but just a wee strange creature
offering my ramblings of who knows what of he knows when?

hehehehehe
i can tell the future

ramble 2

• me
  I have the power to tell the future but its specific case by case basis
  thank you for coming to my tedtalk
  bows
• bf
  intuition?
• me
  idk what that word means
  so no
• bf
  a: the power or faculty of attaining to direct knowledge or cognition without evident rational thought and inference
  b: immediate apprehension or cognition
  c: knowledge or conviction gained by intuition

[/LIST]
I think i can tell the future tbh

ramble 3

I love my bf, he told me under no circumstances that he'd be poly
i guess i just have to suck it up cause i really do love him
thats okay
we keep going and thats okay

 

[FurryDaddyBear]

Entry 6

6??? 6 of these fuckers????
damn
i cant tell if im proud or disappointed, whoopw shwoops
i think i want someone to tear me apart, grab my mouth and jaw, rip it clean off
cant do it

spilling blood

I want to scream into the voidno one will love youpeople are excited to spit on your graveif i scream loud enough someone will come dig me upfuck me upfuck me upfuck me upscreamscreamscreamrip me uprip me apartlimb from limb bleedbloodthrow yourself into the voidmy cuts are healedbut they could be so prettyI'm gonna fucking scream

Disappointment

youre a dissapointment
imagine the look on moms face when you finally off yourself
hehe
she'd probably be happier not having to worry about such a looser
i bet she still wishes she had a daughter
i dont undestand
i took my meds
why am i such a failure

went to work
came home
i just
i want to be nothing or think nothing

 

[FurryDaddyBear]

Entry 7

a brush with my cold hands

everyone says my hands are cold and clamy
i guess its cause im fat, but whatever
you told me my hands were so soft
you touched them and kissed them
let me know they were safe
you told me how much you loved my hands
how you tell me you adore them
others dont like my hands
they dont like the way i feel
but you
you love how warm my hands are

i have work soon

am i a bad child?

probably
we got into a
tiff?
tiff
im just doing my best
but she is as well
i think im just horrible
but whatever
im jsut a bad kid
one day ill figure it out
but maybe i wont
we'll figure it out one day
i will
i hope i will

i wanna disappear
i wonder what'll happen when i can show you what i think
i wonder how long it'll take for people to love or hate me
probably hate me
hehehe
tear my heart out hehe
teeth teeth teeth teeth teeth teeth teeth teeth teeth
fangs fangs fangs fangs fangs fangs fangs fangs
sharp sharp sharp sharp sharp sharp sharp
bite bite bite bite bite bite bite bite bite
evil little thing
youre a user
abuser
use everyone around you
you have people trust you then stab them
why why
cause youre just a little
fake fuck
you fake fucking cow

work time

home

ramble 4

i want to go on a hunger strike
maybe ill stop spending money on stupid shit
maybe ill quietly fade
idk
i cant cause, well, i like food too much
i dont think people like me very much, my coworker gives me strange looks every now and again
maybe she thinks im an abomination
who knows
eh
i cant say i care
thats a lie
i care
i care a lot
i wish i didnt care what people think about me
but i care constantly
and im so afraid im going to mess everything and everyone up

 

[FurryDaddyBear]

Entry 8

lets hope I did it
I really mightve done it
I think i finally got a job in my field
praying, hoping, being a slut to the god(s) above, that this job is real
fuck i want this so badly
i want to be able to do something like this and do better
ahHHHhh
screams

whoops
okay, i have an hour before work, minecraft time with the homies :3 we're dragons
dragon these nuts across your face

 

[FurryDaddyBear]

Entry 9

ahh
i have to meet with the director of relations or something like that in a bit
im really excited, but so so nervous
im afraid they'll all hate me for being inexperienced, but they did say they were hiring a junior designer
gods i probably give too much information out
One thing im worried about becoming is a LOLcow, but idk what id do to do it
im not like
mean
i dont think
if i am mean, id hope someone would tell me, i dont want to be mean
i want to make sure those around me are happy and healthy, but i wont lie, i feel like i do carry hate in my heart
i dont want too, but i think i do, but i think everyone does

here we go, currently waiting on response

Okay okay okay
i have written my letter hehe, hehe
lady manager asked me to come in early, do I? don't I?
extra money on top of extra money, but also, do I really want to?

worries 2

gods if this job isnt real
idk what ill do
lowkey, if this isnt real i just might
idk

I think ill go in early to work, just to help out and make a bit extra
I didn't, but honestly, whatever, I hope it makes them realize they need more people there

 

[FurryDaddyBear]

Entry 10

Today was just a day tbh
I got my check for my office supplies, we wait to see if it's real after 8 days
I'm so nervous tbh
But it'll be nice
I really hope everything works
But damn was I bitchy today
I had a lot of sass today for some reason, I was talking to my coworker

The chat

Me: man, i dont understand why MANGER doesnt do their duties, and did you hear they got into a tiff with a customer about doordash??
coworker: yeah, its crazy
Me: dude, theyve done so much stuff, they bullied coworkers, shamed them, and then gets mad that we "arent doing our jobs" like dude, you want us to do our things, you need to fuckin BE HERE to tell us what needs to get done and need to not think you can just blow up at people
CW: they made OTHER MANAGER alnost cry bc they yelled at her
me: stfu, no way???
Cw: *slowly nods* fr, all because she set something down in the wrong place for a moment to help a customer
me: i think when i leave, im gonna give a call to corprate or to their boss cause thats not cool, and theyve been rather, up peoples asses while forcing others to oick uo their slack
CW: do it

Also, I'm sorry if I ever worry people, I'm just... idk weird??? Nah, something idk im just here ahhhhHhhh uwu

Also this entry is late and didn't write it throughout the day like typical

 

[FurryDaddyBear]

Entry 11

ah
i missed a 2 days
the job is a scam
im so idk
im numb and tired
i just want to create for people
is that too hard to ask?
maybe my work is just garbage
it is tbh
my grandma went on hospice, then died at her home
i know shes at peace
i wish i could cry more, but its okay
we keep going
she wanted me to be happy
im so lucky to have had her in my life