The 𝓢𝓲𝓷𝓼 of a 𝓢𝓾𝓬𝓬𝓾𝓫𝓾𝓼 — An Apology and Journal

[Diamond Succubus]

A lot has happened in the past month in my personal life and I'm so overwhelmed by sadness, grief, and anger at others, but I’m even more so upset with myself.

Logging on here has been difficult.

My thoughts are so, so loud today and the more I log onto this site the more I realize I've been an incredibly poor partner to those I've had the privilege of writing with. Part of it is school and the way it drains me, but another part is the fact I need to work on communication and just being honest.

So, I need to apologize:

I'm so sorry to past partners whom I have ghosted and hurt because I don't know how to communicate. I'm sorry to those who have left for whatever reason and hope I did not drive you away. I'm sorry to those I burned bridges with because I didn't know how to set proper boundaries.

I love to write and in all honesty reading and writing keep me going, but I feel physically ill lately upon seeing old ghosts and not know what happened to make them go silent. At the same time, I cannot complain or play victim as I have done the same. I won’t lie when I say it keeps me up at night at times, which seems like karma doing her best work.

I don't know if I'll disappear. I want to in more ways than one as of late, but that's something meant for speaking on in the proper setting

This is a start — putting these words out there, out of my head.

We'll go from here.

xoxo,
Dia