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Chapman
Super-Earth
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2019
- Location
- Ye olde Europe
I've been fighting with myself not to write this. What's the point? It won't accomplish anything except perhaps getting me into trouble with the moderator staff. It is a wasted effort and yet I can't help myself and have to do this. Guess I'm stubborn and, in the end, it isn't such a big deal. I will try to keep this civil but if someone gets offended, well, I'll get to it.
So, me getting ghosted. Repeatedly. Time and again. I cannot do the exact math because I've deleted most of my messages a while ago but if I were to guess, I would say that something around eight out of ten of my role plays end prematurely due to me being ghosted. The other two out of ten are all the various reasons that you are familiar with; me or my writing partner losing interest or being too busy, getting burned out, an occasional argument etc. I do not think I've ever actually finished a story, which is a shame, I do not like loose ends, but a few times me and my partner have gotten far enough that I can honestly say that we've written some good smut. That, unfortunately, is a rarity. Most of the time it is the same old story that most if not all of you know: I find a person or a person finds me, we talk a bit about one another and our wants, we either plan out the story or just jump into it and then blam, out of blue the other person disappears. I wait a few days, ask them what's up, wait another few days and either just let it go or leave with some snide remark about ghosts.
Nothing new to you, except that it happens to me all the goddamn time. Again and again and again. No matter whom do I write with, no matter whether I asked them or they found me, if they are good at this or not, in the end it almost always happens. Usually sooner than later, which is a blessing, but still late enough that I've already put an effort into talking over the story, setting up the characters and all of that. I have put in effort only for all of it to "fly away with smoke" as we say in my country, just because someone decided it is alright to leave me hanging. One person, then another, and another, and another... I do not want to exaggerate but I would not be surprised if, over my time on Blue Moon, I've been ghosted a hundred times or more.
"So what?", you may ask. "This is the reality of things. Deal with it".
No.
I refuse to "deal" with people being irresponsible, antisocial bastards. I refuse to "deal" with more and more of my will and energy to write smut being sapped by people who do not high enough of me to even give me an excuse. And even when they do excuse themselves, these excuses are so paper thin and repeatable, I know all of them by heart. But lets stick to cases of actual ghosting and not people putting a thin veil over losing interest and not wanting to admit it, that is a different can of worms.
"If you are ghosted so often then perhaps you are the problem".
I like to think that I am an honest person, honest to others as well to myself. I've done my best to analyze my behaviour on Blue Moon and came to the conclusion that no, I am most likely not the problem. Depending on how I feel and how my potential partner behaves I am be friendly or reserved but cordial. I always let my writing partners know what is going on with me, never keep anyone in the dark about whether or not our role play will continue. I can be mean, yes, but only after being given a sufficient reason, which nine times out of ten is being ghosted so even my occasional misbehaviour is not only justified but done after the fact. If the way I act is the reason for being ghosted so often then I truly and honestly do not know what exactly the issue is. As for the quality of my writing, I can not remember the last time anyone complained nor tried to improve it - although, of course, people rarely say such things - and have been praised a number of times, plus, I myself feel that I write pretty well.
"There is nothing in the rules against ghosting". You are right, as far as I am aware, there isn't. It is your "right" to just drop me without a word. The moderator staff will do nothing to you, nor will anyone else even know about it because any public comment on it will get deleted - probably rightfully so, as it would be too easy to smear people's reputation otherwise.
Doesn't mean it's alright and that you should do it as you please.
Have you heard of the "shopping cart test"? It is a test of social responsibility. You can read about it here if you like, it is interesting. To put it short, at most supermarkets you are under no obligation to bring the shopping cart back after you put the stuff from it into your car. You can leave it wherever and you will not be punished nor held responsible for it. On the other hand, you will not gain any benefit for returning the cart. The only reason you do it is because you uphold the social values that returning the cart represents; because you care about the convenience and mental well-being of others who will not trip over the cart or have to walk to get it; because it is the right thing to do.
I believe that choosing whether or not to ghost is a form of role-playing forum's shopping cart test, and most of you fail it. You do not care about the person (in this case, mine) that you are writing with: you do not care about the work they put into writing with you, nor about their feelings. You act out of selfish convenience, avoiding the slightest bit of responsibility that good manners and simply living among people require for a healthy society.
It is tiresome and hurting and sickening. It turns me off the Blue Moon so much that not long ago I've quit the site for what was, if I remember correctly, four months. I have returned a few months ago and already I have been ghosted so many times that I cannot help myself but have to vent. There was a point when I've considered donating to Blue Moon; it seemed only fair, considering how much time I've spent here, using this site for my own pleasure at the expense of whoever is keeping it afloat. But then I have realized that majority of my time spent here was not spent on actual fun; most of it was busywork and a little bit of role play, swiftly ended by someone's inability to function as a healthy online citizen. If I were to donate, I would pay for more misery than enjoyment.
Can something be done about this? I do not know. I am not smart enough to come up with a solution. I know that the moderator staff will do nothing about ghosting and, as much as it pains me to say this, I understand why; it would be a lot of dirty, ungrateful work that would be the cause of much drama, and I am also sure that more than one person would end up being unfairly punished. I have had some encounters with Blue Moon's moderator staff and, frankly, I do not like the behaviour of some of you, but I would not try to demand from you that you fix people's behaviour by attempting to force a "no ghosting" policy. This is a social issue that only some general changes in people's online behaviour might fix.
Have I offended anyone? Do you feel like your behaviour has been called out?
Good. Be offended, for you deserve it. Your actions may not be punished, but if I have managed to make you feel bad about yourself then at least a little bit of justice has been done.
