° HYMN *◢ to the sea ⋮⋮ — feelsHASkilig && JINFINITE

[feelsHASkilig]

welcome to a jinsley original production!

to entertain our new obsession with #hariana, we bring you a lovely blend of the little mermaid and a weird melting pot of other disney movies plus titanic plus dunkirk. we movie night...a lot. also, no, we did not get the idea to use hariana for little mermaid because of the harry styles rumors. this has been a long ago plot since before the rumors. it's a long story.

our story begins, like the fairytale, with a mermaid falling in love with a human. and not just any human. a prince! it continues with a song (two songs, actually) and a call to the sea. there are princes and princesses. curses and prophecies. love and duty. loyalty and betrayal. dark magic and light magic. and a battle, a constant battle for happily ever after.

welcome to the kingdom of eliressi~ chill on the beach. take a nice swim in the ocean. and don't piss off the prince...like...ever.

this is the hymn to the sea.

**Disclaimer:: This roleplay migrated from it's original thread on another roleplaying site. The first 17 posts are previous posts written between Jin and me.**

 

[feelsHASkilig]

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Everything is brighter in the deep when the moon is up in the sky. This is the perfect time for the colony, not just because the moon made it all visible. When the moon is out, everyone feels stronger.

Her sister snarled and bared her teeth as she swam up beside her. It wasn’t towards her, of course. When she followed her sister’s gaze, she was glaring across the way at another one of them. This one is one of the few that will take part in the challenge tonight. Although her sister was confident that everything will go well, she couldn’t stop this strange feeling inside. This feeling was why she grasped her spear tighter until her hands were sore.

She wished she was like her sister; so confident and sure of the outcome tonight.

All the noise around her disappeared suddenly. The water felt still and tense. The fin that ran across her back stiffened in response. For a moment, no one moved as they all waited. Then she felt a rush of the water hit her in the back. But when she looked back, nothing was there behind her. By then, her Alpha mother had taken her proper place in the center of the circle that formed around her.

Her Alpha mother didn’t even bother looking at either of the daughters. Of course she didn’t look at them. They did not matter right now. They were not the ones that wanted her defeated...or dead.

She was suddenly made aware of just how many contenders surrounded her mother right now. All of them glared coldly at the Alpha. All of them were hungry for blood. All of them wanted what she had. And every one of them was just as powerful as her tonight.

The Healers were at a distance, waiting patiently for the bloodbath to begin and end. None of them felt compelled to rise up in the ranks of the colony. They knew their importance. Behind her and her sister were the males. Each one was as passive as the next while they wait to find out who they would be hearing their next orders from. Everyone had their place. Just like her and her sister as they waited right behind their mother. It had been this way for so many moons now that she lost track long ago.

For her and her sister, this wasn’t their fight. It was painful to accept, but that was just how it is. Had it been any other night, she and her sister would be up in arms prepared to defend their mother from any danger that came her way. Tonight, however, they became just as much a threat to their mother if they so much as raised their spears in defense. There were no good intentions tonight. It was every being for themselves.

However, she did know the back-up plan: if their mother should fall tonight, they must fight to the death to keep the power in their family.

Her sister was prepared to defend their family as her eyes darted from one contender to the next. Her sister was calculating which ones she would be able to fight off if need be.

Suddenly, the moon above became brighter. The deep waters was shining so bright now that it made the scales on her tail glisten. For a moment, she pictured one of the latest treasures she found during one of her excursions. She had no idea what it was, but when under a lot of light it made everything around her shine brighter and in different colors.

A threatening cry broke her train of thought. She snapped her attention back in front of her just as two contenders charged forward, their weapons on the offensive and pointed directly at her Alpha mother. The challenge has finally begun. She tensed up the moment the water around them rippled when spear met spear. The force was so strong that it pushed her back some and she had to adjust back into her position. Even in the few seconds it took her to do that, five more contenders charged forward for their chance.

Everything was happening so quickly. Even with the help of the moon’s light, she still struggled to keep track of her Alpha mother in the battle. Spears and sharp tail fins swished violently in all directions. Some hit their targets. Each time she watched as the waters in front of her darkened for a second, her heart sank fearing that it was the end. Her fear, of course, would be for naught. It was her Alpha mother that was the cause for all of the blood.

The combat was just as violent as the last moon. Her basic and limited knowledge told her that all those that were defeated would need some time to heal from their injuries. A couple had to be carried away from the fighting before a rogue spear or tail fin could fatally strike them. The Healers worked alongside the males to carry the defeated away from the fighting that continued on.

She worried for her Alpha mother. Even at the speed she made her way through her opponents, there was no denying that being her own army of one against so many was going to be exhausting. Even if she was looking to come out of this fight victorious, their Alpha had her own share of terrible injuries. Beside her, her sister continued snarling; ready to defend their family.

She had been so focused on her Alpha mother’s well-being that she almost missed it. In fact, the immediate danger was mere feet from her before it registered in her peripheral and allowed her to react. Eyes wide, she watched as the life left the face of her would-be attacker. Her gaze lowered and she stared at the blood spilling from the fatal wound; a spear buried deep into the now dead female’s chest. The other injuries seem so minor now.

The dead female floated in front of her for another moment, forcing her to stare at the vast nothingness behind the now dimming blue eyes. Not even the moonlight above could bring light back into them. Then, suddenly, the body jerked and another rush of blood floated up around them. Seconds later, it started to slowly sink to the deep bottom.

She finally turned away from the corpse. Behind her, her sister stared back at her unfazed by what she had done. After all, she was doing her duty. She may be in charge of keeping their colony safe, but for nights like tonight, it was family that came first. As sisters, they were devoted to keeping each other safe from those that could harm them. And together, they would defend their Alpha mother to the death. On nights like tonight, everyone that dared challenge the authority of their mother was the enemy.

There was no time to mourn for the dead. She had a duty and she knew she had a brief moment of weakness. She was better than this. She was trained better than this.

When the waters around them were finally calm and still, her Alpha mother emerged victorious. Her opponents cowered below her, heads bowed down in defeat and submission. For those that survived, they knew they lost. They fought as hard as they could, but in the end, the strongest was still her mother. As she let out a proud, victorious cry that vibrated across the water, the entire colony bowed in respect.

That was it. The natural order of things returned.

Despite having one of the best Healers in the colony, as the Alpha mother’s daughter, she was the one responsible for tending to all of her injuries. This was a recent development, actually. At first, her mother did not approve that she was learning the art of being a Healer. She was supposed to be a warrior like her sister. However, after one challenge in which her mother almost lost the fight, the Alpha was left no choice but to accept that she needed her daughter’s extra hands. From then on, if the injuries were not too serious, she was in charge of tending to them.

Once all of the injured had been tended to, the Alpha commanded everyone in the colony to gather together to prepare to return to their waters; home. Her sister immediately took her place beside their mother. She, on the other hand, fell behind to swim alongside one of the Healers; her mentor. Everyone followed behind their Alpha, making sure not to fall behind. By the time they were halfway to their waters, all the injured had healed up fairly well and were in decent shape to keep up without struggle.

She would have followed her Alpha mother and the rest of the colony the whole way had it not been for the distraction. These waters were familiar to her. Even if it had been a while since she last swam through these waters, she knew them well enough to know that the giant, still object sticking out from the bottom was not there before. Based on the structure and her past experience exploring inside, this was a recent addition to the sea bottom. How recent? She obviously could not say. For all she knew, it could have been many moons since she last swam through these waters when it arrived.

However long it had been at the bottom, it did not lessen her curiosity. These giant things always had new treasure that she didn’t already possess. If she explored the inside of this one, what would she find?

After a cautious peek, she slipped through a big enough opening to get inside. Off the bat, she noticed something that she had not seen from others. There were these colorful pieces either small enough to just float around her or big enough to be weighed down. When she grabbed one of the bigger pieces, she noticed that it felt nothing like what she had in her collection already. It wasn’t strong to the touch. It moved like her hair, but no matter how hard she pulled at it, it would not break. She could not make heads or tails at all what it could possibly be, but she still collected more bigger pieces to add to her collection later. She then continued her search for more treasures, maybe something that blinked against the moonlight. Those were always a favorite of hers.

Turns out she hit a lucky break with this excursion. The deeper she swam inside, the more shiny treasures she found. She wished she had brought something other than her spear to help her carry it all. In the end, she had to remind herself that she could potentially come back for whatever else she wanted to get.

When she finally reached the end, her arms were full of whatever she could manage to carry. It was going to be a long trip to the place she kept all of her treasures. She had to be reasonable about her ability to bring more than she could carry on her own. It still didn’t hurt to look though. And look she did. The first thing she noticed the moment she reached the very end of this giant was that everything shined. It shined more than whatever she had with her now. Excited to see what it all was, she ended up dropping all she was already carrying to better look around. There were so many of these strangely shaped things that had openings like shells with thin, round ears on each side that she can wrap her hands around. What kind of creature could fit in such a thing?

As she hooked a couple of these shiny shells onto her arm, her gaze fell upon more of the colorful, flimsy pieces from earlier. Only, these looked different. These had more color to them than the ones from before. And it also felt different; more thin and weak. She rummaged through it all until her hands felt something tougher, but also not tougher. Curious, she pushed all the pieces aside until her eyes fell on a familiar object.

She had quite a few of these already. It was shaped just like those placed around the neck of those that died in her colony before they return to the bottom. Only these weren’t covered in shells and were much thinner. When she tried one on before, it easily floated away from her up to her face. But it was shiny and they were all so different. Each one she found had a different marking on it; the meanings she would never know unfortunately.

This new one was so thin, small, but long. At the end of it was shaped sort of like a shell, but flat. There was no way any of the smaller creatures could make a home out of it. Just like all the others, the markings were strange and unfamiliar. However, she did notice upon closer review that there was some sort of marking that reminded her of the waters above the other markings. What did it mean?

Regardless of whether she knew anything about this object or not, she decided to take it with her. Utilizing the long circle clinging to the shell with the markings, she hung it around her neck and waited for it to press against her chest before retrieving all that she dropped earlier. She was definitely going to return to get more of these treasures later.

Excitement and fear overcame her as she sped away from the giant. This was the first time she ever saw it above the waters. She didn’t even think they did anything else but litter the bottom. But, honestly, the giant was the last thing she could think about. Her heart raced thinking about him. What was it about him that made her so curious to know more? Up until now, males were nothing more than servants or to be used for mating. They really meant nothing to her until they were needed. But this one. This one would not leave her mind no matter how far she swam away from the giant...and him. The way his dark hair flowed around his head. The way he did this strange dance of sorts with his hands and odd looking tails. But, most of all, the way his bright blue eyes looked at hers. There was so much life in them.

Were all humans like that?

If so, they were nothing like what she learned of them her entire life. How could something that beautiful be a danger to her and her people?

Suddenly, she stopped dead in her tracks. She felt it again. How is it possible? She put such a distance between herself and the human. And yet, how could the very pull that tempted her to put herself in danger just to be near him be felt now and just as strong? She turned back. She wanted to see him again. She needed to see him again. Just the very thought of him brought a tickle from her chest into her throat. She craved to sing to him her song. She needed to make him hers.

She tried to swim as fast as she possibly could. It was torture to know that she could easily swim distances at break neck speeds and yet there wasn’t enough speed to get her back to her human faster. Why did she have to escape him? She should have just stayed—

Something was wrong. She knew it the moment she felt a change in the waters. There was a heaviness all around her even if it was just her in the immediate area. No other creatures of the waters dared come near her. They all feared her. But it wasn’t fear that made the waters feel so suffocating. She knew that any moment now, the waters would suddenly become…angry? Desperate? Vengeful?

Suddenly her eyes widened. Panic overcame her. It would not be long before the waters lashed out for reasons she didn’t know. What if her human was still in the waters? He would never survive.

Above her, she saw that the waters at the top were starting to attack. She desperately begged her tail to kick faster and harder. She needed to know he was going to be okay.

What she saw when she returned to the giant paralyzed her. Oh no. Was she too late?

Her worst fears came alive. Her human was still in the water. Not only was he still in the water, he was no longer dancing. He was so still and he would not stop sinking. No. She couldn’t let him reach the bottom. She had to save him.

She darted the remaining distance between them. Any doubts or worries escaped her as instinct took over. The moment she reached him, she immediately wrapped an arm around his waist and held him tightly against her. It was a good thing she knew these waters well. She and her sister hunt these waters often. This meant that she knew there was dry land nearby. Yes, she had to get him to land. Humans need land.

Everything that happened after grabbing him and then dragging his lifeless body to land was a blur. When her mind finally caught up, an indescribable pain radiated throughout her entire body. She fought the urge to cry out in pain as her eyes watered and she could no longer see her human clearly. She had to get back into the water, now.

Once the pain disappeared, she took a moment to let everything sink in. After so many years and so many warnings from her Alpha mother and her elders, she went above the waters. Not only that...she went on land. What had she done? No one in her colony ever surfaced before….

But...she knew she had to. Her human was going to die if she didn’t. Speaking of her human....

She quickly popped her head above the waters. She noticed that the waters were gradually calming down again. It was still a little rough, but it was manageable. Her head was now clear enough for her to take everything in. The world above felt light, but different from the lightness in the waters. It was also so bright she had to shut her eyes for a moment. When her eyes were strong enough to withstand the brightness, she focused her gaze on the land she left her human on. Please, let him be okay.

“YOUR HIGHNESS!” Panic once again consumed her. She turned in the direction of the strange noise. It was the giant from before. The one her human jumped out of. She immediately ducked back under into the water just as it came closer to her. From below, she watched as the giant cast a menacing shadow around her, but kept moving forward. It must have always been close by to be here so quickly.

When it finally passed her, she once again popped her head above the water to watch it move away. It was heading straight toward the land she left him on. It was then that she noticed some smaller forms of the giant detach from it and go in separate directions. On top were other human males; all looking exactly like the other, same color and all. They kept repeating the strange noise from before, but as the one that approached the land got closer, it was coming off faster sounding.

Would he be okay with these other humans after him? Can he trust them? Did she dare stick around to keep an eye on him just in case he was in any more danger? ​

 

[JINFINITE]

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There was something extra satisfying about finishing work on a half day. He worked five days straight, a half day on the sixth and then a day of rest following. Of course it wasn’t like he worked sun up to sun down, his days were dictated by the amount of work he had to do so his busy days varied and fluctuated. Today for instance he’d had deadlines to meet and had been on his feet alternating between the forge and anvil. It was the end of a long week for Baelley. The end of a workday always just meant he’d be back the next day to finish where he left off, but the end of a half day meant he was done and the week would take all his triumphs and failures with it while he went back home to rest. Or in today’s case he would meet with his love and she would breathe the strength back into him.

Ana had said she would come see him today and knowing that was what got him through the morning today. Though that wasn’t to say that he’d been struggling, just that having someone to look forward to made everything easier. It had taken a long time to get to this point—a point when time could fly because he knew he’d see her soon. There used to be a time when the days and weeks between her visits would drag seemingly for forever, and the worst of it all would be the days he would wake only to be told that he had missed her.

It was that same worry and regret that had him rushing now to put away all his tools, including stabling the donkey for the night. She played an important role here in the shop, pulling carts and saving Baelley from having to carry beyond what his weakened body could manage.

One of the doctors, a specialist, back at the hospital had this theory that all his pain came from his body overcompensating for his injured back rather than each pain being its own issue. That is to say that according to that doctor his knee was only hurting right now because it had been doing double work to support one major injury. His back. Meaning the only true injury he still had was his back and it wasn’t that the rest of his body was still broken like it used to be. That his knee was absorbing all the shock when he walked and was saving his back from a world of pain. And similarly when anything else hurt it always circled back to his back. This theory sort of made sense, but at the same type his entire body had been crushed. There used to be days he couldn’t even hold a cup, so the doctor was saying the rest of his broken body had little to nothing to do with his day to day pain and that it all originated from his back? Baelley was honestly a little skeptical but who was he to question the doctor?

The week’s work was definitely weighing him down now and he could already feel how sore he would be tomorrow as he reached well above his head to put away the last of his tools. At last he was finally free to step outside and when he did he was greeted by the brightest light he’d ever seen, his very own angel. But as much as he longed to run to her side and lift her into his arms, they were in public, and so Baelley restrained himself. He smiled, taking her hand to formally greet her when she extended it to him before in turn offering his own arm so as to walk beside her maintaining what little physical contact they were allowed.

Baelley lost track of time as they walked together, simply having Ana at his side made everything feel better. Emotionally, mentally, but physically his knee was nearing its limit and Baelley wasn’t sure how much longer he could stay on his feet. Not that he was at risk of falling over, his legs weren’t just going to give out beneath him. But what had started as discomfort was steadily turning into pain. He stopped in his tracks. His weight shifting to one side, his knee naturally bending slightly as the pressure was taken off it. It was now that he regretted not bringing his cane. The weather was so nice today and it was his day of rest, he genuinely had thought he would be fine. He just needed to sit down for a while, but they were almost back to his house. Just a little further Lieutenant.

Baelley hissed in pain at the first step as it radiated from his knee up the side of his leg towards his lower back in a jolt before dissipating and returning to reside in his knee. Maybe the good doctor had been onto something concerning the true origin of his hurt. Before stopping the momentum of them walking had kept him going but after resting his knee for that brief moment it had all caught up with him. His knee had gotten a taste of freedom and was now demanding more. But this was nothing, he was used to this. He had navigated through this with Ana for several years now and the pain came more as an aggravation to him now than a cause for concern. He wasn’t even 30 yet and he was crippled for life—this was his life now. Some days he was fine, others he wasn’t. Some days he was lifting half his weight, others he could barely get out of bed. And then there were days like today, the in between days that were here to serve as a constant reminder that things would never be the same again. Never the same again, but that wasn’t to say he was still holding onto those dark feelings. No, Baelley had long ago accepted this way of life; but it would be a lie to say it didn’t flicker across his mind when at his worst.

Today was far from his worst though. This was nothing, just his body telling him to slow down and maybe not leave his cane at home next time on account of good weather. Ana was of course quick to catch on. She had always been hyper vigilant when it came to his well being and it showed as she naturally adjusted the placement of her arms now. While before he held his arm out so as to escort her, she now instead took a caretaker position of supporting his arm so he could lean against her if need be. He wouldn’t need to, he could walk on his own, but she was there anyways just in case.

They walked slightly slower now, he wasn’t quite limping nor relying on her to stand, but it was still clear he favored his knee the rest of the way back to his little house. Once inside he paused again, though not out of pain this time. Ana turned to look up at him as he unlinked their arms and instead leaned down until his lips found hers. They were safe behind closed doors now and Baelley had been waiting all day to have even just a moment alone with the Princess of Eliressi. Life was truly so cruel to them. The first years they had been in such close, intimate contact. But as he had gotten better they in turn...not “grew apart”, but it was harder to justify being alone together. It wasn’t safe for either of them to act in this manner outside of very private arrangements.

He so desperately wanted this to last forever but eventually he had to open his eyes and move back so they could both take a breath. He held onto that moment as long as he could though by reaching up to tuck a tiny stand of blonde baby hairs back behind her ear while she asked if she could get him anything. He didn’t need anything but as he stepped further into the house he felt his knee pop again and so Ana tried again, offering poppy tea now seeing that it would take a while for him to find relief otherwise. He agreed, Ana was an unstoppable force and even if he had refused she would have come up with something else to help. As she left his side to turn right towards the kitchen, he went opposite to go sit and rest his knee. He passed the coat hooks along the wall where his cane hung by the door but he didn’t stop to grab it, he didn’t need it. He was only traveling a few paces further.

It was a very small house and constructed upward rather than out. It was designed for the bedroom to make up most of the second floor but Baelley could probably count on his hands how many times he had ventured up there. Obviously when he had first moved in it was physically impossible for him to go upstairs. Ana had things moved around and as such his “bedroom” was on the lower level just off the kitchen. It denied him of a reception area but it wasn’t like he hosted guests anyways. It was completely open, his bed pushed into the corner alongside the railing for the stairs to the second floor. This gave him something to hold onto, when getting in and out of bed back when he was first discharged. It still proved useful to this day. Opposite his bed was a small dresser for his clothes with the top drawer reserved for his health. Inside were various drugs and ointments, bandages and instruments, everything Ana had brought with her when this house had been his own personal infirmary right after leaving the hospital. And then last but not least there was a small two chair table by the window across the room from the kitchen. Baelley really didn’t have much in terms of personal effects, there were some shelves in the walls but most everything he needed fit in the dresser or was stored under his bed. The second floor held the sitting room furniture, it was originally just to temporarily hold it but it was never cleared out and had sort of become Ana’s room. Not that she slept there, most definitely not, but it was the one place in the house that Baelley didn’t have easy access to. He was certain she used to keep things hidden away up there. Presents for him, for Ellis, for anyone really. That room was only ever used by Ana, and Baelley truthfully couldn’t tell you what was up there most days.

Baelley had taken a seat at his little table in the chair against the far wall so that he was facing the kitchen—his eyes never leaving Ana as she set about preparing tea. It was so odd that this was normal for him. He had spent the past five years being attended by a princess. How many times had he been immobilized here in this very room and forced to sit back and watch her dance around his tiny house? He had watched her back since she was a teenager turned into the beautiful young woman she was today, but what had never changed was that she always put his needs first. It was honestly so surreal and he oftentimes found himself forgetting that she was royalty. She was “Just Ana” to him after all.
”Ana.”
How long had he sat in silence just watching her? She was standing at the kitchen window now, staring out towards the sea but couldn’t seem to hear him. Baelley knew what she was looking for, or rather who she was looking for, but the kettle sounded like it was nearing a boil so he tried again a little louder, ”Ana!”
Still nothing so he had to pull an old trick out of his sleeve, ”Your Highness...” That got her attention and he couldn’t hide his smile as she turned towards him to address his teasing only Baelley cut her off as he pointed behind her, ”The water is ready.” This comfortable atmosphere only existed when it was just the two of them. Under no other circumstance would he have teased her so, or pointed out work for her to do, not even when he had been completely paralyzed at her mercy. But when they were alone it was like all hierarchy vanished and he was allowed to just be himself—she could be herself—they could just be in love.

They sat together for a while, just talking and enjoying this time they had to themselves. It hadn’t taken long for the diluted poppy tea she made him to begin to kick in, its anti inflammatory properties making short work of the pain in his knee. He was lucky that they had caught it so early on. During bad flare ups the tea would have done little, better replaced with heavy drugs that would knock him out for some time. But presently the tea would do; icing it may have worked as well but that would have been quite a journey for Ana to procure some.

There was no denying how distracted Ana had been all day, but it especially showed now as she kept glancing away from him and out the window. The prince was expected back any day now and Ana shared a bond with her brother that Baelley had never seen in siblings before. For instance with his own brothers he had always felt this distance from them. He was the youngest, but even as children they weren’t close, not like Ana was with Prince Ellison—Ellis. He never sought them out to talk through his troubles, he never told him any of his secrets. His brothers served as his expectations and goals to live up to; even more so once his brother died and Baelley found himself having to take up everything in his place. Family was a tricky subject for him, but it warmed his heart seeing how much Ana cared for her brother.

Baelley had just set down his cup, his eyes trained on Ana who in turn had hers out the window. But at the sound of a distant bell ringing out he followed her gaze out to the water where he was able to see a ship now. It was still fairly far out, it would take a while still to dock but it was just close enough to make out two flags in the wind: one featuring the colors of Eliressi and a second one with the crown’s insignia. It was the prince’s ship. Ana immediately lit up but Baelley could sense her hesitation from across the table and he reached his hand out asking for hers, ”Go to him,” she stood now to move around the table and stand before him but Baelley never released her hand. He’d be alright. He always was. And Ana had been waiting so long for her brother’s return. Who was he to keep her from him? ”Go,” he repeated softly now with a quick kiss farewell to the back of her hand.​

 

[JINFINITE]

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”Your Highness please, I beg of you, don’t do this.” The pleas were heard though stubbornly ignored as his bare toes gripped at the wooden rail beneath them. His hand grasped a rope for balance, leaning forward as though testing fate. It was quite a drop should he fall off the railing he now precariously stood upon, ”Come down from there, it does not have to be this way, we are so close to home.” But the prince of Eliressi’s mind was made, in this moment he cared for nothing else in the world. His heart raced with nervous anticipation at what he was about to do but he could not be swayed nor forcibly removed as he swatted at a hand that tried to reach out to him. No, he had to do this, he couldn’t live like this any longer.

To an outsider this all must look as though the man were trying to talk the prince off a ledge, a literal ledge—to stop him from taking his own life. And in a sense that was true. He could in fact die as Ellis was weak against the ocean and would fall under a spell should he make contact. But he needed the relief that would come with it. It was tearing at his very soul being so close to the water yet unable to enter. It was what he yearned for most of all, but also where he was forbidden to go. “Forbidden” being loosely used here. No one but his uncle could truly forbid him from the ocean, but all his life he had been kept from it and warned against it. He knew very well how sick it made him, but time after time he gave in to this bittersweet addiction—he could not control himself. Such as now, unable to be stopped by words alone, Ellis turned over his shoulder to face his most if not only trusted advisor with a huge smile from ear to ear, ”Just a dip~”

He then without another moment’s hesitation turned back towards the sea and with a large inhale, dove rather gracefully off the ship’s railing. The water was cold, not unbearably so, just beyond what his body had been prepared for. It was refreshing and Ellis felt an instant sense of calm and purpose fill his previously restless heart. This was where he truly belonged. This was more home to him than Eliressi—or at least that’s what the instincts in his heart told him. Ellis surfaced to take a breath before diving back down under the surface to literally immerse himself in arguably his greatest pleasure.

It felt so freeing to have his hair flowing through the water as his arms pushed him forward and legs kicked behind. He had used all his self restraint over the duration of this voyage. He was unable to fight his very essence any longer; so here he was, swimming at last. No man could stop him now. No man…

What happened next would haunt him relentlessly in the days to come. A pair of inhuman eyes had appeared in front of him on the face of what appeared to be a girl. For just a slight second he worried for her. Where had she come from? Was there another ship? Had she fallen into the water? But no, his worry was over almost before it began. This was no girl. Sure she looked like one at first glance...but Ellis quickly took notice of how strange her features were. His eyes trailed down her body knowing very well that he should be averting his eyes to give her respect and decency, but Ellis found he couldn’t look away as the lower his eyes went the more questions he had until he finally caught sight of a tail. But it was not just any tail, this was a fin—a siren! His eyes shot back up to hers so fast he almost lost the breath he was holding. He should have been trembling with fear and swimming away but instead he was entranced and found he could not look away. If anything he was drawn towards her—and even more so upon hearing an angelically hypnotizing sound. It seemed to be coming from her directly, and was eerily clear when normally sound was muffled underwater.

This feeling was indescribable but he suddenly felt so weightless in such a way that not even the sea granted him. He had never felt something so incredible in all the twenty something years of his life. He had felt great pain and desperation when locked on land. He had felt great healing and comfort when at his sister’s side. But this sound brought him such an overwhelming sense of love and happiness that he suddenly felt he would not be able to live without this feeling.

But just as quickly as she had appeared she now left, seemingly frightened by something like a skittish wild animal. Almost immediately he could physically feel the loss of her presence and it weighed him down deeper below momentarily until his lungs screamed for him to surface. He gasped for air as he threw his head back so his wet hair flew from his face. His advisor was calling for his attention but Ellis just stared off in the direction he had assumed the girl—the siren had gone.

When they got him aboard he was stuttering through his story starting with, ”You will n-never believe w-what I just-t saw,” and going on to describe the creature of the sea he had seen. But sure enough no one believed him, “Those are purely myth, bedtime stories for young children my lord.“
His advisor tried to imply that Ellis was no longer a young child and therefore should not be entertaining such ideas.

Ellis himself was shivering now, though not entirely from the cold. He had a blanket wrapped around his shirtless form, his hair dripping wet to the ship’s deck he now stood on, ”N-no I—“
”...your highness?”
Ellis’ mind was spinning trying to make sense of it all but it was so hard to think clearly when his heart pounded so loudly in his ears. His hand went to his forehead as that sound—no, that song infiltrated his thoughts. It was such an odd sensation. He could feel her song in his mind but he could not recall a single thing about it. Like waking up from a dream and by the time you realize what happened you’ve forgotten it. This feeling was building such a frustration within him and with it brought the pain in his heart up into his head.
”My Prince, please, let us go below deck to get you dry and warm.”
Much like before though Ellis waved off the words of advice as he walked back towards the railing. He wished to see the water, maybe the girl would still be there, maybe—”Your highness!!”

His body had lost the fight at last; his eyes rolled back into his head and his legs crumpled beneath him as Ellis succumbed to his illness. There was really no way of telling when he would lose consciousness after his encounter with the ocean. Sometimes it would not affect him for hours after, sometimes he would pass out while in the water itself, but it had a tendency to strike most often within minutes of leaving the water as it had now. Ellis’ body hit the hard wooden deck with nothing to break his fall but it only took a second for his men to rush to his side. His advisor was one of them and gently lifted his prince’s head wanting to ensure he had not sustained any injuries during his fall before ordering that he be taken below to his quarters.

This was unfortunately such a common occurrence for them all that outside of Ellis’ immediate possible injuries from the fall, there was little concern shared for him. That’s not to say that no one was worried about their unconscious prince, just that this was normal to them and they all knew what to expect. They would take him to his bed and leave him to rest and he likely would not stir again for many hours if at all. It was possible he would remain asleep for the last leg of their journey home and have to be carried off the ship and up to the castle. As such no one attended his bedside as no one expected him to wake.

And they weren’t wrong, he didn’t wake—not technically at least. While Ellis’ mind was out cold, his body was less fortunate and wracked with unrest as the unnatural turmoil within him grew stronger the longer he lay. Combined forces were calling him from his bed with such a strength that they reached him even in the depths of his unconsciousness. The sea had had a taste of its missing piece, entwined with his heart, and it wanted it back. While his mind was so heavily intoxicated by the siren’s song that despite his sleeping state he was drawn out towards a whisper in his imagination.

These two forces were what led his temporarily mindless body to rise from his bed, his sleepwalking going unnoticed by the crew who had opted to not leave him an attendant nor guard. Ellis did not wake as he shuffled right up to the railing. He did not wake as he fell through the air nor when he smacked painfully into the cold sea below. But as he floated in his vulnerable state the clouds overhead grew dark and the waters rough. When his eyes did finally flash open it was just before a wave crashed down atop his head. When he came back up there was only the time to half fill his lungs before an even stronger wave washed over and he got sucked underneath and into a current deep below. Ellis was a strong swimmer and could hold his breath for minutes at a time, but the water just kept thrashing him around and giving him no chance to make a break for the surface. He fought hard to keep what air he had in his lungs but his heart was throbbing painfully in his chest. There! He could just barely make out a light from up in the sky above and kicked desperately towards it as quickly as he could, but Ellis’ body could not hold out any longer. It wasn’t the lack of oxygen, or swallowing too much salt water—Ellis’ heart had overloaded, causing him to faint again and he immediately went limp in the water and began to sink like a rock.

When Ellis’ eyes next fluttered open it was for the briefest of seconds, and he would forever question whether the memory was real or a trick of his mind, but he would later swear he had seen the siren gazing down at him. But his drowned condition left him unable to breathe, his momentary flash of consciousness merely an involuntary reaction. When he did breathe again it was by a sharp and painful gasp before coughing up a fair amount of seawater as one of the men turned him to his side while he expelled all that he had swallowed. He couldn’t tell which hurt more, the burning of his lungs or the soreness of his sternum from having the life forced back into him.

The rest of the journey he was attended around the clock though he slept through most of it, no one dared to be the one to lose the prince again on their watch. Ellis’ body was completely spent of energy and unable to stay awake for long but as the Kingdom of Eliressi appeared in the captain’s scope word was sent below deck for the prince to be roused—or at least for some one to attempt to and access his current state. As it turned out Ellis was able to wake now though the exhaustion was still clear in the way he held himself. There was only one thing that could cure him now and that would be to be reunited with his younger sister as soon as they made port.

”Come my little lady, your new master awaits,” as Ellis spoke he was scooping up the small spaniel puppy off the floor and brought her up to his eye level, smiling as she reached out to lick at his face. Once they were closer he moved her into a large box which was handed off to another to carry as he hardly had the strength to at the moment.

He was a little shaky and unbalanced once he stepped foot on the dock, it could be blamed on having been at sea for so long and that he’d find his land legs soon. Only when it came to Ellis it was more often than not a sign that he was having or had recently experienced an episode. The latter was true in this case and he knew that his sister would see right through him but he still put on his best face when he spotted her hurrying down the dock towards him. He was genuinely happy to see her, his smile true to his heart and only forced in that he hardly had the strength to keep it.

”My dearest sister~” The moment her arms wrapped around him he just about melted under her touch. The unease and anxiety that had filled his heart suddenly felt like nothing. Ana brought a calm to his internal storm and right now standing here with her in his arms his heart and mind were finally quiet and at peace for the first time since he jumped into the ocean with intent of a quick harmless swim.

They were left alone for a short while, the world bustling around them as supplies and luggage were carried from the ship to be shuttled up to the castle. This gave Ellis time to truly relish in his reunion with his younger sister and to absorb her healing aura enough to make the trek up to his room.

He then saw a man some paces away carrying the puppy box and Ellis excused himself from his sister’s side, asking her to wait there for him. As he returned to her with the box in his unsteady hands he watched as she turned away from a conversation with two sailors and settled her eyes on his approach. He knew that look well, she must have caught wind of his back to back bouts of “seasickness” and was now caught somewhere between worrying for him and being upset at him. She had plenty to say once he was within earshot and Ellis let her speak her mind for a minute but the box was growing heavy in his weakened state; the shaking made worse by the puppy moving about inside. Ellis braved to speak when she stopped to catch her breath and in that moment he uttered only his sister’s name before slowly pulling back the lid of the box to reveal the little puppy, a large ribbon tied around her neck like the perfect present she was.​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

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There was a knock on the door that silenced the ladies in waiting; every one of them turned their heads to watch the closed door. Princess Analisa of Eliressi (affectionately known as Princess Ana to many) watched the door from the large mirror in front of her. “Yes?” she called out. Soon after, the door opened and her personal messenger entered with a deep bow. Her heart raced in anticipation, but she hid her true feelings well with a blink and a calm and serene expression.

“Please wait a moment while my ladies finish,” Ana instructed then looked at her ladies in waiting one by one through the mirror. She nodded for all of them to continue. Without a moment’s hesitation, they returned to their duty of preparing the princess for her day.

Today’s look was strangely simple for the likes of the princess of Eliressi, but not at all uncommon. Typically, Ana’s simpler looks meant that she intended to spend time out in the village with the people. Her gowns were still extravagant naturally - typically bright colors in contrast to the general neutral tones of the common folk - but the light cotton fabric and the overall freedom of the shape meant she could move comfortably among her people without worrying about constrictions. These dresses also caused less of a heart attack among her ladies in waiting whenever sand clung to the hem after a day at the beach. Along with her dress, Ana’s hair was styled in its usual half-up do held in place with her favorite shell hair clip; the shell was her brother’s attempt at a gift for her during her christening, but was later fixed to a hair clip. As always, her hair hung down her back in gentle curls.

As her ladies in waiting made the finishing touches to her appearance, Ana watched from her peripheral as one of her ladies reached into her jewelry box for her most prized and beloved possession, a gold oval pendant with the family crest below the ocean waves. The sight of the pendant caused Ana to sit up straighter in her chair. She once again kept her eyes fixated on her reflection in the mirror, watching closely as her lady in waiting held the pendant over her head for a second then lowered it to rest against her lower neckline. As the weight shifted around her neck, Ana exhaled. The pendant was back where it belonged.

Finally, Ana was ready to begin her day. As her ladies in waiting took two dutiful steps back to give her well respected space, she observed their handiwork in the mirror then offered all of them a nod and a bright smile. As always, they did a spectacular job.

Ana stood up from her chair and turned to look at her ladies. “Thank you, ladies. Please give me a private moment,” she instructed. She watched her ladies curtsy then file out of her bedroom in a single file line. It wasn’t until the door closed behind them that she once again returned her attention to her messenger.

Ana has considered Robert her personal messenger for the last five years. He is her most trusted messenger. If she ever had any private messages that must be sent out with the utmost secrecy, he was the one she called upon. This especially applied when it involved a specific ex-naval lieutenant now blacksmith in her kingdom.

Speaking of which….

“Did he receive my message?” Ana asked eagerly. Even after all these years, the anticipation to hear Bae’s response to her messages made her fidgety. It always took much of her self-restraint to fight back her nervous habits.

Robert offered her a reassuring smile as he bowed his head respectfully. “He did, Your Highness. He wishes for me to relay his response that he would be honored to receive you after noon.” Ana was practically beaming at this point. Oh, how she wished the morning could fly by quickly today.

Passersby in the halls paused to pay their respects to Ana, offering a bow or a curtsy. Each one greeted her a good morning with the hope that she rested well the night before. Had this been any other morning, the well wishes simply could have been their way of greeting Ana. However, this was not any other morning. Everyone in the royal court knew what today was for the princess. It had been weeks since their crown prince set off on his voyage. Her dear brother was scheduled to return this afternoon and Ana always worried. She was happy too, of course. But it was not a secret among the royal family how being at sea for this long affected Ellis. Just the very thought of the worst case scenario caused Ana such heartbreak. Please be okay…

For the rest of her morning, Ana did the rounds across the palace. She greeted many members of the court, made small talk with some of the lords and ladies, and shared a laugh with the sons of said lords and ladies that called for her attention. A typical day in court. It was all she could do to not fuss over her impatience to see her love after he finished his work or her anxiety for her brother’s return.

The distraction of the court worked well for Ana. Having her attention constantly directed from one person in court to the next busied her enough that she rarely looked at the time. This was great. Before she knew it, she would need to excuse herself to go to– “Good morning, Your highness!”

Ana sucked in a sharp breath and her body tensed. It took a couple seconds to regain her composure. After a quick exhale and a glance at her ladies in waiting, Ana turned on her heel to face her: Lady Charlotte.

“Good morning, Lady Charlotte. I trust you are well?” Ana asked, offering the girl her most practiced “genuine” smile.

Lady Charlotte offered her a smile in return, but the subtle twitch at the corner of her glossed lip gave away her failed attempt at genuine delight to be in the princess’ presence. Ana’s own smile widened with satisfaction. “I am, thank you,” Lady Charlotte said with a small curtsy. “I must say, that is a lovely dress you are wearing today, Your Highness. Yellow is very becoming on you.” If Ana had not been trained any better, she would have scoffed at the subpar performance of sincerity. She could practically hear the contempt in her voice. In comparison to the well-fitted deep red gown Lady Charlotte wore today - that painfully accentuated her bosom more than it already did on its own - Ana’s bright sunflower yellow dress was like a dishrag to the rest of the ladies in court. More specifically, to the die hard members of the notorious “Prince Ellis Fan Club.”

