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Khiruji
comfort the disturbed & disturb the comfortable
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2024
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The name I go by here is Khiruji. You can call me Khiruji, Khiru or whatever you think fits best. I'm 25 years old, female and the pronouns are she/her. I live in the Central European Timezone (CET). I am a hopefully-soon-to-be professional illustrator with being currently in the process to change my artstyle to a more goth-ish style. Before you ask me to start an RP with you, I wanna tell you that english is not my native language. In the last 11 years that I have been writing RPs, I was more or less active in the german rp community, but since the german community is pretty much dead at this point (especially in my niche interests), I want to give the english rp community a fair chance. Now, my english is definitly not on the level of a grade schooler, but also not on the level of a professional who speaks english all the time in his everyday life and neither was I born in England or the States. And I don't know how to spell some (some, not all) words correctly either, but I will do my best to write high quality postings just like I did in the german rp community. If that is still a hard no-go for you, please refrain from contacting me. Roleplay is something I've been pursuing for quite a decade now. I've certainly been involved in almost every genre. There I got stuck with horror and romance. I'm have a burning passion for passionate, dramatic and long lasting romance stories, but make it 1000% darker. What do you get? Thats right! Dark Romance. It is not hell if you like the way it burns. -
✮ Don't just dump me out of nowhere. I'm not into ghosting. In an roleplay with me, its not just you and me. Its us. If you stumble upon a problem in our rp, there's something you're not comfortable with, please let me know. Talk with me so that we can both work something out together. Any problem can be solved with enough communication so that in the end, we can both have a nice, exciting rp.
✮ English is not my native language, but my second language. I can't be perfect and grammatically correct all the time.
✮ My postings have a length from 500 - 1000 words in one post. If you find an grammatical issue in them, please tell me so I can correct them. Oh Yeah! And I like to write in third person. You should also do that please and thank you!
✮ I respect your real life. Your real life should always come first. However, I do not respect being left hanging for months. I expect the minimum of communication. We don't have to become friends, but communication is key.
✮ 80% Story & 20% Smut. My storys are plot-based, not porn. Sometimes - depends on the story - the characters are constantly, permanently in survival situations and in situations where its all about survival you usually don't think about how you're gonna put your dick inside a female characters vagina or what kinks you haven't explored.
✮ Pairing are only formed when they are of age, even if they have met in the past. However, this does not mean that they were already together.
✮ Preferred genres? Honestly: creepy, weird sh*t most of the time (but I'm also looking for some cheesy romance ideas sometimes) Psychopaths, Serialkiller, Stalker... Creeps. I love villains and I live for that kind of storys. Especially in a good mix with romance. Even weirdos need a little bit of love and I would love to give them exactly that. Angst, pain and unhappy endings are loved here! I'm not necessarily looking for the happy-ever-after ending. Just unrealistic with that type of characters tbh.
✮ I enjoy very deep romantic feelings. I am always looking for the real thing between our characters. I want to see characters who experience deep emotions and thoughts, with sexual intercourse being just the cherry on top. I want to reflect on what genuinely and earnestly holds these characters together, repeatedly bringing them together and binding them to one another. Especially in Dark Romance settings where morally gray characters interact with each other and have many vices and are not exactly on their Hawaiian honeymoon, this is very important. And every now and then there are a few anime fandoms that I've been craving for a while.
✮ I am very violence-friendly. You don't want Michael Myers just shaking his ass instead of his knife, right? It always depends on the character. Generally, my violence level is very high. Additionally, I am interested in taking the killer seriously and respecting them if I am looking for a slasher romance, in order to make my character feel the true threat that comes from a cold-blooded, impulsive killer who constantly poses a real danger and anything said or done in their presence has far-reaching consequences or leads to a rather quick demise for the person involved. Not so much interested in gore, atleast not performing on my character.
✮ I am also kink-friendly. But like I said, It always depends on the character what he/her might like. I just don't want to assign kinks to some specific character, where it doesn't even fit to him/her. We can talk about that in pms. But I don't respect kink-shaming. I am almost open for all kinks, as long as it fits to the character. I don't judge, communicate with me if you think: "Hey look man, now THAT could be totally his/her thing." Vore, Loli, Vomit and every stuff which goes straight to the toilet is a hard no-go. Wether or not that fits to this character, I'm not comfortable with this in general. If thats your thing, I don't judge you, but please keep that away from our rps. You're free to do that all in private or with your rp partner, who also wants to participate in that. Thats cool, do that my guy/gal. But its not mine.
