Vivi’s Vivarium

[vaporwave vibes]

turn on your favorite 24/7 chill wave streaming and pull up a chair; just hang out with me while i work through my writing demons, forge ahead with ill advised ideas, and try to pick up some fun stories as i go. i spend more time simply browsing bmr than i like to admit, a kind of zen in skimming across requests, stories, general chit chat but focusing those interests has always been difficult for me to manage. im your girl on the other side of the window, the monitor, looking in but gone with the flick of a switch. it’s all static. sometimes i feel like I should write up a request thread just to exorcise a particular loop, an endless repetition that gets stuck in my mind, but the writing of the request ends up being more cathartic than the idea of seeing it through to the end. i just want a journal thread here so i can work those out sometimes, i think. fandom dribbles for things where im the only fan. dark impulses that end up no gos for most players. new year, new me, all that jazz. time to jump up a couple of decades from my prior haunts and get stuck full on in my nostalgia. apologize to those ive played with and plotted with in the past but gotten nowhere with — hey y’all, i even came back and finished a long neglected scene for a very gracious and patient partner. i cant remember the last time i had a role playing scene that actually had a beginning, middle, and end.

things might just be looking up, she said, knowing that pride goeth before the fall.

 

[vaporwave vibes]

i feel like my brain as a writer has been broken by roleplaying, sometimes. i've been doing this off and on since — well, i don't want to date myself but the place i cut my teeth no longer exists anyway. i definitely have ideas for novellas, for short stories, for full on tales, for filthy quick fanfics and for original yarns, but it always ends up feeling too difficulty and empty if i can't pause at various points and wait for my partner to chime in. i get to a stopping point in my solo writing and then i end up simply stopping, waiting for the reply that never comes. it's something i'd like to try to break myself of, but the thing that draws me toward roleplaying is so often the surprise of what my partner might bring to the table; even if we've discussed overall plots or specific moments, there's no substitute for falling out of your chair over being sent that particularly charming turn of phrase.

and yet there's always that danger in the surprise too, that misstep, that moment that breaks the spell; when something that had gone unspoken over all that compatibility suddenly rears its head as being particularly incompatible for one or the other. do you backpedal and slap some tape over it? that's no good way to put a cracked vase back together. sometimes it's better to start over, or fade to black, when you know everything else has been going so well. dancing with someone else, you're always at risk of stepping on their feet.

but it beats dancing alone.