Obvious contempt and smugness aside, Ana’s smile never faltered. “You are too kind, Lady Charlotte. It is a favorite of the prince, as yellow is his absolute favorite color. I thought it fitting to wear it today to commemorate his return. I am sure he will be very thrilled to see me wear it when I welcome him home. I bet he will never take his eyes off me the moment he sees me!” And there it was. A sense of pride swelled up in Ana watching that smile get wiped right off Lady Charlotte’s face.

It did not matter in the slightest that gossip in court had Lady Charlotte as the top contender as Ellis’ intended, everyone but Charlotte and the fan club knew that the crown prince would always see Ana first. Their lifelong bond was beyond explanation. It was life itself. Nothing and no one could ever get in the way of that.

“Well, serves her right,” suddenly came a familiar voice beside her. Ana watched Lady Charlotte walk away in a huff with her posse following behind her. Once they were out of earshot, Ana dismissed their very existence to focus on her best friend in court that wasn’t her brother; Lady Jayde. As always, her strong willed, sharp tongued friend had her signature smirk on her full lips. “Did the Lady Harlot really think that perking up her giant melons would appeal to your brother? What brothel did she go to to learn such a craft?” Ana stood there speechless with her jaw slightly dropped in shocked, but amused amazement. Behind them, her ladies in waiting - save for a couple that were suspected to be a part of the fan club - tried their absolute best to stifle their giggles.

“Care for some company, Your Highness, before you leave for the village?” Ana smiled then gazed over at the nearest clock. Just one more hour to go.

When Ana left the palace one hour later, she rode alone in the carriage. She dismissed her ladies in waiting for the rest of the afternoon. They would not be needed where she was going. None of them insisted on joining her, thankfully. And after two years, they learned not to insist unless they were asked to come along. Not many knew exactly why Ana did this, but some of the brighter ones had their suspicions.

Ana’s heart fluttered at the sight of her handsome lieutenant. No, her handsome blacksmith. Baelley was no longer a lieutenant, not since the attack on his ship five years ago that left his bedridden in Eliressi’s hospital for three years after. His battle with paralysis turned him away from his old naval life. And with that, kept him here in Eliressi, with her. Ana knew that she could never repay him for the sacrifice he made that day and for the days to come; to leave his old life and his family without looking back. But she hoped that from now on she made him believe that the decision was all worth it in the end.

As the two walked arm in arm back to his house, Ana closely observed Baelley to make sure he was okay. His work was so demanding on his body and she wanted to make sure today’s workload didn’t affect him too much. She didn’t want to baby him, he didn’t need it. But every so often, she would notice his arm tense suddenly or that their steps slowed for a moment. She just wanted to be ready for whenever he needed to rest or needed help. And when his knee suddenly started acting up making it difficult for him to walk for some time, she was glad for her vigilance. Since they caught his discomfort early on, they could get him back to his house before it got worse.

Ana felt a sense of relief once they entered Baelley’s tiny home. Over the last couple years, the house became one of her favorite spots in her entire kingdom. The simplicity of it was comforting. It may lack some of the more personal touches that weren’t her doing, but that was Baelley. Or at least, that is the Baelley she knew. He didn’t ask for much and was satisfied with what he got. He wasn’t a complicated man and being in his home, it showed. This was one of the reasons why Ana loved his home so much. Behind the closed doors, Ana didn’t have to worry about appearances or duties or smug daughters of lords and ladies. Here, she was “Just Ana”. And Baelley, her brave, handsome Baelley, was her “Bae”.

Together in this house, they didn’t need much so long as they had their love. And it showed as Bae finally tore down their public demeanor to lean into her. Her impatience to be near him wasted no time as she too moved closer to accept his kiss. A soft gasp escaped her as she melted into him. Her heart felt like it was singing in her chest, vibrating so melodically and making her feel like she could float away from pure bliss.

How she wished she could stay with him in his home forever.

“Your Highness…” Ana blinked a couple times. She stood at Bae’s kitchen feeling mildly confused as if she lost track of time or whatever task she was doing before. The last thing she recalled focusing on was Bae. Yes, he had to be the one that called out to her just now. But just as she turned away from the window looking to the sea to look at him, prepared to tell him off for not calling her by her name, he pointed out that the water was ready. The water? One look down at the near boiling kettle set her mind straight. Right, she was preparing tea for Bae.

The decision to brew Bae poppy tea turned out to be a good one. While he drank through it, they enjoyed more of their time together. Had this been any other day for them, Ana would savor every second of their private time. But it didn’t take long before the princess once again found her gaze traveling to the clock hanging above the fireplace. And then toward the window looking out into the Eliressi sea. The days may be longer now in their kingdom with the change of the seasons, but that didn’t fool Ana. Her brother was an hour late and his ship was nowhere to be seen.

Bae caught her distracted plenty of times as they sat together. Ana apologized each time, but no matter what she did, his voice would eventually slip away as she stared out the window hoping and praying to see Ellis’ ship appear. The more she spent looking out at sea, the more nervous she grew.

The weight of her worry was beginning to push down on her when she suddenly heard the bells outside. Almost instantly, that worry disappeared and she looked out the window once again. This time relief and joy read all over her face. Finally! Her big brother came back to her. Her big brother was home.

But she couldn’t just excuse herself to meet Ellis. As important as seeing her brother was to her this very moment, he wasn’t the only important man in her life. It wasn’t fair to Bae. She waited impatiently all morning for the chance to see him, and yet the moment they are together she spends much of it wondering why her brother was now close to two hours late. It just wasn’t fair to him.

The hesitation must have been obvious to Bae as he told her that she could go to her brother. What did she do to deserve someone as understanding as the man in front of her? “I promise to come see you as soon as my brother is settled in, Darling,” she told him. She squeezed his hand one last time before letting it go to walk to the door. With one last look at her love, she left the house to make her way to the port.

The walk from Bae’s house to the docks was not a long one. If she wanted to, she simply needed to take the path along the beach to reach the docks. However, she could not do simply; an oversight on her part, she must admit. Had she thought out her day carefully, she would have told her coachman to meet her at the docks instead of waiting for her in town where Bae’s workshop was located. Her excitement to see him earlier was the reason she overlooked the thought. Luckily, despite the extra time she needed to take to walk back into town, she still technically had time before her brother’s ship arrived. No need to run and ruin her appearance.

By the time her carriage pulled up at the entrance of the docks, members of the royal court and the royal staff were already present and waiting. The only ones missing were some of the higher ranking advisors and her uncle. To be expected, really. Until Ellis takes the throne, the kingdom still needed to be run and her uncle was the one currently in charge of that and Regent.

The royal guard caught sight of Ana’s carriage pulling up and immediately called for everyone in attendance to make room for her arrival. Everyone looked away from the fast approaching ship to watch as Ana was assisted out of her carriage. Her ladies in waiting quickly took their places a few steps behind her. One of her ladies had a matching sunflower yellow shawl in hand. The sun was still out, but now that it was starting to set it would get colder. Ana didn’t want her shawl just yet as it would get in the way of her happy reunion.

The crowd parted out of Ana’s way as she approached the front. She took her place front and center as she was always the first one to greet her brother. Take that, fan club. She could have sworn she heard Charlotte 2 - her real name was actually Lady Charise, but was dubbed Charlotte 2 behind her back when she and Lady Charlotte met - huff in protest. The girl has been a member of court for about three years now. One would think that she learned her place by now. Poor thing still deluded herself thinking she actually had a chance at her brother’s hand.

After waiting impatiently for what felt like ages, Ana watched with forced restraint as Ellis’ ship was approached by the dock workers. They worked with the ship’s crew to dock the ship successfully. Once the last rope was knotted in place, the crew filed out in a single file line carrying supplies. Ana craned her neck, looking closely at every man that walked off the ship.

It was her heart - not her eyes - that found him first. It has been this way for as long as she could remember. In fact, Ana’s earliest memory in life was finding Ellis walking towards the edge of the water as a toddler and crying out for him. She could never explain how this phenomenon was so. All she knew was that the moment her brother was nearby, her heart felt a longing pull in his general direction. It was almost like Ellis’ heart was calling to her own to find him. And find him she always did.

Every anxiety. Every worry. Every last ounce of her that feared the worst for her brother faded into oblivion the moment he stepped foot on the dock. At long last, Ana breathed the longest sigh of relief. He was home. He was safe.

Before she knew what she was doing, Ana was at a brisk jog down the dock. Her mind eventually caught up with their magnetic hearts the moment she leapt into his open, waiting arms. She wrapped her own tightly around his neck and would have lived her entire life not wanting to let go. Her heart once again felt as if it was singing in her chest. This time, however, it rang louder to the point that it was deafening. The beautiful song in her heart enveloped the siblings in their protective bubble with one goal in mind: to give her dear brother peace and protect him from anything that would dare cause him harm.

“I am so glad you’re home, big brother!” Ana breathed into Ellis’ shirt.

The world continued to move around them. No one dared interrupt the happy reunion between the royal siblings. Not even the fan club. Not even the advisors. The only ones that can interrupt the royal siblings are the royal siblings.

It was Ellis that pulled away from their embrace first as he instructed Ana to wait where she stood. She watched him, confused, as he walked over to one of the crew members carrying one of the brighter boxes that came off the ship. All it took was one close look at the box and the fact that it was Ellis asking for it that gave Ana the clue she needed. Obviously, it was a gift for her. That shifted her confusion to excitement.

Until…

“His Highness gave me a right fright when he jumped over the edge, he did. Was just about to go down below when I caught him standing over the starboard side. If the lamp wasn’t swinging the way it was, would never have seen him jump.” Ana immediately called for the attention of the two crewmen passing her. They both looked up at her with wide eyes and immediately dropped the things they were carrying to bow low. She asked the man that spoke to explain to her exactly what he meant about Ellis jumping overboard. The two men shared a look. There was a pause between the three of them as they appeared to weigh their options. But this was the princess that asked. There was only one option.

Their bubble popped as the anxiety and worry came back down on Ana like needles. After dismissing the two crewmen, Ana turned back to face Ellis. Now that their bubble was gone, she saw her brother clearly. The shaky steps, the quiver at the corners of his smile, the way he had to constantly adjust his hold on the box he was carrying. Their embrace earlier replayed in her head as she watched him approach, remembering suddenly the extra weight she felt.

“When were you going to tell me about your episodes, big brother?” Ana rebuked, her smile fading away into stern expression. She continued, practically scolding him for his carelessness at sea. They knew better than anyone in their entire world the severity of Ellis’ seasickness; his constant desire to be in the water, but suffering fainting spells if he stayed in for too long. They knew, better than anyone alive, what it meant if one of these episodes turned fatal. They knew that Ana would never be able to live without her big brother. And yet, Ellis did it again. He completely disregarded her own feelings for his selfish– “Ana…”

It wasn’t Ellis’ gentle voice that stopped her. Were she given her way, she would have kept going berating him for his carelessness. No, it was the sudden reminder that he was carrying the bright gift box this whole time. As he moved to remove the lid, whatever last words she was going to say slipped out of her mind as a surprised gasp escaped her lips.

Ana’s hands flew to her mouth. Her eyes widened as they stared at the most adorable spaniel puppy dangling her front paws out of the box while looking up at her. What hit home for Ana was the large ribbon tied so perfectly around her little neck.

“Oh, Eli!” she breathed, dropping her hands to rest against her cheeks. “She’s perfect!” She looked at her brother as if asking him if it was okay to take her. The smile she received was confirmation enough. With a giggle, Ana reached for the puppy and scooped her out of the box and into her welcoming arms. “Oh, what a little lady, she is!”

And just like that, all was well in their world again. At least for now. They both knew that once everything was right in their world Ana would have a round two of her lecturing.

Once everyone in attendance offered their welcome backs to the prince, Ana took Ellis’s hand with one of hers while the other continued to carry her new puppy. She led him to her carriage where the footman already had the door opened for them upon their approach.

The carriage ride back up to the palace was split between entertaining the puppy and Ana listening to Ellis talk about his voyage from the moment he left Eliressi weeks before. He was not even halfway through his story when the carriage stopped right in front of the palace. Looks like she would have to hear the rest of his story once they returned to his room.

As the crown prince, Ellis could not simply excuse himself the moment he returned to the palace. There were other members of the royal court that wanted to welcome him back and try to monopolize his time. Despite the exhaustion he must be feeling after his trip and the episodes, Ellis held himself like the prince he was until they finished greeting their uncle before his next meeting. From that moment, Ana wrapped a protective arm around her brother, welcoming him to lean on her as they returned to his room so he could rest.

Ana waited outside Ellis’ bedroom while his most trusted advisor and his personal stewards prepared him for bed. She also used this time to instruct the kitchen staff to prepare the prince his dinner and send it to his room. He would not be joining the rest of the court for the remainder of the evening.

When the doors finally opened and Ellis’ stewards filed out of his room, her brother’s advisor invited Ana inside before closing the door behind him. Finally, the royal siblings were alone. Ana gave her new puppy one last tender scratch atop her precious head then placed her down in the playpen she had one of her brother’s stewards prepare. The puppy looked up at her confused for a moment before skipping off to a small pile of what looked like toys.

“I instructed the kitchen staff to prepare your dinner. Eat something before you go to sleep, okay?” she told Ellis as she walked over to his bed. As she stood at his bedside, she watched him closely for a moment; to take him in. The same mixed feelings rose up looking at him. While she was beyond thrilled to see him, the worry she still felt made her hyper aware of just how much his two episodes the other night took a toll on him. She wanted nothing more than to climb into bed with her big brother and hold him until he fell asleep. Like she always did from the moment she was born.

Once Ellis finished his meal - Ana ended up joining him when it appeared that the kitchen staff prepared her dinner as well - she waited for her brother to make himself comfortable in bed before taking her usual stop sitting beside him at the edge of the bed. She helped plump a couple of his pillows to make him more comfortable, afterwards reaching over to brush a couple loose curls out of his face. Their bubble formed around them again as she continued to gently brush his hair through her fingers. Her heart once again felt like it was vibrating inside her, emitting a sense of calm between them. Had Ana been paying any attention to herself, she would have noticed the vibrations came out through her in the form of a hum so serene it mirrored the sounds of the crashing waves outside Ellis’ window. The song went unnoticed by Ana while she focused intently on making sure her brother felt peace.

Between the two episodes and Ana’s soothing bedtime routine, her brother was out in no time. His breathing came slow and steady. He was at peace, Ana knew it. She could feel it in her heart.

After carefully sliding off his bed, Ana walked over to the playpen to find that her precious puppy too had fallen asleep. She would not dare risk waking her. So while the two continued to sleep, Ana tiptoed out of Ellis’ bedroom to walk right across to the door opposite. Inside, her ladies in waiting were there with her nightgown ready for her.

She returned to Ellis’ bedroom to find the puppy awake and staring right at her. For the rest of the evening, Ana entertained the little lady with games that would eventually tire her out. With both the puppy and her brother fast asleep, Ana scooped the puppy into one arm carefully then carried the new dog bed over to Ellis’ bed. She laid the dog bed at the foot of the human bed then tucked the little puppy under a blanket. Then she returned to her place at Ellis’ side, siding under his blanket to lay next to him.

Through the light of the moon shining from his window, Ana watched Ellis sleep for an unknown amount of time. Her mind went over the events from earlier; from her happy reunion with her big brother to their dinner. She found herself, however, fixated on one specific memory; one specific story her brother told during dinner.

She recalled staring at Ellis, bewildered at how animated and enthused he was as he retold the last of his stories. It was the story explaining his two episodes. And Ana did not expect what she was told. She recalled being confused while her mind tried to be reasonable. As much as she wanted to believe all that her brother was telling her, she knew he was talking complete nonsense.

“Big brother,” Ana recalled telling Ellis, “It’s not possible you saw a siren at sea. They’re not real. And if they were, you know our kingdom’s history. If they were ever real, they’re gone now.”

As the last of her energy drained from her, Ana continued to gaze upon her sleeping brother. When her eyes started to feel too heavy to keep open, there was the briefest of moments when Ana’s eyes finally looked away from the most important person in her entire life to gaze out the window; wondering how her other most important person was doing tonight.

The next morning, Ana was woken up by what felt like a soft, warm ball pressing against her wrist. When she opened her eyes, she came face to face with the back end of her puppy currently in the process of licking Ellis’ face. “Oh, no no! Don’t do that, little lady! Let him sleep.” She quickly grabbed the puppy and carried her out of bed. As she slid out, she kept a close eye on her brother. Not that she needed to worry. Any stirrings that may have come from all these sudden movements this morning did not affect Ellis in the slightest. This only made Ana sigh deeply. He must have been really tired yesterday.

Much of her morning went as it usually did. Her ladies in waiting arrived at her bedroom at their usual time ready to help the princess get ready for the day. The only difference was that every so often, all of them would become distracted by whatever antics her new puppy was up to. She really was quite adorable. Her ladies in waiting completed their tasks a little over an hour later. Ana was once again dressed in one of her light cotton dresses so that she could return to the village today. Not only that, this specific dress was made specifically with the purpose of being allowed on the beach.

As it was a day of rest throughout Eliressi, Ana was not obligated to make her appearance in court unless she wanted to. In this instance, she didn’t. Now that Ellis was home and resting, she was confident that he would be fine without her when he woke up. Besides, if he woke up and found that she was not beside him, he most likely knew why.

“Ah, good morning, Your Highness,” greeted her brother’s advisor. As he offered her a low bow, she returned the gesture with a curtsy and a bright smile. The puppy resting comfortably in her arm stared with wide, curious puppy eyes. “Will you be heading into the village today?”

Ana nodded. “Yes, I want to take the little lady here to the beach. Now that she will be a part of the kingdom, it’s only fitting that her little paws touch sand for the first time. Don’t you think?”

Her brother’s advisor chuckled, but agreed wholeheartedly. He then bid her farewell with the explanation that he was going to prepare for when the prince woke up.

“Please make sure he wears a cloak if he decides to spend some time outside. I do not want him catching a cold right after his episodes.” The man accepted her instructions with another bow then watched as Ana excused herself to head to her carriage.

Ana instructed her coachman to drop her off at the end of the path leading to the docks from Bae’s house. After her footman assisted her out of the carriage, he leaned in to grab the basket she brought with her from the palace. Now carrying her puppy in one hand and the basket in the other, she left them with the final instruction not to wait up for her today and to return at sunset. This obviously left both men confused and concerned that their princess would want to spend so much time in the village, but neither dared argue against her. Before they took their leave, they offered her a bow then pulled back down the path to return to the palace. As they rounded the corner, Ana adjusted the puppy in her arm then turned on her heel to head up the path.

“Lieutenant Baelley?!” Ana called out from the front door of her love’s house. With her two hands full, she was unable to knock. When no response from inside came, she took a quick look around her to check if any villagers were around. Not surprising for a day of rest for the village, the streets were clear. So Ana felt confident to try another approach. “Bae! Darling, are you up?!”

A response came almost immediately. She heard Bae’s call out to her from inside, letting her know that he was coming. A moment later, the door opened and her love filled the entire door frame. He looked to have abandoned any effort to get dressed for the day. Not that Ana blamed him. Today was his day of rest after all.

When Bae cleared the way for her to enter, she wasted no time accepting the invitation. “Good morning, my love!” she greeted with a bright smile. Once the door was closed, she leaned up for a kiss.

“Before I explain the puppy,” she started, noticing Bae staring at the puppy in her arm, “I hope you’re hungry. I brought breakfast from the kitchens!”

After the table was set and the food taken out of the basket, Ana took a seat at her usual spot. “So this little one,” she finally started, raising the puppy up so that she was more eye level. “She was a gift from my brother from his trip. She unfortunately does not have a name yet? None of the ones I suggested yesterday gave much of a response from her. So far, my brother and I have been calling her little lady.” After giving Bae time to greet the little lady, Ana grabbed the dog bowl from the bottom of the basket and poured the food prepared specifically for the puppy. She placed the full bowl on the ground by her feet along with the puppy.

“You know,” Ana said after they spent a bit of time eating breakfast, “I received an article a while back from this doctor who has been studying animals for the use of rehabilitation. He theorizes that the presence of an animal - specifically a beloved pet - can assist with recovery. More specifically, alleviate pain.” She paused when Bae looked directly at her. “I did not really think much of it at the time, but now that the little lady has come into my life, I have reconsidered the thought. I wondered, maybe, if we could see if there is some merit to the article. Maybe after breakfast the three of us can go down to the beach; play in the sand for a while.” She looked at him closely, hopeful that he would be receptive to the idea. Would it be so bad to at least try something new if it meant relieving her Bae from any more pain? ​

 

[JINFINITE]

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The dock was too far off for him to see much of what was going on, but still Baelley watched the general hustle and bustle activity knowing that his dearest Ana was out there. He was happy for her, she had been patiently waiting for weeks for her brother’s return. But he was still sad to see her go, he always was—he always had been. He’d spent the first couple years after the attack watching her go while he was confined to a bed. He literally could only lay there and pray everyday that today would be the day she walked back through those doors. Now he had the freedom to move about but here he was again just watching her leave and waiting for her return. It wasn’t that Baelley harbored any ill feelings towards her brother the prince. Not in the slightest. He just hated the position he and Ana were in. This secrecy they had to abide by. It would ruin her should they be caught together romantically, and that thought crossed his mind at least twice a day. He could not disclose his feelings with any of his coworkers or the local tavern maids; while Ana could flit about and order her secrets kept, Bae was left defending them himself.

And defend them he did. After spending the rest of that afternoon napping and resting alone in his house, Baelley picked up his trusty cane and trekked out to the tavern to celebrate the end of a long week.
”Well, well, look who we have ‘ere. What’ll it be Lieutenant?”
He shot her a look as he crossed over to a chair to sit but she only smirked in response, ”When will you stop calling me that?”
”The usual then~” Kimberlee had come out from behind the bar now and set a filled glass on his table before circling behind him, her hands tracing across his shoulder blades before moving to take his coat and cane so he could sit. She leaned down to his ear once he did, her voice lowering to a level just between them as she spoke, ”And I shall stop when her highness does.”
And so the teasing began.

Baelley didn’t stay out too late, the poppy was still ever present in his system and as he drank he could feel himself growing drowsy until he had to tap out and call it a night. He paid his tab and left—or at least he intended too but he didn’t make it particularly far on his own. It wasn’t that he was too drunk to walk, but the drinks and the drowsiness from the poppy combined with his generally weakened body just overall made the task far more complicated than it was. In the end a boy he worked with Troye, his boss’ son who was about nineteen or so, ended up walking him back to his house.

There was once a time when Baelley could not get a wink of sleep without heavy medications or herbal concoctions. These days a hard day’s work; possibly accompanied by a drink or two with the other men, would knock him out fairly shortly after his head hit his pillow. It wasn’t often that he was kept up all night in pain anymore, but he still found himself reminiscing of those days. Not of the dreadful amounts of pain he suffered, but because those nights had been spent with Ana at his side doing all she could to make him comfortable. Her gentle healing touch trying to massage away all his pain until he at last found peace or was otherwise put to sleep by medical means.

Thankfully tonight he would have no such troubles. The end of his work week combined with his earlier brew of poppy tea and then his drinks from the tavern had him sleeping peacefully and undisturbed all through the night and into the morning until a voice at his door finally began to stir him from his sleep. At first he didn’t even realize he had heard anything and simply groaned as he rolled over and adjusted his position but Ana’s second attempts at calling him finally reached his ears. Baelley’s voice got caught in his throat for a moment causing him to cough as he pushed himself upright but he cleared it in no time and tried again, ”One moment!”

He had not been so drunk last night to wake up sick but there was still a heavy drained feeling that weighed down on him as he got out of bed and made his way across the tiny house towards his door. It would have been wise on his part to have maybe gotten dressed first but honestly the thought did not cross his mind once as he opened his door dressed only in his nightshirt. A situation which would have any other man red from embarrassment being caught by the princess in such improper attire. But his years spent paralyzed in the hospital were a blessing in disguise as neither were phased in the slightest at his appearance. She had fed, bathed, and clothed him already—there was nothing she did not know.

He had leaned into the doorway as he opened it, not so much that he physically needed it to stay up, more so he was just still waking up. His other arm held the door open and thankfully Ana was both awake and alert for the both of them and she quickly ducked under his arm to enter before anyone could witness their meeting. Once the door was shut his one arm remained leaning against the doorframe to support his tired body while his other gently lifted her chin into a slow kiss, prolonging the seconds for as long as he could. No, he wasn’t still drunk, though maybe a little intoxicated by his love for her and seeing her so early in the morning. Actually what time was it…? The sun looked to be well up in the sky now, he must have slept in a good deal. But before he could inquire as to the time he was instead rather rudely separated from his princess by a soft whining. What? He now noticed the tiny little thing in her arms but before he could fully process that there was a puppy in his house, Ana was instructing him to go take a seat so they could eat.

Thank heavens Ana had brought breakfast as Baelley was starving. While she went about setting the table, he moved over to his dresser to pull a clean pair of breeches out and tucked his shirt in thus turning it from nightshirt into day. Stockings and boots were both donned before he returned to sit across from her in his chair facing the kitchen. Admittedly it was hard to not immediately dig into the food as Ana began speaking of her new puppy and so he focused his eyes down to the little thing. She was so...small! Baelley was a little hesitant as he reached out to stroke the top of her head. It was not fear of the dog but rather of himself. The puppy was so small and fragile compared to his large and calloused working hands, but she brought a soft smile to his face as said fingers brushed against her soft puppy fur, ”Little lady indeed, we shall find her a suitable name.”
In that moment he was thankful that the little lady was a dog, it kept introductions short and sweet and without the small talk that would have followed after meeting a person. He was not antisocial, just hungry and the castle made breakfast laid out before him was such a mouthwatering tease he was not sure he could wait much longer. The food was everything he had needed and it hit just the right spot.

Rehabilitation

Recovery

Pain

He hadn’t thought much of it when Ana mentioned a doctor. She volunteered regularly in the hospital, it was not a strange topic for her to bring up. But those keywords had him slow his chewing to a stop until he finally looked up to meet her eyes head on while she explained this medical dog theory she had discovered. This wasn’t the first time she had come to him with experimental trials and treatments to try. It wasn’t even the second or third. While Baelley had long accepted his crippled fate, Ana remained ever determined to find a cure. A cure for what though? What was even wrong with him? Usually it was his knee that hurt, or a painful spasm in his back. But there other days he couldn’t lift his arm over his head, or properly hold a pen, and while scarce there were still days he could not even get out of bed. His entire body was broken and it was miracle enough that he could walk, why could she not give it a rest and accept what victory they had? But Baelley hadn’t the heart to ask that of her. He broke eye contact as he nodded quietly in agreement and took a last bite of breakfast to fill the silence while he searched for the words to give her.

In truth he did wish to walk the beach with her, and this little lady was awfully cute, it was just that Baelley failed to see the logic behind her theory. If animals had healing properties then wouldn’t his donkey at work have fixed him by now? Thinking back on it though, Ana had specified beloved pet, and as much as he cared for his little jenny back at the shop, she was no pet.

Baelley sat back in his seat so his own back rested on the back of the chair as he brushed his hands off on his pants, ”Well then, shall we?”
Despite his grayed thoughts, he couldn’t contain his smile as he looked back up at her. Even if he did not share the same high hopes for his recovery, he still very much so looked forward to each and every moment he got to share with with her. He would do anything to make her happy; when she was happy then he was happy.

He lost track of how far they wandered. It had been a while since he walked the beach alongside his Ana, and watching her little lady tumble over the foreign terrain brought back memories of when Ana had first brought him out to walk the sandy beach. It had been like learning how to walk all over again and he had lost his footing countless times. But at least falling on sand was a much softer landing than solid ground or cobblestone. Baelley had the upper hand compared to the little lady having already experienced the complexity of sand. He stood now tall, strong and on his own as Ana ran ahead after her new puppy who had not yet a proper name nor an understanding of the word “come”. She would learn in due time.

The puppy had turned from her master now and was happily bounding back towards where Baelley stood as though this were a game of chase. Baelley side stepped towards her and then bolted a few extra steps to cut her off before she could get any farther. That burst of speed did him over and sent him to the ground with sand flying as he lost his balance trying to out maneuver the little puppy. It was frustrating how his body just would not move the way he commanded it, but his efforts were not in vain as his hands closed around the little lady. He could hear the panicked worry in Ana’s voice as she rushed towards them asking if he was alright but Baelley did not offer much in terms of movement nor verbal response. He pushed himself upright to a sort of forced sitting position as Ana approached, her puppy now held close to his chest with one hand, ”...I’m alright…” She stopped just in front of him and Baelley held his hand up so as to stop her before she knelt, his gaze lifting to her face, ”Give me your hand?”

The chances of Ana being able to lift him were slim. Some years ago perhaps when he was slim and weak from bed rest, but not now with all the muscle he had put on. Still though she reached to take his hand with the true and honest intention of pulling him to his feet. Baelley only smirked as his hand tightened around hers and he pulled her forward so as to fall onto him. It was clear she had not been prepared for his pranks and he chuckled at her reaction. She was on his lap now with her legs forming a ‘w’ on either side of him beneath the skirt of her dress. He knew well it was a risky move but his heart raced in his chest both from the adrenaline of his fall and now being in such close proximity of his love. Baelley leaned forward to kiss her in a moment of bravery when he otherwise would not dare overstep his boundary outside of the safety of his house. When they parted he proceeded to pass her puppy over into her arms before allowing himself to fall back onto the sand rather than exerting the strength to continue to sit upright.

The laugh was still ever present in his smile as he stared up at her, his breath finally slowing from the panting that came from his quick movements. His body might not be as nimble as it used to be but the fall had not caused him any pain which he once again assured Ana, his hands holding her in place by her thighs, ”Trixie.”
Ana wasn’t followed his thought train so he expanded, ”Why not call her Trixie? She certainly is so.” He was mostly poking fun, the name was far from suitable for the little lady she was; a princess among dogs.

Baelley let out a sigh now as both his heart and lungs had returned to resting rate, he couldn’t take his eyes off her but there was one thing that had been bothering him since she first appeared at his door that morning, ”Your brother?” He wasn’t sure if it was his place to ask, she had told him before of times that she was cross with her brother the prince and so left his side. He couldn’t help but wonder now if it was similar, after all yesterday she had been so anxious to see Ellis but here she was on the beach with him rather than at her brother’s side, ”Does he not need you?”​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

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​

It has been a while since she and Bae last walked along the beach together like this. Walking arm in arm brought back memories of his rehabilitation once he was released from the hospital. How far he’s come from those slow, careful steps across the sand. Ana no longer needed to support much of his weight while he struggled to pick up his feet with each step. She was so proud of him. And she knew, deep down in her heart, that things were only going to get better for him. She knew, one day, that he would no longer need assistance to walk ever again. They just had to be patient and continue to have hope.

Ana’s attention was split between walking alongside her Bae and making sure the little lady didn’t stray too far. Twice already since they first stepped foot on the sand she needed to run after the curious puppy before she wandered too close to the water. The waves may not be as strong at this time, but against the tiny little thing she didn’t want to take her chances. Each time she ran off chasing the puppy, Bae would be right there watching and waiting. And each time she walked back to return to his side, she thought about how different he looked compared to a couple years ago. He really was a whole new man now.

“I think the little lady was born for Eliressi. She is just tickled by the beach,” Ana commented while she watched the puppy’s tail wag so frantically it kicked up sand. The little lady would indeed need a bath when they returned to the castle later.

There was so much distance between them and Bae’s home when Ana finally looked away from Bae and the little lady. They must have been walking for about an hour by now. A part of Ana wondered how Bae was doing. Did he need to rest? Would he be able to make the walk back to his house from here? Should they turn back? But before she could speak, a small figure caught her attention. In the time she spent internally fussing over Bae, her little lady strayed too far from them once again thus resulting in Ana needing to leave her love behind to chase after her before she went too far.

Everything that happened after moved in slow motion for Ana. Just as she was about to grab the puppy, she suddenly turned back and hopped across the sand back in Bae’s direction. For a split second, Ana lost her footing at the sudden change in direction. As she turned to try and keep up with the puppy, now some yards away from her, her shoe dug deep into the sand that she nearly fell forward trying to lift it up. Her other foot not stuck in the sand tried its best to compensate from the sudden shift in balance, but it was too late. Ana winced as she slowly pulled her foot out of the sand then carefully placed it back down. But before she could worry about her ankle, she heard a low grunt in front of her. Her eyes widened with fear and worry.

“Bae!” she cried, hiking her skirt above her ankles in an attempt to run faster back to him. Her heart raced so loud in her ears she completely forgot that just a moment ago there was pain in her ankle. All that mattered was that she needed to return to Bae’s side for fear that his fall might have hurt him. “Bae! My darling, are you alright?” she asked, worry heavily in her voice.

Her heart’s heavy pounding was now so loud in her ears that it distracted her from focusing on her surroundings. Or, anything really. One moment she was standing above Bae praying that the fall didn’t cause more damage than she was imagining. The next, she too was down on the sand, sitting on his lap with enough time to process their sweet kiss. It was after that moment that the world around Ana melted away. All that was left now was this perfect little bubble she and Bae have inflated over the past couple years. Eliressi and all its people both royal and common vanished. Duty and honor melted away. All pain no longer existed. Nothing could break their perfect little bubble world where it was just them and the beating of their hearts as it coursed love through their veins. Ana selfishly wanted this moment to last forever.

But a high pitched yelp burst their love bubble and Ana reluctantly allowed Bae to pull away as he handed the puppy over to her. Now that the world around them returned to clear view and her heart slowed, the pain from her ankle earlier was completely gone now. Strange. She was certain her sharp turn had twisted her ankle. And yet, she couldn’t even remember the pain. It was like a distant memory. With that distant memory followed the ever present feeling like she had a tune stuck in her head that she just could not recall. However, now was not the time to think about tunes that were forever right at the tip of her tongue.

While her little lady wiggled in her arms, Ana watched Bae carefully for any of the common signs she’s learned to look out for to indicate that he was in any pain. So far, he showed no signs. And while she wanted to be hopeful that his fall hadn’t been damaging, she didn’t want to speak too soon. Even if she tried to move to better check his condition, Bae wouldn’t let her with his hands so firmly on her thighs. For now, while she waited for her puppy and her lover to calm down from all the excitement, she patiently watched his chest rise and fall until he took one final calming breath.

Ana silently pondered over Bae’s question about Ellis. Although he knew some things about her relationship with her big brother that not many others do, disclosing the true reason why she was here on the beach with Bae instead of beside Ellis was something she was not ready to entrust to him. Not that she didn’t trust Bae. She did. But her brother’s condition is a secret that has been kept from the public her entire life. She couldn’t betray Ellis like that. And she wouldn’t.

“Ellis will be fine without me for now. He is likely going to spend much of today resting from his long voyage,” she finally explained. “Luckily, we are not obligated to socialize with the court today. In which case, I would prefer to spend my precious time with the one that is most precious to me.” She smiled brightly down at Bae, reaching a hand to him to caress his cheek. It felt so warm against her skin.

With some patience and careful maneuvering, Ana helped Bae onto his feet. She closely examined him for any signs of injury, asking the same list of questions he’s heard and had to answer truthfully for the past five years. Based on his answers and the handful of various stretches she’s been taught to perform on him, she concluded that he was indeed fine like he said earlier. There really was no harm in double checking.

After all that excitement, they agreed to return to Bae’s house to rest and have lunch. As they walked back in the direction of the village, Ana watched Bae’s steps closely. At the first sign of exhaustion, she wanted to be ready to lend him a hand. But for the most part, save for a couple occasions when they needed to stop due to his knee, he didn’t need her help.

“I brought a fresh loaf from the kitchens,” Ana explained once they were back in Bae’s house. “You go on and wash off the sand. I will prepare a few slices and heat up the remaining food from breakfast this morning.” She only allowed him to shoot her a protesting look before she once again shooed him off to his bathroom to wash up and change.

Ana had much to do to keep herself occupied while Bae was in the bathroom. Firstly, she had to attend to the puppy still in her arms. About halfway into the walk back to the house, the little lady suddenly rested all of her weight in Ana’s arms until she eventually fell fast asleep. The trip to the beach had done its job of tuckering out the precious little thing. And she still remained asleep when they returned to the house. It was lucky that Ana managed to find a large pillow upstairs in the spare room. The little lady can sleep on that for as long as she pleases. The sand would be another issue for when they returned to the castle.

There was not much she could do about her own situation. She tried her best to dust off any sand that clung to her dress before they returned to Bae’s house. But it was the most unfortunate truth that sand would always find a way to get everywhere. Once she left her puppy alone to sleep off the day, she desperately needed to remove her shoes to shake off all the sand that came in with her before it littered Bae’s floor. After washing her hands in the basin found in Bae’s kitchen, she considered the possibility of leaving some of her last season clothes in the spare room for situations like these. At least then she wouldn’t have to worry about leaving sand everywhere with every careful move she made.

“Are you feeling better, Darling?” she asked when she heard the bathroom door open. She just finished placing their light lunch on the small table. “Come, eat while the food is still warm. You must be starving after our little beach trip.”

Just like breakfast that morning, the two started lunch eating in silence. Ana wanted to give Bae this time to enjoy their simple meal before they dive deep into conversation. Of course, their meal wasn’t entirely in silence. Halfway through, she made a light comment about how the little lady must have been all tuckered out from playing at the beach. The puppy only woke up once since she fell asleep, and it was to observe the new smells coming from the kitchen before going back to sleep.

“Bae?” Ana started slowly after pouring him another cup of tea. “My uncle will be hosting a Welcome Home party for my brother in three days. I would love it if you could attend; be my escort for the night? I predict my brother’s little fan club will insist on taking up much of his attention the whole night. Having you there at my side seems much more enjoyable than waiting alone for Ellis’ cue to save him.” She watched him, hopeful. It has been so long since he last attended a party at the palace now that work constantly pulled him away. “It will begin in the evening. It should not get in the way of work, I promise.”

Did Ana expect Bae to say no? Not exactly. She knew, deep down, that he had a difficult time saying no to her whenever she asked him for something or to do something. He would need a real good reason to ever say no to her. That, of course, did not stop her from worrying that this moment would be the first time. She would understand, if he did. But she also selfishly hoped that this would be yet another moment when he wouldn’t.