✮ I enjoy making detailed and lenghty character descriptions. I prefer using quotes from songs etc. You might wanna get ready, jump in your tough-men-pants, roll up your sleeves, because you gonna listen to some metal & goth rock.
✮ Making tha serialkiller and using a picture of a flawless beauty king? Not with me please. I enjoy the aesthetic of the dark, the bad & the ugly (Unless its a character from an anime) There's nothing I hate more than permanently perfect characters who look like they came straight out of a fashion magazine. I like my serialkillers (and my Jeff the Killer) to be ugly and gross, like I said, unless its a character from an anime. The look simply has to fit, both with the character and the story.
✮ I only write rps with straight characters and I am not interested into double, triple or anything else. Just interested in only writing the female character. Haven't done that in a long time, kinda fed up with only writing male characters. I also don't do Yaoi and (sometimes, unless I have a crush on that character) GL. This doesn't mean I have a problem with anyone who is LGBTQ+. -
For years, I've been looking for a partner who is still in the creepypasta fandom and finally - just like me - wants to say goodbye to the dull, always good-looking emo boys who, strangely enough, all have the same hairstyle, and venture into somewhat more dangerous realms. Here you finally get to portray the character as what he is and don't have to be afraid that one day you'll get a message like: "Can't you write him nicer?". Here you can finally write a real serial killer, like the ones you usually only see in movies or books, without having to compromise and without pushing the wanted character out of his role as a weird serial killer into the role of a soft-spoken sunny boy. I know what people expect to see, when they click on an RP where the user is looking for Jeff the Killer. Its different here. I'm looking for Jeff the Killer who has feelings for my character in a very special weird & wacky way. Feelings that are shown to the extent that for him, "peeling off her skin and wearing it, so I can be her.", and stalking is his way of romance and showing his feelings. He is insane in a different way and has found that way of romance in my character, who immediately becomes attached to him and has developed an extremely strong obsession. She adores him and desires him. And she would walk into the fire and die for him anytime. Even gladly by his own hand. All fine with me and playable, as long as she doesn't bite the dust before the end of the RP, because you thought that now is the perfect moment in a BDSM scene because she is just losing blood or getting wounds inflicted here and there. Don't do that. After all, it's just an RP and not reality. I mean, in reality you also don't just put your cigarettes out on the other person's forearm.
This audiodrama by The Morgue Files serves as an inspiration for this particular character.
An audiodrama in which the same character is realized in the light of an adult storyline with more thought and attention to detail. Jeff is not exactly the friendly neighbor in this storyline either. No, he's relatively rude, anti-social, and often violent. But it was nothing to stop my character from building a friendship with him. She likes him anyway. But maybe that's partly because she's just as weird as he is, and they share that character trait that brought them together in the first place. Things that you find cringe in the audiodrama (like this one thing with his brother, which I personally find cringe and would like to leave out) can be addressed and left out.
"Dark Romance? Never heard of that genre"
↳ Normal romances usually feature a couple in love on the book cover - petals circling the protagonists while the woman's white dress sways elegantly in the ocean breeze. The man, of course, is a 10/10 - muscular, sharp features, good clothing style, and money. The covers for dark romances look quite different in comparison. Mostly gloomy, kept mainly in shades of gray, with a little splash of color in between. The characters aren't exactly on their Hawaiian honeymoon, but mostly catch the camera's eye with a melancholy smile that foreshadows: Happy endings are rare here. The protagonists in dark romances are usually multi-layered and complex, with many vices. Instead of the plot revolving around a job change, the perfect wedding, vacation, or the house they share, where the absolute nightmare scenario would be an affair, or the sister wearing the same dress to the family dinner, a dark romance deals with darker themes. Morally gray characters, kidnappings, dubcon, drugs, crime, BDSM, unhealthy relationships, death, pain, psychopaths, "villains," mental problems, taboos, love-hate relationships, Enemies to Lovers, bounty hunters, and much more, can be part of a dark romance - although such things would never be addressed in a normal romance.
