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dramamine213
Star
- Joined
- Jul 5, 2009
Yes. You read this correctly.
I'm not sure how many people know, here on BM, about my somewhat tragic past. Ignore the crap cliche sound of that and bare with me. Thank you.
When I was 8 years old, my Uncle Jim (Or Unkie as we called him) felt it was a good idea to introduce me to molestation. He played it off as a creepy game at first. I remember him removing his shirt in my dad's room as his room was too full of paperback books, garbage, and comic books. He laid on the bed with his belly upwards and he hands above his head, telling me he wanted to see how strong he was. I found it odd that he needed me to show him how strong he was, but usually, stupid crap like this ended up with ice cream or some reward.
How dumb and innocent I was. I listened and sat in his hands as he was going to lift me over his head and chest and see how long he could hold me. Or that's what he told me. It was at this moment, he doomed me to nearly 15 years of sexual retardation. It was this perverted action that kept me from being a normal masturbating female.
For 15 years, I have been experimenting with myself at various times, trying to shed myself of this event. To evolve into normalcy like the rest of you folks. For many of my years following that day (which became 2 years of sneaky tricks and bribing), I have tried putting so many things in my vagina to stimulate myself feeling my clitoris was forever tainted. Little did I know that those feelings of overwhelming discomfort were the beginnings of arousal.
It's only been recently, say in the past 2 weeks, that I've actually made myself orgasm. At age 25, I feel I'm behind. I feel like I have catching up to do. I feel that I have finally shed that horrible event's trauma. I have reclaimed my clit in the name of climaxing! But what the hell does that have to do with you, much less this journal?
I'll tell you. It's in hopes to document my accomplishments from here on (as I can remember to) so I can reflect on my progress. And not in some weird way, but I hope that by describing what I'm doing or some of the things I think about might allow someone who's suffering to realize that you can shed that and evolve into a new you. A lot of my depression seems to fade for a while after I've gotten off, but this is an ongoing experiment with myself.
But this also serves another purpose. It allows me to share how I'm feeling and the things I am feeling with others who may not understand what it's like or just a glimpse inside my head to understand my version of female masturbation. I just hope this is an aid to someone, whether you're fapping to my fapping or if you're learning something, I'll be happy.
So here it goes....
Week 2, Fap Session 4
Let's start off with me saying that when I begin, I have to wait until hubby and baby are asleep. I haven't had the nerve to masturbate in front of hubby yet. Though, earlier today, we were about to masturbate to each other while the baby napped... but the roomie came home early from work. What a shame, I was looking forward to his giddy cuddling after. He tells me he's so proud of me figuring it out and encourages me to do it as often as I am comfortable. Even though he's a dick some days, I love that man a lot. To be able to put up with my low libido and my crankiness AND tell me to fap it out. How sweet! Enough gushy crap.
Usually, it's late and I load up gaybeast.com. Why? Because men fucking animals and animals fucking men get me hot. I like to pretend I'm some of the mares getting pounded or fisted. It's quite nice, I tell you. I usually have some paper towels set near by to deal with Lube Fingers. You know, them sticky fingers once you've applied lube? God, it's annoying to use a mouse when it's all gooey. Ahem.
The brand of lube I use is something called Wet. It's not great and when it's gone, it's not being bought again. I've tried KY Silk and that's just as fail. I need to get something else soon. But I load up the freebie movies cuz I ain't paying for porn on the internet. I go for the horse/man videos first because dog cocks are kinda gross to me, but they can be nice if knotted deep in an ass.
With that, I get about 10 minutes worth of movies lined up in my tabs. Before I press play, I apply about a nickel sized blob of lube to my left index and middle fingers. I saturate the clitoral hood, the labia minora, and that space between the piss hole and the clit. Once I'm all lubed, I idly rub those two fingers from the top of my hood to the tip of my clit. This usually takes 2-3 minutes before I have a good start on an erect clit.
One of the thoughts that helped me break through to Orgasmville is realizing that the clit is much like a tiny uncut cock. That thought makes me so hot because I would kill to have a nice looking functional (I mistyped it as fucktional, lol) cock. I've had realistic dreams about being a proud cock owner and I swear I know what it's like to rub one out. They were that real, I swear.
Once my clit is good and erect, I click play on my first video. I usually watch for the horse cunt winking (basically, it's like that breathing-thing a pre-orgasmic pussy does) as that tells me that the man is pleasing the mare and not just using her. I managed to find a few videos of such a thing this morning and that made me quite happy.