Her heart felt like it was fluttering in her chest when he agreed to attend. Pure excitement consumed her and she suddenly went on a long tangent about what he should wear. Over the years, she’s ordered plenty of tailored suits for him whenever he was invited to parties in the palace. After five years, she was proud to say that she knew his exact measurements by heart. Ana was practically talking Bae’s ear off about which of his suits he should wear for Ellis’ Welcome Home party later that week. This tangent went without once telling Bae what she would be wearing. She would never dare spoil that surprise for him. He just needed to trust her that whatever suit she chose for him to wear would compliment her dress well.

“Perhaps I should send it off to be tailored. What do you think?” Ana asked, walking back to the table now holding the suit she decided he would wear to the dinner party. “It has been so long since you last wore this. It is likely that you have toned up so much since then…” Ana paused and looked at Bae closely. “Could you please try on the jacket for me? I just want to make sure.”

As she laid his suit out on his bed, Ana was momentarily distracted by a weird sound coming from the table. She looked up to find a pained look on Bae’s face. Worry instantly flashed on her own. “Darling?” she called out, dropping the jacket onto the bed to approach him. “Are you feeling any pain?” She urged him to sit back down on the chair while watching his knee carefully. “That knee has been bothering you lately. Did that fall earlier make it worse?”

Some time later, Ana assisted Bae to his bed. This, however, was a bit of a challenge now that the little lady was wide awake and very curious about all the commotion. A couple times she needed to pull away from Bae so that she could divert the puppy’s attention away from them long enough to keep a clear path to the bed. Once he was seated on the edge of the bed, Ana moved his suit back where she found it. She would worry about how it fit on him later. On her way back to him, she grabbed the chair from the table to move it to his bedside. They spent a good amount of time slowly getting through a few exercises for his knee. By now, even if they were no longer doing physical therapy, they were familiar with all the exercises and knew exactly what to do to get satisfactory results.

“Does that feel better?” she asked while carefully placing his leg down. She sighed, reaching a hand to Bae to brush comfortingly through his hair. It was times like these that she always forgot completely who she was, this princess of a small kingdom. Her title and her schooling were of little use to her when her love was in such pain. For years, she was aware that all this medical knowledge she’s acquired should not have been given to her in the first place. It was not her place nor her duty to play nurse. But she didn’t care. If there was anything being the Princess of Eliressi allowed her, it was the privilege to do whatever she pleases whether the royal court or the royal advisors liked it or not. Without all the knowledge she knew now, she would be of little use to her Bae during times like these.

“Lie down. Let me massage your back,” Ana told him now in a soft voice. While Bae did as he was told, she walked over to his medicine drawer to grab the bottle of oil given to her by one of the nurses from the hospital on the day he was discharged. The puppy was once again curious about all that was happening, following Ana around the small house until she was presented with a bowl of food just for her. This should give Ana enough time to give Bae his massage without disruption.

Ana inhaled deeply as she slowly lifted up Bae’s shirt about halfway. Even after all these years, the scars from the attack on his ship still shocked her. The doctors did all they could to mend his many wounds when Eliressi’s navy returned him to shore. But some of those wounds ran deep and would now remain with him for the rest of his life. As Ana lathered her hands with a small amount of the massage oil, memories of those nights five years ago flashed through her mind. The mixture of emotions she felt the first time she laid eyes on him. The hours she spent at his bedside praying that he would make it through another night. The feeling of absolute uselessness only being able to watch while the village healer worked up to his elbows to help him and the other surviving officers.

She laid her hands across his lower back, her movements slow but firm with purpose. She recalled the first time she ever watched him get a massage like this. It would take years before she was granted the opportunity to do this for him. Each time her thumb moved across another scar, she held her breath to contain her emotions. He had been so brave those first two years, fighting toward his full recovery. Despite all the doctors and nurses losing hope that he would make such a full recovery, he fought. Now he walked tall through the village. Even when his back or other parts of his body bothered or pained him, he never gave up. And she was so proud of him for it.

She abandoned her earlier promise to not let her dress touch his bed for fear of leaving sand on the sheets. After she finished with his massage, Ana pulled his shirt back down then climbed into bed beside him. She snuggled close to him, relishing in the weight and warmth of his arm around her. It was one of the best feelings in the world to her, being in his arms. The only feeling that could ever compete to this was the feelings she got gazing deeply into his dark eyes. She could sink into them for the rest of her life if she wanted. There was hardly any need for words between them so long as he looked at her the way he did now. She knew. She always knew.

And then there was the greatest feeling of all: the pressure of his full lips against hers. Ana’s heart sang so loudly in her chest it was almost painful, but a good kind...if that was even possible. This sensation was one she could never find the right words to describe, only that it made her crave it more the moment it occurred. She moaned softly into this kiss, pouring all her love and devotion onto him. What more can she ever want if being here was one of the happiest moments in her life?

The high pitched yapping coming from the edge of the bed was only heard and acknowledged once the couple finally admitted defeat and pulled apart for air. Ana carefully turned to pick the little lady up from the floor to place her between them. “There is some debate among my ladies regarding whether this is a bad habit or not,” she commented breathlessly while watching her puppy explore the new terrain. “I personally see no harm in the little Trixie sharing the bed. So far she has not proven otherwise.”

They stayed in Bae’s bed for the remaining hours they had together. Once the sun started fading away from the windows, Ana felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. It was the sense of dread knowing that she needed to leave him to go back to the palace. Ana’s gaze dropped from his at this thought. She didn’t want the last thing Bae saw to be the sadness of their separation. She wanted him to think of nothing but the good times they shared today. Just the two of them and their little Trixie.

“I asked Robert to come by later in the evening to bring you dinner from the kitchens,” Ana informed Bae while she fixed her shoes. “While you wait, can you please try on the suit to see how it fits? If it needs tailoring, give it to Robert when he arrives.” She moved around the small house collecting the now empty dishes to return to the basket she had with her this morning. Once she was satisfied that she had not forgotten anything, she returned her gaze over to Bae.

She offered him a gentle smile. “I might not be able to come see you this week, my darling. Now that my brother is back, I will need to accompany him around the palace until the dinner party.” She sighed deeply then moved to close the distance between them. “Hopefully the week will fly by so fast these next three days will pass in the blink of an eye.” She then leaned toward him, pressing her lips gently against his. She will miss him so much these next three days.

Upon her return to the palace at sunset, Ana was ushered back to her bedroom to wash up and change out of her beach dress. A bath with scented hot water was already waiting for her when her ladies opened the door to welcome her back. The little lady was handed off to a couple of her ladies for her needed bath with the promise that she will be nice and clean when they bring her to Ellis’ room.

For the rest of the evening, Ana remained at Ellis’ side. After having dinner with their uncle, they once again retreated to his room for their well-needed private time together. It was strange how well Ana adapted between her two boys. With Bae she had this constant sense of longing that could only be satiated by being in his presence. It was as if the only thing she could ever want in the world is to forever be by his side. But the moment she sees Ellis, a calm washes over her as if she is meant to be with him. With Ellis, she feels this sense of purpose; an unbelievable sense of satisfaction that just by being beside her brother her life meant something. It had nothing to do with her relationship to her brother, not entirely at least. Her life was connected to her big brother in a way that no one could comprehend. She needed him as much as he needed her. And as much as she longed to be in Bae’s arms again, she was happy to have her big brother back home with her where she knew he would be safe from harm.

After much needed rest, Ellis appeared fully recovered from his two episodes at sea. Ana was rarely seen without him as the royal siblings went about their duties around the palace. When they weren’t together, Ana was preoccupied preparing Ellis’ Welcome Home dinner party. Even though her uncle was the host for the event, it was she that was put in charge of overlooking the preparations. After all, who else could possibly make a night dedicated to her big brother perfect?

In-between royal duties, baby sister duties and party planning, Ana used what little free time she had to write to Bae. This typically occurred in the middle of the night while Ellis and the little lady were fast asleep. She would sit by the window of her brother’s bedroom imagining that she could see her love’s house. She made sure he knew how much she missed him and how eager she was to see him at the party.

With the endless tasks assigned to her this week, Ana’s wishes for the week to fly by came true. It truly felt as if the days passed in the blink of an eye. Next thing she knew, her brother’s party was tomorrow night and suddenly she felt as if there was still so much to be done. However, those worries would have to wait for when she wasn’t in the company of her big brother.

In truth, Ana was a little concerned for Ellis. While it is true he recovered well from his episodes from days ago, she sometimes felt that he was still off somewhere in his own head. He did his best to be of good company to her. He held conversations well and kept his attention on her even when his adoring fan club insisted he focus on them. But every so often, she would catch him gazing past her in no real direction and it would take a couple attempts to grab his attention. This was very different from usual; when she would catch him gazing out to the ocean as if being called to it. Something about the way he’s been acting the past few days has been...off.

“Ellis,” Ana called out, leaning forward on the bench slightly. No response. She and Ellis decided to spend the late morning in the palace gardens. After two days of nonstop duties, they needed some well-deserved alone time in the fresh air. Or, more specifically, Ellis needed the fresh air. Ana sighed deeply, leaning back to sit up straight. She briefly turned away from her brother to watch the little lady as she zoomed across the grass. In the days since her arrival in court, the little puppy has been thriving. There was no doubt she was still very much a curious little puppy, but it was as if she was born for royalty as much as she was born for Eliressi.

Ana returned her attention to her brother. “Big brother,” she tried again, her voice louder. Still nothing. “Eli!”

This seemed to do the trick. She watched her big brother shake off whatever distraction pulled him far away from her with a small frown. “I asked what you thought about giving the little lady a French name. None of the English names seem right nor has she been receptive to them. Not even the name Baelley suggested as a tease is getting a response from her.”

Ana paused to watch Ellis for a moment. “Big brother,” she started slowly. “Where has your head been these last couple days? It feels like one moment you are here and the next somewhere I cannot follow. I can hardly keep your attention long enough to finalize the details of your party. Need I remind you that it is tomorrow night...” ​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

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​

“Your Highness.” That was what the colorful humans called him. They called him Your Highness when they found him on the land. They kept calling him Your Highness after they reached him. Your Highness. Until now, it still sounded strange to her ears. She tried mimicking the way those other humans said it, but under the water it did not sound the same. It just sounded...weird. But that is what her beautiful human is called. If she wanted to see him again, she would need to get used to saying it.

After saving Your Highness’ life, she had to return to her colony so that her Alpha mother would not suspect anything. Naturally, before leaving her beautiful human, she wanted to make sure that he would be in safe hands with the other humans that were looking for him. Even though the giant shadow creature thing that could stay above the water still made her nervous, it didn’t spit him back out or give off any sign to her that he needed help. That was enough to give her some peace for the time being.

The moon rose up then fell from the sky before she split from her colony to swim after Your Highness. It was tough to tell exactly how far he’d gone in the time she left him, but she had a general idea which direction he was headed. She swam for a full day to return to him, never once stopping to rest for fear that he would be taken too far away from her. She couldn’t fight back the urge to see him again no matter where that may be. Luckily for her, nothing in the waters blocked her path toward her human. Of course, she knew that no living thing in the waters would dare try. Except, maybe, another one of her kind. But her colony was far away now and she hasn’t seen another colony for many many many many moons.

The waters were dark once again by the time she came across land. It wasn’t the same land from before. She had tried that, but couldn’t find him anywhere. This land was much smaller than the first. She could swim around the entirety of it with just a few strong strokes of her tail before reaching the beginning again. But despite it being so small, it looked as if humans resided there. Or, at least, it looked like humans used their two skinny tails to move around it. Every time she peeked her head above the waters to look at the land, she would find objects that she normally saw inside the dead giant creature things that sank to the bottom of the waters. These objects definitely did not look like they belong on the land exactly. They looked like they had to be moved there by the humans. Whatever the humans used them for, she could hardly figure that out.

She later moved to the neighboring land to try to find her human. Once again, no luck. It was just as empty of humans, but with visible signs that humans have been there. Just like the previous land, it had human objects that stood so solitary as if they needed humans to make it move. Were they even alive?

Honestly, the more she searched the lands from the water for her human - or any human really - the more she felt this compelling desire to just jump out of the waters and search the lands themselves. But the mystery and uncertainty of what would happen were she to step out of the water kept her from fully committing. No one she knew in her colony ever attempted to leave the waters before. Dare she try to be the first? All for a human?

In all honesty, the main reason why she spent the next couple moons circling the small pieces of land was because she was afraid to swim closer to the bigger land. Deep down she knew that if she was going to find Your Highness again, it would be on that big land with all the big floating things he rode on before. There were just so many of them. And if there were already a lot of humans on one of those things, there had to be many more humans on the others. She wasn’t sure just yet if she was ready to face all those humans at once. For certain, if just one saw her that wasn’t like Your Highness, she knew she would have to kill him to protect herself.

As the skies became lighter, she once again turned in the direction of the bigger land and once again wondered to herself if she should just commit. That land was the only way she would find Your Highness. She knew this. She found no humans in the tiny lands she circled since she arrived in this area. The only other being that came remotely close to her was this creature with a hard shield on its back, but even then it kept its distance from her.

She was cutting it close now being away from her colony for this long without reporting back. If she didn’t commit to going to land right now, she would need to abandon her personal mission to go back home. It was now, or never. Commit to being the first of her colony to risk going on land to find her human.

Her whole body grew tenser the closer she swam to the bigger land. She swam as deep under the waters as possible to avoid being hit by the coming and going giant floating things that passed her. Not to mention she wanted to avoid coming across any other humans. When it became obvious to her that she was directly below the land, she pondered how in the world she was going to get close enough to the land to look for Your Highness. The chances of a human spotting her was high. What they would do were they to see her, however, was uncertain. She could only go off stories she was told her whole life. There was no way she could chance sticking her head up above the water for even the briefest of glances.

Her best bet was to find a piece of land that was without humans. Was that even possible? Surely, land as big as this with so many people living on it meant that everywhere she dared look would have at least one human nearby. And it seemed like the giant floating things went everywhere with them. It was worth a try though. After a brief moment to gaze up at a couple giant floating things that slowly swam past her, she dragged herself away from the area heavy with humans and swam in another direction.

She recognized rather quickly that these floating things only swam in a specific direction: to and from the part of the big land where there were the most humans. But would that mean she could avoid coming across humans if she stayed clear of that path?

It didn’t take long for the waters to become calmer the further away she swam from the human infested side of the big land. In this part, the creatures of the water swam more freely and without fear. At least, until she arrived. As expected, creatures that once found peace where they swam scattered off in absolute fear as she approached. She didn’t even have intentions to hunt them for food, but they still did not want to risk being in her presence. That was fine. She had more pressing matters to concern herself over than being feared by all in the waters.

She soon came across a piece of the big land that was quiet. Even deep in the waters she could tell that no creature was nearby up above. Maybe this was her chance to peek. Did she expect to see her human when she did? Yes, she sure hoped so.

Her heart raced as she drew closer to the surface. Despite how fast she swam, it still felt like she had miles to go before she reached the surface. But even with one more kick of her tail to pop her head above the water, she found herself hesitating. What if a human that was not Your Highness saw her? Would she have time to escape?

Then she poked her head above the water. Just like the other times, she felt an immediate heat hit her scales that she was not used to. Each time she tried to find the source of the heat, she was forced to close her eyes and look away from the bright light that was just too painful to look at for too long. Maybe that bright light is where the heat was coming from. She eventually learned to ignore the heat to refocus on her task. In front of her was a piece of the big land that looked exactly like the smaller lands she swam around before. It was without a single human. There were no signs of the still objects from the other lands, so she was not certain if humans inhabited it or not. Regardless, after watching intently for a long time for any sign of humans, none appeared. Surely that was her sign that this was a good place to start looking for her human. This spot would be a good place to chance leaving the waters entirely...for the first time.

She was doing all of this for the chance to see her human again. He was the only reason she would dare do something no one in her colony has ever done before. As she swam closer and closer to the land, her mind went crazy imagining what would happen once she pulled herself out of the water. Whatever happened next, each scenario ended with her human standing right in front of her again. The same beautiful face and bright blue eyes looking right at her.

The first pull out of the water was difficult. She never realized just how heavy her tail was. Sure, her arms were strong and could carry more than ten times her weight, but she learned quickly that her tail served very little purpose once out of water.

She’ll soon find out more.....

It began as soon as she pulled herself completely out of the water. She was just thinking about how these tiny stones were impossible to get off her scales when everything went white. Suddenly the tiny stones were the least of her problems. She cried and screeched in pure agony. The heat she felt after poking her head above the water earlier was nothing compared to the unbearable heat coming from inside her. The world around her was spinning the more she tried to concentrate on....anything but the pain. It felt like she was being torn apart inside. On top of that, she felt every single one of her scales peel off her like they were being cut out with a blade. The pain was nothing she ever felt before in her life. No matter how much she cried and screamed, the pain would not fade.

Maybe this was the very reason no one in her colony has ever once left the water. Maybe they knew from stories passed down that it would mean immediate death.

This was it. Her one chance to see Your Highness again would lead to her death. This was how her life would end.

Just when she thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did. Her cries grew louder and more high pitched as she once again felt like she was being ripped apart. Her eyes were shut tight. Her hands clenched around the tiny stones. There was no way of ignoring this. If death were an option, she would ask for it immediately. Any quick end to stop feeling every moment as her tail felt like it was being split right down the middle. As the split traveled higher and higher she had a momentary fear that this split would never stop; that it would come all the way up to her head and split her completely in two.

But then...it stopped. It all stopped. The pain gradually disappeared and for the first time, she breathed. Her breathing was shaky and each time she took in a breath, the tiny stones traveled into her mouth causing her to cough it out. But she couldn’t lift her head away from the tiny stones. In fact, she couldn’t move a single part of her body. She hadn’t even tried opening her eyes, they just felt so heavy. Everything around and in her was dark and hot and...just so heavy. This was the first time in her entire life that she felt so utterly weak and helpless.

After some time though...everything just went dark. ​

 

[JINFINITE]

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​

It was dark. Almost black as night, with only a glimmer of light occasionally sparkling from far up above him. And it was heavy. Like a pressure was pushing against him, so even though he felt absolutely weightless it was still difficult to move. It was hard to say for sure but if asked, Ellis would have said it felt as though he were under water. Only his chest wasn’t hurting the way it would after holding his breath, in fact he wasn’t holding his breath. He could breathe just fine, but when he looked up again that shimmery light up above illuminated what looked to be bubbles rising to the surface. He had to be underwater, there was just no other explanation for what he was experiencing.

He wasn’t exactly swimming, but Ellis drifted through this darkness for quite some time in absolute silence. It was just so peaceful. For the first time in a long time his heart, mind and soul were all equally content and that weightless feeling expanded beyond just his physical body. He felt safe, like he belonged here, wherever here was. Honestly in his current state the rest of his world was out of his mental grasp. Eliressi and Ana didn’t even cross his thoughts. He was just...existing here, that is until a high pitch sound not unlike a bird call rang out and echoed in the silence. He spun around as if he might suddenly be able to see in the darkness. But as the sound played again he felt almost a sense of fear grab at his heart. The sound was getting closer and as it grew louder it became more shrill and aggressive, animalistic and dangerous. His pulse was racing now and he was circling and circling trying to locate where this sound came from. Then all of a sudden despite the darkness all around him he found another pair of eyes just staring back at him and the sound immediately shifted to a soothing song. He was captivated. Completely entranced and just staring back, unable to even process what was happening anymore. There was no fight or flight response kicking in, rather it was more like a feeling of hypnosis calming him down and leaving his mind completely blank.

The eyes seemed to be getting bigger as though whatever it was was coming closer to him. And then it made contact. He still wasn’t sure what it was but something cool and smooth ran across his face. If Ellis were asked to describe it it would almost be as though someone were caressing his cheek. He could sort of feel another presence beside him now and his eyes followed it upwards just in time to see a dark shadowy figure illuminated by that glimmer up above. Hair, small frame, a tail with fins. He should have been scared but he wasn’t.

Then the song played from below him, calling him deeper down into the darkness and Ellis blindly followed it, unaware of the increasing pressure against his body the further he went.

”Your highness?”
It took a couple tries for the maid to wake Ellis as she shook him, gently at first and then stronger when he still did not stir. When at last Ellis did open his eyes he found his immediate view to be the underside of his bed as he lay on the floor. How on Earth had he ended up down here? He pushed himself up to sit on the hard floor, his maid quick to follow his movement and support him should he lose consciousness again, assuming that that was why he was down here and not in his comfy down feather bed.

His head felt so heavy and filled with fog, and all his confusion was leaving him very disoriented. It felt similar to after being resuscitated but once again he could not recall much of anything that had led him to his current situation. The dream was now nothing but a wisp in the wind. And his entire body just felt weighted down, his thought process just as slow.

”Allow me to help you up,” She had to repeat herself when she realized he hadn’t heard her. But even after saying it a second time, Ellis sort of just stared at her for a moment as though he had to wait for her words to cycle through a whole translation system in his head before he was able to understand what she said. At last he nodded and took her offered hand to help him to his feet.

Everything spun at first as the blood rushed back to his head after being on the floor for God knows how long. But his bed wasn’t far and tired was his only affliction so it wasn’t long before his maid was now pulling back his blankets as he sat down and then tucking them back over her sleepy prince.

“—A—ana?” His voice cracked, almost as though he had screamed himself hoarse and he had to clear his throat to complete his dear sister’s name.
“The princess Analisa left for the village this morning,” This morning? Just what time was it? How long had he slept? Last he remembered she was at his side and it was still fairly early in the evening. Everything after eating dinner was a bit of a blur. But if Ana was going to the village then he knew exactly what she was up to and that she likely wouldn’t be back for some time.

”Shall I fetch you some more water?” A quick glance to the tray at his bedside would quickly confirm that he was out of water. But her questioning intonation was less asking for permission and more so wondering aloud whether the journey would even be worth her efforts. Whether he would even still be awake when she returned.

It was certainly not wrong of her to doubt the prince’s capabilities right now. His brow was slightly furrowed with the headache setting in and he had even turned away from the window he so loved to look through—she moved to draw the curtains when she noticed this so as to darken the room as much as possible. And sure enough when she did return with the water, Ellis had already fallen back asleep. His one night of rest was nowhere near enough to make up for how exhausted he was from his illness and drained from his weeks at sea.

When he woke next he was still alone, but at least he had managed to stay in bed this time. His room was still dimmed out by the curtains but he could tell that he likely had only been asleep for a couple more hours at most as the sun was still shining bright from outside his dark room.

As Ellis peeled back his blankets his feet moved on their own, suddenly having a little spurt of strength as he got out of bed and then crossed over to his window. He would be able to see the water from here, and after pushing back the curtain he took a seat there to watch the waves. They were so strong out at sea, but the closer and closer inland they got the smaller and gentler they became until it was just surf lapping at the beach. Part of his heart skipped a beat at the thought of his bare feet sinking into that wet sand, but the rest of him was very much glued in his seat and could not be convinced to move. He was just far too tired to make the journey down to the water.

His time with Ana yesterday had jump started his recovery, but without her here now he felt trapped in this state of bare existence. He did not have the energy yet to do much of anything, but he was still so restless and it showed in how anxious he seemed in his glance from the ocean over to the door of his room. It was rare for Ellis to be by himself. Even if Ana wasn’t by his side there was still usually someone nearby, but it was so quiet right now that he could have sworn he could hear the ocean from here.

Ellis finally got up from his window seat, crossing straight over to his door and then going from his room to Ana’s. The door was open and he watched as one of her ladies exited with a small box in hand, ”Oh— your Highness— “ It was clear she hadn’t been expecting to see him and she was quick to curtsy and bow her head, but Ellis was looking past her into the room in search of another, ”My sister has not returned?”
The young woman responded that she hadn’t, and in fact she wasn’t expected back for some time but Ellis’ eyes still scanned over the room as if expecting Ana to pop up. That is, until her window came into view and again he swore he heard the sound of waves crashing.

”—please…” Oh, she had been talking...Ellis forced himself to refocus on Ana’s lady to see that she had put down the box she held and now had his robe from his room in hand with the inside of the sleeves offered out to help him put on. Just how long had he been zoning out? Long enough apparently for the lady in waiting to run back to his room and locate his robe as he was dressed only in his sleep shirt. The palace staff in closest contact with the crown siblings were used to this sort of behavior from him, side effects of his illness, but most of them were quick and discreet in handling it. Something Ellis wasn’t often even aware of to be appreciative of, but he thanked her now as he slid his arms into his robe and shrugged it up over his shoulders.

He politely refused when she asked if there was anything else she could get him, but rather than returning to his own room he made his way downstairs until he reached the private courtyard closest to their quarters. Here he could be outside but safe from the nosey eyes and ears of court. He just wanted to breathe the fresh air and feel the wind on his face. It could be so claustrophobic trapped up in his room, like a princess locked in a tower. He had spent so many years of his life kept indoors on a short leash, and while he understood it was for his own safety, that didn’t make it any easier to accept or move on from. If given the option, Ellis would always choose to be outside, and especially down by the water. It was his happy place.

But right now he wouldn’t have been able to even make that journey, he could barely walk around the courtyard now as he tried to stretch his legs. Ellis just felt so sluggish and weak despite having slept for most of the day now. He sat for a while on a bench but when he could feel that his physical exhaustion was turning into a wave of drowsiness he knew it would be best to return to his room to go back to sleep. He made it as far as the archway leading back inside before suddenly whipping around to look behind him. He hadn’t actually heard anything, at least he didn’t think he had... it was more like a feeling. He had felt someone calling him, but when he turned no one was there. His head was so heavy now with a steady pounding at his temples. He felt stuck in between knowing he needed to go inside but also this expectation that he was waiting for something or someone. It wasn’t quite dejavu, Ellis really couldn’t place what the feeling was but he couldn’t seem to shake it.

Ellis did manage to make his way back upstairs and fell back asleep almost as soon as his head hit his pillow. He slept for several more hours but when he finally woke again he felt most of his brain fog had lifted and he was feeling much more refreshed, it’s just that he was still alone in his room. His eyes trailed over towards the window as his sister’s whereabouts took over his thoughts. He knew she was likely with her naval officer, Lieutenant Baelley— former officer, but while he was happy for her there was no denying that he missed her. Actually “missed” was an understatement and putting it nicely. He needed her. So much so that he was half tempted to send someone for her, but that was when out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of his rings sitting in a dish on his bedside table. And just like that his thoughts emptied out and he reached out to pick up the ring with the particularly large red stone.

It felt so heavy in his hand and that weight quickly seeped through his skin to settle into his heart as he felt a strong, unnatural pull towards the sea. It was a feeling he knew all too well and more often than not was unable to resist, especially without his sister present. And today would be no exception— except it was not a moment later that Ana entered his room and all thoughts of the ocean washed away as her mere presence began filling in the cracks of his heart.

The following days were unusually difficult. While Ellis had physically recovered from his episodes and expeditions, it was clear there was something still affecting him. He was no longer tired and had regained his strength, but he was finding it increasingly harder to focus on those around him. He was frequently tormented by minor headaches and this almost haunting feeling that he was being watched. The worst of all was that he was hearing things. At first he didn’t pay it that much attention, just sort of lumped it together as part of his oceanic hallucinations. His desire for the water being so strong that he was hearing the waves in his head. But as the days passed those waves became clearer until it was a very distinct sound.

He stopped dead in his tracks, almost wincing at the sound and making him question whether it really was the same one he had been hearing in the palace. It was so shrill now and grabbed at his heart, the way a wolf’s howl in the woods at midnight would send a chill down one’s spine. However as Ellis turned his head away from the direction of the noise he took note that no one else had noticed or else was not paying it any attention, ”Did you not hear that?”
”Hear what, Your Highness?”
“Just now there was…” Ellis did not finish his sentence as he found his gaze drawn towards the direction of the ocean as that heaviness settled into his chest.

Had Ana been with him then maybe he wouldn’t have been so strongly affected. Maybe she would have intervened. Or maybe it would have built up inside him until he passed out but even still at least then he would have been safe inside the palace. As it was, Ana was too preoccupied to have been at his side and his staff took him at his word when he mumbled that he would be right back, so it didn’t take long for Ellis to slip away down to his private stretch of beach.

The heavy feeling in his heart was alleviated almost as soon as his boots touched the sand. It had been so long since he had been down here and he felt so comfortable and at home now. Why had he waited so long? He had been feeling so off all week but clearly all he had needed was the ocean he loved so.

He of course felt a pull towards the water itself but there was something different in the sea breeze today. Something that kept him walking along the beach rather than straight into the surf as he normally would have liked to do. He didn’t have to walk for long before— there! There was something on the sand. All of a sudden the ocean meant nothing to him. He no longer felt that pull towards the water and instead all his focus was on this….girl? It was unexplainable but her presence alone seemed to break his fixation on the water.

He immediately knelt down beside her body and hesitantly moved his hand just over her little mouth, holding his own breath as he waited for verification that she was still alive. It was an agonizing few seconds but sure enough, she lived! Ellis wasted no time after that in removing his cloak and covering her tiny naked frame with it before looking up to glance around. There were no ships out on the water, no sign of a wreckage washed ashore, where had she come from? It was when he looked back down that he noticed the color of her hair. One might think that he would have noticed something as unnatural as that right away, but Ellis had been so lost in his obsession, a hypnosis of sorts that he hadn’t properly seen her long silvery locks till now and he reached out now to gently run his fingers through it.

Who was this girl? How had she gotten here? There were so many questions that should have been running through his head, but instead Ellis was just glued in place unable to look away from her sleeping face. For the first time in a long time his head was quiet. There were no ocean sounds, no haunting songs, no fog, nothing. It was just him and this mysterious girl. But as curious as he was about her, he wasn’t concerned for himself in the slightest. The idea that he was possibly endangering himself by being here didn’t once cross his mind. His advisors would have scolded him saying this could have been bait for an assassination attempt, or if she turned out to be sick, or crazy. But Ellis just felt...at ease. In fact quite similar to how he felt when around his sister. Surely someone who made him feel that good couldn’t be bad for him. Besides as proved time and time again, Ellis was often a bigger danger to himself than anyone was to him.

Such as now as he stood beside his own bed just watching this strange girl sleep. There was not only the fact that she could harm him, but the mere risk he took in carrying her up to the palace and into his own bedroom...if word got out that the crown prince brought a girl to bed…

Again, Ellis was not thinking clearly as his next move was to sneak out into the hall and request for a basin of water and cloth to be brought up. However he forbade anyone to enter his room which was certainly unusual behavior from him. And while the water was being fetched he snuck next door to his sister’s room, coming back out with the first dress he found. Once he was back safely in his room alone with her he found he could not stop staring in awe at her body. He should have felt uncomfortable or embarrassed being in this situation; he would have for any other girl. But something about her just drew him in. She made him feel calm and safe, like this was right. It almost felt like he belonged here with this girl even though he hadn’t the slightest clue who she was.

He allowed his eyes to wander, following his hand as he gently washed her pale skin. He wasn’t fazed at all, too entranced to realize the situation he had put himself in. But he didn’t linger for too long, Ellis tried to stay quick and efficient and pulled a blanket up over her so as to not let her catch a cold. And then he just sat beside her, much like his own sister often did for him. Reaching out he brushed her silver locks away from her face and just watched her, as though he could wake her with sheer will power, ”Who are you…”​

 

[JINFINITE]

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​

Their beach trip had been absolutely magical, in both a literal and figurative sense of the word. It was both therapeutic and damaging, with the latter not really making itself known until after he had settled down at the little table in his house and found he could not stand back up again. Or at least not without immense pain and difficulty.

His tumble on the sand had slipped from his mind while they ate; Baelley had been far too focused on the love of his life sitting across from him to remember that despite the softness of the sand, he had had a pretty hard fall and he wasn’t physically able to bounce back the same way another man his age would. Everything affected him in such a way it was more similar to an old man than a young naval officer— blacksmith.

He had settled comfortably into his chair, eyes and ears devoted to Ana while they conversed over lunch without a shred of doubt in his head as to his current capabilities. So when Ana requested he go try on his jacket, Baelley got to his feet without a moment's hesitation. And while he managed to stand up, he was unable to hold back the pained hiss that escaped him as soon as his own body weight centered over his legs; he would have doubled forward to the floor had the table not been there for him to grab onto and lean against as he so clearly favored one leg in particular.

He had been doing fine all morning. Not even falling on the beach had hurt him. But it seemed to have left him overly confident and feeling a tad invincible. Suddenly going cold and sitting down to eat after all their activity had sent his weak and injured joints into shock. So trying to use them again now just brought all of today’s physical stress slamming down into his knees and hitting his particularly weakened side with such strength that he couldn’t even force his way through the pain like he so often did to get through his day to day.

The pain originated on the outside of his knee and shot up his leg, into his hips, circling through to stab at his lower back before settling back into his knee and successfully immobilizing him completely. He couldn‘t take another step forward and it brought out a frustrated noise under his breath as he found himself completely immobilized. There was a pins and needles numbness taking over his lower extremities with each passing second and Baelley felt a brief wave of lightheadedness washing over him from the pain—he really needed to sit back down before he fell because if he hit the floor now he wasn’t sure Ana would be able to help him back up like she did on the beach.

His hand had never left the table, he had used it to pull himself up, to lean against and now to help lower himself back down to his seat once Ana had returned to his side. Oftentimes when he was in pain there was little to do but wait for it to subside and perhaps brew some poppy tea. But Ana also wasn’t usually with him, at least not as much as she used to be even just a year ago, and she had a much better idea of how to address his pain while she was here to help. The only minor setback was that it involved him walking over to the bed. In the hospital there had been individuals capable of supporting his full weight when relocating him. And while he and his princess had worked out their own methods over the years, there was no ignoring the fact that he both towered over her and weighed a good deal more. It wasn’t impossible though, he wasn’t paralyzed, just hurting. They’d take it slow.

As Ana helped him back up to his feet his left hand quickly flew to his lower back as he felt a painful twinge while his right gripped her forearm even tighter as though scared of falling. They both froze in place for a moment until Baelley released the sharp inhale he’d been holding and gently eased his grip on his love, a silent indicator he was okay to move. This was nothing compared to the very real, deep and unrelenting pain he had dealt with for years. He’d be okay.

Baelley adjusted his hold on Ana, practically clinging to her as she too moved to better support him before they made their slow and cautious journey across the room to his bed. He found he couldn’t put weight on his one side and even just picking up his foot was more like dragging it as the numbness still tormented him making it feel similar to as though his leg had fallen asleep. Oh if only that were the case. But at last they reached his bed and slowly lowered him to sit on the edge. He tried to not vocalize his pain anymore than he already had, but even if he withheld it, Ana had this way of always knowing.

His two hands were flat on the bedding just behind him, supporting his upper body now that he no longer had Ana to lean against. While her hands were running gently, yet firmly along either side of his knee in hopes of massaging away some of the pressure before getting into any real exercises. When she did begin it was slow, as most things were involving Baelley.

Their goal here was to slowly stretch out the muscles around his knee which had all tensed up and tightened into a stiff knot of pain after their outdoor adventures. He was supposed to straighten his leg and lift it as high as he could, but Baelley could not succeed at either of those. His knee remained fairly bent and despite all his efforts he could not properly raise his leg. It wasn’t entirely that it hurt, but his entire leg was just so stiff and numb that he physically couldn't move it. This happened sometimes, Baelley was used to it, after all he had spent years fighting with his broken body for even the simplest of tasks. But being unable to lift his own leg, Ana ended up doing it for him.

She gently placed one hand at his ankle and the other to support his knee as she carefully extended his knee up and out as far as she felt safe to move it. Once, twice, she repeated this stretch a total of ten times before giving him a few moments rest, bringing his foot back to the floor each time as a warm up before pushing him a little further with the next set of ten. Even before he was injured, Baelley hadn’t been the most flexible but by now Ana knew his limits well. She knew when she could push him and when he couldn’t do anymore for the day.

As the feeling returned into his leg she brought it back up and held it up with one hand while the other now pressed down just above his knee while she told him to push against her. It only took a few seconds before his leg was trembling from exertion—”Breathe…” — and his breath was just as shaky as he exhaled slowly, not realizing he had been holding his breath in his concentration. It was when he lost the strength to continue this exercise that Bae let out a pained gasp, releasing every flexed muscle in his leg and allowing it to relax completely in her hands. Immediately Ana froze to watch him carefully. Even though she was always the one to push him, she was also always the one to stop at the first indication of pain. Always.

There was a moment of silence between them without any movement and the only sound being Bae’s light panting. But after Ana visually confirmed that he wasn’t in pain, she carefully resumed one last easier stretch and applied more pressure to his joint until the point she felt they had done enough focal work on his knee and it was time to address the true origin.

As Ana spoke, Baelley’s eyes lifted to meet her gaze and he leaned slightly into her touch, wishing he had the energy to pull her onto his lap again and the two of them could just ignore their duties to the rest of the world. This would forever be their life. His healing had clearly peaked, but Ana was always ready to soothe his pain away. But she would also always be taken from him. Because after all, who was he to fall for the princess of Eliressi? No one could ever know of what took place behind closed doors between them. And it was only a matter of time before a new suitor came for her. That’s just how things were. So as much as he hated being in pain, he would welcome it so long as it allowed him to keep his Ana in his life.

At her instruction he slowly turned over and lowered himself down stomach first onto the bed. Baelley’s arms crossed just above him to form a pillow where he rested his head on its side. He could see Ana just out of the corner of his eye as she returned to his side and proceeded to lift his shirt. The exposure to the air in the room sent the tiniest of shivers down his spine. It wasn’t necessarily that it was cold...there was a definite temperature shift but there was also an excitement in his reaction as he anticipated the feeling of her healing hands running over his skin.

He used to get massages like this every day. In the very beginning he couldn’t even feel them, but they had played a vital role in keeping his body alive while he wasted away in bed. To help circulate his blood and fend off bed sores. Then years down the line as he regained feeling the purpose of the massages transitioned to relieving the pain and tension that tormented him day in and day out. And by then he could feel the pressure of their hands on his skin. Sometimes it felt good, but sometimes it hurt. Sometimes it was a nice distraction, while other times it was excruciating to feel his body realign.

Right now it was somewhere in between. It did feel good, Ana’s touch always felt good, but he would be lying if he said it was without discomfort feeling her work away at his pain. Baelley groaned, after watching her all this time his eyes now shut as she reached a literal nerve at the base of his spine. He moved involuntarily, as though trying to shy away from her hands but being unable to actually go anywhere. It wasn’t that he wanted her to stop though, it was more like that first step into cold water where all you can think about is getting out of there. But if you just wait a couple minutes you will quickly adjust to the temperature. And that was the same now as Ana’s fingers ran across old scars and dug into overworked muscles. She knew it as well. She knew not to stop so early on over a little discomfort.

