Postpartum (Psychological horror?)

[The Antidote]

If you like this, there's more on my Deviantart.

December 20th

Dear Diary,

Today is the happiest day of my life. Angelina was born today, perfectly healthy and happy. I couldn’t imagine a more beautiful child. I was in labor for 16 hours, but she was worth every moment. I will do everything in my power to be the perfect mother.

December 23rd

Dear Diary,

Angelina seems to have taken quite a liking to her father. She stops crying almost immediately when he holds her. I envy him. It saddens me to take a back seat, but I will be fine. I’m sure she loves me as much as she loves him. I will be a good mother.

December 25th

Dear Diary,

I was watching the news this morning. There was a stabbing in a nearby town last night. This is such a violent time. I can’t believe I chose this time to bring a child into the world, into such a mean, hateful world. I hope Angelina doesn’t despise me for it. Does this make me a bad mother?

December 30th

I don’t think I can do it. I don’t think I’m cut out to be a mother. Last night, Angelina began crying. It was nothing out of the usual, but I found myself so annoyed by her incessant screaming. And then… I couldn’t help it. I wish I hadn’t thought it, but I did. I thought about leaving her outside for the night. And I even briefly considered it. I actually thought it over. I am a horrible mother.

January 1st

I got drunk last night. I never drink that much. I just couldn’t stop. It made it so much easier to deal with. The fact that Angelina doesn’t love me. Who can blame her? If she hates me, I deserve it.

January 4th

She hates me. It’s so obvious. The way she looks at me. And as much as I want to love her anyway, I feel that no matter how much I deny it; there is a large part of me that resents her. I deserve to die.

January 6th

I can’t deal with it anymore. How can I raise a child who doesn’t love me? I’ve been avoiding her as much as I can without being obvious about it. I don’t want John to know. How long can this go on?

January 10th

I’ve put an end to it. I’m only human. I can only handle so much. She was horrible to me, even though I gave her everything I could. In the end, though, I know that it was me. My fault. I was never good enough. I never will be good enough.

So I took her out this morning while John was at work. The temperature was just about zero, which made cracking the frozen ground with my shovel so difficult. I took her to the woods. I dug a hole. I put her in it. And then… And then…

I buried her. I didn’t even have the strength to kill her first. I’m so weak. This is why I couldn’t be the mother she deserved.

John will be home soon. He will find me asleep on the couch, with the front door wide open. Some one must’ve kidnapped her. That’s what I’ll tell them. But for how long will they believe it? I’ll have to hide my diary somewhere.

January 15th

They’re still looking for her, for the man who took her. They don’t know…

January 17th

I think I saw her. She was watching me. She hated me. I could feel her hatred. I’m a failure as a mother, this I already know, but I can’t be insane as well. She was there. I know she was.

January 18th

She’s begun carrying a knife around with her…

January 19th

[This page of the diary is covered in blood. Any words written have become illegible.]

 

[Russian Vodka]

Nice story. I like the way it's written and especially how the person who writes the diary expresses her feelings and asks herself those questions. I think it gives a great twist in the story when the person begins seeing the girl and then the ending because I got curious to find out what had happened.

 

[Raziel99]

Sounds like someone that would have been in Cedar Grove Sanitarium in Silent Hill.

well written.

 

[Neon Boy]

You should make more of these....its a decent one but if it were much more fleshy, like she asked more questions about her thoughts and the like...it would be that much more awesome :3..Huzzah constructive...ish criticism?

 

[ZOMBiiE]

Wow, that was really good for a diary/story kind of thing. Kind of creepy too... written like a mother probably would when she keeps a diary of her daughter/what she does and how the mother feels about her. I liked it, you should do more.

 

[Aember]

You could make it more edgy and more intellectual if you cut out the "telling," such as: "I want to die." "She hated me." "I deserve it."

Instead, replace phrases such as these with description. You can describe, through further events, the wish of the mother to die without explicitly spelling it out for the reader. The same thing can be done with the other statements that spell out this woman's mindset, or her child's mindset. You could also more acutely paint the woman's paranoia through this method.