I might be in denial about things. I am not sure since I'm beginning to go numb from the anniversary break up of my ex. Its been a whole year, and I am still waiting for him. During this process I've become so cold and unfeeling..I DO feel, but its from certain people that I can never be with. Mostly online. They have either turned from me or..left. I now feed off of pride and a certain sense of richeousness. Pity is like a kryptonite towards my soul...more so than being wrong.
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[Luna's journal]
- Thread starter Luna
- Start date
Re: She does have a heart. [Luna's journal]
I used to live on that petty emotion that is love. But after that nasty little break up and an act of stupidity...I could no longer find any guy on gaia. In march I had another man I really liked, but in the end he broke up with me because I loved him. My heart shattered once again into smaller fragments. I break up with someone who I was with because I wanted some shape of security with the person I was. But I did not love him. When I joined Darker, I was excited and happy, but I wasn't content.
I used to live on that petty emotion that is love. But after that nasty little break up and an act of stupidity...I could no longer find any guy on gaia. In march I had another man I really liked, but in the end he broke up with me because I loved him. My heart shattered once again into smaller fragments. I break up with someone who I was with because I wanted some shape of security with the person I was. But I did not love him. When I joined Darker, I was excited and happy, but I wasn't content.
Re: She does have a heart. [Luna's journal]
I made threads asking for friends, masters, anything. I just wanted to find my next somebody special. But the feeling did not come. The feeling of need. Desire. But one day I found a few sign pics with a friends name on them and nearly cried. He had stopped talking to me entirely, and we lost contact eventually. I don't know if the jealousy is a sign of love. But my heart did hurt. The next guy I had a tiny crush on had a girlfriend. He was smarter than me, and guys get kudos for that. But I didn't bother.
I made threads asking for friends, masters, anything. I just wanted to find my next somebody special. But the feeling did not come. The feeling of need. Desire. But one day I found a few sign pics with a friends name on them and nearly cried. He had stopped talking to me entirely, and we lost contact eventually. I don't know if the jealousy is a sign of love. But my heart did hurt. The next guy I had a tiny crush on had a girlfriend. He was smarter than me, and guys get kudos for that. But I didn't bother.
Re: She does have a heart. [Luna's journal]
Once all my rps went down the toilet, I tried LD and ML.
I was flamed a lot by two particular males but ended up making friends with one, and the other disappeared. Narpy said I've got good charisma, and that made me happy. I don't get compliments often, so that was slightly unfamiliar. I began to try to be a crowd favorite in ML and get a custom title from Lasci. I wanted it because I was sick of being generic...I wanted someone to notice how great I was without having to flirt with them. Never happened.
Once all my rps went down the toilet, I tried LD and ML.
I was flamed a lot by two particular males but ended up making friends with one, and the other disappeared. Narpy said I've got good charisma, and that made me happy. I don't get compliments often, so that was slightly unfamiliar. I began to try to be a crowd favorite in ML and get a custom title from Lasci. I wanted it because I was sick of being generic...I wanted someone to notice how great I was without having to flirt with them. Never happened.
Re: She does have a heart. [Luna's journal]
Then...I just got fed up with it. I stopped pming. I was sick of seeing people blow me off all the time. I stopped looking for rps. I stopped acting like me. Partially because I had a back stabbing in real life. I just stopped caring. I started gaming instead of waiting for people to reply. I made irrelevant topics. Just about anything to consume my time. I went to bed early sometimes. I suppose that I was sick of trying to impress people. Darker died. I missed a few people, but it eventually got fixed.
Then...I just got fed up with it. I stopped pming. I was sick of seeing people blow me off all the time. I stopped looking for rps. I stopped acting like me. Partially because I had a back stabbing in real life. I just stopped caring. I started gaming instead of waiting for people to reply. I made irrelevant topics. Just about anything to consume my time. I went to bed early sometimes. I suppose that I was sick of trying to impress people. Darker died. I missed a few people, but it eventually got fixed.
Re: She does have a heart. [Luna's journal]
I love the people who are still my friends. I was never bitchy to them for real, but I have been abandoned a lot, especially in real life. And I...don't care. I just laugh and go oh well. Maybe I am in shock of losing the two who I cared about because they chose to leave. I'm not sure. I'm unhappy. But damned if I go out looking for someone again. Damned if I get all needy inside. Cause feelings should never be needed. You either get someone or you don't. No need to piss and moan.