-> Often you see a contrast between the two protagonists. One who is about to lose his humanity and the other one who is the last ray of light keeping him from doing so.
-> While normal romances are sometimes about the woman (usually) "taming" the aloof man and leading him into the light, you often see the opposite in dark romances. Here a character is drawn to the dark side instead of being saved (e.g. a human becomes a vampire).
-> In a dark romance you are confronted with unpleasant themes, while a normal romance describes the world with rose-colored glasses and can serve as an escape.
In short, a dark romance describes a story that deals with the love and relationship between two characters, not shying away from dark themes that might be "triggers" for some people.
"How exactly is this romance supposed to work? I still don't understand how this should work?"
↳ First and foremost, I would find it quite fantastic if Jeff didn't immediately kill my character at the first reunion after years. He may be after her, because she finally tracked his current location in her city after weeks of searching, and chase her through the abandoned building, but should he be able to actually get her and tackle her, he should be able to recognize her. After all, he once had, or still has, feelings for her. And she also hs feelings for him. Feelings are feelings. Serial killers have them too, even if they show up in a completely different way than a normal and completely sane person, of course. Jeff is anything but sane and was born with this dark side and strange cravings in him, even though they only show themselves in his adolescence. He has always been someone prone to violence. He can't show his feelings like a completely sane person. He shows them in a bit more fucked up way. See the example with the skin peeling and the stalking. Nevertheless, he has feelings for her, even if he is a monster and does not show them to the outside world. He would never confess his feelings to her. But the fact that he stands under her window one night after years, throws stones at the window and asks her if she wants to go with him, because he is in love with her and she immediately goes with him, is evidence of his feelings for her. The fact that he later in the course of the story still wants to force her to go home, because he knows very well he is the greatest danger in her presence, when he gets triggered or out of control, also testifies his feelings for her. Even if he expresses them in a different way and is anything but nice and friendly with her, and gets mad at her sometimes, he just knows what he is. Long speech, extremely short sense: She would also prefer to lead a real relationship with him, where both live together, but she accepts him for what he is and also wants to accompany him on his way.
"I'm not going to make him nice"
↳ To be honest, I don't quite know what I should reply to this. From my thread it's more than clear that I'm not looking for a soft-spoken version of Jeff, who constantly whines about himself and his brother's death and can't get anything done. Has a knife in his hand, but can't do much with it. What exactly about Jeff should be interpreted as a willingness to be nice? Because his chelsea smile makes it look that way? Why do we still need to talk about this topic when it's all settled in the first place? Of course he doesn't run around emotionless and monotonous, until something triggers him and he unleashes his inner beast, whereupon he chops everything down like a crazy butcher and then falls back into his secondary character stiffness and always just switches between these two states. Or if the motherfucker actually allows real charisma and relatively "normal" behavior and even readable emotions, which in my opinion makes him much more tangible - and thus somehow more threatening in the intensity of his boiling rage. After all, he is someone who doesn't know how to deal with negative aspects of other people's behavior, but on the other hand is able to differentiate who wants to do him good, respects him and who is basically just shitting on him (see: bullys, dad and the flat-earthers who attacked him) Someone like Jeff is a man of all trades and I want to take him seriously as a cold-blooded, impulsive killer, to make my character feel that he's a constant threat, and anything you say/do in his presence will have far-reaching consequences or a pretty short trial. And soft versions in which he constantly whines about himself and his life don't exactly help. There are always points that you will find with Jeff - because it wouldn't be Jeff if he felt understood and integrated - but there is a big difference if it's just teenie-weenie whining and that teenie just wants to be unique because his classmates and parents and everything and everyone is stupid, or if it's really HATE that drives him to make it hard for his family psychologically and physically and to threaten and beat up his classmates. In my eyes, Jeff is anything but a victim. It's not uncommon for him to be a perpetrator who does things to others simply because he enjoys it and it satisfies his insane cravings before crossing the line to become a killer.
"You have a pretty accurate idea of him that I don't want to live up to. Because that takes the fun out of the RP for me."
