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The Lioness
I want nothing on me but you...
- Joined
- Feb 8, 2022
- Location
- New England
I may be a Leo, but unlike most Leos, I don't like being an attention seeker. I don't often put down my internal thoughts to be plastered over the internet. I don't like shoving my heart into something where it'd garner attention.
Yet here I am. I'm not sure what this journal of sorts will turn into. Perhaps I'll find myself venting more than anything here. Maybe I'll just compose incomprehensible feelings and emotions that I face in my wanderings on this mortal plane. I am an empath, and thus I soak up unspoken feelings like a sponge. I often have no idea where they came from...or why I might find myself crying for no reason (like now). I can't control them, and I often don't know where I will find myself sometimes. It's overwhelming...but I'm hoping that perhaps typing them into the ether would alieve some of the emotional pressure.
Not many people understand what being an empath means. I honestly didn't even know what the term meant until a year ago, and now I find myself using the word more often to describe why I react to things the way I do. I'm led to believe there are different levels of empath. While some are more attuned to someone's emotions to a story, others with hyper-empathy can actually walk into a room and feel the emotions. We often can't explain why or where the feelings are coming from. Like me, those types of empaths are highly attuned to feelings and emotions around them. It's not really understood scientifically, but it's something I believe in and helps me understand myself more.
At first, I confused this feeling with depression. As a teenager, I was going through a lot at home. Between the domestic abuse in the household, the narcissistic abuse from my mother, and the motherly role I've had to play to my siblings, life really put a number on me. Yet as I got older, therapy helped, as did medication. I felt broken for the longest time because I was confused, and no one seemed to understand why I felt the way I did. Now, as a more *ahem* mature adult, I no longer feel the constant depression I used to feel enveloped by. In fact, I'm pretty happy with a loving husband of 11 years and a sweet (almost) 2-year-old daughter. So why did I feel the mood swings out of nowhere? It took a bit of coaching to find out that what I was feeling most was empathy.
My writing desires tend to fluctuate based on my mood. I'm not going to sugarcoat that one. I try my best to keep the fluctuations to a minimum, but I do find that it can dictate how I feel about a story (even after planning is almost complete). I will often take a few days to breathe through the emotions, but sometimes I need a break from the story to try something else or to just let the wave pass.
At this point, I'm sure I'm rambling...maybe I'll find more to write about later.
Yet here I am. I'm not sure what this journal of sorts will turn into. Perhaps I'll find myself venting more than anything here. Maybe I'll just compose incomprehensible feelings and emotions that I face in my wanderings on this mortal plane. I am an empath, and thus I soak up unspoken feelings like a sponge. I often have no idea where they came from...or why I might find myself crying for no reason (like now). I can't control them, and I often don't know where I will find myself sometimes. It's overwhelming...but I'm hoping that perhaps typing them into the ether would alieve some of the emotional pressure.
Not many people understand what being an empath means. I honestly didn't even know what the term meant until a year ago, and now I find myself using the word more often to describe why I react to things the way I do. I'm led to believe there are different levels of empath. While some are more attuned to someone's emotions to a story, others with hyper-empathy can actually walk into a room and feel the emotions. We often can't explain why or where the feelings are coming from. Like me, those types of empaths are highly attuned to feelings and emotions around them. It's not really understood scientifically, but it's something I believe in and helps me understand myself more.
At first, I confused this feeling with depression. As a teenager, I was going through a lot at home. Between the domestic abuse in the household, the narcissistic abuse from my mother, and the motherly role I've had to play to my siblings, life really put a number on me. Yet as I got older, therapy helped, as did medication. I felt broken for the longest time because I was confused, and no one seemed to understand why I felt the way I did. Now, as a more *ahem* mature adult, I no longer feel the constant depression I used to feel enveloped by. In fact, I'm pretty happy with a loving husband of 11 years and a sweet (almost) 2-year-old daughter. So why did I feel the mood swings out of nowhere? It took a bit of coaching to find out that what I was feeling most was empathy.
My writing desires tend to fluctuate based on my mood. I'm not going to sugarcoat that one. I try my best to keep the fluctuations to a minimum, but I do find that it can dictate how I feel about a story (even after planning is almost complete). I will often take a few days to breathe through the emotions, but sometimes I need a break from the story to try something else or to just let the wave pass.
At this point, I'm sure I'm rambling...maybe I'll find more to write about later.