There were parts of his body, particularly along his scars, where he had never fully regained sensation. He could move, and feel something running across his skin, but it was the strangest feeling to describe. It was borderline that pins and needles tingling from before, but almost as though the feeling was muffled—it was as though parts of his skin had become numb to physical contact. He had tried on several occasions to explain what it felt like to Ana, but he just didn’t have the words or medical knowledge needed to do so.

He suddenly winced, tensing up painfully and sucking in his breath as she found the spot that had flared up with his knee and Baelley turned his head down to face the bed so his forehead rested on his arms. That is, until Ana called for his attention and her hand rested on his shoulder for a moment while she offered him a quiet reminder for him to lower his arms to his side so that all his back muscles could relax. Keeping his arms above his head was just added strain, and he knew this, but it was just a more natural position to rest his head on his arms.

Uncrossing his arms and returning them to his sides, Baelley let out a soft sigh as he recalled back to when Ana had first learned the proper massage techniques and she had been oh so gentle with him out of fear that she would hurt him. But gentle wasn’t quite the right approach for what he needed. If he couldn’t feel it working then she wasn’t pressing hard enough, and it had taken a fair bit of encouragement both from his attending nurse and himself until Ana found a confident level of pressure to apply. Bae knew true pain, and so while these massages did hurt some in the beginning, it was the kind of pain that hurts so good and the after effects always left him feeling so relaxed as though a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

A few years back Baelley had been a bit mystified why he always felt best after being with Ana—why it felt better when she did the exact same thing his much more qualified physicians did. Why was it that this stunningly beautiful tiny girl could take away more pain than those who had trained in the subject and had the physical strength to reach the deep tissues and affected nerves? Even the doctors were puzzled why he seemed to respond so well to her. But he knew why now. He knew the magic behind her touch, and the power of her heart; he felt the same way after all.

”—love you…” His words were barely a whisper, disappearing into her mouth as he kissed her slowly. Baelley hadn’t moved much since she had finished massaging his back. He still lay on his stomach, not daring to try and get up so soon, but he was ever so slightly on one side now positioned inwards towards Ana with his arm stretched across to hold her close and occasionally sneak up to trace her skin along the back neckline of her dress.

They had thrown reason to the wind long ago in regards to their relationship. They knew it was risky for the both of them, but that’s why they were always so extra careful with one another. There was the earlier mentioned dilemma surrounding the difference in their social standings, but Baelley’s health had long held them back as well and helped keep things from getting out of hand. Like right now how he had her at his side, on his bed, devoting herself to him, but he could barely even sit up on his own a couple hours earlier. Baelley just wasn’t physically capable of showering her with much more than kisses to show his love. But they had accepted his fate long ago. Everyday and every accomplishment was worth rejoicing when he hadn’t even been expected to survive his injuries let alone recover as much as he had. They counted their blessings carefully and knew better to be grateful for what they had. But that still didn’t stop Baelley’s mind from wandering as his fingers paused over the lacings of her dress. If only he wasn’t cripled, and if only she wasn’t his princess. What sort of relationship could they have under different circumstances?

He didn’t stay on the thought for long, after all it wasn’t a new concept to him. He had already gone in circles with himself and exhausted this topic long ago, it just still occasionally visited his thoughts during particularly passionate moments between them. It didn’t matter if they were sweet tender kisses on her hand or sneaking away together in the palace for more contact than their public appearances could contain, every moment with Ana was special and precious and he wouldn’t dare do anything to threaten what they had.

So when Ana announced she needed to leave, he was certainly disappointed, but he understood. He knew his place, and he knew when he would see her next which gave him something to look forward to and motivate him at work. Baelley watched on quietly as she busied around the house to tidy up and collect everything she had brought with her— and there it went again...his mind envisioning what it would be like if Ana actually lived here in this tiny house with him. If she was the one to cook his meals and have a fire going in the evenings by the time he came home after a long day. A normal love and life. But who was he kidding? He had never been destined for that, if it wasn’t one thing it was another. Back home with his family he had been expected to marry with status to uphold their image. Love was never a luxury he had been granted. But now that he had it, it was she who could not marry due to her royal blood. He was just trapped in this inbetween zone. Just like how he was now trapped on the bed waiting to bid her farewell.

Should he get up and walk her out? Or would it be better for him to stay still on account of his earlier pain? He had been stationary for so long now though, surely he would be alright if he got up. He wasn’t hurting after all, Ana had seen to that. In the end he opted for both. He sat on the edge of the bed while she tidied but waited for her to come to him before initiating any sort of movement. He cupped her cheek gently, holding her still and prolonging her kiss. Baelley didn’t exactly get butterflies anymore when they were together, not the nervous excited kind at least. Instead they manifested as a sort of strength he felt only in her presence. He felt the surge through his heart the second their lips touched and it sent him greedily pulling her closer for a second kiss when she thought they were done. When Baelley then released their kiss, he at last got to his feet and the both of them stayed still an extra moment, waiting to see if he truly was feeling better or if his body would give out again. Ana’s hand was steadying at his waist as though prepared to catch him if he wavered however he seemed stable now and he pulled her hand off of him to wrap around his own arm instead to walk her to the door for their final goodbye.

As she had said, Ana was far too busy the following days to see him and his only contact was through her man Robert and the letters they wrote back and forth. This was a well established routine between them by now, and yet another side effect of their complicated relationship. Had they not needed to maintain a certain level of secrecy then perhaps Baelley would be visiting him herself instead of always needing an invitation or for her to make a house call. And perhaps he would be able to write more meaningful content without fear of someone catching them. But as it was his letters tended to stay vague; he never addressed her by name nor did he sign his own at the end.

So how was Ana to know that this was from her love and not a secret admirer among court? Baelley let a pale blue wax drip over his rolled up scroll and then pressed a custom stamp down to seal it shut. His seal was of a seashell and he had actually whittled it himself some time ago. It had taken a while to complete due to his fluctuating dexterity but he had used it for every letter to his love ever since he finished. In fact it’s sole use was for letters to Ana. He had his own seal with his family’s emblem carved into it for all other matters. This was so as to not immediately expose himself as the sender should his love letters ever be intercepted by the wrong hands.

A smile formed across his face as he watched the wax harden and then gently ran his finger over the shell impression left behind. Ever since Ana had teased the invite of this party he could not stop picturing what her dress would be like. So often she wore simpler clothes when she came to see him in the village, which was completely understandable, but Baelley would be lying if he said it didn’t make him just the slightest bit disappointed. Well, maybe not exactly disappointed, but her beauty far surpassed anything those village dresses could handle and he was looking forward to being star struck at the party. He was accustomed to going several days in a row without seeing her, and of course he always missed her, but the anticipation of knowing when he saw her next she would be all dressed up for him...remember those butterflies he no longer got? This was one of those few times when they came to visit and they fluttered in his stomach all the while he waited for Ana to make her appearance.

He had been announced and asked to wait at the bottom of the stairs. His cane was currently tucked under his arm and his fingers fiddled with the cuffs of his newly hemmed jacket as he waited for Ana to come sweep him off his feet and take his breath away— she always did without fail.​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

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​

Her brother’s party was still hours away, but already Ana was exhausted. She had been awake well before dawn to ensure everything for the party was in order. Although stressed, she also ensured that the palace staff didn’t catch any of it. The last thing she wanted was one maid anxious about disappointing the princess and dropping the dinner plates stacked sky high in her arms. It was all bright smiles and positive energy. And, for the most part, it seemed to work. By the time she felt confident leaving the palace’s heads of staff to take care of the rest of the party’s preparation, Ana could feel her own energy dwindling and she wished so much to sit down.

That was why it came as a blissful relief the moment she walked into her bedroom to be brought over to her chair in front of her vanity mirror. Her feet were practically screaming with gratitude over finally being given the chance to take a break from carrying all the weight for nearly half the day.

Ana’s bedroom was abuzz with giggling and gossiping as her ladies in waiting went about their duties preparing her for the party. It was no surprise to anyone that the palace guests were excited for this chance to dress up and mingle. But what most do not realize is that the palace staff were just as excited. Ana has always been rather observant of the palace staff. Long before she could remember, she always felt empathetic towards many of the staff members. Granted, she was not familiar with all of them. For a palace as grand as the one towering over the kingdom of Eliressi, it was just not possible to know the names and faces of every staff member that roamed the palace halls. But for those that Ana was familiar with, she was guilty of leaning in towards the gossip among her ladies.

Much of the excitement among the staff - mostly the female staff - was about the guest list. Majority of the guests coming to the party were those invited to stay in the palace, naturally. But Ana’s uncle had used the event as an opportunity to invite other important figures. From what Ana had seen of the guest list, most of them were diplomats from neighboring towns and kingdoms. Leave it to her uncle to use a welcome home party for politics. Of course, it wasn’t the old diplomats, politicians and their representatives that interested the female staff. No, it was the short list of eligible bachelors that so happened to be some of the representatives of neighboring kingdoms. Ana would be lying if she didn’t know exactly what her uncle was doing. And she was going to have absolutely none of it.

But for the sake of the happiness of her ladies in waiting, she allowed them to giggle about the son of this earl or the son of that duke. She already had her eyes on one man she knew would be in attendance later tonight.

Speaking of which….

The second Bae slipped into her mind - not that he ever left - Ana felt magnetically drawn to the small shoe box under her bed. Inside the shoebox were years and years of love letters from Bae, including the latest one Robert passed on to her last night before bed. The words of that letter were still fresh in her mind and they made her heart leap and skip in her chest. Oh, she was so excited to see him again. It was nice having these last few days to share quality time with her brother after his long expedition at sea. But she still missed Bae so much. Every day since the last time they were together she thought of him. Dreamed about him. Fantasized about him. Yearned for him. If only time could move faster so that she could reunite with her lover again.

Just as she was about to let herself get lost in thoughts of her happy reunion with Bae, Ana heard a bit of commotion outside her bedroom. Well, actually it was the sudden pause in activity among her ladies in waiting that she noticed first. They were in the middle of putting up her fresh curls when they suddenly stopped at the sound of loud voices outside the room. Ana watched the closed door through her vanity mirror. She was just about to ask one of her ladies to check on the commotion when there was suddenly a knock. With a quick nod, one of her ladies walked over to the door to answer while the others continued their work...but with mild interest.

“Your Highness,” addressed her lady once she returned from the once again closed door. Ana looked up from the brooches laid out on the table. “His Highness, the prince, has asked if he could prepare for the dinner here.”

Ana blinked. “What is wrong with his room?”

Her lady fidgeted. “His valet did not have a direct answer. Just that His Highness was adamant that no one enter his room.”

Now Ana raised a brow through the mirror. She knew her big brother has been acting strangely the past few days since his return. While a part of her wondered if this strange behavior had anything to do with his odd story from his time at sea, another was just downright curious. If his valet or any other members of the staff were not allowed into his room, surely that rule did not apply to her. Did she have the time to test that theory though?

A quick glance out the window told her that she did not. There was not much time left before the party was to begin and there was still so much for her to do to get ready. With a deep sigh, Ana picked up a brooch with dangling pearls and returned to looking at her reflection in the mirror.

“Very well. You may tell his valet that they are welcome to enter once I am dressed,” she instructed. “Theresa, please fetch my dress then fasten my corset.” Her brother may be getting his way, but he was going to have to wait until she was decent and ready.

As instructed, Ellis and his personal staff were welcomed into Ana’s bedroom once her ladies helped fasten the last button of her dress. She was still without her shoes though, but that was nothing out of the ordinary for the royal siblings of Eliressi. They did spend enough hours on the beach after all. At least she wore stockings already.

“The space near the bed is all yours, Ellis,” Ana said, although her attention was mostly toward his valet who bowed his head and walked right over to where she indicated to place the rest of her brother’s suit on top of her bed. “You owe me an explanation or a show and tell later.” This time her attention was directly at her brother who too was looking at her through her mirror.

If it wasn’t already obvious by now, the royal siblings were not your normal set of royals...or siblings. On top of their strong attachment toward each other and their out of the ordinary behavior towards the kingdom and its people, getting ready together was another activity on their list. Even after their parents had separated them once Ellis was too old for the nursery, the siblings would every so often go into one or the other room to get ready for the day. Nowadays these times were so far between, but in the times that they do occur it is not likely for their personal staff to get flustered. Of course, the only thing that has changed in this little routine is the need for the men - Ellis included - to wait until Ana was decent.

“So Uncle has invited Lord Harrington’s second eldest tonight,” Ana started when one of her ladies moved so that Ellis was once again in her line of vision through the mirror. They once again returned to fixing her hair while Ellis finished getting dressed. When she saw Ellis turn to look at her with a confused look, she returned a raised brow at him. “Louis Harrington. Do you not remember him? When you used to sail with his older brother he would follow the both of you around. He didn’t visit the palace often, of course. There was really no need to since--” The words caught in her throat without her realizing it. Her gaze dropped to her folding hands resting on her lap.

Even though it has been years since her late fiance was killed in the same attack that almost took Bae, Ana was still affected by the loss. Obviously not as much as it had in the beginning. She had gone through her period of grief and moved on. Her heart has healed and she has found it in her to love again. But that doesn’t stop the fact that her late fiance still held a place in her life, even if it was just in her memories. Those memories still found a way of creeping up on her.

Ana closed her eyes and took a couple deep breaths. She knew exactly what to do during moments like these. She allowed the memories their moment in the sun; to remind her of the bright smile that once tickled her fancy and the every present laugh that warmed her heart when it had been hurting over the one and only falling out she and Ellis suffered through as kids. Although her late fiance died so young, at least he will always be remembered as the young man that first taught her how to love.

Then, after a long and steady exhale, Ana opened her eyes. The face that looked back at her was calm and...serene. The moment now passed. With it her heart once again felt light.

Ana cleared her throat and continued. “Obviously, Uncle was not outright about his reasons for inviting him. His excuse was that he was representing his father. Which, of course, does not make sense. If Lord Harrington were to send a representative on his behalf, should it not be his eldest? After all, once upon a time you two were rather close and this is your party.” Ana sighed then shook her curls off her shoulders. “But since he is now engaged to be wed after the upcoming season…” Between the royal siblings, there was no need to finish that sentence. Not unless they wanted to ruin Ellis’ mood before they met their guests.

In the time it took for the siblings to finish getting ready for the dinner party, Ana noticed all the effort Ellis put into avoiding any discussion about why he was practically forbidding anyone into his bedroom. Surely he could not have gotten into too much trouble since she left him that morning. He couldn’t possibly have another surprise for her or anyone. As far as she was aware Bijou was his only surprise after his trip and he has not once stepped foot outside the palace grounds since his return. So what was it that he was hiding in his bedroom? Even as she tried to steer the conversation in that direction, Ellis expertly shifted it back to another suitable topic. Or, he would abruptly halt all conversation to compliment her. Her big brother really was a sneaky one.

Ana’s attempts ceased entirely as she walked arm in arm with Ellis to the entrance hall. It was just the two of them now. While she was no longer pressing the issue of the bedroom mystery, she still had a few curious questions in mind. “So which one of the Charlottes do you think will rush for the first dance? Or, should I say the second? Obviously I am always getting the first dance.” Ana lifted her head to look at her big brother with a teasing smile.

With each step Ana took closer to the entrance hall, she could feel her heartbeat quicken. Now that they were out of her bedroom, the reality of what was to come hit her like a ton of bricks. Against her brother she was nearly shaking with anticipation. Oh, she was so nervous. And she hadn’t the slightest idea why. After all, it wasn’t like this was the first dinner party Bae has been invited to.

The thought of the last party Bae attended had Ana blushing all of a sudden. A bit of a naughty thought, but she wondered if it was possible to repeat their escapades tonight. Maybe Ellis can keep Louis Harrington occupied long enough if she promised to be his savior when he gave the signal? Of course, when was she never his savior after he gave the signal? No wonder she was Enemy #1 in the PEFC.

A bit of fanfare introduced the royal siblings to the rest of the party guests waiting at the bottom of the stairs. Ana watched as everyone in attendance bowed or curtsied respectfully. As she and Ellis carefully made their way down the steps, their uncle suddenly appeared with a speech prepared to welcome back the crown prince. A round of applause began as Ana briefly tightened her grip on Ellis’ forearm as she took her last step off the stairs.

In the midst of nearby guests wishing Ellis a happy return back to Eliressi, Ana looked around the crowded entrance hall. There were so many familiar faces. And each time she caught the gaze of someone she knew, and those she did not, she returned their greetings with a bright smile and a warm welcome. She continued this until at last she found the person she had been longing to see.

Her heart once again skipped and leaped. He was just so handsome. The jacket fit him well and she reveled at how well he had cleaned himself up for tonight. Not that she had any issues with the way he presented himself outside the palace. But every so often, she enjoyed being in the company of the former naval officer she imagined he must have been before the attack.

Suddenly, the rest of the entrance hall faded away until it was just Ana and Bae. The only thing that kept her grounded was the pressure of Ellis’ arm against hers to remind her that they were still among company. What she wanted the most above everything else though was to run right over to her love and complete their long awaited reunion.

Not a day goes by without my missing you and I cannot wait to have you back in arms. Soon, very soon.

Their uncle led the entire dinner party into the ballroom. For a brief moment, Ana marveled at the hard work the palace staff put into getting everything set up. They definitely did a splendid job. The tables were set wonderfully and every decoration in the ballroom was just perfect. As soon as they walked into the party, the music started up and brought the last touch to the atmosphere. Ana could feel her heart lighten and sing along with the band. Tonight was going to be a good night. She could just feel it.

There was constant activity as soon as the party guests dispersed throughout the ballroom. Some went to search for tables to sit at for dinner. Others waited for a chance at a brief interaction with the royal family. Ana was naturally a welcoming hostess alongside her uncle and her brother. However, every so often she would sneak a peek towards her love just to make sure he would always be in her sights. She was waiting for her opportunity to pull away from her princess duties to be with him.

The opportunity arrived in a rather unconventional way. Well, unconventional being that she used her uncle’s secret plans against him.

“Mr. Harrington!” Ana cried out, disrupting whatever Louis Harrington was in the middle of saying. “I would like to introduce you to Lieutenant Baelley,” she started, leading the man by the arm over to where Bae stood. At the sound of his name, Bae turned and immediately their eyes met. Ana felt the old giddy butterflies in her stomach. The secrecy of it all always brought a thrill through her body. The thrill only made her want her Bae more.

“I use lieutenant out of respect, of course. He’s now retired from the navy, but regardless I think the title is still well deserved.” In the short pause while Louis Harrington sized up Bae, Ana glanced down at the cane in his hand. A flash of worry appeared on her face. Was he in pain? How was he after the stairs? Then the flash of worry vanished to be replaced with a smile in his direction. “Lieutenant, this is Mr. Harrington. His older brother is close friends with my brother.”

There were polite greetings between the two men in which time Ana witnessed a look on Louis Harrington’s face. It was the same look every eligible bachelor that Ana was forced to entertain had when they were introduced to Bae. Why was he wasting his time?

The answer: Ana wanted to waste their time.

“Lieutenant, you must say hello to His Highness,” Ana said after a quick glance over at her brother. He hadn’t given the signal just yet, but the way the PEFC were migrating toward him it was only a matter of time. As she wrapped her arm around his, she smiled brightly at their third party. “Mr. Harrington, if you will please excuse us.”

“Your Highness!” Louis Harrington cried out as they turned to leave. Ana paused to look back. She caught a timid look on the poor man’s face before he requested a dance from her after dinner.

Ana’s grip tightened around Bae’s arm. She could feel his toned muscles flex under his jacket. “Perhaps I will, Mr. Harrington,” she replied. “If I find you.”

“You look handsome tonight,” Ana told Bae in a low voice. As they crossed the ballroom to where Ellis stood, she could feel many eyes on them. Many in the royal court were aware that she and Bae were friendly. She heard the gossip among the court about their theories that he was her “charity case” after the attack that took her late fiance’s life. However, if it affected her, she never showed it. In fact, while she cannot display her full affections to her love, she has always been proud to be on his arm around these people. What was there not to be proud of after all?

“Are you doing okay?” she then asked, looking down at the cane Bae was using in his free hand. “Would you like to take a break? I can walk with you to your seat that way you can rest your knee. I know the stairs are not very friendly.” She quickly looked over at Ellis to check how he was doing. The bad news was that the PEFC caught up to him. The “good” news was that he didn’t seem to be paying attention to them. Ana’s head tilted to the side slightly in curiosity. Not only was he not paying attention to the ladies surrounding him, he looked like he wasn’t even aware there was a party entirely.

In the seconds between glancing to and from her brother and her love, Ana felt the conflict that typically crept up on her when it involved the two most important men in her life. On the one hand, she was finally reunited with Bae. She should be taking full advantage of this opportunity to be with him. On the other, that distant look on her brother’s face was worrying her. Even now among a crowd of people, he was getting lost in that head of his. She worried that he would end up straying too far if she didn’t intervene.

As she returned her gaze to Bae, she was quick to make a decision. Ana once again tightened her grip on Bae’s arm and walked with him to the table nearest the royal family’s. Before he could move to sit down, however, Ana pulled on his arm to grab his attention. “I’m sorry that I have to leave you so soon. Duty calls.” She directed their attention toward Ellis again. In the time it took them to walk to the table, her brother managed to snap out of whatever lost thoughts he had just in time to catch Charlotte 1 practically shoving herself closer to him. The signal was imminent and she didn’t have much time.

Turning once again to look up at Bae, Ana smiled. Although only he could notice the hint of mischief hidden at the corners of her lips. “Wait for me? Maybe watch over me and keep me safe from afar?” she said at a whisper only he could hear. “Give me an hour. Eat. Rest your knee. Then…” She could feel her cheeks burning with embarrassment. “Meet me at the library?”

As a response, Bae matched her smile and she could have sworn her knees went weak. The effect he had on her over the smallest actions drove her insane sometimes. Flashes of memories and fantasies of her own creation threatened to redden more of her face. She had to calm herself down or anyone that was paying close attention to them would notice.

It didn’t help that at the very same moment Bae took her gloved hand and lifted it to his perfect lips to kiss. Her heart felt like it was about to explode. At the same time, she felt so teased. How she wished she could just remove the damn glove to feel his skin on hers.

In the hour Bae allowed her to serve her princess duties, Ana was a very busy woman. She answered the signal right as Charlotte 2 was about to recite some poem she apparently “just learned” while Charlotte 1 once again tried to shove her way chest into Ellis’ arm. She did her rounds welcoming and chatting with guests. She and Ellis managed to nibble on whatever food they could manage to get their hands on before some other Lord or Lady wished to approach. She evaded Louis Harrington twice; thank you, Ellis. And, managed to wish every minute that she hadn’t asked for an hour.

When an hour finally passed, Ana looked up from her wine glass in time to watch Bae get out of his chair and slither out of the ballroom. Considering his status among the guests, slipping away for him was not difficult. Regardless, that was her cue.

Ana turned to look at her brother. Immediately a frown appeared. “Eli?” she whispered so only he could hear. He blinked then looked at her. “Is everything alright? You have been staring at that door since we walked in here. Are you expecting someone?” He answered that he wasn’t. “Then...doesn’t it have anything to do with what is in your room?” A pause. Ana sighed. She didn’t exactly have time for this. Not while Bae was waiting for her. “Tell you what. You owe me an explanation, but for the time being...I cover for you and vice versa?” Like all things involving the royal siblings, not much else needed to be said. They simply shook on it under the table.

After one last look toward the party and all its guests, Ana slipped under the curtains against the wall beside the side door then left the ballroom. Just as she was about to take a right towards the library, she caught a glimpse of Ellis taking the stairs two or three at a time. He was gone in seconds. Whatever was in that room must be very important. But right now, it is not as important as what was waiting for her in the library.

Bae was exactly where she expected him to wait when she quietly slipped into the library. Her anxious smile turned into a grin as she ran the rest of the distance over to him. Finally, she was given the reunion she wished for all night.

Finally, she was in his arms again.

Ana wasted no time showing Bae how much she missed him over the past week. The way their lips met was almost magnetic. Pulling away felt the very same. But Ana knew they weren’t safe in the library, no matter how big it was. The library was just a meeting spot.

“Let’s go,” Ana breathed when she successfully pulled away from his eager lips. She took his hand and led him out a side exit mostly hidden to those that were not aware of its existence. They walked down a short hallway until they reached the farthest room. It was a mostly empty study that guests typically used. Obviously, a study was not needed tonight...except for them.

Ana watched as Bae checked that the coast was clear in the hallway. After glancing one way then another, he closed the door. She was so afraid that he could hear how loudly her heart was beating in the small study. While smartly furnished, it wasn’t the most elegant. It really had the basic necessities for its size. For the past few years, it was both the exact room they needed and still terrified Ana. Terrified in the sense that she was so afraid this small study would give away every feeling and every thought she had while Bae stood in front of her.

There was no doubt in the whole world that Ana trusted Bae. He was kind and respectful. He never did anything out of turn or forced himself on her. She could never be afraid of Bae. What she was afraid of, however, was how she would behave around him. She did not know how long she could control herself around him.

The window was cold against her back as she felt Bae press tighter against her. In the silence, her ears were drowning in his sounds and hers blending together with the ever present waves serving as a rhythmic background. Words spilled out of her without her giving it a moment to process in her mind. She couldn’t even hear the words she was saying. All she could focus on was Bae and how she made him feel. He was driving her insane. If she didn’t find some way to keep her grounded any moment she would melt into him and never come back. That was why she forced even the smallest part of her mind to focus on the cold window.

Shivers ran along her skin leaving goosebumps across her now exposed arms and hands. The whereabouts of her disposed gloves meant little to her now that she could feel his skin under her fingertips. The flashes of memories and fantasies once again filled her mind and it had her craving for more.

Ana wanted to see him. She wanted to swim in the dark brown eyes that made her feel warm and loved; like she was the only woman in the entire world.

“Darling…” she whispered breathlessly into his ear. Her hands were tangled in his hair while she once again focused on the cold window so that she wouldn’t lose herself while his lips were on her neck. “Look at me…” At her words, she felt him pull away from her neck.

There they were. The dark brown eyes dazzling in the moonlight. He was just so handsome. And he was hers.

Her eyes flickered from his gaze to his lips then up to his disheveled hair. As his grip on her tightened now that they were no longer connected by their passion, Ana brushed a hand through his hair to straighten it to what it was before. Or at least as close to it as she could manage.

She didn’t know where the next words came from. But unlike earlier in the heat of their passion, she heard every word of it. “Please don’t go home tonight. Stay here, in the palace.” Her chest rose and fell heavily and she was almost certain he could feel her heart. “Stay, and be with me.” A pause as she registered Bae processing her request. “Please say yes.” ​

 

[JINFINITE]

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​

The moment he shut the door behind them it was as though a mystical wall had built up around the room, shielding them from the realities they had just run from. It was a little odd to say how familiar he was with this study. It was likely one of the least used rooms in the palace but that was exactly why he had been in it so many times. And to think of the things he’d done in this room...yes that door most definitely needed to be shut. In fact he jiggled the handle once just to be sure it had properly latched before turning to face his love. That’s not to say he had ever done anything extraordinarily wrong in here, but those realities they had run from would have shamed, shunned and destroyed the both of them had they ever been seen together under these circumstances.

Baelley stepped further into the room and then his one free hand reached out towards Ana, silently requesting she come closer which she of course wasted no time in fulfilling. He closed his fingers around her gloved one to squeeze her hand for a second as all the words he had longed to tell her earlier fell out of his mouth one after another. He spoke of how beautiful she was and how awful it had been waiting so long to see her again. He told her how gorgeous she was and how hard it had been waiting this past hour watching her in the same room yet unable to be together. He wanted to say more but he also did not want to waste their precious time alone with words he could very well send in a letter.

He looked away for the first time now but only for a moment as he lay his cane across the top of the desk now that it was in reach. He now had nothing holding him back and he released her hand he’d been holding to instead pick up her other hand which had traveled to his chest while he had been speaking. With his two hands now he pried her hand off of him and then gently proceeded to tug at the glove’s fabric over each of her five fingers until he could pull it off in one smooth movement. However Baelley didn’t put quite the same amount of care into her accessory once he had it off, he half tossed half dropped the glove out of their way and raised her now bare hand to his lips to kiss before repeating the process with her other hand.

He kissed her own lips next, slow and sweetly at first whilst his hand released hers to snake around her perfect waist. Her own arms wrapped loosely around his neck to hold him in place. His fingers grazed over the lacings on the back of her dress but he didn’t dare pursue them as he had her gloves. Freeing her hands was one thing, but to make even the slightest move to remove so much as one layer of her dress was beyond him. That was territory that the temporary safety of this study would not be able to protect them from.

He did however still want more and he was soon forcing her back towards the closest wall. They did not part, neither would break their kiss nor remove their hands from touching the other— until they had reached the wall which ended up being a window, at which point one of his hands moved to the glass to help support himself. Their hips had connected, his leg pressed its way in between hers, and his weight settled against her— only held back from crushing her by his hand on the window.

Time was lost on them. Too wrapped up in one another to be bothered by such a thing. Baelley never left a single space between them, his hand roaming across all he could reach and his lips on her skin every second that he wasn’t talking. But even when he did he only parted enough to feel his own breath reflect off her and back into his face. At one point Baelley’s hand on the window finally slipped and he grabbed onto Ana to catch his balance. Holding her tight now his other hand had traced up her frame to cup her cheek while his face now buried itself in her neck.

There was little that could stop him now, he had longed for a moment like this for so long. The previous couple times she had come over to his little house had been such poor timing on both their parts with Ana expecting and then handling the return of her brother and Baelley had been in too much pain to really be up for any of this. But now he finally had her alone and all to himself. She made him feel so good and he just wanted to return the feelings— she deserved the entire world and Baelley would see to it that she got it and the moon and stars above as well. But the second she called for his attention he gave it, pulling away to do as she requested and absolutely melting in her gaze. The adjustment in their positioning now had him holding her tight, partially for balance and mostly in an effort to maintain as much contact as he could; but he was ready to resume the second she allowed it.

Instead she spoke and even his heavy breath fell quiet as his eyes searched hers as though looking for her true intentions. Was she truly asking for what it sounded like she was? If so then as much as it absolutely killed him to admit, there was no way he could give her that. Not without ruining her future. But perhaps he was getting ahead of himself and lost in his own wishful thinking. Maybe she simply meant to stay in the palace so as to be under the same roof. To save him the journey back home and to save her the trouble of going to visit him in the morning. But Baelley wasn’t so naive to truly believe any of the reasons he was coming up with.
Stay, and be with me.
His heart was beginning to race at the prospect of what this meant. Whether or not she had deeper, more intimate intentions or not, asking him to stay was still just such a next level for them. He was usually only in the palace for events such as this party that they had run away from. Any casual time together was always spent at his house where they were safe from the eyes and ears of court. What would happen if someone caught wind that he was here overnight? He and Ana already got plenty of side looks as it was, but the implications of him sleeping in the palace…

It also wasn’t often she asked something of him like this. Invitations were one thing, or requests when they were together like going to a shop in the village, those were asks which made sense and did not put a pressure on him. But the weight of her words now sat heavy on his still racing heart. He very much so wanted to say yes, not only did he want to please her but he wanted this for himself as well. It was just...this had so much potential for disaster and— ”Yes,” He could feel her relax in his arms as though her very existence had been riding on his response, ”Yes, of course.”

”Are you sure though?” He honestly could not tell her true intentions with this request, ”This is what you want?”

It was. But some time and kisses later and Baelley’s head was still spinning as she helped lead him back towards the desk so he could sit down for a minute. He wasn’t in pain per say, but his knee was stiff after standing in that one spot by the window for so long. He just needed to take his weight off and allow the joint to bend and relax. Not a second passed after he was seated when Baelley took advantage of his grip on Ana and pulled her down onto his lap; so much for taking weight off his knee. The sudden movement brought her so close their foreheads nearly touched and he couldn’t help but smile at the breathless look of surprise on her face. They laughed until he was kissing her voice away.

He would have been perfectly content to just stay in here with her for forever. The feeling of her lips on his was enough to push all his life and the responsibilities that came with it out the door. He felt a strength rising within him the longer they stayed, as though he could do anything so long as his love was here with him. And not to mention that seeing her chest rise with each gasp for air she took spurred on something inside him. There were moments his hand would land just so that he could feel her heart pounding away in her chest and he just fell deeper and deeper into the illusion of safety this room had given them. But alas, Baelley ended up being the one to break the spell first when his eyes glanced behind her to the window where they once stood and he could have sworn he saw his handprint on the glass. It jolted him awake, suddenly very much aware that he had stolen away the Princess of Eliressi should anyone walk in and see him holding her on him, kissing her here and there and everywhere...well perhaps that was at least better than pinning her to the window— no he would be hanged either way.

“We should return before you are missed. I am sure Mr.Harrington is still waiting for his dance,” He had completely lost track of time, as he often did when with Ana, but it would be the end of them if they hid away for so long that a search party roamed the palace and found them there. She seemed unhappy with his statement but Baelley’s hand reached to fix a stray strand of her golden hair and lay one last deep kiss to her now pouting lips.

A knock at the door had Baelley’s head turning to stare at the handle, fully expecting whoever was on the other side to barge in whether or not he granted permission. He held his breath as though he would stay safe and hidden so long as they couldn’t hear him. There was another knock and he ever so carefully rose to his feet and took a hesitant step towards the door, maybe it was best to just accept his fate rather than hide from it. Go down with what little honor he had left after seducing Eliressi’s Princess.

It was late in the night by now. After he and Ana had rejoined the party there had been hours of socializing and dancing both with her and spent watching her with others. But when the party had eventually seemed to be winding down Robert appeared at his side and discreetly requested that Baelley follow him, and after a last glance towards Ana, he did as he was told. It felt as though they had walked for an eternity before Robert finally slowed, and after checking their surroundings, opened a door that led into a small bedroom. His heart picked up speed as he entered the room. Robert was speaking, something about apologizing that there would be no one to attend him so as to keep him an absolute secret but that was perfectly fine and even preferred by Baelley. He didn’t want someone to wait on him, not when he was this anxious over what he had gotten himself into. He was staying in the palace tonight. Robert went on to request that he not leave the room at any point during the night and he would be by in the morning to see him to the palace gates. But even if he had wanted to leave there was no way Baelley would have been able to find his way with the amount of corridors and doors they had gone through just to get here.

When at last Robert left, Baelley leaned his cane by the door and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. He was still completely starstruck over it all and struggling to reason with himself whether or not this was a good idea. He didn’t move from the bed for some time, making no effort to undress or prepare for bed. He was just so lost in thought that when the soft knocks came from the door he jumped back into the present and was fully prepared for the worst. But then Ana’s voice came from the hallway and he heard her softly call his name. That was the release he needed from his built up anxiety and what pushed him to go open the door and let her in.

Truth be told, Baelley really wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting with this whole thing but it certainly wasn’t this. Even though her exact words had been to stay with her, it seemed he had fooled a large part of himself into believing that she innocently meant just staying under the same roof of the palace. Opening the door to seeing her in the hall in just her nightgown sent him into round two of shock. He had seen her in dirty blood stained smocks, he’d seen her in summer dresses and riding clothes, he’d seen her in the more casual attire she often wore when visiting him and he had of course seen her in breathtaking masterpieces reserved only for a Princess like herself. But all of those paled to seeing her now in next to nothing, standing nervously in front of him, practically giving herself to him. His own nerves told him he felt like he was going to be sick with anticipation and he swallowed back the lump in his throat as he fought to find his voice.

In the end all words escaped him and he instead looked past her and down the hall to ensure no one had seen them before stepping aside to let her in. Then like in the study earlier he shut the door behind them and checked it was properly shut before turning to face Ana, ”Are you mad??”
His voice was hushed, partly in disbelief and part worry. But despite his near scolding words he had already closed the gap between them and framed her face with both hands as he kissed her hungrily before she had the chance to respond.

Did he think this was insane of her— of them to do? Yes. But did he regret it? No, of course not. Prior to this moment he would have given just about anything to be blessed with this opportunity to be alone with her like this.

His hands traveled down to her body as he broke their kiss at last to give them both air and for her to be able to say whatever it was she had been about to. She felt so small in his hands now. Usually she had layers upon layers of fabric separating his hands from her body but now...now it was just this single nightgown. He held her tight as he exhaled slowly, his eyes taking her in while she spoke and knowing that there was no way he would be getting any sleep tonight with her in bed like this with him.
​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

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​

At last, after hours of internal torture over the prospect of what is to happen tonight, Ana took a long, deep breath and climbed out of bed. She never once intended to go to sleep once her ladies helped tuck her in hours before. She only wanted them to believe they had done their duty so that they didn’t feel the need to check in on her. Not that they typically did, but she just wanted to make sure.

The moment she made any movement, Bijou woke up from her deep slumber. Her big puppy eyes were the only things Ana could see clearly in the darkness of her bedroom. Before the little puppy could make any noise, Ana rushed over and whispered some reassuring words while offering loving pets. Bijou took it all eagerly and soon enough she was calm enough to enjoy watching Ana walk around the bedroom from her own bed.

“Forgive me, my sweet little one. You will have to stay with Ellis tonight,” Ana explained softly as she crouched down to pick up Bijou. “Will you please keep an eye on him? He’s been acting...off today.” At least, more than usual. If there was anything that could possibly prevent her from moving forward with tonight’s plans, it would be her concerns over her big brother.

After she and Bae returned to the party, the first thing she noticed was that her brother had not returned. In fact, his absence was noticed sooner than hers and the first thing to happen upon her return was the members of Ellis’ fan club bombarding her with questions about his whereabouts. Ana did her best to keep her side of the bargain they made earlier before sneaking out of the party. But there was only so many times she could tell the others that Ellis simply needed some air before they started to question that excuse. Luckily, Ana didn’t need to fend off those doubts for too long. Eventually he returned to the party, but she worried. He looked far more distant and even more distracted than before he left. For the remainder of the party, she kept a watchful eye on him just to make sure he didn’t get himself into any kind of trouble.

With Bijou tucked safely in her arm, Ana pulled her robe around her tiny frame then took one more look around her bedroom. She kept the bedroom undone, just in case one of her ladies did end up coming to check on her. While typically this would be cause for concern - a princess not in her bed when she should be - the palace staff were likely to assume that she wasn’t in her own bed because she had snuck away into Ellis’ room. It wasn’t like this was a rare occurrence.