↳ Thats right, I have a lot of requirements and a very precise idea of Jeff the Killer. Now if I wanted a character where there was a very firm original material, that would be one thing for now. But Jeff is also an "idea" that 1. has evolved along with the spirit of the times and 2. has grown up with the age of the various creators who have put all their love and effort into their own idea of him. And just like those people, I too have an idea of Jeff in which I hope that idea matches the idea of my potential partner. And that's where you have to be specific and explain what you envision. Besides, this isn't a flash in the pan, something for in-between or one of the thousands of RPs that I'm sure everyone once has seen. This is a well thought out idea which has a lot of tears and heart and soul put into it. It's a well thought out piece. This is my personal baby and I'm certainly not going to give it up for someone who tramples on it and can't put as much passion and soul into Jeff as I do. It's okay to set your standards higher, after all, I offer a lot to my potential killers as well.
"I hate OCs"
↳ Nice that you directly opened the drawer with the prejudices, and now present me a whole lot of them. No, it's not just about my character. She's not the main character, because almost everything here is about our dear Jeff (even though Lorelai was always more obsessed than him, of course). Because he's the serial killer here, not Lorelai. Both are two crazy individuals, but Jeff is the active part. Lorelai is his companion and she will remain so until the end of the RP. She will never pick up a knife in the RP, unless it is to cut something small or something else like that. Lorelai is a supporting character, someone he can lean on, someone who takes care of him. Not an annoying accessory that he can't seem to get rid of. She plays her part in his story, but he also plays a big part in hers. It's a give and take like it should be in an RP. Parts that complement each other and experience a plot together and not just one sets the tone and the other one has to follow. Even if he is the dominant part here and sets the tone personality wise (because especially in the beginning he is much more ahead of her and has much more experience in survival). But the plot is experienced by both of them.
"Smells like Stockholm Syndrome."
↳ First of all, she is not his victim that he keeps in captivity; she is his companion, first Love and best friend. She was already in love with him before he even became a murderer. She is with him willingly even though her parents misunderstand and think Jeff kidnapped her. Because parents, of course, don't want their child to be with a crazy murderer, let alone want their child to go with him at all. They also didn't want her to be friends with him, because the behavior of a teenager with strange desires naturally makes its rounds in the school and neighborhood. But Lorelai really loves him. She doesn't imagine anything and she doesn't see him as a 'poor misunderstood victim'. She likes what she sees and that what she shes, is beautiful for her. The end. From this you can already imagine in which direction the personality of my character tends.
"But he's a serial killer. At his side, she's going to die right away, isn't she?"
↳ Believe it or not, she knows that. She knows the danger she's putting herself in. But for years, all she's wanted was to be by his side. Ever since she left her old home and Jeff, she hasn't been the same. It's like a part of herself has been ripped away from her. The fact he is the greatest danger to her when she is around him is a matter she gladly accepts. Also his, for normal people, weird behavior, is something she gladly accepts. She just accepts him as he is, because what he is, is exactly what she fell in love with. She wants to accompany and support him on his way, even if she is only his companion and can't do much, except to take care of his wounds and to initiate sporadic care measures. Both of them have an irrepressible hatred for the world, and that is something that brought them both together in the end, and despite not seeing each other for years, also keeps them together. Also, it would be great if she just did NOT die right at the beginning. That's something to talk about at the very end of the RP.
"But what if he does kill her?"
↳ I didn't think I'd have to explain that: It's an RP and thus not reality! Of course he doesn't beat her 24/7. Violence can also be threats, slaps, choking, etc. and not always beating. If the time to die isn't right for your character, then it does not happen. If you don't want something to get infected, it won't happen either. No matter how deep the wounds are. There you disinfect the wound, put a patch on it or (notice: it depends on where they are. In a house they are more likely to find disinfectant and bandages than in the forest. We have to time it) wrap some bandages around the wound. After all, he's not supposed to cut her head off. We're talking superficial or deep wounds inflicted with a knife or other sharp object. We're talking about choking and slapping and other things we can think of. We're also talking about things like knifeplay and bloodplay, but you have to be familiar with that. Which brings us to the next point...