I start to rub in a counter-clockwise fashion on the hood that covers my tiny clit. It never pokes out on its own, so I have to love it from the hood or use both hands to expose and 'tickle'. Tonight, I used the hood rubbing method for 3 of the 4 orgasms I gave myself in 30 minutes. I have to reapply lube in between orgasms as it gets sticky versus staying wet, but it's refreshing when you do reapply.
Now, the orgasms themselves are weird compared to the vaginal ones I've enjoyed a few times in my life. My vaginal orgasms are back arching and leg seizing with a choked out gasp. I really don't make much noise when I get off either way, which is weird because I love screaming and yelling while having sex.
Anyways, my clitoral orgasms come on much faster than my vaginal, usually taking 4-5 minutes before I get off from initial stimulation. I have a cool down period while my clit boner goes down and chills out for a minute. Just like you guys do sometimes. I can't, so far, cum back to back yet. It's way too sensitive for me to do it, but maybe hubby can once I get to that comfort level.
The orgasm sneaks up and my legs get numb and seize up for the moments before the orgasm, as does my left eyebrow... which is hilarious as it has a little nerve damage to it. At this point, I'm rubbing my left hand over my hood at a crazy speed and then I feel the strange relief in my body like a warm comforting drug slips through my veins. At that point, I feel my pussy spasm by placing my hand over my vaginal entrance. I like feeling that as it helps me get accustomed to what the hell goes on down there. So much porn and too little education material to be found in it.
But after the spasms subside, I went another 3 times in the next 20 minutes. Each time I had to wait for the erection to go down. I wanted to go for number 5, but my labia minora are a little angry at me right now. Plus my clit is a little numb. lol
As I sit and write this, I feel my labia minora... twitching? It feels like being flicked in spots on them or tiny localized pops inside them near the edges. Very weird and a little annoying. Had several scares of hubby tossing in the bed as well as the baby fussing as she rolled over. And I swear, that dead beat roomie could have been watching me. As I got off the third time, there was a loud crash coming from the really dark room he sleeping in. Sounded like he was tripping over the nightstand that's near his door. With that in mind, I barely managed orgasm 4, and it was far less enjoyable.
Next time, I'm hoping to see how long I can rub on myself before I *HAVE* to get myself off. I want to know what that is like. I know it's not something you'd normally want to feel, but I'd like to know for the experience as it would be totally new.
Thanks for reading. <3
I'm not sure how many people know, here on BM, about my somewhat tragic past. Ignore the crap cliche sound of that and bare with me. Thank you.
When I was 8 years old, my Uncle Jim (Or Unkie as we called him) felt it was a good idea to introduce me to molestation. He played it off as a creepy game at first. I remember him removing his shirt in my dad's room as his room was too full of paperback books, garbage, and comic books. He laid on the bed with his belly upwards and he hands above his head, telling me he wanted to see how strong he was. I found it odd that he needed me to show him how strong he was, but usually, stupid crap like this ended up with ice cream or some reward.
How dumb and innocent I was. I listened and sat in his hands as he was going to lift me over his head and chest and see how long he could hold me. Or that's what he told me. It was at this moment, he doomed me to nearly 15 years of sexual retardation. It was this perverted action that kept me from being a normal masturbating female.
For 15 years, I have been experimenting with myself at various times, trying to shed myself of this event. To evolve into normalcy like the rest of you folks. For many of my years following that day (which became 2 years of sneaky tricks and bribing), I have tried putting so many things in my vagina to stimulate myself feeling my clitoris was forever tainted. Little did I know that those feelings of overwhelming discomfort were the beginnings of arousal.
It's only been recently, say in the past 2 weeks, that I've actually made myself orgasm. At age 25, I feel I'm behind. I feel like I have catching up to do. I feel that I have finally shed that horrible event's trauma. I have reclaimed my clit in the name of climaxing! But what the hell does that have to do with you, much less this journal?
I'll tell you. It's in hopes to document my accomplishments from here on (as I can remember to) so I can reflect on my progress. And not in some weird way, but I hope that by describing what I'm doing or some of the things I think about might allow someone who's suffering to realize that you can shed that and evolve into a new you. A lot of my depression seems to fade for a while after I've gotten off, but this is an ongoing experiment with myself.
But this also serves another purpose. It allows me to share how I'm feeling and the things I am feeling with others who may not understand what it's like or just a glimpse inside my head to understand my version of female masturbation. I just hope this is an aid to someone, whether you're fapping to my fapping or if you're learning something, I'll be happy.
So here it goes....
