une obscurité oubliée

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went on a walk this morning to try and clear the head. this year has been brutal on health and spirit and i felt the spiral once more. downwards with no return-up button, or at least, that's what it feels like at first. the stress of the year has not made the upward route easy at all. illness at the beginning of the year my own where i had been handed a reminder of the human condition. earl, the ulcer and maranda the murmer could have kept their creation to themselves but instead, took a hammer to my insurance. and my body. my mother, who had been in remission was told that terrance the tumour was inoperable... too close to the heart and the risk of rupture was imminent. terrance made quick work of the alcohol she supplied it and a month after the new year crested, hospice, my old stomping ground showed up. march had been the last month in this realm april brought with it new obstacles when the grand came home from her turn in the hospital merry-go-round. the kiddo has been in and out of surgery her turn is seemingly never-ending a body like mine that has turned against her so young. thrice she laid in the operating room thrice i had hoped it would be the last one thrice i prayed for her to be okay. she was. came back sassier than when she went in. a side effect of the scapel, she jests. i am convinced they helped the 'horseman of the apocalypse gene' advance august has been a busy month for the hospital several if we count this week... sunday had been the day the grand took another stay this one, she had been moved out of town a stroke from a clot that has placed her where she is we were told she is not going to return home... but still... the walk was to clear my head, not to list all the things but the head made the list of all the things instead. i made it back to my yard took out my ear buds and just laid down in the lawn. arms out, beckoning a meteor to land where i lay and i looked into the sky hoping for that flaming ball (mainly, i need the minerals for my time machine... but i digress, and it's classified) i looked up. no meteors no jet plane engines just a sky i wish i could paint i've no moral for this passage, as i didn't really know what i was writing to begin with just words formed into three lined stanza's to say fuck 2024.

 

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I meant to post this yesterday since I did capture a few of the images a bit after sunrise as I lay on my lawn... the sky had already shifted to its morning robes, but the clouds had still lay feathered across the sun...
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alright, 2024... whatcha gonna throw next?​ ┈┈┈┈․° ☣ °․┈┈┈┈ tempting the starving lion by calling out Fate and what is in store i am sure there is much more that could be done with the few months left i am still blessed with a pulse, despite maranda the murmur reminding me the last few days i am mortal i am blessed with a pair of lungs that still work, despite the nicotine i pull into them i am blessed with both legs that move me from point a to point b, despite being attached to a spine that is broken i am blessed with a family i sometimes like, despite having created a clone and endure her torments. i made her and i love her to the edge of the universe and back ┈┈┈┈․° ☣ °․┈┈┈┈​ just numb and angry and... n u m b couldn't sleep the mind won't stop swirling around like a wide drain circling the same topics around and around and... punoɹɐ ┈┈┈┈․° ☣ °․┈┈┈┈​ i had updated my status to being away i owe words and i will get to them i wanted to write since i couldn't sleep but writing something focused proved more difficult given the circumstances a bit of reflection a clearing of the brainhouse something to stop the swirling thoughts maybe a hammer melatonin ​

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