"BDSM"
↳ First of all, the relationship between Jeff and my character will lean towards tougher scenes based on practices from the BDSM scene. Leaning because she and Jeff are still a fictional couple. No real person gets hurt here. It's all fictional. Freedom of art. Horror. The exact discussion and negotiation of boundaries, as one would do with a partner in real life, will therefore not have to take place. Instead, it quickly gets to the point: my character as a devout counterpart to Jeff's dominant nature. Both enjoy playing their part. She, who, as a pure masochist, demands the pain, and Jeff, who, thanks to her dedication, no longer has to hold back. Communication is, of course, important. But it works with the two of them above all with eye contact, with movements and trusting each other: Because even if the play is supposed to get bloody, and even if my character is not sure whether he will cut her throat after all, she shouldn't die. At least not until the end of the RP. Whether or not Jeff takes her life in the end is debatable. Don't forget, Jeff is and will remain a psychopath. He's not asking. He doesn't have safe words. He's just doing it. He punishes Lorelai if she leans too far out of the window and remains an unpredictable parameter as a psychopath. And it is precisely these parameters that should be left entirely to your creativity. What's Jeff doing with her? Is it just a slap in the face, or are you going to tie your hands behind your backs for the whole night? How she's supposed to drink out of the glass is her problem. How you write it is up to you. Does his heart start pounding when blood is flowing, or does he enjoy the control he can exercise over my character, even in less extreme things?
Sadism and dominance can take different forms and do not always mean moving between blunt extremes. To find out what you might like as a partner or Jeff as a character, ask yourself: How does Jeff want to feel? What is Jeff trying to do at that moment? Is he trying to punish my character so she'll behaves better in the future? Does he just want to be able to use her for anything he likes, when and how he wants? Is it about the rush and the heartbeat, her looks, the power fantasy that she would follow his every order? Does he want to own her, like a piece of property? Or he just wants to watch her wriggle in pain? In a broader sense, of course, the question arises: What does Jeff have to choose from? A knife, of course. His hands. With a bit of clothing, he can also create loose tie tools, or cope with a few knots a ballgag. This is all about creativity – if you are alone, with almost nothing in the woods, you just have to use a tree or the heat of the campfire. You should not be limited by that or of resorting to tougher means to train her. Because that's what these scenes are all about. Its about control. And Jeff doesn't ask his object of desire how she would like it. He's not holding back. He takes what gives him the best chance of exerting control to maintain the upper hand. And it doesn't all have to end up physically. But if she kneels helplessly in front of him and is not even allowed to look him in the eye, then there is a psychological level that really gives a scene the spice. So remember that physical pain and psychological thrills can and should go hand in hand.
"A writing example? As if you can tell the quality of my posts by that"
↳ Yes, I can. As mentioned before; this is a matter of the heart and I will sort out the people who can write long posts but can't provide quality and still want to see and write this character as a little emo teen crush. I have quite a few experiences with Jeff the Killer, wrote him myself a lot (by the way, with compliments from my co-writers) and immediately realize who can really get into this character and who doesn't mind writing him as violent and crazy as he is. I don't care about your writing style, I want to see how you write Jeff and if you can write him in a way that makes it seem halfway believable. As an example: Jeff would never say "I love you".
"Oh no, I'm really sorry, something came up/my dog nibbled on my charging cable. "
↳ I have nothing against waiting a little longer. I am trying to make compromises, and that is what I should be doing, and not whitewashing red flags. Not with bending the rules again and again, when you're ignored and no input comes. Because at that moment I have less than a partner: A partner, which prevents me from ever finding someone suitable at all. I just need a lot of contact in the early stages. I just want to make sure that we have the same ideas as Jeff (even those that aren't mentioned here), ideas are presented and discussed, etc. It's also a very triggering RP, with a - if you write it right and say goodbye to the 0815 emo dude inside - very triggering character. This isn't necessarily about me - because Jeff isn't triggering me, quite the contrary - it's about you. Especially when you have some no-goes to talk about, communication is a must at the beginning. You might have to talk about that one problem over and over again, until you might manage to make it disappear from the picture. The RP is just nothing that you should touch with velvet gloves, even and especially not when the plot sounds like a pretty low-quality plot. The first impression here is very misleading. You have to be sure that you really want this and really want to write a realistic Jeff that has little in common with the anime version. I'm willing to compromise, but I'm not going to argue about what I think of Jeff. Sure, he has his feelings for my character, but he's just the way he is. Either you can handle it or you can't. I didn't feel so comfortable most of the time when I wrote to Jeff in the past. The things he does, I would never do in real life. You have to be able to distinguish between fiction and reality. And if you can't, then the RP is just not for you. But then please say it and don't let me hang around for months without saying anything. I just doubt that someone with heart can write a post/writing example, but at the same time does not have the time to get in touch and leave a small update or any sign of life. How is this supposed to go later?