Thats all for today.
I love the people who are still my friends. I was never bitchy to them for real, but I have been abandoned a lot, especially in real life. And I...don't care. I just laugh and go oh well. Maybe I am in shock of losing the two who I cared about because they chose to leave. I'm not sure. I'm unhappy. But damned if I go out looking for someone again. Damned if I get all needy inside. Cause feelings should never be needed. You either get someone or you don't. No need to piss and moan.
Thats all for today.
The Antidote
Super-Earth
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2009
Re: She does have a heart. [Luna's journal]
I can definitely understand your seeking solace in gaming after a heartbreak. I've been there. I think I wasted about a month drowning out every waking moment I had in a mediocre first person shooter that I didn't even really like. Love's such a terrible thing. I was afraid of it before I tried and, and now I refuse after having felt it's let downs. Once was enough for me. I admire your persistence, though. You were strong enough to try again. *snuggle*
I can definitely understand your seeking solace in gaming after a heartbreak. I've been there. I think I wasted about a month drowning out every waking moment I had in a mediocre first person shooter that I didn't even really like. Love's such a terrible thing. I was afraid of it before I tried and, and now I refuse after having felt it's let downs. Once was enough for me. I admire your persistence, though. You were strong enough to try again. *snuggle*
Re: She does have a heart. [Luna's journal]
-snuggles back-
Eh, I still do that, make myself do something to distract just how lonely I am. Not only relationship wise, but family wise.
Now, I know better not to look or persist. I'll just let it come to me. :]
But I don't NEED it...nope...not at all.
-snuggles back-
Eh, I still do that, make myself do something to distract just how lonely I am. Not only relationship wise, but family wise.
Now, I know better not to look or persist. I'll just let it come to me. :]
But I don't NEED it...nope...not at all.
The Antidote
Super-Earth
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2009
Re: She does have a heart. [Luna's journal]
Ah. What we need, and what is best for us.
Two totally different things.
Amare et sapere vix deo conceditur.
Ah. What we need, and what is best for us.
Two totally different things.
Amare et sapere vix deo conceditur.
Re: She does have a heart. [Luna's journal]
Translate?
There are those who think my sig is harsh, but its not. Only weak people need to find someone to love them constantly when they're lonely.
Me? Meh, I'll be fine with a wii and the TOS games to keep my mind off stuff like that.
Kratos, I love you! <333
Translate?
There are those who think my sig is harsh, but its not. Only weak people need to find someone to love them constantly when they're lonely.
Me? Meh, I'll be fine with a wii and the TOS games to keep my mind off stuff like that.
Kratos, I love you! <333
The Antidote
Super-Earth
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2009
Re: She does have a heart. [Luna's journal]
It translates from Latin as, "Even a god finds it hard to be in love and wise at the same time."
I'd have to agree with you, It's not harsh at all. Truthful.
I live by the motto "Better a longing heart than a broken heart."
It translates from Latin as, "Even a god finds it hard to be in love and wise at the same time."
I'd have to agree with you, It's not harsh at all. Truthful.
I live by the motto "Better a longing heart than a broken heart."
Its been a while since I specifically wrote in this, but..
My little brother has something called ATP(I think) and he's having trouble with his count. He was on a medicine that improved his count drastically but by the end of the week it had dropped back to an extreme low. I've been helping my mom with the hospital trips, even took him to get a blood transplant. I've been worried about him, as well as my parents. My mom is worried about forclosure and she's got a terrible case of depression already.
My little brother has something called ATP(I think) and he's having trouble with his count. He was on a medicine that improved his count drastically but by the end of the week it had dropped back to an extreme low. I've been helping my mom with the hospital trips, even took him to get a blood transplant. I've been worried about him, as well as my parents. My mom is worried about forclosure and she's got a terrible case of depression already.
My mom and dad's marriage is on the rocks. My dad mentally abuses her, and while I was growing up, he made me feel like a worthless piece of crap. I understand why she is in the state she is in. I love my dad but he belittles us to the point where we resent him. It got worse during my late teen years. I hated living with him. Now he's forcing all of his frustrations on her. Its really sad..
I'm trying to keep my spirits up, but it gets hard when I get ignored or someone picks a fight with me.
I'm trying to keep my spirits up, but it gets hard when I get ignored or someone picks a fight with me.