Week 2, Fap Session 4
Let's start off with me saying that when I begin, I have to wait until hubby and baby are asleep. I haven't had the nerve to masturbate in front of hubby yet. Though, earlier today, we were about to masturbate to each other while the baby napped... but the roomie came home early from work. What a shame, I was looking forward to his giddy cuddling after. He tells me he's so proud of me figuring it out and encourages me to do it as often as I am comfortable. Even though he's a dick some days, I love that man a lot. To be able to put up with my low libido and my crankiness AND tell me to fap it out. How sweet! Enough gushy crap.
Usually, it's late and I load up gaybeast.com. Why? Because men fucking animals and animals fucking men get me hot. I like to pretend I'm some of the mares getting pounded or fisted. It's quite nice, I tell you. I usually have some paper towels set near by to deal with Lube Fingers. You know, them sticky fingers once you've applied lube? God, it's annoying to use a mouse when it's all gooey. Ahem.
The brand of lube I use is something called Wet. It's not great and when it's gone, it's not being bought again. I've tried KY Silk and that's just as fail. I need to get something else soon. But I load up the freebie movies cuz I ain't paying for porn on the internet. I go for the horse/man videos first because dog cocks are kinda gross to me, but they can be nice if knotted deep in an ass.
With that, I get about 10 minutes worth of movies lined up in my tabs. Before I press play, I apply about a nickel sized blob of lube to my left index and middle fingers. I saturate the clitoral hood, the labia minora, and that space between the piss hole and the clit. Once I'm all lubed, I idly rub those two fingers from the top of my hood to the tip of my clit. This usually takes 2-3 minutes before I have a good start on an erect clit.
One of the thoughts that helped me break through to Orgasmville is realizing that the clit is much like a tiny uncut cock. That thought makes me so hot because I would kill to have a nice looking functional (I mistyped it as fucktional, lol) cock. I've had realistic dreams about being a proud cock owner and I swear I know what it's like to rub one out. They were that real, I swear.
Once my clit is good and erect, I click play on my first video. I usually watch for the horse cunt winking (basically, it's like that breathing-thing a pre-orgasmic pussy does) as that tells me that the man is pleasing the mare and not just using her. I managed to find a few videos of such a thing this morning and that made me quite happy.
I start to rub in a counter-clockwise fashion on the hood that covers my tiny clit. It never pokes out on its own, so I have to love it from the hood or use both hands to expose and 'tickle'. Tonight, I used the hood rubbing method for 3 of the 4 orgasms I gave myself in 30 minutes. I have to reapply lube in between orgasms as it gets sticky versus staying wet, but it's refreshing when you do reapply.
Now, the orgasms themselves are weird compared to the vaginal ones I've enjoyed a few times in my life. My vaginal orgasms are back arching and leg seizing with a choked out gasp. I really don't make much noise when I get off either way, which is weird because I love screaming and yelling while having sex.
Anyways, my clitoral orgasms come on much faster than my vaginal, usually taking 4-5 minutes before I get off from initial stimulation. I have a cool down period while my clit boner goes down and chills out for a minute. Just like you guys do sometimes. I can't, so far, cum back to back yet. It's way too sensitive for me to do it, but maybe hubby can once I get to that comfort level.
The orgasm sneaks up and my legs get numb and seize up for the moments before the orgasm, as does my left eyebrow... which is hilarious as it has a little nerve damage to it. At this point, I'm rubbing my left hand over my hood at a crazy speed and then I feel the strange relief in my body like a warm comforting drug slips through my veins. At that point, I feel my pussy spasm by placing my hand over my vaginal entrance. I like feeling that as it helps me get accustomed to what the hell goes on down there. So much porn and too little education material to be found in it.
But after the spasms subside, I went another 3 times in the next 20 minutes. Each time I had to wait for the erection to go down. I wanted to go for number 5, but my labia minora are a little angry at me right now. Plus my clit is a little numb. lol
As I sit and write this, I feel my labia minora... twitching? It feels like being flicked in spots on them or tiny localized pops inside them near the edges. Very weird and a little annoying. Had several scares of hubby tossing in the bed as well as the baby fussing as she rolled over. And I swear, that dead beat roomie could have been watching me. As I got off the third time, there was a loud crash coming from the really dark room he sleeping in. Sounded like he was tripping over the nightstand that's near his door. With that in mind, I barely managed orgasm 4, and it was far less enjoyable.
Next time, I'm hoping to see how long I can rub on myself before I *HAVE* to get myself off. I want to know what that is like. I know it's not something you'd normally want to feel, but I'd like to know for the experience as it would be totally new.
Thanks for reading. <3
