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A Simple Question

Techn0logic

Techn0logic

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Mar 30, 2010
I've been a roleplayer for quite a few years, I've experienced my healthy or what some may consider unhealthy dose of fetishes and kinks in roleplaying.

All of these I've experienced, one has always alluded my better judgment. This particular question is this:

Why do a good portion of females always seek to be utterly dominated and/or degraded and humilated in a sensual roleplay, why do they seek to always be the submissive character in a roleplay in one way or another?

Now let's step aside a moment from history or the fact males are usually 'on top' due to sexual positions. All I want to know, is simply why do most females seek to 'lose' in a sense.

Anyone's input is welcome: male, female, shemale, etc.
If male, throw in any information you have.
If female, tell me why you enjoy what is stated in my question, or your opinions on it if you do not enjoy it.

If anything else, well, choose either of the top two.
 
Patriotical society has taught them that a female role is a submissive one. It's also a liberating feeling and that's part of the thrill.

On the other side of the coin that's why most males are majority of the dominant, because society teaches that male role must have power.

I'm short handing it a lot but I'm sure others will chime in with paragraphs of explanations, with details, examples, maybe even a graph or two. But that's all I have to say on the topic at the moment.
 
In general, I'm a submissive. Am I a hardcore submissive? No. But I can play one. I know for me, where I typically fall as far as the concept of dom and sub go (which I honestly think is more realistic, not to mention the most common whether or not people want to believe it), being submissive is just natural. Part of that is due to my personality. I'm quiet and shy, I don't like the spotlight if I can help it, etc etc. Another part has to do with what I think is the fundamental core of what it is to be in a dom/sub relationship (of any level) and that is TRUST. I think trust is the key factor. You trust your dom to take care of you, to love you, to see your needs satisfied, that they won't hurt you, etc etc. And as a submissive, you take pleasure in pleasing your dom. Knowing that by giving to them and letting them take you are making them happy and if doing such things doesn't genuinely make you happy then you are NOT a true submissive. At all.

As for the degrading and humiliating? Honestly, I downright don't like that shit. It's all right in private, if you're given reassurances later. But when it's public or forced? Forget it.... MOOD KILLER BIG TIME! The idea of being 'broken' doesn't do it for me. As a semi-natural sub, I don't need to be 'broken'. I am how I am. I like pleasing my dom, it makes me happy. It turns me on. There are limits on this, of course. BUT... I trust my dom to know and understand them and not cross the line. He does.... done. Because he obviously doesn't get me. But again, that's part of the relationship.

So, in essence, for me it's about the trust that goes back and forth between the people involved. Sure, you can say it's a societal thing or a cultural thing. Whatever. And for some, that might be true. But in this day and age... that's not the way of things for me. I know outside of my relationship, I'm very independent. I don't take shit from anyone. I know I'm smart and capable, etc etc. And even in my relationship I am as well. It's why my dom wants me. He likes that about me. He likes that I can be somewhat aggressive at times. But he also knows that he can turn those tables in an instant and that it'll turn me on if he does, etc.

Anyway, that's my view on it for what it's worth. I wonder if anyone actually read what I typed. >.<
 
This might be a tad skewed for the topic, but there's a theory for why women have rape fantasies that I think could fit for this particular question.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/blogs/hu...asies-and-female-arousal.aspx?obref=obnetwork

Chivers speculates that female sexuality might be split between "physiological" and "subjective" systems. This could explain the rape data:

[T]o understand arousal in the context of unwanted sex, Chivers, like a handful of other sexologists, has arrived at an evolutionary hypothesis that stresses the difference between reflexive sexual readiness and desire. Genital lubrication, she writes in her upcoming paper in Archives of Sexual Behavior, is necessary "to reduce discomfort, and the possibility of injury, during vaginal penetration. ... Ancestral women who did not show an automatic vaginal response to sexual cues may have been more likely to experience injuries during unwanted vaginal penetration that resulted in illness, infertility or even death, and thus would be less likely to have passed on this trait to their offspring." Evolution's legacy, according to this theory, is that women are prone to lubricate, if only protectively, to hints of sex in their surroundings.
Click to expand...

So does reproductive logic, according to Chivers:

[O]ne possibility is that instead of it being a go-out-there-and-get-it kind of sexuality, it's more of a reactive process. If you have this dyad, and one part is pumped full of testosterone, is more interested in risk taking, is probably more aggressive, you've got a very strong motivational force. It wouldn't make sense to have another similar force. You need something complementary.

And here's where it gets icky.

A symbolic scene ran through Meana's talk of female lust: a woman pinned against an alley wall, being ravished. Here, in Meana's vision, was an emblem of female heat. The ravisher is so overcome by a craving focused on this particular woman that he cannot contain himself; he transgresses societal codes in order to seize her, and she, feeling herself to be the unique object of his desire, is electrified by her own reactive charge and surrenders. ... [Meana] spoke about the thrill of being wanted so much that the aggressor is willing to overpower, to take.
Click to expand...