The halls were dark and quiet. All the party guests had returned to their rooms to sleep off the food and drinks and all around fun from tonight. After taking one final look down both ends of the hallway, Ana quietly slipped out of her bedroom, closing the door as quietly as possible. She then tiptoed across the way to the door directly opposite hers. Much to her surprise, the light was still on in Ellis’ room. A brief moment of worry once again washed over her. Was it a good idea to go through with her plans?

Ana knocked softly then waited. But when no response came, she turned the handle and pushed it open wide enough to poke her head through. “Eli?” she called out. Her eyes searched the large bedroom until she finally found her brother standing at the window gazing out into the sea. “Ellis? Are you alright?” she asked as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her.

She watched her brother closely, taking in that distant look on his face. What was in that mind of his that took him so far away? Did it have anything to do with whatever had been in his room earlier?

At the thought, Ana looked around the large bedroom. Much to her knowledge, nothing was out of the ordinary. There was nothing moved nor nothing added. Only difference she could see was that his bed was unkempt, but that could easily be explained as him getting into bed and then getting out of it. Whatever had been in Ellis’ bedroom earlier was no longer there.

The curious question was at the tip of her tongue as she walked across the bedroom to stand beside her brother. She wanted to know what was keeping his mind so occupied. But the words just would not come out. In truth, she had a theory as to why this was so. She knew, deep down, that if she asked the question she so badly wanted to ask, she would never leave the room for the rest of the night. Tonight, she wanted to put aside her responsibilities. She had someone else waiting for her.

“Ellis?” she started again. Now that she was closer to him, Ellis finally appeared to snap out of whatever thoughts were plaguing him. For the briefest moment, her brother looked at her as if he could not recognize who she was. But before the worry could set in, his usual soft expression he reserved only for her took its place. She couldn’t help but return his look with a gentle smile. “I was wondering if you could do me a favor tonight?” She shifted her hold of Bijou so that she was now perched up between them. “I have something very important to do tonight. I promise I’ll try to explain it in the morning. In the meantime, could you please take care of little Bijou?”

The only sounds Ana could hear as she quietly walked down the halls of the palace was her pounding heartbeat. It only grew louder the closer she got to her destination. God, she was so nervous. Not even deep breaths could calm her nerves. As she turned another corner and made her way down the steps, Ana hugged her night robe tighter around her body for even the smallest ounce of comfort. She just...could not believe she was doing this. What in the world could have compelled her to believe what she was about to do was a good idea?

Then the image of the study popped into her head. The cold window against her back and Bae’s hot breath against her neck. Ana’s steps faltered and she had to lean against the nearby wall to give her knees a moment. Deep breath in. Then out. She bit down on her bottom lip then focused her gaze forward. She was so close now. This was all her doing, now it was time for her to commit to it to the very end.

It was hard to determine just how long Ana stood in front of the spare bedroom she instructed Robert to bring Bae to earlier. A mess of thoughts and emotions jumbled themselves in her mind and in her heart all at once. She was excited, but nervous. Determined, but hesitant. Happy, but frightened. One moment she was ready to knock on the door and make her presence known. The next, she was ready to run back to her room and throw up. But even with the conflicting emotions, she couldn’t quite get herself to make a single move.

She once again tightened her robe around her body as she took yet another deep breath. Honestly with all the deep breaths she took since leaving her bedroom, she was starting to feel a little light headed. There just seemed to be nothing that could calm her pounding heart. It beat so loudly in her chest it drowned out everything. Were someone to walk by right now, she would never have heard their footsteps.

“Okay…” she breathed out. With one final look down both ends of the corridor, Ana dropped her clenched hands to her sides, letting the robe slip away from her front to once again reveal the nightgown she wore. But then that very motion brought back all the nerves she thought she successfully kept at bay. She took one look at the thin fabric keeping her from being indecent and nearly backed out.

Of all the secret meetings she and Bae had, this was by far the most risky one. Long before her ladies helped her change out of her party dress and into her nightgown, she tortured herself over every single lesson she had since she was a child. She could practically hear her late governess rolling in her grave at the prospect of what she was about to do tonight. She was the Princess of Eliressi. She was not supposed to be spending the night with a man; let alone one that she was not going to marry! Ana knew better than anyone else that this very foolish act would cause a huge scandal for her and ruin her reputation forever.

And yet...as Ana continued to stare at the large wooden door keeping her away from her love, she allowed the confidence and determination slowly boiling in the pit of her stomach to fight back. Bae was not just some man. Aside from her brother, Baelley was the most important man in her life. Without him, she honestly felt like she could not live another day. His love and very existence was the breath in her lungs. To love him gave her meaning.

Ana licked her bottom lip. With one more deep breath, she soaked up the growing confidence swelling inside her before the doubt could once again sink in and lifted her hand up to knock on the door.

As soon as the door opened and Bae’s handsome face appeared, her confidence once again plummeted. Ana could feel her expression fall as doubt once again crept its way through her. On top of the doubt, her nerves and anxiety caused her hands to shake. Even if she thought this was a bad idea, it was too late for her to turn back now. She didn’t want Bae to think she was afraid to be with him in this type of situation.

Ana held her breath as Bae opened the door wide enough for her to enter. It took all of her energy to take that first step forward. As he looked to check that they hadn’t been seen, her hands subconsciously moved to clench the thin fabric of her robe. She just needed to hold something to stop the shaking.

Then he spoke and his words cut through her like the sharpest knife and caused every single ounce of doubt to spill out of her. He was right. This was mad of her.

“I’m sorry, my love…” was all she could muster, her voice quiet as the nerves once more took over. This was possibly the stupidest, most ridiculo—

Her mind went completely blank as Bae framed the sides of her face in his hands and pulled her to him to kiss away the rest of whatever she was about to say.

At first, Ana couldn’t help but stand there absolutely stunned and unable to catch up with what just happened. One moment Bae looked as if he was about to scold her. The next they were locked in what felt like the most passionate kiss she’d ever experienced with Bae. He has never kissed her like this before. She could practically feel the eagerness on his lips. Then her wide eyes fluttered shut as his tongue urged her mouth open so that she could taste him. If she hadn’t been holding onto his strong, toned arms, she honestly would have fallen to her floor the second her knees weakened from whatever spell he cast on her.

It was this kiss that assured her, despite the lingering anxiety and nerves, that this was a good idea in the end. She knew that her moment of selfishness was all going to be worth it in the end.

As if he already knew the effect he had on her, Ana felt Bae’s hands move lower to hold her. She made sure to lean all of her weight on him for fear that one wrong step and they would both tumble to the ground. She felt every breath she took as her chest rose and fell against his. She watched as his eyes danced across her, all of her, and thanked the stars that the only light shining in this tiny room was the moon from the window. Were he to see just how red her cheeks burned right now, she would die from embarrassment. She was so used to his eyes always watching her or looking at her. But there was something about the way he looked at her now that made her want to wiggle out of his arms and hide. The way he looked at her now just made her feel so vulnerable. What was he thinking about right now as she stood in front of him in such an indecent manner? Did he feel as she felt...whatever that might be? Or was there something else on his mind?

Ana knew she needed to put her mind back to work if she was to survive tonight. The longer she stayed on her cloud of fantasy, the more she would lose sight of reality. Tonight was the one night she could not lose sight of what was right in front of her. She needed to remain grounded. She needed to remember this as the first night she threw her title and her duties out the window to be alone with the love of her life.

“I’m…” she started again as she let out another breath. “Are you upset with me?” she then asked. Once again the nerves took over and she suddenly found it difficult to look Bae in the eyes. Instead, she focused on a button from his shirt. Wait, why is he still dressed? The party ended hours ago.

“I just…” Ana paused to nervously bite her bottom lip. “I understand this is unacceptable. This is not how a proper lady should be acting. But…” Her hands moved from his arms to rest on his chest. She felt his arms tighten around her waist, pulling her closer. The warmth radiating from his hands was so distracting. For a moment she once again lost her train of thought. His touch was so close to her. It did not escape her mind that there was only one very thin layer of fabric keeping his hands from touching her skin. Once again her eyes fluttered shut.

After a deep sigh, Ana once more opened her eyes. She still could not look directly at Bae. Instead, she focused on his lips. “I wanted to be with you. More than I thought was possible. I mean, we’ve been apart for days many times; like when I travel to the hospital every month. But, something about the past few days without you was just...unbearable.” She paused, licking her lips as the words formed in her mind. “If it wasn’t for my brother’s return and his party, I don’t think I would have survived as long as I did without seeing you.”

She felt his hands move again. A soft gasp involuntarily escaped her and she blinked a couple times to fight the urge to close them. “And then I saw you earlier tonight. You looked so handsome, my darling. I wanted nothing more than to shower you with all the attention I could possibly give. But once again, I was pulled away from you and it killed me. I wanted every single person that kept me from you to disappear so I could hang off your arm and proudly show you off. Or…” No, she shouldn’t continue.

Ana bit back her words, once again dropping her gaze to stare at a spot on his jacket. But then she felt Bae urge her gaze back up and she allowed her head to rise back up. This time, they met his gaze head on.

She was shaking once again; flustered and honestly so embarrassed over what she was saying and thinking. She wanted so badly to break eye contact with him, but his hand under her chin kept her head tilted up toward him. This was his effort to give her the strength she needed to continue. There were no secrets between them. She trusted him with her mind, her heart...and now her body.

“Tonight showed me that I wanted so badly to be closer to you. I can’t—I don’t…” Ana sighed, pulling her chin out of his gentle grip in defeat. Words were escaping her now. All her emotions were just so mixed together she could not find the right words to explain to Bae what she was feeling. Not even her thoughts were coherent. “There is just...something inside me that wants more of you. And the thought of watching you leave the party to return to the village made me feel like I would never survive the rest of tonight. I want...I want to be much closer to you. And the only way I can think to make that happen was to ask you to stay in the palace.”

Ana finally, but hesitantly, lifted her gaze back up to meet his. Even under the moonlight, his dark eyes melted every single part of her body. “Am I being foolish, my love? Am I just speaking nonsense like some kind of child? Do you think me wicked for putting us through such a reckless situation? After all, we’ve been so careful.” ​

 

[JINFINITE]

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”Are you upset with me?”
Truthfully, he was. But it was less feeling angry with her and more so concerned for her. How could she be so reckless like this? Was she even fully aware of how much was at stake here? This wouldn’t end with just a slap on the wrist if they were caught. Ana was young and loved by all, so there was a good chance that once the scandal died down she could recover and still make it in life, especially with her brother being the Crown Prince— he could protect her. But they would be separated, never to see each other again. Baelley would be lucky if he was just dropped on the first ship home and banned from Eliressi. But that would likely only come from someone disapproving of his courting her. Being caught behind closed doors and especially in bed with the Princess...that was a crime punishable by death, and he doubted even her brother’s influence could help save him then. It wasn’t his own life he was worried about though, but rather his life with Ana, and her life without him. She had already lost her fiance, he couldn’t be the one to put her through losing another person she gave her heart to.

All of his anxiety over this was screaming at him to ask her to leave, but contrary to his subconscious’ thoughts his body had other plans and just tightened his hold on Ana while she talked. And talked...and talked…
With every word that escaped her perfect lips she drew him in more and more and his initial frustrations quickly melted into forgiveness. How could he fault her for simply giving in to the very feelings he fought against on the daily? He knew exactly what she was struggling to convey, so much so that it didn’t matter how little sense she made, he knew. After all he too had found their time apart to be unbearable. And he too had felt such an intense attraction the moment he laid eyes on her in her party dress. He had died a little more inside each time he had to watch her leave him to interact with her guests.

Ana fell silent and tried to look away but Baelley didn’t miss a beat as his hand left her waist to tilt her face back up towards him. He needed to hear the rest of what she had to say so his mind didn’t jump to false conclusions. He didn’t want to assume he knew what she wanted. But as she continued she just confirmed his theory as to the nature of her visit tonight.

While they had experienced similar feelings all night, it was very clear that they had processed them very differently. In fact, Ana didn’t even know what to make of hers. Even though they had declared their love for another and shared such words every chance they had, the reality was that she knew nothing of the word. What did love mean to Ana? She loved her brother. She loved the village. She loved being able to help in the hospital. It seemed that up until tonight, love was just another word for care. She cared for her brother and the villagers. She cared for him and the other patients in the hospital. But Ana was learning that there was a physical version of love outside of emotions in her heart, that her body could be affected in ways that logically didn’t always make sense. She spoke of all the things she wanted, but what she was describing was the difference between a want and a need.

She didn’t just want him to stay, she needed him to. The same way he went every day needing to feel her hands on his skin and her lips on his. A part of him had always wondered when this day would come. His Ana was always so sweet and naive; blissfully unaware of what she did to him when she showed up in low cut dresses or ran her fingers through his short hair. The way he often fought to stay sane when she leaned over him in bed or let her touch linger longer than necessary. Finally those feelings seemed to have awakened inside of her and Baelley couldn’t hold back his smile a moment longer. So much for feigning being cross with her, there was little he could ever hide from Ana, and especially when the subject matter was their feelings for each other.

Baelley had longed for this day for years. He was always the cautious one between them; he had never forced himself on her or taken advantage of her royal status. He had restrained himself from acting on his desires and limited his love to showering her with kisses far from the curious eyes of Eliressi. But here was Ana finally telling him that she wanted more out of their secret relationship just like he did. Oh what a torture this was.

His tongue slipped out to wet his lips after having been silent for so long, and his smile faded as the muscles in his face adjusted to allow him to exhale slowly while he contemplated what to do with the information she had just shared. Just because Ana had confessed to wanting more did not grant him permission to go through with it. She was the Princess of Eliressi. But how could he deny her what she wanted after she just explained her heart to him? Baelley had plenty of pride, honor and determination— he had the strength to keep their relationship safe for the both of them. But he wasn’t so sure he was strong enough to refuse Ana’s unspoken request.

“No one knows?” She shook her head, “Not even your brother?” Baelley did not have anything against the Prince, and from what Ana had said, it seemed Ellis wasn’t against them either. But there was still just something…off about him. Just in general. So it was reasonable for Baelley to be wary about Ellis being able to keep their secret tonight. But Ana assured him she hadn’t told her brother where she was going. So no one knew where she was, and it was late at night now, so surely no one would go looking for her. Part of Baelley reasoned with himself that they were safe here, but the other part still fought strongly against giving in to everything he wanted to do.

”You are being foolish, but nothing you have said is nonsense.” He held her waist tight against him, what little space left between them was reserved only for their words to pass back and forth. Well, words and scents. After all her perfume was practically infused into the fabric of her clothes and it was intoxicating being so close to her now. He loved her scent, he always had. In fact some of his foggy first few memories of waking up in the hospital all those years ago were just of smelling a faint waft of that sweetness when she would pass his bed. He had always found comfort in it, and a familiarity when everything else in his life had been altered. But never before had it been this strong. After all her scented undergarment was exactly that: under. Under the many layers of her dresses. Now it was all she wore, and that comfort feeling it once gave him had shifted to one of desire.

As if on cue his fingers gently clenched, scrunching the fabric of her slip. His mind and heart were still at war inside him over how to handle this situation but until they came to an agreement he still had one worried Princess to calm, ”Perhaps I am foolish as well...you asked me to stay, and so here I am.”
He knew very well how reckless this was but he had still gone against his better judgment and stayed for her...for him? For them. He had stayed for them, and so what was the point of all this risk and stress if he didn’t let them live a little?

He released his grip, smoothing out the creases of her slip as his hands moved across her body just for the sake of contact and feeling her at his fingertips. Then without warning he dipped down, his hands quickly moving to adjust his hold on her until he was lifting her off the floor and her arms quickly grabbed around his neck to hold on. The bed wasn’t far and in just a few paces they would reach their destination for the night.

It seemed that Baelley was going to continue to ignore the voice of reason in his head tonight. After all, he knew better than to be carrying her. He could lift her weight, and quite easily at that. But this was not a matter of could or could not, but rather should or should not. It was late and at the end of a long day, this was when his body should be resting to make it through tomorrow, not adding more strain to recover from later. And not to mention that lifting her from a standstill was such deadweight compared to lifting her during a dance number where she could assist by timing her leap into the air. But even if she protested the action there was little she could do from her position now. Especially with the way her dress had ridden up in such a way with the movement that it left his hand supporting her legs to hold her bare skin.

She was flustered speechless by the time he was lowering her to sit on the edge of the bed, and Baelley paused a moment to let her remember to breathe— or maybe she needed his help with that. He leaned down, pressing his lips to hers, slowly, deeply, and with purpose. Gone was that desperate rush from when she first walked through the door, she was here and she was his and that knowledge allowed him to take all the time in the world to ensure she could feel his love.

Had she been just about any other woman he would not have stopped there. He would have had her lay back on the bed and her dress would have been pushed up out of his way while his mouth made its way up the inside of her thigh. But despite all the dizzying hormonal fog clouding his brain, he still had the self control to not get ahead of himself. If he was going to take the risk of being here with Ana tonight, then he wasn't going to do anything he would regret.

”I’m glad...” His face was still so close to hers having barely separated after his kiss. And his hand started near her temple before running through her blonde hair as one might try to calm a child, ”That you asked me to stay.”

But this position was putting a strain on his back from leaning down to her and so he would have to adjust before he could resume reassuring her that this decision they had made wasn’t all bad. As he straightened up the quickest flicker of pain shot through him until the relief of standing upright settled in. His hands had left Ana now for the first time since she walked into the room but he wasted no time in occupying them with the task of removing his jacket. That was all he managed to take off though before Ana hopped up from her place on the bed to help. She couldn’t seem to sit by while he fumbled with the many buttons of his outfit, and especially considering the ones clasping the legs of his breeches shut meant bending down to reach them. She had helped him countless times when his broken body left him incapacited, and while a part of him always hated feeling so helpless, he would be lying if he said he didn’t find some pleasure in her touch. And even more so now in this moment with the looming sexual tension so thick in the air. But as Ana’s hands stilled, Baelley regained his present awareness to take note that while his shirt was undone, leaving the deep neckline open to expose much of his chest, it was still tucked into his underbreeches which Ana seemed hesitant to tackle. It seemed to Baelley as though without him being in crippling pain or otherwise helpless she had lost her usual bravery and determination. In this moment the circumstances were very different from what either of them were used to.

He didn’t want to pressure her into more than she was comfortable with, but he also did not want to leave himself open to the temptation of acting on anything that would ruin their night, or more specifically Ana’s. He tugged his shirt free from the confines of his waistband, then gathered the fabric in his hands and in one long motion tugged it up over his head. His chest now visibly rose and fell with each breath he took. While Ana had set each layer of his clothes aside with such gentle care, Baelley allowed his shirt to now slip through his fingers to fall on the floor, his other hand reaching for Ana’s to bring her back towards him. He then placed her hand on his chest as she had been before, his eyes watching her as best he could in the poorly lit room. She seemed slightly confused, as she had through all of her earlier rambling, but Baelley kept his hand on the back of hers and pinning it to his chest, ”You said you wanted more...yes?”

He allowed her this moment to do as she wished and waited for her verbal agreement before pulling her hand off him now and leading her the last step back to the bed where he waited on and helped her up first before quickly joining her. She had pulled back the blankets already, seeming prepared to climb under them as if to go to bed, but Bae took the hem from her and dropped it back to the mattress.
”Lie back…” Her confusion seemed permanently etched on her face but she was still so willing to please.

But Baelley did not dare position himself over her in any way that would come off as dominant or commanding—he also was not even sure if his body could handle that...he had not had that chance nor reason to try ever since he lost control of his body. Instead he placed himself at her side so that his one arm propped him up, his other reached to run his thumb across her cheek, “I want you to tell me if you want me to stop.”

Even though it was just the two of them in the room, he still spoke so softly as if afraid someone would hear them. It was a husky whisper of sorts, a voice reserved for intimate moments such as this. And his touch proved to be just as gentle. After kissing her again he made his first move as he trailed his hand down her neck. It wasn’t as though he had never touched her before tonight, but it had certainly never been so passionately. He traced over her entire frame until his hand landed at the furthest point he could reach without straining himself. His hand was on her outside thigh and he let it rest there a moment, drawing tiny circles in the silky fabric of her dress as he leaned in for another kiss. He was occupying her entirely. Not giving so much as a second for her mind to wander, ”Do you trust me?” There was that voice again, meant only for her ears.

His touch was light, just barely skimming over the fabric as he moved oh so slowly back up her leg. The entire time he watched her face closely to see her every reaction. When he reached her hip he increased the pressure of his touch and slowly moved his hand across the sensitive skin of her pelvis, separated only by her thin slip of a dress. Not that he had even tried, Baelley was unable to hold back the slightest smirk, a knowing smile, when his fingers brushed over where he knew no one man had touched before and her body jolted at the new stimulation and an audible gasp escaped her lips. Ana’s legs squeezed together, partially trapping his hand for a moment but he pulled free so as to not further torture her with pleasure and instead rubbed her waist encouragingly. He knew that he should not have done that. Especially as it was just minutes ago that he had been on the verge of scolding her for her own indecency. And yet here he was being so bold as to act on his. But Baelley’s eyes didn’t stop searching hers for the slightest sign of discomfort, she had said she wanted more but he had given it to her knowing fully well that she knew not of what she had asked for. So he was prepared to stop should she tell him to.
​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

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As she slowly and finally regained consciousness, the first thing to come to mind was how much her body hurt. Not exactly pain per se, but...well...she couldn’t quite figure out what this pain was. It was like her body felt heavy inside, like every move she attempted to make weighed her down. She was not used to this sensation, and honestly, it frightened her in a way she was taught never to feel. Being this frightened made one hesitate. Being this frightened made one dead.

The next thing she came to realize was that she was definitely not where she was before she lost consciousness. Her last and rather faint memory was the tiny rocks that clung to every part of her body after she pulled herself out of the water. Now she felt not even one tiny rock on her scales...wait.

As soon as the thought came to mind, her eyes shot wide open. She was most definitely not where she last remembered. The skies up above were gone and she was faced with a darker sky. Not the same kind of dark sky she was used to seeing when the bright sun was gone. In fact, she could feel the presence of that very bright sun...just not where she was right now...wherever this was. Everything about her surroundings was off to her; unfamiliar. She didn’t know what to make of any of it. The closest she could relate to her surroundings were the large floating objects like the one Your Highness was on, but the ones that sank to the bottom of the water. It put her on edge how...closed off everything felt. If she let her fear consume her, she knew she would soon feel the need to fight her way out of this...this prison.

Where was she? How did she even get here? Who found her after she lost consciousness and brought her all the way here?

And...what in the world was she lying on?

It was not often she laid down. She typically slept upright; it was easier to keep herself on alert that way. So to find herself lying down after what she could only consider as sleep felt odd. All of her weight was across her back and it only made trying to move, on top of this new pain sensation, difficult. Had she not known any better, she would have thought that she no longer could move.

Obviously, having woken up in such a brand new environment, her mind was reeling with thoughts all running a million miles a minute. They were jumbled together and just when she thought she had one thought prominent in mind, another two or three would jump right on top to try and gain a lead. It was for this reason that when she finally found the strength to lift a hand up to look at her fins, she found she was no longer as shocked by the sight. She was, of course, still shocked. After all...she was not staring at her fins.

What had she been told the humans called these things that were not fins? Fin..Fingders? Fingters? Fingstuff? She stared wide-eyed at her human fins, unable to figure out how she felt about them. So this is what happens when her kind leave the waters to go on land. They don’t die like the excruciating pain had her believing. No, all the pain she felt was to prepare her to survive on land. On the inside, she still felt like what she really was. Her senses and constant need to fight to survive were still there inside her; albeit still unclear after all she went through earlier and now waking up with all this unknown pain. But now, she looked like the humans that moved about above the water. She now looked like Your Highness.

She was still in the middle of staring at her human fins when she noticed something strange on the fingpers. Strange dark markings took the place of the patterns she knew were on her fins. They were the patterns that helped her find her people; her colony. They told her who she could trust and not to trust.

When she lifted her other human fin to rub against the markings, they did not disappear. In fact, the harder she rubbed, the darker they grew. Would she see these kinds of markings on other humans?

Her thoughts soon caught up to her enough for her mind to go quiet. Or at least quiet enough to leave one last thought for her to linger on: Where was she? Nothing looked familiar to her. Of course it didn’t. She had never been above the water before to know any place but the water. But maybe if she moved around to explore the area she could get some idea?

That was when her thoughts stopped abruptly. It was the one thing she hadn’t thought about until now. She had to try to move more than her fins. As she dropped her fins back to her sides she became acutely aware of the new sensations pressing against her body. Another weight pressed above her. It wasn’t heavy, but it made her very aware that it was there. This very weight made the rest of her body difficult to move freely. Each time she tried to even wiggle she felt herself being pushed down more. It took a lot of her mental capacity not to panic and grow violent. The one thing she knew for certain was that she was alone and if she were to make even one noise she could alert whatever was nearby that she was awake. She was not ready for that confrontation just yet.

She lifted her head up to look down at the rest of her body. Just as she suspected, it was covered by this thing that was weighing her down. Was this supposed to be used to keep her imprisoned? Did she have to think of a way to break free from these restraints on top of figuring out how to escape?

She started small, bringing her fin up to touch the top of the restraint. Only, as soon as she wrapped her fingbertons around the top did she notice how weak they were against her. In fact, with just a flick of her fin it was entirely off her body to vanish off whatever this thing was that she was lying on. Now she could see the rest of her new human body.

Just like her fins, her scales were completely gone from the rest of her body. But what really took her attention the most was the absence of her tail. Memories of the pain from earlier returned; feeling like she was being ripped in half from the bottom up. So this was why she suffered the worst pain of her entire life. Her body was making way for these human parts called…. Actually she couldn’t remember what they were called. But they made humans look silly under the water the way they constantly flailed them about to keep from sinking. Now she had her own pair. Her own pair that she now had to move to get out of her.

Oh...if only it was that simple.

Every single move she made once she was made aware of the rest of her human body were the hardest movements she made in her entire life. Everything felt heavy and unfamiliar. It didn’t help that this thing she was lying on dipped under her every time she made even the smallest movement. She honestly felt the panic rise up in her when she attempted to sit upright and thought it was going to eat her alive. But when it didn’t, she kept trying not to think about it. The hardest movements she had to make were getting her human tail to move. Each time she tried to lift or sway them, it was like getting shocked by jellyfish. She hissed under her breath as she tried to move one of them, the closest one to the edge of this careful trap. Then, as she gripped the trap under her, she carefully moved the other.

Now she knew the hardest part was about to begin. She needed to figure out how to use these human tails. Right now they hung over this large trap. The good news was that it no longer hurt to move them. The jellyfish-like shock was gone, but what remained was how uncomfortable and unfamiliar it felt moving them. She stared at the distance between the bottom of her tails to the floor. She knew she had to drop down to it if she was going to escape this trap. Was it even a trap? Surely all this movement she was doing, it should have restrained her by now.

If she was going to make her move, she needed to do it now. Hesitating meant that her captors would return sooner and give her less time to escape. Even if she had no idea how to use these human tails, she just had to trust that she would quickly learn.

But as soon as she dropped them to the floor, all her weight dropped with her and her entire body fell. She never realized how much weight these human tails needed to hold to keep these humans upright. She looked down at her tails. They were bent toward her and shaking from the shock. This was definitely going to be more difficult than she believed.

From the floor, she looked around her for something sturdy; something that will help hold her up. The trap or not trap she was in earlier was not going to do it. It was too weak under her touch. One dip and she feared she would be on the floor again. But the thing under the trap might? Her arm still stung from when she crashed against it on the way down to the floor. It was definitely hard enough to keep her weight. So maybe if she dragged her body to one of the poles at the ends she could use it.

That is exactly what she did as she used all of her upper strength to pull the rest of her body towards the nearest pole. One grip around it told her that she was right. It would have to do. After dragging her body closer to the pole, she wrapped both fins around it and used all of her strength to pull up. She kept pulling until her human tails had enough room to straighten out then kept all of her weight in her arms until she felt her tails were strong enough to hold her weight.

When she finally felt confident that her tails could do the job, she loosened her grip on the pole and let her body grow accustomed to this. She never thought she would ever have to depend on her tail to keep her upright like this, especially the very bottom of them that just looked so odd and silly. How can something so small carry all of the weight above it like this?

In fact, how can these help her move while upright? How do humans do this???

She reached far back to the last memory she had watching humans move above the water. The men that came to take Your Highness after she saved him. They bent their tails just like she did when she used her under the water. But instead of doing them together, she remembered them bending them one at a time. Bend then extend the tail in front of her until the bottom of it touched the floor again. Then repeat with the other tail.

Okay...seemed simple enough.

She just had to try it for the first time and then get used to it.

She looked around her for a moment trying to find a destination to practice. She found a smaller version of the trap or not trap. Surely if the bottom of it was made of the same material as what she was holding right now, it will hold her weight.

The humans made it look so easy. If they can do it, so can she.

She watched her tails the entire time while refusing to let go of the pole keeping her up. Bend at the middle. Extend out in front of her. Keep it straight as she dropped it back down to the floor.

But...when she tried to put it back down, she found that she hadn’t moved a single inch. It just...dropped back down. She was missing a step somehow.

Bend. Extend. Drop.

No.

Bend. Extend. Drop.

Still no.

Bend. Extend. Drop.

Nothing.

She was definitely missing something. What made humans move forward?

She looked down at her tails again. What was she missing?!

After staring at her tails for a rather long time, she had an idea. It risked the possibility that she might fall back to the floor, but she had to try something.

Slowly, she bent at the middle once again. Slowly, she extended it out until it was straight in front of her. Then, before she dropped it to the floor, she shifted the weight of her body forward with the tail. As she did this, she dropped the tail until it was on the floor.

She blinked. She just moved forward. So that was the trick. It wasn’t just letting her tails do all the work. The rest of her body had to cooperate. Well...that just made things more difficult for her. But she still had to keep trying so that she could get out of here and once more find Your Highness.

Okay. Time for the next tail.

She focused both on making sure her extended tail carried most of her weight and making sure her other tail was ready to follow the first. Just in case, though, she tightened her grip around the pole. Bend the tail. Extend it to exactly where the other was now. Begin to move all weight for—

“You’re awake!”

All concentration on her task vanished as her eyes darted toward the noise. At the same time, the weight around her middle felt like it had been pushed back to where it was earlier and as a result it pulled her tails back to the beginning. But instead of them planting at the start, they completely crumbled under her and she watched in horror as the floor came quickly closer to her.

Everything happened so quickly that it wasn’t until she was once again on the floor did she realize who was responsible for the distracting noise. It was only when she saw another pair of human tails approach her did she finally look up to see who her captor was. All it took was one look at his face for her to realize she didn’t have anything to fear. At least...not entirely.

It was a force of habit. As Your Highness approached her quickly, she scrambled as much of her upper strength that she could muster to drag her body away from him. As a result, she banged her head against the structure holding the trap or not trap up. White lights blinded her vision while it felt like her head shook from the inside. It hurt terribly and caused everything to spin.

When her vision once again cleared, she found Your Highness blocking her entire surroundings. All she could see was him. And he looked very different from how he was under the water. If anything, he looked even more enchanting.

She found herself getting lost in his eyes. They danced between two familiar colors; the ones of the water. It was as if she was back under and she found calm in them.

“Y—” Even on land it sounded so strange. She struggled to mimic the sounds she heard from the humans that called to him before. But each time she tried to speak, it tickled her throat uncomfortably and caused her to lose confidence in her efforts. But then she would back into his eyes that reminded her of the water and she gained confidence to try again.

“Y...Y...Yo...Yo...Yo...Yooooouuurrr...H...H...H...Hi...Hiiiiiii...Hiiigh...n...n...neeeeeess.” She looked up at him slowly, wondering if she had said it correctly. ​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

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Ana’s hands stilled right above the final button of Bae’s undershirt. She couldn’t understand the hesitancy. After all, she has undressed him countless times in the almost five years they have known each other. Too often Bae’s pain and crippling state have left him unable to do some of the more basic actions like dressing and undressing himself, so she always offered her services gladly to make his life easier. She couldn’t understand why tonight was any different. Sure, he wasn’t in pain and he could obviously undress on his own. She just wanted to be helpful. His suit obviously had more layers than he was used to and she was so accustomed to these said layers from the countless times she has helped her brother undress when he was too weak. Why now did her mind suddenly put a hard stop on what she knew so well?

There wasn’t much time for her to think about all this as she watched Bae finish the task she could no longer complete. Her eyes followed as he slipped the fabric off his scarred skin then dropped it to the floor. She was very aware that he left on his breeches and she could feel her face burning. It didn’t escape her the many memories from back in the hospital when she was told by the nurses to leave Bae’s room when they removed any clothing or revealed anything below his waist. Maybe that was the reason she had hesitated earlier? At least it didn’t seem to bother Bae much that he was keeping them on.

Now that they were both comfortably prepared for bed, Ana thought the last of her nerves were finally over. All they needed to do now was climb into bed, pull over the covers and spend the rest of the night in each other’s company until one of them fell asleep first. That was exactly how it was with her and Ellis. She couldn’t see how it could be different now. Right?

But the way Bae spoke to her now in that low whisper told her that he definitely knew more than she thought she did. And even in the darkness of their small bedroom, she could feel how intensely he looked at her. Once again her face burned and she wanted so badly to just hide it from him. But as she laid beside him while he adjusted his position to be more comfortable, her arms and hands fell limp on either side of her. She couldn’t read the expression on his face right now. Whatever he knew was supposed to happen tonight, he was not going to share with her.

In an effort to distract herself from the nerves that were once again bubbling up in the pit of her stomach, she focused on the blankets Bae had pushed aside. What had he meant by more? Was there more that they could do together while they were in bed together? Sure, they could enjoy being in each other’s arms for as long as they wanted. They could talk. And, of course, they could sleep. What more was there left to do for two people sharing a bed?

“I want you to tell me if you want me to stop,” Bae then said in that low whisper. Stop what?

Before she could ask, Bae moved in close to her to kiss away her questions. She didn’t know what to do now. While, yes, she very much enjoyed his kiss, she found it a bit distracting that at this very moment she had absolutely no idea what to do with her hands. Should she hold him while they were kissing? Should she adjust her position so that they were more facing each other? What should she do with herself instead of laying on the bed like a stiff log?

And also, what about them kissing was supposed to be her indication that she wanted him to stop? She never, ever wanted him to stop kissing her.

Ana finally stopped worrying enough to roll ever so slightly onto her side to better face him, once again resting a hand on his now bare chest. As she continued to kiss him, she kept herself grounded to the moment by focusing on the scars under her fingertips. She focused on every bump her fingers traced as she moved her hand up and down his chest. When she couldn’t feel a scar, she focused on how warm his skin felt or how quickly his heart was beating compared to hers. All of this was doing well to keep her mind from wandering. So long as she could focus on the now, she never had to worry about ruining the night for the both of them. If this was what they were going to do for the remainder of the night, she had no problem with it.

But then he pulled away and the doubts suddenly flooded back in. Her eyes shot open, worried that she had done something wrong. Once she found his gaze though, she saw that she hadn’t done anything wrong at all. He still knew more than she did about their time together. It was when he asked in that low whisper if she trusted him that Ana became hyperaware of the placement of his hand on her thigh. When did it get there? She could feel the warmth of his touch radiating through the thin, silky fabric of her night gown and it was just so distracting. Her mind couldn’t focus for even a second to understand why he was speaking in such a way. Everything he said right now didn’t make sense to her. What in the heavens did he know that she obviously didn’t?

Ana fell silent for a moment, her gaze once more dropped to avoid looking at him. She focused instead on how her hand traveled across his bare chest. She watched as her fingertips brushed against his chest hair, as they traced the scar right above his left peck. Down to the long scar just below his rib. She gulped back the threat of tears as the memories of that night rushed over her. Of all the scars that Bae now carried with him for the rest of his life, this one hurt Ana the most.

At the same time, it was the memory of this scar that taught her one thing: Bae trusted her with his life.

So, surely, she could trust him with hers even if she didn’t know exactly what she was supposed to be trusting him for.

Ana’s hand dropped off his chest as she looked up once more to meet his gaze. “Yes…” she replied in a whisper.

As soon as she said this, she couldn’t pluck up the courage to look at him any longer. Her cheeks burned from the way he looked at her. His gaze was so intense and full of purpose. He wanted to watch her for reasons unknown to her. So instead of meeting his gaze, she watched as his hand slowly and gently traveled back up her thigh. It made her nervous the way the fabric of her nightgown traveled with his hands, revealing more of her bare thigh the higher he went. A part of her wanted to reach down to fix the fabric and continue to keep herself covered. But the higher he moved, the more she felt as if her body was no longer her own. It was as if she was ready to jump out of her own skin to watch what he was doing to her.

It was almost as if a fog was rolling through in her mind. The higher Bae’s hand moved up her body the more difficult it was to think straight. Ana couldn’t even keep up with whatever was going on with his touch.

That is why the moment he applied pressure between her legs she thought her mind was going to explode. Ana gasped as her body stiffened, starting from where he touched her and then spreading throughout the rest of her body. When she could at last think straight, she realized that one of her hands was now clenching his arm in a firm grip.

What…. What was that? What had Bae done to her to make her physically react that way? The jolt and shock of what just happened still made her head spin. Even as Bae rubbed and caressed the area around her hips she could not get her body to once more relax.

Her breathing was heavy now. Her burning cheeks spread throughout the rest of her face and she was just so glad that it was fairly dark in their room.

“Bae?” she called out softly when she found her voice. “What did you do…”

Instead of giving her a straight answer, Bae instead asked if she did not like it...whatever it was. Her brow furrowed as she stared at her clenched legs. She still hadn’t relaxed them after what he did to her.

“I don’t…” she breathed out. “I don’t know. How did you…”

“Is...is this…” Ana tried again after a couple more deep breaths. By now her thighs were no longer clenched tight together. “Is this your idea of more? Is this why you told me to tell you to stop?”

Ana plucked up what little courage she had left to look up at Bae. The once knowing look on his face was replaced with worry. She then became aware that his hand resting on her hip was still. Had she don’t something wrong? Said something wrong? Did she just ruin the rest of their evening together?

No, she did not want their night to be over. She will not allow their night to end with anything less than the pure happiness they felt being together. Whatever if she did or said, she had to fix it no matter what.

“I don’t…” she started slowly, releasing her grip from his arm. She rested it tenderly against the side of his neck to force him to look at her. “I don’t want you to stop, my love. If…” The deep breath she took pushed up against his chest. “If you believe this is what I meant by having more of you when I couldn’t even determine what more meant, then...I trust your judgment. Completely.” Her other hand moved to the other side of his neck while the one before moved down to where his rested on her skin. She took it gently, guiding it once more down her thigh until they felt the hem of her nightgown. Together, they lifted the fabric up. “Please...show me what you truly meant by more.”

