Random thoughts seemed to be dancing along my head. Though I think it mostly fear of what the new year will bring. I am starting college next month and I haven't been in school for so long since the last time I was in school of any kind 2010. 13 years out of the 'game'.
Realizing that this is another way I am taking back my power that I gave up to my ex husband all those years ago. It was so hard to do group projects with him because anyone I was talking was trying to take me away from him. Back then I wouldn't had done it because I was in 'love' with him. Back when I didn't know what love is. I thought it was just making someone else happy. I didn't know about the real work that makes something work well. The commatctions that need to be there. To know ones worth in the relationship even if you submissive. And knowing more of the world of BDSM lifestyle. What that really means not what you see in the porn that you watch that cut off the aftercare with the check in parts of the session. That a Dom is to help you to be the best visions of yourself outside of the bedroom or play time. Playtime was when he remind you who you belong to.
Though I am with someone that dose all this. He cares so much about me and his proud that I choose to take on school. I think this is why this scares me so is because I want to keep making him proud of me. I wanted to be someone that people can be proud of. I want him to be proud to call me his. I know that I am proud to call him mine. I want to do this and I want to do this well. I just can't turn off my thoughts that is scaring me. Because its the ex's voice that whispering to me... which is not what I normally hear in my thoughts its my own voice or my boyfriends voice... now its his voice in my head...
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