Does this mean women want to be raped? No. Both theories assume the opposite. And that's a pretty safe assumption, given the logical impossibility of willing a violation of your will. The challenge is to explain the data on rape fantasies and arousal from sexual assault, given that nobody literally wants to be raped. What part of rape or the idea of rape is arousing? And what part of the woman is aroused?

The first theory, lubrication, suggests that rape-related arousal is purely physical and reflexive, leaving the will untouched. Your vagina says one thing, your brain says another, and (this is the crucial part for men to understand, morally and legally) your brain is what matters. But that doesn't explain the data on rape fantasies. Fantasies imply brain arousal. And that, in turn, implies that we should be asking not which part of the woman is aroused, but which part of the rape fantasy is arousing.

The second theory, which Meana frankly calls narcissism, posits a clear answer. We generally define rape as sex against the victim's will. But a woman mentally aroused by a sexual assault fantasy isn't thinking about the victim's will. She's thinking about the perpetrator's. She's imagining being wanted. That's what she wants—and the fact that she wants it exposes the fantasy, by definition, as not really rape. The imaginary act arouses her not because the woman in the scenario doesn't want it, but because the man does.
Click to expand...

*shrugs*
 
Most of the time it's just how a female grew up, or how they view things. Sometimes they like being tossed around and throat-fucked.

Whenever I write as a male character, however, I've found that all my partners play a dominant or switch character to pair up with them. Maybe that's just me getting lucky, though.
 
I find it a welcome short escape from a life in which I can't be submissive very often. I have to work to support myself, in a job that is more dominant than is ideal for my personality. But the jobs I'm better suited for don't pay enough for a single person with only one income. I do have a roommate but we are strictly friends, and I lack a relationship with the slight power tilt that satisfies. I always seem to pair off with people who aren't willing to take any initiative and are too accommodating and I don't like that.

Concentrating all those submissive urges into an RP, taking it to some extreme, helps restore balance. I do play as dominant characters sometimes but not very often and only when the power is tilted more heavily towards my character than is plausible in our world. High government officials ruling over an entire planet or a thousand of them. It helps by letting me play someone with so much power that the amount I have to wield in real life feels easier to manage.

So speaking for me, it's not because I've been socialized to be submissive, but because I've been socialized to suppress and deny it. Even an informal fictional RP taking up an hour a week is a helpful release.
 
A simple question? Simple? Really? That's quite an understatement. I do think Shadow_n1n has a point... women have been receiving some pretty mixed messages lately, in a sense that society expects us to be strong and competitive, but still teaches us to be submissive. It probably creates a huge void, and a buttload of insecurity. I think there's also some deviant excitement in the idea of just not being able to subvert the gender roles that we are practically forced to break every single day: it would be so much easier this way, after all. It's no wonder that most female-oriented fiction toys with this idea a lot. Chivalry is not dead, after all, and as reactionary as rape fantasies. Actually, I'd dare to say it's worse, since it's more subtle, and a huge portion of women do think it's a good, applicable thing in real life.

Now, why some women, like me, enjoy to play dominant roles would be an interesting discussion too. Two sides of the same coin, perhaps?
 
I think women being overly submissive is just retarded and need to get a brain and think for themselves because in roleplays- they are submissive in EVERYTHING. It's annoying.

I am a switch- I have a taste for both submissive and dominant. Depends on my mood and who I'm interacting with. But with roleplays, I find that more and more of my characters are dominant more often than not- especially my male characters. My female characters don't take shit lying down and fight for dominance if they have to do so. They don't "give up" their dominance- but rather share it with the partner in question to show they are on equal footing.

I personally think women lose when they just lie down and let the "guy" (or whatever) take whatever they want and do whatever they want and do nothing about it. To me, that's not liberating or even thrilling. That, to me, sounds more like having an indecisive person say, "fuck it" and let someone else take charge because they don't feel like it. I know very, very, very few women with actual rape fantasies. Sooooo, no idea on that one. Why would you want that? But I guess it's all in what your mind desires.

But.

BUT.

Sometimes submissive can be sexy. Sometimes it is just who you are. Not a lot of guys I have met have actually been dominant. They appear confident and seem dominant, but actually aren't when it comes to the bedroom and roleplaying and I've found a lot of guys like it in and out of roleplays when women take charge.

So it's a double-edged sword in some cases.

But, I'd rather have a switch as a partner cause then I can have the best of both worlds instead of being trapped in just one.

Oh, btws. Since I missed some of your question:

Humiliation and being "utterly dominated" is stupid. But that's me. I know some people who are very into having their dicks made fun of or being told they're worthless and get off on that stuff. I can't. I was bullied for a decade and can't stand how obnoxious people can be with bullying and humiliation. It brings out my aggression and does nothing else.

Allowing someone to be utterly dominated either means a) you don't want any form of control because of issues, problems, needs, etc or b) you can trust that person enough to meet all of your needs without having to ask or think about it. Which is also a control thing.