Even though she thought she was prepared for it, the jolt his touch brought on was still so shocking. But unlike before, he didn’t stop. In fact, Bae continued well after the electric-like shock subsided and all that was left was...well...how good this felt.

Ana’s eyes lightly rolled up as they fluttered shut. Her hips swayed along with his movements. As her hands moved from the sides of his neck or brushed through his hair, the only sounds in their bedroom were her moans.

“Oh, my love…” she breathed out in response to his continued low whispers. His words were encouraging and instructing. He reminded her to relax. He guided her to an understanding of whatever it was she was feeling right now. Then once more reminding her to relax before telling her that she shouldn’t be afraid to let go.

But...what did that mean? Better yet, how did he know exactly what she was feeling even well before she felt it? Why did he know so much more about her own body than she did?

It was suddenly very difficult to focus on how good this all felt to Ana. Sure, Bae continued, but Ana was far too distracted by these sudden questions to enjoy all of these new sensations. She opened her eyes and found herself staring confusingly at the ceiling.

“Bae?” she called out to him breathlessly. “Please...wait….”

The moment she said this, the good sensation throughout her entire body disappeared and she watched as Bae pulled his hand away and out from under her dress. She could feel him looking at her, but once again the nerves and anxiety from earlier refused to return his gaze. On top of that, she realized that she was also embarrassed by what happened.

After a deep breath, Ana pulled away from Bae so that she could push her up into a sitting position with her back against the headboard. Her hands were now folded together on her lap. “I’m sorry…. I just…. I got distracted?” she tried to explain.

As Bae adjusted his position beside her and voiced his concerns, she simply shook her head and dropped her head. “You did nothing wrong, I promise,“ she reassured him. “I just…. I think I let my thoughts get the better of me.” Bae once more voiced his concerns while Ana tried to form the words that were swimming in her mind. Could she even express what she was feeling right now without showing how embarrassed she was?

“It’s just…. Well…. I feel like…. The thing is….” Ana let out a frustrated sigh, pulling her knees closer to her chest. “I don’t...understand how you know so much about how I should be...feeling while you were doing...that.” Being this honest now was torturing her. Her face once more burned and she buried it deep into her knees to hide it.

She didn’t say anything for a long time while her mind worked hard to catch up with all that happened up to this point. One moment she was lost in how good Bae made her feel. The next she was trying to piece together all of it. How he knew what she meant by more How he could possibly know how to touch her the way he had. How he knew exactly what she was supposed to feel long before she felt it herself.

Finally, a thought formulated in her mind. Hesitantly, she lifted up her head. Not to look at Bae though. No, instead she looked directly in front of her at the unlit fireplace across the bedroom.

“Baelley?” she started nervously. “Were there...others...before me? Other...w-women?” God, she was so ashamed to be asking such a question. Of course there had to have been other women before her. If she believed that Bae was handsome now, surely he had to be before the attack. He was also much older than her. By the time she had blossomed into a woman, he was already a few years into his manhood. Surely, even before he found himself stationed on a ship docked in Eliessi, he had a life before her.

“I mean, of course you must have had romances before me,” she quickly continued...although she was unsure why. “It would be foolish of me to even think that I was the only one you have been with. After all, I was betrothed to Henry. You must have had a life long before you came to Eliressi. Then again...it’s not like I did things with Henry that I do with you….” Ana sighed, pressing her forehead into her hands. “But...what I mean to say...is...these other women...or, woman...I don’t know...have you...spent the night with them before? A-And...done what you just did...to me?”

Ana was losing strength and energy to fight the thoughts that suddenly plagued her mind. There was no doubt about it that her handsome Bae could have wooed any woman before he was cursed with this crippled existence. And with two older brothers before him, surely he learned something from them if he hadn’t taught himself. And maybe, just maybe, he bestowed that knowledge onto another woman...here...in her kingdom. Some other woman in the village must have experienced his low whispers in her ear offering soothing words, complimenting her and encouraging her to relax and enjoy the moment. Some other woman in one of the buildings below enjoyed exactly what she was enjoying earlier. So...what made her any different?

A whole new feeling bubbled in her stomach. It was like a fire under a pot of water that was quickly boiling. She shut her eyes tight as she hugged her legs tightly against her chest and once more buried her face into her knees. She wanted the images to stop. She didn’t want the women in her village, the women she knew since she was child, to plague her with images of them laying in bed beside Bae, her Bae, while they enjoyed his touch and the electricity it surged throughout their bodies.

“I’m sorry…” she said through the fabric of her nightgown. “You must think me foolish. Like some silly little girl pretending to be a grown woman…” ​

 

[JINFINITE]

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Never in his lifetime had Baelley ever seen this happening. This was like a dream from the deepest darkest depths of his mind come to life. They had had their moments here and there, and there was no denying that the intensity had been growing between them. But this? This had never seemed even remotely possible. There were just so many elements keeping them apart.

For so many years he had lived believing he could never be intimate with another ever again. Not that that had been particularly high on his list of personal priorities, but as he had become aware of his growing feelings for the young Princess there was no denying that his painfully crippled lifestyle would hinder any and all advancements he would have made for any other woman. He had been unable to walk, or hold himself upright, he could not even close his hand to grasp hers, he was not even sure whether his body would still respond to such things so of course anything like this was so far from what he ever imagined to be possible.

And then there was the ever looming difference between them. She was royalty, the Princess of Eliressi. Beloved by all and purer than the purest angels in heaven above. While he was nobody. Nobody of any importance at least. Having been discharged from duty and living now in a foreign kingdom, Baelley had nothing to his name. Even his house was not by his doing. Of course he did not think poorly of himself for his situation. He had long come to terms with it and was comfortable with his current life. It was just that undeniable fact that he was not worthy of being in such close proximity to Eliressi’s golden child. To be this intimate with her. It was so wrong by societal standards. And Baelley had accepted that too. He knew from the very beginning that he could not hope for anything to come from this as he simply would never be allowed to have her.

But yet...here he was, mere breaths away from her face watching as she squirmed and melted under his touch. He could not take his eyes off her. Was this a dream? She looked so beautiful and perfect and Baelley’s heart was racing in his chest at this development in their love. Ana was reduced to sounds, soft moans that while he was not a stranger to them, it just hit him so much harder than ever before. But while he would have loved to just listen to her fill their room, he was also very much aware of everything that was happening. Baelley was not so lost in his own lust to not be attentive to his dear Princess, he knew this was all new for her and the last thing he wanted was to leave her feeling overwhelmed. So he let his own voice join hers to whisper sweet nothings of reassurance. He loved her, and he wanted to be sure that all five of her senses knew it as well as her heart surely did.

The second his ears perked at his own name, his fingers slowed against her in hopes of making it easier for her to speak, but what she said next was not at all what he had been expecting to hear. He had been prepared for it, after all he had been the one to tell her to let him know if ever she wanted to stop. It was just...he did not think she actually would. One moment she seemed on another plane in all this new stimulation and now without warning she wasn’t. Or rather… it was as though something had come up to drag her from heaven back down to earth in the blink of an eye and Baelley immediately ceased all activity, ”Ana?”

He shifted uncomfortably as he pulled away from her, a combination of his broken body and then the torture of how quickly the fire between them had been extinguished when she requested he stop. Even without the flames he still burned for her but Baelley forced his full attention on Ana now as one hundred questions ran through his head.
“Are you alright? Did I hurt you?” She insisted he didn’t but she was so closed off now so clearly something was wrong. But as she voiced her confusion his immediate concern relaxed ever so slightly into simple worry, ”Was it too much?”
Perhaps he had dove into this too strongly, after all this was her very first time experiencing any of this. His perfect love had been so sheltered here in the palace, so even if she had been enjoying it he wouldn’t be surprised if it had all become too overwhelming for her.

They shouldn’t have done this, but the pressure had just been too much for either of them to take any longer. It was however a little difficult to distinguish who pressured who into this situation. After all Ana had been the one to invite him to their library escapade earlier in the night and then asked him to stay the night. To stay the night with her specifically. But she was so pure and naive. She hadn’t a clue as to anything they had just done, so when it came down to it, Baelley was to blame for this. He should not have given into his own urges. He knew better. But then Ana found her voice and clarified that this wasn’t about the nature of what “more” meant to them but rather she was asking him about others….other women.

The candle immediately flickered to life in his head as he quickly pieced together what she was saying. He let her speak her mind uninterrupted, he wanted her to feel heard even if he already knew what she was getting at. She was jealous, but she didn’t even understand what she was jealous of, and that naivety brought a soft smile to his face. He of course did not want her to feel this way, but it was hard to deny that small ego boost that came with knowing how badly she wanted to be his and for him to be hers and only hers.

”Ana…” She didn’t move, ”Look at me.”
The calm, commanding, confidence in his voice pulled her head up at least but Ana’s eyes wouldn’t meet his gaze. He didn’t say anything else for a moment knowing he needed to be careful with his words now, but in their moment of silence he reached to fix her hair and tucked a strand out of her pretty face and behind her ear. Baelley let his hand linger, his thumb gently caressing her cheek, ”Foolish no, I never expected you to know any of this. You are perfect my love, if anything I am the foolish one. I should not have pressured you into this. I am so sorry.”

Never in all his years of service had he met neither sailor nor soldier who remained celebate. There were the small handful who stayed true to their one waiting back home for them. But none of the unspoken for men would ever turn down sharing a bed with a woman, and Baelley was no exception. While he didn’t seek out a woman every night or even every port, he still had had his fair share of pleasurable nights, ”Yes, it’s true I have been with others.”

”But none were like you and Prince Henry. That is to say, I have never been betrothed to anyone. I’ve never been in love with anyone. Not until you.”
Baelley paused to see if if any of that sank in before slowly continuing, ”Sailing can be very lonely, trapped at sea for weeks at a time with only your fellow men around you. It makes one yearn for companionship, particularly that of a woman.” He hadn’t anticipated feeling this at all, after it was not like he had ever done anything wrong. His past experiences were his own and he had no problem sharing them, but explaining this to Ana now he suddenly felt...almost embarrassed? Not of himself exactly, but she spoke the truth in that she was but a child still and it showed in how little she knew of the world.

He needed to push his own feelings aside for the moment though to try and help Ana understand even just a small piece of what had happened between them, ”It felt good, right? Well it did for me too.” This only earned him a confused look from Ana who was quick to open that jar of worms as she asked how that was possible. He had been so entirely devoted to pleasuring her, and she hadn’t touched him like he had her, so how?
It was not easy, but Baelley soldiered on through his attempt to describe arousal and how simply being with her made him happy. How making her feel good in turn made him feel good. And it was that feeling that men and women craved and brought them together in bed.

But again Ana circled back to the previous women he had slept with, her question now showcasing her new understanding was how common this was and that anyone could do it. Baelley’s heart dropped at her words, she didn’t directly say it, but he could tell what she was getting at. She didn’t feel special about this if people just went around sleeping together just to feel good for a night. This was such a hushed and taboo conversation for her being a young woman and a Princess at that, and here he was shattering all she thought she knew.

”No, Ana it’s…different when you love one another.”
Baelley adjusted his positioning again now, sitting up the way he had been was wearing him down, and now that he was confident that Ana was neither hurt nor upset just...confused, he finally felt comfortable relaxing his own posture. He groaned softly with the effort as he lowered himself to lay on his side, the adrenaline high fueled by the excitement of their intimacy had worn off and his body was quick to remind him he was no longer as agile as he once was, ”Come here…” His voice had dropped back to that whisper reserved only for her as his arm reached up to physically maneuver her down to lay beside him so that they were face to face.

His hand settled back against her face, his eyes patiently waiting for her to meet his, ”It’s alright to feel confused, or even scared— truthfully we should not even be here. You know this...Ana, my love, this would ruin you if word got out that we shared a bed in any capacity. The Heavens are cruel to have placed you on a throne and me on the ground, when had you been born a commoner we would not have to hide away like this.”

Baelley’s hand now left her cheek to trail down her neck, her shoulders, down her waist to gently pull her closer to him. He had no further intentions, he would not pressure her again tonight, but he still wished to feel the warmth radiating off her perfect skin. He was no stranger to being shirtless around her, the majority of his major wounds had been on his upper body and midsection after all. She had seen his chest go from being torn open to the scarred and sculpted strength that it was now. But what was different was now literally feeling her against his skin. The heat she gave off and the silkiness of her dress...if they could not progress further tonight then he at least wanted to drown himself in those small pleasures. Her face was so much closer now and his hand returned to frame it, ”I love you, and I am eternally yours. I don’t want you to ever think otherwise. To sleep with someone is not the same as to be with them and there is no one I would rather be with.”

He leaned in to kiss her deeply, his lips conveying what words alone could not. He wanted more than anything to please her, for her to touch him, for them to make the final leap together. But Baelley was also painfully aware of the reality of their situation and he would not press their luck any further. If this was as close as they could be then he would accept it, just as he had accepted all the other aspects of his new life.​

 

[JINFINITE]

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Ellis’ eyes lingered longingly on his closed door as he and his sister left her room once they had both finished changing. Would the girl be alright? Had she woken up yet? Would she be warm enough? He had left a pitcher of water and a cup for her, but surely she would be hungry when she woke up. Would she wake up soon? Maybe it would be better for him to skip the party and wait at the bedside, just to be safe—”Ellis.”

There was a soft sternness to Ana’s voice, a clear indication that this had easily been her third or even fourth time trying to get his attention. But when he turned to look at her there was just confused and concerned curiosity in her eyes as she glanced over to his door and then back at him. It was at that very moment that Ellis decided he could not tell Ana of his secret, not yet at least. He knew his sister well and she would be unable to help herself. She would worry and get involved and before he knew it his secret would be taken away from him. That’s why the only way to keep his secret safe was to keep her a secret, which meant that Ana could not find out. Not yet at least, not until Ellis himself had a better grasp of the situation.

”Ana~” He mocked her tone teasingly, trying to shake that look off her face and bring her bright smile back as he gently tugged at her arm that was wrapped around his. It seemed Ana was not going to push him any further about his room and for the time being was content that she was able to redirect his attention back to her. The next few minutes while they walked would be the longest he could concentrate on anything other than his secret though. He entertained Ana’s teasings while they walked together but with each step away from his room he felt a soft tug at his heartstrings and a strange feeling filled him.

It was strange in that it did not make sense to him. It was not the same concerned feeling he had felt earlier. No, what he felt now was much more personal; he missed the girl upstairs in his bed. How does one miss a person they do not even know? Well Ellis could not even begin to explain it, but it was certainly very distracting for him when he was supposed to be focusing on all of the guests who had come to welcome him home. In fact Ana’s grip on his arm was likely the only thing keeping him grounded at the moment. He would greet someone, and by the end of his sentence he was already ready to move on to the next. Or to just skip the formalities all together—but Ana led him on as they made their rounds. Their connected arms served as a leash for the both of them in that whenever one would start to stray the pull of their arms would reconnect them and help to refocus their mutually distracted minds.

Soon enough though his dear sister left his side, no doubt in search of her naval officer, leaving Ellis alone and very much vulnerable for attack. And his attackers wasted no time—the ladies of court that is. Each curtsied as they greeted him with bright smiles on their faces and Ellis had little choice but to turn away from the direction Ana left to now face his adoring fan club. Despite how chaotic it was in his mind at the moment, he was able to return each lady’s greeting and address them all individually one by one. His dreamlike princely charm and kindness came instinctively, it was not forced behavior for him and so even in his distracted state he was able to complete his duties without strain…for a while.

Ellis did his best to listen to their every word but soon enough he simply lost interest. All it took was one glance down to his hands and his thoughts were racing out of the ballroom and leaping up the stairs two at a time back to his room. He stared down at his own hand, turning it over and slowly closing it as he remembered in great detail what it had felt like to hold his secret in them—how small and delicate her hands had been. His thumb pushed against the rings on his fingers, moving them around as he remembered those strange markings she had on her fingers. Were they some sort of brand? Like for a slave? Or maybe they were for artistic purposes, or religious? Perhaps she was part of some nomadic tribe. She certainly did not seem as though she were from around here, not with that color hair.

It was at that moment that Ellis raised his head, mentally he was still far far away, but physically his eyes refocused on the girls immediately surrounding him. None of them compared to that unnatural shade of blonde that his secret upstairs had. The closest would have to be Charlotte’s yellow hair—Charlotte number one that is— but…no that wasn’t quite right. His eyes scanned the room and were quick to narrow in on Ana’s golden hair. That was closer….but his secret’s pale hair had rivaled even that of his dear sister. It had been practically silver!

It was Charlotte to now break him back out of his thoughts as her body pressed against his in such a way that would have been considered indecent of her had it not blended in so well with the commotion of the party. As it was, no one else seemed to witness her slightly lewd behavior but it certainly helped in dragging his mind out of his room and back down to the ballroom. As Ellis looked down to see where they had made contact he suddenly felt a hyper awareness shoot through him as he both saw and felt her bosom pushed tight against his arm. However this sensation only served to further scramble his thoughts as the memory of running a cloth over his secret’s naked body now clashed with the feeling of Lady Charlotte invading his personal space in such a way that normally only Ana was allowed.

But when Ellis made an attempt to take a half step back he found that she practically moved with him. He couldn’t do this anymore, this was getting to be too much. He usually had an astounding amount of patience and could skillfully talk himself out of many a situation, but tonight just was not one of those times. He pulled his arm free from Charlotte’s grasp and ran his hand through his hair with a sheepish smile on his face as he rushed through a half apology to Charlotte. Why, though? Why was he apologizing to her when she was the one intruding on him? Because that’s just who Ellis was as a person. He just wanted to make everyone else comfortable even if it was at the cost of his own…but that was also where his dear sister came in.

As Ana swooped in and placed herself between Ellis and the other ladies he could feel a breath he had been holding finally release in a heavy exhale, ”Please, do not leave me again,” He whispered half jokingly as Ana succeeded in steering the both of them away to find others to socialize with, but despite his request it was only an hour later when Ana broke the news to him that she would be leaving his side yet again. While it was true that Ellis’ mind was elsewhere that night, he was not so far gone that he could not piece together what his sister was up to. He had a solid inkling that she was not going off just to catch a breath of fresh air by herself, and Ellis held her gaze in a moment of silence as he processed her request amongst the chaos and clutter taking up space in his head. She was leaving him…but for how long? He’d be left to fend for himself at this party?? Well, it was a party in celebration of him, he should be enjoying himself rather than thinking of it as a chore. But as he watched Ana make her hasty getaway it took all of three seconds for Ellis’ focus to shift.

He would surely sound insane trying to describe it to anyone, but he could physically feel each step Ana took away from him. It left him vulnerable and exposed and—his heart skipped a beat as a pull from the door grabbed at him. The magnetic attraction was so strong that Ellis did not stop to put his own alibi in place as Ana had, he was not thinking of the consequences as he slipped out the door nearest to the royal siblings’ stairwell.

The party was now long gone from his thoughts, as was his sister. Even the beach, his most favorite place in the entire kingdom paled in comparison to how strongly he wanted to return to his room at this moment. But more specifically he just wanted to return to his secret.

Who was she? Where had she come from? How had she ended up on the beach—on his beach?! The villagers were not permitted to be on that strip of beach. It was a safe little alcove between the cliff sides that was reserved for the palace, but of course Ellis was the only one to truly utilize it as a beach and not just a display of wealth like his uncle.

It was clear she had washed ashore but the skies had been clear for days, no storm had come through and there hadn’t been any sort of wreckage around her. Had she been thrown off a passing ship? Or jumped to safety? Was she running from someone or something? A brief panic gripped his already racing heart, but it wasn’t out of fear for himself or Eliressi, but rather for this girl he knew nothing about. She had shot to the top of his priorities and the thought that she was in danger hurt him in ways he had never experienced before.

Once Ellis reached the hallway he shared with Ana he finally slowed down, both to catch his breath and to make a decision as for what to do. He of course wanted more than anything to enter his room and just gaze at his secret for all eternity, but a blip of an idea managed to surface in his busy head and had him staring at his sister’s closed door. Ana was at the party—or not anymore—but she would not be back up here for quite some time. And the poor girl in his room had no clothes of her own. Surely Ana would understand if he just—

A soft thud from his room immediately shifted his gaze to his door instead and had him questioning whether or not he had actually heard something or not. It would not be the first time he hallucinated a noise, in fact he had lost count of the times others had denied hearing the same noise he explained to them. But this time he at least had some evidence behind the noise, there was a girl in his room and so if she had woken up it was very possible she was moving about.

Ellis changed course from Ana’s door to his own, a soft shaky breath falling from his lips as he drew his hand up to the wood. His knuckles floated, mere centimeters from the door as though about to knock, however after a moment’s pause he dropped his hand down to grip the handle instead. One would think that having been groomed since birth to be the crown prince of Eliressi that Ellis would have higher self preservation instincts: such as to not bring home strange women, leave them unattended in his room and then enter unarmed without telling a soul where he was. But Ellis wasn’t scared, not of her at least. He was nervous, sure, however scared was not a word he would use to describe how he felt standing just outside his room.

Despite a noise inside being what drew him to his room, Ellis was still surprised to see that the girl was not only awake but on her feet—well, she was until his entrance startled her. Everything went in slow motion as he watched her hit the floor, the entire time he was trying to reach her and cursing his legs for not moving quick enough. Abandoning the heavy door it swung shut behind him, a movement which would have potentially been concerning had Ellis been in his right mind. As it was however, the concept of someone finding him here and discovering his secret flew over his head while he knelt to the floor just before her.

He later would not remember the specifics of the next few seconds, there was just far too much going on inside as his heart and mind fought one another for control.
”Are you alri…” His voice trailed off mid sentence, the worry and concern on his face getting replaced by a slight flush of color as a moment of clarity reminded him of his current situation. Ellis’ eyes dropped to where she sat on the floor and proceeded to slowly rise back up, taking in how perfect and unmarked her skin was, and how close he was to her while she was in this vulnerable state. But just as an excitement began to well up inside, his eyes reached hers and his breath caught in his throat. There was no more concern whether she had hurt herself, no more nerves or exhilaration being so close to her, it was just him and her. Her and him. The two of them in silence with only the ocean waves in the distance to fill the room.

There was this eerie sense of familiarity with her, to the point that Ellis longed to reach out and touch her. It felt as though that was something he should do, as though that was something he normally did with her. But before he could make any such moves it seemed as though she were trying to say something. No one in the palace who had any experience in dealing with Ellis would ever believe what happened next, but for the first time in all his years on Earth he exhibited calm and focused patience. Those were three traits that did not come easily for the prince, and certainly never at the same time.

Patient and calm were his usual days. Often caught daydreaming and not “completely there”. The current Prince Ellis was very different than he had been as a young screaming baby. Not much ever seemed to bother him compared to back in his childhood.

Calm and focused were his rare days, his best days. The days he was able to make level headed decisions. But patient? Often not. Those were the days the ocean fog in his head lifted and he was quick and busy in his actions. He could be impulsive on those days, and stubborn, creating an ambitious side that had he not been so ill half the time, would have made for excellent traits as a ruler.

But focused and patient? That was the worst combination. That was the chaos within taking over and waiting out every scenario and circumstance until it got what it wanted. That was the combination that had him sleepwalking and defying orders to stay inside when all he wanted was to go outside.

So the presence of all three was simply unheard of. Yet here he was, devoting his everything to this girl who he knew nothing about—however it seemed she knew who he was. That really should not have come as such a surprise to Ellis, he was the Crown Prince after all. But between her appearance and the slight accent to her voice, she truly just did not strike him as being from Eliressi.

The soft, welcoming, and charming princely smile appeared as he reached a hand out towards her with his palm up. His intention seemed quite obvious, offering his hand so as to help her back on her feet; Ellis was willing to break all royal protocol and allow her, a commoner, to touch him behind closed doors. But she did not seem neither phased nor interested in making physical contact with the prince. In fact….she seemed to care less about the Kingdom’s pride and joy and more about the shiny rings around his fingers.

Ellis’ smile faltered as he watched her next actions. He simply did not know how to react as she rotated her entire body to try and see the backside of his hand. When she did make contact it was to grab his hand with both of hers—with much more strength than the situation called for—and turn it over so that the back of his hand was now facing up.

”Uhm—” His voice seemed to startle her intense concentration as her eyes flickered almost warily to his own for a moment before focusing back on his rings. She even went so far as to pull his hand closer to her as though wanting to examine the gold and silver and stones in great detail. But while the girl was drawn specifically towards the large ruby on his index finger, Ellis’ own attention had returned to fixating on nearly absolutely everything about her. From her physical features such as her long silver hair, to the more physiological ones, like the way her chest moved with each breath as though her heart were racing. In fact he could have sworn he could hear it pounding away in her chest…or was that his own heart he could hear? Maybe it was just the waves crashing on the rocks down below…

He carefully adjusted his positioning so that he sat more comfortably on the floor before her now. Ellis wanted so badly to pull her up to her feet and wrap her in an embrace and—he took a sharp inhale in an attempt to ground himself as his thoughts ran away with him. He had been on the right track though in wanting to cover her up, it was not right to leave her sitting so exposed on his cold hard floor. He slowly shifted his hand over so as to be able to close over hers and once again catch her surprised gaze as their eyes reconnected. Ellis’ breath caught in his throat for a split second before he was able to swallow his excited nerves and find the rest of his voice, ”What is your name?”

Shyness was to be expected, he was the prince afterall, it would have been surprising for a young lady to be quick to respond and especially under such circumstances. However Ellis was not expecting such unsurity from her. He held his breath as she awkwardly muddled through repeating the word “name”, followed by “Your Highness”. She did not end with a questioning intonation though, in fact if anything her voice fell flat and without recognition of what he was asking. Maybe she truly was not from Eliressi, or even a neighboring kingdom, she clearly was not comfortable with the language. Yet that one little detail circled back to the front of his mind: she had known who he was.

He moved suddenly now, verbally requesting that she let him help her up but without waiting for a response to do so. Ellis’ grasp was on her forearm, gently pulling her up with him while he got to his feet. But once they were up and standing so close he felt his entire world shrink until it was just the two of them. As if standing atop a tower above the clouds and time simply ceased to exist. And for a split second as he stared down into her eyes he could have sworn there was a shrill ringing in his ears and an almost weightlessness passed over him as though on the verge of fainting. Was this vertigo to do with having moved too quickly?

However Ellis was not so far gone that he was at risk of collapsing back to the floor. If anything he was more aware of his present situation than ever before as he blinked into the realization of how close they now stood. The color rushed deep into his usually pale cheeks as he released her and even went so far as to take a step back, averting his gaze as his prior surge in confidence dropped below normal levels.

”Forgive me, I—let me…” He was stammering now, unusual behavior for him, but then again this entire scene was unusual for him. Ellis was quick to move to the side around her to reach for the lightweight throw that covered the foot of his bed and once in his hands he turned to drape it over the girl’s shoulders, his fingers brushing against her bare skin as he did so. And just like that he was gone again, back on that tower surrounded by clouds, watching her skin beneath his fingers until she whipped back around to face him. There was an almost frightening intensity about her, yet not a single bone in his body told him to fear her. If anything he felt content, safe even. As though standing at the ocean’s edge even amidst a winter storm.

The water brought him such tranquility, even as its roughest waves smashed smaller boats to bits against the rocky cliff sides. In that same sense there was something almost animalistic about this girl before him, yet he was unafraid and continued to swim in that sense of familiarity he had for this complete stranger.​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

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​

Ana thought that they could put aside all that came between them for the rest of the night after Bae reassured her with his kiss. She truly believed this as she welcomed his warm embrace to comfort and quiet the last of her thoughts. She thought that everything was once again okay between them as she combed her hand through Bae’s hair in her efforts to lull him to sleep. But as soon as it went quiet and still around her with Bae’s steady breathing the only sounds in this tiny room, all Ana’s thoughts returned. And they returned with a vengeance so cruel she was unable to get a wink of sleep after she wrapped her arms around her love and buried her face into his chest.

She had no clue how many hours passed since Bae fell asleep. However, she has counted the many times she tossed and turned since he pulled away to lie on his back; which was seven. She wasn’t holding such an unconscious decision against Bae, of course. His disability made it impossible for him to sleep on his side for too long before the muscles and nerves throughout his body complained and required him to move onto his back.

Ana turned onto her own back, making this the eighth time she’s shifted on her side of the bed in an effort to get to sleep. It didn’t take very long for her to realize that this wasn’t going to cut it either. Neither the crashing waves out the window nor Bae’s slow and steady breathing were going to quiet the thoughts that were still plaguing her consciousness. As she forced her eyes shut, she prayed for the thoughts to quiet and disappear. The more they stayed with her and kept her awake, the more she felt as if her heart was going to crack at every angle and threaten to break.

There was no doubt in her body, heart, mind and soul that she was in love with Baelley. She was hopelessly and unwaveringly devoted to him. And he felt the same way; he said so himself. They were the last words he said to her before she convinced him that they should call it a night. He had work in the morning, after all. But the sad truth was, despite clinging so desperately to those last words, there were things Bae said beforehand that were fighting just as hard to cause doubt to seep into her heart.

The mind could be such an evil enemy sometimes. One moment it could fill one with pure bliss and joy. The next moment, it could rip that happiness away with just one sentence. For Ana, it was everything Bae said prior to reminding her how much he loved her that overpowered what she knew and felt was true about their relationship.

Ana breathed yet another sigh as she once more turned onto her side, her back now facing the sleeping Baelley. She dug her face deep into the soft pillow wishing again and again for the thoughts to stop. He loves her. He is hers, eternally. There is no one else that he would rather be with than her.

Others. He said he has been with others before her.

How could Baelley say that to sleep with someone is different from being with them??? How could he even consider that what they did tonight was any different from what he has done multiple times with others? How could he lay beside her, wrap his strong arms around her and confidently say that being with her tonight was any different than when he had been with the previous others?

Ana clutched at her chest, the tightness becoming more unbearable as more questions formed in her mind fueled by this ever growing doubt. She couldn’t stand this pain anymore, whatever it was. Never once has she felt this way in her entire life. But why? Why was she feeling this at all?

Baelley loves her. Baelley is hers, eternally.

But…was he really?

Ana turned once again, moving onto her other side so she was now facing the sleeping Baelley. Her Baelley. Her Bae. He is hers. Every part of him is hers.

Only…as her eyes trailed down his bare chest and mapped every single scar she knew so well, she wondered just how much of that was really hers. How much of him remained since he survived the attack all those years ago? The same attack that took away her fiance, but gave her the man sleeping so peacefully beside her on this bed.

This very bed where they shared what she still could not wrap her head around what at all happened. Her body stiffened as the memories of their actions earlier returned and took center stage in her mind. She was reliving the events so vividly it caused her entire body to burn to the point she felt uncomfortable being under the sheets. As she pushed the sheets off her body so that they now only covered below her waist, she shifted in her spot once more so that she was resting on her back again. She then closed her eyes. However, it was not with the intention of finally falling asleep. No. Her mind was racing too much that the thought of sleep had nearly vanished. She closed her eyes to block out the sights and sounds of the room she was presently in to return to the very same room only hours before when it was her and Bae and their exploration into wanting more from their relationship.

A soft moan escaped her slightly parted lips. Her hands clenched tight on either side of her as her heart and mind raced. The memories of Bae’s actions earlier were still so clear and so vivid despite having lost all senses the moment he touched her in the way he had. She still could not understand how he knew what to do to cause her body to react the way it did, but the more she recalled how his very fingertips brought such an electricity throughout her entire body she gradually cared less. His whispered words in that low, deep voice spurred what she could only describe as a fire in her.

Her breathing grew heavier as she continued to remember the ways he made her melt under his touch. The longer her mind remained in this memory the more it tortured her that she was laying wide awake while he was right beside her sleeping through it all. She wanted him so badly. She wanted to feel his hands all over her body again and his hot breath against her neck while he whispered deeply sweet words about how much he loves her.

What had he called this earlier? Arousal? How was it that she could still feel this arousal for Bae when he wasn’t even touching her? Was this what he meant when he told her that he felt aroused just by touching her?

Her mind was spinning with a million thoughts and questions. But at the very core was a frustration that she could not shake. No amount of tossing and turning to find the right comfortable position could resolve it. She groaned again, turning one more time onto her side. Except that she overestimated the space between her and Bae. Her leg nudged him under the sheets, causing Ana to freeze over the anticipation that she just woke him up.

But he didn’t wake up. Instead he stirred in his sleep then moved his leg away from her before turning his head away. His breathing steadied seconds later.

Ana fought through the burning frustration to once more watch Bae sleep. They had worked so hard together over the years to get him to this point where he could sleep peacefully with very little discomfort. He really has come such a long way from the nights when he was bedridden at the hospital unable to get comfortable through the many bandages that once covered his body. Now, despite the slight restrictions in how he can sleep in bed due to the lifelong side effects of his injuries, he could rest peacefully and move his limbs without struggle. Now, they could share a bed together.

So long as they were private about it….

It honestly astounded her how quickly the fire that burned inside her from being so aroused by the thought of Bae could go out at the right thought. Or, the wrong one.

It disappointed her just how fickle her emotions were. She thought that such feelings as arousal would be difficult to disrupt and yet here she was once again thwarted by her own thoughts. These very thoughts that she denies herself the audience it so desperately desires.

Because the truth was, if she allowed these very thoughts the time of day, they would remind her that she was, indeed, being a foolish little girl in a grown woman’s body.

All her life, Ana was taught and prepared for the duties that came with her title. When she was a child her late governess drilled into her teachings and life lessons that were to prepare her for the day she was to enter into society. To be a proper lady. She lived and breathed proper etiquette and when to utilize her knowledge depending on her audience. She knew how to act among her peers and her superiors. She also knew that all of her teachings and life lessons were to prepare her for the moment that her title, and all that came with it, would be used to find a suitable marriage. All her life, she knew that she needed to think in the long term about her future prospects; to only focus on a handsome match with the right man to continue her kingdom’s bright future.

And she did just that when she was introduced to Henry. He was a prince. While he was not a crown prince just like Ellis, their prospect of a betrothal was the handsome match her uncle and Eliressi’s advisors were looking for. It would open trade relationships between their kingdoms, boosting the economy for Eliressi. Sure, her tiny kingdom was doing well on its own. But even she knew that to expand their businesses to Henry’s kingdom would serve Eliressi well in the long run. Ana knew she was doing her part as the Princess of Eliressi. And when she was finally at the age to come out and join society as a woman, she proudly prepared for the next chapter in her life: to be a wife.

Except that her whole future came crashing down when her fiance’s ship was attacked on their way back to his kingdom to finalize their engagement. Only seven from the ship survived. Henry was not one of them.

It was then that her entire world and her priorities shifted and changed. In the days directly after the attack, Ana lost sight of the distant future that she was so well prepared for. She no longer saw a handsome future as a wife and, hopefully, a mother. Everything she learned to prepare for as the Princess of Eliressi no longer served her as she watched the seven survivors fight for their lives in a small house in the village that belonged to the village physician. She watched in near shock as he worked elbow deep in blood and wounds that were near fatal. Most especially one lieutenant with open wounds so deep she thought it a miracle he was even breathing.

The days after she lost her fiance to the attack were very rarely spent grieving her loss. Instead she kept herself busy being of use to the village physician who was working as hard as he could to keep the survivors comfortable and, well, living. At least until they could safely transfer them to the kingdom’s only hospital hours away from the village. Ana received a crash course in medical care: how to properly clean a wound, how to correctly apply a bandage, when to know if a wound was infected. Her late governess would turn in her grave were she to ever find out the Princess of Eliressi walked around in blood covered smocks tending to wounded soldiers instead of grieving attire to mourn for her loss. Grieving for the dead was not going to help the living.

Ana scooted closer to her sleeping Bae. After watching him sleep for a little while, she reached a gentle hand out to him to brush a stray strand of hair away from his face. For the briefest moment as she watched his bare chest rise and fall steadily, she offered a prayer of thanks that he was here with her tonight; that he had survived the near fatal wounds that kept her at his side every night to make sure she didn’t lose him all those years ago.

Long before she fell in love with Bae, she learned a life lesson from him that she would find difficult to shake. It was this very lesson that made it impossible for her to even think about the same long term goals she once considered important for her future. Through his fight and willpower to live despite his many injuries and fatal wounds, he taught her to live every moment in the present; to never take the life that is given for granted. Because without warning, that very same life could be taken away without a moment of mercy. This lesson is why she has failed for six seasons now to find another suitable match; long after she has finished her grieving period for her first fiance.

This lesson is also the reason why she has let herself fall in love with a man well below her station; to enjoy and appreciate her present life with him and all the happiness it can and does give her.

That is not to say that this revelation came easy. After all, she was only sixteen when she realized she was no longer grieving for Henry and her heart had healed enough to let Baelley in. Years passed before she allowed herself to consider her feelings for him were real. And even more time passed before she braved the chance to discover if he felt the same for her.

Those days felt so far away now. It felt like a lifetime ago. Nowadays Ana couldn’t even imagine what her life was like before Bae became such a pivotal part of it. Sure, there will always be some days when that past will catch up with her, but she only allowed it a moment of her time before she returned to what was most important; their love and how it fueled their life together day after day.

Of course, one very prominent thought has often come and gone from her mind; a thought rooted from the previous lessons she once held so dear to her way of life.

She wished she could marry Baelley; to be the wife he so deserves.

Ana’s hand trailed down his face to caress his cheek tenderly. But while her touch was filled with nothing but the pure love she had for him, her heart was slowly breaking once again.

Baelley was right. As much as she wanted to live every day in the moment with him, she can never run away from the unfortunate truth that their love, as beautiful and perfect as it is, can never leave the four walls they constantly hide themselves in. It is this truth that always hurts her the most. It was just not fair. Why does she have to hide her perfect love from the rest of the world just because she was born above him?

A heaviness clutched at her heart as she pulled her hand away from him. Her eyes swelled with the tears that threatened to fall. This wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair. They deserved to be happy together outside these four walls that kept them safe. They deserved a whole life together filled with love and happiness.

No. It wasn’t just that. It wasn’t just that they deserved happiness. It was that Bae deserved it more. He has been through so much already: surviving the attack on his ship, fighting through his life altering injuries, picking his life back up in a whole new kingdom away from his own. And then there is Ana, whose only loss was that of her parents and her fiance. Her life continues to go on with the world at her fingertips. She still has her brother. Her kingdom is still thriving. Bae, on the other hand, continues to fight through every day with one foot in front of the other with their love as a luxury he so rightfully deserves. But he deserves more. More than just a love that could never be proclaimed to the world. More than just secret kisses and library escapades. More than just a foolish little princess in a grown woman’s body unable to keep up (and accept) his worldly experiences.

