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Abulurd
Super-Earth
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2009
- Location
- The Frozen White North
It has recently come to my attention that your backward-ass country doesn't use the word 'garborator.' Bear in mind, if you know what a garborator is, you're probably not from where I'm talking about. This is pretty much the last straw. I've had it up to here with America - and if this were a face to face conversation, you'd see exactly where 'here' is; suffice it to say it's pretty high up on me, and I'm pretty tall, so...yeah. It's a pretty significant height.
Behold! Previously absent from most of midwestern America: Knowledge! (For free! Why? 'Cause we're polite. Also part socialist. Yaaaay taxes!)
A garborator is a garbage disposal. It's operated by a switch next to your sink. When you turn it on, your sink turns into a loud, angry death machine that eats rotten apples, spoons, and the hand from that one guy in Final Destination 2.
Really, what I'm trying to get at is this: America sucks. In comparison to Canada, anyway. I mean, just recently my city was ranked the most eco-friendly city in the world. We're also 28th out of 50 for quality of living. Close behind, admittedly, is Honolulu, but let's be honest here, Honolulu doesn't matter. Hawai'i is barely a state. It's a warmer, more desirable Alaska. After that, your next highest is Minneapolis, at 6th, but again, really? The first city from America that actually matters is Pittsburgh, which is tied for 13th.
Now, I'm not saying being more eco-friendly makes my city better than yours. It does, but I'm not saying that. What I am saying, is that America is lame, and anything good that comes from you is freely available in Canada, so I can get all the best parts without ever having to visit you.
The only exceptions are Adult Swim and Vanilla Coke, which tragically arent available here. And maybe being able to sit in the stadium at an NFL game, but I've done that already. In Seattle, which is close enough to Canada that if your country started to get to me I could just turn around and go back. The Seahawks weren't worth it, but I saw the Raiders lose bad, which made it all good, thank you for asking.
You may now resume thinking you're great.
For the record:
Shinny is pickup hockey, not that anyone actually uses that word
Tim Horton's makes the best coffee in the world
It's 'about.' Yes, 'about.' We say it like normal people, and if we say it with an accent, it's closer to 'a boat' than 'aboot.'
Igloos are surprisingly warm, polar bears are adorable, and huskies make awesome pets. Not that any of that matters, because none of those things is widespread across my country.
We gave the world Rush.
Yes, Justin Bieber is Canadian, but we only made him famous so people would shut up about Hannah Montana. He's a tool of the government, and a weapon of mass destruction.
Sometimes it snows. Sometimes it snows a lot. Sometimes it snows a lot in August. Yes, we know, no it's not funny anymore.
If you have to make fun of Canada, make fun of Newfoundland specifically, because they're the butt of all of our jokes, and at the end of the day I live in a province that could probably pretty comfortably buy your state, if it had to.
The Queen's English, which you don't use (As in, the one from England, you know, where English comes from) spells a bunch of shit with 'u's. Brush up.
And, finally, yes, I know I'm trolling. I'm drunk and I just had a binge of Canadian television. We're awesome. Laugh if you want, or don't. I really don't care.
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Behold! Previously absent from most of midwestern America: Knowledge! (For free! Why? 'Cause we're polite. Also part socialist. Yaaaay taxes!)
A garborator is a garbage disposal. It's operated by a switch next to your sink. When you turn it on, your sink turns into a loud, angry death machine that eats rotten apples, spoons, and the hand from that one guy in Final Destination 2.
Really, what I'm trying to get at is this: America sucks. In comparison to Canada, anyway. I mean, just recently my city was ranked the most eco-friendly city in the world. We're also 28th out of 50 for quality of living. Close behind, admittedly, is Honolulu, but let's be honest here, Honolulu doesn't matter. Hawai'i is barely a state. It's a warmer, more desirable Alaska. After that, your next highest is Minneapolis, at 6th, but again, really? The first city from America that actually matters is Pittsburgh, which is tied for 13th.
Now, I'm not saying being more eco-friendly makes my city better than yours. It does, but I'm not saying that. What I am saying, is that America is lame, and anything good that comes from you is freely available in Canada, so I can get all the best parts without ever having to visit you.
The only exceptions are Adult Swim and Vanilla Coke, which tragically arent available here. And maybe being able to sit in the stadium at an NFL game, but I've done that already. In Seattle, which is close enough to Canada that if your country started to get to me I could just turn around and go back. The Seahawks weren't worth it, but I saw the Raiders lose bad, which made it all good, thank you for asking.
You may now resume thinking you're great.
For the record:
Shinny is pickup hockey, not that anyone actually uses that word
Tim Horton's makes the best coffee in the world
It's 'about.' Yes, 'about.' We say it like normal people, and if we say it with an accent, it's closer to 'a boat' than 'aboot.'
Igloos are surprisingly warm, polar bears are adorable, and huskies make awesome pets. Not that any of that matters, because none of those things is widespread across my country.
We gave the world Rush.
Yes, Justin Bieber is Canadian, but we only made him famous so people would shut up about Hannah Montana. He's a tool of the government, and a weapon of mass destruction.
Sometimes it snows. Sometimes it snows a lot. Sometimes it snows a lot in August. Yes, we know, no it's not funny anymore.
If you have to make fun of Canada, make fun of Newfoundland specifically, because they're the butt of all of our jokes, and at the end of the day I live in a province that could probably pretty comfortably buy your state, if it had to.
The Queen's English, which you don't use (As in, the one from England, you know, where English comes from) spells a bunch of shit with 'u's. Brush up.
And, finally, yes, I know I'm trolling. I'm drunk and I just had a binge of Canadian television. We're awesome. Laugh if you want, or don't. I really don't care.
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