Just a simple advice for meh

[[[black_rose]]]

Yeah I'm not thinking of a relationship yet...I just need help getting into one when I'm ready..Like well...I really like this guy at youth group and all that...he makes me smile and we have fun [not bad]...It's just he has a girlfriend already but eh..shes way to over protective and gets jealous to easily..She clings to him most of the time and seems insecure a little..I want to make a move but know it's not right to get involed and all...Dx..I mean I think he deserves better even better then me I know every guy deserves better then me. The think is we hug we talk he plays games with me like flips my hood over my head and he KEEPS looking at me like he likes me more then a freind but it afraid to make a move..I just dunno..I mean I'm not ready for a realtionship yet..him and his girlfriend looked like they were having a serious conversation and he kept looking at me during it..What if he asks me to be his girlfriend next?? I mean I don't want to and am not ready but also I don't want to lose this guy either..hes hot and everything I look for in a guy and everything my parents look for in a guy..

I just need advice no flaming I'm not trying to cause drama either.

 

[Dox Paradox]

Well honey the honest thing to do is let them be for the time being. If they are having a bit of a rough time be ready to get some back lash. If the woman is as protective as you say, she might have a grudge against you for taking up her boyfriend if they break up, but at the same time if you really like him disregard her and enjoy the relationship you've been trying to pursue. The worst you could do is try to take him when they are already having a rocky time, when it's both safer and easier to just let them work it out and chose weather or not to still pursue him when he's single. But be warned, it could be a hard time with that girl still hanging around. Think carefully if you want to get mixed up with that kind of drama.

 

[ShadyPrincess]

Step one: STOP thinking that every guy deserves better than you. By thinking this way, it is the first step towards reverting RIGHT BACK to where you were. I mean, really - your insecurities are what often lead someone to step all over you. Just... Stop. I don't know you personally, though I feel like I know a good portion of your life's story from simply reading this board (and believe me, I have - I just prefer to lurk, generally) and you shouldn't go back to the way things were. If you truly want to change, this is where you start. Stop saying and thinking things like that.

Step two: Take it slow. Just because he's looking at you and doing things that you perceive as flirting doesn't mean he is. He very well might be, but, especially because there is another girl involved, let him work it out. It shouldn't be of any concern to you at this point in time. Until he confides in you something or leaves her, let it be. I guess stay alert, but... Let it be. You say you're not ready for a relationship, then don't even think about it. When it needs to happen, when it's the appropriate time and the right person comes along, it will happen.

Just because he makes you laugh and smile doesn't mean it's worthy of an official relationship. Get a feel for him (not, you know, literally/physically) and his personality as much as possible before moving into something. Don't kid yourself on what is bad about him, either - he may make you smile, but evaluate everything. Honestly, when you find yourself ready, you'll know. Often it'll just sort of fall into you lap long after you've become content with just being by yourself. Sometimes it's a long process, tedious even, but it's NECESSARY.

Step three: If he asks you out, and you still feel like you're not ready, for fuck's sake, be HONEST with him. If you're not ready (which, personally, from what I've read, I don't think you will be for a while - you need time to relax and learn to stand on your own two feet. Can someone else help you with that? Sure, in a restricted sort of way, but how are you supposed to learn to be independent when you're attached to someone all the time?) you'll just seem as needy and wanting as she does to you. If it's just a date and you feel comfortable with that, go. Let him know, though, that you're not ready for anything serious yet. For that matter, be honest with yourself about your feelings. Don't pressure yourself or let him pressure you into it.

Step four: Think about if you really want to be in a relationship with someone who may have just broken up with their girlfriend (perhaps, even, an ugly breakup) and if she's going to be around, how that'll effect your feelings. Girls create a lot of useless, unnecessary, snippy drama (Believe me, I should know, I am one) and I'm sure that she'd be no different. This sort of goes back to the 'take it slow' step.

Realize that you need time and, if he's such a great guy and genuinely likes you, I'd say that he'd probably wait around and give you the space you need. If he does wait around, don't be too eager to spill your heart out to him - just because he waited doesn't mean it's going to last forever. Take it easy, take it slow. Don't feel the need, either, to divulge exactly why unless you feel comfortable telling him so. If he doesn't feel like waiting around, he wasn't that great of a guy, I guess - Either it'll happen with him when the time is right or someone else, better, will come along. Don't be afraid of 'loss' - especially of something you don't actually have yet.

tl;dr -

Just wait. See what happens. Take it slow. BE HONEST - both with him AND yourself. Make sure it's what you want.

Oh, and don't jump on the 'I love you' train too quickly either. Feelings are good, but A) You could scare him B) That's a very serious, kind of elusive emotion for a lot of people C) It makes you look eager and desperate D) It puts you in a very hard place emotionally.

 

[Calista]

Yeah I'm not thinking of a relationship yet....

I was very hopeful when I read that but then the rest of the post proved otherwise.

Look. You need to stay out of relationships for a while. For many girls and guys alike, when they feel the slightest emotional connection with someone, that automatically makes them feel like they have a crush on that person. Maybe that's not the case for you, but it sounds like it. Just be his friend. You are not ready for another relationship, and you need to learn that not being in one isn't as horrible as it may seem.

It's like an addiction. You feel like you can't live without it, but if you spend a few weeks without being in a relationship you will realize that even if you feel lonely, you'll be happier without having to deal with all that stress. You can do the whole 'You don't understand!' thing, but I've been in a similar situation as you, so I know how you feel - it's hard thinking about not being in a relationship, but it's a part of life you have to get used to.

As HaveYouEverDreamed said, just wait and see what happens. Take things slow - this is a good thing to do for relationships and anything else. Rushing into things always ends badly. If this guy actually does end up liking you, that's great, but you shouldn't jump into it just because of that. Learn about who he is. He might be a complete jerk and pervert. Getting to know people before you start a relationship with them is extremely important, especially when you're a vulnerable insecure person. I mean, look at the -marriage- statistics. The divorce rate is 50% - people seem to jump into relationships too fast, and it causes problems.

Learning to be independent is an important thing. Even if you can physically take care of yourself (Like being able to cook, clean, live alone, etc.) isn't true independence. You need to learn how to be emotionally independent - now, this doesn't mean that you can't have friends and others to confide in and help you, but when you're overly reliant on others, something is wrong. A few years ago when I was in a similar situation, I could not go one day without talking to people - I'd get severely depressed because I needed others to take care of me. It isn't a healthy way to live. Once you feel like you are truly independent and happy with your life, THEN you should open your mind to looking for relationships. But until then, it's a bad idea.

I hope that helps.