A Guide to RPing with Trans People

[VagrantPrincess]

So, after a long hiatus I've recently got back into RP and writing smut. Between the last time I was posting and how, I've transitioned (MtF) and find myself engaged in a very different dynamic than I used to:

After introducing myself as a trans woman who's comfortable with her penis and wants to RP a character that reflects that, my RP partner interprets that as me being a "futa" then subsequently having to explain the difference to them. So far, people have been receptive and I believe that it wasn't their intention to be offensive.

So, I figured that it'd be helpful to have a little guide to help people navigate and understand how to approach this in a way that's safe and enjoyable for everyone! Please keep in mind that this everyone's transition and needs are different, and that I'll be specifically exploring my experience in approaching being a woman with a dick (boys... I'll do my best to make this guide helpful for ya'll as well.)

Some ground rules before we get started:

What we are discussing: - How to be respectful when RPing with trans people - Asking honest questions about things you're unsure about

What we are not discussing: - Categorizing certain terms/words - Changes to BMR's TOS

Here's the tl:dr up front: The easiest way to approach this is to allow your partner to share their identity with you, and start by using language that you would use when talking to a normal person.
Why is this important? Trans people find a lot of terms primarily born out of porn to offensive at best, dehumanizing at worst. If you're genuinely looking to RP with trans people, or want to explore that dynamic, know that if you're using this terminology it's going to be a red flag, and you're only going to attract cis people whose only perspective or interest in the dynamic is pornographic and centered in the stereotypes portrayed of those characters in their fav doujinshi.

I'm going to take a risk and center this specifically on women vs. futa, since that's what I have the most experience with personally. When I read the term "futa" (or honestly, anything other than trans woman), to me it indicates a specific type of character, one that refers to sexually agressive and obsessive, fantasy/unrealistic representations of intersex women with full sets of male and female genetalia, usually comically oversized cocks, and that are fulfilling a very specific role in an RP (sources: I've read a lot of doujinshi). The unintended consequence of using this label is that you're restricting the opportunity to explore characters that don't fit this description, as opposed to noting "trans women" and keeping that open to different experiences or dynamics.

"But Vagrant Princess, that's exactly what I'm looking for!" Great! There's nothing wrong with enjoying any of that (I'm not about to be a hyprocrite, same). However, using clear language about what your kinks and desires is not only going to let people know what you're looking for, but you also get to avoid harm while doing so. If you're all about that girl dick, ask for girl dick and girl dick will find you.

"VeePee, you're so smart and pretty! What if I'm cis and want to RP as a trans person?" Awe how sweet, thank you! Exploring my gender through RP was one of the first ways that I felt safe to do so, and I highly encourage people to try it for themselves. I'd start by finding people who you are safe sharing this with, expressing what it is that you're looking to explore, then cry in the shower for 10 years before starting HRT (jjk).

"VEEP, that was more of a primer than a guide... also, you use a lot of comma splices" Okay, yeah fair point. I'm open to answering questiond, adding to the post, and making it even better! (Also, shut up no I don't, comma splices don't exist.)

PS: My PMs are open if you aren't comfortable posting here or want to discuss previous iterations/attempts at this conversation <3

 

[14Scale]

For the lack of a 'like' or similar button here...I'm happy to have just signed up to a forum and to see a post like this so quickly and it to have not had negative comments plastered all over it.

Edit: Read an earlier thread, on a related topic and now I feel foolish.

 

[Seranda]

This is neat. but is a guide really necessary? Communication is all any of us ever need. Your true identity, and those of the characters you bring to life do not always match. It's all okay as long as people are open to communicate.

 

[Revelations]

To be fair, this is a form of communication. Personally I think the guide as it is, is really nice to see. Everyone approaches RP and how to RP differently and I feel this is a helpful guide for those who may be a bit unsure as to how to approach trans people for RP without coming across as offensive or harmful.

