I've been gone. In coming back I am asking myself this question too. I always saw Roleplay as a form of collaborative writing, literary acting, team driven storytelling, where the goal is not to win, but to work together to tell a breathtaking story that makes the readers and the writers laugh, cry, fidget with anxiety over the fate of the main characters . . .
To me, Roleplay is an art. Nothing less. I have found that if you want a good long term rp that truly pulls on someone's heartstrings and makes the writers excited to return every time to concoct a reply, the general focus is not the romance, the violence, or winning. This isn't a game because there's no dice. Romance needs to be treated as a side effect and the conflict a plot point.
I have returned time and time again, craving something that seems so out of reach that after spending a month or two searching for it, I leave because it seems there isn't anyone who shares this passion and view. And yet I return because I wish to experience that potential I see in it.
I have created antagonists, protagonists, worlds, concepts, backstories, and failed because I have slipped so hard down a hill focusing on what should have been a side effect or because it turns out our general goal is forcing a relationship to brew between characters . . . the shallowness of these directions has left me disappointed and aching for more.
Roleplay works depending on whether or not you and the other person/people share the same idea. And I don't mean the concept or the rough plot, I mean the philosophy behind the roleplay in question. What is your goal? Is it the same as mine?
Because I see Roleplay as Creative Collaborative Writing, I treat it like that and apply everything I ever learned about creative writing, ie; show and don't tell, no Mary Sues, no OP characters, the protagonist must be able to lose and struggle before gaining success. This is just a small piece of the whole I bare in mind when writing.
I'm glad that in coming back to peruse the site again that I found this thread. I really needed to get this off my chest.