"Hey, you. I ignore you half the year, but here is - after half an eternity - by the way my writing example/post. ", this does not paint a nice picture for the future of Jeff and Lorelai. Jeff must be played by a creepypasta fan who has been following the development of this character with love, fire and passion since the birth of Jeff the Killer and has such an RP long on his wish list. He really should want it and, given the opportunity to finally play it the way he is, he's got to get up right and stay on it with the same excitement that I do, and not someone so cowardly that he can't even give me a reason why he ghost me. I give you a lot of opportunities to explain yourself, to get in touch, and to apologize, but if you're still mute, it just sucks. It's very simple. Someone who is really serious about the plot would apologize and try to get better while explaining the situation. You also expect that from others, don't you? Why do you expect things that you yourself have not been able to keep?
If it is to much for you, even though you have few no-go's, then you can say goodbye decently and leave the dialogue. It's that simple. And I won't be angry with you. With an RP like this, I definitely understand. If you don't want to explore the deepest abyss of humanity, you should just stay away from Jeff, and that's totally fine. But just silence, tearing up all the walls, thats not how an adult should communicate, its just nonsense. I certainly don't want to flicker in the background while I'm fire & flame for the RP and you're only halfway there, because "Well, I'll do it, but I don't like doing it."
"His appereance"
↳ With the ideals of our society today, a person with third degree burns and a Glasgow Smile is hardly considered beautiful. I am a little different. What you would usually describe as ugly or scary has a special appeal to me. And it's the same with Jeff. Of course: A gollum is just a gollum, there's no need to talk about it. For me, Jeff is actually more of a unique work of art in which I find beauty, even if he looks the way he does. For me, all the fanart that puts him in a particularly beautiful and favorable light is what I would describe as ugly. That's why I don't want to see any of the trillions of standard fanarts of him that all depict him so perfect and beautiful. I mean, could we please just stop portraying a physically disfigured person as particularly sexy and hot? Beauty is overrated anyway. Plus, its called creepypasta, not sexypasta. Jeff will always be weirdly beautiful to me, it is what it is. No matter how ugly he is gonna be on the picture you want to use for him. I will always see him as a beautiful creature of the darkness. It would really be a challenge, for a change, to describe someone disfigured from the perspective of another character in such a way that, as in the case of my character, he appears "beautiful" to yourself. If villain, why hot?
Plot:
They always say beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
But what exactly fascinated student Lorelai about the three years older Jeffrey Mason and completely captivated her within a few weeks, no one could say so precisely. Maybe his good looks? His good manners or his good dealings with others? That's what you'd think if it was a normal teenager in his defiance phase. But Lorelai was as "normal" as any mother-in-law's nightmare Jeffrey Mason. Because what average girl would develop serious feelings for delinquent Jeffrey Mason the moment he beats up a classmate out of whim?
No one had expected that delinquent Jeff would ever get involved with a girl who was looking for a connection with a madness similar to her own. Of course, Lorelai's parents didn't liked the friendship with Liu Mason's bizarre older brother with the odd interests, who they thought was a very bad influence. What parents would want their daughter to be friends with a violent, mood-changing boy who has already met the police? As Lorelai's parents increasingly lose control of their daughter, they make a final decision: Moving to a new town! New school, new friends, and most of all. . . away from Jeffrey Mason!
Since then, Lorelai had never left the balcony. Every night she sat here, alone and impatiently waiting for that ray of hope that was balm to her soul. Together with him, she no longer felt so alienated in the world. A world she never fit into and she wanted to leave with him. Sometimes even monsters had to watch out for each other, lest they drown in a world that doesn't accept their idiosyncrasies. And then, then the moment finally arrived. A bloody smile she would recognize anywhere. Glowing eyes that radiated darkness and had connected to Lorelai's inner disarray. Darkness in which she saw beauty. Beauty who she wanted to serve with her body and soul. And when Lorelai looked back, she knew she was ready for this new life.
Needless to say: Don't text me if you don't know anything about Creepypasta, aren't familiar with Jeff the Killer and only care about getting your dick wet.