 

[Seranda]

Yeah, I can totally see that too. Sorry if I misspoke.

 

[VagrantPrincess]

For the lack of a 'like' or similar button here...I'm happy to have just signed up to a forum and to see a post like this so quickly and it to have not had negative comments plastered all over it.

Edit: Read an earlier thread, on a related topic and now I feel foolish.

You're welcome. I wanted to have a concise thread that was focused more as a guide, so I'm glad it helped.
(PS: I didn't see any threads that wouldn't be in necromancy range, but I'd love a link to the thread that you saw <3)

This is neat. but is a guide really necessary? Communication is all any of us ever need. Your true identity, and those of the characters you bring to life do not always match. It's all okay as long as people are open to communicate.

Trans women on this site often get mislabeled, and in my short time here it's already happened a few times. Communication is important, but it's also important to have the tools to do it safely (BDSM community, back me up here LOL)

This thread is targeted at people who don't have the knowledge or experience that want to learn and ask questions. I've noticed a large number of profiles from people who have joined the site relatively recently, and am also surprised to see how many younger members that we have.

There's individual communication, but it's also important to communicate with the community as a whole. Part of what I hope to accomplish is for people to be aware of the difference, indicate that they are safe to approach, and feel safe to ask any questions.

ie. In my personal experience, if I see that someone isn't using trans female in their kinds, but do use something else, I move on and have to assume they aren't interested. Part of me wonders if people are willing to use other terms than trans to avoid being offensive or adding "trans" people as a kink. If I saw more people list both, or even just trans people, I'd gladly stick my hand up and be like "hello, yes please!"

To be fair, this is a form of communication. Personally I think the guide as it is, is really nice to see. Everyone approaches RP and how to RP differently and I feel this is a helpful guide for those who may be a bit unsure as to how to approach trans people for RP without coming across as offensive or harmful.

So long as we all stay on topic and make sure to keep this a safe place for people to respectfully ask questions, even if they feel silly or wrong to ask ^-^

Yeah, I can totally see that too. Sorry if I misspoke.

Well, as you can see by my reply, it's totally valid! It gave me a lot to think about in terms of whether or not I was too broad with the guide, and now have some perspective for future review and updates <3

 

[BigWords]

For the lack of a 'like' or similar button here...I'm happy to have just signed up to a forum and to see a post like this so quickly and it to have not had negative comments plastered all over it.

Edit: Read an earlier thread, on a related topic and now I feel foolish.

I know the war zone you're talking about. The way it was worded, it was doomed from the start.

(PS: I didn't see any threads that wouldn't be in necromancy range, but I'd love a link to the thread that you saw <3)

You really don't. It fell apart fast. Even good faith arguments were being put down and put to the torch as bad faith, on both sides no less. Fence-sitters weren't safe either. It got bloody. I affectionately call it the Warzone.

But your discussion is much more subtly worded. I don't think you'll get the same hellfire. However, if you're a carrion feeder like me, and you're interested, scroll down. The thread was called "Fetishistic Language."

 

[VagrantPrincess]

But your discussion is much more subtly worded. I don't think you'll get the same hellfire. However, if you're a carrion feeder like me, and you're interested, scroll down. The thread was called "Fetishistic Language."

I have read that thread! It's a shame that it went off track, because the on topic posts were really insightful and I felt like there was more to explore. That's part of why I created this thread, to have a space that was specifically for the people in that thread that were looking to discuss or share experiences, ask questions, etc. I don't think I captured that well enough in the opening post, so I may go back and rework it a bit!

 

[14Scale]

You're welcome. I wanted to have a concise thread that was focused more as a guide, so I'm glad it helped.
(PS: I didn't see any threads that wouldn't be in necromancy range, but I'd love a link to the thread that you saw <3)

@BigWords got to it before I remembered to reply, they've named (and shamed?) the thread I was alluding to. You're a better person than me if some of your response to reading it was to try and create something helpful.