He deserves someone he could share the rest of his life with, who can be with him at every waking moment. Someone he could proudly share a bed with.

He was right, she could never be that for him. No matter how much they loved each other, it would never be enough. And Ana couldn’t help wondering if Bae considered these shortcomings too….

Ana suddenly found it difficult to breathe. She felt trapped in this bed even with the sheets so loosely over her. Her entire body felt both heavy and fragile at the same time. One wrong move, or even a breath, could cause her to fall apart at any moment.

And the longer she looked at Baelley, the more she felt as if her entire world would end.

She slowly and carefully swung her legs over the side of the bed. After one quick glance over at Baelley to ensure he was still asleep, she climbed out and reached down for her night robe. As she wrapped the robe around her, she walked over to the other side of the room to a lone chair sitting right beside the wide window that looked out onto the sea. That was the beauty of the palace. No matter the room, the sea was always there to sing its melodic lullaby and offer a bright “good morning.” But for Ana, the sea below offered her a calming companion when she needed one the most.

As a wave crashed against the cliffs below the palace, she sniffed back tears on the brink of falling. Maybe Baelley was right after all, about tonight. Maybe they shouldn’t have done this. She shouldn’t have invited him to stay with her in the palace. They shouldn’t have explored more opportunities for their relationship to blossom and grow. She was such a fool.

She sniffed again at the very same time there was stirring movement on the bed. Had she not been preoccupied with her heart wrenching thoughts and the tears that came with them, she would have noticed Baelley carefully sitting up and looking for her.

“Ana?”

She gasped, turning her head toward the sound. Only she wished she hadn’t. The moment her eyes locked with the warm brown eyes she loved, she felt her heart stop and sink to the pit of her stomach. It wasn’t her intention for him to see her like this.

“I’m sorry,” she sniffed, turning her head abruptly away from him as she wiped away the last of her tears. “I didn’t mean to wake you. Please go back to sleep. You have to work in a few hours and I would feel terrible if you left while still tired.” She shut her eyes tight, cursing her inability to keep her voice from shaking so much.

When she heard shuffling from the bed again, Ana turned slightly to check that Baelley was going back to sleep. He wasn’t. In fact, she watched as he carefully climbed out of bed and approached her.

“Please, Baelley, go back to sleep,” she said, turning her head quickly away from him. “You need not worry yourself about me. I’ll be there in a moment.”

It was too late. Her view of the night sky and the moon high above was blocked by Bae’s looming figure. But she did not dare look up at him. Even if she sat in his shadow, he would still see what she wanted so desperately to hide.

“Darling, look at me.” His voice was in that whisper again. But instead of it calming her, it hurt her more. She shut her eyes tight then turned her head away.

“Ana.” His voice was stern now. Not in the disciplinary sense. He just wanted her to look at him.

She sighed. “Please, it’s nothing. I’ve already said you need not worry–” But he wasn’t having it. Without saying much else, Bae once more asked for her to look at him. She knew then that he wouldn’t do as she asked if she didn’t do as he asked first.

The look he gave her was soft, but concerned. Even through the darkness, she saw that he knew he had every reason to worry. As soon as their eyes met, he insisted she tell him what was wrong. That, however, was the last thing she wanted to do.

Did she have the strength to lie to him? Especially if she knew it would be for the best? Could she protect him from the pain she felt just so he wouldn’t have to once again play the adult in their relationship?

No, she wasn’t considering lying to him to protect him. She was mature enough to be aware of those motives. She wasn’t considering lying to him to protect him. She was protecting herself from the fear that if she shared what she was feeling as he looked down at her, he would truly look at her like a foolish child.

“Please, talk to me.”

Ana closed her eyes again. They felt so heavy, but more importantly she wanted to shield herself from the pain of having to watch him as she revealed what has now plagued her broken heart.

“I’m sorry,” she said softly as she opened her eyes again. However, she kept her gaze lowered, focusing on her hands resting on her lap. “I’m so sorry, my lo–” The words caught in her throat.

She swallowed before continuing. “I was so selfish; so foolish. From the very beginning. You’re right. I should– I should never have asked you to stay here tonight. I should not have asked you to hide away with me here in the palace. It’s not fair to you. You should be at home where you would be more comfortable. And… And you wouldn’t have to constantly deal with the consequences of my poor, selfish decisions. You don’t deserve this.”

The words once again caught in her throat. This time though, she felt as if she was choking on them. As the emotional pain grew, it was harder to fight back the fresh tears that swelled in her eyes.

“I… I don’t deserve you…” Her voice felt so small, but it was the only way the words would come out.

“Baelley, you care so much for my reputation. And that’s not fair to you. You should never have to consider a woman’s reputation just to be with her. And I have been so cruel to think so little of it, but…I can’t help myself. Not when it comes to you.” Ana sniffed, lifting a hand to wipe her eyes. “The… The only thing I care so deeply about is how…how so completely devoted I am to you. I feel like I would die if I ever had to live my life without you. And that’s just not fair because then you– It would be difficult for you to find a…a wife deserving of you.”

Despite the heartache, the tears and the fear, Ana slowly looked up to once more meet Baelley’s gaze. “If there is anything that I have learned from tonight, it is that I belong to you, and only you. I’m yours. My mind. My heart. All of me. I trust you so deeply with my life I don’t believe I could ever survive without you in it. And that’s not fair to you, because we both know I can’t give myself fully to you like I wish I could.”

“But–” Her voice was meek. Every breath she took was more difficult than the last one. But it was her heart that truly felt like it was killing her. Everything just felt so heavy and quiet in this room. “But I can’t let you go even if it means you can find true happiness with someone that does deserve your love.” ​

 

[JINFINITE]

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One good thing about being confined to sleeping on his back, in this instance at least, was that every time Ana woke him up Baelley was able to glance over at her until she settled and sleep once again overtook him. Actually being able to easily see her was likely the only good thing that came from sleeping on his back. He would much rather have been able to press his body up against her backside and pull her close. To feel her warmth everywhere they were connected and to curl up into a state of vulnerability that he only showed when he was with her. Sleeping on his back was only good for his physical well being; it helped to combat the literal pain he fought day and night. But mentally and emotionally the position just brought frustration and discomfort as it quite literally forced him into submission against the cruelty of his reality.

Sometimes being stuck on his back was not unlike a turtle flipped onto his shell and unable to right himself, at least not without a fair amount of effort. So when Baelley opened his eyes later and found his Ana was no longer beside him he could not simply rely on the strength of his core to sit up. He first turned his head to see if she was just on his otherside for whatever reason—she was not. His pulse had quickened. Not into a panic, however there was a twinge of fear grabbing at him simply because he did not know where she was or if something had happened to her while he had slept. The weight of his own body had him immobilized against his pillow as he glanced once more to the empty spot beside him before looking out into the dark room before him.

It was then that he caught sight of her sitting at the window, the moonlight reflecting off her pale skin and giving her an ethereal glow that had he not been so concerned over her absence would have gone straight to his head and captivated all his thoughts.

He hated this. Being so far away from her and unable to simply spring out of bed to go to her like any other able bodied man would. Instead Baelley had to roll ever so slightly onto his side, but not too much because then he would lose leverage, and slowly push himself up to a sitting position so that he could better see her and address her from a place that did not feel quite so useless, ”Ana?”

It was immediately clear that something was wrong, and the concern that filled him gave Baelley the strength needed to pull his broken body off the bed and make the journey across to where she sat. And the more she spoke the more obvious it became that she must have been awake for hours—had she even slept at all yet? The exhaustion, both emotional and physical, was evident in the way she looked at him when she finally met his gaze and also in her voice as she finally spilled everything on her mind.

He probably should have paused to better process what she had confessed to him, but he didn’t. The only thing going through his head was the need to remedy the situation and yet again banish Ana’s insecurities down to the dungeons.
“Then don’t,” Baelley cut in with such decisiveness and assurity that he could tell it caught her slightly off guard, “Don’t ever let me go. I don’t want to live any life that you’re not a part of.”
As he reached for her hands he promised that she would never have to be without him, and pleaded that she never push him away, ”I would rather die than to give myself to another just for the sake of—there is no happiness in the world greater than your love.”
He so badly wished to hold more than just her hands but she felt so far away. He wanted to pull her to her feet and flush against his chest into a tight embrace and breathe the very life back into her heart. But Ana was uncooperative. She felt so unresponsive to his touch, as though she were trying to resist and deny what he was telling her. So if she would not meet him half way then the next best thing would be to melt into her and physically cover her with his love if words alone were not enough. And so he did. And he could hear her breath catch in her throat as he ever so carefully began to sink down to the floor before her.

Baelley was definitely not thinking clearly or he would have not made such a reckless and poor decision. After all, once he was down there would be no guarantee that he could stand back up. Luckily he had enough of a routine in place that he automatically let his worse knee bend to the floor. The pressure would surely hurt if he overstayed in this position, but he had a better chance of being able to push himself back up than if his legs were to be reversed. His knee would not have the strength to support his body weight, a lesson he had learned the hard way one too many times before.

His hands trembled ever so slightly as they now gripped at her thighs, both for balance and the intimacy that came with being so close to her. Before tonight he likely would not have dared to be in such a compromising position with her. But now it was taking all his self restraint to not reach for more and to just enjoy what little they had together.

Kneeling like this was uncomfortable, there was no denying nor hiding that fact from his voice or facial expression but Baelley had already fully committed and her pleas for him to get up were swiftly cast aside, ”Ana,” his voice was so soft now, almost intentionally so as if to force her quiet so as to better hear him, ”My love, I am so sorry for putting you through all of this. Had I known it would affect you so I never would have—” She spoke over him now, or tried to at least. However Baelley just strengthened his own voice to power over hers, ”I do not regret it. I’m glad that you trust me enough to be so intimate with you. Even if I were granted the power to go back in time I would not change anything about tonight except to have woken sooner so as to not let you sit alone in your sorrow for as long as I have.”

His arm now snaked forward to wrap around her waist as best he could and gently pull her closer to the edge of her chair, in turn forcing her legs to part just enough for him to brace between in his efforts to stay upright. The other hand reached up to brush the baby hairs from her face, the tears from her eyes and then gently cup her cheek as he wordlessly asked her to meet his gaze.

For most of his years Baelley had little to no control over his own life. He had been brought up the youngest of three in a naval family. The structure and expectations set out for him were rigid and not open for discussion. And if you thought that was difficult to grow up in then imagine it tenfold when he was old enough to join the navy himself. Not even the end of his career gave him the freedom of choice as he lost the only thing that truly belonged to him: his own body. Laying there in the hospital bed, unable to even scratch his own nose without assistance…Baelley was at everyone’s mercy. Whether or not he wanted to do something did not matter as there was quite literally nothing he could do to stand up for himself. There had been countless times where his wishes would go ignored or his situation would be taken advantage of. It wasn’t until Ana had thrust herself into his recovery that for the first time he found someone asking for his opinions and consent. Ana had spoken up for him when no one else even tried to listen, and she had been the one to fight for him when everyone else, including himself, felt he didn’t have anything left to live for. Ana had always been so adamant on wanting nothing but the best for him. But she was also the one to take a step back and respect his choices, and he was relying on that now as he pulled her even closer so that he could kiss her softly before continuing.

”Thank you, for thinking of me as you have. However I have made my decision and I will not accept a life in which you are not at my side. Our love is not so small or fragile to be cast aside simply for the fault of being unconventional. It may be difficult at times, but so long as I still have your trust I promise I will always be patient with you and we will find our own way in which to love one another—even if we are forever destined to hide away in secret.”

Baelley’s knees were definitely protesting at this point and he wrapped his arm tighter around her waist so as to be able to focus on something other than the growing pain running through him, ”Ana, Darling, my love for you is the only thing left in this world that is truly mine so please do not ever ask me to give that up.”
He no longer had any land nor status to his name. Love was quite literally the only thing he could give her and it did not matter to him at what cost. Baelley had long ago accepted that they would never truly be able to be together, so he would take what he could get and if that meant never sharing a bed then so be it. If that meant hiding behind curtains to steal a kiss then he would wait by the window for hours for her to escape to his side. He would do absolutely everything necessary to be able to love her in any way he could, he just needed for her to do the same and to not push him away like she was, “I love you, and I will always love you. There is only you.”

Was she hearing him? It was hard to tell in the moment of silence that came after he poured his heart onto her lap, ”Come back to bed,” his voice dropped to such a soft level it almost did not sound like him. Baelley rarely truly asked for anything, and he certainly never begged, but here he was just so desperate and willing to go to any length to win her over, “...please.”

Something must have gotten through to her as they did not stay there much longer to talk. As predicted it was no easy task to get Baelley back on his feet, but with Ana’s help he was soon back in bed with Ana at his side once again. Leaning into her he placed a kiss on her forehead, carefully so as to not further aggravate his hurting body. While twisted slightly over her he reached for her far hand and brought it with him as he settled back into the pillows. This movement brought her onto her side facing him and he quietly watched her face as he now placed her hand on his chest, pinning it down between his calloused hand and steadily beating heart as he finally took a deep breath in the healing comfort of her presence.

What happened tonight was new, and unknown and perhaps frightening. But Baelley had faith that with time they would overcome it and he voiced that opinion in a final attempt to soothe Ana’s worries. After all, hadn’t they already overcome so much that had been against them? There was nothing in this world that could come between them now, and Baelley swore to that before bidding her goodnight and asking her to please try to sleep.
​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

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All she could do was stare at him. No, it wasn’t just staring. Her gaze did not focus on a solitary part of Your Highness. It took in everything about him. When she wasn’t gazing deep into the eyes that reminded her of her precious and dangerous home, she was watching the way his mouth formed the sounds that apparently helped humans communicate. None of the sounds, except maybe “your”, sounded familiar to her. In fact, the sounds came out as an unclear string of noises with no way of forming any kind of context to them. It also didn’t help that there were brief moments when Your Highness would use his sounds so quickly she could not even attempt to separate any of it. But still, she watched the way his mouth opened and closed in specific shapes and she realized those different shapes helped him create the sounds. It wasn’t guttural like the language of her people. In fact…it almost reminded her of the sound of waves above the water.

Every so often she would also watch the way Your Highness moved different parts of his body. More specifically, his tails. This was the first time she can closely observe how humans move with their two tails. While her initial ideas did hold true, she still could not wrap her head around how these two flimsy, weak body parts hold so much weight and mobility. Still, when Your Highness shifted the weight from one tail to the other, she mimicked the move. Why he did this, she did not know. But if it was something he did usually, she would learn to do it too.

There were also a couple times as he spoke to her when he would gesture his fimpers to her and hold them there for some reason. However, she couldn’t quite figure out why he was doing so. Initially, she thought he was showing her the small things wrapped around his long finnies. They reminded her of the little treasures hidden away back home. In fact, there was one that looked oddly familiar, but she just could not pinpoint how she recognized it. It wouldn’t take her long to realize that he wasn’t trying to show off his own little treasures. When he tried extending his fins to her again, she simply copied his action; extending her own out to him with the bottom side up. When she looked up at him, she could instantly tell that this wasn’t what he intended as well.

Suffice it to say, she was overwhelmed by her interaction with Your Highness. Or, really, the lack of it. But even if she was growing frustrated, Your Highness never once copied her feelings. In fact, save for the few instances when he would look at her with sudden creases on his smooth face, he looked at her in a way that made her feel safe and not judged.

The only method she had to keep track of how much time passed was from the outside view. “Window” she learned it was called. After looking over at it so often, Your Highness eventually noticed and moved one of his fins in its direction and called it “window”. He even repeated the word a couple more times after she turned to look at him again. Each time she carefully watched the way his mouth formed the sound, but when she made an attempt to copy, she did it without sound. She still was not entirely confident in her efforts to speak like him and other humans.

Something she picked up later in their time together was the way Your Highness slowed down his use of speech. It wasn’t very hard for her to notice. Before she could not differentiate the different sounds coming from his mouth. Now, each sound came out so separated and she now retained whatever she could hear and remember in the brief time she had before he started moving his mouth again. Did she know what any of these sounds meant? Not really, but maybe she will at a later time.

“Dress,” Your Highness was saying now. Between them, he was holding up a lighter and smaller version of what she now knew was a “blanket” currently covering her body. She blinked then moved her gaze away from this…dress to look up at him. Once again he looked at her like the calm swaying waters. He once more spoke, but the only word she could pick up was him repeating “dress”. As he did this, he also pointed at the “blanket” around her body then to himself. But she was quick enough to see that he wasn’t just pointing at himself, he was pointing at his own “dress”.

She was still trying to process the connection between his unfamiliar words and actions when he suddenly took a step closer to her. This time, she didn’t take a step back. By now, her basic need to constantly defend herself was no longer present. She now felt safe with Your Highness. She felt he wouldn’t do her any harm.

His movements were slower, careful even. Like exploring unknown territory with the potential for threats. He approached her with caution, keeping the “dress” out between them. But when he was once more standing in front of her, so close she could hear as clearly as the waters outside the “window” the heavy pounding in his body, he stopped as if he was waiting for something; her maybe?

She could only look up at him, unclear as to what he was expecting of her.

Her uncertainty must have been enough to make it clear to Your Highness that she wasn’t understanding whatever his intentions were. “Let me,” he said. She recognized these sounds and knew now not to move. She expected him to do something again with the “blanket”, which he did. She watched closely as he slowly pulled the “blanket” off of her and placed it back on the trap or not trap. For a moment, she became distracted by the sudden intensity of the pounding inside him.

When she returned her full attention to him, she saw a look on his face that, apparently, was similar between humans and her kind. He was suddenly frightened for her life and as such his sounds came back faster as if he hadn’t previously known that she didn’t understand him. His movements were now faster, frantic even. He instructed her to lift her entire fins up high above her. She obeyed. She then watched as he moved the “dress” around in his own fins before reaching above them both until their fins touched again.

His touch was all she could focus on even as the “dress” suddenly opened to wrap around her body. It was very different from the “blanket”. Where the “blanket” left an opening for her to escape, the “dress” enclosed around her. As she examined this “dress” she tugged at random places to find the give. There was none. She was now trapped in this “dress”. Just like how Your Highness was trapped in his.

But it seemed like this action was not enough to ensure to Your Highness that her life was not in danger. She was so confused by this. Was she not doing everything in her power to do as he instructed her? All she did since he walked into this place was focus on him and only him; as if her entire life depended on it. Which she honestly felt it just might.

Suddenly, so suddenly that she felt her body stiffen in preparation to defend herself, Your Highness took one of her findlers and guided her to another part of this place. By now she was not concerned over being able to move about on her own two tails. She had kept herself balanced long enough and Your Highness had even assisted in a few forward movements to help her find the flow to continue it were she to try it on her own next time.

They stopped in front of what she thought was a smaller “window”. But now that they were standing in front of it, she saw that it was an object she was familiar with, only this one was whole. She found herself so fascinated to see this in its full shape. It had no sharp ends that would cut her if she wasn’t careful. A part of her wanted so much to extend her fin out to touch it. Did it feel the same on land as it did under the water?

Then her eyes fell on Your Highness. Not the Your Highness standing right beside her. The one standing in front of them. She no longer feared this strange invention. She knew now that this didn’t make a copy of a being, it merely allowed one to see any and all actions standing in front of it. So when she pulled her fascination away from the wholeness of this object, she turned her attention to Your Highness to see his actions in front of her even though he was standing beside her. However, that fascination vanished when she saw that his fear for her life remained. Worsened even.

He was now extending his fins directly at her, but for what reason she didn’t know. She was still too focused on his human actions. But he grew more and more desperate and that was when she finally pushed aside her own pleasures of watching him to finally look at herself. Not that she was going to be very entertaining. She knew she was just going to be standing there beside him–

Nothing about what she saw looked like what she remembered. She looked different. Totally different. None of her true features survived her human transformation. Except for her hair, but even then there was something about it that looked different. It looked…dead? Unmoving as it fell behind her. It did not flow and sway like it does in the water. Yes, everything about her was just so different. And it frightened her. Especially her eyes. Their shape was not threatening and its color was much darker. Nothing about them reminded her of the water. All she could think was that they resembled the land.

Apparently every one of her actions and reactions were wrong to Your Highness. So wrong that in his ever growing fear for her life he now directed her attention right at her skin. She followed his fins to her throat and suddenly she saw it. After that, every curiosity and fascination disappeared. Now, she was starting to match his fear.

As she stared at her throat, taking in how it was changing colors right before their eyes, she suddenly realized that it was difficult to breathe. Was she even breathing to begin with? All she could feel was this growing burning in her throat. Every time she tried to get the land air into her body it only made it worse. The discoloration also worsened. What started around her throat was increasingly showing up on other parts of her body. Most especially her fins and tails. And they too were starting to burn. She wanted very desperately to scratch the burning sensation away. She had never felt such prolonged pain before. At least, not when it wasn’t inflicted by another. Her kind always healed quickly before the pain could linger. But this, this was winning over her body entirely. This, she knew now, was going to be her death this time.

This thought caused her to feel what she was taught was the Weakness. It was the feeling that came upon those too weak to survive. It brought on an inability to move any part of the body except what was inside. Inside, amongst the burning pain, it was as if one wrong move would cause it all to spring out of her. Was this how it was going to end for her?

She was so consumed by the Weakness that everything that happened after seeing the death take over her body was a blur. Actually, she wouldn’t even be able to explain all that happened afterwards. One moment she was staring at herself in the “dress” Your Highness trapped her in. The next, she was no longer in whatever place he had kept her in. In fact, they were…what is the word to even call it?

The last of the heat she felt earlier when she first left the water touched her again. It was what she focused on as the one familiar sensation as death was ready to take her. That is until the water pushed through the heavy blur and then suddenly something shifted in her mind. Suddenly, she found the drive to survive.

The water was practically calling her back home. And she was so ready to accept the call. But when she turned her head to look at Your Highness, he wasn’t even beside her. Where had he gone? She frantically looked around her for any sign of him, but it was only her standing there. It was then that she realized she was once again wearing the “blanket”. But what good was this and the “dress” doing her. Maybe it was making her condition worse. Why would Your Highness leave her like this?

Or…maybe this was his way of helping her? Surely something she did in the time she could not remember told him to take her back to the water.

But, she was still so far away from home. There was so much land left between her and the safety of the water. Looking at the remaining distance, she feared her newly found balance would not hold her long enough.

But the water was right there. All she needed to do was return to it. It was desperately calling her back. It was welcoming her to safety and the certainty that she would survive this. She would not face the final end.

She just needed to get past this somehow.

The desperation to return home brought on another round of darkness. Her vision was increasingly blurring to the point that she could not focus on the object right in front of her. No matter how many times she blinked, the darkness was winning. At one point, as her mind began to entertain the idea of letting the darkness take her, the last thing she remembered was losing all sense of human balance.

Is this what it was like to meet her end? Was she damned to feel pain after pain? First the burning then a sudden hard collision that could have broken her body? All of that pain to end in a familiar one she wished she wouldn’t have to feel again; the feeling like her insides were being ripped apart and being all turned around at the same time. This was it. This was how she was going to meet her final end–

Only, it wasn’t.

Just as quickly as the pain overcame her, it stopped. That was when she finally opened her eyes and saw that she was back. She was home.

She immediately looked down at her body. Her scales, her fins and her tail were back. No sign of a human body remained. Except for the “dress” that was now floating away from her. But she didn’t care for it anymore. She was just so relieved to survive all that pain. Even if it meant leaving Your Highness without any warning.

Were she thinking rationally, she would have put her constant need to survive at the forefront of her thoughts and returned back to her colony. Surely one of the others have noticed she was gone. But she honestly couldn’t. Now that her mind was clear all she could think about was Your Highness. Was he okay? Did he even know she was gone?

It was now completely dark on land when she finally braved sticking her head above the water. She looked in the direction of his land. But even with her enhanced vision, she could not find him. He was not standing above the tiny rocks nor the last place she stood before somehow returning to the water. There was an unfamiliar twist around her midsection as she mourned his disappearance. Would she ever be lucky again to see him?

Or, the better question, could she once again have the courage and strength to find him despite all she knew now about being a human?

For now, that was unknown. But while she pondered the possibility of trying to find him again, she decided to stay close. She would not return to her family just yet at the off chance that she will somehow find her Your Highness standing on his land…waiting for her. ​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

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It didn’t feel as if Ana got any sleep that night. Even after complying with Bae’s request to go back to bed, her efforts to quiet her thoughts enough to let her tired eyes rest were met with some pushback. But for her love’s sake, she closed her eyes to make him believe that she had finally fallen asleep. When sleep had at last come to her, it felt as if only minutes passed before her eyes opened again. Her eyelids felt just as heavy as hours before. Perhaps it was the aftermath of the tears that fell while she confessed her heartbreaking feelings to Bae. Or perhaps there was a more simple explanation: she was so tired.

The only reason she knew more time had passed than she thought was because the first signs of dawn were spilling through the windows. The Eliressi sun wasn’t quite showing itself just yet, but it reflected itself through the clear waves below the cliffs.

Ana let out a soft, disappointed sigh. Very soon this night would be over. And God only knew when she and Bae would be able to share a bed like this again. And she hated herself for practically ruining it. After everything Bae did to make the most and best out of this one chance to truly be together, she spent nearly all of it lost in every worst possible scenario and terrible feelings.

As the last of her sleep efforts left her foggy mind, she registered the slight changes in how they were positioned on the bed. Well, it was mostly her that had changed in the hours since she finally fell asleep. When she carefully lifted her head up to check on Bae, he was still sleeping soundly on his back. Meanwhile, she was now pressed tightly against his side with her head resting on his chest instead of the curve of his arm. One leg was now wrapped firmly around his closest leg to her. The only thing that remained of their initial positions was that her hand was still pressed right above his heart, firmly trapped under his hand. Upon realizing this, Ana focused intently on his steady heartbeat.

Ana didn’t want this night to end. She wished, prayed, to turn back time to redo tonight. To return to the moment they first climbed into bed together. To the moment his dark brown eyes melted her entire body and made her his. To the tender touches and deep kisses that filled them with nothing but their purest love. But no matter how hard she prayed to turn back time, it was never answered. Time, as always, moved forward whether she liked it or not.

The hand not trapped against his chest laid limply between their bodies. For the briefest of moments, she felt compelled to slip that arm under Bae in an effort to bring him closer to her. But as he let out a soft snore, she decided against it. After all it was her fault he lost so much sleep tonight.

In the end, Ana didn’t move a muscle for an unknown amount of time. Well, not exactly. She did adjust her gaze so that she was now looking up at his face.

She frowned slightly. With everything that happened last night, it didn’t occur to her until this very moment, laying here quietly in bed with him, that something was actually different about him. It was nothing drastic, of course. This was still the same Baelley that was all hers. Even as he slept he was still so handsome. It wasn’t often that she could simply watch him sleep like this. The last time was weeks ago. He had fallen asleep during one of their massage sessions after a particularly tough day at work. But right now was different to that last time. There was nothing but peace across his face. If he was feeling any pain, he was not showing it. But that was not what briefly upset her.

He had shaved and Ana honestly could not believe that it took her until hours after her brother’s party to notice it. Had she been so distracted by all the excitement of last night to just notice?

Of course there was absolutely nothing wrong with Bae shaving his beard. He actually hadn’t gone for the full clean shaved look, but the beard he had been growing since Ellis left was simply stubble now. He was still very handsome. But she would be lying if she didn’t admit that she rather preferred him with a beard. There was just something about seeing him growing out his beard that brought a whole different attraction to him that she barely understood herself. Only way she could even understand what made Bae with a beard ten times better than Bae without one was concluding that he looked more masculine, but in the rugged sort of sense. It was nowhere near like the other men at court that attempted facial hair. Seeing Bae with facial hair made him a whole other man in her mind and it excited her.

In truth, Ana grew up never a fan of facial hair. She used to think beards make men look a little less clean despite whatever fresh attire they were wearing. And she absolutely abhorred any form of mustache. Anytime one of the men in court attempted to sport facial hair around the palace, she was unable to focus on any conversation they would be having.

Bae was the exception, but it was perhaps due to focusing intently on his recovery the first couple years. A bit of facial hair paled in comparison to bloodied bandages that constantly needed to be checked and changed. By the time the bandages were permanently off, Ana had grown used to his full beard. So much so that when she was given the task by the nurses at the hospital to shave off his beard, she was almost hesitant. Mostly because she was afraid to cut him with one wrong flick of her wrist, but also she wasn’t prepared to adjust to seeing him every day without it. Back then the last time he was clean shaved around her, he was lying still on a makeshift bed in the village physician’s home.

Then, after the first time, it became part of her routine to help him shave when she volunteered at the hospital. It soon became an opportunity for them to bond. Each month she couldn’t wait to spend those precious minutes with him, talking to him about whatever was on her mind while she shaved off his month long beard. For some reason, the nurses seemed to leave his beard alone until she visited.

However, after some time, Ana found she preferred the beard. Perhaps it was because they talked more freely with each other that she no longer needed this task to start a conversation with him. It could also be because she related his facial hair to his improvement in the hospital, especially after he miraculously won over his full paralysis and started his rehabilitation. She can still remember her reaction when she saw him for the first time without his beard after his recovery; the very audible gasp and stunned shock seeing that he no longer had a gaunt face under all that facial hair. He looked…well…like a man. And those manly features only grew more prominent as the facial hair returned.

Ana’s hand pressed against Bae’s chest twitched as the sudden urge to run her fingers across the stubble on his chin consumed her. Unfortunately, or maybe not, it was strong enough to wake Bae up.

She watched as he stirred under her, his furrowed brow deepening the more he seemed to combat his body’s efforts to awaken. Then he opened his eyes and she waited ever so patiently for him to process his surroundings. Finally, he turned his gaze away from whatever spot on the ceiling he was focusing on to look at her. Before their eyes met, she had a bright smile ready to greet him.

“Good morning, my love,” she said in a gentle whisper. As he returned the greeting, she wiggled further up until she could lean forward enough to meet his lips with hers.

They remained entangled in each other’s arms, taking in the quiet moment to enjoy this first for them. While Ana was no stranger to sharing a bed with someone, she had fantasized for years what it would be like to wake up in the morning and have Bae be the first person she sees. It never occurred to her that this would surpass anything she ever felt when she woke up next to Ellis. Having her morning exclusively with Bae was a feeling she was so desperately obsessed with now.

Everything after happened so suddenly, so much so that the pain in her chest was still trying to keep up. Ana registered the sudden worry on Bae’s face before she realized that her smile faltered. As he asked if something was wrong, that was when the tightness in her chest overwhelmed her. She visibly winced over the pain, but it was the accompanying thoughts that forced her to look away from him. She realized she left his question unanswered as she buried her face into his chest.

His chest vibrated against her cheek as he repeated his question, but what Ana focused on the most was the way he squeezed her hand and gave it a little tug as his indication to look back at him. But she didn’t comply this time, not while she bit her tongue to suppress the pained groan that tried to escape. No, she was not going to be responsible for ruining their precious time together. Again. She was going to wait for the pain and painful thoughts to fade before she dared look him in the eyes.

The problem with that plan was she was dealing with someone that was just as certain about what he wanted as she did. Last night and his foolish decision to lower onto his bad knee proved that. So it should not have surprised her when Bae’s stern tone returned and he finally released his grip on her hand to force her to look up at him.

She watched as his face softened. In the faint reflection from his dark brown eyes, she saw the heartbreak as plain as day on her face. Even if she tried to pretend that everything was alright for his benefit, he would never believe her.

For the third time, Bae asked what was wrong. This time, his tone insisted that she finally tell him.

Ana sighed, moving her hand off his chest and scooting away from him to rest her head on the pillow. She quietly watched as he adjusted so that he was laying somewhat on his side to better look at her. What she was doing was stalling. She didn’t want to tell him anymore of the painful thoughts that plagued and ruined their first night together.

But as he looked at her expectedly, she knew she would never get out of telling him the truth.

“I am so sorry, my love,” she said. “I have ruined everything.”

It was obvious by the way he looked at her in response that he didn’t feel the same. He was quick to voice that out to her. But Ana didn’t believe it. She quietly shook her head, feeling so defeated and ashamed she no longer had the courage to look him in the eyes. She didn’t want to see him pity her for all the childish mistakes she made during their night together. If she looked at him even for just a second, she would invite her heartbreaking confession from hours before to entertain her again.

Like everything in their relationship, Bae just knew exactly what to do to remedy whatever it was that came in the way of their time together. Ana just buried her face into the pillow when she felt one of his arms wrap around her waist and pull her closer. Hours before, when they were at the chair sitting by the window, she was able to pull against him. In bed, she was practically helpless. Further proving just how much strength Bae had compared to years before. Through the thin silk of her nightgown, she felt his muscles flex and his fingers lightly dig into her skin. Her eyes fluttered closed as a warmth rushed through her from the point where his touch met her skin. Her mind spun over her conflicting feelings, confused how she could feel so disappointed and, as Bae referred to it, aroused at the same time.

Like everything in their relationship, Ana was weak against Bae. As much as he liked to remind her that he would do just about anything for her, what Bae tended to fail to understand was that she would do just the same for him. If he only asked more from her, he would see just how wrapped she was around his finger. So as he pulled her close to his bare chest, her body relaxed to let him do with her body as he saw fit. Once her chest pressed gently against his, she focused on the feeling of his hand sliding down hers to wrap it around his waist. The moment he let go to return to holding her, she immediately mirrored his actions.

“Last night could have been so perfect,” she confessed, feeling her words vibrate against his skin. “But I’ve once again proven to you that I am just so damn foolish; way in over my head to try and be the woman worthy of you.” She could feel his protesting words in the sharp breath he took. But before he could so much as utter one syllable, she wrapped her other arm around him and squeezed him tighter.

“I let myself succumb to every thought that made me believe you were better off with someone else; someone that knows better how to…to satisfy you.” Ana nuzzled her face into his chest, feeling the hairs and scars tickle her cheek. At the same time, her leg once more tangled around his leg closest to her. She was practically clinging to him now.

Ana felt like such a mess. Her feelings were all in scrambles trying to battle for dominance. All the while a childish, impulsive need to bring Bae even closer consumed her. But no matter how tight she held him or how many times she repositioned herself for better contact with him, it was never enough. She still wanted so much more of him.

“I have ruined our first night together,” she reminded him. Whether he heard her or not, she didn’t care. She just needed these words to leave her body before they killed her. “What if…. What if we have to wait ages before we can spend another night together? Instead of enjoying this, I ruined it because I couldn’t stay here with you. Be present with you.” The rest of her words were stuck in her throat and she let out a whimper at the pain it caused her.

They laid like this for a little while. Ana was afraid to say anything else while her mind was at war with itself. And Bae, her sweet Bae, was ever the patient one. While she tackled the thoughts that ran rampant through her mind, she clung to the warmth and reassurance he provided her as he rubbed her back and combed through her hair.

Ana suddenly felt so tired. Between her inability to sleep nearly all night and the thoughts running through her mind, she could feel the energy leaving her. She shut her eyes tightly, burying her face deeper against his chest to fight for every last ounce of energy she had left. She refused to succumb to defeat. She refused to let their last moments together like this be ruined by her foolish body.

“I still want so much more of you, my love…” At last, Ana pulled away from Bae to look at him. However, she only allowed enough distance between them to be able to look at him. She still clung to him as if her life depended on it. As his eyes met hers, Ana let out a shaky moan at the rush of heat that burned through her. With that fire, the flames licked at the last of her lingering thoughts.

Suddenly, it was as if the fog in her mind cleared away and everything else just made sense. No truer words were said as the ones that just escaped her lips.

“Please, Baelley…” She could hear the pleading in her soft voice. “I want–” Her cheeks burned. While she knew exactly what she wanted to say to him, the images that ran through her mind made her almost embarrassed to say it out loud. But she knew if she was going to get her way and not ruin the last moments they had alone together in this room, she needed to have courage for the things she wanted. “I want to feel your touch on my skin.”

There was a pause in which neither of them moved. Ana looked up at Bae with pleading eyes that matched her tone. Meanwhile, Bae continued to look at her with patience. But that only left her feeling frustration boiling in her stomach. Her body burned for his touch now that she knew that was all she wanted. She wanted to feel his strong, calloused hands run all over her.

That is exactly what she requested of him. “My love, please!” she begged. “This is the first time we are together with just this flimsy, thin layer of silk between us. Please! Can you feel how much I crave for your touch against parts of me that have never felt you there before?” She finally released her hold on him, using one hand to move his that had been on her back down to the hem of her nightgown. Her nightgown, thin and flimsy as it was, had ridden up so much since they awoke. While it still covered the parts of her body she knew no man was allowed to see, it was only by a few inches.

Her eyes fluttered shut for a few seconds feeling the warm touch of his fingertips on her thigh. She had to force herself to keep breathing, but each exhale was accompanied by the soft moan. However, her moans grew louder as she slowly, albeit a hint hesitantly, moved his hand further upward.

When she felt his thumb right at the curve of her bottom she stopped. Her heart pounded heavily, a rush of nerves and excitement spreading throughout her entire body. This was what she wanted, but she didn’t know how to continue from here. The last time his hand was near this part of her body, she let Bae have full control of her. But now, it was as if he was expecting her to lead them through this moment of passion.

“Could you–” she started, but she was uncertain how to finish the request. She gently bit down on her bottom lip. Nerves and doubt started to creep in and it scared her. So she did what she knew best. She kissed him.

Her hands immediately abandoned his torso to tangle through his hair. She kissed him deeply, claiming every breath he took as hers. Just as he did to her plenty of times before, she was the one to part his lips as her tongue craved the taste of him. It was her need to taste him that cast aside the nerves as Bae’s hand that she abandoned near her bottom traveled upward again. His hunger now matched hers. That, plus the way he squeezed her skin in his strong grip, caused her to moan into his mouth.

“I want to feel both of your hands on me, my love.” The words practically merged with her desperate breaths. In fact, she hadn’t even heard herself say these words. At that very moment, Bae had moved away from their hungry, needy kiss to trail down her neck.

It was mutually acknowledged, once they both were aware of her request, that if it was to be fulfilled they would need to adjust Bae’s current position. They needed to move him so that he was on his back again. Or, Bae had a better idea.

Ana tucked a couple pillows behind Bae after she helped him sit up and rest against the headboard. She then waited as he adjusted a bit more until he deemed it comfortable, well comfortable enough. But even then she clenched tightly to the fabric of her nightgown, waiting impatiently to continue. She wanted his hands that were still molding the pillows to his liking to return under her dress.