And as I've noticed on here- more and more guys are seeking dominant females. And because of so many submissive people, it's hard to find one.
 
Look, I once rped with a very very very submissive "female". "She" was doing nothing during rp, and obeying my character's every wish. And it felt like I'm doing the whole job alone(especially because that person was not capable of posting anything longer then one-liners).
But guess what! Some time later I found out a very solid proof that "she" is in fact "he". Imagine my reaction!
Now, I don't have anything against males rping female characters. I really don't. I did it myself once or twice. But there are people, many people, who are capable of pretending that they are in RL who they are not(mostly males pretending to be females). I met such people here too(I won't name them though).
I don't know what the reason for such behavior might be. If someone has a female character in mind he wasn't to test, then he can do it without pretending to be female in RL. But it's not that. It's something more. It's some kind of deep perversion deep inside these people....

ANYWAY!! My point is that many females might not be females at all but instead perverted males in disguise. Ende.
 
I've roleplayed as men. I enjoy it because it's a different challenge in and of itself. I can roleplay well enough to have people ask if I actually am a man. But I'm not- I got boobs and am proud of them!

But some guys probably see it the way I do. But sometimes they like to mess with people and say they have cooches when they don't.

I've messed with many-a-newbie when it comes to my gender but I never keep it up for too long.
 
Shadow_n1n said:
i wonder when people are going to post some graphs
Click to expand...

How does a graph even address the topic, though? The OP is asking "why" not "how many" and also asking for the personal opinion of people here on this forum, specifically.
 
There's something really satisfying about a male humiliating and degrading me. Calling me degrading names, etc.

It makes me feel very excited like I'm going to drop on a roller coaster.

It gives me a sense of affection, only some one really, really attracted to you is going to do such intimate and deviant things.

I carry a very strong front, and I have a domineering personality. Something about giving in and letting myself be used, dominated. Almost relaxing, like I don't have to fight anymore.

Even now just discussing it has my heart pounding.

I love giving into and accepting my place, telling my master/dominator that I'm a slut, or that I belong to them, or that I want them to continue to do embarrassing things to me for MY pleasure (not just his) giving into it..it's like the plummet.

But, I also love dominating men and women. :3 As a woman or even as a man.
 
Mr Master said:
But... but... but... graphs are science-sexy!

Who doesn't like graphs?
Click to expand...

Well, alright. You got me there.

graph1.png
 
In life, I'm a normal guy. I'm a supportive, caring lover, and I believe both/all parties involved have equal rights to their satisfaction. However, I am fascinated by the interplay of how different people's satisfaction comes from different power/control levels during the experience.

I self-identify as dominant, because when I imagine the dynamic, the satisfying images I summon, the ones that arouse me and make me want to explore, they're the femsub images. Women in bondage of various sorts, varying levels of submission or levels of being overpowered (similar but different in flavor), all that stuff is fascinating.

I am male, so playing the male is natural to me. Years ago, when I was prowling the sex chat boards and such, I would cross-dress as a submissive female (convincingly enough I never got identified), not because I necessarily want to be female (though any guy has wondered what that would be like), but because the imagery that I was looking for was femsub. I did domme "other" women a time or two, and that was fun, too.

I'm not offended by malesub, but it doesn't arouse me. I've played that role, as well, but it was going through the motions; I enjoyed pleasing my Domme, but I got no satisfaction out of the submission itself. The imagery didn't work for me. There's no draw to it for me, but I'm glad there is for others; it takes all kinds to run a world, and that extends to kink, as well.

Just my perspective, since that was asked for.
 
I want to thank you all for your input. The idea of it being a simple question was more or less based off just how you feel. No research into the matter was necessary, but very appreciative none the less.

I'm actually surprised I got some replies on this, never really do get many replies to my threads. Anyhow, like I said I appreciate the input.

And yes, I was merely asking the opinion of the users on BM. Since a good portion are sexual deviants, I believed I would receive good answers, and that I did.
 
Mr Master said:
Techn0logic said:
Since a good portion are sexual deviants...
Click to expand...

Oh, my. That doesn't sound entirely positive from the way you're using it.
Click to expand...
What? It's true, hell I'm a sexual deviant. Have you seen some of the F-lists on here? Maybe a smaller portion then, but it in my stupid way, if you're going to fish, ask fishermen, basically.
 
Perhaps it's more the idea that deviation is in the comparison to the surrounding community. Deviance is in the eye of the beholder, that is. This group, this collection of people, doesn't' find very much that's "deviant," per se. I suppose I'd gotten used to this idea in this group enough to the point where someone bandies the word "deviant" around, I feel mildly affronted.
 
Mr Master said:
Perhaps it's more the idea that deviation is in the comparison to the surrounding community. Deviance is in the eye of the beholder, that is. This group, this collection of people, doesn't' find very much that's "deviant," per se. I suppose I'd gotten used to this idea in this group enough to the point where someone bandies the word "deviant" around, I feel mildly affronted.
Click to expand...
Well I apologize if I offended you, our opinions of deviancy obviously differ.
 
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