Wanderer's Journal of Thoughts

[Mister Wanderer]

Hey! New to this. I thought it would be nice to put out the thoughts I have. Whether relating to RPing or Life. I won't try to put my personal life on here in terms of extreme detail. Mentions. I will also try to to not be NSFW, but I may put it under spoiler. If you read any of these journals & want to message me about it or comment, go ahead~ I will try to have something to say instead of the daily musings. I hope this brings fun. And if you're an RP partner reading this (current or old), just know I will never roast you on this. Though may mention my feelings of the RP as it was happening or as it's happening, just know I won't say anything you're doing. Mostly what I feel towards me~

[1/7/2025]
This site is scary, different and amazing. I seen so many Request Threads of RPs other sites I tried going to cannot being to have. I have gotten requests and ideas thrown. I even got to present some ideas. I mean par for the course in an RP site, but it's still fantastic.

I once had a small discord community of RP people... we trusted each other. I kind of miss that. I guess I get it. Everyone has their preference and their will always be a gain of trust. Sometimes I miss it though, talk about RPs (NSFW or not) with each other. Bounce ideas about RP we were never going to do. We even talk about kinks. I miss that, but I understand I may not ever get that. I think I would come off as flirting if I even HINTED at talking about kinky RPs with people in a casual manner. It was something I did with previous partners in the Discord Community... I am slowly getting over it. I know I kind of have to. I still miss it though...

I did also make a Request Thread. Got to bump it... sadly no takers. I have this weird anxiety about presenting ideas. I mean I mentioned this to a few RP Partners and even put it as a status, but I try to be safe in RP Request... I just don't know. The update on 1/6/2025 for my thread added plots, but the plots were very NSFW. I feel so nervous doing that... I feel like I drive off people with it. I put it in the thread, but I do wish if I could make it clear that my plot ideas are just ideas. Their not the wants, just the ideas I thought and was curious if ANYONE would be interested. I have a lot of ideas... both NSFW and non-NSFW... I get scared wanting to present them. Who knows, maybe I will find the secret one day lol For now, I am happy with what I have so far.

I think I am getting close to being open about my secret RP craving idea. I been told many times it's tame compared to others. Dunno, I will still refer to it as the Kiss of Death. Maybe it's my RP style? Trying to work on all that. I hope I get to look back at this secret RP craving notion and get to laugh. For now, I will remain nervous~

As for real life, just a normal Tuesday. I tried texting the crush I will never be with a meme. Sigh, I guess I'm also a hopeless romantic~ But it was an okay day. Maybe the coming days will get better.

 

[Mister Wanderer]

[1/19/2025]

I dunno what tomorrow holds, but I know today is a good day. Maybe... I been having good days.

I finally got to figure out how to word why I don't mind or like cheating in RP. Firstly, in real life cheating is horrible and complicated. In real life cheating is too messy and complicated, it can't be described or defined on an emotional level. But I think it's the unrealistic version of cheating that I can do in RPs. The version where there aren't the usual consequences that real life would bring. I think it's a reason why I can delve into the taboo. Things like non-con, dub-con, and incest... I am able to do in RP because there's this version in RP that can make it not realistic.

I don't mean to make fun of anyone who is like this... I always found it fascinating. Cheating has always been this sore spot for many RPers. I've seen post of people who would the most depraved to violent things in the RP, but the mention of cheating is sometimes to be averted. I never knew why, I never knew how someone can do an RP where they play a character who is going to be violated, but being unfaithful is bridge too far... I may still not get it, but I heard many different interpretations.

Now, I know there may be someone reading this who does not even like any taboo. And once again, I am not trying to invalidate anyone's feelings. This isn't trying to convince anyone to like cheating, just speaking about it. There as many people who don't like cheating in RP than people who don't care or can accept it. It's a matter of perspective. But reasoning has always differed (circumstances too)

I heard many different responses when I brought up cheating in RPs. The husband has to be an asshole, neglectful, or deserving of his partner (main character) cheating. Maybe they cheat themselves but do it a horrible way making the 'cheating' in the RP more romantic. Personally, I am not the biggest fan of this. But I am also not the biggest fan of cucking or self-cucking... where the man is crying in the corner and feeling inadequate or masturbating while his wife gets railed by a usually more dominant male, but he is still secretly into it. This will sound weird, but I like pure cheating where there aren't any of the realistic consequence.

