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Vailed In Black
•´¯`•. lέᵐ𝕄𝒆 ⒽєΔ𝐫 үｏ𝐔 Ⓢᶜ𝓻𝓔𝒶ｍ ≾３ .•´¯`•
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2009
January 09, 2009:
I lay in a bed without somebody. Not unusual since I had to do it for eight years prior now but it isn't something I cherish. The thought of being alone had brought my brain to a nice crispy burnt taste and smell. Though now I am living with a 'sister' that I once called 'lover'. I am trying to adjust to her boyfriend. A man that I have no reason to hate or even be angry at but my pain refuses to let go of being a bitch to. It is just something I have to deal with and she has threatened me that she wouldn't be my friend anymore if I persisted. So I stopped and just call him the name that he deserves respect for. As for the one that I now call sister. I don't know what will happen to her and I know that she no longer will help me like she did when she dated me. But maybe I could find some reassurance that nothing like this will happen. When I do finally find somebody which I am doubting due to how I am I will make sure that their needs are filled before they even have time to gripe.
My feelings are going to be locked tight on the whole lifestyle that my loved on took on. I might not even have it that way anymore. Since I see a neglect in the way it was treated I might be closed rather then open. It is abused more then respected when it is given like that. Besides that today I called into work. I got sick from all the stress of her breaking up with me. Several times today I have broken down and cried my eyes out. But lately it has been getting shorter and shorter. Hopefully that is a good sign and not a bad one. My roommates and I are hoping to start up a system of give and take. It is that we can share things regardless of who bought it and when the need arises that we talk that we go on terms and agreements. Sometimes the world cannot be bargain with if you don't give something of yours for theirs. Classic and old bargaining chip and technique yet still the still resourceful one. Anyway, hopefully I will be able to work out this in my life and enjoy it still even if I am no longer able to be bonded with another like I was with my ex-lover. Well, this is the thoughts of Communist Fluffy signing off.
I lay in a bed without somebody. Not unusual since I had to do it for eight years prior now but it isn't something I cherish. The thought of being alone had brought my brain to a nice crispy burnt taste and smell. Though now I am living with a 'sister' that I once called 'lover'. I am trying to adjust to her boyfriend. A man that I have no reason to hate or even be angry at but my pain refuses to let go of being a bitch to. It is just something I have to deal with and she has threatened me that she wouldn't be my friend anymore if I persisted. So I stopped and just call him the name that he deserves respect for. As for the one that I now call sister. I don't know what will happen to her and I know that she no longer will help me like she did when she dated me. But maybe I could find some reassurance that nothing like this will happen. When I do finally find somebody which I am doubting due to how I am I will make sure that their needs are filled before they even have time to gripe.
My feelings are going to be locked tight on the whole lifestyle that my loved on took on. I might not even have it that way anymore. Since I see a neglect in the way it was treated I might be closed rather then open. It is abused more then respected when it is given like that. Besides that today I called into work. I got sick from all the stress of her breaking up with me. Several times today I have broken down and cried my eyes out. But lately it has been getting shorter and shorter. Hopefully that is a good sign and not a bad one. My roommates and I are hoping to start up a system of give and take. It is that we can share things regardless of who bought it and when the need arises that we talk that we go on terms and agreements. Sometimes the world cannot be bargain with if you don't give something of yours for theirs. Classic and old bargaining chip and technique yet still the still resourceful one. Anyway, hopefully I will be able to work out this in my life and enjoy it still even if I am no longer able to be bonded with another like I was with my ex-lover. Well, this is the thoughts of Communist Fluffy signing off.