When Bae indicated that he was ready, Ana scooted closer. But she was afraid to actually make the move to continue. She didn’t exactly know what to do to continue. Should she let him touch her from where she sat? Should she start by kissing him to bring back the mood? As if it ever left. Or should she just take his hands like she had before and place them on her skin?

In the end, it was Bae’s soothing words and actions that led the way. And Ana complied obediently. She took his hand and crawled closer to his side. But as soon as her knee pressed against his stretched out leg, he guided one of hers to his other side. Her lungs were begging her to breathe as he pulled her closer by the back of her thighs. When he stopped, her knees were against the sides of his hips and she straddled high up on his thighs.

When she finally let out a breath, her entire body relaxed. She leaned forward a bit until her stomach was up against his. Her hands rested on his chest. And she focused intently on her hands once his own slipped under her nightgown to once more trail up her legs to the curve of her bottom. She wanted to touch him the same way he touched her, with such confidence and certainty. But her soft and gentle traces across scarred and unbroken skin were almost clumsy. She couldn’t understand this. It wasn’t like she was a stranger to touching his body. Why was it she only had confidence when she was giving him massages? Why was it now that she was practically blushing from embarrassment as she traced down past his nipples?

During this brief distraction, Ana failed to notice just how far up Bae’s hands had traveled. Her gasp revealed much of her shock when she felt his big, strong hands squeeze her bottom. It caused her to jump, abandoning her efforts to learn how to please him with her touch as she wrapped her arms around his neck. But despite the shock, she didn’t want him to stop. She told him that she didn’t want him to stop; to touch more of her that he cannot outside this room.

The rough skin on his hands left shivers and tingles everywhere he touched. As he traveled further upwards, her body burned with the desire and cravings it so desperately wanted satiated. She melted into him, unable to do anything else other than moan or breathe out his name. Then she felt his hands stop at the underside of her breasts and her eyes opened to look at him. Their eyes met and almost immediately he took both of them completely in his hands.

The breath she let out was part moan and part scream. Her body jolted at the contact then she leaned away from him slightly until her back was arched. But never once did he let her go. In fact, he ensured that she never pulled away enough for him to let go.

“Oh, my love…” she breathed out, her eyes fluttering shut once again. ​

 

[JINFINITE]

--------

​

Any other morning after a day like yesterday and a night like last night, Baelley would have woken up in a world of pain. He would have sunken so deep into the bed that it would be far too daunting to so much as think about how much effort it would take to get to his feet. His body would feel so heavy, and sore. Stiff, and broken. He would have laid there in his misery watching the sun rise until he knew he could not wait any longer or risk being late to work. And so then he would have begun the process of getting up. Each movement careful, and slow, with the knowledge that one wrong move could immobilize him with burning sensations coursing through his every nerve.

Instead this morning he woke feeling almost weightless; almost, as Ana’s presence against his chest served as a reminder that he was still very much alive. And while those burning sensations did still exist, they were of another origin entirely. It wasn’t pain pulsing through him but rather blood from all the overtime work his heart was putting out. This felt…different...to say the least. That’s not to say he wasn’t hurting to some extent, but Ana seemed to always lessen the pain through the means of distraction.

Baelley was no stranger to waking up to the sight of his princess at his side. It was an occurrence he had grown more and more accustomed to over the years leading up to now when it brought a sense of comfort and familial familiarity. That is to say, that this felt right. That he should spend every morning waking up to her perfect lips kissing the sleep from his eyes. She belonged at his side for forever. Before Ana he had never had any interest in sharing an “I do” with anyone, but now it was the only thing he wanted in life. And it was also the only thing he truly could not have. He had long accepted that he could never be with Ana, not truly anyways. Not in the sense of happily ever after. But so long as he needed her she could still remain at his side. And so long as she loved him back she would find ways to keep him close as well; such as asking him to stay the night without even realizing what she was insinuating.

He had not been intimate like last night in years, not since before his accident. But against his better judgment he had given into Ana’s blissfully ignorant requests last night, and now so soon after here she was still asking— no begging him for more.

Oh if only she knew how cruel this was of her, but he only had himself to blame. After all he had been the one to tease her with taboo touches despite knowing that nothing more could ever come from it.

More.
More.
More.

She wanted more, and he so badly wanted to give it to her—to give himself to her. But it was not so simple as that, not anymore at least. Overlooking the obvious fact that they shouldn’t even be together, Baelley feared that they couldn’t be together—that his body would never hold up to give her what she was asking of him. As such he was unsure of the best way to go about this. He knew he could not support his own weight above her as he would have in the past, not to mention that would also be far too dangerous a position to take out of fear of getting carried away. But the thought of being stuck on his back sounded almost torturous. He wanted to be able to move, to reach, to hold, to touch, to taste—he did not wish to be confined to his back as he already had been for so many years. So maybe it would be safest to just stay as they were and allow his hand to trace her body, perhaps that would be enough to satisfy her.

It was not. And Baelley nearly moaned at Ana’s request to have both of his hands on her. Had he any self restraint left he would have said no, made up some excuse that he couldn’t do that for her. But Ana’s kisses had sucked all rational thinking from his mind and left him just as eager as she to bring her closer and take them further than ever before.

”Help me up?” He knew his limits well. He knew they had peaked at what they could accomplish laying side by side as they were, but he also knew that at this moment he would struggle to sit up on his own. The muscles needed to do so hadn’t yet been stretched and his body felt very much not his own. It would likely continue to feel this way until he actually got out of bed and moved around, and so Baelley would have to make do in the meantime as Ana helped him lean back against the headboard and only waited long enough till he felt secure before calling her back to him.

Now that it was morning they did not have any time to waste, it would soon be time for them to part ways for the day, and so Baelley did not waste a single second. He didn’t slowly accustom her to his touch as he had last night, instead he now touched her with such purpose. He knew not where they would end this, but he knew that he would make the best of this opportunity, for the both of them.

He was half tempted to pull her nightgown up over her head and drop it off the bed to join his previously discarded shirt, but he wouldn't allow himself to get so carried away. Touching her like this was enough. This was already more than he had ever had of her, if he were to see her naked form now he wasn't sure he could hold himself back, ”Ana...”
The silk of her gown had ridden up her frame and was bunching around his arms where they disappeared beneath the fabric. There was no doubt that more of her skin than he had ever seen before was getting exposed to the room, but not once did Baelley’s eyes stray from her face, leaving his hands to explore what his eyes could not. Instead when it became too much for him he pushed his face into her breasts, kissing at the skin peaking out at the neckline of her slip of a dress and allowing his hands to travel elsewhere, overwhelming her senses with new stimulations and pleasures.

Listening to Ana earlier when she had described what she wanted him to do to her had almost instantly reignited everything he had felt last night. And then the sounds she made now and the feeling of her skin under his fingertips brought him the rest of the way there to the point that his breeches felt too tight and the weight of Ana’s petite body on his lap was in fact doing the opposite of helping.
And to think, there used to be a time when he wasn't sure he would ever be able to experience this again. Well, now he had and it was safe to say everything below the waist was still in working order despite his past wounds, paralysis, and how broken his body remained even after some five years later.

Baelley shifted uncomfortably beneath her, a cross between a moan of pleasure and one of pain slipped from his lips as he exhaled against her clavicle. The moment was not lost on his love who had years of experience tuning into his every movement and feeling, but as she tried to ask if he was alright, Baelley instead tilted his head just enough to kiss her jawline whilst his hands gently increased their pressure against her as they ran up her inner thighs.

He knew they realistically couldn’t go much further than this, and he would be lying if he said that knowledge did not disappoint him. But this wasn't about him, nor was it even really about them. This was solely for her and he wanted her to feel nothing short of extraordinary. He wanted her to feel the love he had for her that society was keeping her from experiencing. He wanted her to know how physical love could be—the raw feelings and emotions that came from being in one another’s company. It was through all these wants that an idea formed in the corner of his mind. That maybe if they could not be intimate together, he could still give her a gift to still feel connected to him as they were now.

“Ana…” Despite calling for her attention, Baelley himself didn’t lift his head from her chest while he continued on, “Can you do something for me?”
He knew he did not need to even ask, he just wanted to hear her say it as she practically gave herself to him, “I do not know when we can next be together, but…you do not need me here with you in order to feel my love...”

He was well aware that this statement would be lost on her and as he finally lifted his head he simply smiled at the confused expression that crossed her face amidst the fog of pleasure she was lost in. He kissed her then, to break the spell that had her overthinking his every word before whispering a single request—no a command—as his eyes met hers head on. Regardless of whether or not she would hold his gaze through what was to come next, Baelley had no intention of looking away from her face for a single second, “Give me your hand…”

Rather than waiting for her to comply, Baelley’s own hands emerged from under her gown and one reached up to unwrap her from his neck, leading hers back down between her legs while his other held her hip to help steady her in place. They had returned under the fabric, hidden from view as he slowly guided her hand up her own leg, their fingers synchronized as they traced her skin. It only took a moment before he was pressing her own fingers against the heat between her thighs, watching as she gasped at the foreign feeling, ”Close your eyes…”

Still in control of her hand, Baelley gradually quickened their pace, ”When you are alone at night and cannot sleep, just imagine that I am there with you…” He kissed her softly in an attempt to give her something else to focus on, or to better paint the picture behind her closed eyes of what it would be like to have him there with her every night, ”...and I shall do the same…”

However Ana was unable to maintain this. It wasn’t long before she was beginning to tremble and whimpered helplessly against him, her voice at an even higher octave than usual. This was all too new and overwhelming and after she pulled her hand free it flew back up to grip his shoulder, squeezing tightly while his name escaped her in a desperate plea for him to continue what she could not. She was conpletely breathless and flushed in the cheeks, seeming to sink further against him, riding the edge of ectasy and torture, “Do you want to stop?”

Last night he had tried, and almost succeeded at granting her release before her overactive thoughts interrupted them. But now Baelley was determined to help her get there knowing very well that she had never experienced anything like this before. After all, he was her first for everything, and he was no stranger to teaching her of the world outside of her palace walls. Like when they shared their first kiss. That was a memory that would remain engraved in his mind for all eternity. The way she had been so nervous yet relaxed into him almost immediately as though she was feeling the same thing he had been. As though they had been together for so long it was as though they were soulmates in a past life. Ana had been nervous back then but she had trusted him, and that seemed to be the ongoing trend in their secret romance. Baelley’s experience coupled with Ana’s naive curiosity was what had gotten them this far, now it was just a matter of how much farther they could go.

He moved his own hand away as well to give her a break as he rubbed encouragingly at her inner thigh while he searched her face for a clue into her thoughts. However it seemed the sudden lack of contact made it all even more excruciating to bear as she quickly shook her head in response. She did not wish to stop.

“Are you alright?” Baelley’s hand had slipped back up, teasingly close to her no doubt aching core but still Ana only responded by nodding her head, not a single word left her parted lips as she fought to breathe through everything she was feeling, ”Tell me what you want...”
He didn’t continue until getting a verbal response, after which Baelley did not hold back. Nothing and no one would come between them this time—though it didn’t take long after to get her there.

Ana’s legs reacted on their own in response to what her body felt; they tried to close together but with Baelley’s hand still between them and the way she was positioned she ended up just squeezing his hips with her knees as her body practically gave out, collapsing down on his lap and leaning forward against him. He moved quickly to hold and support her as she came back down to Earth. One arm wrapped around her frame to hold her flush against him, while the other hand gently ran through her hair as her head rested against his chest, his voice in her ear feeding her whispered praises and words of love. He could feel her every breath both from the warm air hitting his chest and the way her own heaved against him and he stayed still with her for as long as it took for her to recover.

For a while focusing on Ana was enough of a distraction for him from his own predicament tenting his breeches. But after some time the lull of their aftermath cuddles was making it difficult to ignore now and he hissed, seemingly almost in pain as he tried to adjust their positioning so as to relieve the pressure below where she sat across his lap.

Ana asked if he was okay, but more specifically if he was in pain. And while Baelley responded that he wasn’t hurting, he was well aware that his appearance and actions did not match his words. Every breath he took was forced and calculated in an attempt to calm himself and regain control. He winced, shutting his eyes as she shifted against him again, this time in attempt to climb off of him but Baelley held her in place and for a split second an idea crossed his mind that almost made his heart race at the thought of it—of a several years in the making dream come true: would it be okay to let her help? To show her what she did to him and teach her how to fix this state he was now trapped in? But despite what he had just done to her…for her…? It somehow just didn't feel quite right to ask the same of her. No this was something he’d take care of on his own in privacy once she was gone, ”D-don’t move…please.”

He tried to assure her that she hadn’t done anything wrong, rubbing where her knees were still pressed on either side of him while trying to think through his current options. Deep down he wouldn’t mind keeping her on him like this except that it likely would not help to have her so close and brushing over him at every accidental movement. So Baelley knew they needed to change positions. He needed her off him, but no further than that. He wasn’t ready to lose her just yet. So after a deep breath he finally spoke up, asking her to lay at his side and he then proceeded to scoot himself back down so that he could turn in to face her and kiss away her worried expression.

They had just crossed a line they could never come back from. Their relationship just jumped up a level and he was anxious to hear how Ana felt. Had she enjoyed it? Was it too much? Did she regret it? Was she still trying to compare herself to women from his past? But he also did not wish to ruin the moment by bringing everything up between them. Couldn’t they just lay here together with gentle touches and sweet kisses until either he finally came down or it was time for her to leave?

Well Baelley got his wish for a little while at least. The secret lovers were allowed time to simply enjoy one another and forget about the rest of the world until a light knock at the door startled them back to reality. His breath caught in his throat over how tight Ana squeezed him in her immediate panic but neither moved to get out of bed or hide.

Robert’s voice from the hallway asked whether Baelley was awake and ready, there was apparently a carriage arranged to bring him back home. Ana’s grip almost hurt as he cleared his throat and raised his voice to travel as he replied that he would be out in just a moment.

”Shh…my love, you have to let go…” He had never whispered so softly in all his years of life as he did now on the verge of them being caught. Suddenly the task of getting out of bed did not seem as daunting as it had when he first woke up, rather now it felt as a desperate necessity. And so with newfound strength after pulling Ana off of him, he was able to push himself up from their love nest and swing his legs over till his feet touched the floor and he carefully shifted his weight to be able to stand up. It was certainly different compared to his own bed back at home and he would have liked to have Ana’s help, but their shared panic left her stunned on the bed while giving him a sense of brave independence. The drive to keep her safe.

Ana did manage to pull herself together enough to crawl over to the edge of the bed though, silently assisting with the buttons of his shirt once he pulled his arms through the sleeves. After running his hands through her hair he framed her face and brushed his thumb over her cheek until she looked up at him at which point he leaned down into her for a prolonged kiss goodbye, ”I love you, Ana,” He was so scared of being heard by Robert out in the hall, but he needed Ana to hear his words, ”More than anything.”

It was going to be torture waiting until he could see her next, and even though Baelley was used to such pain it did not make it any easier to leave her now, especially with how desperately she was clutching him now as though trying to keep him from walking out that door, ”...I must go now…”
​

 

[feelsHASkilig]

------------------------------------------------

​

She did not want this to end and refused to believe that it was now over. Even as she watched in shocked stillness as her love carefully climbed out of bed to collect his clothes from the floor. Even as she watched while her perfect love stretched and massaged his stiff muscles to move better. Her mind flew far ahead of her to attempt to find any way to keep this moment, forever. She didn’t want this to end. She didn’t want him to leave…her.

“Please.” Her voice was no louder than a whimper and it was obvious that Bae hadn’t heard her. Her heart fell as he continued to cover himself with the damned clothes that were pulling him away from her. All the while she still remained frozen on the bed, the blanket pressed against her chest. It was a ridiculous gesture, she knew this. Baelley had seen and touched so much of her that indecency was a word thrown right out the window of this very room. And it was just the two of them in this room, Robert was still standing outside waiting for them to leave. She did not need to cover herself like this.

But her heart still pounded in her ears from the initial knock they heard earlier from her most trusted attendant. Whether or not he heard their love and passion earlier, Ana was too afraid to find out. And it was this fear that, unfortunately, kept her frozen on the bed; helpless to reclaim what she wanted.

She was also so lost in the memory of moments before. Of the way Bae kissed her at every possible chance and with every possible reason. Of his sweet, gentle but deep voice whispering such wonderful words into her ears and into her heart. Of his callused hands on her smooth, unmarred skin. She found herself obsessively craving the electricity he ignited through her at his touch, at the way he just knew how to play and tease at her sensitive area between her legs. She wished to be brought back to that moment when everything that happened before them no longer mattered or existed. When it was just her and him in this small room with nothing but their unconditional love for each other fueling the fires of their passion.

But as she watched his struggle to slip back into his boots, Ana had a choice to make and neither options were to her benefit. She could either sit on this bed and watch him prepare to leave her. OR she could help him, alleviate the pain and struggle he must be feeling.

As she watched her love, she knew better than before that he didn’t want to leave her as well. But it was a choice he needed to make, for them.

No…not for them. If it was for them, he would never leave her.

Ana sighed as she let the blanket drop from her front, forced to accept the truth she always ignored. Everything he did, whether she liked it or not, was for her.

“Let me, my love,” she offered, her voice a whisper. She finally crawled out of their bed, ignoring the rumpled sheets and the indentations of their bodies on the mattress. It would only hurt her more realizing what they were now about to leave behind. When would they get to have this night again?

As she buttoned up his shirt, she focused intently on her task to avoid looking up at him. She bit down hard on her bottom lip. Last night’s failures were all her fault. If she hadn’t let her mind wander to a past that Baelley had no reason to be ashamed of, not that he was ashamed, she would have more to remember than rushed passion just moments before their inevitable separation.

Her words lodged in her throat, too afraid to voice them out. Nothing she could say now could make up for her failings as his lover. Any words she uttered now in her desperate plea to keep him at her side would be useless. So she regrettably swallowed her words back down, feeling them cut her heart as they worked back down to bury deep into her stomach.

Baelley spoke for the both of them instead. As always, he knew exactly what to say to bring an end to their time together. How he knew the right words to speak to never have any regrets lingering between them, Ana would never understand. He always spoke with such purpose even when his eyes revealed his sadness at their parting. No matter what ending they had to their time together, Ana depended on his reassuring words to remind her that this wasn’t going to be a sad end. They would see each other again. So long as they continued to love each other with a strength that could move mountains, they would always return to one another.

And with those promising words ringing like a choir of angels in her ears, Ana sank into Bae’s warm embrace and his loving kiss. She didn’t let anything come between them as her raw lips pressed hard against his. This would be the kiss that she held onto until she saw him again. And with her kiss, she clutched the fabric of her shirt and made her own promise to him: that she would do anything and everything in her power to see him again very soon. She refused to have him wait for her for too long.

When they finally pulled apart from their long kiss goodbye, dread overcame Ana as she felt his reassuring words fade into the darkness. No matter what she did she couldn’t grasp them. At the very same time, she felt Bae’s hands gently grab her wrists to urge her to let go. Suddenly the growing inches separating them felt like whole islands and her eyes widened in a desperate plea for him to please reconsider. But as words once again failed her, her worst fears were coming true. Baelley managed to dislodge himself from her grip and walked around the bed toward the door.

Ana choked on the breath she failed to exhale, frozen on the spot upon the realization that this blissful night was now ending.

“Ba—” Why? Why was it so difficult now to call out to him? Earlier his name was all she could manage to say.

She didn’t want to be left like this, succumbing to the cold, lonely darkness that resulted from the absence of his light and warmth. His reassuring words were gone. All that she was left with was his proclamation that he had—no, must—leave her.

“Baelley…” Her feet moved before she realized it. They walked around the bed until she was mere steps away from him. “My love, please wait.”

Just as Baelley reached for the door handle, the final inch that would tear him away from her, Ana hastily grabbed the sleeve of his shirt and forced him to face her. As soon as his dark eyes found hers, she immediately dropped his sleeve to wrap her arms tightly around his shoulders. The suddenness of her actions made it easy for her to pull him down to her so that she could once more feel his lips on hers. However, it wasn’t all that it managed to do.

Ana felt the presence of Bae’s hand next to her face as it braced to stop them from colliding with the wall behind her. But she could care less about a bloody wall when she had him in her arms again. She kissed him fiercely, leaning into the fire that burned at her center as it craved so much more. More. For a princess that had everything in the world, she found herself selfishly wanting so much more.

She moaned into his mouth, forcing them to part when she gently bit his bottom lip. When he complied, he also pressed her hard against the wall to the point that she could not even consider wiggling out from around him. Not that she wanted to, of course. But at this point, the only air she could let into her lungs was the breath he breathed into her. Except that permission for her to breathe was soon rescinded when she felt a strong arm wrap tightly around her waist and lift her off the ground.

Ana was too preoccupied to feel any shock from this sudden loss of gravity. Instead she let her body react for her while she focused on selfishly taking every ounce of love from Bae as she could in this desperate kiss. As she felt her back being pressed harder against the sturdy wall, her legs wrapped firmly around Bae’s waist, its own effort to pull him even closer.

Her heart was singing heavenly hymns so thunderous she was certain Robert could hear it from the thick door separating him from them. But she honestly did not care. She was so lost in the heat and intensity of their love and she reveled in the knowledge that he did not want their time together to end as well.

“I love you,” she breathed into his ear as his soft lips kissed, licked and sucked at her neck. It sent shivers all across her body making it near impossible to stay grounded. It was only because he pinned her so tightly against the wall and in his arm that she could keep herself as present as she was. Everything else around them in this room faded away, even as she tried to focus on the ceiling in an attempt to bring herself back to earth. It wasn’t working as she felt his teeth graze the skin along her collarbone.

The other thing that kept her from floating out of this room and into the blissful clouds calling her name was the hard stiffness pressing so close to her center through the fabric of Bae’s clothing. This had to be one of the side effects of what he explained was his arousal for her. It really was so much different from what she felt for him—even now she could feel her own arousal drip between them—and for the briefest of moments, her mind wandered away from their love to question what this stiffness felt like for him. Did it hurt? Because of her unofficial apprenticeship at the hospital, Ana had limited knowledge of human reproduction. The doctors at the hospital refused to divulge such knowledge to the Princess of Eliressi, so she took whatever information she could get from the nurses she trusted and had grown to trust her. So she knew enough about the male reproductive organ—even though she hadn't been permitted to see it in person—and knew that for it to be this stiff cannot be comfortable. And yet, Bae acted as if it wasn’t bothering him.

Well, maybe it didn’t. Maybe after years of…experience…he has learned to adapt to the pain or whatever other sensations. If that was the case, she figured she could ignore it for now. If it didn't bother him, she had nothing to worry about. Especially once he returned his lips to hers.

However, as quickly as their reignited passion began, it ended just as quickly once Bae pulled away…completely. Eyes wide, Ana desperately sought him out, but he seemed prepared for her this time. As he placed her back down on the ground, he whispered his reassuring words of love and offered promises she knew he would be able to keep. This time, Ana clung to every syllable. It was the only thing she could do to prevent herself from reaching out to him after he left her with one last gentle kiss then opened the door. She watched helplessly as he slipped out the door, making sure she remained hidden from view, and then as it closed behind him leaving her alone in the room.

As the minutes passed, the loneliness crept in. So Ana replayed his last words to her in her mind to fill the silence. Waiting these next few minutes to ensure that the coast was clear was agonizing when all she wanted to do was open the door and run after her love. Even now, she refused to believe it was over.

Minutes later, Ana walked down the cold corridors with only half her mind focused on the task at hand. She had to return to her own room before her ladies discovered that she was missing. But the other half of her mind was still back in that small guest room, reliving every second and minute that was shared with Baelley. How she yearned for him. His touch. His kiss. His deep voice whispering words that stoked the fire in her she hadn’t realized existed until she gave herself to his touch, kiss and voice.

She missed him. There was no doubt about it. And she was tortured by the hours she would have to spend without him before she could see him again.

That is…until her feet brought her to two double doors directly on opposite sides of each other. She glanced briefly over at her door before suddenly getting pulled to focus intently at her brother’s. She sensed it almost immediately. It wasn’t just an uneasiness buried in the pit of her stomach. It was the heavy silence before a storm. One that only she knew how to quell.

But she couldn’t go into his room in her state. Not while she was still in a daze about her night with Bae. She turned and rushed into her room, tying her robe tightly around her body while she walked right over to her wash basin. She splashed cold water onto her face and gave herself a moment to calm down. But even now as she tried to push her love to the back of her mind, her chest tightened while she felt the painful pull toward Ellis’ room. It was almost like her heart was ready to leap out of her chest and run to her brother if she wasn’t going to move fast enough.

Her heart was pounding so hard in her ears by the time she finally left her room and walked across the hall to her brother’s. She opened the door slowly, hesitantly, poking her head in first to take a peek at what she was about to walk into. Much to her surprise, the room was quiet. The only sounds in the room were the steady breathing from little Bijou and the constant tossing and turning from Ellis. She frowned. Had he been restless all night?

“Eli?” she called out as she stepped into the room now. After carefully closing the door shut, she rushed over to her brother’s bed and immediately climbed in. He didn’t indicate that he had heard her call out to him. Her frown deepened as her heart pulled her even closer.

Before she knew exactly what she was doing, she crawled under the covers beside her brother, pressing her body against his back as her arms wrapped around his chest. She pulled him onto his other side until he was facing her. Through her worry and growing guilt, she clung her dear brother to her chest. The room around them vibrated from the hum of a sweet melody, whether it was coming from Ana or the calm settling into her heart, she couldn’t tell. Not that she cared. What mattered to her right at this very moment was her brother.

“Have you slept at all last night?” she asked hesitantly while brushing a gentle hand through his hair. It was a mess of wavy curls sticking out at all angles as if he had been tossing and turning in his bed all night. She took a quick glance toward the other end of the large bed, noticing for the first time that her poor puppy looked absolutely exhausted. She had never seen the little thing sleep so deeply since she arrived.

The guilt settled in the pit of her stomach while her heart worked tirelessly to calm the storm swirling in her older brother’s mind. What in the world had plagued him all night? Did it have anything to do with whatever had kept him so distracted the whole day yesterday?

Even as she hushed and soothed Ellis in her arms, Ana never once regretted her decision to be with Bae last night. If given the choice, she would choose her love again. But that didn’t stop her feeling like she failed her brother, leaving him alone with whatever it was that was causing him such discomfort. But she was here now, and even if she had to dismiss every one of their attendants for the rest of the day, she was not going to leave his side until he returned to her.

“Would you like to tell me what has kept you up?” she asked, pulling away just enough so that she and Ellis shared a pillow. “Does it have anything to do with whatever kept you so distracted yesterday?” She reached a hand out to brush his hair out of his face so she could see him better. As soon as she found his deep ocean eyes, Ana felt the shift in the tides.

Her heart calmed from the deep vibrations to a gentle lull. This was how she knew Ellis was coming back to her. Even now as she gazed at his face, his distant gaze washed away with whatever waves were pulling him away from her.

Then, Ana let out a deep breath, her smile brightening as she leaned close to Ellis to leave a tender kiss on his forehead. When she pulled away, she once again found his eyes and held it until her heart found his. Before long, their hearts beat as one. That was how she knew she had brought her brother back home to her.

“There you are~ I found you, like I always will.” ​

 

[JINFINITE]

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Leaving Ana was always difficult, no matter the occasion or circumstances, But never before had it been quite so painful. It broke his heart to see her so devastated by his departure. Baelley always did as she asked, but this was an instance in which he could not listen to her pleas. This was a time in which he needed to stand firm against her and tell her no: no he could not stay. Robert was outside and as patient and understanding as the man was, Baelley could not see him accepting of finding a man alone in a bedchamber with Eliressi’s princess dressed only in a nightgown. There was no one in the entire kingdom that he trusted with that scenario, not even Ana’s beloved elder brother. And so he had to pull free eventually, gather up his cane and coat and then after one last lingering look into her eyes and a whispered, ”I love you…” Baelley finally reached for the door handle and made his exit.

He could still feel the desperation of her touches on his skin and the taste of her love on his lips as he came face to face with Robert making it rather hard to concentrate on the other man. Baelley paused to ensure the door latched closed behind him, greeting Robert in return when he did and strategically holding his coat in front of his waist to hide the evident parting gift Ana had given him.

Robert asked if he slept well, a simple question of a courteous nature, but it brought a flood of intrusive imagery through Baelley’s head that was the opposite of helpful. The pale untouched skin of Ana’s legs, and the exposed portion of her chest. The memory of her hands through his hair and across his chest, her voice in his ears and her lips against his. The feeling of her heart racing under his hand and the heat he stoked to levels higher than they had ever experienced together.

And then there were Ana’s tears…streaming down her beautiful cheeks…

So sleep? Sleep was not exactly how he had spent the night. But without missing a beat he simply responded that he slept well after the party.

Baelley was a few steps behind as he followed Robert down the halls which was fine as he was being led; escorted to the palace entrance. But when they reached the stairs it was embarrassing—borderline humiliating how slow he was. Robert was plenty older than him, yet walked so easily in comparison to Baelley who held his cane in one hand, the bannister in the other and literally was taking them one step at a time.

However it was not quite fair of him to hold his abilities or lack of against himself. Especially not this time as he had nothing working in his favor. For starters, his body was crippled and not yet ready to be so active. Normally he had Ana to help him up and down the long stairs of the palace, and all in all it was not usually this hard for him. Because usually he was not this hard.

Baelley had to pause at the foot of the stairs both to adjust his hold on his cane and catch his breath as he worked through the pains that plagued his body. Earlier in the room with Ana he had not felt much if any of his usual pains, but it could be explained that he had simply been so distracted and focused on her that he wasn’t aware of it until now that he was all alone with himself. Now he was feeling his condition catching up with him and he longed so badly to be able to return to laying at Ana’s side in the comfort of the down feather bed.

He could already tell that today was going to be especially exhausting and difficult. After all, it was not like he was just leaving the palace to go back home for the rest of the day. No, Baelley was going home simply to change out of his custom made suit from the party and then he had to head straight back out to go to work. And he had so much to do at the shop…

Normally that would be a good thing. It was good for him to have business. But at this exact moment Baelley was just dreading how much he had to do and a part of him wondered if he even could complete everything he needed to.

It was not until he was settled into the carriage that the regret hit him. He should not have introduced Ana to such intimacy. It was one thing for him to desire her in secret, but for him to have shown that to her…he saw the way she grew to crave his touch and he knew very well how weak he was against her. He knew he would struggle to keep her safe if this fire they shared was not properly extinguished.

And then came the guilt as he was still so wrapped around her fingers that while he knew he should not have acted as he had, he had thoroughly enjoyed their time together. And he knew she had as well—Baelley groaned softly to himself. His memory of Ana was clashing with a dull stabbing pain in his lower back as the carriage bumped him around. It didn’t take long until the pain consumed his senses. Not that it was unbearable or excruciating, but just that everything else went numb in comparison. Specifically he could no longer feel the arousal between his legs despite its prominent appearance.

Baelley readjusted the placement of his coat over his lap. It was less to hide from others as he sat alone and Robert was outside driving, but rather to hide it from himself, while his fingers dug into his leg with strength that grew and grew with each passing moment. He was trying so hard to force sensation back into his lower body with sheer willpower. Whenever his nerves spazzed out like this a brief panic would overwhelm him at the memory of what it was like to not be able to feel anything except pain. And so as tortuous a tease as his erection had been considering the circumstances, it was preferable over this.

Travel could be quite hard on him now. The strain and pressure on his joints affected him so very differently now than it used to. Horseback, carriage rides, sailing, nothing was safe for him any longer. It was easiest for him to walk which was saying a lot being how difficult it could be for him to simply balance on his own two feet.

So as the carriage slowed to a halt outside his little house, Baelley took the moment of alone time to mentally prepare himself for what was to come next. At least stairs at the palace had a banister for him to rely on, but the few steps down from the carriage had nothing for him to hold onto. He was still massaging circulation back into his legs when Robert opened the door, but the older man neither rushed or pressured him. He waited patiently while Baelley got to his feet and then wordlessly held up his arm to act as a railing for Baelley to hold. Nothing was spoken between them concerning it. Baelley did not express his gratitude and Robert did not make any mention of helping him. There was a mutual understanding between them that this was not a position Baelley wanted to be in to have to rely on others, and so it would not be brought up.

Standing up and walking down the two steps of the carriage actually did wonders for him. He was a little stiff in his initial movement but it felt much better to be up and moving after getting jostled around. Had it been Ana helping him down, she likely would have had to use her whole body to support his weight, wrapping her arms around him and holding him close. Whereas with Robert there was still a distance of independence between them, simply because Robert had the strength to just stand and be a support. But Baelley couldn’t help but notice his body was expecting—no, craving Ana’s touch. There were just phantom memories of her arm around his waist or her fingers intertwining with his.

In the end he did give Robert a general thank you, just without explicitly specifying that he had helped Baelley walk. Because Baelley had been brought up polite with proper manners and he wasn’t above showing his gratitude and recognizing another’s hard work and consideration regardless of their status.

Once inside his little house, Baelley stood behind the closed door for a moment as he both processed everything that had led up until now and also planned through everything he needed to do before he left for work. Work was the last place he wanted to go right now, but this was his life now as an average civilian and he could not stay home simply because he wanted to. Especially not when just a couple years ago he would have done anything to be able to work rather than wasting his life away in bed. Baelley needed to change his clothes, find something to eat and leave. In that exact order. However there was no denying or hiding his exhaustion and his eyes could not help but trail over to the far corner of the room where his bed was.

Any other man his age would have flopped down on the bed immediately to take care of things in one of two ways: to either sleep, or let his thoughts race back to Ana’s exposed skin and his hand finally grant himself the release he had been denied all morning. But Baelley was not the same as any other man. If he let himself lay down on that bed then chances were he would not be able to get back up in a timely manner.

Despite his best efforts to stay sane and present, staring at his neatly made unslept bed had him thinking back to the disheveled state he’d left his bed in the castle. It was very uncharacteristic of him to not make his bed and a new wave of guilt rushed through him to the point he was borderline nauseas at this realization. Being born into a naval family it had been drilled into him long before he joined the ranks himself that the first thing he did each morning was make his bed. The only exception to that had been the days he was bedridden, and then the early stages after when his body could not move properly yet. But by now he was more or less adapted to his life and knew all the best work arounds to complete his tasks. It remained important to him to be able to make his bed himself, if only to prove that he still could. And Ana knew this well. The early mornings she was over or after staying over through rough nights, she always left the bed for him to do whenever he was physically capable. And so here he was in his own house thinking back to the bed in the castle and feeling a sense of borderline self loathing over his unmade bed. The self chastising only lasted for so long though before it dawned on him that the only reason he did not make the bed was because of the situation he had been in—the situation they had been in. Half naked amidst the sheets, oh what he wouldn’t give to see Ana here spread across his own bed…

”Nh…” He was unable to stop his hand from brushing over himself through his pants briefly, but ultimately Baelley did not want to go down that road. Not right now before he needed to go to work. There was no telling what would come out of that. Maybe the release would help and bring him relief and satisfaction. Or maybe it would end in pain and he would remain mostly immobilized at home all day long.

Baelley could distinctly remember the first time Ana and put him in this state. For so long he was unable to feel any part of his body, and at the time he did not know whether he ever would again. It was not that he was particularly romantic or sexual at heart, but he was still human and it still crushed him at the realization he would never feel that level of pleasure ever again. He would never be able to lay with a woman, to fall in love with a woman, to make love to his woman or have children together. His life was over. But with the gradual return of his ability to feel came the return of his libido.

The day he realized this he had been back at the hospital, sitting out in the front for some fresh air when Ana arrived for her monthly visit. That had been the first time he had seen her in this capacity; in one of her more elaborate dresses as she hadn’t changed into her hospital clothes and smock yet. The lower neck line highlighted her decolletage, the corset hugging her already thin waist, and the flowing fabric combined with her grace giving off the illusion that she floated as she walked. That day had been the first time he could confidently say he had felt anything between his legs since before the attack. Not that he had ever disclosed that to anyone. However it had helped him recognize and later come to terms with his own growing feelings for the Princess. He had gone for so long keeping his secret desires to himself, but there was no taking back what had happened last night. He could not undo what he had allowed to take place, but he could ensure that he would not lose himself like that again.

Baelley’s mental strength was incredible. When he truly put his mind to something he would steel himself against any opposition and see his decision through to the end. That, combined with Ana, was the only reason he was still here today and standing as he was. But this time he was alone, in that Ana was his weakness, she represented everything he was both against and trying to protect. And so he could not turn to her for help or rely on her to abide by his decisions.

. hellogoodbye . hellogoodbye . hellogoodbye .

”An—”

He cut himself off so quickly that he nearly bit his tongue in the process. Baelley was clearly far too comfortable with her to be calling her just Ana while they were in public. His eyes glanced around the shop to ensure that they were truly alone before he turned his attention back to his love who stood in the entrance. He set down the butcher’s knife he had been mending and hastily wiped his hands on his leather apron as he closed the distance between them, ”My love…what are you doing here?”

Baelley knew they were alone, but his voice remained hushed, forever worried that they would be caught together. Of course he was very much glad to see her, he had thought of nothing but her all day. But he had not been expecting to see her again so soon. Baelley had spent the hours of his work day thoroughly distracted by her memory and so to see her now felt almost as though he had manifested her appearance. Was this just a dream? A hallucination? A figment of his imagination?

But as her soft, gentle hands touched his rough, calloused ones he knew she was really there. He had half a mind to pull his hands away, not wanting to soil her pale, perfect skin with soot and grease. But everything just felt so perfect the moment they connected and so Baelley chose to be selfish this time and soak up all of the good feelings that her presence alone filled him with.

He had been growing weary from his long and demanding workday, but with Ana here now he could feel himself gain a second wind and an excitement rushed through his tired body and soul at the prospect of having Ana back at his side so soon after having just left her that morning.

That morning…a lump grew in the back of his throat as he forced his eyes to meet hers and dared not stray down to her body for fear that he would lose himself again, ”I have been unable to stop thinking about you all day,” They shouldn’t have done all that they had. He should be telling her that and drawing a clear line for them. But instead Baelley’s breath caught in his chest as his eyes finally flickered down to her lips.

Those perfect lips that he shared the most perfect kisses with. The lips that parted with every sound she made. That moaned his name in such a way that no amount of prior experience had prepared him for.

Ana had come as a complete surprise to him. Baelley had never grown so attached to a woman, he had never truly fallen in love before. He thought he knew how to navigate the world, but here she was teaching him he still had much to learn and proving that no matter how strong willed he was, he was nothing against her.

He would do anything for her, ”Ana…”
​