I never could find the words for it, but that's my reasoning. At least I want to end with saying I do not have the correct opinion. It's just what I see and why I can present cheating in RPs so easily~

 

[Mister Wanderer]

[1/20/2025]

Short Story: (I know) The Candle that was once lit...

The candle was lit for the first time. It remembers the spark that started it all. It remembers how it was swayed with the scent of imagination. It remembers how happy the one who sparked it was. The candle felt the greatest warmth...
The candle was only lit once...

"I will light you again tomorrow." Said the one who lit the candle that day.

"I know," said the candle happily.

A day goes by, the candle has not been lit.

"I was busy today, I will light you again tomorrow." Said the one who lit the candle the day before

"I know," said the candle joyful.

Another day goes by, the candle has not been lit.

"Sorry, today was just so hectic. I felt like a mess. I will light you again tomorrow." Said the one who lit the candle two days before.

"I know," said the candle assured.

A week goes by, the candle has not been lit.

"Life is just so hectic all the time. You can't expect me to have time to light you up again. I promise I will tomorrow" said the one who lit the candle a week ago.

"I know," said the candle accepting.

Another week goes by, the candle has not been lit.

"Things are a mess in my life. I can't be expected to always light you. It takes too much time! So what if I lit you once. That once was already too much. I promise I will finally light you tomorrow, for sure!" Said the one who lit the candle once two weeks ago.

"I know," said the candle expected.

Another week... still the candle has not been lit.

"It's just been a busy..."

"I know," said the candle.

"Wait, I haven't said anything yet..."

"I know," said the candle.

"You're being selfish! You just want me to light you up the same way I did before!"

"I know," said the candle.

"How unreasonable. I have a life to live! I have things to do outside of lighting you!"

"I know," said the candle.

"I promise, I will light..."

"I know," said the candle, knowing the promise. The candle has not been lit since...

 

[Mister Wanderer]

[1/20/2025] Part 2

A user on here enjoyed my candle tale. It made me very happy~

 

[Mister Wanderer]

[1/21/2025]

I decided to start to do things differently. Both in life and with my time, whether this hobby or any other...

I don't want this to come of pretentious or for me to be sounding deep, but I have been feeling days are numbered. Not for the end of it all, but for the joys I am able to do. Especially because of the color of my skin. And I am not saying that like death is staring at me, no, I think something else is staring at me. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm paranoid, but the feeling is still there. And I been feeling alone more than ever...

I made the candle post because that is truly how I sometimes feel in the things I do. I find this spark in something, most of the time ignited by someone else, and await that spark to 'light up the candle'. It never comes and day by day, it becomes inconvenient to light up said candle despite being promised it over and over.

I just realized I compromise a lot of what brings me joy. I try to be 'safe'. And I've made mistakes that I really regret even now, learning as I go... but I also met some people who I could be open with and I met some people who claim I can be open with and shut me down. Not their fault though, I just didn't know the level of openness. But being open isn't what makes me happy, just the things that make me happy makes me happy. And I have been compromising that. And I don't think I have time for that anymore, sadly.

I can't sit and pretend that not lighting the candle for days on end isn't heartbreaking, soul breaking, demoralizing, or just painful...

I may get things wrong and may make mistakes. Maybe the same mistakes I claim I will stop making. But I will try myself happy. I just hope I make others happy along the way.

If I ever messaged or been messaged by anyone I ended up kind of ghosting. Sorry, I won't a second chance or beg. If you give me one, I'll be grateful. Other than that, I'll start making things in site that I enjoy. I won't compromise and I won't let anyone promise to light the candle only to not be able to.

Thank you for reading~