If anyone will feel like discussing this topic, go ahead, but I cannot promise I will participate in the discussion. I have been role playing, getting ghosted and thinking about it for enough years that I am quite certain about my point of view and am not interested in contesting it.
mic drop
So, me getting ghosted. Repeatedly. Time and again. I cannot do the exact math because I've deleted most of my messages a while ago but if I were to guess, I would say that something around eight out of ten of my role plays end prematurely due to me being ghosted. The other two out of ten are all the various reasons that you are familiar with; me or my writing partner losing interest or being too busy, getting burned out, an occasional argument etc. I do not think I've ever actually finished a story, which is a shame, I do not like loose ends, but a few times me and my partner have gotten far enough that I can honestly say that we've written some good smut. That, unfortunately, is a rarity. Most of the time it is the same old story that most if not all of you know: I find a person or a person finds me, we talk a bit about one another and our wants, we either plan out the story or just jump into it and then blam, out of blue the other person disappears. I wait a few days, ask them what's up, wait another few days and either just let it go or leave with some snide remark about ghosts.
Nothing new to you, except that it happens to me all the goddamn time. Again and again and again. No matter whom do I write with, no matter whether I asked them or they found me, if they are good at this or not, in the end it almost always happens. Usually sooner than later, which is a blessing, but still late enough that I've already put an effort into talking over the story, setting up the characters and all of that. I have put in effort only for all of it to "fly away with smoke" as we say in my country, just because someone decided it is alright to leave me hanging. One person, then another, and another, and another... I do not want to exaggerate but I would not be surprised if, over my time on Blue Moon, I've been ghosted a hundred times or more.
"So what?", you may ask. "This is the reality of things. Deal with it".
No.
I refuse to "deal" with people being irresponsible, antisocial bastards. I refuse to "deal" with more and more of my will and energy to write smut being sapped by people who do not high enough of me to even give me an excuse. And even when they do excuse themselves, these excuses are so paper thin and repeatable, I know all of them by heart. But lets stick to cases of actual ghosting and not people putting a thin veil over losing interest and not wanting to admit it, that is a different can of worms.
"If you are ghosted so often then perhaps you are the problem".
I like to think that I am an honest person, honest to others as well to myself. I've done my best to analyze my behaviour on Blue Moon and came to the conclusion that no, I am most likely not the problem. Depending on how I feel and how my potential partner behaves I am be friendly or reserved but cordial. I always let my writing partners know what is going on with me, never keep anyone in the dark about whether or not our role play will continue. I can be mean, yes, but only after being given a sufficient reason, which nine times out of ten is being ghosted so even my occasional misbehaviour is not only justified but done after the fact. If the way I act is the reason for being ghosted so often then I truly and honestly do not know what exactly the issue is. As for the quality of my writing, I can not remember the last time anyone complained nor tried to improve it - although, of course, people rarely say such things - and have been praised a number of times, plus, I myself feel that I write pretty well.
"There is nothing in the rules against ghosting". You are right, as far as I am aware, there isn't. It is your "right" to just drop me without a word. The moderator staff will do nothing to you, nor will anyone else even know about it because any public comment on it will get deleted - probably rightfully so, as it would be too easy to smear people's reputation otherwise.
Doesn't mean it's alright and that you should do it as you please.
Have you heard of the "shopping cart test"? It is a test of social responsibility. You can read about it here if you like, it is interesting. To put it short, at most supermarkets you are under no obligation to bring the shopping cart back after you put the stuff from it into your car. You can leave it wherever and you will not be punished nor held responsible for it. On the other hand, you will not gain any benefit for returning the cart. The only reason you do it is because you uphold the social values that returning the cart represents; because you care about the convenience and mental well-being of others who will not trip over the cart or have to walk to get it; because it is the right thing to do.
I believe that choosing whether or not to ghost is a form of role-playing forum's shopping cart test, and most of you fail it. You do not care about the person (in this case, mine) that you are writing with: you do not care about the work they put into writing with you, nor about their feelings. You act out of selfish convenience, avoiding the slightest bit of responsibility that good manners and simply living among people require for a healthy society.
It is tiresome and hurting and sickening. It turns me off the Blue Moon so much that not long ago I've quit the site for what was, if I remember correctly, four months. I have returned a few months ago and already I have been ghosted so many times that I cannot help myself but have to vent. There was a point when I've considered donating to Blue Moon; it seemed only fair, considering how much time I've spent here, using this site for my own pleasure at the expense of whoever is keeping it afloat. But then I have realized that majority of my time spent here was not spent on actual fun; most of it was busywork and a little bit of role play, swiftly ended by someone's inability to function as a healthy online citizen. If I were to donate, I would pay for more misery than enjoyment.
Can something be done about this? I do not know. I am not smart enough to come up with a solution. I know that the moderator staff will do nothing about ghosting and, as much as it pains me to say this, I understand why; it would be a lot of dirty, ungrateful work that would be the cause of much drama, and I am also sure that more than one person would end up being unfairly punished. I have had some encounters with Blue Moon's moderator staff and, frankly, I do not like the behaviour of some of you, but I would not try to demand from you that you fix people's behaviour by attempting to force a "no ghosting" policy. This is a social issue that only some general changes in people's online behaviour might fix.
Have I offended anyone? Do you feel like your behaviour has been called out?
Good. Be offended, for you deserve it. Your actions may not be punished, but if I have managed to make you feel bad about yourself then at least a little bit of justice has been done.
If anyone will feel like discussing this topic, go ahead, but I cannot promise I will participate in the discussion. I have been role playing, getting ghosted and thinking about it for enough years that I am quite certain about my point of view and am not interested in contesting it.
mic drop
